Nkhani Yaubale Wa Polyamorous: Zokambirana Ndi A Polyamorist

Pafupifupi mwezi wapitawo, mnzanga wa bwenzi langa anali kudzacheza kuchokera ku New York ndipo adaganiza zokhala kwa masiku angapo kwawo. Pakati pa anzathu - ena omwe adakumanapo naye kale - panali chiyembekezo chachikulu chakukhala kwake. Anali atangofika ku San Antonio m’pamene ndinazindikira kuti mkanganowo unali wotani. Sindimadziwa kuti ndikumana ndi nkhani yokhudza ubale wa polyamorous.

Mimi anali wamtali, wodekha, mtsikana wokongola wazaka zapakati pa makumi atatu. Anali wachabechabe, wodekha komanso wokonda kukambirana mozama komanso watanthauzo. Ndinaphunzira kuti anali wojambula komanso wojambula pa TV. Ankakonda kuwerenga, anali olimba, komanso ankasewera ndi lingaliro lokhala wolemba.

Anali mtawuni kukachita nawo chikondwerero cholemba komanso chosangalatsa ndi anthu ochokera ku media pulojekiti yomwe amagwira. Tinasonkhananso madzulo a tsiku lomwelo ku kalabu mkati mwa mzinda kukondwerera tsiku lobadwa la mnzathu. Titamwa zakumwa zoledzeretsa pang'ono, pomwe anzathu adayamba kutembenukira kumalo ovina, Mimi adandiuza kuti adakhala m'banja zaka zopitilira zisanu ndi ziwiri, ndipo anali pachibwenzi cha polyamorous.

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Ndinaona kuti Mimi anali ndi maganizo amphamvu komanso ochititsa chidwi pa iye, zomwe mwina sizinkakhudzana kwambiri ndi thupi lake. Anali ndi luso lobadwa nalo lokhala womasuka pokhala pakati pa anthu. Amathanso kukambirana kangapo ndi maso ake owoneka bwino. Mwachidule, Mimi anali maginito.

Ndisanamvetse tanthauzo lonse la kakonzedwe ka ukwati kake, sanachedwe kunena kuti iye ndi mwamuna wake anali odzipereka kotheratu. Kungoti anali omasuka kuti azigonana ndi ena. Mwamuna wake, yemwe ankakhala ku London, anali ndi chibwenzi cha ku Spain. Nkhani yawo ya ubale wa polyamorous inandigwira nthawi yomweyo. Sindinamvepo za ubale ndi abwenzi atatu (kapena kupitilira apo) pakukhazikitsa kodzipereka.

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Ndinasangalatsidwa mokwanira ndi vumbulutso lake. Ndinamufunsa ngati angakonde kulemba za zomwe anakumana nazo pokhala mitala pa webusaiti yomwe ndinalembera. Pa nthawi iyi adasokoneza kuti afotokoze; polyamorous, osati mitala - ndi malingaliro awiri osiyana kwambiri.

Chomalizachi chimatanthauza ukwati wovomerezeka ndi amuna kapena akazi oposa mmodzi nthawi imodzi, ndipo choyamba ndi chizolowezi chokhala ndi ubale wodzipereka komanso wachikondi ndi amuna kapena akazi oposa mmodzi nthawi imodzi ndi chilolezo ndi chidziwitso cha onse okhudzidwa.

Polyamory imatha kukhala yosiyana siyana ndipo imatha kukhala yokhudzana ndi kugonana kapena ayi. Koma cholinga chake ndi kulumikizana kwamalingaliro, ngakhale kukumana kwakanthawi. Nkhani zaukwati wa mitala zinali zikadali zomwe ndidawerengapo nthawi ndi nthawi (kapena kuziwona); nkhani za polyamory zinali zatsopano. Zokambirana panthawiyi zinatha modzidzimutsa chifukwa anzathu anatisokoneza.

Nkhani za Polyamory - Zochita

Ku kalabu komwe tinali, patatha ola limodzi, ndinawona Mimi akuchita ubwenzi ndi mlendo yemwe anali atakhala patebulo pafupi nafe. Munthu wodzidalira anali wamtali, wowonda, wabuluu yemwe ankaoneka ngati Mtaliyana kuchokera patali, ndipo mosakayikira anakopeka naye. Anali pa bala, pamene ife tinali pabwalo lovina, titaledzera bwino ndi mowa wambiri womwe tinasakaniza.

Ngakhale kuti tinali osokonezeka, tinawaona akugawana manambala, kupsompsonana, ndi kukumbatirana mozama, mwachikondi Patapita nthawi, ndinamuwona bamboyo akuchoka ndipo analowa nawo mbali yathu yonse ngati kuti sizinapite.

Ndinakumana ndi Mimi patatha masiku awiri. Ndinamva kuti anali atakondana kale ndi mwamuna yemwe anakumana naye kumaloko. Iwo anaganiza zopititsa patsogolo zinthu tsiku lotsatira. Adafotokoza nkhani ya ubale wa polyamorous mwachisawawa.

Malinga ndi Mimi, adadya chakudya chamadzulo komanso kusambira m'dziwe la hotelo yomwe amakhala. Onse awiri adadya chakudya cham'mawa cham'mawa, cholumikizidwa mozama pazokambirana zabanja, ndale, zosweka mtima ndi ziyembekezo. Kenako adasiyana (akubwerera ku Los Angeles, komwe amakhala) ndikuseka ndikukondwera ndi zomwe zidachitika komanso kuya kwa kulumikizana. Zibwenzi zomwe zidagawana usikuwo pakutha kwake, ndipo chifukwa cha izo, zidaperekedwa ndi chisomo chathupi.

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Kodi maubwenzi a polyamorous amagwira ntchito bwanji?

Mimi anandiuza kuti ngakhale anali pachibwenzi cha polyamorous, uyu anali munthu wachisanu ndi chimodzi yemwe adagonana naye kupatula mwamuna wake. “Kwa ine,” iye anatero, “ndikofunikira kukhala ndi kugwirizana kwamalingaliro ndi munthu.

Ali mkati molankhula Mimi foni yake inayamba kuitana. Anali mwamuna wake akuitana. Anayenda kuchipinda china ndipo sanabwerenso kwa ola limodzi. Ndinayesera kumvetsetsa momwe nkhani zaukwati za polyamorous zimagwirira ntchito ngati za Mimi.

“Ine ndi mwamuna wanga,” iye anatero, “timayesetsa kuti tizilankhulana tsiku lililonse kwa ola limodzi. Timauzana chilichonse. Sitibisa chilichonse. Nthawi zina timakambirana kwambiri. Ndizabwino kwambiri.” Kulankhulana kwawo kunali kosangalatsa kwambiri. Mimi anakhala miyezi isanu ndi umodzi ndi mwamuna wake kunja kwa dzikolo ndipo miyezi isanu ndi umodzi ali kunyumba.

“Kukhala ndi anthu ambiri si kwa aliyense, komanso kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi—mfungulo ndiyo kudziwa chimene chimakupangitsani kukhala wosangalala.”

Ananena kuti mwamuna wake amadziwa kuti anali pa chibwenzi madzulo apitawo, chifukwa amagawana nkhani zawo za polyamory. "Ndizodabwitsa momwe tonsefe tingadziwire, nthawi iliyonse, winayo akakhala pa chibwenzi." Nthaŵi zambiri, iye anati, “amakhala okondwa kwa wina ndi mnzake.” Ili ndi lingaliro lomwe polyamory lili ndi liwu loti, "compersion" (kutenga chimwemwe mu chisangalalo cha okondedwa ndi maubwenzi).

Ubale ndi abwenzi atatu unali wachilendo kwa ine kuti ndimvetsetse nthawi imodzi. Mimi adakonza zinthu ndi chisomo chake chanthawi zonse komanso malingaliro omveka bwino. Kutengera kwake nkhani zaubwenzi wapoly kunali kosangalatsa kwambiri.

Kusintha kwa nkhani zaukwati za polyamorous

Iye anati, ubale wawo sunali wachikondi cha akazi ambiri poyamba. Zinatenga nthawi yayitali kuti afike pamlingo wodalirika komanso womvetsetsana. Ulendowu unali wofunika kwambiri kwa iye. Unamuthandiza kuzindikira kuti anali ndani kwenikweni ndikukumana ndi gawo la moyo wake wodzaza ndi kufooka komanso miyambo ya anthu. Kuchita izi mwa mzimu kunamumasuladi.

"Poyamba pamene tinali kumasuka ku lingaliro ili la maubwenzi a polyamorous, ndinasokonezeka ndipo ngakhale m'maganizo sindinkadziwa kuti zinandipangitsa kumva bwanji nditamva kuti mwamuna wanga amakonda munthu wina, kapena anali ndi munthu wokongola kwambiri kuposa ine.

Iye anawonjezeranso kuti, “Ndinakakamizidwa kuthana ndi nkhawa zanga kuti ndithe kuona kuyamikiridwa kwa mkazi wina ndi mwamuna wanga ngati kuvomereza kukongola kapena kukongola m'malo mondidzudzula.”

Mimi akuti adakhala paubwenzi kwa chaka chimodzi ndi munthu wina, munthu yemwe adakumana naye pa intaneti ndipo adacheza naye kwa miyezi ingapo asanakumane.

"Ndimaona lingaliro la kupanga zibwenzi kukhala zokopa komanso zosasangalatsa. Ndi pamene mupanga ubale wapamtima ndi munthu wina m'pamene mungathe kumuwona momwe iye alili. Kwa ine, kukokera kwa polyamory sikugonana. Kugonana ndi chinthu chosavuta kupeza ndipo mungathe kuchita zimenezo ndi chibwenzi chomasuka." "Koma poly", adatsindika, "ndi za kuthekera ndi ufulu wokonda kwambiri anthu angapo."

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Kusintha kwamalingaliro kudzera munkhani yake yaubwenzi wa polyamorous

Mimi adalankhula za nthawi yake pomwe adakhala miyezi ingapo akukhala yekha ku Croatia. Amuna kumeneko ndi okopa kwambiri, ngakhale akuluakulu. Ngakhale adapanga maubwenzi ambiri ozama komanso achikondi ndi amuna ndi akazi omwe adakumana nawo panthawi yomwe amakhala, adati palibe m'modzi yemwe adaganiza zogona nawo. Sindinkaona ngati ndikufunika kutero.

Iye anafotokoza kuti: “Lero tikuyembekezera kuti munthu m'modzi akhale zonse kwa ife; wokondedwa wathu, mkazi kapena mwamuna wathu, wotithandiza, mpulumutsi, bwenzi, wolimbikitsa nzeru, komanso wothandiza. Kodi zimenezo zingatheke bwanji? Kodi tingayembekezere bwanji zinthu zambiri chonchi kwa munthu m'modzi popanda kulephera? Ndikufuna kuti mbali zosiyanasiyana za umunthu wanga zifufuzidwe ndikuthandizidwa ndi anthu osiyanasiyana omwe angathe kufotokoza zonsezi. Nkhani za maubwenzi ambiri zimalola kuti zimenezo zichitike, ndiye bwanji osatero?”

Mimi atachoka, panapita nthawi kuti maganizo ake ayambe kuonekera. Zambiri zimene ananena zinali zomveka. Ndinali ndi nkhawa pang'ono ponena za kuthekera kwa maubwenzi a polyamorous kukhala osokonezeka ndipo ndinadziwa kuti sanali aliyense amene amamwa tiyi. Koma ndinkadziwanso kuti njira imodzi yaubwenzi singathandize aliyense. Ngati nkhani ya polyamory inali kusankha kwa wina, zabwino zonse kwa iwo paulendo wawo. Kwa aliyense wake ndikuganiza!

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Polyamory imatsutsa malingaliro achikhalidwe achikondi, koma kwa iwo omwe amachichita, ndizowona mtima, kulumikizana mwakuya, komanso kuvomereza zovuta zamalingaliro amunthu.

Kaya mukufuna kudziwa zambiri, kukayikira, kapena mukuganiza zokhala ndi chibwenzi cha polyamory nokha, chinsinsi cha ubale uliwonse wabwino—wokhala ndi mkazi mmodzi kapena mkazi mmodzi—ndi kulankhulana, ulemu, ndi kumvetsetsana. Aphunzitsi athu a ubale angathandize kuthana ndi polyamory, malire, ndi kukhazikika kwa malingaliro.

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