Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuthi Intombi Yakho Ayikuthakaseli Ngocansi

Izimpawu zokuthi intombi yakho ayikuthakaseli ucansi zingakukhathaza, hhayi nje ngoba ukushoda kungadala ukuthi kungene ibanga kodwa futhi kungakhombisa ukuthi isiqala ukuphelelwa wuthando. Kwabesifazane, izici ezingokomzwelo nezomzimba zokuxhumana kwezothando zihlobene eduze. Omunye ngeke abe khona ngaphandle komunye.

Uma ubona izimpawu zokukhangwa ngokocansi entombini yakho, akusona isifiso sayo somzimba kuphela esibonakalayo kodwa nokuxhumana kwayo ngokomzwelo nawe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lapho lezi zimpawu zinyamalala noma zingekho kwasekuqaleni, ungaqiniseka ukuthi kunenkathazo epharadesi. Kodwa zibukeka kanjani lezi zimpawu? Uma intombi yakho yenqaba ukushela izikhathi ezimbalwa, kusho ukuthi ukukhangwa ngokocansi kuphelile? Kuthiwani uma isifiso sakhe sobulili singafani nesakho?

Uma kubhekwa ukuthi imizimba yabesifazane idlula ekuwohlokeni kwama-hormone nokugeleza kwenyanga ngenyanga, izinguquko esifisweni socansi kanye nomsebenzi akuyona into engavamile noma iyimbangela yokukhathazeka. Nokho, lapho lokhu kuntuleka kwesithakazelo kuba okuphikelelayo, udinga ukulalelisisa. Ngilapha ukuze ngikusize ubone lapho ukuntula ucansi kungaba olunye lwezimpawu ukuthi intombi yakho iphelelwa isithakazelo, esekelwe imininingwane evela kwabanye ongoti bocansi abadumile kanye nochwepheshe bezobudlelwano.   

Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuthi Intombi Yakho Ayikuthakaseli Ngocansi

Ngikhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho lapho ngithi izimpawu zokuthi intombi yakho ayikuthakaseli ucansi ziwumphumela wezikhathi ezinzima ebudlelwaneni. Ngake ngaba yileya ntombi. Ukukhathala okungokomzwelo okuvela ekubeni sekupheleni kokulwa njalo, ukubiza amagama, izinsolo, nokusebenzisa kabi utshwala kozakwethu, kwangenza ngahosha, kancane kancane. Yonke imizwa efudumele nengaqondakali engake ngaba nayo ngaye yathathelwa indawo yonke into engekho.

Njengoba imizwa yami iqala ukuncipha, nesithakazelo sami sokuba nobuhlobo obuseduze nomuntu engangithandana naye sakhula. Njengoba ngike ngasho ngaphambili, kwabesifazane, akukhona ukukhangwa ngokocansi vs ukuheheka kwezothando. Omunye ufutha omunye. Kungakho-ke uma ucansi nentombi kaluzange lube mnandi kwakamuva, kumele ujule odabeni. Indawo enhle yokuqala kungaba ukunaka izimpawu zokuthi ukusondelana akusekho ngoba intombi yakho ayisakukhanga: 

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1. Ukwehliswa kocansi

Uma ulala kancane nentombi, lokho kufanele kube umkhondo wakho wokuqala wokuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi. Isazi ngezocansi kanye nochwepheshe kwezobudlelwane uDkt. Nikki Goldstein uthi, “Ukwehla okungazelelwe kokuya ocansini, okuhambisana nocansi. ukungabi nokuxhumana ngakho, kungabonisa ukuthi akasakuzwa lokho kuxhumana nawe ngokobulili.”

Manje, ubudlelwano bonke budlula ezikhathini ezimbalwa ezomile lapha nalaphaya. Amashejuli amatasa, ukungezwani okuyisisekelo noma izinkinga ezingaxazululiwe, kanye noshintsho lwamahomoni kungaba ezinye zezinto ezingase zinciphise isifiso socansi sentombi yakho. Ngokuvamile, lezi ziphonso ziyadlula lapho inkinga ewumsuka isixazululiwe. Kodwa-ke, uma ukuncipha kokuya ocansini kuba yinjwayelo, kungaba olunye lwezimpawu ukuthi intombi yakho iphelelwa yintshisekelo.

2. Izaba zokugwema ukusondelana

Umelaphi wezobudlelwano kanye nofundisa ngocansi uDkt. Laura Berman uthi, “Lapho owesifazane elahlekelwa ukukhangwa ngokocansi, angase aqale ukugwema ukusondelana ngokomzimba, kuhlanganise nezinto ezilula njengokuthinta noma ukuqabula ngoba uzizwa uphoqelekile noma ungakhululekile.” Ngesikhathi esifanayo, angase angakhululeki ukukuvulela ngakho, futhi ngenxa yalokho, angase asebenzise izaba ngokuvamile ukuze agweme ukusondelana, njengokuthi:

• Ngikhathele kakhulu
• Ngicindezelekile kakhulu
• Ngikhathazekile
• Angizizwa kahle
• Nginekuseni ngovivi kusasa
• Ngidinga ukulala

3. Akaluqali ucansi

U-Toby, uchwepheshe wezokumaketha waseDelaware, wabhalela i-Bonobology, ebuza, "Intombi yami ayilokothi inyakaze kimi. Sesihlale ndawonye izinyanga ezingaphezu kwezingu-6 futhi phakathi nalesi sikhathi, akakaze nakanye aqale ucansi noma aveze isifiso sokusondelana. Umthwalo uphezu kwami ​​ngokuphelele futhi kungenza ngizibuze ukuthi ingabe idlala nje ngoba ayifuni ukunginqabela kakhulu noma ngiyayithanda?

Nakuba abesifazane abaningi bengase babe nezithiyo mayelana nokuqala ucansi, ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni kobudlelwane, bathola izindlela ezicashile ezifana nokudlala ngothando noma ukusebenzisa isimemo. komzimba ukuveza isifiso sabo. Ukungabikho okuphelele kwesithakazelo ocansini kuyifulegi elibomvu.

4. Ukwenqaba njalo ukunxeshezelwa

Yiqiniso, kungase kube nezikhathi lapho ufuna ukusondelana futhi yena akafuni, futhi okuphambene nalokho. Futhi lokho kungokwemvelo kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Nokho, uma yena uyayilahla imizamo yakho Izikhathi eziyisi-8 kweziyi-10, futhi lapho evuma ukusondelana, kuba sengathi ukwenzela umusa, kuwuphawu olusobala lokuthi intombi yakho ayikuthakaseli ucansi.

5. Uyakugwema ukulala nawe embhedeni

Lapho kuqala izinkinga ebudlelwaneni bami bangaphambili, angizange ngiwuzwe umqondo wokuhlala endaweni yesoka lami noma ukulivumela lilale kwelami. Ngaqala ukuhlela izinsuku zethu ngendlela yokuthi kwaba lula kimi ukuvalelisa ngihambe. Ngisho noma siziphumulele kwenye yezindawo zethu, ngangizama ngakho konke okusemandleni ami ukuba ngiyeke ukuchitha ubusuku, ngisebenzisa noma yiziphi izaba engingase ngizithole.

• “Ngishiye ilaptop yami ekhaya futhi ngiyidinga ukuze ngiqedele isethulo”
• “Ngicabanga ukuthi ngishiye ilondolo eningi emshinini.
• “Ngathembisa ukuhlalisa inja yomngane wami”

Uma kukhona okufanayo okwenzeka ebudlelwaneni bakho noma intombi yakho igwema ukusondelana nawe embhedeni, kungaba phakathi kwezimpawu ezikhathazayo zokuthi inkanuko yocansi entula ebuhlotsheni.

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6. Ukungabi nandaba nokudlala ngothando

Izimpawu zokukhangwa ngokocansi ebudlelwaneni zidlulela ngalé kwesenzo sangempela sokuzibandakanya ocansini. Zingatholakala futhi,

• Ukudlala ngothando
• Ukuziphatha okudlalayo
• Ukugcona nokubhuqa

Uma lezi zilahlekile, kungezinye zezimpawu eziqinisekile ukuthi ukusondelana akusekho ebudlelwaneni bakho. Uma intombi yakho inqikaza ukuhlanganyela nawe ngokudlala ngothando ngisho nangezikhathi zakho zangasese, unesizathu esizwakalayo sokukhathazeka. 

7. Umzimba ovaliwe

Iningi lezimpawu zokukhangwa ngokocansi phakathi kwabantu ababili zingatholakala ngolimi lomzimba wabo. Lokhu kubandakanya,

• Encike phakathi
• Ukubheka amehlo isikhathi eside
• Emamatheka
• Blush
• Ukugcina ukusondelana ngokomzimba

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukweqa izingalo, ukufulathela, nokugcina ibanga kuyizimpawu zokuthi umuntu akanantshisekelo yokuba seduze noma ukusondelana nawe. Uma ubone ukushintsha kolimi lomzimba lwentombi yakho, ikakhulukazi ngezikhathi zakho zangasese noma ezisondelene—ngokwesibonelo, uma uncike ukuze uyiqabule, esikhundleni sokuncika kuwe, iyahlehla—kungenye yezindlela zakudala. izimpawu ukuthi intombi yakho iphelelwa yintshisekelo.

8. Ukugwema ukuthintana emehlweni ngesikhathi sokusondelana

Ukugwema ukuthintana emehlweni ngesikhathi nithandana kuwuphawu lokuthi intombi yakho ayisajabuleli lezi zikhathi zokusondelana nawe ngoba ayizwani nokuxhumana noma imizwa yakhe ngawe iyashintsha. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo uDkt. Alexandra Soloman sithi, “Intombi engasakhangwa ubulili ingase iveze lokhu ngezindlela ezicashile, njengokugwema ukubheka abantu lapho nisothandweni noma ibonakale sengathi yehlukanisiwe phakathi nobulili.” Lokhu kungase kukushiye uzibuza, “Ingabe intombi yami iyangithanda?”

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9. Akasakuncomi  

Olunye lwezimpawu ezivame ukunganakwa zokuthi intombi yakho ayikukhangi ngokobulili ukuthi ayivamile ukukuncoma ngendlela obukeka ngayo noma ibonise ukwazisa kwayo amazwi okuvuma noma ukuthinta komzimba njengokukuqabula ngoba ubukeka umuhle kakhulu noma uncike ukuze ugone ukuze uzwe lawo ma-abs obusebenza kuwo.

10. Ukude ngokomzwelo

Ukuzungeza emuva engxoxweni emayelana nokukhangwa ucansi vs isipiliyoni sokukhangwa kwezothando kwabesifazane, ibanga elingokomzwelo kanye nokuntuleka kokukhangwa ngokocansi kuvame ukuxhumana. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nomelaphi wezocansi uDkt. David Schnarch uyachaza, “Ibanga elingokomzwelo ngokuvamile kwandulela ukulahlekelwa ukukhangwa ngokobulili. Uma umlingani wakho ehoxa ngokomzwelo, kungaba yinkomba ebalulekile yokuthi ukukhangwa ngokocansi kuyaphela.”

11. Isithukuthezi ngesikhathi sokusondelana

“Uma intombi yakho ibonakala ingahlanganyeli phakathi nobulili, noma uma ukusondelana kuzwakala njengokujwayelekile kunokuhlangana okujabulisayo, kungase kubonise ukuntula ukukhangwa ngokobulili,” kusho isazi sobulili uDkt. Holly Richmond. Lo mqondo wokungahlangani ungenza kubonakale sengathi unesithukuthezi, mhlawumbe aze agijimele kuwo noma alinde ukuthi kudlule.

URay, owaphothula ekolishi, uthi, “Ngike ngaba sesikhungweni semfundo ephakeme ubuhlobo obuqinile kusukela ngonyaka wokuqala ekolishi. Kodwa-ke, selokhu sathweswa iziqu, kubonakala sengathi kukhona okushintshile ku-dynamics yethu. Intombi yami ayisanginyakazi. Ngisho noma sisondelana, ubamba iqhaza engenzi lutho. Angikwazi ukuwususa umuzwa wokuthi usephelelwe uthando kodwa akakayitholi indlela yokungitshela.”

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12. Uncamela ukuzihlalela yedwa

Lapho intombi yakho ingasadonseleki kuwe, ngokocansi nangokomzwelo, uzobona ngokuhamba okuphawulekayo kwesimo sengqondo ngawe kanye nobudlelwano. Intombazane eyake yalangazelela inkampani yakho futhi yayingaphuthelwa yiliphi ithuba lokusebenzisa isikhathi sekhwalithi nawe ngokuzumayo uqala ukukhetha ukuchitha isikhathi uwedwa noma ukuzihlalela nabangani.  

13. Igwema ukuthinta ngokomzimba

Ukuntuleka kokukhangwa kwezocansi kuzobonakala ngale kokuguquguquka kwempilo yakho yocansi. Esinye salezo zibonelo ukuthi wayeqala ukugwema ukuthinta ngokomzimba kwanoma yiluphi uhlobo, kungaba ukubamba isandla sakho, ukugona nawe ngenkathi ubuka ifilimu, noma ukuphulula izinwele zakho ngothando. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Tammy Nelson sinalo mbono futhi sithi, “Abesifazane abangakhangi ubulili kubalingani babo bangase babonise ukungabi nasithakazelo ekuthinteni futhi bagweme ukusondelana, kokubili ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo.”

14. Ukungabi nandaba nokuthinta komzimba okuyengayo

Cabanga ngalokhu: Nisembhedeni nentombi yakho noma nibuka ifilimu kusofa, bese niqala ukunyakazisa iminwe yakho emzimbeni wayo noma ngokuqabula intamo, futhi akukho mpendulo evela kuyo. Akukho ukushwibeka, akukho ukububula okuthambile, akukho ama-goosebumps. Akabheki ngakini noma akubuze ukuthi kwenzakalani. Ekugcineni uyeka okwenzayo, futhi awukwazi ukuzibamba kodwa uzibuze, “Ingabe intombi yami isangithanda na?”

Nokho, ukwesaba kwakho akunasisekelo. Ukuntula ukusabela ezenzweni eziyengayo noma zokudlala mhlawumbe phakathi kwezimpawu ezibonisa ukuthi intombi yakho ayikukhanganga ngokobulili. Kukhona ngempela isizathu esijulile, esibucayi esilethe lolu shintsho endleleni azizwa ngayo ngawe. 

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15. Akukho ntshisekelo ekuhloleni ezocansi

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nocansi uDkt. Shannon Chavez uthi, “Uma owesifazane engasakhangwa umlingani wakhe ocansini, angase alahlekelwe yintshisekelo yokuzibandakanya noma ukuxoxa ngamaphupho ocansi, ukuhlola. imibono yokudlala indima noma ukuzama izinto ezintsha ekamelweni.” Ngakho-ke, uma ucansi nentombi lukhawulelwe ezikhundleni zokugijima futhi lulandela isigqi esifanayo ngaso sonke isikhathi, kuyinkomba eqinile yokuthi akakukhanganga ngokocansi.

Ungabhekana Kanjani Uma Intombi Yakho Ingakuthandi Ngocansi

Zonke lezi zimpawu ezibuhlungu zingakushiya uzibuza ukuthi ungaphinde uthandeke kanjani ngokocansi entombini yakho. Ngiyakuzonda ukukuphula, ngeke kube lula, ngaphandle uma, vele, isizathu esibangela isifiso sakhe socansi esinciphayo siwukuthi ukucisha njengokungahlanzeki komuntu siqu noma umoya omubi. Lokho kusho, akunakwenzeka futhi. Uma ubhekana nesimo ngokuzwela okufanele, ungathola indlela yokululama kulokhu kuphazamiseka. Nawa amathiphu ambalwa okuthi ungabhekana kanjani nesimo uma intombi yakho ingakukhanganga ngokocansi:

1. Ukuxhumana okuvulekile

Qala ngokuba nengxoxo eqotho nentombi yakho. Sondela isihloko ngobumnene, ugxile ekuqondeni imizwa yakhe kanye nezizathu ezenza kube noshintsho ekuheheni ucansi. Ukuxhumana okuvulekile kungaholela ekuqondeni kangcono izidingo nezinkathazo zomunye nomunye.

2. Gxila ekuxhumaneni ngokomzwelo

Qinisa isibopho sakho esingokomzwelo ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuntula ukukhangwa ngokobulili kungase kubangelwa ukunqanyulwa ngokomzwelo. Chithani isikhathi sekhwalithi ndawonye, ​​nihlanganyele izingxoxo ezijulile, futhi babonise ukwazisa ngomunye nomunye ukuze bakhe kabusha ukusondelana.

3. Gwema ukusola

Melana nesifiso sokuzibeka icala wena noma intombi yakho. Ukukhangwa ngokocansi kungashintshashintsha ngenxa yezici ezihlukahlukene, okuhlanganisa ingcindezi, impilo, noma izinguquko ebudlelwaneni. Ukusola kungadala ukucasuka nokunye cindezela ubudlelwano.

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4. Sebenzela ukuzethemba

Gxila ekuzethembeni kwakho nokuzethemba. Zibandakanye emisebenzini ekwenza uzizwe ujabule ngawe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukusebenza, ukuphishekela izinto zokuzilibazisa, noma ukufeza imigomo yakho siqu. Umqondo wokuzethemba ungaba nomthelela omuhle ebudlelwaneni bakho.

5. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Cabangela ukubona ubudlelwano noma owelapha ezocansi ndawonye. Uchwepheshe anganisiza nobabili nihlole izinkinga eziwumsuka, nithuthukise ukuxhumana, futhi nithole izixazululo zokuvuselela ukukhangwa ngokocansi. Uma ufuna usizo, unekhono futhi unolwazi abeluleki kuphaneli yeBonobology zilapha kuwe.

I-6. Iba nesineke

Qonda ukuthi ukwakha kabusha ukukhangwa ngokocansi kuthatha isikhathi. Gwema ukucindezela intombi yakho noma ukubeka okulindelekile okungenangqondo. Ukubekezela nokuqonda kungasiza ekudaleni indawo esekelayo lapho ukukhanga kungakhula khona ngokwemvelo.

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7. Hlola ubuhlobo

Cabanga ngobudlelwano bakho bubonke. Uma ukuntula ukukhangwa ngokocansi kuyindaba yesikhathi eside futhi kuba nomthelela omkhulu enjabulweni yakho, kungase kudingeke ukuthi ucabangele ukuthi ubudlelwano buyazifeza yini izidingo zakho nokuthi kufanele yini uqhubeke.

imibuzo ejwayelekile ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Nakuba zingaba buhlungu njengezimpawu zokuthi intombi yakho ayikuthakaseli ngokocansi, akumele zisho ukuphela kwendlela yobudlelwano bakho. Uma uyithanda intombi yakho futhi wazisa isibopho owabelana ngaso nayo, ungathola indlela yokuphinde uxhumane nayo futhi avuselele inhlansi.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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