Zizindikiro 10 Zakukanidwa Mu Ubale Ndi Zoyenera Kuchita

Mutha kuganiza kuti mukakhala pachibwenzi, mutha kusiya kuda nkhawa kuti akukanidwa. Palibe mwayi wotero. Kukanidwa kungayambitse mutu wake wonyansa mu maubwenzi apamtima ndipo zizindikiro za kukanidwa mu chiyanjano zimakhala zambiri. Sizofanana ndi kukhala ndi mzimu ndi machesi a Tinder, koma zimapweteka, mwinanso zochulukirapo.

Kumverera kukanidwa ndi mnzanu, kaya nonse mwafotokozera ubale wanu, kungakhale kowawa komanso kosokoneza. Zizindikiro zakukanidwa pachibwenzi nthawi zina zimakhala zosamveka komanso zosagwirizana, ndikukusiyani mukudabwa kuti zikutanthauza chiyani, ngati akutumiza zizindikiro zosakanikirana, komanso zomwe zikutanthauza kuti ubale wanu. Komanso, kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani padziko lapansi chikondi kapena kukonda kukazizira mwadzidzidzi?

Padzakhala mafunso ochuluka m'maganizo mwanu, ndipo ngakhale tikukutsimikizirani kuti mayankhowo sangakhale osangalatsa kapena zomwe mukufuna kumva, ndikwabwino kumveketsa bwino ubale wanu kusiyana ndi kukhala movutikira.

Tinayankhula ndi mphunzitsi wamaganizo komanso oganiza bwino Pooja Priyamvada (yotsimikiziridwa mu Psychological and Mental Health First Aid yochokera kwa Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ndi University of Sydney), yemwe amagwira ntchito yopereka uphungu wa zibwenzi kunja kwa banja, kulekana, kupatukana, chisoni, ndi kutayika, kungotchulapo zochepa chabe. Anafotokoza zizindikiro zina za kukanidwa mu maubwenzi, ndi momwe mungathane nazo popanda kutaya malingaliro anu.

Zomwe Zimayambitsa Kukanidwa M'maubwenzi

Zizindikiro za kukanidwa muubwenzi zingakhalenso zizindikiro za kuchepa kwa ubale. Koma, nchiyani chomwe chayambitsa kukana kumeneku? Nchiyani chimapangitsa kuti anthu ayambe kukana okondedwa awo?

"Kukana kungakhale chifukwa cha zifukwa zambiri," Pooja akuti. “Anthu ena amaopa kudzipereka kapena kuyamba chibwenzi chifukwa amaona kuti ufulu wawo ungawachepetsere.

Nkhawa za ubale ndi zenizeni ndipo kuopa kukanidwa m'maubwenzi kungabwere chifukwa chokhumudwa kwambiri kapena mbiri ya nkhanza. Kudzipereka-phobe, kumbali ina, kungasonyeze kukana maganizo, kuopa kusintha kwa moyo wawo komwe sakufuna kupirira. Izi, nazonso, zimatsogolera ku maubale a mbali imodzi, kusungulumwa kwadzaoneni, ndi kusoŵa ubwenzi.

Ndikofunikira kuyesa ndikuzindikira zifukwa zokanira kuti mudziwe ngati zimachokera ku mantha ndikusowa chilimbikitso, kapena ngati mukungochita ndi munthu amene sasamala za zosowa zanu, momwemo muyenera kuchoka pa ubale umenewo.

Zizindikiro Zapamwamba za 10 Mukukanidwa Ndi SO Yanu

Zizindikiro zakukanidwa pachibwenzi zimakhala zosiyanasiyana ndipo zimatha kukhala zobisika. Dziwani, musagwere m'dzenje poganiza kuti mnzanu akukukanani nthawi iliyonse yomwe ali kunja ndi abwenzi kapena akugwira ntchito mochedwa. Nazi zizindikiro zenizeni zosonyeza kuti mukukanidwa ndi okondedwa anu:

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1. Nthawi zonse amakhala otanganidwa

Pooja anati: “Mnzanuyo ali ndi ufulu wokhala ndi nthawi yakeyake komanso moyo wake wosiyana koma akufunikanso kupeza nthawi yocheza nanu komanso pachibwenzi.” Ngati mnzanuyo amakhala wotanganidwa nthawi zonse ndipo alibe nthawi yocheza nanu, ndiye kuti akukanani.

Pali mzere wabwino pakati pa kuonetsetsa kuti onse omwe ali muubwenzi amakhala ndi moyo wolemera, wathanzi komanso kukhalapo kwa wina ndi mzake poika nthawi ndi khama mu chiyanjano. Mawu ogwiritsidwa ntchito kwambiri oti 'ntchito-moyo wabwino' amatanthauzanso kuyang'ana zinthu zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala 'wotanganidwa'. Kusamala mu maubwenzi apamtima nthawi zonse ndi yofunika.

Pamapeto pake, ndi kusankha kusakhala mbali ya maubwenzi ambali imodzi komanso kukanidwa kwamalingaliro. Ndipo, ndikusankhanso kusakhala munthu yemwe khalidwe lake limayambitsa zizindikiro zokanidwa pachibwenzi. Mukuyenera kukhala ndi munthu yemwe amakuwonetsani pomwe mukumufuna ndipo amakuikani patsogolo nthawi zambiri.

Inde, mmodzi kapena nonse mudzakhala otanganidwa ndi ntchito, banja, ndi mapangano kunja kwa ubale wanu nthawi ndi nthawi. Koma zonse ndi za a ubale wabwino ndipo palibe ubale womwe umagwira ntchito popanda kuyesetsa kuchokera mbali zonse ziwiri.

2. Sayankha kuyitanidwa kapena kutumizirana mameseji

O, kuwawa kwa mizimu, pamene amangosowa ndikukana kulankhulana mwanjira iliyonse. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zapamwamba za kukanidwa mu ubale. Kumverera ngati kukukanidwa ndi mnzanu mwanjira imeneyi mwina ndi chimodzi mwazoyipa kwambiri chifukwa kulumikizana kwaubale ndikofunikira kuti musunge mgwirizano, ndipo mzukwa amatsutsa kwathunthu.

"Mayankho awo ku mameseji amachedwa ndipo nthawi zambiri amangotenga mafoni anu. Kuyankhulana kwa tsiku ndi tsiku ndikofunikira muubwenzi - ndi momwe mumasinthirana pazinthu zazing'ono (ndi zazikulu) zomwe zikuchitika m'moyo wanu. Ngati sakuyankha nthawi zambiri, ndicho chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kuchepa kwa ubale, "Pooja akuti.

Tsopano, tisaganize kuti mawu osiyidwa pa 'kuwerenga' pang'ono amangowonetsa zizindikiro zakukanidwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe mukumuwona. Koma ngati zichitika nthawi zonse ndipo mukuyenera kuvutika kuti mupange kulumikizana kwamtundu uliwonse ndi iwo, muyenera kuwadziwitsa kuti sizili bwino, ndikuzindikira ngati uwu ndi ubale womwe mukufuna kukhala nawo.

3. Nthawi zambiri amabwereza kunena kuti sali okonzeka kudzipereka

Zabwino zodzipereka zakale-phobes! Kodi kukambirana za ubale kukanakhala kuti popanda iwo! Dziwani, wina kunena kuti sanakonzekere kudzipereka sikungatanthauze kuti sadzakhalapo. Koma zikutanthauza kuti ali pa nthawi yosiyana muubwenzi komanso m'miyoyo yawo, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti akukana zomwe mukufuna muubwenzi.

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"Kunena mobwerezabwereza za momwe sali okonzeka kudzipereka kungatanthauze kuti mnzawo wayamba kale kukana ndikuyang'ana zifukwa zokanira," Pooja akuchenjeza.

Izi zangochitika ndi Marina, wopanga mapulogalamu wazaka 30 waku Delaware. Iye anati: “Ndinkaona munthu kwa miyezi yoposa eyiti.

Mukamayang'ana zizindikiro zokanidwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi, phobia yodzipereka Ndithu, munthu ayenera kusamala. Phobia yodzipereka imatha chifukwa choopa kukanidwa ndi maubwenzi, kotero ngati mumawakonda, mungafune kuzama mozama pakudzipereka kwawo. Ngati sichoncho, ndi nthawi yoti mupite patsogolo ndikutenga izi ngati zizindikiro za kukanidwa muubwenzi.

4. Akuona anthu ena

Mvetserani, ndife tonse maubale otseguka ndi polyamory, koma izi zikutanthauza kuti onse okhudzidwa mu chiyanjano avomereza pamene zinthu zikuyimira kukhulupirika ndi kukhulupirika. Ngati simuli okonzeka kuwona anthu ena, koma mnzanuyo ali, ndiko kukana mawu anu paubwenzi.

"Ngati akukusungani momasuka, ndiye kuti muli pachiwopsezo chokanidwa kuchokera kumapeto kwawo," akutero Pooja. Ngakhale atakhala oona mtima powona anthu ena osazembera kumbuyo kwanu, chowonadi ndichakuti amaganiza kuti uwu ndi ubale wamba kapena abwenzi opeza cholowa. Apanso, palibe cholakwika ndi zimenezo, pokhapokha mutafuna zinthu zosiyanasiyana zomwe zidzangotha ​​mwa inu kuvulazidwa. Mitundu ya kukanidwa pachibwenzi imaphatikizapo kusakhala pa tsamba limodzi za mtundu wa ubale womwe mukufuna. Ndipo, inu simukusowa kuti mutenge izo.

5. Sapanga mapulani enieni ndi inu

"Ngati nthawi zambiri mumakhala dongosolo lawo losunga zobwezeretsera osati pulani yayikulu, izi zikutanthauza kuti simuli patsogolo pawo," akutero Pooja. Kukanidwa mu maubwenzi nthawi zambiri kumawoneka ngati kusamveka kokhumudwitsa popanga mapulani, kapena kungothamangitsidwa nthawi zonse.

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Andie, wazaka 33, wopanga ma podikasiti anati: “Ndinkaona munthu kwa miyezi ingapo, ndipo zinkaoneka ngati zikupita kwinakwake.”

Zizindikiro za kukanidwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi zimakhala zowawa pamene mmodzi wa inu akuyesera kulimbitsa ubale ndipo wina amangokana kupanga mapulani, kukuwonani nthawi zonse, ndi zina zotero. Kotero, ngati nthawi iliyonse mukukonzekera mini-yopuma kapena tsiku, iwo akuimirira inu kapena kukuuzani iwo ali otanganidwa, pitirizani.

6. Simunakumanepo ndi achibale kapena anzanu apamtima

Osati kuti mukuyenera kukumana ndi achibale awo onse nthawi imodzi (kwenikweni, mwinamwake mungathe kupewa zimenezo kwamuyaya!), Koma ubale wapamtima weniweni ndi wofuna kudziwana ndi munthu winayo, ndipo gawo lina ndilo kufika kwa anthu omwe ali nawo pafupi ndi omwe adawadziwa nthawi yaitali.

Ngati sipanatchulidwepo kukudziwitsani kuti mukacheze ndi anzawo kapena ngati kutchulidwa kuti mumakumana ndi amayi awo kumawapangitsa kukhala ming'oma, ndicho chizindikiro chimodzi cha kukana muubwenzi. Ngakhale zili choncho kukambirana ndi mnzawo za banja lomwe silikuyenda bwino, akadali mtundu wa ubwenzi kukambirana.

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa mitundu yokanidwa yomwe muyenera kuyang'ana ngati mwawadziwitsa kwa anzanu komanso kulankhula nawo kwa banja lanu. Izi zimangowonetsa kuti muli m'malo osiyanasiyana muubwenzi ndipo mukuyembekezera zosiyana, zomwe sizimatha bwino.

7. Iwo si anthu oyamba amene mungawaitane kuti akulimbikitseni

Ayi, izi sizili zofanana ndi kukhala bwenzi loumirira kapena chibwenzi. Mukakhala ndi munthu wina ndipo ali mwa inu, ndiye munthu woyamba amene mukufuna kulankhula naye mukakhala ndi tsiku loipa, kapena ngakhale tsiku labwino kwambiri. Ndiwo munthu woyamba amene mukufuna kutembenukirako kuti mutonthozedwe mukafuna kutsimikiziridwa pang'ono.

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Natalie, wazaka 26, yemwe ndi mkulu wa ntchito yothandiza anthu ku San Francisco, anati: “Ndimakumbukira kuti ndili pachibwenzi ndi mnyamata amene nthawi zonse ankandichepetsera mavuto, sindinkaganizira kwenikweni zimenezi koma posapita nthawi ndinazindikira kuti sindinkaona kuti n’koopsa kufotokoza nkhawa zanga ndi zinthu zimene zingandibweretsere mavuto kapena vuto lililonse limene ndinkafunikira.”

Wanu wofunikira nthawi zonse sizipezeka kwa inu mukawafuna - ndicho chimodzi mwazovuta kwambiri zaubwenzi. Koma chimodzi mwazizindikiro zazikulu za kukanidwa mu maubwenzi ndi chakuti munthu winayo sakhalapo pamene mukumufuna, kapena amakuchotsani pa nthawi yamavuto.

8. Nthawi zambiri safuna kukhala pachibwenzi

Ubwenzi wakuthupi ndi gawo lalikulu la ubale ndipo izi zimaphatikizapo kukhudza kosagonana. Tsopano kumene, ndi zotheka kuti iwo sali chabe mu PDA kapena iwo ndi wovuta ndi kukhudza thupi ambiri, mu nkhani iyi ndi chinachake kulemekeza ndi kukambirana pa nthawi ina.
Koma mudziwa ngati akukukanizani. Mwinamwake ali bwino pokhala akuthupi ndi achiwawa ndi abwenzi awo ndi kukumbatira anthu ena koma osakukhudzani kawirikawiri. Mwinamwake nthawi iliyonse mukapita kukagwira dzanja lawo, iwo amachokapo.

Kukanidwa mwakuthupi kungakhale kowawa kwambiri, choncho kumbukirani kuti sizikutanthauza kuti muwathamangitse, koma zikhoza kutanthauza kuti sakufuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi inu. Ndipo, ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kukanidwa mu ubale. Chilankhulo chachikondi chokhudza kukhudza thupi si aliyense, komabe, kotero pamene ichi chikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa mitundu ya kukana mu maubwenzi, ndi bwino kuti kukambirana za izo asanaganize kalikonse.

9. Amatseka pamene mukufuna kuyankhula

Kaya mukufuna kukambirana za m'tsogolo kapena kungolankhulana mogwira mtima, amasiya nthawi yomweyo. Mwinamwake mukuyesera kulankhula za maubwenzi awo akale kapena ubwana wawo, koma iwo sali okonzeka kugawana nawo.

Izi zitha kukhala kuchokera ku a kuopa kukanidwa mu maubwenzi ku mbali yawo, nawonso. Atha kuchita mantha kuti akamagawana zinthu zakale zomwe zimamveka ngati zosasangalatsa, mungawakane. Mwina akungofuna kupeŵa kuvulazidwa mwa kukukanani musanawakane, ngakhale kuti mulibe zolinga zoterozo.

Maubwenzi abwino amapangidwa pamene anthu amagawana nkhani zawo, zakale, ndi (mwachiyembekezo) kugawana masomphenya amtsogolo, monga munthu payekha komanso ngati banja. Choncho, ngati wanu kwambiri wina kukoka shutters maganizo awo pansi mphindi kukambirana kwambiri limakhala, kuti ndithudi ubale wofiira mbendera ndi mmodzi wa mitundu ya kukana mu ubale.

10. Mumamva kuti muli nokha ngakhale mutakhala pamodzi

Kodi mukumva osakwatiwa ngakhale mutakhala pachibwenzi? Mwakhala pafupi ndi mnzanu pabedi koma simunamvepo nokha? Ubale wabwino umafunika kukhala paubwenzi wapamtima womwe umadziwa kuti ndinu okondana.

Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mudzakhala pamodzi kwamuyaya popeza tsogolo silidzakhala lodziwika bwino, koma payenera kukhala kugwirizana kwamaganizo ndi maganizo komwe kumakupangitsani kuti mukhale otetezeka komanso olumikizidwa kwa iwo ngakhale pamene simuli pamodzi, osati kukupangitsani inu kumverera kumapeto kwa kulandira zizindikiro za kukanidwa mu chiyanjano.

Ngati mukumva kusungulumwa mu ubale wanu, wokanidwa, ndi womvetsa chisoni ngakhale mutakhala pamodzi, pali vuto muubwenzi wanu lomwe muyenera kuthetsa. Nthawi zina, mitundu ya kukanidwa pachibwenzi imatha kumveka ngakhale palibe chomwe chanenedwa, ndipo nthawi zambiri, ndiwo malingaliro omwe amafunikira kuyang'aniridwa mozama.

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Ndiye mumatani mutadziwa kuti mnzanu wakukanidwa? Palibe chifukwa chokhala muubwenzi wambali imodzi kapena kumangokhalira kukanidwa ndi munthu wina. Yakwana nthawi yoti mupezenso mojo wanu ndikuchitapo kanthu. Nazi zina zomwe Pooja amalimbikitsa kuti apirire kukanidwa:

1. Zindikirani mmene mukumvera

Tchulani zakukhosi kwanu ndikuzivomereza. Ziribe kanthu zomwe mukumva - mkwiyo, kupwetekedwa mtima, kukhumudwa, chisoni, kutaya, chisoni, kapena kutengeka zambiri - aloleni iwo asambe pa inu ndi kuwamva onse. Osayesa kupondereza chilichonse, muyenera kumva kuti muchiritse.

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2. Ganizirani kukanidwa ngati mwayi

Kukanidwa, ngakhale chokumana nacho chowawa, nthawi zonse chingakhale njira yochitira bwino, kukhala bwinoko. Ganizirani izi ngati kubweza kwakanthawi komwe mungaphunzire kukhala munthu wamphamvu, wodzidalira yemwe amadziwa zomwe akufuna ndipo sangagonje. Kapena, mwina mumaphunzira kukhala ndi zovuta, kukambirana mwakuya ndi mnzanu ndi kuwapangitsa kuwona kuti akukupwetekani ndikupeza njira yopangira zinthu bwino. Mulimonsemo, kukana kungakhale phunziro lalikulu.

3. Dzichitireni chifundo

Mukudziwa kuti timatikonda zodzikonda kuno ku Bono. Monga tanenera, kukanidwa kumapweteka ndipo kungayambitse kudziona kuti ndine wosafunika m’mabwenzi. Kukanidwa sikukutanthawuza mwanjira iliyonse, kotero khalani okoma mtima kwa inu nokha. Dzichitireni nokha zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani, kumbukirani kuti ndinu munthu wochuluka kuposa munthu amene wakanidwa.

4. Osadzitengera nokha

“Si inuyo, ndi ine” zingakhale zoona nthawi zina. Kumbukirani kuti ndi bwino kukanidwa koyambirira kusiyana ndi kukhala ndi munthu amene simunakhale naye kuyanjana kwa ubale. Kumbukirani, sikuti ndinu osakwanira monga munthu kapena ngati mnzanu, mwina simuli munthu woyenera kwa iwo. Kapena mwinamwake iwo sali pa malo m'miyoyo yawo kumene iwo ali okonzeka kuvomereza inu ndi chikondi chanu.

Kukanidwa m'maubwenzi kumakhala ngati vuto lamalingaliro, ndipo ndizabwinobwino ngati zomwe mumachita koyamba ndikukalipira wokondedwa wanu kapena kutaya mtima. Koma n’kwanzeru kukumbukira kuti zochita zawo zikhoza kubwera chifukwa cha mantha awo ndi kusadzidalira kwawo, komanso kuti kukanidwa kwawo sikungakhale kokhudzana ndi mmene inu mulili monga munthu.

Ndizovuta kukana mumayendedwe anu, mosasamala kanthu kuti ndinu munthu wodalirika bwanji. Tonse timafuna kumva kuti timafunidwa ndi kukondedwa komanso kukondedwa. Koma mukawona ndikuvomereza zizindikiro za kukanidwa, mudzakhala ndi lingaliro labwino la momwe mungapiririre ndipo mwachiyembekezo, mudzatha kutero mwaulemu ndi mokoma mtima, kwa inu nokha ndi mnzanu, ngakhale zikutanthawuza. kuthetsa ubale wapoizoni.

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