Katswiri Akupereka Njira 11 Zothana ndi Kukanidwa ndi Mnyamata

Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Zimandikumbutsa nyimboyi 1 Chikondi Chambali ndi blackbear, "Mwatanganidwa kwambiri kuyankhula ndi ine kuti musamve zomwe ndikunena…Ndiwe wodzikonda kwambiri, wina aliyense ndi wopambanitsa…Simukuzindikira nkomwe, sichoncho? Chilichonse ndichabwino kwa inu…”

Chikondi cha mbali imodzi chimayamwa. Kumvera chisoni munthu wina koma osabwezerezedwanso ndi zowawa komanso zotopetsa. Osalola bwanji kuti zikuwonongeni kuchokera mkati ndikudzazani ndi kudzikayikira? Kupatula apo, kukanidwa kuli ndi mphamvu yakuchotsera ulemu wanu, pokhapokha mutalola. 

Ndiye mungayankhe bwanji kukanidwa ndi ulemu? Pachifukwa ichi, tinakambirana ndi mphunzitsi wamaganizo ndi malingaliro Pooja Priyamvada (wotsimikiziridwa mu Psychological and Mental Health First Aid kuchokera ku Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ndi University of Sydney). Amagwira ntchito yopereka upangiri wa zibwenzi kunja kwa banja, kutha, kupatukana, chisoni ndi kutayika, kungotchulapo zochepa chabe.

Njira 11 Zothana Ndi Kukanidwa Kwa Mnyamata Mwamufunsa

Zimandibwezeranso ku chochitika chomaliza Fleabag pamene Phoebe akuti, "Ukudziwa choyipa kwambiri ndichakuti ndimakukondani, ndimakukonda, ayi, ayi, osatero. Ayi. Tiyeni tingosiya zimenezo kwa mphindi imodzi yokha. Ndimakukonda." 

Kenako wansembeyo akuwoloka dzanja lake n’kumugwira dzanja n’kunena mosapita m’mbali kuti, “Zichitika.” Ngakhale kuti chochitika chimenechi n’chopweteka, n’chimodzimodzinso ndi ululu wa chikondi chosayenerera. Kodi mungapirire bwanji kusweka mtima kumeneko? M'mawu ena, momwe mungachitire ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Nawa malangizo a akatswiri:

1. Kumvetsetsa maganizo omwe amachititsa kudzimva ngati wokanidwa 

Studies akuwonetsa kuti kupweteka kwakuthupi ndi kukanidwa ndi anthu kumayambitsa zigawo zaubongo wamba. Zotsatira izi zatanthauzidwa ngati umboni wakuti kupweteka kwa thupi ndi kukanidwa kumatanthauzidwa ndi ubongo mofananamo. Choncho, kukanidwa kumakhala kowawa ngati kumenyedwa pankhope.

Pooja imati: “Maganizo a munthu amakonzedwa m’njira yoti afunefune kuti ena avomereze kuvomereza kwake.” Pamene chitsimikizirocho chakanidwa, munthuyo amadzimva kukhala wosayenerera kukondedwa ndiyeno pamakhala chiŵerengero chambiri cha kudzidzudzula ndi kudzida.

Choncho, kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kumadzetsa chilonda chakuya chakuya chomwe chimati, "Ndine wopanda pake". Ndi chiyani chomwe chimawawa mkati mwanu? Ego wanu. Kuzindikira kwanu. Chifukwa munapanga kufunikira kwanu konse kudalira kuchuluka kwa chitsimikiziro chomwe mumalandira kuchokera kwa munthu m'modzi. 

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Chifukwa chake gawo loyamba lothana ndi kukanidwa ndikuzindikira kuti mukufunafuna chisangalalo chanu ndi njira yothetsera mavuto anu onse kuchokera pamalo olakwika. Chifukwa chakuti munthu m'modzi sanakukondeni sizikutanthauza kuti simuli woyenera kukondedwa. Mukamadzifotokozera nokha mogwirizana ndi ena, mumatayika kwambiri.

2. Kodi mungatani ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata? Osadzitengera nokha

Kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kungakupangitseni kumva kuti simukuoneka ndipo mumayamba kudzikayikira mpaka pachimake. Pooja anati: “Chofunika kwambiri n’chakuti, musadzitengere nokha. Kukonda munthu amene samakukondaninso sikungakhale njira ya moyo wanu wonse. Yesetsani kukumbukira zimene munachita ndi zimene munachita, ndipo koposa zonse, amene munali musanayambe mayanjano ameneŵa.”

Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Musalole kuti zisinthe kukhala kudzida. Ganizirani za nthawi zonse zazikulu za moyo wanu. Ikhoza kukhala nthawi yomwe mudapambana mpikisano wovina mu giredi lachisanu ndi chiwiri. Kapena tsiku lomwe mudasankhidwa ku koleji ya maloto anu. Kapena tsiku lomwe munasankha kukhala ndikumenyana, m'malo motaya mtima. M'malo moganizira nthawi zonse zomwe mudalephera, sinthani malingaliro anu nthawi zonse zomwe mudawala.

Kukanidwa ndi munthu amene mumamukonda kungadzutse mafunso monga akuti, “Kodi pali vuto ndi ine? Pooja akuyankha kuti: “Izi n’zimene akazi ambiri amadzifunsa kaŵirikaŵiri ndipo amayamba kudziimba mlandu.” Kukanidwa sikutanthauza kuti pali chinachake cholakwika ndi inu.

3. Ganizirani kawiri musanachite zinthu mopupuluma

Gawo loyamba lothana ndi kukanidwa lingayambitse ululu wosaneneka. Ndipotu, si zophweka kuvomereza zizindikiro zowawa sakufuna ubale ndi inu. Izi zikachitika, yesetsani kulola kuti mumve malingaliro onse. Pamene kudzikonda kwanu kukuvulazidwa, mungafune kupanga zisankho zosalongosoka, ndipo pamapeto pake mumanena ndi kuchita zinthu zolakwika. Zindikirani ndipo yesani kuchepetsa kuwonongeka. 

Dziwani kuti mwayambika pompano ndipo yesani kuchedwetsa mawu audaniwo mpaka mutadzikhulupiriranso. Mudzadzithokoza pambuyo pake chifukwa chosachita zinthu mopupuluma. Pamene nthawi ikupita, mudzakulunga mutu wanu mozungulira ndipo mudzatha kuvomereza mwachisomo. Chidani ndi mkwiyo ukuyaka mu mtima mwanu pakali pano ndi kutengeka kwakanthawi chabe.

Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Pooja akugogomezera kuti, "Kubwezera ndi chibadwa choyamba cha aliyense amene amakanidwa. Koma chidani ndi mkwiyo kwa munthuyo zidzangowonjezera kuvutika kwanu.

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4. Musamaone kuti n’zovuta kumutsimikizira kuti ndinu wofunika

Mnzanga Carol atakanidwa ndi mnyamata, zonse zomwe adachita kwa nthawi yayitali ndikuyesera kumutsimikizira kuti ndi wofunika. Anayamba kuvala bwino, adayamba kudziyika yekha pazama TV, ndikuyamba kuyesetsa kwambiri pamaso pake.

Nthawi zonse ankandiuza kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani anyamata amandikanabe? Akangodziwa kuti ndine munthu wodabwitsa, angasinthe maganizo ake. Iye sakuona ndipo ndimafuna kumusonyeza kuti ndine wokhwima, woseketsa komanso wanzeru. Akangodziwa mbali ya ineyo, adzayankha kuti inde.”

Kodi mungayankhe bwanji kukanidwa ndi ulemu? Ngati muzindikira zizindikiro kuti sali mwa inu, bwerera m'mbuyo. Dziwani kuti kulephera kwake kubweza sikovuta kumutsimikizira kuti ndinu wofunika. Pitirizani kukhala inu. Simuyenera kuyesetsa kwambiri ndipo mawu anu, zovala ndi zochita zanu siziyenera kukuwa kuti mukufuna kuti malingaliro anu abwerenso. Izi zingowonetsa kusimidwa komanso kufunikira kokonda kukondedwa kumbali yanu.

5. Jambulani malire amalingaliro

Kukanidwa ndi mnyamata kungayambitse kusokoneza maganizo mkati mwanu. Kukhala naye paubwenzi ndi chizunzo chifukwa zonse zomwe mungaganizire ndikumpsompsona. Koma kukhala kutali ndi iye n’kopweteka chifukwa chimene mukufuna kuchita ndi kulankhula naye komanso kukhala naye pafupi.

Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Pooja akuyankha, "Kuyankha kukanidwa sikophweka nthawi zonse, kutengeka maganizo ndi kovuta komanso kovuta. Kukhalabe mabwenzi kungakhale kotheka kwa ena koma sikophweka kwa onse, pamene kusunga mtunda wanu kulinso kovuta. malire amalingaliro mu maubwenzi. "

Kodi mungagonjetse bwanji kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Sankhani njira yapakati. Ngati kulankhula naye tsiku lonse kukusokoneza mutu wanu, yesani kuchepetsa kulankhulana m’malo momulepheretsa kwambiri. Khalani oleza mtima ndi inu nokha ndipo musamadzikakamize kuchita chilichonse chomwe sichimabwera mwachibadwa kwa inu.

6. Kodi mungatani ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata? Kudzisamalira komanso kudzikonda

Pooja akuti, "Kudzisamalira komanso kudzikonda nthawi zambiri zimayenderana; chitani zomwe mumakonda. Momwe mungadzikondere nokha? Chitani china chomwe chimakupumulitsani, chotsani tsikulo ndikupita ku spa kapena pitani kukagula ndalama zochepa. Zochita zodzisamalira izi zimakuthandizani kuti mukhale wodzidalira komanso kuti muchiritse zowawa. ”

Chifukwa chake m'malo modikirira movutikira kuti awerenge lemba lake ndikungoganizira za iye tsiku lonse, pitani mukachite zina zomwe zimafuna chidwi chanu chonse. Kukhoza kukhala kuwerenga bukhu. Kapena kuwonera kanema. Kapena kulemba m'magazini anu. Kapena kupanga luso. Kapena kumvetsera nyimbo. Pezani zododometsa zabwino zomwe zimakuthandizani.

7. Yesetsani kumuona m'njira yoyenera

Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Pooja akuyankha kuti: “Monga momwe amanenera kuti udzu umakhala wobiriŵira mbali ina ya mpanda.” Nthaŵi zina zinthu/anthu amene sitingathe kuwapeza amawoneka okongola kwambiri koma zimenezo siziri zoona kwenikweni.

Popeza mumamukonda, mwamupangira chithunzithunzi chabwino kwambiri m'mutu mwanu. Ndiyeno kwa masiku ndi miyezi kutha, mumalambira fano lonyenga limeneli. Mwamuika pachimake ndipo mwayamba kukhulupirira kuti ndi wabwino kwambiri kwa inu kuyambira pamene anakukanani.

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Kuti mugonjetse kukanidwa ndi mnyamata, yesani kumuwona momwe alili. Yesani kumuona pamaso pa mnzanu kapena mbale wanu. Kenako mudzaona kuti palinso zinthu zina zoipa zimene inu munazinyalanyaza. Kodi nthawi zina amakhala wamwano komanso amachita zinthu moyenerera? Kodi alibe zokonda, chilakolako ndi cholinga chachikulu m'moyo? Chilichonse chomwe chimamupangitsa kukhala munthu chimakupangitsani kuzindikira kuti siali wangwiro komanso wosasinthika momwe amawonekera kwa inu. 

8. Gwiritsani ntchito izi kuti mukhale odzichepetsa

Kukanidwa ndi munthu amene umamukonda akhoza kubweretsa zovuta zambiri zaubwana pamtunda. Mwinamwake pamene munali mwana, munali kunyalanyazidwa, osamvedwa, osawonedwa ndi osakondedwa. Ndipo chochitika ichi chikubweretsanso malingaliro onse oyipawo.

Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Gwiritsani ntchito izi ngati dalitso pobisala. Siyani chikhulupiriro chakuti mukudziwa chomwe chili choyenera kwa inu. Lekani kuwononga mphamvu zanu kuyesa kukhotetsa zenizeni kapena kupeza zomwe mtima wanu ukulakalaka pa mtengo uliwonse.

Nthawi zina simudziwa zomwe zikukusungirani. Choncho yesani kudzipereka ku chilengedwe. Yesani kukhala odzichepetsa kamodzi kokha. Kudzichepetsa sikutanthauza kuti wayamba kudziona ngati wopanda pake. Kudzichepetsa kumatanthauza kuti mumayamba kuzindikira kusafunikira kwanu muzinthu zazikulu.

9. Sinthani mphamvu zanu

Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukanidwa ndi mwamuna? Gwiritsani ntchito moto wonse womwe uli m'mimba mwanu kuti muchite zambiri. Maola onsewa omwe mukuwononga kukonza ndi kutengeka ndi munthu…Gwiritsani ntchito nthawiyo kuchita chinthu chofunika kwambiri kapena chaphindu.

Kungakhale kugwira ntchito molimbika ku masewera olimbitsa thupi. Kapena kugwira ntchito ina yaulere. Kapena kukumana ndi anzanu aubwana. Kapena kuyamba ntchito yatsopano ngati mbiya. Zitha kukhala chilichonse chomwe chimapangitsa moyo wanu kukhala wosangalala ndikukupangitsani kumva bwino. Tengani zowawa zonsezo, chisoni ndi chisoni mkati mwanu ndi kupeza malo oti muzikwirire.

Ngati simutero, mudzapeza kuti mwakwiriridwa m'njira zosayenera monga kusuta, kusuta kapena kumwa. M'malo mwake, yesani kupanga zosankha zathanzi. Valani mahedifoni amenewo ndikuchita yoga ndikusinkhasinkha kuti muchepetse nkhawa zanu komanso kuganiza mopambanitsa.

10. Yesani kukhala osangalala kwa ena

Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata pamene akupitiriza chibwenzi ndi bwenzi lanu lapamtima? Pooja akuyankha kuti: “Chabwino, chikondi chosayanjanitsika chikadali chikondi koma sichinthu chenicheni monga momwe amanenera.” Kukhala ndi munthu pafupi ndi bwenzi lanu lapamtima kungakusonkhezereni kutengeka maganizo, koma m’malo mom’ganizira, yesani kuganizira kwambiri za chimwemwe cha mnzanuyo.

Ndi zotani njira zothetsera ndi kuthana ndi chikondi chosayenerera? Olemba ndakatulo nthawi zambiri amanena kuti chikondi chenicheni ndi kumverera kopanda malire komanso kopanda kuyembekezera kukondedwanso. Ndikudziwa kuti zimafunika kuti ukhale munthu wamkulu koma yesani kutsegula mtima wanu kuti mukhale osangalala mu chisangalalo chake. Kukonda wina popanda kuyembekezera kukondedwa ndi malo amphamvu kukhalamo. 

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11. Kodi mungatani ndi kukanidwa ndi mnyamata? Funsani thandizo la akatswiri 

Pooja akuti, "Nthawi zina timakakamira munthu ndipo izi zikhoza kukhala chifukwa cha kudalira kwathu kopanda thanzi. Ngati izi zikukhudza thanzi lanu la maganizo, lankhulani ndi mlangizi wa ubale, akhoza kukutsogolerani kuti muchiritsidwe kuchoka ku kukanidwa."

Ngati pakhala miyezi yambiri ndipo mukumvabe kuti ndinu oyambitsa, osakhazikika komanso opanda pake, mwina ndi nthawi yoti mupemphe thandizo la akatswiri. Kulankhula za izi kwa katswiri yemwe ali ndi chilolezo kungakuchepetseni nkhawa zanu ndikukuthandizani kuti muchiritse ndikusiya mowolowa manja munthu yemwe sangathe kukukondaninso. Zathu alangizi ochokera ku gulu la Bonobology zangodinanso.

Pomaliza, tiyeni titsirize ndi mawu omwe ndinawerenga pa The Artidote, "Mukasiya anthu omwe mumawafuna movutikira kapena kukukondani, mumabwereranso kwa inu nokha. Mumabwerera ku zomwe zimakusangalatsani komanso zomwe zimakubweretserani chimwemwe. Mukukumbutsidwa kuti moyo suyenera kukhala woipa nthawi zonse, kuti simukuyenera kumamva ngati simuli wokwanira, kuti zomwe mukufuna kuti mukhale osakwatiwa ndi zomwe mukufuna kuti mukhale osakwatiwa. kusuntha ndi kuyenda mwachangu kwambiri.

Ibibazo

9 Katswiri Malangizo Kuti Mudziwe Zomwe Mukufuna Mu Ubale

Ubwino Wokhala Osakwatiwa: Zifukwa 5 Zokhalira Osakwatiwa Komanso Osakonzekera Kusakanikirana

Chiritsani Mtima Wosweka Ndi Malangizo 15 Awa Kuchokera kwa Akatswiri

Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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