Kungani Ngikuthola Kunzima Ukuxhumana Nomlingani Wami? Ingcweti Izimpendulo

Kunesikhathi empilweni yami lapho ngizithola ngingakwazi ukuveza imicabango yami kumlingani wami, ikakhulukazi phakathi nezingxabano noma ngezikhathi ezazifuna ukuba sengozini. Kwakungengenxa yokuntula ukucaciseleka ngalokho engangifuna ukukusho noma ukuzithola ngiphelelwa amazwi. Angikwazanga nje ukukhuluma izinto ezithile ngokuzwakalayo. Lokhu-ke kwanezela ekudidekeni nasekungaqondini, okwenza kwaba nzima nakakhulu ukukhuluma ngemicabango nemizwa yami. Nginomuzwa wokuthi sibanjwe obishini olubi, ngazibuza, “Kungani ngikuthola kunzima ukuxhumana nomngane wami?”

Nginesiqiniseko sokuthi lokhu kuyingqinamba abantu abaningi ababhekana nayo ebudlelwaneni babo obuseduze. Phela, inkolelo-mbono yokuthi “Akukho lutho” kuyimpendulo evamile kokuthi “Yini engalungile?” akuvelanga kubhamuza. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi abaningi bethu bakhula bengafundile ukuxhumana nezidingo ebudlelwaneni noma ukuthi bangaba nezingxoxo ezinzima kanjani ngaphandle kokuthola imizwa yokuzivikela noma elimazayo.

Uma kubhekwa ukubaluleka kokuxhumana okunempilo ebudlelwaneni, kumele siwayeke la maphethini. Silapha ukuze sikusize uxazulule izinkinga zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni, ngemininingwane evela kuchwepheshe wezengqondo Rashmi Shah (MSc in psychology), osebenza ngokukhethekile ekubhekaneni nezinhlobonhlobo zezinkinga zobudlelwano, kusukela ekuntulekeni ukusondelana kuya ezingxabanweni nokuhlukana.

Izimpawu Zezinkinga Zokuxhumana Ebudlelwaneni

Njengami, ingabe nawe ubulokhu unenkinga yokucabanga, “Kungani ngikuthola kunzima ukuxhumana nomlingani wami?” Ngaphambi kokuthi sikuhlole kabanzi, kubalulekile ukuthola ukuthi empeleni ubhekene nezinkinga zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni futhi awugcini nje ngokucabanga ngokweqile isimo. Ngakho, wenzani ukungakhulumisani kahle ebudlelwaneni kufana ne? U-Rashmi wabelana ngezimpawu zokulandisa ezilandelayo okufanele aziqaphele:

• Ukulalela kabi: Olunye lwezimpawu zokuthi anikhulumisani ngendlela efanele ebudlelwaneni benu ukungakwazi ukuzwana ngesineke. U-Rashmi uthi: “Oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bangase bangalaleli omunye nomunye, okuholela ekungezwani noma ekuzizweni ngezwakali.
• Izingxabano ezivamile: URashmi uthi: “Izingxabano eziqhubekayo noma izingxabano ngezinto ezingasho lutho zingase zibonise izinkinga zokuxhumana. Uma konke ukungaboni ngaso linye kuholela ezimpini, kuwuphawu lokuthi udinga ukufunda ukukhuluma ngezinkinga ebudlelwaneni.
• Umdlalo wecala: Ukushintsha icala kungenye inkomba ebalulekile yokungakhulumisani kahle ebudlelwaneni. “Esikhundleni sokuziphendulela ngezenzo zabo, abalingani bangase basole omunye ngezinkinga ebuhlotsheni,” kusho uRashmi
• Izindlela zokuxhumana ezihlukene: “Ozakwethu bangase babe nezindlela zokuxhumana ezihlukene noma abakuthandayo, okuholela ebunzimeni ekuqondeni omunye nomunye,” kuchaza uRashmi. Uma ukhuluma ngendlela engahambisani nomlingani wakho noma okuphambene nalokho, nakanjani uzosala ubhekene nokuntuleka kokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni.
• I-Passive-aggressiveness: URashmi uthi: “Esikhundleni sokukhuluma ngokukhululekile okukhathazayo, omunye umlingani angase aphendukele ekuziphatheni okunolaka noma abhuqe. Ngenxa yalokho, ungasala ukhala, “Umlingani wami/umkami/ umyeni wami akangiqondi”, noma
• Imibono: Ukungaboni ngaso linye kuwuphawu olucacile lwezinkinga zokukhulumisana ebudlelwaneni, futhi kubangelwa ukuthambekela kokucabangela esikhundleni sokuzijwayeza ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile ngemicabango, imizwa, kanye nemizwa yomunye nomunye. URashmi uthi: “Ukucabangela lokho omunye umuntu akucabangayo noma akuzwayo ngaphandle kokuxhumana naye kungase kubangele ukungezwani,” kusho uRashmi.

Kungani Ngikuthola Kunzima Ukuxhumana Nomlingani Wami? 5 Izizathu Ezingenzeka

Lapho sengikwazile ukuzazi ukuthi angikhulumisani ngendlela efanele ebudlelwaneni, ngabona ukuthi kwakuyindawo okufanele ngisebenze kuyo. Ngokufunda ngembangela ye izinkinga zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni, ngingena ekwelapheni, futhi ngikhumbula nje indlela engibhekana ngayo nezingxoxo ezinzima, ngakwazi ukuphula le phethini - kahle, ngezinga elikhulu.

Kulolu hambo lokuthola impendulo yombuzo othi, "Kungani ngidonsa kanzima ukuxhumana nomlingani wami?", Ngabona ukuthi le ndaba, kaningi, ingaphakathi futhi ayibonakali yezinkinga eziyisisekelo ebuhlotsheni. Kunjalo, izici zangaphandle njengamashejuli amatasatasa kanye nethekhnoloji zidlala indima, kodwa empeleni, kuphumela ekuvinjweni kwakho siqu kanye nokungabaza kwakho.

Uma, nawe, uvamise ukulwa nokuqaphela okunjengokuthi, “Angikwazi ukuxhumana nomyeni/umkami/umlingani wami”, noma uzwa isidingo sokufunda ukuthi ungaxhumana kanjani kangcono nesoka/intombi/oshade naye/uphathina wakho, ukucwila ngokujulile kumsuka wakho kufanelekile. Ngokubonisana no-Rashmi, ngibala izizathu ezinhlanu ezigqamayo ezidala izinkinga zokuxhumana ebuhlotsheni:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izikhulu Eziyisi-8 Zokuxhumana Okuvulekile Ebudlelwaneni

1. Izithiyo zolimi

Uma wena nomlingani wakho ninezilimi zomdabu ezehlukene, ngisho noma nikhuluma ulimi olujwayelekile, ukuxhumana ebuhlotsheni kungaba inselele. Ikakhulukazi, uma kuziwa ekuvezeni imizwa yakho ngokucacile ngezihloko ezibucayi. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi sinentambo yokucabanga ngolimi lwethu lwendabuko, nezingathekiso kanye nokutolikwa kokuthinta okuthile ngisho namathoni kungahluka ngolimi olulodwa kuya kolunye.

Ngakho-ke, noma ngabe usebenzisa amagama aphuma olimini eniluqondayo nobabili nozakwenu, the komzimba futhi iphimbo kungaba nzima ukuhlobana nalo. Njengomcwaningi wolimi lomzimba u-Albert Mehrabian okutholiwe, amagama ahlanganisa amaphesenti angu-7 kuphela okuxhumana kwethu, okunye kuncike emazwini akhulunywayo nangamazwi. U-Rashmi uthi, “Uma ozakwethu bekhuluma izilimi ezihlukene noma benamazinga ahlukene obuchwepheshe, ukuxhumana kungaba inselele.” Kuyafana uma ozakwethu benezitayela ezahlukene zokuxhumana.

2. Ukwesaba ukuba sengozini

Uma uvame ukuzithola ubuza, “Kungani ngishikashikeka ukuxhumana nomlingani wami?”, impendulo ingase ifihlwe ekujuleni kwezimpande - ngokuvamile okungaqondakali - ukwesaba ukwahlulelwa noma ukugxekwa. “Abantu abanenkinga yokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bangase bakuxwaye ubungozi ebudlelwaneni nokuvulela umlingani wabo.”

Lokhu kwesaba kusekelwe ekuhlangenwe nakho kwesikhathi esidlule sokuhlekwa usulu, usulu, noma wahlulelwa ngokudalula imizwa yakho yangempela, imicabango, noma izidingo kwabanye, futhi empeleni kuyindlela yokuzivikela. Ngakho-ke, uma umlingani wakho evame ukuxosha, ukwenza kube kungasebenzi, noma ukuhleka usulu imicabango noma imizwa yakho, noma othile osondelene nawe wenze lokhu esikhathini esidlule - umzali, ingane yakini, noma umlingani wangaphambili, ungase ube nobunzima bokuthola ukuthi ungaxhumana kanjani nezidingo ebuhlotsheni.

3. Ukulindela okungenangqondo ukuthi umlingani wakho uzokwazi nje ukuthi yini oyifunayo

Esinye isizathu esivamile esenza abaningi bethu bangahambi kahle ekukhulumeni okukhululekile nokwethembeka ebuhlotsheni ukusakazwa komqondo wokuthi umuntu osithandayo uzokwazi nje ukuthi yini esiyifunayo noma esiyidingayo. U-Rashmi uthi, "Uma umuntu elindele ukuthi umlingani wakhe aqonde izidingo zabo ngaphandle kokuziveza, uzogcina engasakhulumisani ebuhlotsheni - okungenani okungeyona indlela efanele." Njengoba kungekho muntu ofunda ingqondo, lokhu uukulindela okungokoqobo akugcini nje ngokulimaza ikhono lakho lokukhuluma kodwa futhi kuholela ekulimaleni nasekudumaleni, okubangela ukucasuka.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Okulindelwe Ebudlelwaneni: Indlela Elungile Yokuphatha

4. Iziphazamiso zedijithali

Ukuchitha amahora ukuskrola ocingweni esikhundleni sokuchitha isikhathi esihle nozakwenu. Ukuhamba ebusuku ubuso bungcwatshwe kumafoni. Ukusebenzisa isikhathi esikhululekile ukuzitika ngokuqukethwe kwe-OTT. Sonke siyibonile izithandani zenza lokhu. Heck, siyizithandani ezenza lokhu. Bese siyazibuza ukuthi kungani lo mdanso obucayi wobudlelwano nokuxhumana unzima kangaka ukuwuphelelisa.

U-Rashmi uxwayisa ngokuthi lokhu kungaba nomthelela ekuxhumaneni ebuhlotsheni. futhi ithi, “Ukusetshenziswa ngokweqile kobuchwepheshe nezinkundla zokuxhumana kungaphazamisa ukuxhumana ubuso nobuso.” Uma ubeka phambili ukuphazamiseka okulula okunikezwa amagajethi, i-inthanethi, noma inkundla yezokuxhumana, ngaphezu kokwenza umzamo wokuxhumana nozakwenu, ngokwemvelo, uqala ukuhlukana. Lokhu kuba yindawo yokuzalela a ukuntuleka kokuxhumana ebuhlotsheni. 

5. Isitayela sokunamathisela

Kungani ngikuthola kunzima ukuxhumana nomlingani wami, uyabuza? Isitayela sakho sokunamathiselwe singase sidlale. Ungase ubone ukuxhumana okuncane noma okungekho ebudlelwaneni lapho izitayela zokunamathisela zozakwethu zingqubuzana khona.

Isibonelo, abantu abanokunamathela okukhathazayo, badinga ukuqinisekiswa okuningi okuvela kubalingani babo ukuze bazizwe belondekile futhi bethandwa. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu abane okunamathiselwe kokugwema, baziwa ngokuvala imizwa yabo futhi besaba ukuba sengozini. Manje, uma laba bantu ababili behlangana ndawonye ebuhlotsheni, bangase bathwale kanzima ukuze badlulele komunye nomunye.

Uzakwethu onobudlelwane obukhathazekile angase abhekane nemicabango efana nokuthi, “Umlingani wami/umkami/umyeni wami akangiqondi”, okubangela ukwesaba kwabo ukulahlwa. Umlingani ogwemayo angase athi, “Angikwazi ukukhuluma nomyeni wami/umkami/umlingani wami kangaka”, okuvusa kubo isifiso sokuhosha nokuququda.

9 Amathiphu Avela Kumelaphi Okuthuthukisa Ukuxhumana Ebudlelwaneni

Manje njengoba usunayo impendulo yombuzo ophazamisayo, “Kungani ngikuthola kunzima ukuxhumana nomlingani wami?”, umbuzo olandelayo onengqondo uwukuthi yini engenziwa ukulungisa lesi simo. Ngokuvamile, ukukhulumisana okubi noma okungekho ebudlelwaneni kubangela ukuba kude kungene kuzibalo zabashadile. Yilokho lapho owesifazane ezizwa enganakiwe ebudlelwaneni noma indoda izizwa inqanyuliwe kumlingani wayo. O, ukuguquguquka okuhlala kuyinkimbinkimbi kobudlelwano nokuxhumana!

Lokhu kungakushiya uzibuza ukuthi ungaxhumana kanjani kangcono nesoka/intombi/umlingani wakho, noma udonsa kanzima ukuthola ukuthi ungakhuluma kanjani ngezinkinga zobudlelwano. U-Rashmi unikeza amathiphu angasebenza okuthi ungathuthukisa kanjani ukuxhumana ebuhlotsheni:

1. Qaphela iphimbo lakho

Ukubhekana nenselele yokungakhulumisani kahle noma okungekho nhlobo ebudlelwaneni, kufanele ufunde ukunaka iphimbo olisebenzisayo ngenkathi ukhuluma nomlingani wakho. Phela, sidlulisela okuningi ngephimbo nenkulumo yethu njengoba senza ngamazwi ethu. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma ufuna ukwazi ukuthi ungakhuluma kanjani nomlingani wakho ngezinkinga zobudlelwano ngaphandle kokuthi kuphenduke ingxabano.

2. Beka imingcele

Imingcele idlala indima ebalulekile ekulungiseni kahle i-symphony yobudlelwano nokuxhumana. Ngakho-ke, uma ubulokhu ulwa nemicabango enjengokuthi, “Angazi ukuthi ngingakhuluma kanjani nomyeni wami ngemizwa yami”, noma “angikwazi ukuhlanganyela imicabango yami nomkami” noma “Kungani ngikuthola kunzima ukuxhumana nomlingani wami?”, mhlawumbe, sekuyisikhathi sokusebenza ukubeka imingcele enempilo ezivumela ukuxhumana okuthembekile ngokwesaba ukwahlulela, ukuhlekwa, noma ukuhlehla.

URashmi uthi: “Ozakwethu kumelwe bahloniphe imingcele yomunye nomunye futhi bakhulume ngokukhululekile ngezidingo zakho nalokho okukhethayo.  

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izibonelo Eziyisi-9 Zemingcele Yemizwa Ebudlelwaneni

3. Cacisa imizwa yakho ngaphambi kokuba usabele

Uma ulaka luvutha noma wena nomlingani wakho ningavumelani futhi basho okuthile okukubangelayo, ukusabela ngaleso sikhathi kungenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle. Nakuba kungase kubonakale kuyi-cathatic okwesikhashana, kunomthelela ekuwohlokeni kokuxhumana ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Elinye lamathiphu abaluleke kakhulu okuthi ungakhuluma kanjani nophathina wakho ngezinkinga zobudlelwano ngaphandle kokwenza isimo sibe sibi kakhulu ukuthatha indawo futhi ucubungule imizwa yakho ngaphambi kokuba usabele. Lena indlela engcono kakhulu yokuvimbela usho izinto ezibuhlungu kumlingani wakho ukuthi ungase uzisole kamuva.

4. Nciphisa iziphazamiso

U-Rashmi uyeluleka, “Nciphisa iziphazamiso ezifana namafoni noma i-TV lapho uxoxa nophathina wakho.” Kusukela ukuphazamiseka kwedijithali kungesinye sezizathu eziyinhloko ngemuva kokuxhumana okubi noma okungekho ebudlelwaneni, ukususa le mbangela yezibalo kungahamba ibanga elide ekulungiseni inkinga.

5. Yiba nozwela

Uma uzithola usesimweni lapho ukukhulumisana kuholela ekungqubuzaneni, okubuye kube nomthelela ekhonweni lakho lokukhuluma nomlingani wakho, kukwenze nobabili nizizwe nikude futhi ningazwani, into esemqoka uzwela lungase luntuleke ebudlelwaneni benu. Ukuze abhekane nalokhu, uRashmi uyeluleka, “Zama ukuqonda umbono womlingani wakho futhi ubonise uzwela ngemizwa yakhe.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyisi-6 Zokuba Nozwelo Kakhudlwana Ebudlelwaneni Ngokusho Kochwepheshe

6. Hlela izingxoxo zakho kahle

Ukuze nixhumane kahle, wena nozakwenu nidinga ukuba semakhanda alungile. Uma ufinyelela kubo ukuze nixoxe ngezinkinga noma ngisho ukwabelana ngemizwa yakho lapho bematasa ngomsebenzi noma enye into, cishe ngeke uluthole uhlobo lwempendulo obuyifisa. Lokhu kungadumaza ngempela futhi kungase kukuvimbe ekuvuleni nasekufinyeleleni umlingani wakho ngokuzayo.

Indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nalolu daba oluvame kakhulu oluthinta ikhwalithi yokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni ukubeka isikhathi izingxoxo zakho kahle. Uma unokuthile okubalulekile ongakutshela noma ukuxoxisana nomlingani wakho, mbuze ukuthi unaso yini isikhathi namandla engqondo okuzibandakanya engxoxweni. Uma kungenjalo, yibeke eceleni kuze kube yilapho nobabili nitholakala ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo ukuze nibhekane nenkinga onayo.

7. Qinisekisa imizwa

Lapho umlingani oyedwa echitha noma echitha imizwa noma imizwelo yomunye, kungenza kube nzima ukukhululeka nokukhulumisana ngokukhululekile. Uma lo mjikelezo we ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo iphindaphinda kaningi, ibanga liqala ukungena ebuhlotsheni. Kulapho-ke owesifazane ezizwa enganakiwe ebudlelwaneni noma owesilisa ezizwa enqanyuliwe kumlingani wakhe, futhi izinkinga zokukhulumisana ziya ngokuya ziba zimbi. Isixazululo? U-Rashmi uthi, “Yazisa imizwa yomlingani wakho futhi uyiqinisekise, ngisho noma ungavumelani nombono wakhe.

8. Zijwayeze ukubekezela

Umzabalazo wokukhulumisana kahle nesithandwa sakho ungasingathwa ngesineke nokuqonda. URashmi uthi: “Abantu ababili abathandanayo bayokuthola kulula ukukhulumisana lapho bazi ukuthi bazonikezwa indawo yokusho ucezu lwabo futhi bazwakale. Ngakho-ke, yiba nesineke futhi unikeze umlingani wakho isikhathi sokukhuluma ngokugcwele ngaphandle kokuxhamazela noma ukumphazamisa.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokuba Nesineke Ebudlelwaneni

9. Sebenzisa Izitatimende ezithi “Mina”

Indlela yokukhuluma nomyeni wami ngemizwa yami, indlela yokuthulula isifuba kumkami, noma kanjani ukuxhumana kangcono nomlingani wami, uyabuza? Iphimbo elingasoli kanye nokuqondisa okucacile ekushintsheni ukusola kuyimpendulo. Ukuze ukwazi ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile nomlingani wakho ngemizwa yakho, kufanele uziphendulele ngemizwa yakho siqu. Ngalokhu, u-Rashmi uyeluleka, “Faka izitatimende zakho usebenzisa okuthi “Mina” esikhundleni sokuthi “wena” ukuze ugweme ukuzwakala njengecala. Isibonelo, “Ngiphatheka kabi uma…” esikhundleni sokuthi “Uhlale…”.

Lapho umbuzo othi, "Kungani ngilwela ukuxhumana nomlingani wami?", Uphakama engqondweni yakho, thatha isikhashana uhlale nawe, uhlole izimpawu nezimbangela - ugxile ngokuyinhloko endimeni yakho - futhi izimpendulo zizovela. Ngokusekelwe kulokho okutholayo, ungakha imephu yomgwaqo ukuze uthuthukise ikhwalithi yokuxhumana kwakho nomunye wakho obalulekile, amathiphu ethu anconywe uchwepheshe asebenza njengesibani esiqondisayo endleleni.

15 Izivivinyo Ezinconywe Ngochwepheshe Zokuxhumana Kwabashadikazi

Qonda Ukuthi Kungani Ukuxhumana Kubalulekile Ebudlelwaneni Ngaphambi Kokuba Kuphuze Kakhulu!

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

Bheka Inqubo Yethu Yokuhlela

Hlangana Nebhodi Lethu Lokubuyekeza

Yabelana Ngempendulo

Ithini impendulo yakho?

×

Eziwusizo Bika Iphutha Izincwajana zemininingwane

Hambisa