Zizindikiro 10 Zakukanidwa Mu Ubale Ndi Zoyenera Kuchita

Mutha kuganiza kuti mukakhala pachibwenzi, mutha kusiya kuda nkhawa kuti akukanidwa. Palibe mwayi wotero. Kukanidwa kungayambitse mutu wake wonyansa mu maubwenzi apamtima ndipo zizindikiro za kukanidwa mu chiyanjano zimakhala zambiri. Sizofanana ndi kukhala ndi mzimu ndi machesi a Tinder, koma zimapweteka, mwinanso zochulukirapo.

Kumverera kukanidwa ndi mnzanu, kaya nonse mwafotokozera ubale wanu, kungakhale kowawa komanso kosokoneza. Zizindikiro zakukanidwa pachibwenzi nthawi zina zimakhala zosamveka komanso zosagwirizana, ndikukusiyani mukudabwa kuti zikutanthauza chiyani, ngati akutumiza zizindikiro zosakanikirana, komanso zomwe zikutanthauza kuti ubale wanu. Komanso, kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani padziko lapansi chikondi kapena kukonda kukazizira mwadzidzidzi?

Padzakhala mafunso ochuluka m'maganizo mwanu, ndipo ngakhale tikukutsimikizirani kuti mayankhowo sangakhale osangalatsa kapena zomwe mukufuna kumva, ndikwabwino kumveketsa bwino ubale wanu kusiyana ndi kukhala movutikira.

Tinalankhula ndi mphunzitsi wa thanzi la maganizo ndi kusamala Pooja Priyamvada (wovomerezedwa mu Psychological and Mental Health First Aid kuchokera ku Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ndi University of Sydney), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa zibwenzi zakunja kwa ukwati, kutha kwa banja, kupatukana, chisoni, ndi kutayika, kungotchulapo zochepa chabe. Iye anafotokoza zizindikiro zina za kukanidwa muubwenzi, ndi momwe mungathanirane nazo popanda kutaya mtima.

Zomwe Zimayambitsa Kukanidwa M'maubwenzi

Zizindikiro za kukanidwa muubwenzi zingakhalenso zizindikiro za kuchepa kwa ubale. Koma, nchiyani chomwe chayambitsa kukana kumeneku? Nchiyani chimapangitsa kuti anthu ayambe kukana okondedwa awo?

“Kukanidwa kungakhale chifukwa cha zifukwa zambiri,” akutero Pooja . “Anthu ena amaopa kudzipereka kapena kukhazikitsa ubale chifukwa amaona kuti ufulu wawo ungachepe. Ambiri amakhala ndi nkhawa yokhudza maubwenzi kapena chikondi ndipo zimenezo zimapangitsanso kukanidwa.”

Nkhawa muubwenzi ndi yeniyeni ndipo mantha a kukanidwa muubwenzi angachokere ku kuvutika maganizo kapena mbiri ya nkhanza. Kumbali ina, kuopa kudzipereka kungasonyeze kukanidwa mumtima, kuopa kusintha kwa miyoyo yawo komwe sakufuna kuthana nako. Izi zimapangitsa kuti akhale ndi ubale wa mbali imodzi , kumva kusungulumwa kwambiri, komanso kusatetezeka muubwenzi.

Ndikofunikira kuyesa ndikuzindikira zifukwa zokanira kuti mudziwe ngati zimachokera ku mantha ndikusowa chilimbikitso, kapena ngati mukungochita ndi munthu amene sasamala za zosowa zanu, momwemo muyenera kuchoka pa ubale umenewo.

Zizindikiro Zapamwamba za 10 Mukukanidwa Ndi SO Yanu

Zizindikiro zakukanidwa pachibwenzi zimakhala zosiyanasiyana ndipo zimatha kukhala zobisika. Dziwani, musagwere m'dzenje poganiza kuti mnzanu akukukanani nthawi iliyonse yomwe ali kunja ndi abwenzi kapena akugwira ntchito mochedwa. Nazi zizindikiro zenizeni zosonyeza kuti mukukanidwa ndi okondedwa anu:

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1. Nthawi zonse amakhala otanganidwa

Pooja anati: “Mnzanuyo ali ndi ufulu wokhala ndi nthawi yakeyake komanso moyo wake wosiyana koma akufunikanso kupeza nthawi yocheza nanu komanso pachibwenzi.” Ngati mnzanuyo amakhala wotanganidwa nthawi zonse ndipo alibe nthawi yocheza nanu, ndiye kuti akukanani.

Pali mzere wochepa pakati pa kuonetsetsa kuti anthu onse omwe ali pachibwenzi ali ndi moyo wabwino komanso wathanzi komanso kukhalapo wina ndi mnzake mwa kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi ndi khama muubwenziwo. Mawu omwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito kwambiri akuti 'kulinganiza ntchito ndi moyo' amatanthauzanso kuyang'ana kwambiri zinthu zomwe sizikupangitsani kukhala 'otanganidwa'. Kusamala muubwenzi wapamtima nthawi zonse ndikofunikira.

Pamapeto pake, ndi kusankha kusakhala mbali ya maubwenzi ambali imodzi komanso kukanidwa kwamalingaliro. Ndipo, ndikusankhanso kusakhala munthu yemwe khalidwe lake limayambitsa zizindikiro zokanidwa pachibwenzi. Mukuyenera kukhala ndi munthu yemwe amakuwonetsani pomwe mukumufuna ndipo amakuikani patsogolo nthawi zambiri.

Inde, mmodzi kapena nonse awiri mudzakhala otanganidwa ndi ntchito, banja, ndi maudindo ena kunja kwa ubale wanu nthawi ndi nthawi. Koma zonse ndi za ubale wolinganizika ndipo palibe ubale womwe ungayende bwino popanda khama kuchokera mbali zonse ziwiri.

2. Sayankha kuyitanidwa kapena kutumizirana mameseji

Ululu wa kusamba ndi mizimu, akangosowa ndikukana kulankhulana mwanjira iliyonse. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino za kukana muubwenzi. Kumva ngati mnzako wakana mwanjira imeneyi mwina ndi chimodzi mwa zoyipa kwambiri chifukwa kulankhulana paubwenzi ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti ubale ukhalebe wolimba, ndipo kusamba ndi mizimu kumathetsa ubalewo kwathunthu.

"Mayankho awo ku mameseji amachedwa ndipo nthawi zambiri amangotenga mafoni anu. Kuyankhulana kwa tsiku ndi tsiku ndikofunikira muubwenzi - ndi momwe mumasinthirana pazinthu zazing'ono (ndi zazikulu) zomwe zikuchitika m'moyo wanu. Ngati sakuyankha nthawi zambiri, ndicho chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kuchepa kwa ubale, "Pooja akuti.

Tsopano, tisaganize kuti mawu osiyidwa pa 'kuwerenga' pang'ono amangowonetsa zizindikiro zakukanidwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe mukumuwona. Koma ngati zichitika nthawi zonse ndipo mukuyenera kuvutika kuti mupange kulumikizana kwamtundu uliwonse ndi iwo, muyenera kuwadziwitsa kuti sizili bwino, ndikuzindikira ngati uwu ndi ubale womwe mukufuna kukhala nawo.

3. Nthawi zambiri amabwereza kunena kuti sali okonzeka kudzipereka

Zabwino zodzipereka zakale-phobes! Kodi kukambirana za ubale kukanakhala kuti popanda iwo! Dziwani, wina kunena kuti sanakonzekere kudzipereka sikungatanthauze kuti sadzakhalapo. Koma zikutanthauza kuti ali pa nthawi yosiyana muubwenzi komanso m'miyoyo yawo, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti akukana zomwe mukufuna muubwenzi.

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"Kunena mobwerezabwereza za momwe sali okonzeka kudzipereka kungatanthauze kuti mnzawo wayamba kale kukana ndikuyang'ana zifukwa zokanira," Pooja akuchenjeza.

Izi zangochitika ndi Marina, wopanga mapulogalamu wazaka 30 waku Delaware. Iye anati: “Ndinkaona munthu kwa miyezi yoposa eyiti.

Poganizira zizindikiro za kukanidwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi, mantha odzipatulira ndi chinthu choyenera kusamala nacho. Mantha odzipatulira angachokere ku mantha oti angakanidwenso m'maubwenzi, kotero ngati mumawakonda kwambiri, mungafune kufufuza mozama za mantha awo odzipatulira. Ngati sichoncho, ndi nthawi yoti mupitirire patsogolo ndikuwona izi ngati zizindikiro zonse za kukanidwa muubwenzi.

4. Akuona anthu ena

Tamverani, tonsefe tikufuna maubwenzi otseguka komanso polyamory, koma izi zikutanthauza kuti onse omwe ali muubwenziwo avomerezana kuti zinthu zili bwanji pankhani ya kuona mtima ndi kukhulupirika. Ngati simukufuna kuonana ndi anthu ena, koma mnzanuyo ndi amene ali, ndiko kukana malamulo anu paubwenziwo.

“Ngati akukusungani momasuka, mwina muli pamalo omwe angakukanireni kwambiri,” akutero Pooja. Ngakhale atakhala oona mtima pankhani yoona anthu ena osakubisalirani, zoona zake n’zakuti amaganiza kuti uwu ndi ubale wamba kapena mabwenzi omwe ali ndi ubwino . Apanso, palibe cholakwika ndi zimenezo, pokhapokha ngati mukufuna zinthu zosiyana zomwe zingakupwetekeni. Mitundu ya kukanidwa muubwenzi imaphatikizapo kusakhala ndi maganizo ofanana okhudza mtundu wa ubale womwe mukufuna. Ndipo, simuyenera kuvomereza zimenezo.

5. Sapanga mapulani enieni ndi inu

"Ngati nthawi zambiri mumakhala dongosolo lawo losunga zobwezeretsera osati pulani yayikulu, izi zikutanthauza kuti simuli patsogolo pawo," akutero Pooja. Kukanidwa mu maubwenzi nthawi zambiri kumawoneka ngati kusamveka kokhumudwitsa popanga mapulani, kapena kungothamangitsidwa nthawi zonse.

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Andie, wazaka 33, wopanga ma podikasiti anati: “Ndinkaona munthu kwa miyezi ingapo, ndipo zinkaoneka ngati zikupita kwinakwake.”

Zizindikiro za kukanidwa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi zimakhala zowawa pamene mmodzi wa inu akuyesera kulimbitsa ubale ndipo wina amangokana kupanga mapulani, kukuwonani nthawi zonse, ndi zina zotero. Kotero, ngati nthawi iliyonse mukukonzekera mini-yopuma kapena tsiku, iwo akuimirira inu kapena kukuuzani iwo ali otanganidwa, pitirizani.

6. Simunakumanepo ndi achibale kapena anzanu apamtima

Osati kuti mukuyenera kukumana ndi achibale awo onse nthawi imodzi (kwenikweni, mwinamwake mungathe kupewa zimenezo kwamuyaya!), Koma ubale wapamtima weniweni ndi wofuna kudziwana ndi munthu winayo, ndipo gawo lina ndilo kufika kwa anthu omwe ali nawo pafupi ndi omwe adawadziwa nthawi yaitali.

Ngati palibe chomwe chanenedwa chokhudza kukudziwitsani kuti mukacheze ndi anzawo kapena ngati kutchulidwa kuti mwakumana ndi amayi awo kumawapangitsa kukhala ndi nkhawa, chimenecho ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kukanidwa muubwenzi. Ngakhale zitakhala zoti mukambirane ndi mnzanu za banja lomwe silikuyenda bwino , kukambirana za ubale wapamtima ndi nkhaniyo ndi njira yabwino.

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa mitundu yokanidwa yomwe muyenera kuyang'ana ngati mwawadziwitsa kwa anzanu komanso kulankhula nawo kwa banja lanu. Izi zimangowonetsa kuti muli m'malo osiyanasiyana muubwenzi ndipo mukuyembekezera zosiyana, zomwe sizimatha bwino.

7. Iwo si anthu oyamba amene mungawaitane kuti akulimbikitseni

Ayi, izi sizili zofanana ndi kukhala bwenzi loumirira kapena chibwenzi. Mukakhala ndi munthu wina ndipo ali mwa inu, ndiye munthu woyamba amene mukufuna kulankhula naye mukakhala ndi tsiku loipa, kapena ngakhale tsiku labwino kwambiri. Ndiwo munthu woyamba amene mukufuna kutembenukirako kuti mutonthozedwe mukafuna kutsimikiziridwa pang'ono.

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Natalie, wazaka 26, yemwe ndi mkulu wa ntchito yothandiza anthu ku San Francisco, anati: “Ndimakumbukira kuti ndili pachibwenzi ndi mnyamata amene nthawi zonse ankandichepetsera mavuto, sindinkaganizira kwenikweni zimenezi koma posapita nthawi ndinazindikira kuti sindinkaona kuti n’koopsa kufotokoza nkhawa zanga ndi zinthu zimene zingandibweretsere mavuto kapena vuto lililonse limene ndinkafunikira.”

Wanu wofunikira nthawi zonse sizipezeka kwa inu mukawafuna - ndicho chimodzi mwazovuta kwambiri zaubwenzi. Koma chimodzi mwazizindikiro zazikulu za kukanidwa mu maubwenzi ndi chakuti munthu winayo sakhalapo pamene mukumufuna, kapena amakuchotsani pa nthawi yamavuto.

8. Nthawi zambiri safuna kukhala pachibwenzi

Ubwenzi wakuthupi ndi gawo lalikulu la ubale ndipo izi zimaphatikizapo kukhudza kosagonana. Tsopano kumene, ndi zotheka kuti iwo sali chabe mu PDA kapena iwo ndi wovuta ndi kukhudza thupi ambiri, mu nkhani iyi ndi chinachake kulemekeza ndi kukambirana pa nthawi ina.
Koma mudziwa ngati akukukanizani. Mwinamwake ali bwino pokhala akuthupi ndi achiwawa ndi abwenzi awo ndi kukumbatira anthu ena koma osakukhudzani kawirikawiri. Mwinamwake nthawi iliyonse mukapita kukagwira dzanja lawo, iwo amachokapo.

Kukanidwa mwakuthupi kungakhale kopweteka kwambiri, choncho kumbukirani kuti sizikutanthauza kuti mumawakana, koma zingatanthauze kuti sakufuna kukhala nanu pachibwenzi. Ndipo, ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kukanidwa muubwenzi. Komabe, chilankhulo cha chikondi chokhudza thupi sichili cha aliyense, kotero ngakhale ichi chingakhale chimodzi mwa mitundu ya kukanidwa muubwenzi, ndikofunikira kukambirana za icho musanaganize chilichonse.

9. Amatseka pamene mukufuna kuyankhula

Kaya mukufuna kukambirana za m'tsogolo kapena kungolankhulana mogwira mtima, amasiya nthawi yomweyo. Mwinamwake mukuyesera kulankhula za maubwenzi awo akale kapena ubwana wawo, koma iwo sali okonzeka kugawana nawo.

Izi zingachokere ku mantha akuti adzakanidwa m'maubwenzi awo. Angaope kuti ngati akugawana zinthu zakale zomwe zikumveka zosasangalatsa, inu mudzawakana. Mwina akungofuna kupewa kukhumudwa pokukanani musanawakane, ngakhale kuti mulibe mapulani oterowo.

Maubwenzi abwino amapangidwa pamene anthu amagawana nkhani zawo, zakale, ndi (mwachiyembekezo) kugawana masomphenya amtsogolo, monga munthu payekha komanso ngati banja. Choncho, ngati wanu kwambiri wina kukoka shutters maganizo awo pansi mphindi kukambirana kwambiri limakhala, kuti ndithudi ubale wofiira mbendera ndi mmodzi wa mitundu ya kukana mu ubale.

10. Mumamva kuti muli nokha ngakhale mutakhala pamodzi

Kodi mumadzimva ngati ndinu osakwatiwa ngakhale muli pachibwenzi ? Mukukhala pafupi ndi mnzanu pa sofa koma simunamvepo kuti ndinu nokha? Ubale wabwino umafunika kuti mukhale paubwenzi wabwino kwambiri womwe umadziwa kuti ndinu ogwirizana.

Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mudzakhala pamodzi kwamuyaya popeza tsogolo silidzakhala lodziwika bwino, koma payenera kukhala kugwirizana kwamaganizo ndi maganizo komwe kumakupangitsani kuti mukhale otetezeka komanso olumikizidwa kwa iwo ngakhale pamene simuli pamodzi, osati kukupangitsani inu kumverera kumapeto kwa kulandira zizindikiro za kukanidwa mu chiyanjano.

Ngati mukumva kusungulumwa muubwenzi wanu , kukanidwa, komanso chisoni ngakhale muli limodzi, pali kusiyana muubwenzi wanu komwe muyenera kuthana nako. Nthawi zina, mitundu ya kukanidwa muubwenzi imatha kumveka ngakhale palibe chomwe chanenedwa, ndipo nthawi zambiri, amenewo ndi malingaliro omwe amafunika kuyang'aniridwa mozama.

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Ndiye mumatani mutadziwa kuti mnzanu wakukanidwa? Palibe chifukwa chokhala muubwenzi wambali imodzi kapena kumangokhalira kukanidwa ndi munthu wina. Yakwana nthawi yoti mupezenso mojo wanu ndikuchitapo kanthu. Nazi zina zomwe Pooja amalimbikitsa kuti apirire kukanidwa:

1. Zindikirani mmene mukumvera

Tchulani zakukhosi kwanu ndikuzivomereza. Ziribe kanthu zomwe mukumva - mkwiyo, kupwetekedwa mtima, kukhumudwa, chisoni, kutaya, chisoni, kapena kutengeka zambiri - aloleni iwo asambe pa inu ndi kuwamva onse. Osayesa kupondereza chilichonse, muyenera kumva kuti muchiritse.

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2. Ganizirani kukanidwa ngati mwayi

Ngakhale kuti kukanidwa ndi chinthu chopweteka, nthawi zonse kungakhale njira yochitira bwino, kukhala bwino. Ganizirani izi ngati kubwerera m'mbuyo kwakanthawi komwe mudzaphunzira kukhala munthu wamphamvu, wodzidalira kwambiri amene amadziwa zomwe akufuna ndipo sadzagonja. Kapena, mwina mungaphunzire kukambirana mozama ndi mnzanuyo ndikuwapangitsa kuona kuti akukupwetekani ndikupeza njira yoti zinthu ziyende bwino. Mulimonsemo, kukanidwa kungakhale phunziro lalikulu.

3. Dzichitireni chifundo

Mukudziwa kuti timadzikonda tokha kuno ku Bono. Monga tanenera, kukanidwa kumapweteka ndipo kungayambitse kudziona ngati wosafunika m'maubwenzi . Kukanidwa sikukutanthauza kuti ndinu munthu weniweni, choncho khalani okoma mtima kwa inu nokha. Chitani zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani, kumbukirani kuti ndinu munthu wofunika kwambiri kuposa munthu amene wakanidwa.

4. Osadzitengera nokha

"Si iwe, ndi ine" nthawi zina zingakhale zoona. Kumbukirani, ndi bwino kukanidwa pachiyambi kusiyana ndi kukhala ndi munthu amene simukugwirizana naye paubwenzi . Kumbukirani, sikuti simuli wokwanira monga munthu kapena ngati mnzanu, mwina simuli munthu woyenera kwa iwo. Kapena mwina sali pamalo omwe ali okonzeka kulandira inu ndi chikondi chanu.

Kukanidwa m'maubwenzi kumakhala ngati vuto lamalingaliro, ndipo ndizabwinobwino ngati zomwe mumachita koyamba ndikukalipira wokondedwa wanu kapena kutaya mtima. Koma n’kwanzeru kukumbukira kuti zochita zawo zikhoza kubwera chifukwa cha mantha awo ndi kusadzidalira kwawo, komanso kuti kukanidwa kwawo sikungakhale kokhudzana ndi mmene inu mulili monga munthu.

N'zovuta kupirira kukanidwa, ngakhale munthu amene muli naye chidaliro chotani. Tonsefe timafuna kumva kuti ndife ofunika, okondedwa komanso okondedwa, pambuyo pake. Koma mukangoona ndi kuzindikira zizindikiro za kukanidwa, mudzakhala ndi lingaliro labwino la momwe mungachitire ndipo mwachiyembekezo, mudzatha kuchita zimenezo mwaulemu komanso mokoma mtima, kwa inu nokha ndi mnzanu, ngakhale zitatanthauza kuthetsa chibwenzi choopsa.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.