Malangizo 11 Othandizidwa ndi Katswiri Ophwanya Codependency Mu Ubale

Chifukwa chiyani kuswa kudalirana kuli kofunika kwambiri pa thanzi lanu lamalingaliro komanso thanzi la ubale wanu? Kuti muyankhe funsoli, ndikufuna kuti muyerekeze kuti muli pa macheka ndi mnzanu. Koma m'malo mosangalala ndi kugwedezeka mumlengalenga ndi chisangalalo cha 'touchdown' ndi kugunda, bwanji ngati mutakhala osasunthika kapena kukhala osasunthika? Bwanji ngati maudindo sasintha?

Chabwino, zowona sizingakhalenso zosangalatsa. M'malo mwake, pakapita nthawi, zimatha kumva zowawa komanso zotopetsa kwambiri. Miyendo yanu ingapweteke, zala zanu zikhala zowawa ndipo mtima wanu sudzamvanso chisangalalo. Izi ndi momwe kudalirana muubwenzi kumamvekera - zowawa, zopanda pake, zosasangalatsa, zopanda chilungamo, komanso zopanda chisangalalo chilichonse. Maubwenzi odalirana ndi pamene m'modzi amakhala "wosamalira" ndipo winayo amakhala "wosamalira".

Kachitidwe kameneka nthawi zambiri kamakhala kozoloŵereka, zomwe zimayambitsa chizolowezi choipa chomwe chimadzidyetsa chokha. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti zizolowezi zodalirana nthawi zambiri zimachokera ku zokumana nazo zaubwana komanso kusagwira bwino ntchito kwa mabanja. Izi zingakupangitseni kudzifunsa kuti, kodi mungathe kukonza ubale wodalirana?

Ngakhale palibe kukana kuti maubwenzi oterewa ndi osagwira ntchito, amatha kukhala athanzi ngati okwatiranawo asankha kuti agwire ntchito kuti athetse kudalirana kwa anthu. Pofuna kuwunikira bwino za ubale wovutawu, Swaty Prakash , mphunzitsi wolankhulana yemwe ali ndi satifiketi mu Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty and Stress wochokera ku Yale University komanso PG Diploma mu Counseling and Family Therapy, akulemba za zizindikiro za kudalirana kwa anthu komanso momwe angagonjetsere kudalirana kwa anthu m'maubwenzi.

Kodi Codependency Mu Maubwenzi Ndi Chiyani?

Njira yabwino yopezera ubale wabwino kwambiri ndi pamene okondedwa ali muubwenzi wabwino wa symbiotic komwe onse amapereka ndi kutenga, amakhala ndi malire abwino, ndipo amatha kugwirira ntchito limodzi koma osakhala okhawo opanda thandizo. Chimodzi mwazizindikiro zazikulu za kudalirana ndikuti kusanjaku kulibe ndipo mamba amakomera okondedwa m'modzi. Zofuna ndi zokhumba za m'modzi zimatenga malo onse, ndipo winayo, ndi chikhumbo chofuna kufunikira, amathera chikondi chawo chonse ndi mphamvu zake powasamalira. Chomwe chili pachiwopsezo ndi thanzi lawo lakuthupi ndi lamalingaliro komanso zosowa zawo.

Zizindikiro zotere zodalirana nthawi zambiri zimawoneka mu maubwenzi okhudza anthu omwe ali ndi vuto la kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena mowa. Mnzawo yemwe ali ndi vuto la kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo amaoneka wofooka, ndipo mnzakeyo amadziona kuti ndi amene ali ndi udindo pa moyo wawo. Amanyalanyaza zosowa zawo ndikuyamba kumanga pamodzi yemwe wasweka. Zonse zimawoneka bwino komanso ndi zolinga zabwino poyamba. Komabe, izi zimasintha posachedwa pamene zosowa za wosamalirayo ziyamba kuzimiririka, ndipo zimakhala ubale wa mbali imodzi.

Kafukufuku amene anayerekeza akazi a anthu omwe ali ndi vuto la kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndi akazi abwinobwino anapeza kuti akazi oyambawo anali ogwirizana kwambiri ndipo anasintha kwambiri kuti akhale okhazikika m'banja kuposa akazi omwe ali ndi vuto la kugonana. Mwachidule, tanthauzo la kudalirana limachokera ku ubale wopanda mgwirizano pomwe mnzawo m'modzi saoneka kwenikweni.

Zizolowezi zodalirana sizimaonekera m'malo opanda kanthu. Anthu ambiri omwe amasonyeza zizindikiro za kudalirana amakulira m'mabanja omwe kholo limodzi kapena onse awiri ali ndi vuto la kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena mowa kapena akusowa chifukwa cha zifukwa zina. Angakhale otanganidwa kupeza zofunika pa moyo, akuvutika ndi mavuto aakulu amisala kapena akuthupi, kulimbana ndi zizolowezi ndi mavuto osokoneza bongo, kapena china chake chomwe chimawatengera nthawi yawo yambiri. Ana m'mabanja oterewa nthawi zambiri amakula akuyenda mopanda chidwi , kunyalanyaza chisamaliro chawo, ndipo m'malo mwake amasamalira zosowa za ena kuti amve kuti ndi ofunika komanso oyenera.

Nthawi zambiri, ana omwe ali ndi kholo (makolo) omwe anali ndi vuto la kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena omwe amamwa mowa mwauchidakwa amakula ndikuwonetsa khalidwe lodzidalira. Ngakhale ali ana, ankadziona kuti ali ndi mlandu chifukwa cha zochita za makolo awo. Adakali aang’ono kwambiri, iwo anaphunzira kuti pofuna kusangalatsa makolo awo okwiya, anafunikira kukhala owathandiza kumwerekera kwawo, nkhonya zawo, kapena kukhala osawoneka. Kuopa kuchitiridwa nkhanza, kunyalanyazidwa, kapena kusakondedwa, kumakhalabe kozikika mwa iwo ngakhale akakula, ndipo nthawi zambiri samadziwa komwe angayambire kudalira.

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Zizindikiro 7 za Kudalira pa Ubale

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino za kudalirana kwa anthu ndi kuzungulira koipa komwe kulipo pakati pa wosamalira ndi wolandira. Ngakhale kuti mnzanu wina amafuna munthu woti amusamalire, mnzake wina amafunanso kufunidwa. Tisanakambirane momwe tingagonjetsere kudalirana kwa anthu, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa zamaganizo zomwe zili kumbuyo kwake. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amapeza kuti maubwenzi ambiri oterewa ndi pakati pa mnzanu amene ali ndi kalembedwe kodetsa nkhawa ndi wina amene ali ndi kalembedwe kopewera kudalirana.

Anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kodziphatika ndi nkhawa nthawi zambiri amakhala osowa komanso odziona kuti ndi ofunika, ndichifukwa chake kudalira kwambiri anthu ena komanso nkhawa nthawi zambiri zimayendera limodzi. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kodziphatika ndi anthu ena amakhala ndi mantha oti angasiyidwe ndipo nthawi zambiri amamva kuti sakuyenera kukondedwa. Amakhala osamalira kuti amve kuti ndi ofunika komanso ofunika muubwenzi.

Kumbali ina, iwo omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kodziletsa ndi anthu omwe amadzidalira koma otsika kwambiri pamalingaliro. Amamva kukhala osamasuka ndi maubwenzi ochulukirapo ndipo amakhala okonzeka nthawi zonse ndi dongosolo lotuluka. Chodabwitsa n'chakuti, omwe ali ndi ndondomeko yotuluka nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi zipsera za chiyanjano pamene omwe ali ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse amalola ena kuwalamulira.

Nthawi zambiri, mabwenzi asanakhalepo, anthu omwe amawazungulira amawona mphamvu zokhotakhota zomwe zimakhazikika pakudalirana. Ndi pamene wosamalirayo watopa ndi kumva kuti alibe kanthu m’pamene amazindikira kuti ali paubwenzi wosayenera ndipo amaganiza zothetsa kudalirana. Ngati munayamba mwadzifunsapo, "Kodi ndine wodalira?", Ndikofunikira kudziwa mbendera zofiira zomwe zingakhalepo. Nazi zizindikiro zingapo za codependency kuti muyang'ane:

1. Pali kusowa kwa kulankhulana kwenikweni

Mu mabanja omwe amadalirana, wosamalira nthawi zambiri amakhala wokonda kusangalatsa anthu. Amamva kuti akukakamizidwa kunena zinthu zotonthoza kapena kusangalatsa wokondedwa wawo. Kumbali ina, wosamalira nthawi zonse amakhala wodziteteza ndipo safuna kufotokoza zakukhosi kwawo kwenikweni. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti wosamalira nthawi zambiri amasonyeza makhalidwe ankhanza . Ngakhale kuti sapempha woperekayo kuti akwaniritse zosowa zawo zonse, amakwiya woperekayo akapanda kutero.

2. Kudzimva kukhala ndi udindo mopambanitsa

Kudalirana muubwenzi kumafika pamene wosamalirayo atenga udindo wonse wa moyo wa wokondedwa wawo. Nthawi zambiri iyi ndiyo njira yokhayo imene amamvera kuti akwaniritsidwa. Ngati munadzifunsapo kuti, "Kodi ndine wodalira?", zindikirani ngati mukuwonetsa makhalidwe awa:

• Mumaona kuti muli ndi udindo waukulu pa moyo wa mnzanuyo
• Mukuganiza kuti mnzanuyo sangathe kudzisamalira
• Mukutsimikiza kuti muyenera kuwapulumutsa, ngakhale kwa iwo okha
• Mumadumpha kuti muwathandize, ngakhale atakhala kuti sanapemphe thandizo
• Mumamva kuwawa ngati akuwoneka kuti akugwira ntchito popanda thandizo lanu

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3. Kunena “ayi” sichosankha

Kodi mumamvapo ngati simukondedwa kwambiri ngati mutakana kukwaniritsa zomwe mnzanu akufuna? Kodi zimakuvutani kunena kuti “ayi” ngakhale kuti ndicho chimene mtima wanu ukufuna? Mu maubwenzi okhudza okondana omwe amadalirana, kufunikira kwa mnzanuyo kuti agwirizane ndi zochitika zonse kuti amve kukondedwa, kukondedwa, ndi kulandiridwa n’kwakukulu kwambiri kotero kuti amatsala pang’ono kuthetsa umunthu wawo pofuna kuyanjana. Selma, yemwe adachita nawo kafukufuku wokhudza zochitika zokhudzana ndi kudalirana, anati, “…zili ngati chameleon, mukudziwa, kuyesera kugwirizana ndi zochitika zonse m’malo molola kuti ndikhale amene ndili…”.

4. Kupatula nthawi yocheza ndi inu nokha kumakhala kudzikonda

Mabwenzi odalira pawokha sakudziwa kuziyika patsogolo. Anthu omwe ali ndi umunthu wodalira nthawi zambiri:

• Amathera nthawi yawo yonse kusamalira zosowa za abwenzi awo
• Osatchula zosowa zawo ngati zofunika kwambiri
• Muzidzimva olakwa ngati ali ndi nthawi kudzisamalira

Panthawiyi, mnzakeyo akhoza kusonyeza mkwiyo, ndipo amawapangitsa kumva kuti ali ndi mlandu chifukwa "chopanda kuwasamalira" kapena "kuwasiya". Bwalo loyipa lomwe limadutsa njira yogonjetsera kudalirana.

5. Odalira pawokha nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi nkhawa komanso amada nkhawa

Ma Codependents amakhala ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse chifukwa amakonda kukopeka ndi anthu omwe amafunikira chithandizo, chisamaliro, chitetezo, komanso kudziletsa. Kupatula apo, okwatirana odalirana nthawi zambiri amasokonezeka ponena za momwe ubale wawo ulili. Ichi ndi chifukwa chake kudalirana ndi nkhawa nthawi zambiri zimakhalapo.

Popanda kulankhulana kwenikweni pakati pa okwatirana, kusowa ulemu konse, komanso kusakhala ndi malire abwino, ubale wodalirana nthawi zonse umakhala wopanda mgwirizano. Kuwonjezera pa mavuto, okwatirana odalirana amamva kuti alibe mgwirizano m'moyo, amamva kusakhazikika m'maganizo, ndipo nthawi zonse amakhala ndi mantha kuti sali okwanira. Zonsezi zimapangitsa kuti kuthetsa kudalirana kukhale kovuta kwambiri.

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6. Kusiya bwenzi si kusankha

Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti ngakhale kuti pali mavuto ndi kusayenerera komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha maubwenzi otere, anthu odalirana nthawi zambiri safuna kusiya. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amanena kuti kudalirana ndi njira yoipa kwambiri yoledzera, pomwe okwatirana amaonedwa ngati ophedwa kapena ozunzidwa.

Kupatula apo, mantha akuti sadzapezekanso chikondi kapena chikhulupiriro chozama chakuti “sichoyenera” zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zosatheka kuti odalirana omwe ali pachibwenzicho achoke muubwenziwo. Nthawi iliyonse munthu akamayesa kuwatsimikizira kuti ali pachibwenzi chosayenera , odalirana omwe ali pachibwenzi nthawi zambiri amagwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti, “Ndikudziwa koma…”. “Koma” ndi amene amawaletsa kusiya kapena kusiya chibwenzicho.

7. Anthu odalirana okha sangapange zisankho paokha

Anthu odalira pawokha amafunikira chitsimikiziro chakunja, makamaka kuchokera kwa anzawo. Ayenera kuuzidwa kuti iwo sali olakwa avutitsa kudzidalira kwawo ndikugonjetsa luso lawo lopanga zisankho molimbika. Othandizana nawo:

• Osadalira luso lawo
• Amaopa kupanga zosankha zolakwika
• Amawopa kukhumudwitsa anzawo ndi zisankho zawo
• Nthawi zonse amafuna wina atsimikizire zisankho zawo
• Angasangalale ndi moyo kokha ngati ali opereka

Malangizo 11 Othandizidwa ndi Katswiri Ophwanya Codependency Mu Ubale

Mukangoona zizindikiro za kudalirana kwa anthu, funso lotsatira ndi lakuti - kodi mungathe kukonza ubale wodalirana ndi anthu ena? Inde, koma njira yochotsera machitidwe odalirana ndi nthawi yayitali ndipo imafuna kudzisamalira kwambiri. Taganizirani za Grace ndi Richard, zomwe zakambidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Nicholas Jenner.

Grace ndi Richard anakhala m'banja kwa zaka makumi atatu. Richard anali munthu wodzikuza ndipo ankadziwa njira zonse zopezera Grace nzeru. Koma Grace, mosiyana, ankasonyeza zizolowezi zodalira kwambiri anthu ena. Nthawi zambiri ankasokoneza kudzipereka kwake ndi kufera chikhulupiriro chake ndi chikondi chake pa banja.

Munthu wamanyazi wina wopanda ulemu, anagwiritsa ntchito mkhalidwe wake wololeza kusonyeza mphamvu ndi kulamulira banja, kapena izi ndi zimene ankaganiza. M’chenicheni, Richard anali kumunyengerera, ndipo anamlola iye kulamulira banja monga momwe iye anafunira. Chifukwa cha kuledzera kwake, adalowa m'gulu la Alcoholics Anonymous koma posakhalitsa adasiya gululo. Adali ndi zibwenzi zingapo koma nthawi zonse Grace akamufunsa amamudzudzula pachilichonse kuphatikiza kukopeka kwake ndi akazi ena.

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Grace anadzimva wolakwa pa chilichonse, kuphatikizapo zinthu zambiri za mwamuna wake. Mwana wawo wamwamuna yekhayo atachoka panyumba atamaliza maphunziro ake, Grace anadwala matenda a empty nest syndrome . Pamene Richard anayamba kukhala yekhayekha komanso kusowa pokhala, ndipo mwana wake atapita, anayamba kusonyeza zizindikiro za nkhawa komanso kuvutika maganizo. Ngakhale kuti sankadziwa vuto lenileni, mtima wake unkafuna kuti asiye zizolowezi zokonda kulankhula ndi anthu ena.

Anazindikira kufunika kochitapo kanthu akatswiri ndipo anapita kuchipatala. Posakhalitsa Grace anazindikira zizindikiro zake. Tsopano popeza ankatha kuona mmene zinthu zinalili, ankafuna kudziwa mmene angasiyire kudalira pa zinthu zina. Njira yochira inali yayitali ndipo nthawi zambiri inali yovuta kwa iye kuti awone ziwanda zake koma pamapeto pake adaganiza zopatukana ndi Richard ndipo tsopano akukhala moyo wake monga bizinesi yabwino.

Popeza maubwenzi ambiri amenewa amakhala ndi munthu wokonda zinthu zina ndipo amaipiraipira pakapita nthawi, mantha akuti ubale wodalirana ndi munthu wina udzakhala wozunza komanso wachiwawa ndi enieni. Kuthetsa zizolowezi zodalirana ndi munthu wina n'kovuta koma n'kofunika kwambiri. Chifukwa chake ngati mukudabwa momwe mungagonjetsere kudalirana ndi munthu wina, kafukufuku watsimikizira kuti kulimba mtima ndi kudzidalira ndizofunikira. Nazi njira khumi ndi chimodzi zomwe mungagonjetsere kudalirana ndi munthu wina ndikuchira.

1. Funsani zolinga zanu, funsani mafunso ovuta

Ulendo wodziwa momwe mungasiye kukhala odalira kumayambira ndi inu. Ngati nthawi zina mumadzifunsa kuti, "Kodi ndine wodalira?", Zizindikiro zomwe tazitchula pamwambapa zitha kukuthandizani kumvetsetsa komwe mukuyimilira. Osanyalanyaza zizindikiro za codependency chifukwa kudzidziwitsa nokha kumakupangitsani kukhala osamasuka. Zingakuthandizeninso ngati mukuganiza kuti mungasiye bwanji kukhala odalira.

Khalani pansi ndikuyang'ana machitidwe anu pazaka zambiri. Codependency ndi khalidwe lopezedwa lomwe nthawi zambiri limayamba ali mwana. Choyamba, dzifunseni mafunso awa. Amangonena za inu, ndipo muyenera kuwayankha moona mtima kuti mudziwe nokha:

• Ndili mwana, kodi ndinayenera kudziletsa ndekha?
• Monga mwana, kodi ine ndi amene ankasamalidwa ndi aliyense kapena zinali njira ina?
• Kodi nthawi zonse ndinkakopeka ndi anthu amene ankafuna thandizo ndi chisamaliro?
• Kodi ndikuwopa kuti tsiku lina sindidzafunidwa ndi aliyense?
• Kodi ndimadzikonda ndekha kapena ndimadzimvera chisoni?
• Kodi ndimakonda kukhala pamalo othandizira?

Pali mafunso ambiri omwe mungafunse. Koma ndi funso lililonse, pakhoza kukhala kusokonezeka kwa malingaliro kotero yambani pang'onopang'ono, koma khalani oona mtima. Ngati yankho la mafunso onse kapena ambiri mwa awa ndi loipa, "inde", ndi nthawi yoti muvomereze kuti muli pachibwenzi chodalirana, ndipo ndi nthawi yoti musiye khalidwe loipali laubwenzi.

2. Lekani kudzimva kukhala ndi udindo waukulu pa okondedwa wanu

Mukukumbukira khalidwe la Julia Roberts mu Runaway Bride ? Ankasintha zosowa zake ndi zomwe amakonda nthawi zonse kutengera zosowa za okondedwa ake. Moti palibe amene ankadziwa mtundu wa mazira omwe amakonda! Khalidwe lotereli limafotokoza tanthauzo la kudalirana.

Ngati mungathe kugwirizana nazo, ndiye kuti njira yothetsera kudalirana imayamba ndi kuphunzira kulankhula zosowa zanu popanda kumverera mopambanitsa maganizo ndi zochita za mnzanuyo. Lolani mnzanuyo adziwe zomwe mumakonda, ndipo muwauze ngati mukufuna mazira anu adzuwa kapena ophwanyidwa. Mfundo ndi yakuti, musamakhumudwe ndi zosowa zanu. Osamva:

• Wolakwa pokhala ndi zosankha zosiyanasiyana
• Kuopa kuti simudzakondedwa pang'ono ngati munganene zakukhosi kwanu
• Monga mwalephera ngati simungathe kukonza mavuto awo
• Kuyankha pa zolakwa zawo, zolephera, kapena malingaliro awo

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3. Phunzirani kufotokoza zomwe mukufuna ndi zomwe mukufuna

Mukangovomereza khalidwe lanu lodzidalira (zidzapitirizabe kugwedezeka pakati pa kuvomereza ndi chisokonezo kwa nthawi yaitali), ndi nthawi yoti muyambe kulankhulana moona mtima ndi mnzanuyo. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri zomwe simungathe kuchita kuti muchiritse ndikukonza ubale wanu.

Mpaka pano, mwakhala mukunena zomwe mumaganiza kuti akufuna kumva, kapena zomwe mumakhulupirira kuti zingakupangitseni kulamulira, ndikutuluka m'mavuto. Koma osatinso. Adziwitseni kuti simungathe ndipo simungakhalenso woyambitsa zizolowezi/makhalidwe awo. Nazi njira zingapo zosinthira malingaliro anu.

• Gwiritsani ntchito mawu akuti "I".: M’malo moziika pachithunzipa, fotokozani maganizo anu ndi mmene mukumvera pogwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti “Ine”. Mwachitsanzo, "Ndimamva kukhala womangidwa kugwira ntchito 24 * 7", "ndimadzimva ndekha ndikusamalira chilichonse", kapena "Ndikufuna nthawi yokwaniritsa zosowa zanga" ndi mawu ena omwe mungagwiritse ntchito kusonyeza kuti mukufuna kumanga ubale wabwino.
• Osalowa mumasewera olakwa: Konzekerani kukambirana movutikira. M’malo mowaimba mlandu chifukwa cha kudalira kwanu, kambiranani za zothetsera. Mwachitsanzo, ngati muli kukhala ndi chidakwa ndipo mwakhala mukukuthandizani zaka zonsezi, nenani, “Ndili pano chifukwa cha inu koma sindingathe kukuthandizani pa chilichonse”
• Auzeni zomwe mukufuna: Muyenera kumudziwitsa mnzanu chithunzi chomwe muli nacho m'maganizo mwanu. M’mawu omveka bwino, oona mtima, auzeni zimene mukuyembekezera muubwenziwo. Sizophweka monga momwe zimamvekera. Wokondedwa wanu wakhala zaka zonsezi malinga ndi malingaliro awo ndi zofuna zawo, kotero inu kuwauza zomwe mukufuna sikudzatengedwa mokoma mtima. Koma tsimikizani mtima, moona mtima, ndi momveka bwino.

4. Dzipangeni nokha kukhala woyamba

Anthu odalirana nthawi zambiri amakhala nthawi yayitali akusamalira zosowa za ena ndikulowa m'moyo wawo kotero kuti amakhala ndi kudziona ngati wosafunika kwenikweni. Mukayesa kudziwa momwe mungasiyire kudzidalira, muyenera kuyesetsa kumanganso "mwini". Kudzisamalira ndi kudzikonda ndi zida ziwiri zamatsenga zomwe zingalimbikitse kudzimva kwa munthu payekha. Ndi mankhwala oletsa kudzidalira.

Ndi liti pamene mudaimbira anzako komaliza ndikukonza chakudya chamadzulo? Kodi mudaitanitsa liti chakudya chomwe mumachikonda kapena kuwonera konsati ya oyimba omwe mumakonda? Yakwana nthawi yoti tichite zonsezi ndi zina zambiri. Kuti muthane ndi vuto la kudalirana, muyenera kudzipanga kukhala chinthu chofunikira kwambiri. Kumbukirani mawu akuti, "Khalani ngwazi yanu ndipo mudzipulumutse nokha"? Chabwino, muyenera kuchita chimodzimodzi.

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5. Lolani ena asankhe okha

Chotsani zipewa zosaoneka ndipo lolani mnzanu ndi achibale ena apange zisankho zawo. Mungamve chisoni mukazindikira kuti "simukufunikanso", koma ichi ndi chomwe chikufunika. Muyenera kutuluka muubwenzi womwe uli pakati panu ndikukhazikitsa malire. M'malo mokakamiza kuyesetsa kukonza zinthu kwa ena kapena kuwapangira zisankho, aloleni kuti apange zisankho zawo. Izi ndizofunikira kwambiri kuti muthetse vuto la kudalirana.

6. Funsani thandizo

Kupempha thandizo kuyenera kukhala kosavuta, sichoncho? Eya, funsani wina yemwe amasonyeza makhalidwe odalira ndipo angakuuzeni momwe zingwe za mawu zimapotoka komanso m'mimba zimagwedezeka ngati angafunikire thandizo. Anthu amene ali ndi zikhoterero zongodalira pawokha ayamba kale kudziona ngati opanda pake. Ngati ali mumkhalidwe wofunikira chithandizo, amaona kuti mantha awo onse achitika, ndipo tsopano avumbulidwa.

Amaona kuti pokhala m’malo osoŵa, akudziwitsa okondedwa awo mmene alili osakhoza. Ngati mukulimbana ndi malingaliro otere, ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti kupempha thandizo kumafuna mphamvu. Kukhala pachiopsezo kumafuna kudziona kukhala wofunika kwambiri. Komanso, nkhani zambiri zozungulira mantha awa nthawi zambiri zimakhala zomveka kuposa zenizeni.

7. Khazikitsani malire abwino

Anthu omwe amadalirana nthawi zambiri amazunzidwa chifukwa sangathe kukhazikitsa malire olimba komanso abwinobwino ndipo amalola anthu kulowa m'malo mwawo mobwerezabwereza chifukwa nthawi zambiri samakhala olimba mtima kapena odzidalira. Chifukwa chake, kukhazikitsa malire abwino ndi mnzanu ndikofunikira kuti muthane ndi kudalirana. Ikani malire kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino mumtendere. Ndipo kumbukirani,

• Osapepesa kapena kuganiza mopambanitsa poika malire
• Ngakhale mnzanuyo sakuvomereza, chitanibe
• Onetsetsani kuti palibe zomveka kapena zofewa m'malire anu
• Onetsetsani kuti musapitirire nokha ndikusokoneza ena
• Panganinso za mnzanuyo. Podziikira nokha malire, muyenera kuwalankhula kuti adzikhazikitsenso awo

Palibe malire ofunikira kapena osafunikira, okhawo omwe ali ndi thanzi labwino komanso opanda thanzi. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukufuna kudziikira malire kuti musamanamize achibale anu kapena achibale a mnzako pazakumwa zawo, fotokozani momveka bwino. Auzeni kuti simudzagweranso mumsampha wolakwa ndipo simudzawabisa.

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8. Siyani zakale

Anthu odalira pawokha nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi ubwana wovuta, osasamalidwa komanso amakumana ndi zovuta. Lingaliro losalekeza la kupanda chithandizo, limodzi ndi kufunikira kosalekeza kwa kukondedwa, kungasiye chiyambukiro chosatha kwa aliyense. Chifukwa chake, khalani okoma mtima kwa inu nokha ndikusiya zakale zanu.

Dzidziwitseni nokha kudzera mu zokambirana zabwino komanso maubwenzi anu kuti ndinu ofunika, komanso momwe ena amakuchitirani ndi chizindikiro cha iwowo, osati inu. Chifukwa chake, kaya makolo anu sanalipo chifukwa cha ntchito zambiri, kapena chizolowezi chawo, kapena chifukwa choti anali osatha kuchita zinthu mwakuthupi kapena m'maganizo - palibe chomwe chinali cholakwika chanu koma munayenera kupirira zotsatira zake.

Khalani okoma mtima ku ubwana wanu, mwinamwake lembani kalata kwa wamng’ono wanuyo kuti akhazikike mtima pansi, ndi kupitiriza. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa njira zothandiza kwambiri kwa aliyense amene akuyesera kuti adziwe momwe angasiye kukhala odalira. Kulola kupita kudzakuthandizani kuchiza mkati ndikukonza machitidwe osayenera m'malo mongoyesa kuwaletsa (zomwe sizimagwira ntchito). Mpaka mutamvetsetsa ndikuvomereza kufunika kwanu, simudzatha kudziwa momwe mungagonjetsere kudalira.

9. Osadziweruza wekha

Codependents ndi m'modzi mwa otsutsa awo akuluakulu. Nthawi zonse amangokhalira kuweruza zochita zawo kapena zimene sachita n’kumadziimba mlandu chifukwa chofuna kusintha khalidwe lawo. Monga akatswiri amisala, nthawi zambiri timauza makasitomala athu kuti adzichepetse pang'ono pawokha komanso kuti asaweruze zomwe akuchita. Nayi imodzi mwazinthu zosavuta zomwe simungathe kuchita zomwe mungayesere kuti zichitike - dziuzeni tsiku lililonse:

• Ndine munthu wabwino ndipo ndimachita zomwe ndikuwona kuti ndizabwino kwambiri
• Sindingathe kulamulira zochitika zonse ndi zotsatira zake
• Nditha kupanga zisankho
• Zotsatira zake sizimasankha ngati chisankho chili chabwino kapena choipa
• Sindifuna kutsimikiziridwa ndi ena kuti ndidzikhulupirire ndekha
• Ndidzadzichitira chifundo
• Mmene ndimachitira zinthu ndi mmene anthu ena angandichitire

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10. Tangoganizirani wokondedwa wanu ali mu nsapato zanu

Mayankho omwe mukufuna nthawi zambiri amakhala mkati mwa zomwe mwakumana nazo komanso nzeru zanu. Koma kupeza mayankho amenewo kuli ndi ntchito yaikulu. Ngati mukuwonetsa zizindikiro za kudalirana ndipo mukufuna kudziwa momwe mungachiritsire , pali masewera olimbitsa thupi osavuta koma ogwira mtima omwe tikukulimbikitsani.

Tsekani maso anu ndikulingalira wokondedwa wanu wapafupi kapena wokondedwa kwambiri mu nsapato zanu. Yerekezerani kuti akuchita zinthu monga momwe inu mumachitira, ndikuchitiridwa chimodzimodzi monga momwe amachitira ndi okondedwa anu. Awoneni akudutsa mu moyo umene inu mukukhalamo tsopano. Ganizirani za chochitika champhamvu kwambiri chokhudzana ndi kudalirana, ndipo lingalirani iwo pamenepo.

Kodi munatsegula maso anu pafupifupi mphindi imodzi? Kodi mumamva kuti simungathe kuwawona momwe mumakhalira? Kodi munali mwachangu kutsegula maso anu ndikumva othokoza kuti anali malingaliro anu chabe? Yankho lanu pa izi mwina ndi "inde". Choncho, ganizirani zimene mukanawalangiza kapena kufuna kuti achite. Nawonso ndiye kuti mupite patsogolo.

11. Funsani thandizo kwa anzanu, gulu lothandizira anzanu

Nthawi zambiri, anthu odalirana asanazindikire zofooka zawo monga opereka, anzawo ndi anthu omwe akufuna zabwino zawo amazindikira. Ndikofunikira kumvetsera anthu awa, kulankhula nawo, ndikuwalola kuti akuthandizeni. Auzeni za dongosolo lanu, ndikuwapempha kuti akuthandizeni ngati angathe. Kumbukirani, musavutikenso chete.

Kupatula apo, ndikofunikira kukhala ndi malo otetezeka komanso anzanu omwe mungalankhule nawo, popanda mantha oweruzidwa komanso omasuka kuti akumvetseni. Palinso magulu a anzawo omwe amadalirana - mwachitsanzo, monga Alcoholics Anonymous kwa omwe ali ndi vuto la kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, pali Al-Anon kwa mabanja - kuti athandize pakuchira. Nthawi zina, kukokana wina ndi mnzake ndi njira imodzi yabwino kwambiri yodzichiritsira. Komanso kudziwa kuti si inu nokha amene mumamva choncho kungakhale njira imodzi yoyamba yochiritsira.

Magawo Obwezeretsanso Codependency

Mabwenzi odalirana amatha kuchira koma monga machiritso onse, izinso sizingachitike mwadzidzidzi. Zitha kutenga kulikonse kuyambira masabata mpaka miyezi kutengera mlingo wa codependency ndi nthawi ndi khama lodzipereka kuti mukhale bwino. Chofunika ndi kukhala woleza mtima ndi kusangalala ndi kusintha kwazing'ono kusiyana ndi kuthamangitsa zazikulu. Paulendo wanu wochira, mupeza kuti mukudutsa magawo awa:

• Kuzindikira: Mukudziwa kuti muli ndi vuto la codependency
• Action: Mumagwira ntchito mwakhama kuti mukhale bwino
• Kupititsa patsogolo: Mudzapeza kuti mwakula ndipo muli bwino tsopano

Mutha Kupeza Njira Yopita Patsogolo

Pofika pano, muyenera kuti mwamvetsetsa ngati muli ndi zizolowezi zodalira. Ndikofunika kukumbukira kuti kudalirana ndi khalidwe lopezedwa, ndipo ndi njira zokhazikika komanso zoganizira, kuswa kudalira ndiko kotheka, komanso kofunika. Pali chithandizo chokwanira. Ndi chithandizo cholankhulirana komanso thandizo lochokera kwa abwenzi ndi inu mwini, kusiya khalidwe loipali lodzidalira n'kotheka. Zomwe muyenera kuchita ndikudzidalira nokha ndi mphamvu zoyika zosowa zanu pamwamba pa ena, kamodzi.

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