Kungani Ngikhumbula Isoka Lami Kakhulu: Izizathu Nezindlela Zokubhekana Nazo

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Cabanga ngalokhu: isoka lakho lihambile liyoqeqeshelwa umsebenzi phesheya kwezilwandle, futhi ulele ekhoneni elilodwa lombhede wakho, ulalele ingoma eliyithandayo futhi ulinde ucingo olulodwa oluvela kulo elizolishaya uma selikhululekile. Okwamanje, kubonakala sengathi ubeke impilo yakho yonke. Kuzwakala ujwayelekile? Hhayi-ke, uma uke wazithola usezimweni lapho uke wazibuza khona, “Kungani ngilikhumbula kangaka isoka lami?”, usendaweni efanele. Ukulahlekelwa umlingani akukubi kangako, kodwa okungenampilo yilapho uqala ukudebeselela impilo yakho, umsebenzi, noma abangani ezimweni ezinjalo, futhi uqale ukuhileleka ezindleleni zokubhekana nezimo ezingenampilo noma uzizwe ucindezelekile.

Kulesi sihloko, ngeke nje sijule ngezizathu ezingenzeka zokuthi ulahlekelwe isoka lakho kakhulu kodwa sizokunikeza namathiphu asekelwe ochwepheshe angakusiza ukuba udlule kulesi sikhathi esinzima, ngosizo lomeluleki wethu wobudlelwane ochwepheshe. Ruchi Ruuh (I-Postgraduate Diploma ku-Counselling Psychology). Ngakho, yini esiyilindele? Asiqale...

Kungani Ngikhumbula Isoka Lami Kakhulu? Izizathu ezingenzeka

Umngane wami, uClare, 27, wahlukana nesoka lakhe leminyaka engu-2 ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ezedlule. Ngenkathi esocingweni nami, walandisa ukuthi wayefa kanjani ukumthumelela umlayezo futhi wayemkhumbula njengohlanya. Uchithe isikhathi esingcono sosuku lwakhe emcuphile ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ebuka izithombe zabo ezimbili, wagcina eyitholile umbhalo wokuxolisa kusuka kuye emasontweni ambalwa kamuva. Nakuba ukuhlukana kwakungokwesikhashana futhi yena nesoka lakhe bagcina bebuyelane ngenyanga edlule, kamuva washo ukuthi wayezizwa kanjani “ewumlutha” walo. Futhi leli gama mhlawumbe lichaza ukuthi kunjani ukukhumbula isoka, kungaba ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kwesikhashana noma unomphela.

A cwaningo, empeleni, kufakazele ukuthi ukushoda kwesithandwa kufana kanjani ngokwesayensi nezimpawu zokuhoxa imilutha ye-cocaine eziboniswayo lapho bencishwa umuthi. Izimpawu ezingokomzimba zokulahlekelwa othile omthandayo zingase zibonakale. Kodwa yini ebangela ukusabela okungokomzwelo okujule kangaka? Hhayi-ke, sizobheka izizathu ezimbalwa ezingaba nomthelela kulokhu kulangazelela isoka abantu abaningi besifazane abadlula kukho lapho bengekho eduze kwabo:

1. Ukunamathela ngokomzwelo

Isizathu esisobala kakhulu sokuthi abesifazane baphuthelwe amasoka abo ukunamathela ngokomzwelo. Lapho sisebenzelana ngothando nothile, amakhemikhali emizwa ahlukahlukene, njenge-oxytocin, i-dopamine, ne-serotonin, athinta ubuchopho bethu futhi asenze sakhe izibopho nemizwelo. URuchi uthi, “Ukuhlobana okungokomzwelo kuqiniswa nakakhulu okuhlangenwe nakho nezingxoxo umuntu aba nazo kokubili ngezikhathi ezijabulisayo neziyinselele.”

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2. Ukuxhaswa

URuchi uthi, “Isizathu esilandelayo esivelele kakhulu somqondo wokuphuthelwa yisoka ukusekelwa, induduzo, isikhuthazo, kanye nesiqinisekiso sokuthi ubuhlobo obunempilo iletha.” Ngakho-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi uyaphuthelwa:

Isikhathi apheka ngaso ukudla ngesikhathi ugula
Indlela ame ngakuwe ngesikhathi kumele ulalise umama wakho esibhedlela ukuze ahlinzwe okuphuthumayo
Izingcingo ezinde abezenza ebusuku elalela amazwi ahlabayo uma uphelelwa umsebenzi
Indlela akutotosa ngayo ngosuku lwakho lokuqala
Zonke lezo zikhathi wayekunakekela lapho ugula

3. Imisebenzi eyabiwe kanye nezinqubo

URuchi uthi, “Imisebenzi ehlanganyelwayo, ngisho noma kuyimisebenzi eyisicefe nevamile, igxilile ezingqondweni zethu futhi iyasithinta lapho singasakwazi ukuhileleka kuyo.” Lezi zinkumbulo ziletha ukulangazelela lapho umuntu esabelane naye ngesipiliyoni engasekho kithi. Imisebenzi enjalo ingase ihlanganise:

Ukubuka amamuvi akho owathandayo
Ukudlala imidlalo yevidiyo ndawonye
Imisebenzi ethokozisayo esondelene noma yocansi, njenge imidlalo yamakhadi ambalwa
Ukuthumela imiyalezo noma ukukhuluma ngocingo

kungani ngikhumbula isoka lami kangaka ngikhala — Uma uhlanganyele izikhathi eziningi ezimnandi, nakanjani uzolikhumbula isoka lakho lapho lingekho

4. Izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo

U-Ruchi ukholelwa ukuthi, “Lapho senza izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo nozakwethu, zisisiza ukuba sakhe ubuhlobo obujulile nabo, okubangela ukuba sibakhumbule lapho bengasekho.” Imigomo enjalo ingase ingabi nje sína, yesikhathi eside amagoli ambalwa, njengokushada noma ukuqala umndeni. Zingaba ezincane futhi, njengokuhamba ndawonye noma ukuya esitolo. Esinye sezizathu ezenza ulahlekelwe yisoka lakho wukuthi usacabanga ngalezo zinhlelo, ufisa sengathi ngabe ziyingxenye yekusasa lakho.

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5. Izimfanelo eziyingqayizivele

Zona kanye izimfanelo zozakwethu ezisisondeza kubo ziba yizizathu zokuthi sibaphuthele uma bengekho. URuchi uthi, “Izimfanelo ezinjalo zingase zibe zabo umuzwa owomile wamahlaya, ukuqonda kwabo nokukhathalela kwabo, noma izici ezilula ezinjengomkhuba wabo wokukukhiphela u-ayisikhilimu ngemva kosuku olubi.”

6. Ukulawula ingcindezi

A cwaningo kufakazele ukuthi abesifazane bathola amazinga e-cortisol ehle kakhulu (ihomoni edala ukucindezeleka) ngemva kokwangiwa abalingani babo bothando. U-Ruchi uthi, “Ukuba nje nesoka lakho kungase kwehlise izinga lokucindezeleka kwabesifazane futhi kuthuthukise isimiso sabo sezinzwa.”

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7. Uhlelo lomvuzo

Konke ukusebenzelana okuhle nozakwethu wothando kungakha indlela yesistimu yokuklomelisa ingqondo. Ngakho-ke, uzohlala ulangazelela leyo nto 'yokuzizwa kahle' kamuva futhi. U-Ruchi uyachaza, "Noma yimuphi umsebenzi ojabulisayo nomuntu wakho okhethekile udala leyo ndlela yomvuzo we-dopamine engase yenze uyamkhumbula uma engasekho kuwe.”

Usho Kanjani Uma Kunempilo Ukukhumbula Isoka Lakho Kakhulu

Akudingekile ukuthi isoka lakho liyohlala kwelinye idolobha ukuze ulikhumbule njengohlanya. Njengo Umsebenzisi we-Reddit ikubeka: “Sihlala eduze futhi sibonana okungenani kanye ngesonto, ukungabi naye nokungabi khona kwakhe eduze kwami kungenza ngimkhumbule kakhulu.” Kodwa unempilo engakanani ephuthelwa umuntu ngokuqaphile?

Kanti unjani ukubhekana nokuhlukana kwenu noma isoka lakho lingekho? Ukhathazekile futhi ukhathazekile isikhathi esiningi? Ingabe ubuka kabusha uchungechunge lwakho lweNetflix oluyintandokazi olubuke nesoka lakho futhi nikhala njengoba nenza njalo? Noma ingabe ucwile obishini lokudla okungokomzwelo futhi udla u-ayisikhilimu nokudla okusheshayo ukuze nje uqede ukungabikho kwesoka lakho? Nokho, lezi ngezinye zezindlela zokubhekana nezimo ezingenampilo kanye nezimpawu zomzimba zokulahlekelwa othile omthandayo ezingase zikulimaze ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Ngosizo luka-Ruchi, sihlanganise ithebula elingezansi elizokusiza uqonde umehluko ekuziphatheni okunempilo nokungenampilo uma uphuthelwa yisoka lakho:

Ukuziphatha Okunempilo	Ukuziphatha Okungenampilo
1. Ngisho noma ukulinde ngabomvu ukuchitha isikhathi esihle nesoka lakho, uzokwazi ukugcina isimo esizolile, usebenze ngokuzimela, futhi ukhiqize.	1. Uyohlala ukhungathekile futhi uzozizwa ungenalutho. Ungase ubhekane nokukhathazeka ngokwehlukana kanye nezindaba zokwethembana futhi.
2. Ugcina ubuntu kanye nokukhula komuntu siqu, uphishekela izinto zokuzilibazisa, uphume nabangane, futhi usebenzise ukungabikho kwakhe ukwenza okuthile ukuze uzitholele ngokwakho/ukukhula.	2. Ungase uthembele kuye ngokweqile ukuze akuqinisekise, futhi kanjalo ungase ungazinaki izidingo zakho nezifiso zakho. Ubuwena buyochazwa ngobukhona bakhe.
3. Uzokhuluma ngemibono yakho, umethembe, futhi uvikeleke ngokomzwelo.	3. Uzomcupha, umngabaze, uhlale ukhathazekile, ukhathazeke ngokuthi uchitha nobani isikhathi. Ungase futhi ubonise ukuziphatha kokulawula nokukhohlisayo.
4. Uzokwazi ukubhekana nokungabi khona kwakhe ngendlela eyakhayo nekhulisayo. Ungase umtshele ukuthi umkhumbule kangakanani, lapho ebuya.	4. Nakuba uzolahlekelwa ukungabikho kwakhe, ungase ubonise izimpawu ze-micro-cheating (ukukhuluma noma ukuthumela abanye abantu imiyalezo). Lapho ebuya, ungase ugomele, ubelesele, noma ubonise ukuziphatha kokungenzi lutho.

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Ngakho-ke, njengoba usuzazi izimpendulo zokuthi, “Kungani ngilikhumbula kangaka isoka lami?”, ingabe usazabalaza ukudlula le mikhuba ethi 'thina'? Kulesi sigaba, sizokutshela ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze uma ukhumbula isoka lakho futhi sikusize ubhekane nesimo ngendlela enempilo. Kungaba isoka ebudlelwaneni bebanga elide olahlekile, i ex ufisa ukuthumela umbhalo noma thintana, noma isoka eliphumile edolobheni futhi likude nawe ngenxa yesimo esiphuthumayo.

Odinga ukukhumbula ukuthi ukuphulukiswa noma ukubhekana nalesi simo ngeke kube inqubo elandelanayo. Angeke futhi kube nohlu oluphelele lwazo zonke izinto ongazenza ukulungisa lesi simo. Kodwa esikhundleni sokuzizwa unesizungu futhi udabuke noma uzibuze, "Kungani ngikhumbula isoka lami kangaka, ngiyakhala", ungazama amathiphu angu-13 alandelayo aphakanyiswe uRuchi:

1. Hlala uxhumekile

Uma ubheka ukuthi usazwana nesoka lakho noma nisazwana ukulahlekelwa umlingani kude ubuhlobo, ungazama ukugcina uthintana njalo, ukuze tide phezu "I miss isoka lami" umuzwa. Yiqiniso, udinga ukugcina isimiso sakho somsebenzi engqondweni ngenkathi wenza kanjalo. U-Ruchi uphakamisa izindlela ezilandelayo zokuxhumana:

Ngemiyalezo yombhalo ye-lovey-dovey
Ihlela amakholi wevidiyo
Ukudlala imidlalo online
Ukuba nezingxoxo ezishisayo uma uphuthelwa ukuthinta ngokomzimba

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2. Ziphazamise

Uma ufisa ukubhekana nesihloko esithi "Kungani ngikhumbula isoka lami kangaka?" buza ngendlela enempilo, zama futhi uziphazamise ngokuzitika emisebenzini oyithandayo, esikhundleni sokulinda ukuthi afeze zonke izidingo zakho. Nakhu okusikiselwa ngu-Ruchi:

Chitha isikhathi esithile upheka ukudla okuthandayo
Jabulela umsebenzi wezemidlalo oyintandokazi
Chitha isikhathi ufunda

3. Ziveze

Uma ukhumbula isoka lakho elikude, zama futhi ulazise ngazo zonke izinto ezinhle akwenzele zona. U-Ruchi unomuzwa wokuthi, “Kubalulekile ukwazisa ubuhle bakho ngemizwa yakho. Mbonise ukuthi uyamkhathalela futhi umthande.” Lokhu kuzophula noma yiziphi izindonga ezingabonakali phakathi kwenu nobabili futhi kuvule indlela yokuhlangana okufudumele.

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4. Xhumana nenethiwekhi yokusekela

Ungakhohlwa abangani bakho nomndeni wakho uma ulahlekelwe umlingani wakho. U-Ruchi unomuzwa wokuthi, “Inethiwekhi yakho yabangane abaseduze namalungu omndeni angakunikeza isikhala sokusekela phakathi nalesi sigaba. Ngakho-ke, khuluma nabo, ujabulele ukuba nabo, futhi wakhe izibopho eziqinile nabo. Khumbula, akufanele ugweme obunye ubudlelwano bakho lapho utshalwe kumuntu othandana naye noma uphuthelwe ngabo.”

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UMandy engisebenza naye oneminyaka engu-24 waqala ukunganaki abangane bakhe ngemva nje kwalokho ukuqala ubudlelwano nesoka lakhe lamanje, uGeorge. Kodwa lapho uGeorge ethuthela kwelinye idolobha ukuze aphishekele iziqu, uMandy wazizwa enesizungu. Kungaleso sikhathi lapho abona khona ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuxhumana nomngane wakhe. “Kungani ngilikhumbula kangaka isoka lami?”, wayekhala, futhi abangane bakhe babelapho ngokubonga ukuze baqinisekise inhlalakahle yakhe lapho ebabiza ukuba bathulule isifuba sabo.

5. Gxila ekuzinakekeleni

Ngisho noma uphuthelwa isoka lakho, qiniseka ukuthi awuwunaki umzimba wakho kanye Impilo yengqondo. U-Ruchi uphakamisa amathiphu alandelayo wokuzinakekela ukuze uzisindise ekucindezelekeni ngokomzwelo futhi uqinisekise inhlalakahle yakho yonke:

Phumula ngokwanele
Yidla ukudla okunempilo
Chitha okungenani ihora ngosuku uzivocavoca
Gxila kumasu okuphumula, njenge-yoga nokuzindla
Hamba ngezinyawo ezide
Tshala imali ekwelapheni ngokubhucungwa

6. Bhala ijenali

Kuhlale kuwumqondo omuhle ukuveza imicabango yakho, uchaze indlela omkhumbula ngayo. U-Ruchi uyasikisela, “Kuwumqondo omuhle ukugcina ijenali ukuze ubhale ngokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo obhekene nakho.” Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuzola futhi kukuvumele uqondise imicabango yakho. Ungakwazi njalo ukufunda ijenali yakho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi ujabulele izinkumbulo ezithile.

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7. Thola injongo

Yonke imizwa yakho esigabeni esithi "Ngiyalikhumbula isoka lami" ingasetshenziswa kahle ukukusiza uthole injongo. U-Ruchi uthi, “Esikhundleni sokukhononda ngokuthi “Ngiyamkhumbula”, zitike ekuzihlaziyeni nasekuzihlolisiseni.” Gxila empilweni yakho nasezinjongweni zakho. Ngakho, ungakwazi:

Zinike isikhathi esengeziwe emsebenzini ukuze uthole lokho kunyuswa okudingekile kakhulu
Thola leso sitifiketi esizokusiza emsebenzini wakho
Faka imali eshabhu lokuzilungisa

8. Yenza izinto obukade ufuna ukuzenza

U-Ruchi unomuzwa wokuthi, “Esikhundleni sokuzibuza, “Kungani ngilikhumbula kangaka isoka lami lapho sihlukene?”, ungachitha lesi sikhathi ngokuhlakanipha, wenze izinto obukade ufuna ukuzenza kodwa obungenakuzenza ngenxa yokuthi etshaliwe ebudlelwaneni bakho.” Ngakho, ungakwazi:

Qedela incwadi obuhlose ukuyifunda
Bamba ifilimu obuhlele ukuyibuka isikhathi eside
Suka edolobheni ujabulele iholidi uwedwa

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9. Cabangelani imibono yokuhlanganisa yokusungula

Uma kwenzeka uphuthelwa yisoka lakho lebanga elide, ungasebenzisa leli gebe ngokuhlela ukuhlangana kabusha okunethezekile. Nayi eminye imibono evela ku-Ruchi:

Funa ukucabanga, imibono yosuku lothando
Thola izindawo zokudlela ezihamba phambili edolobheni ongayisa u-bae wakho lapho ebuya
Xoxisana ngemibono embalwa yokubaleka ngezimpelasonto kanye nezinhlelo zohambo
Hlela isimanga
Mbhalele incwadi efiphele

10. Gwema imizwa engemihle

Nakuba ukhumbula isoka lakho (ngisho noma ungakhulumi manje), zama ukugwema imizwa engemihle. Ngakho-ke, usengazitshela ukuthi, "Ngiyamkhumbula", kodwa:

Gwema noma yimuphi umdlalo wokusola
Yeka ukuzitika i-passive-aggressiv e ukuziphatha
Yeka ukwahlulela noma ukubhuqa
Gwema ukuthumela amazwibela ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
Gwema ukuba nomona ngempilo yakhe yomphakathi noma impumelelo

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11. Cabanga kabusha indlela yakho yokuxhumana

URuchi uthi, “Lesi futhi isikhathi esihle sokucabanga ngendlela okhuluma ngayo nesoka lakho.” Thola amaphutha, uma ekhona, futhi ugxile kuwo ukuxhumana kangcono.” Zibuze imibuzo, enjengokuthi:

Ingabe ngimgxeka kakhulu?
Bengimnika isikhathi esanele yini?
Ingabe sichitha isikhathi esanele sokufona noma ukuthumela imiyalezo?

12. Cabanga ngamandla obudlelwano benu

Ukuba kude nesoka lakho kuzokunika i-headspace ecacile ukuze ucabange lapho umi khona mayelana ne-equation yakho naye. Thola amaphutha uma ekhona bese wenza ngawo. Thola amandla futhi uwasebenzise ukuze qinisa ubudlelwano bakho. Yini eyenza nichofoze nobabili? Ingabe imigomo yakho owabelana ngayo noma uthando lwakho lwezinto zokuzilibazisa ezifanayo?

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13. Londoloza isimo sengqondo esihle

Cabanga ngendlela eyakhayo futhi ingxenye yezinkinga zakho izoxazululeka. Ngakho-ke, esikhundleni sokuchitha ubuchopho bakho futhi uzibuze ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze lapho uphuthelwa isoka lakho, zama futhi ulondoloze a isimo sengqondo esihle kanye nomqondo. Nansi indlela ongakwenza ngayo lokho:

Zama futhi ucabange ukuthi nizohlangana nini ngokulandelayo
Phinda ufunde izingxoxo zansuku zonke kanye nemibhalo ebonisa ngothando nejabulisayo enanana ngenkathi niqala ukuthandana
Sebenzisa amakha akhe ayintandokazi ukuze uzikhumbuze ngaye
Vakashela indawo yokudlela ayintandokazi futhi u-ode isidlo sakhe asithandayo

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile

Ukukhalela isoka lakho bese uthi “Ngiyamkhumbula” akukubi kangako kodwa kungaba yingozi empilweni yakho engokwengqondo nengokomzimba uma wenza ngokweqile.
Ezinye izizathu ezingenzeka zokuphuthelwa yisoka lakho kungaba: ukunamathelana ngokomzwelo, izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo, nemisebenzi ehlanganyelwe
Amacebiso ambalwa okubhekana nesimo esinjalo lapho uzibuza khona, “Kungani ngikhumbula isoka lami kangaka ngikhala?”, yilawa: ukuphazamisa, ukugxila ekuzinakekeleni, nokugwema imizwa engemihle.

Sizame ukukunikeza umhlahlandlela omfushane wokubhekana nemizwa yakho uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Kungani ngilikhumbula kangaka isoka lami uma sihlukene?” Futhi sethemba ukuthi awusazibuza ukuthi wenzeni uma ukhumbula isoka lakho! Khumbula, uma imizwa yakho ngaye iyiqiniso, kungokwemvelo ukumkhumbula lapho engekho. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi uzolahlekelwa nguwe ohlelweni.

Umaqondana, phela umuntu owengeza ubuntu bakho. Ungumuntu ophelele unaye noma ngaphandle kwakhe. Ngakho-ke, esikhundleni sokuthi uzitshele ukuthi, “Ngiyamkhumbula” futhi ungazinaki izidingo zakho, zama futhi ulinganise, gxila kokuhle, futhi ubheke phambili esikhathini eniyophinde nihlangane ngaso. Vumela inhliziyo yakho ikhule ngokujabula njalo ngomzuzwana omkhumbulayo!

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.