Njira Zothandizira Kuti Muchiritse Kuchokera pa Kudalirana Ndi Kumanganso Moyo Wanu

Kodi munayamba mwadzimvapo kuti simungathe kupita kunja mutavala diresi mpaka mwamuna wanu atabwera kudzakuuzani kuti, “Ukuwoneka bwino”? Kapena muyenera kufunsa mkazi wanu malo odyera omwe mumayitanitsa chakudya nthawi iliyonse? Chabwino, mwayi ndiwe wodalira. Mutha kudzimva kukhala otsekeredwa muubwenzi wotere chifukwa cha momwe mumaganizira za kutsimikizika kwa mnzanuyo komanso nkhawa zake. Kotero, kodi icho ndi chinthu choipa? Chabwino, nthawi zambiri, kulumikizana koteroko sikungatchulidwe kuti ubale wabwino. Kotero, momwe mungachiritse kuchokera ku codependency? Tisanayankhe funso limeneli, tiyeni tione mmene mawu amenewa anayambira.

Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, mawu akuti kudalirana kwa anthu ena (codependency) anayamba kugwiritsidwa ntchito ponena za anthu oledzera ndi ozunzidwa ndi kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo komanso ubale wawo ndi anzawo, anzawo, ndi mabanja awo. Lingaliro linali lakuti, mu maubwenzi otere, munthu mmodzi amakhala woyambitsa nkhanza. Tsopano, mawuwa amatanthauza maubwenzi osakhutiritsa kumene mnzawo mmodzi sasunga mwala kuti asangalatse mnzake, nthawi zambiri powononga umunthu wake. Pitirizani werengani, pamene tikufufuza kudalirana kwa anthu ena (codependency) ndi zizindikiro zake, pezani momwe zimakukhudzirani, fotokozani magawo a kuchira kudalirana kwa anthu ena (codependency), ndikupereka malangizo ena ochiritsira kudalirana kwa anthu ena (codependency), mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wathu waubwenzi Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology).

Pa Codependency Ndi Udindo Wake Mu Ubale

Ndiye kodi codependency ndi chiyani kwenikweni? Ndi liti pamene zisokoneza ubwenzi wanu? Kodi zimangowoneka m'maubwenzi osagwirizana? Ruchi akuti, "Kudalirana ndi ubale womwe umapangitsa okwatirana kudalirana wina ndi mzake kuti atsimikizire maganizo awo ndi kudzimva kuti ndi ndani. Nthawi zambiri, kukhoza kukhala mphamvu yamachiritso, koma kumakhala kopanda thanzi pamene pali mikangano yowopsya."

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mafunso Okhudzana ndi Ubale Wodalirana

Tiwona zoyambira za codependency:
● Zikatero, malire amasokonekera, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kuti anthu apitirize kukhala omasuka komanso odziimira okha.
● Anthu amasiya kudziona kuti ndi odzikonda ndipo amayamba kuika zofuna za wokondedwa wawo patsogolo pa zofuna zawo
● Pali kusowa kwa danga lanu, ndipo zibwenzi zimatha kukhala zokakamira kwambiri
● Kudalira pa zinthu zina kungachititse kuti munthu ayambenso kuchita zinthu zoipa. "Mwachitsanzo, anthu amatha kunyoza anzawo kapena kuwapangitsa kudzimva kukhala osakwanira," akuwonjezera Ruchi.

Komabe, kudalirana ndi mawu omwe ambiri amagwiritsa ntchito m'njira yabwino. Akazi nthawi zambiri amanyadira kukhala odalirana osati odziyimira pawokha kwambiri, zomwe zimasonyeza kuti ali ndi malire m'miyoyo yawo ndipo amayamikira malingaliro a okondedwa awo. Ndithudi, kudalirana si mawu odedwa monga momwe akazi amachitira m'dziko la amuna. Koma kudalirana kwambiri kungakhale kovuta. Chifukwa chake, kudalirana sikungakhale koipa kwenikweni, koma kumatha kukhala koopsa komanso koipa ngati kuli koopsa kwambiri. Ngakhale kuti palibe kafukufuku wambiri amene wachitika pa lingaliro ili, limodzi mwa maphunziro ochepa pa lingaliroli latsimikizira kuti zigawo zake zazikulu ndi "kusowa kudzimva bwino" komanso kusalingana kwa malingaliro, pakati pa zina.

Momwe Mungadziwire Ngati Muli Wodzidalira

Kudalirana kuli ndi zizindikiro zomveka bwino, ndipo kuti muthetse muubwenzi wanu, muyenera kudziwa ngati ndinu odalira kwambiri. Chifukwa chake, ngati inu kapena wokondedwa wanu muwonetsa chilichonse mwazizindikiro izi, ndiye kuti muli paubwenzi wokhazikika:

● Kuganizira kwambiri mnzanuyo: Ngati mumavutitsidwa nthawi zonse ndi zosowa ndi zokhumba za mnzanu pazanu ndikupeza kuti mukuvomera kusankha komwe angapange (kupewa mikangano), mutha kukhala mu mgwirizano wodalirana.
● Kutaya chidziwitso: Ruchi anati, “Mukayamba kukondana kwambiri ndi mnzanuyo moti zonse zimene mnzanuyo amachita zimadalira zimene mnzanuyo amakukondani kapena amene amamukonda, mumangomudalira.” Chitsanzo cha izi chikhoza kukhala wojambula yemwe anasiya kujambula ndi kupita ku gofu kuti akondweretse mwamuna wake wa gofu
● Kudziyang'anira pansi: Podzidalira, kudzidalira kwanu kumadalira kutsimikizira kwa mnzanuyo. Ndemanga imodzi yovuta yochokera kwa iwo ingakulepheretseni kudzimva wopanda pake. Ruchi anawonjezera kuti: “Zikatero, umayembekezera kuti iwo akusonkhezereni kuchita zoseŵeretsa kapena kuchita bwino pa ntchito yanu.
● Kupanda malire: Kusatha kunena "Ayi" kapena kutenga malo anu ndi chizindikiro cha kudalira. Ruchi ananenanso kuti: “Chitsanzo cha zimenezi n’chakuti mwamuna wanu wawononga ndalama zambiri kenako n’kukufunsani zina, choncho ngakhale mutakhala kuti mulibe ndalama kapena simungakwanitse kuwathandiza, simumayankha kuti “Ayi” pofuna kupewa mikangano.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungasiyire Kukhala Wodalirana Mu Ubwenzi - Katswiri Akufotokoza

● Mukuchita mantha kuti mnzanu akuchoka: Chizindikiro chimodzi chodziwikiratu cha kudalirana ndikuwopa kosalekeza kusiyidwa. Ruchi anawonjezera kuti: “Zikatero, anthu nthawi zonse amakhala akungoyang’ana mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo kapena amada nkhawa akamacheza ndi anzawo.” Mumakondanso kuvomereza kunyozedwa poopa kusiyidwa
● Mumadzinyalanyaza nokha: Zosowa zanu, banja lanu, ndi zokhumba zanu zimatengera kumbuyo, muzochitika zotere. Ruchi akufotokoza kuti: “N’kutheka kuti simungafune kupanga mapulani alionse ndi banja lanu, chifukwa mumaopa kuti musamangoganizira za mnzanuyo.
● Mumachotsa kapena kuchepetsa zizindikiro zomveka bwino za mavuto a ubale: Pakudalirana, mumakonda kunyalanyaza zophophonya za mnzako ndikukhala wodzidzudzula. Ruchi anati: “Ngakhale mnzako atakunyozani kapena kukudyerani masuku pamutu, mumanyalanyaza zimenezi.”
● Kupanda kudzilamulira: Popeza mu kudalirana, kudzidalira kwanu ndikotsika, simungathe kupanga zisankho popanda kufunsa mnzanu. Ruchi anati: “Pankhani ya zosankha zazikulu m’moyo, n’kwachibadwa kuganizira maganizo a mnzanuyo, koma vuto limayamba mukayamba kukambirana nawo nkhani zing’onozing’ono, monga ngati mupite kokacheza ndi anzanu.”

Momwe Mungachiritse Kuchokera ku Codependency - Malangizo 6 Othandiza

Chifukwa chake, popeza mukudziwa zomwe kudalira kumaphatikizapo, mutha kufunsa, "Kodi mutha kuchiza kudalirana mukakhala pachibwenzi?" Chofunika kwambiri, mumachiritsa bwanji kudalirana mutatha kupatukana? Ndi masewera otani omwe angakuthandizeni kuthana ndi kudalirana komwe mungagwiritse ntchito? Chabwino, m'chigawo chino, tikupatsani malangizo othandiza amomwe mungachiritse kudalira:

1. Kwezani kuzindikira kwanu

Ngakhale magawo a kuchira kwa codependency sangakhale ofanana nthawi zonse, njira yofunika kwambiri yoyambira kuchira ndikudzizindikira. Ruchi anawonjezera kuti: “Kuzindikira kuti ndinu odalira pa zinthu zina komanso kuvomereza makhalidwe amene angawononge ubwenzi wanu n’kofunika kwambiri.

2. Khalani ndi malire

Limodzi mwa malangizo abwino kwambiri ochiritsira kudalirana ndi kuphunzira kukhazikitsa malire. Anthu ambiri omwe ali muubwenzi wotere sangathe kukhazikitsa malire abwino. Ruchi akumva kuti, "Kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake simungathe kukhazikitsa malire awa komanso chifukwa chake n'kovuta kunena kuti "Ayi" ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti tisunge ubale. Mofananamo, tiyenera kuzindikira kuti malire si oipa. Nthawi zambiri, malire aliwonse ndi njira yodzitetezera." Nazi malingaliro ena okhazikitsa malire abwino :

● Uzani mnzanuyo kuti akufuna kukufunsani asanaitane anzawo kuphwando la kunyumba
● Nenani momveka bwino kuti mulibe ntchito zapakhomo pa nthawi ya ntchito, ngakhale mumagwira ntchito kunyumba
● Auzeni kuti akhoza kudya chilichonse chimene akufuna koma musamakulepheretseni kusangalala ndi chakudya chimene mwasankha

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 9 za Kusagwirizana Paubwenzi

3. Muzidzisamalira nokha

Ngati mukudabwabe momwe mungachiritsire kudalirana kwa anthu ena, mutha kuyesa kudzikonda. Munthu wodalira ena amanyalanyaza umunthu wake weniweni muubwenzi chifukwa cholinga chake chimakhala kufunafuna kutsimikizika kwa mnzawo . Chifukwa chake, ndi udindo wanu kudzipangira nokha kukhala patsogolo. Ruchi akumva kuti, "Munthu ayenera kusintha chidwi chake kuti adzigwire ntchito molimbika, kudzipangira chifundo, kupeza kudzimva kuti ndiwe mwini kudzera muzochita zomwe amakonda." Muyenera kusintha chidwi chanu kukhala chisangalalo chanu osadzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa. Momwemonso, pamene mukuika patsogolo thanzi lanu lamalingaliro, musaiwale za thanzi lanu lakuthupi. Mutha kuchita izi mwa:

● Kusangalala ndi tsiku la spa
● Kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi, kugona mokwanira, ndi kusamalira thanzi lanu
● Kuyamba kuchita zinthu zinazake zomwe munazisiya kale, monga nyimbo kapena masewera
● Kuchita zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani ndipo simupezanso nthawi yochitira zinthu monga kuwerenga kapena kulemba ndakatulo
● Kuyambiranso ntchito yanu ngati munasiya kale chifukwa cha chibwenzi

4. Pangani gulu la anzanu okuthandizani

Mabwenzi ndi achibale angathandize kwambiri munthu kuti achire. Amapereka malo otetezeka kuti afotokoze nkhawa zanu. Ruchi akuvomereza kuti: “Ngati muli ndi mabwenzi ndi achibale ochirikiza, amene amazindikira kuti ulendowo ndi wovuta wamaganizo kwa inu, kambiranani nawo.” Zimenezi zidzakuthandizani kuzindikira kuti pali mbali zina za inu zimene muyenera kuchira.” Momwemonso, zosangalatsa komanso kulumikizana ndi anthu kudzakuthandizaninso kuganizira zinthu zina kupatula ubale wanu.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mfundo 7 Zofunikira Zothandizirana Mu Ubwenzi

5. Lekani zoyembekezera zosayembekezereka

Njira imodzi yabwino kwambiri yothetsera kudalirana ndi anthu ndiyo kusiya ungwiro. Palibe chilichonse padziko lapansi chomwe chili changwiro. Ndipo maubwenzi nawonso si angwiro. Chifukwa chake, ziyembekezo ndi miyezo yosatheka muubwenzi wathu ziyenera kuthetsedwa. Ruchi akumva kuti, "Kufuna ungwiro wochuluka sikofunikira. Munthu ayenera kugwira ntchito pa nkhani zaubwenzi kuti amange ubale wabwino m'malo mwake." Mutha kuchita izi mwa:

● Osadandaula za ukhondo wa m’nyumba, malinga ngati mukuyesetsa kuyeretsa
● Kuganizira kwambiri za nthawi yabwino imene mumacheza ndi mnzanuyo osati kuoneka ngati kuti ndinu oyenerera kwa iwo

6. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri

Ngati simungathe kukonza ubale wanu ndi munthu amene ali ndi vuto la kulankhulana ndi anthu ena kapena ngati mukukumana ndi vuto losasangalatsa kapena losatetezeka chifukwa cha vutoli, nthawi zonse ndibwino kupeza thandizo kuchokera kwa mlangizi yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani za ubale. Ruchi akuwonjezera kuti, “Mlangizi angapereke malangizo ndi zida zofunika kuti athetse vuto la kulankhulana ndi anthu ena. Angakupatseninso malo otetezeka kuti mumvetse bwino mavuto a kulankhulana ndi anthu ena komanso kukuthandizani kuyenda bwino.” Ngati mukufuna thandizo ndi uphungu waluso, akatswiri a Bonobology ali pano kuti akuthandizeni.

Bwanji Ngati Muli Chizoloŵezi cha Codependency

Dzina lina la codependency ndi 'relationship addiction'. Koma kodi mungathe kukhala okonda kudalira? Ngati inde, nchiyani chomwe chimayambitsa chizolowezichi ndipo chingathetsedwe bwanji? Ruchi akufotokoza kuti: “Zinthu zongodalirana zimayamba ubwana wawo. Zimachokera ku zowawa zaubwana kapena zochitika zachilendo m’mabanja osokonekera, monga kunyalanyazidwa, nkhanza, kuteteza ana mopambanitsa, ndi makhalidwe ena oipa.” Ana amene ali paubwenzi wotero ndi makolo awo amaona kuti ndi makolo awo okha amene angawapulumutse ndi kuwateteza ku dziko. moyo.

“Makolo a ana otero angakhale anali oda nkhaŵa kwambiri kapena ozemba.” Chotero, anawo sakanatha kupanga nawo unansi wosungika,” iye anawonjezera motero. Ana awa, akakula pambuyo pake, amatha kuwonetsa machitidwe obwerezabwereza mu maubwenzi awo, monga:

● Kufunika koti wina akonze zibwenzi zawo kapena kuwapulumutsa
● Mavuto osowa, kapena kuopa kuti ngati sachita zinthu zina, adzasiyidwa
● Maganizo opsinja, monga kuda nkhawa kuti chilichonse chimene angachite chingakhudze okondedwa awo

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 11 Othandizidwa ndi Akatswiri Othetsa Kudalirana Mu Ubwenzi

Kukwera kotereku ndi kutsika kwa maubwenzi awo ngati akuluakulu kungapangitse chizoloŵezi chomwe angafunikire kuchiza. Sangagwire ntchito mu maubwenzi abwino. Zomwe zimafunikira ndikulimbikitsa kuchiritsa ndi kuyang'ana pa kuchira kwa codependency. Ruchi akupereka lingaliro lakuti munthu ayenera "kugwira ntchito ndi dokotala wabwino, kukhala ndi njira yabwino yothandizira, ndi kusiya zikhulupiriro zosokoneza bongo ndi machitidwe obwerezabwereza" kuti athetse khalidwe lawo lodzidalira. Thandizo lamagulu ndi chithandizo cha mabanja zimathandizanso pazochitika zoterezi. Ananenanso kuti, "Kuchira kuchokera ku kudalirana kungakhale njira yovuta koma kungapereke mwayi kwa anthu kuti adziwe mbali ina ya maubwenzi awo.

Chifukwa chake, popeza mukudziwa zomwe kudalira kumaphatikizapo, zizindikiro zake ndi chiyani, komanso momwe mungathanirane ndi kudalirana paubwenzi, tikukhulupirira kuti simudzalolanso kudalirana kuwononge ubale wanu ndi okondedwa wanu. Tikukhulupirira kuti tsopano muli ndi yankho ku funso, "Kodi mungachiritse kudalirana mukakhala pachibwenzi?" Kumbukirani, ubale sikutanthauza kukodwa mu mauna osasinthika, koma kuti mudziwe nokha ndi mnzanuyo. Momwemonso, kuchira ku codependency ndikotheka. Choncho, m'malo moyang'ana chitsimikiziro chakunja mu ubale wanu, ganizirani maganizo anu. Lolani chikondi ndi kulumikizana kumangire mkati ndikukuwonetsani njira yakutsogolo.

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