Pofufuza za kuchuluka kwa anthu onyenga ku America, General Social Survey inanena kuti amuna ndi omwe ali ndi mwayi waukulu wonyenga kuposa akazi. Munthu akangokumana ndi munthu amene amamukonda kwambiri, funso lalikulu lomwe limakhala m'maganizo mwake nthawi zonse ndi lakuti - Kodi adzanyenganso? Ngati kale anali wonyenga, kodi nthawi zonse adzakhala wobwerezabwereza?
Kuti tidziwe bwino nkhaniyi, tinakambirana ndi mphunzitsi wa moyo komanso mlangizi Joie Bose , yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa anthu omwe akukumana ndi mavuto a maukwati, kutha kwa mabanja, ndi zibwenzi zakunja kwa ukwati. Tinamufunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani munthu amamva chilakolako chofuna kuchita chigololo muubwenzi?” Iye amakhulupirira kuti, “Nthawi zambiri anthu sakonzekera kuchita chigololo pasadakhale. Pa gawo loyamba, zimachitika mwadzidzidzi. Kenako kumverera kwa ubale watsopano kumabweretsa chisangalalo. Kumakwaniritsa zomwe sizili muubwenzi womwe ulipo.”
“Komabe, pali zinthu zina zimene zimalepheretsa munthu kusudzulana.” M’pamenenso chinyengo chimayamba,” anawonjezera motero. Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, kusakhulupirika kumabweretsa kusweka mtima, kunjenjemera, kudziimba mlandu, ndi kuwawidwa mtima. Zomwe zimayimitsa kwambiri zachinyengo muubwenzi ndizovuta zakukhulupirirana. Tiye tikambirane ngati munthu wachinyengo nthawi zonse amakhala wachinyengo.
Kodi Adzanyenganso? Zomwe Ziwerengero Zikunena
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kuberedwa kungakhale kowononga koma mukuganiza chiyani? Si inu nokha. Kuchokera pamakhalidwe abwino, kubera mwachiwonekere ndiko kukana-ayi, koma padziko lonse lapansi, kusakhulupirika kumawoneka ngati chizolowezi osati chosiyana. Ziwerengero za serial cheater ndizodetsa nkhawa:
- 40% ya maubwenzi osakwatirana ndi 25% ya mabanja amawona chochitika chimodzi cha kusakhulupirika, malinga ndi kafukufuku
- china phunziro akuti 70% ya Achimereka onse amachitapo chibwenzi nthawi ina m'moyo wawo waukwati
- Pafupifupi munthu m'modzi mwa magawo asanu mwa anthu ochepera zaka 30 adagonana ndi munthu wina yemwe si bwenzi lawo, monga momwe amachitira kafukufuku
- Monga mwa izi phunziro, anthu (53.3%) omwe amakonda kunena kuti akubera ndi abwenzi apamtima, anansi, kapena odziwana nawo
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Kubwezera N'chiyani? Zinthu 7 Zoyenera Kudziwa
Kotero, ngati muyang'ana maukwati omwe akuzungulirani, mwamuna kapena mkazi wonyenga si chinthu chomwe chingakudodometseninso. Koma kodi pali njira iliyonse yodziwira kuti achitanso chinyengo? Nazi ziwerengero zosangalatsa zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuyankha izi: "Kodi angaberenso ngati ndimubweza?"
- 2016 wina phunziro adapeza kuti mwa anthu omwe adachita zachinyengo m'maubwenzi akale, 30% adabera anzawo omwe ali nawo panopa
- china phunziro anapeza kuti amene anali osakhulupirika muubwenzi wina anali ndi mwayi wowirikiza katatu kukhala wosakhulupirika paubwenzi wina.
- Research akuti 45% mwa omwe adanena kuti adabera wokondedwa wawo pachibwenzi choyamba adanenanso kuti adachitanso chimodzimodzi
Koma kuwerenga ziwerengero za anthu omwe anabera kangapo sikokwanira. Ndipotu, mungadziwe bwanji zizindikiro zoti anabera kangapo pa 'inu'? Ngati mukuganiza kuti mnzanuyo ali ndi chilakolako chofuna kukuchitirani zachinyengo, ndiye kuti tikukuthandizani. Tiyeni tifufuze zinthu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti muzichita zachinyengo mobwerezabwereza komanso njira zodziwira zizindikiro zomveka bwino zoti adzaberanso.
Makhalidwe Odziwika a A Seri Cheater
Joie akuganiza kuti mikhalidwe iwiri yodziwika bwino ya munthu wachinyengo ndi kusakhutira ndi kusasangalala. Iye anati: “Ngati pali chifukwa chokhalira wopanda chimwemwe muubwenzi umene ulipo komanso ngati mkhalidwewo ukukulirakulirabe, mpata wa kubera umawonjezereka.”
1. Palibe kuyankha mlandu
Anthu ochita zachinyengo nthawi zonse amaganiza kuti zizolowezi zachinyengo ndi chinthu chomwe amavutika nacho. Alibe mphamvu pa izi ndipo sangathe kuletsa. Ndipotu, mungadabwe ndi zinthu zodabwitsa zomwe anthu ochita zachinyengo amanena akakumana nazo. Vuto lili kulikonse komanso kulikonse kupatulapo iwowo.
2. Masewera a mlandu
Anthu onse ochita zachinyengo nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi luso lochita zinthu mopanda nzeru muubwenzi . Amachita zinthu mobisa ngati chikondi ndipo amasiya anzawo akumva kuti sangakwanitse kapena kuti ndi omwe amachititsa zachinyengozo. Munthu wochita zachinyengo nthawi zambiri amaika chibwenzi chawo pa mnzawo. Mawu monga akuti “Simunakhalepo panyumba pa ine” kapena “Simunakwaniritse zosowa zanga zakuthupi” amamveka kawirikawiri. Inde, izi ndi zopotoka komanso zoopsa.
3. “Si nkhani yaikulu choncho!”
Pa zizindikiro zonse za munthu wochita zachinyengo nthawi zonse, ichi ndi choipa kwambiri. Amachepetsa kukula kwa vutoli poyesa kusintha khalidwe la zachinyengo. Amaganiza kuti izi zimachitika kawirikawiri ndipo zinthu zotere zimachitika nthawi ndi nthawi. Mosakayikira, malingaliro okwiyitsa awa amachititsa kuti mnzakeyo akumane ndi mavuto ambiri. Munthu wokhudzidwayo sangathe kumvetsa chifukwa chake munthu wochita zachinyengo sasonyeza chisoni.
Kodi chimodzi mwa zizindikirozi chinagwirizana ndi zomwe mukukumana nazo muubwenzi wanu? Mukudziwa kale ziwerengero za onyenga opereka anzawo kachiwiri. Koma ngati mukufuna kumveketsa bwino ngati mwamuna wanu adzanyenganso kapena ayi, dutsani zizindikiro 11 izi zomwe muyenera kukhala tcheru.
11 Zizindikiro Adzanyenganso
Chilimwe, dokotala wa ku Kansas, akutiuza nkhani yake. Pamene Joey adanyenga Chilimwe, adakhumudwa kwambiri. Zinamutengera miyezi isanu ndi umodzi yabwino kuti amukhululukire kotheratu koma izi sizinamupangitsenso kusasamala ndi mtima wake. Ngakhale zinali choncho, zinam'phunzitsa kukhala tcheru ndi tcheru kuti asavulalenso. Anayamba kuona patapita chaka kuti atalikirana naye ndipo amathera maola ochuluka kwambiri ku ofesi - zizindikiro zoyamba kuti azaberanso.
Chilimwe sichinafune kungoima kumbuyo n’kumuyang’ana akuchita zinthu zomwezo kuti amupusitsenso. Anamuyang’ana. Anadziwa kufunika kwa kukhululukirana muubwenzi koma kunali kokwanira. Uwu unali mwayi womaliza ndipo iye anali atalakwitsa kwambiri. Anaganiza kuti kuchokapo ndiyo njira yabwino kwambiri kwa iye.
Ngati munakumanapo ndi zomwezi m'mbuyomu ndipo mukuyesera kukonza ubale wanu, sizimapweteka kukhala maso. Ingokhalani wochenjera osati wokayikitsa mopambanitsa. Chifukwa ngati akukonza zowonadi kuti akonze chibwenzicho, zochita zanu zingamuthamangitse.
Tisanalowe m'mawonekedwe ake kuti adzaberanso, tiyeni tidutsenso zizindikiro zofunika kwambiri zomwe Joie amatsindika kwambiri: "Tawonani ngati sakubisa komwe ali posachedwapa kapena ngati zochita ndi mawu ake sizikufanananso. Kodi akukhala wachikondi kwambiri komanso watcheru? kuwononga ndalama, ndi nthawi yoti muchite mantha.”
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kunyenga Mu Ubwenzi Wakutali - Zizindikiro 18 Zobisika
1. Adanyenga mu ubale wake wakale
Nthawi zambiri zimanenedwa kuti zomwe mnzathu adachita m'mbuyomu siziyenera kutidetsa nkhawa ndipo ndi zomwe zili pano zokha. Koma ngati adanyenga anzake apambuyo pake kenako pa inu, ndiye kuti pali ndondomeko yozama apa. Mofanana ndi kukopeka koipa ku chizoloŵezi chochititsa manyazi chimenechi, iye angabwererenso m’njira yomweyo. Ngati mwamuna wanu amabera kangapo, ndiye kuti mnzanuyo ndi wabodza.
2. Salankhulana bwino
Mwina akumva chisoni kwambiri ndi zimene anachita koma inuyo mukukhulupirira kuti zatha? Nkosavuta kukhulupirira amuna amene amalankhula momasuka zosoŵa zawo ndi zochita zawo. Amuna ena amakonda kusabisa zakukhosi kwawo, mwina poopa kukukhumudwitsani kapena chifukwa chakuti ali ndi chinachake chobisa. Pepani, koma chimenecho si chowiringula chabwino.
Pali chizindikiro chimodzi chomwe chikuoneka kuti adzanyenga mtsogolo. Ngati akufuna kuyambanso chibwenzi, ayenera kukhala woona mtima ndikukutsimikizirani kuti akudandaula kuti adakunyengani. Apo ayi, mavutowo adzapitirira kukula. Iye ndi inu muyenera kufotokoza zomwe mukuyembekezera paubwenzi wanu panthawi yokonzanso ubale.
3. Kusunga zinsinsi ndi chimodzi mwazizindikiro kuti adzachitanso chinyengo
Regina Solomon (dzina losinthidwa) anavutika chifukwa cha chibwenzi chachinsinsi cha mwamuna wake kwa zaka zambiri. Iwo anagwirizana mwanjira ina pambuyo pa nkhondo yaikulu koma zinthu sizinali choncho. Iye anati: “Chimene chimandikwiyitsa kwambiri n’chakuti amakonda kundibisira zinthu.
Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za mwamuna wonyenga ndi chakuti mumamupeza akunama pa zinthu zazing'ono, nthawi zonse. Nazi zizindikiro zina zosonyeza kuti munthu wina akhoza kunyenga:
- Amakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi chitetezo chachinsinsi cha zida zake
- Foni yake nthawi zonse imakhala pansi kapena m'thumba
- Amapita pakona kukakumana ndi mafoni nthawi zina/Sayankha mukakhala pafupi
- Amachita zachilendo mukayesa kugwiritsa ntchito laputopu yake ntchito zina
- Sakuuza kumene wakhala ngakhale kuti anali kunja kwa maola ambiri
- Mumapeza kudzera mwa bwenzi lapamtima kuti sanali kucheza kwenikweni ndi anzake pambuyo ntchito
- Amanyamula zida zake mozungulira ngati nthambi, kuwopa kuti mungakumane ndi zomwe sakufuna kuti muchite
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kuulula Kunyenga Kwa Mnzanu: Malangizo 11 a Akatswiri
4. Mayi winayo akadali gawo la equation
Ngakhale chibwenzi chitatha, mthunzi wake umakhala waukulu kwa kanthawi. Nthawi yokha ndi yomwe ingachiritse ululu, koma ungathetse bwanji ngati mwamuna wanu akupitiriza kukumana ndi mkazi winayo mwachinsinsi? Ngati akupitiriza kulankhulana ndi wokondedwa wake pazifukwa zilizonse (mwina ndi anzake kapena ali ndi maubwenzi omwe sangasweke), zimasonyeza kuti sakumvera chisoni. Ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoti adzanyenganso. Mungakhale otanganidwa kupeza momwe mungapangire mkazi winayo kuti achoke . "Ngati mukhululukira mnzanuyo chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kwake, kuthetsa kwake ubale ndi mkazi winayo sikungatheke kukambirana," akutero Maansi Harish, mlangizi wa ku Mumbai.
Iye akuwonjezera kuti, “Musalole kunyalanyaza ulemu wanu. Joie akunenanso kuti, "Ngati mkazi/mwamuna winayo atsalira, ndiye kuti zimangokhala zovuta ndipo mwayi woti achitenso chiwerewere ukuwonjezeka. Iwo amagawana malo otonthoza ndi equation yomwe inawakwaniritsa poyamba, mukukumbukira? Izi ndizovuta komanso zosasangalatsa. Woberedwa amakhala wokayikira nthawi zonse." Komabe, kudula maubwenzi sikungathetse kukayikira kwanu pa funso lofunika kwambiri - Kodi mwamuna wanga adzanyenganso?
5. Sanakonzekere kupita mtunda wowonjezera
Kodi mungabwezeretse bwanji chidaliro mutachita chinyengo? Katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia anati, "Mukachita cholakwika chachikulu, ndikofunikira kuvomereza kuti pakhala kuwonongeka. Nkhaniyi ikhoza kukhala yovuta koma iyenera kuyankhidwa. Munthu amene wayambitsa kuvulala kwa maganizo amafunika chifundo chachikulu, kuti avomereze kuti iye ndiye amene wayambitsa kuvutika kwa mnzanuyo. Ndikofunikira kupereka mpata ndikukhala ndi kuleza mtima komanso kupirira."
Chotero, pamene mwamuna achita manyazi ndi kupanda nzeru kwake, ayenera kuchita chirichonse chimene angathe kuti mumkhulupirire ndi kukupangitsani kumva kuti mumakondedwa. Ayenera kuchita chilichonse chomwe chingakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu otetezeka. Taganizirani izi. Kodi mwamuna wanu akuchita zimenezo? Kodi amakuchititsani kumva kuti ndinu wofunika komanso wolemekezeka? Ngati yankho liri ayi, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zotsimikizika kuti adzaberanso.
6. Maonekedwe a thupi lake ndi achinyengo
Katswiri wa zamaganizo wa zachipatala Shincy Nair Amin anati, “Ofufuza apeza kuti amuna omwe amalakwitsa sangasunge nkhope ya poker ndipo akhoza kunenedweratu molondola koma chosangalatsa n’chakuti, akazi omwe amabera chinyengo ndi ovuta kuwawerenga.” Mutha kutenga mafunso awa kuti mudziwe ngati akunama za chinyengo:
- Kodi mukuwona kukayikira m'mawu ake? Inde/Ayi
- Kodi amaphethira mwachangu kapena amatuluka thukuta pomwe akuyesera kuti abwere ndi nkhani yodalirika yoti afotokozere zomwe adalemba? Inde/Ayi
- Kodi mwamuona akukokomeza nkhani yosavuta? Inde/Ayi
- Kodi nthawi zambiri mumamupeza akupewa kuyang'ana maso pamene akulankhula nanu? Inde/Ayi
- Kodi amamenya chitsamba kunena zabodza komwe ali? Inde/Ayi
- Kodi mumamuona kuti alibe mtendere kapena amanjenjemera akamalankhula nanu? Inde/Ayi
Ngati mwayankha movomereza mafunso atatu omwe ali pamwambapa, mwina muli ndi umboni woti mnzanu wachita chinyengo . Kuyang'anitsitsa momwe thupi lake limayankhulira (monga mawu ake akumveka modzidzimutsa kapena kumveka mokweza) ndi njira imodzi yodziwira ngati mnzanuyo akunama za chinyengo.
7. Ndiwochezeka kwambiri ndi akazi ena
Ngati nthawi zonse mumamupeza akukopana ndi anzake achikazi (ngakhale mutamuuza kuti simukumva bwino), ndiye kuti sakuchita khama kuti ubale wanu ukhale wabwino. Khalidweli ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zakuti sakulemekezani . Ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za munthu amene nthawi zambiri angabwerezenso kuchita zachiwerewere.
“Ndimadana nazo kwambiri mwamuna wanga akamayamba kuchita zinthu mwatsopano ndi mkazi.” Kufunitsitsa kwake kutsimikiziridwa ndi munthu n’kochititsa manyazi koma amakutcha kukopana kosavulaza. akufunsa Bela Biel, wokongoletsa. Mlangizi wina wa ku Mumbai, dzina lake Maansi, anati: “Pamenepo ndi bwino kuti munthu asamachite zinthu zimene zingakuchititseni kuti musamamve bwino, ndipo zimenezi zimasonyeza kuti sasiya.”
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 15 Zosonyeza Kuti Mwamuna Kapena Mkazi Wanu Amakukondani
8. Amasewera khadi lozunzidwa
Ngakhale kuti maganizo anu ndi ofooka, yang'anani maganizo ake ndi mawu ake mukamufunsa za chinyengo chake. Udindo muubwenzi umadalira kusonyeza kuyankha mlandu. Mwina munalakwitsanso koma ngati akukuimbani mlandu inu nokha, ndipo sakufuna kuvomereza udindo umene adachita, adzanyenganso ndikudzilungamitsa mwanjira yomweyo.
Joie anati: “Zikatero, munthuyo amafunikira uphungu waukatswiri womuthandiza kuti atuluke m’kukana kumeneku.
9. Amakuphwetsani;
Kodi amakutchani "mkazi wamisala" nthawi iliyonse mukamasonyeza kusadzidalira kwanu? Kukutchani kuti ndinu wokwiya kwambiri/wokayikira ndi njira yakale yosinthira mawu . Anthu onyenga nthawi zambiri amagwiritsa ntchito njira zowunikira mpweya kuti akupangitseni kukayikira zenizeni zanu ndikuchepetsa malingaliro anu. Chifukwa chake, ngati sakukupatsani chitsimikizo chofunikira ndipo akukunyengererani m'malo mwake, yankho loona mtima la "Kodi adzanyenganso ndikam'bwezera?" ndi inde.
10. Zomwe zidapangitsa kuti kuberako sikunakhazikitsidwe
Malinga ndi maganizo a Joie, “Munthu akangobera, nthawi zonse amakhala wakuba” si zoona kwenikweni. Iye anati, “Kubera ndi zotsatira chabe za zinthu zoipa. Ngati zinthu zitasintha pamapeto pake, ndiye kuti sizidzapangitsanso kusakhulupirika. Koma ngati zinthu zomwe zinayambitsa chinyengo poyamba zipitirirabe, kuchita chinyengo kungabwerezedwenso.” Monga momwe akunenera, munthu amene akufuna thandizo la maganizo angakhalenso mtundu wa anthu obera.
Mwinamwake iye ananyenga chifukwa inu maganizo osowa. Kapena mwina chifukwa chakuti sanathe kufotokoza zosoŵa zake zosakwaniritsidwa momasuka, moona mtima, ndi mowonekera. Ngati nkhanizi zikadalipo, ndiye kuti akhoza kupezanso kuthawa kwake mu kusakhulupirika, m'malo mokonza zinthu moyenera. Chifukwa chake, muyenera kuyesetsa kuti muchepetse kunenepa kwanu ndikuchitanso khama. Ubale wabwino umafuna ntchito yamagulu.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungagwirire Mnzanu Wonyenga - Machenjerero 13 Okuthandizani
11. Anakulira m’banja losayenda bwino
Mwinamwake adawona mmodzi kapena makolo ake onse akunyenga kangapo pamene akukula. Kapena mwina anakulira m’dera limene kubisa choonadi kunali chizolowezi. Kusaona mtima kwake kungakhale kokhudzana ndi zowawa zake zaubwana. Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe adzanyenga kachiwiri ndi kusowa kwa kuyesa kwenikweni kukonza mabala akuyawo.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Ngati mnzanuyo adanyenganso maubwenzi ake akale, ndiye mbendera yofiira
- Kuunikira kwa gasi ndi chimodzi mwazodziwika bwino za anthu onyenga ambiri
- Matupi achinyengo ndi chibadwa chobisa ndi zizindikiro zina zochenjeza
- Ndi chizindikiro chabwino ngati akupita mtunda wowonjezera kuti akupangitseni kumva kuti mumakondedwa
- Simukufuna ngwazi yaubwenzi, mumangofunika munthu yemwe ali ndi mlandu komanso wachisoni kuti akonzenso ndikukhala osasinthasintha.
- Nthawi zonse khulupirirani m'matumbo anu ndipo funani thandizo la akatswiri, kuti akonzere ubale wanu kapena chisamaliro chanu
Pomaliza, nthawi yoti chowonadi chachinyengo chikangoyamba kumene, ikhala nthawi yovuta kwa banja. Ikhoza kudziwa tsogolo la ubalewo. Choncho, okwatirana ayenera kudutsamo mosamala. Koma monga nthawi zonse, onse awiri ayenera kukhala ndi cholinga chimodzi - kuyambiranso kukhulupilira ngakhale mukuwopa kuti adzachitanso chinyengo. Koma ndi nthawi yoti tipite patsogolo ndikuwonetsetsa kuti zomwe zidachitika kale sizichitikanso.
Ponena za momwe mungagonjetsere malingaliro oipa a kuperekedwa ndi momwe mungalumikizane ndi mwamuna wonyenga amene wakupwetekani, Nandita akulangiza kuti, "Nthawi zina, kusakhulupirika kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wokwatira kumayambitsa mavuto omwe awiriwa sangathe kuthetsa okha. Pazochitika zotere, zimathandiza kufunafuna malangizo kwa munthu wodziwa zambiri, wokhwima, komanso wosaweruza. Akhoza kukhala wachibale, bwenzi, kapena mlangizi waluso." Ngati mukufuna thandizo, alangizi athu ochokera ku gulu la Bonobology ali pafupi nanu.
Ibibazo
Anthu amabera pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana. Kungakhale kusagwirizana, kukopeka ndi wina, ndi kusakhutira ndi ubale umene ulipo, kapena chifukwa munthuyo ndi wabodza wokakamiza komanso wachinyengo.
Zingakhale zovuta kukhululukira khalidwe lake lakale koma ngati akumva chisoni ndi mtima wonse ndipo ali wokonzeka kuyesetsa kubwezeretsa chidaliro, ndipo akufuna kukusiyani, mungamupatse mwayi wina. Koma ngati mwamuna wachita zachinyengo kangapo, ndiye kuti pali njira zina zazikulu zomwe zikugwira ntchito. Samalani ndi zizindikiro zowopsa za ubale wa mwamuna.
Kulimbana ndi kusakhulupirika ndikovuta kwambiri. Chotsani chibwenzicho, kapena perekani mwayi kwa mnzanuyo mutayesa zinthu zingapo - Kodi amakonda kukukhumudwitsani? Kodi pali mpata woti angaberenso? Kodi mudakhalapo ndi zokambirana zokhudzana ndi zosowa zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe muubwenzi?
Ngati walapa ndikulumbira kuti sadzasokeranso, ngati awonetsa zizindikiro zolapa ndikukonza nthawi yayitali, ndipo mwatsimikiza kuti kunali kulakwa kwenikweni, ndiye kuti mungaganize zomubwezeranso.
Katswiri Watiuza Zomwe Zimakhala M'maganizo mwa Munthu Wachinyengo
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
