Ibanga Lemizwa: Incazelo, Izimbangela, Izimpawu, Nezindlela Zokulungisa

Ingabe uyalizwa igebe elikhulu phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho ngisho nalapho nisondelene ngokomzimba? Ingabe umlingani wakho ubonakala engenandaba nokuchitha isikhathi esihle? Ingabe bayakugwema ukusondelana? Ingabe izingxoxo zakho eziningi zigxile ezintweni ezingokoqobo - imisebenzi, amashejuli, imisebenzi yasekhaya? Ingabe kuzwakala sengathi usukhathele izihloko okufanele uxoxe ngazo? Uma impendulo yale mibuzo ingu-yebo, khona-ke kungenzeka ukuthi isibopho sakho sihlushwa kude ngokomzwelo.

UDkt. Jacqueline Olds, udokotela wezifo zengqondo kanye nomhlaziyi wezifo zengqondo, uthi ku- Harvard Gazette , “Unesimo esifana nokusondelana nokuhlukana, ukusondelana nokuhlukana [ebudlelwaneni]… Futhi kufanele ube nomuntu oyedwa onesixwayiso sebanga ukuze aqaphele ukuhlukana ukuze kube nokuxhumana kabusha.” Futhi siyajabula ukuthi ushayele isixwayiso.

Akunakwenzeka ukujwayelana nomlingani wakho ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kodwa-ke, ukusebenza ndawonye ukuze niphinde nixhumane ngemva kwezikhathi zokungaxhumani kubalulekile ukuze ubudlelwano busebenze. Uma lokhu kungenzeki njalo, khona-ke kunenkinga. Ukuze siqonde izimbangela, izimpawu, nokuthi singalungisa kanjani ibanga elingokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, sixoxe no- Avantika Tripathi . Ugxile ekukhathazekeni komphakathi, ekulawuleni ukucindezeleka, ekucabangeni, kanye nokwelulekwa kobudlelwano ngokusebenzisa ukwelashwa okunengqondo okungokomzwelo kanye nokugxile kumuntu.

Liyini Ibanga Lemizwa?

Ngaphambi kokuba sifinyelele ezimbangela nezimpawu zebanga elingokomzwelo emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni, ake siqonde incazelo yaleli gama. U-Avantika uyachaza, “Ibanga elingokomzwelo yisimo lapho abalingani beqala ukuhlukana. Ngezinye izikhathi, abazi ngisho nokuthi baqhelelene ngokomzwelo. Bakubona kuphela lapho izingxabano ziba zimbi futhi zisobala.”

Ngamafuphi, ibanga elingokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni libhekisela esimweni lapho ukusondelana ngokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani kuba buthaka noma kuba nzima. Kubonakaliswa yilokhu:

• Umuzwa wokuhlukana
• Ukuntula ukusondelana nokusondelana ngokomzwelo
• Izingqinamba Zokuxhumana
• Izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe
• Izingcindezi zomuntu siqu
• Ezinye izinguquko ezibalulekile ku-dynamics yomuntu siqu

Lokhu kukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo kwenzeka noma kukhula kancane, okwenza kube lula ukunganaki kuze kube yilapho igebe likhulu. Kunezizathu ezihlukahlukene zaleli banga elingokwengqondo, ezinye zihlobene nomlingani wakho kanti ezinye zihlobene nawe. Ukuyivumela ukuthi iqhubeke ebudlelwaneni akunampilo. Kungakho ukuqonda ukuqhelelana ngokomzwelo kanye nezimbangela zakho kubalulekile.

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Yini Edala Ibanga Lemizwa Ebudlelwaneni?

U-Avantika uthi, “Kunezizathu eziningi ezingenza abalingani bazizwe behlukene ngokomzwelo. Ukungazikhandla ekubopheni, ukubalekela izinkinga, kanye nokungafuni ukuxazulula izingxabano zobudlelwano kuyizinto ezivamile. Kungavela futhi ngenxa yezinkinga zansuku zonke zokuphila ezifana nezinkinga zomsebenzi kanye nezezimali, okubangela ukucindezeleka kobudlelwano.”

Ibanga elingokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside noma umshado livame ukukhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Nakuba kuyisimo esivamile, ukuqonda izimbangela kungasiza imibhangqwana ibone futhi ixazulule izinkinga ezivame kakhulu ngaphambi kokuba ziholele ezinseleleni ezingenakulungiseka. Nazi izimbangela ezimbalwa ezijwayelekile zokuqhelelana ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside:

1. Uhlale unengcindezi

"Izici zangaphandle ezifana nokucindezeleka komsebenzi, ingcindezi yezezimali, noma izinkinga zomndeni zingaba nomthelela ekucindezelekeni ngokomzwelo, okuholela ekude phakathi kwabalingani. Izikhathi eziningi, omunye umlingani kungenzeka ukuthi kakade ubhekene nezinkinga ezibangela ukucindezeleka, noma ngisho nokudangala, okuholela ekuntuleni intshiseko yokufaka umzamo kunoma yini ehlanganisa ubuhlobo. Lokhu kungase futhi kubangele ibanga elingokomzwelo phakathi kwabantu ababili," kusho u-Avantika.

Kwenzekani uma ucindezelekile ngaso sonke isikhathi?

• Ukucindezeleka okungamahlalakhona kungaba nomthelela omubi empilweni yakho engokomzimba kanye nempilo engokomzwelo
• Kudla ikhwalithi yobudlelwano benu futhi akushiyi indawo ukusondelana ngokomzwelo
• Umzimba wakho uhlale uqaphile noma ukumodi yokulwa noma yokundiza
• Ukuziqhelelanisa nomuntu omthandayo kuba umkhuba nendlela yokuphila uma uhlezi ucindezelekile

Exoxa ngeklayenti ngendaba, u-Avantika uthi, "Muva nje, iklayenti belizizwa likude ebudlelwaneni. Likhulume ngengcindezi ekhona empilweni yalo nasemsebenzini wozakwabo nendlela elizama ngayo yonke indlela ukwenza ubudlelwano busebenze, naphezu kwebanga elingokomzwelo eliphakathi kwabo. Kuthathe izinyanga ezintathu ezigcwele ukubasondeza ngokomzwelo futhi ukulenza lazi kakhudlwana ukuthi lingavala kanjani igebe phakathi kwalo uma lihlehla."

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2. Kuphakathi kokuthi uswele kakhulu noma ukude kakhulu

Ebudlelwaneni, umbono wokuthi uzakwenu uswele kakhulu noma ukude kakhulu ungaqala umjikelezo ononya. Kubukeka kanjena:

• Ekuqaleni, ukuswela kozakwethu kubangela ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo noma ukugwenywa
• Lokhu kuholela ezidingweni ezeqisayo zezincazelo
• Lokhu kuphusha nokudonsa kubangela ukuhlukaniswa kwemizwa okwengeziwe
• Ekugcineni, umlingani uyahoxa ngokuphelele, esaba ukugxekwa okwengeziwe
• Lokhu kuhoxa kukhulisa ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo, kube nomthelela emjikelezweni wokugxeka nokunganeliseki.
• Lokhu kuphusha ozakwethu kude nakakhulu

Ukukhathazeka okuvela ekushintsheni kobudlelwano kungabuyisa izinkumbulo zamanxeba noma ukuhlukumezeka okujulile, ikakhulukazi kulabo abanomlando wezinkinga zokunamathelana noma ubudlelwano obungebuhle besikhathi esidlule. Uma umkakho noma umyeni wakho ebonakala ekude noma ukhathazekile ngokuthi umlingani wakho uzohlukana noma ubulokhu uzama ukuziqhelelanisa nomuntu okuphathe kabi, imizamo yokubuyisa lolo budlelwano ingaholela ekuhoxeni okwengeziwe, ngaleyo ndlela ibangele ukuqhelelana okukhulu ngokomzwelo.

3. Kukhona ukungqubuzana okungaxazululeki nokugxekana ebudlelwaneni

Ebudlelwaneni, kungokwemvelo ukungazazisi zonke izici zomlingani wakho. Kodwa-ke, ukumgxeka ngezimfanelo ezikubekela inselele kusho izinkinga ezijulile zobudlelwano futhi kungaholela ezinkingeni zokuzethemba futhi kulimaze ukunamathelana kwakho ngokomzwelo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyanikeza noma uthola ukugxekwa. Ubuhlobo obuhle buyachuma ngokuqaphela izici ezinhle zomlingani wakho kodwa futhi kumnikeza indawo ephephile yokubhekana nezinselelo ndawonye.

Esinye isici salokhu ukungqubuzana okungaxazululiwe okwakha ukungezwani, okunomthelela ekuqheleni ngokomzwelo. Ngakho-ke uma uzizwa unqanyuliwe ebudlelwaneni, noma ulwa nemizwa efana nokuthi “umyeni wami akatholakali ngokomzwelo” noma “mina nomkami siyaqhela ngokuhlukana”, kungase kube ngenxa yokungabaza kwakho ukuhlanganyela ezingxoxweni ezivulekile mayelana nezihloko ezibucayi. Nakhu okufingqiwe kwalokho okuhlukanisa ukwethembana futhi kudala imigoqo ekuxhumaneni ngokomzwelo:

• Izingxabano nezingxabano ezingaxazululiwe noma eziqhubekayo
• Ubuhlungu obudlule
• Ukugxeka njalo okungakhi
• Ukugxeka okusebenzayo okubekela inselele izinkolelo eziyinhloko

Ungabona ukuthi ukungahlanganyeli ngokomzwelo kubangela kanjani ubudlelwano obunobuthi obunamandla, okuholela ekuhoxisweni okwengeziwe ngokomzwelo. Kubonisa umjikelezo ononya wezinkinga ezijulile zobudlelwane.

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4. Ukunqanyulwa kwemizwelo kungase kubonise ukuthi unezinkinga ezinkulu zokusebenzisana

Esinye isizathu sokuthi ungaba kude nomuntu omthandayo ukungahambisani. Nansi indlela elidala ngayo ibanga lemizwa:

• Ukulahlekelwa ukwazi: Lapho ukungezwani okuningi kuqhubeka, abalingani bangase bakuthole kuyinselele ukulondoloza ukusondelana ngokomzwelo ababekuzwa ngaphambili
• Isizungu: Ukuqaphela ukuthi izidingo ezibalulekile noma okulindelwe akuhlangatshezwana nazo noma umbhangqwana awufani kahle kungase kubangele imizwa yokukhungatheka nesizungu.
• Ukudideka nokuntuleka kozwela: Ozakwethu bangase babhekane nobunzima bokuqondana, mayelana nokukhetha kanye nemibono

I-chemistry yokuqala ivame ukushayela imibhangqwana eminingi ebuhlotsheni obungathi sina, kodwa njengoba into entsha iphela, ukungafani ezicini ezithile kungase kuvele, njenge:

• Imigomo
• Izindinganiso
• Ukulindela Izinto
• Ukuphila
• Izilimi zothando
• Isitayela sokuxhumana

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, izinkinga ezinjalo zokungahambisani zithinta isibopho somzwelo phakathi kwabalingani, okwenza kube nzima ukugcina ukusondelana.

5. Kunezinkinga ezinkulu zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni

U-Avantika uthi, “Ukuntuleka kokukhulumisana kungase kubangele ukuntula ukusondelana futhi kungenye yezimbangela ezivame kakhulu zokuqhelelana ngokomzwelo. Kungaba yisizathu sokuthi umkakho noma umyeni wakho abonakale ekude noma ubuziqhelelanisa nomuntu omthandayo.

Qaphela lezi zindlela zokuxhumana:

• Ukulalela okusebenzayo okunganele
• Ukuntula ukuveza imizwelo
• Ukugwema izingxoxo ezinzima
• Ukungasichithi isikhathi ndawonye
• Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana noma umehluko wesitayela sokuxhumana nakho kungaholela ekungaqondini phakathi kwabalingani

Izinkinga ezinjalo zinezela ekungagcwalisekeni kwezidingo ezingokomzwelo. Uma umlingani ezizwa engezwakali noma engaqondwa kahle, angase ahoxe ngokomzwelo ukuze agweme ukukhungatheka okwengeziwe noma ukudumazeka. Le phethini yokungasebenzi kahle ikhuthaza ibanga elingokomzwelo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, okuholela ezindabeni ezibalulekile ezingase zibonise isidingo someluleki wobudlelwano.

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Izimpawu Eziyisi-7 Ezethusayo Zebanga Lomzwelo Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Manje njengoba sesikhulume ngezimbangela zokuqhelelana ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, ake sikhulume ngokuthi ungazibona kanjani izimpawu zokuqala. Ukuqaphela izimpawu zebanga elingokomzwelo kubalulekile ekuxazululeni izinkinga eziwumsuka nokusebenza ebuhlotsheni obunempilo. Nazi izinkomba ezi-7 ezishaqisayo okungenzeka ukuthi uhlangabezana nokudonsa emoyeni kusibopho sakho sothando:

1. Kukhona ukuntuleka kokusondelana ngokomzimba nothando

U-Avantika uyachaza, “Olunye lwezimpawu obuzizwa uqhelelene nazo kungase kube ukuphelelwa ukusondelana nokuthandana. Lapho abantu ababili bengakhangi noma bengenakho ukubonisana kothando, okungenani oyedwa umlingani uyozizwa engajabule ngakho. Futhi lokhu kuzophumela ezindabeni zebanga nokusondelana ebuhlotsheni babo.”

Izinselele ekusondeleni ngokomzwelo zihlobene kakhulu nobunzima ekusondeleni ngokomzimba nasekuthandweni. Ubudlelwano bokubambisana phakathi kokusondelana ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba buyaphazamiseka lapho ibanga elingokomzwelo lingena esilinganisweni. Ukuxhumana okwakukade kunamandla kungase kunciphe. Izinkulumo zothando, uma sezikhulunywa ngokukhululekile, zingase ziphele - uphawu olucacile lokuhlukana ngokomzwelo.

Nawa amaphethini okuziphatha angabonisa ukungakhululeki noma ukucasuka, egcizelela ukuxhumana kwangaphakathi phakathi kokuxhumana ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo:

• Impilo yocansi exakayo
• Ukuntuleka kokuthinta inhliziyo
• Ukugwema ukuthinta ngokomzimba
• Ukuhlehla ngenxa yokuqabula
• Ukuhoxiswa ngesikhathi sokwanga
• Ukungabi bikho kokuthi "Ngiyakuthanda"

2. Uma usothandweni olukude ngokomzwelo, izidingo zakho azihlangabezwa

Ibanga elingokomzwelo liletha izinselele ekwamukeleni, ukuveza, nokufeza izidingo zomunye nomunye. Lokho kuwuthinta kanjani umbhangqwana? Asibone:

• Ukucasuka: Ubhekana nokungaboni ngaso linye emizamweni yokuhlangabezana nezidingo zomunye nomunye okuvame ukuholela emizweni ukucasuka ebudlelwaneni
• Izilingo: Uqala ukufuna ukugcwaliseka kwezidingo zomzimba nezingokomzwelo ngaphandle kobudlelwano. Ibanga elingokomzwelo ngemva kokungathembeki linzima ukulilungisa
• Okulindelekile okungafani: Lokhu kubangelwa ukungezwani okungaxoxiswana, okunomthelela nakakhulu kule nkinga
• Ukunganaki: Umlingani wakho uhlale ebeka izidingo zakhe kuqala kunezakho, ekhombisa ukukukhathalela okuncane ngenhlalakahle yakho

U-Avantika uthi, “Lapho abalingani abakude ngokomzwelo beqala ukungazinaki izidingo zomunye nomunye, kungase kuphumele ekudumaleni buthule.

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3. Anixoxeli ngemizwa yenu noma izinkathazo zenu

Ubungumuntu umlingani wakho owabelana naye ngakho konke, kodwa manje ugcina imizwa yakhe kuye. Uma ubuza, akuvuli. Futhi kubonakala sengathi bakufihlela ngamabomu imizwa yabo, bakwenze uzizwe ungakhululekile. Uma wena noma umlingani wakho nigwema ukukhuluma ngemizwa nezinkathazo zenu, kuwuphawu lokuqhelelana ngokomzwelo futhi kungaholela ekungaqondini nasekucabangeni ngemicabango nezenzo zomunye nomunye.

4. Kubukeka sengathi awusathandi ubudlelwano

Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ekwakheni ubudlelwano, abantu basebenzisa ukuziveza ukuze bandise ukusondelana ngobubanzi (inani lezihloko), ukujula (izinga lokusondelana ekusebenzelaneni), kanye nenqubo yokubuyiselana (lapho ophendulayo ebophekile ukudalula okuthile ezingeni elifanayo lokusondelana ukuze alondoloze inqubo noma ukulingana).

Ngakho-ke, uma umlingani wakho ebonakala engenandaba nokuphila kwenu, lokho kubonisa ukuqhelelana ngokomzwelo. Uma lokhu kufuna ukwazi kuncipha, kuyinkathazo njengoba ubuhlobo obuhle buhilela kokubili uthando kanye nobungane. Izinkinga zobudlelwano zibonakala ngezindlela ezilandelayo:

• Ukudebeselela ukuba nesithakazelo empilweni yomlingani wakho, ngaleyo ndlela kulimaze isisekelo sobungani benu
• Izingxoxo zohlangothi olulodwa
• Imizamo yokuchitha isikhathi esiyikhwalithi ndawonye iyagwenywa
• Umuzwa okhulayo wokuzihlukanisa
• Ukugwema izingxoxo
• Ukuhoxa emisebenzini eyabiwe ngaphambilini
• Ukungabaza ukuhlela ikusasa ndawonye

5. Awunakho ukwesekwa nozwela lomlingani wakho

Lapho ufuna ukunakwa umlingani wakho futhi uveza imizwa yakho ngokudinwa noma ngezinyembezi, ukuba ndikindiki kwabo okusobala kungakwenza uzizwe ungabalulekile. Kepha yini eholela kulesi sigaba esedlulele lapho ufuna ukunaka kwabo ngale ndlela?

Uzwela, ukuqonda, kanye nokwabelana ngemizwa yomunye nomunye kubalulekile kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano. Ukungabikho kozwela kubonisa ukuwohloka kokuxhumana ngokomzwelo , okuveza ukungakwazi noma ukungathandi komlingani ukuqonda imizwa yakho. Lokhu kuntuleka kokutshala imali ngokomzwelo kungaholela ekusweleni kokusekelwa, okushiye bobabili abantu bezizwa behlukanisiwe futhi benganakwa ngokomzwelo ezikhathini ezinzima.

Empeleni, isisekelo sobudlelwano obunempilo sincike ekunakekeleni inhlalakahle yomunye nomunye. U-Avantika uthi, “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubuhlobo noma umshado, uma abangane bomshado bengabambisani omunye nomunye ezimweni ezibalulekile zokuphila, kungase kuphumele ekuqheleleni okungathi sína ngokomzwelo nokulimala, ngokuvamile okulandelwa umuzwa wokuphelelwa ithemba nokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo.”

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6. Izimpawu ezijwayelekile zokuqhelelana ngokomzwelo: Ugwema ukungqubuzana nezingxoxo ezinzima

Ibanga elingokomzwelo livame ukuvela ezingxabanweni ezingaxazululiwe. Ungase ufune ukulungisa ukungqubuzana nokungavumelani ebudlelwaneni bakho, kodwa bheka ukuthi ingabe umlingani wakho usabela ngenye yalezi zindlela ezilandelayo:

• Babonakala bengenantshisekelo ekuxazululeni
• Abathukuthele noma bakhungathekile, abanandaba nje
• Uma uzama ukuxoxa ngezinkinga, baphendula ngokububula noma ngokukhipha amehlo

Ukungqubuzana kuvamile ebudlelwaneni, kodwa okunempilo kuhilela ukuvumelana kanye nesixazululo. Ukukhulumisana okuvulekile kudala ukwethembana nokuqondana, futhi uma kuntuleka, ngisho nezinkinga ezincane zinganqwabelana. Ngakho-ke uma umlingani oyedwa egwema izingxoxo ezinzima, kuwuphawu lokuqhelelana ngokomzwelo.

7. Uchitha isikhathi esiningi uwedwa noma uhlukene

Ubudlelwano bungaba inkimbinkimbi, budinga ingxube efanele yesikhathi ndawonye futhi ngokuhlukana. Uma ubona ukuthi wena nophathina wakho nichitha isikhathi esiningi nihlukene noma ninodwa, kungase kubhekisele kude emoyeni. Ebudlelwaneni obunakekelayo, abantu ngokwemvelo bafuna:

• Yibani ndawonye
• Yabelanani izikhathi eziningi ndawonye
• Qalisa izingcingo
• Sebenzisa izingxoxo zevidiyo ukuze uzizwe useduze
• Thumela imiyalezo komunye nomunye

Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni obude. Uma kukhona ibanga elingokomzwelo, abalingani bangase bakhethe isikhathi sodwa kunokwabelana ngolwazi, okuholela esikhathini esingesihle ndawonye. Ukukhetha imisebenzi yomuntu ngamunye noma ukwenza izaba zokugwemana kuqinisa igebe elingokomzwelo, okubangela imizwa yokuzihlukanisa kanye nesizungu ebudlelwaneni.

Ungalinqoba Kanjani Ibanga Lomzwelo?

Eminye imibhangqwana ikuthola kuzuzisa ukubheka ubuhlobo bayo njengochungechunge 'lwezinkathi' esikhundleni sohambo oluqhubekayo. Lo mbono unikeza umbono omusha futhi uvimbela iziphetho ezisheshayo mayelana nesiphetho sobudlelwano. Ukubona ukuthi isizini entsha isiseduze kunciphisa ukujaha ukuxazulula izinkinga ngokushesha futhi kuvumela ozakwethu ukuthi bathathe izinyathelo ezinengqondo ngendlela eqondile.

Ibanga elingokomzwelo likhula kancane kancane, ngakho kudinga isikhathi nomzamo ukuxhuma kabusha. Ukubhekana nale nkinga kuzodinga umzamo nokuzibophezela kini nobabili. Ukuba kude nomlingani wakho kungaba yisigaba esijwayelekile, kodwa kunezindlela zokumsondeza. Bheka lawa maqhinga okuthi ungalilungisa kanjani ibanga elingokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni:

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1. Zihlole bese uzama ukuthola umsuka webanga elingokomzwelo

Zindla ngemizwa yakho nezidingo zakho ebudlelwaneni. Ingabe zikhona izinkinga ezibangela izinsolo noma ukungazethembi noma ukukhungatheka kwakho? Uma usuhlonze umsuka webanga elingokomzwelo, ungaqala izinyathelo zokwakha kabusha isibopho somzwelo, njengoba bobabili abalingani bezibophezele. Lokhu kungase kuhlanganise:

• Ukuzinika isikhathi ezingxoxweni ezizuzisayo
• Ukubamba iqhaza emisebenzini ehlanganyelwe
• Ebonisa ukwazisa komunye nomunye
• Ukuphuma ngezinsuku
• Ukwenza imisebenzi yasendlini Ndawonye

U-Allen Barton, ohola ucwaningo lwango-2023 , uthi ukubonga “kuyinto ebalulekile empikiswaneni yobudlelwano bothando engakatholi ukunakwa okukhulu ezifundweni zocwaningo kuze kube muva nje. Futhi ebudlelwaneni obuseduze, akukhona nje ukwazisa ‘ngo’ umlingani wakho kodwa futhi nokuzizwa ukwaziswa ‘ngu’ umlingani wakho.”

2. Funa ukwelashwa kwabashadile ukuze ubhekane nobuhlobo obukude ngokomzwelo

U-Avantika uyachaza, "Ukwelashwa kungakusiza ukuthi uqale ukuqaphela izinkinga ezibangela ukuqhelelana ngokomzwelo nokuthi yini ongayenza ukuze unqobe inkinga. Kuzokusiza uqonde izinto kangcono futhi kukugcwalise ngombono oqondile kanye nogqozi lokuxazulula inkinga. Ukwelashwa Ngamuntu, Ukuvula Ukuziphatha, CBT, kanye nokwelashwa okuzungeza ukwelulekwa kombhangqwana ekunciphiseni futhi kusize ukuxazulula izinkinga eziningi."

Ukuhlola ukwelashwa kwemibhangqwana noma i-psychology yezokwelapha kungaba usizo olukhulu. Umeluleki wombhangqwana angasiza ekwembuleni izizathu zebanga elingokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni benu futhi ancome izivivinyo zokuxhumana komuntu siqu, okudala amathuba oku:

• Umthelela omuhle ohlala njalo
• Ukuthuthukisa amakhono okuxhumana
• Ukuqinisa isibopho
• Ukuthuthukisa imizwa yokuqonda kanye nothando
• Inqubo yokuphulukisa ebushelelezi yenu nobabili, ngabanye futhi ndawonye

Uma ubhajwe esimweni esifanayo, ungaxhumana nephaneli ye-Bonobology yabelaphi abanelayisensi nabanolwazi ukuze uthole usizo.

3. Yiba nengxoxo evulekile nethembekile

U-Avantika uyachaza, “Ukuxhumana kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nokwelapha nokuqhelelana ngokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani.Khuluma kakhulu, futhi ngendlela lapho ubonisa khona ukukhathalela futhi umlingani wakho ezwa ezwakala futhi ebonwa.Ngokuvamile, lapho umuntu engazizwa ebonwa noma engezwa, uthatha igxathu elihlehla ngokwengqondo, lapho engabelani ngalokho akuzwayo ngayo yonke i-equation.

UMel, umfundi we-Bonobology oneminyaka engu-29 wase-Utah, wabelane ngalokho abakwenzile ukuze baphulukise futhi bakhuthaze ukubopha ngokomzwelo emshadweni wabo, “ Umyeni wami ohlala kude kakhulu wayevame ukuzizwa ekhululekile kakhulu ukusuka ezinkingeni. Ngale ndlela, waziqhelelanisa kakhulu. Kancane kancane, safunda ukukhuluma ngendlela lapho sasizimisele ukunaka khona omunye nomunye. Safunda ngemibono yethu ngendlela entsha ngokuphelele.”

Uma ubhekene nenkinga yokuthi “umyeni wami akatholakali ngokomzwelo” njengoMel, esikhundleni sokucabangela, zama:

• Vula ukuxhumana nozakwenu
• Yabelana ngemizwa yakho nokukukhathazayo ngendlela ezolile nengaphikisani
• Sebenzani ekwakheni kabusha ukwethembana ndawonye
• Yibani obala futhi nizinikele komunye nomunye

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4. Faka umzamo futhi ubonise isithakazelo esisebenzayo ukuze ulungise isibopho

Ngokusho kuka-Avantika, “Ngokuvamile, lapho abalingani bengabonisi isithakazelo ekufundeni ngezimpilo zomunye nomunye, kungadala ibanga elide. Ngakho-ke, zama ukwazi ngezici ezihlukahlukene zokuphila kwabo njengokukhula, ukwehluleka, injabulo nokudabuka. Lokhu kuzosiza bobabili abalingani bathole ukusondelana okulahlekile nokuba nethemba emuva ebuhlotsheni.

Uyachaza, “Izikhathi eziningi, abantu bamane bayeke ukufaka umzamo ebudlelwaneni , becabanga ukuthi bungazimela futhi bukhule bodwa, yingakho ibanga lizongena ngamandla akho. Khumbula, ukwenza umzamo kuwuphawu lokuthi usamkhathalela umlingani wakho okude ngokomzwelo.”

5. Gxila emigomweni yakho futhi uzinakekele

Gcina ibhalansi ezenzweni zakho futhi ugweme ukubonakala ulangazelela kakhulu ukufinyelela ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo okufisayo. Ukudala isikhala ebudlelwaneni kubalulekile. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukubonisa ukuphelelwa yithemba kungasunduza umlingani wakho kude. Gxila ekukhuleni komuntu siqu kanye nezintshisekelo zakho ngenkathi uvumela isikhathi sokudlala indima yako.

Ukuzimela empeleni kungasondeza wena nomlingani wakho. Uma umlingani wakho ebona ukuthi ugxile kakhulu kuye noma ezifisweni zakhe, kungase kubonakale sengathi udebeselela izidingo zakho. Ngisho noma omunye wakho obalulekile ekude ngokomzwelo, nikeza isikhathi semisebenzi oyithandayo futhi ulwele ukufeza izinhloso zakho siqu. Umlingani wakho uzokujabulela ukubona amandla akho aziqondise kanye neqiniso lokuthi awuncikile kakhulu kuye.

"Izici zangaphandle ziyohlale zithinta ikhwalithi yobuhlobo. Wonke umbhangqwana uhamba ibanga elingokomzwelo empilweni yabo okungenani kanye. Akunakugwenywa ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene. Kodwa lapho abalingani bephethe ingqondo yokuxazulula izinkinga, bangakwazi ukunqoba noma yiliphi ibanga elifika phakathi kwabo, "u-Avantika uphetha imibono yakhe mayelana nendlela yokulungisa ibanga elingokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni.

Khumbula nje lokhu: Ibanga elingokomzwelo emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni, uma linganakwa, lingabangela umonakalo omkhulu. Nakuba ukubhekana nalo kungaba yinselele futhi kudle isikhathi, akusho ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile . Uma okwamanje ubhekene nebanga elingokomzwelo, ukulinda ukuthi lizixazulule kungase kungabi yindlela ephumelela kakhulu. Ukuthola ibhalansi phakathi kokunamathelana ngokomzwelo nokulondoloza ukuzimela kuyisihluthulelo sesibopho sothando.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.