9 Emotional Effects Of Stonewalling Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Wonke umbhangqwana udlula endaweni enzima ebudlelwaneni babo. Kodwa-ke, lapho omunye wozakwethu evalela omunye ngaphandle, kungaba nomthelela omkhulu ekuphileni isikhathi eside kobudlelwano. Imiphumela engokomzwelo yokushayelwa ngamatshe ingaba nkulu. Nokho, abantu ngokuvamile abaqapheli ukuthi bakhandwa ngamatshe. Kulesi sihloko, sihlola ukuthi kuyini ukuziphatha kwe-stonewalling kanye nemiphumela yako ebuhlotsheni ngosizo lwe Shazia Saleem (Iziqu ze-Psychology), ogxile ekuhlukaniseni nasekululekeni ngokwezehlukaniso.

Stonewalling Ebudlelwaneni

Lapho izinto ziba zimbi ebudlelwaneni, indlela enempilo kungaba ukubhekana nezinkinga ezikhona kanye nokuthola indlela yokubhekana nazo. Le ndlela futhi ihlanganisa ukuvuma kanye nokukhuluma imizwa eminingi engakhululekile. Kungakho abanye abantu besabela ezimeni ezicindezelayo ngokuba yiqhwa futhi bamise umgoqo phakathi kwabo nenkinga ezayo, noma ngabe bayazi noma benganakile. I-Stonewalling igama lalolu hlobo lokusabela. 

Ngamagama alula, umuntu wenza udonga oluyisingathekiso phakathi kwakhe nenkinga noma umuntu anomuzwa wokuthi nguye obangela inkinga. Kunzima ukuxazulula inkinga uma umlingani enqaba ukulalela. Kufana nokukhuluma nodonga. Ukuxhumana kuyisimiso esiyisisekelo sobudlelwano obunempilo futhi lapho lokho kuma, imiphumela engokomzwelo yokuwa ngamatshe iqala ukuvela. Ukuchaza lo mqondo kangcono nazi izibonelo ezimbalwa ezizokusiza uqonde uma wena noma isithandwa sakho nigencana ngamatshe ebuhlotsheni: 

• Imicabango nokuziphatha okungenangqondo
• Ukwenqaba ukuphendula noma imiphi imibuzo
• Ukuchezuka kanye ne-scapegoating
• Ukwenza umatasa noma ukudlulela komunye umsebenzi ngokushesha
• Ukuzama ukunciphisa ukukhathazeka kwakho
• Ukudonsa amehlo nokuklolodela
• Ulimi lomzimba olunolaka.
• Ukuxhumana ngokuzivikela

Lezi izibonelo ezimbalwa zokuhlanganisa amatshe okungenzeka awuzange uzikhethe ebudlelwaneni bakho. Lokhu kungakwazi ukuqaphela i-stonewalling kuwumkhuba wokuzigxeka noma ukugxeka esikhundleni sokubona ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho eyekile ukusabela kuwe noma ngenkinga. Lokhu ngokusobala kungadala ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo nokushuba.

9 Emotional Effects Of Stonewalling Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Ubudlelwano bungase bubone imiphumela engokomzwelo ye-stonewalling uma kuqhubeka isikhathi eside. Ngenxa yokuthi ukukhanda ngamatshe kwenza kube nzima ngombhangqwana ukubhekana nezinkinga zabo, kungase kuholele ekuxabaneni okuncane okungalawuleki. Lapho ubhekene nakho, i-psychology yokuguqula amatshe ngokuvamile ingase iholele abantu endaweni yokuphelelwa ithemba, ibenze basho noma benze noma yini ukuze baphule iphethini yokuvalelwa ngaphandle.

Ukukhungatheka okukhulu uzakwethu onamatshe angase abe nakho kungase kubangele ukungezwani okungathi sína kunodaba lwasekuqaleni oluthethelelekayo. Ngenxa yalokho, ukukhanda ngamatshe akubangeli izinkinga kuphela kodwa kuhlanganisa nezinkinga ezikhona phakathi kombhangqwana. Okusenhliziyweni yakho konke yilena miphumela eyi-9 yemizwa yokuqothuka ngamatshe enamandla okubhidliza ubudlelwano bakho: 

1. I-stonewalling ingakushiya uzizwe unesizungu 

Phakathi ku ubudlelwano bothando obunempilo, umbhangqwana kumelwe uzizwe uxhumene. Nokho, omunye wemiphumela engokomzwelo yokushayelwa ngamatshe umuzwa wokuhlukaniswa. Njengoba omunye umlingani enqaba ukuboleka indlebe futhi axazulule izinkinga, omunye umlingani angazizwa enesizungu ngisho nalapho esebudlelwaneni. 

I-Stonewalling ikwenza uzizwe ungabonakali phambi komlingani wakho futhi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni. Udonga oluyisingathekiso olwakhiwe phakathi kwabashadikazi lubadudula baqhelelane esikhundleni sokubasondeza. Kulokhu, ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kuqala ukuwohloka. 

Shazia uthi, "Umuzwa wokuzihlukanisa ebudlelwaneni awunempilo uma umuntu ezizwa eyedwa, eshiywe dengwane, noma ekhishwa inyumbazane. Angase angaziphathi njengaye futhi kuzophazamisa inhlalakahle yabo engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo. Bangase badumale, baphazamiseke, futhi baphazamiseke futhi ngeke bakwazi ukuthola ukuthi benzeni. Ukudubula ngamatshe kungase kubangele ukudideka okukhulu ngenxa yokuthi akekho umuntu ozizwa eyedwa.

2. Ukushaywa ngamatshe kungakwenza uthukuthele ngaso sonke isikhathi

Kubaluleke kakhulu ukulalelwa noma ukuvunyelwa lapho utshela othandekayo okuthile. Bonke ubudlelwano bunezinkinga kodwa uma omunye umaqondana enqaba ukuxazulula inkinga bese evumela ukuthi kushise isisekelo sobudlelwano, kungahlahla indlela yentukuthelo. 

Intukuthelo ayibhekisiwe nje kumlingani ojikijela amatshe kodwa nakuyena ngokuvumela omunye umuntu ukuba amphathe ngendlela. Umuntu ojikijelwa ngamatshe angazizwa engakufanelekele ukuthandwa futhi ngenxa yalokho azizwe ethukuthele njalo. Imiphumela yokujikijelwa ngamatshe esiba nayo kumuntu oyisisulu mibi kakhulu kunakumuntu okhanda ngamatshe, kodwa ekugcineni, ibhidliza ubuhlobo abantu ababili abakhe ndawonye kuze kube yilapho umuntu oyedwa eyeka ukwenza ingxenye yakhe yomsebenzi onzima.

3. Ukuthuthukisa ukucasuka

Omunye umphumela ongokomzwelo we-stonewalling uhamba kancane kodwa ukunqwabelana okungaguquki kokucasuka ebudlelwaneni. Phambi kwakho kukhona umuntu, owake wamthanda ngaphandle kwemibandela futhi naye owathi unaleyo mizwa. Kodwa-ke, manje lowo mlingani ofanayo ukushiye wedwa futhi ulahle imicabango yakho, imizwelo yakho, nemibono yakho.

Kujwayeleke kakhulu ukuthi uqale ukuzonda umlingani wakho kodwa ungazi ukuthi wenzeni ngakho. U-Shazia uthi, "Kubonakala kuyinhlekelele ebudlelwaneni obuningi. Ukukhwabanisa ngamatshe kungesinye sezizathu ezivamile zesehlukaniso nokuhlukana njengoba umuzwa wokucasuka uqala ukukhula. Abaningi babalingani bazama ukuziphindiselela njengoba bengakwazi ukulawula imizwa yabo futhi izinto ziqala ukuba zimbi kakhulu." 

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4. Ukuzethemba okuphansi kungase kube umphumela wokwakhiwa kwamatshe

Lapho simemezela uthando lwethu ngomuntu, sibathulula imiphefumulo yethu futhi sithulule okuhlukahlukene okuyimfihlo ezinhliziyweni zethu okungekho muntu owake wakuzwa noma wakubona. Kunomqondo ongabonakali wokuziqhenya ngokwazi ukuthi othile uyakuthanda futhi kukhulisa ukuzethemba. Nokho, lapho umuntu ofanayo eqala ukwenza ngokunganaki, enqaba ukukhuluma, noma okubi nakakhulu, kukunikeza umuzwa wokuthi ufanelwe ukukhandwa ngamatshe njengohlobo oluthile lwesijeziso, kungalimaza ukuzethemba kwakho. Ukugenca ngamatshe ngamabomu noma okungahlosiwe kungaqeda ukuzethemba komuntu ekugcineni, okungaba imbangela yezinkinga ezinkulu esikhathini esizayo. 

“Umuntu okhandwa ngamatshe uyathuthuka ukuzenyeza kanye nokuzihlonipha. Izinto ziyawohloka futhi ngenxa yokuthi sebelahlekelwe ukuzethemba nokuzethemba, ngeke babe sesimweni sokusingatha noma ukuphatha lesi simo ngendlela efanele. Kungase futhi kubenze bazizwe bengakufanelekele ukuthandwa noma baphatheke kabi, imicabango ethi 'kungani mina' iqala ukungena bese belahlekelwa ukucaca ngabo,” kuchaza uShazia.

5. Ukuncipha kokusondelana

Omunye umphumela ongokomzwelo we-stonewalling ukuncipha kokusondelana phakathi kombhangqwana. I-chemistry eyake yavutha amalangabi othando yayizoqala ukubonakala ibuthuntu, ingekho nhlobo. 

Lokhu kungadala igebe elikhula njalo ebudlelwaneni. Kungakho, ngaphandle kokuqonda ukuthi kungani uvalelwa ngaphandle, kufanele uphendule omunye umbuzo obalulekile: Yini okufanele uyenze uma umlingani wakho ekubhula ngamatshe? Bazise ukuthi ngeke balindele ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba ebudlelwaneni uma beqhubeka nokuziphatha kwabo. Kwesinye isikhathi, ukuntula ukusondelana kungavusa umlingani futhi kumphoqe ukuthi avule amehlo futhi amukele amaqiniso obudlelwano babo.

6. Ukwakhiwa ngamatshe kuholela ezindabeni zokwethembana

Uma othile ebuza ukuthi, “Kuyini ukuziphatha kwe-stonewalling?”, umuzwa wami wokuqala ukuphendula, “Ukuqedwa okuphelele nokuphelele kokuthembana”. Cabanga ngalokhu ngale ndlela: Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo sobuhlobo. Uma ungakwazi ukumethemba umuntu, awukwazi ukuba naye. Ngakho-ke lapho umlingani ezitika ngokwakha amatshe, ngisho noma kuwukukhanda ngamatshe ngokungenhloso, abashiyi indawo yokuba omunye umlingani abonise ukumethemba kwakhe. Kungomunye wemiphumela emikhulu yokwakhiwa kwamatshe ebudlelwaneni.

“Njengoba umuntu oyedwa ezizwa enganakwa noma elahliwe, baqale bazisole bese kancane kancane kuholela ezindabeni zokuthembela. Kuzoba nzima kakhulu kumuntu ojikijelwa ngamatshe ukuthi athembele kulobu budlelwano njengoba esevele edidekile, exakwa, futhi esekhathele. Kwengeza ebuhlotsheni obunezinkinga. Ukwethembana kuyisici esibaluleke kakhulu sanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo, futhi uma lokho kulahleka, kuba nzima kakhulu ukuphinde ubuye. Ubudlelwano kumele kusetshenzwe njalo kubhekwe ukuthi abantu ababili baphathana kanjani,” kuchaza uShazia.

7. Dala umuzwa wokudideka 

I-Stonewalling ingaba ithuluzi lokubhekana nesimo kanye nendlela yokuhlehla 'egobolondweni' lesimo somuntu. Lesi sikhala singase sinikeze umuntu indawo yokuhlala edingeka kakhulu yangaphakathi (futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngaphandle) njengoba ebhekana nezinkinga ezingokomzwelo. Bakhetha 'ukunyamalala' ngokomzwelo lapho bengakwazi ukuveza noma ukucubungula imizwa yabo.

Nokho, lokhu kubalekela kungase kubangele ukudideka ebudlelwaneni. Kungashiya omunye umlingani ecabanga, “Ingabe akasangithandi na?” “Sizohlukana?” Kodwa lapho umlingani engahlukani ngisho nokuhlukana kodwa elokhu ekhanda ngamatshe, ukudideka kungase kube omunye wemiphumela yokugeqa amatshe kulowo ohlukunyeziwe. 

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8. Ukwakha amatshe kungaqeda ubuhlobo

Noma ukuziqhelelanisa nawe ngokujikijela umlingani wakho ngamatshe kungase kulethe impumuzo yesikhashana, ekugcineni kungaholela ekugcineni ubudlelwano. Akekho ongalindeleka ukuba abekezelele ukuziphatha futhi akuvumele ukuba kuphazamise injabulo yakhe. 

Kwesinye isikhathi, ukukhanda ngamatshe ungahlosile akukwenzi uqaphele ukuthi kumthinta kanjani umlingani wakho. Ulokhu ucabanga ukuthi ngenxa yokuthi ugweme ingxabano eyodwa noma ubalekele ukulwa okukodwa, ungayiziba amafulegi abomvu ebuhlotsheni bakho, okuxakayo ukuthi zitshalwa nguwe. Imiphumela engokomzwelo ye-stonewalling ingaba namandla futhi iholele ekutheni umlingani aqede ubuhlobo bakhe nawe.

9. Kungaphazamisa impilo yakho engokwengqondo nengokomzimba

I-Stonewalling psychology ingashiya umthelela ohlala njalo empilweni yakho yengqondo neyomzimba. Umuntu ojikijelwa ngamatshe angase agcine ezithole elunguza ekugcineni okuwumngcingo kokungatholakali ngokomzwelo kuyilapho umuntu oxutshwa ngamatshe elwa nempilo engeyinhle ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba.

Imiphumela engokomzwelo ye-stonewalling ingaphenduka ibe ezinye izifo ze-psychosomatic. UShazia uthi, “Ngokwengqondo, umuntu ojikijelwa ngamatshe uba buthakathaka futhi uba nenqubo yokucabanga edidekile nehlanekezelwe, okuzoholela ezivusa imizwa, ukungabaza, izinkinga ekwenzeni izinqumo, izindaba zokwethembana, ukuzethemba okuphansi, nesimo somqondo odidekile kakhulu. 

Lapho umuntu uqala ukuzizwa enesizungu ebuhlotsheni, kunzima ukunqoba ukuhlukumezeka nokushaqeka. Kuthatha isikhathi kanye nenani elikhulu lokusekelwa okuvela kwabathandekayo ukuze banqobe futhi baqhubeke. Uma ungazi ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze lapho umlingani wakho ekubhula ngamatshe, ungafinyelela kumeluleki. Kwa-Bonobology, sinikeza usizo lochwepheshe ngokusebenzisa yethu iphaneli yabeluleki abanelayisensi ongakusiza ukuthi ungene endleleni eya ekululameni. 

Ngalokho, sifika ekupheleni kohlu lwethu lwemiphumela engokomzwelo ye-stonewalling. Uma ubheka i-psychology ye-stonewalling kumlingani wakho futhi uqaphela umthelela wayo ebudlelwaneni bakho, thatha isinyathelo ngokumelene nayo ukuze uzivikele wena nomlingani wakho ekulimazeni. Khumbula, ukuxhumana okunempilo kuzala ubudlelwano obunempilo.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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