Ukuhlukana akukaze kube mnandi. Usizi, ubuhlungu, izinyembezi, ukungalali ebusuku, izikhathi zokuzitika ngokudla nokuphuza konke kuyinkomba yokuthi inhliziyo yakho isesimweni sokuhlupheka. Kodwa-ke, uma ubeka ukusabela kwendoda vs owesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana ngaphansi kwesithwebuli, uzobona umehluko ophawulekayo endleleni bobabili ubulili abasabela ngayo ekuhlukumezekeni kwenhliziyo.
Akukhona ukuthi omunye uzwa ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo ngaphezu komunye. Ayikho phela indlela yokulinganisa izinga lobuhlungu umuntu abuzwayo ngenkathi inhliziyo yakhe igaya izibozi. Umehluko phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana usendleleni lobu buhlungu obubonakala ngayo.
Uke wazama ukuchaza indlela yokuziphatha kwabesifazane ngemuva kokuhlukana futhi wazibuza ukuthi kungani ebonakala enganakiwe ngokushesha okungaka? Noma ulahlekelwe ukuthula kwengqondo ngenxa yokuthi kungani ekude kangaka? Sikhona nezimpendulo.
Indoda vs Woman Ngemva kokuhlukana - 8 Umehluko Obalulekile
Okuqukethwe
Ukuhlukana njalo kushiya izinga elithile lomonakalo ekuvukeni kwakho. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi akekho umuntu ongena ebudlelwaneni elindele ukuthi buphele ngelinye ilanga. Ngokuvamile kunalokho, ithemba liwukuthi uzothola injabulo yakho njalo ngemva komlingani wakho.
Ngakho-ke, uqhubeka nokutshala isikhathi sakho esiningi, imizamo kanye nemizwelo ekukhuliseni ubuhlobo bakho nomlingani wakho. Khona-ke, konke kususwa ngokuphazima kweso, kukushiye nembobo evulekile enhliziyweni nasempilweni yakho. Yiqiniso, lokho kuzokuhlaba OKUNINGI.
Nakuba ubuhlungu bungase bufike endaweni yonke, kusasele umehluko ophawulekayo phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana. Isibonelo, bheka nje ukuthi yibuphi ubulili okungenzeka ukuthi buhlukane. Ucwaningo ikhombisa ukuthi abesifazane banamathuba aphindwe kabili okuqeda ubuhlobo obubi noma obungagcwalisi.
Lo mehluko ekubukeni uthwala kahle esigabeni sangemva kokuhlukana, okuthinta ubuhlungu, ukuphulukiswa nokuqhubeka nenqubo. Ngokwesibonelo, amadoda angase aphendukele ekuziphuzeleni kaningi kunabesifazane. Lokhu futhi kungaba yisizathu esenza eminye imizwa yabo ibambezeleke njengoba bebematasa kakhulu benakekela i-hangover embi. Ukuziphatha kwabesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana kungase kungamboni ngempela ukuthi uphuza ubuhlungu nsuku zonke, nakuba abantu abaningi bezitika kanye ngezikhathi ezithile.
Izigaba zokuhlukana komfana nentombazane zingakutshela okuningi uma uzama ukwenza umqondo wokuthi umngane wakho noma owayekade eshade naye usabela kanjani ekuhlukaneni. Nakuba uma uqhathanisa nawe, izenzo zabo zingase zibonakale zihluke kakhulu, emakhanda abo, konke abakwenzayo kunengqondo. Ake sibhekisise amadoda angu-8 abalulekile uma eqhathaniswa nabesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana kokuhlukana okufanele sikuqonde:
1. I-Pain quotient ngemva kokuhlukana
Amadoda: Kancane
Abesifazane: Okuningi
Ucwaningo okwenziwa yi-University College yaseLondon kanye naseBinghamton University eNew York kubonisa ukuthi abesifazane babuzwa ubuhlungu bokuhlukana kakhulu kunabesilisa. Eqinisweni, ubuhlungu abukho nje obungokomzwelo kodwa bungabonakala nasemzimbeni.
Ngakho-ke uma owesifazane ethi uyahlangabezana ubuhlungu benhliziyo ngenxa yokuhlukana, kungenzeka ukuthi empeleni uzizwa engakhululekile endaweni. I-psychology yabesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana ingase ikhathazeke kakhulu ngoba abesifazane bavame ukutshala imali eningi ebudlelwaneni kunozakwabo besilisa. Umbhali oholayo wocwaningo uhlobanisa lokhu kuthambekela nokuziphendukela kwemvelo.
Emuva osukwini, ukuhlangana okufushane kwezothando kungasho izinyanga eziyisishiyagalolunye zokukhulelwa kanye nesibopho sokuphila konke sokubeletha kowesifazane. Nokho, imithetho efanayo yayingasebenzi endodeni. Njengoba noma yibuphi ubuhlobo obungase bube nomthelela omkhulu ekusaseni lethu, abesifazane banamathela kakhulu futhi batshale imali ebuhlotsheni.
Uma usohlelweni lokuqopha ukuziphatha kowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana, ubuhlungu abuzwayo ngokushesha ngemva kokuhlukana yibo kakhulu azobuzwa. Into engcono kakhulu ngesayensi yengqondo yamantombazane ngemva kokuhlukana ukuthi ubuhlungu abufiki ngamandla ahlukene, ngokuvamile buqala phezulu futhi buqale ukuncipha, kuye ngokuthi ungakanani umsebenzi owakhayo owenziwa owesifazane ukuze aqhubeke.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, emadodeni, ubuhlungu obusheshayo bokuhlukana buphansi. I-psychology yesilisa ngemva kokuhlukana ingaba eyokuhoxa esimweni ukugwema ubuhlungu. Kulapho-ke umqondo wokuthi ukuhlukana kuthinta abafana kamuva uvela khona. Ukubalekela izinhlungu kulula kakhulu kunokubhekana nokwamukela imizwa yakho, nokuyinto amadoda angafundiswanga ukuyenza emphakathini wethu. Ngakho-ke uma ubuzibuza ukuthi ubani othatha ukuhlukana kanzima, okungenani esiteji ngokushesha ngemva kwalokho, abesifazane bagcina belimala kakhulu.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukubaluleka kokushisa amabhuloho ngemva kokuhlukana
2. Ukufuna ukusekelwa kwabathandekayo
Amadoda: Phansi
Abesifazane: Phezulu
Enye indoda ebalulekile vs owesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana kokwehlukana ukuzimisela kwabo ukuphumela obala ngakho futhi babelane ngobungozi babo ngisho nabantu abasembuthanweni wabo wangaphakathi. Umuntu angase abe uphuthelwe ubudlelwano bakhe, kodwa usazoba novalo lokucela uxhaso kubantu abaseduze kwakhe. UTracy noJonathan babethandana iminyaka engu-6, ababehlala ndawonye iminyaka engu-4. Nokho, izinto zaqala ukwehla futhi uTracy wanquma ukudonsa ipulaki ngemva kokuzama ukuyenza isebenze iminyaka embalwa.
UTracy uthi: “Ezinyangeni ezimbili ngemva kokuhlukana ngathola ucingo oluvela kumama kaJonathan engibuza ukuthi ukuphi.
Kungase kusimangaze ukuthi uJonathan akazange athulule isifuba sakhe emndenini nakubangane bakhe ngokuhlukana, ikakhulukazi uma ucabangela indlela okungaba nzima ngayo ukuhlukana nomuntu ohlala naye. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uTracy wayesefinyelele wonke umuntu owayesondelene naye ngemva kokuhlukana. Akagcinanga nje ngokuhlanganyela nabo lezi zindaba kodwa futhi wancika kubo ukuze athole ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo ukuze badlule kulesi sikhathi esinzima.
Iqiniso lokuthi amadoda nabesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana banamafilosofi ahlukene ekufuneni ukusekelwa kungase kuvele endleleni umphakathi osungule ngayo indima yobulili yendabuko komunye nomunye. Kulungile futhi kuyakhuthazwa ukuthi owesifazane akhulume ngemizwa yakhe futhi aveze imizwa okungenzeka ukuthi ubhekene nayo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, akuwona 'ubudoda' ukuba abafana bakhale ngothando futhi baveze imizwa yabo ngoba indoda efanelekayo ngokusobala ingumuntu ongenamizwa. Umehluko phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana uxhomeke ekutheni bakhuliswe kanjani futhi kuphi, kodwa ezindaweni eziningi zomhlaba, indoda ingacabanga kabili ngaphambi kokukhala phambi kwabangane bayo besilisa.
3. Izigaba ezahlukene zokuhlukana
Madoda: susa imizwa
Abesifazane: bamukele imizwa
Umehluko phakathi kowesilisa nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana ubonakala nasezigabeni abadlula kuzo lapho bezama ukuhambisana nakho. Izigaba zokuhlukana kwabafana, ngokwesibonelo, bathatha uhambo lokuzicabangela, baba nobudlelwane ngokweqile, bavulekela ekuqapheleni ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile, intukuthelo nokudabuka, ukwamukela, ukubuyisela ithemba lokuthola uthando futhi, ukubuyela endaweni yokuphola.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, izigaba zokuhlukana kwamantombazane usizi, ukuphika, ukungabaza, intukuthelo, ukulangazelela, ukuqaphela, nokuqhubekela phambili. Njengoba ubona, i-psychology yabesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana ihambisana kakhulu neqiniso lokulahlekelwa kunokuba i-psychology yesilisa ngemuva kokuhlukana. Abesifazane baqala ukucubungula ukuhlukana ngokushesha ngemva kokudabuka kuyilapho amadoda ezama ukuyisusa noma ukuyivala leyo mizwa kuze kube nzima kakhulu ukuyibamba.
Lo mehluko phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ngemuva kokuhlukana ungase ube yisizathu sokuthi kungani amadoda athatha isikhathi eside ukuphulukisa kusukela ekuhlukaneni kunabesifazane. Ukuziphatha kwabesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana kungokuthile okuvumela ukuphulukiswa nokubhekana nemizwa yabo. Nokho, eyeduna inquma ukubalekela imizwa yayo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-7 Ongakwazi Ukudla Ngemva Kokuhlukana + 3 Ama-Hacks Alula Ukuze Ubuyisele Isifiso Sakho Sokudla
4. Ukuzethemba okuphelile ngemva kokuhlukana
Amadoda: phezulu
Abesifazane: abaphansi
Umehluko phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana uxhunyaniswe ngokuqondile nokuthi yisiphi isigaba sobambiswano lwezothando abajabulela kakhulu kuso. Kwabesilisa, okuphakeme kakhulu kuvela ekufisweni ngabalingani babo. Nakuba, abesifazane bathola ukwaneliseka kwabo ekuxhumaneni ababelana ngakho ne-SO yabo.
Lapho ubuhlobo buphela, amadoda avame ukukubheka njengenkomba yokuthi awusafiseleki. Yingakho ukuzethemba kwabo kugadla kakhulu, ikakhulukazi uma kungumlingani wabo oqede ubudlelwano. Imizwa yokungazethembi kanye nezindaba zokuzethemba ingase ikhule endodeni, okungase kuthathe umsebenzi omningi ukuze ibuye ibuye. Ukulahlekelwa kuhlotshaniswa ngokuqondile nokuzethemba kwabo. Uma uzibuza lapho abafana beqala ukukukhumbula ngemva kokuhlukana, imvamisa iseduze nalesi sigaba.
Endabeni yabesifazane, umuzwa wokulahlekelwa ugxile kakhulu ekubeni badedele ukuxhumana okujulile, okunenjongo ababetshalwe kukho. Ngenxa yalesi sizathu, ukwehlukana ngokuvamile akuthinti ukuzethemba komuntu wesifazane. Lo mehluko kwabesilisa nabesifazane ngemuva kokuhlukana yikhona obusa ubudlelwano babo besikhathi esizayo nokuthi bangase bazimisele kangakanani ukuphinda bathembe othile.
5. Ukucindezeleka kokuhlukana
Amadoda: phezulu
Abesifazane: abaphansi
Okunye ukucindezelwa kwangemva kokuhlukana akunakugwenywa, kungakhathalekile ukuthi ungowesilisa noma ungowesifazane, i-dumper noma i-dumpee. Nokho, umuzwa wokucindezeleka ukhula emadodeni kunakwabesifazane. URussel, ngokwesibonelo, wazizwa elahlekelwe kakhulu ngemva kokuwohloka kobudlelwane bakhe besikhathi eside.
Wayengazi ukuthi uzobhekana kanjani ne-vacuum eyadalwa empilweni yakhe ngaphandle kokuxwayisa kusengaphambili futhi waphendukela ekuphuzeni kakhulu ubusuku nebusuku. Khona-ke, wayevuka elele, ngokuvamile ephethwe yikhanda elihlukanayo. Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa, wayegcina elele kakhulu futhi wayefika sekwephuzile emsebenzini. Ukucindezeleka kwempilo yakhe yomuntu siqu kanye nokungaphathwa kahle kwakhe kwaqala ukuba nomthelela empilweni yakhe yobungcweti.
Kusukela ekutholeni indlebe kumphathi wakhe kuye ememo emxwayisayo futhi edluliselwe esikhundleni sokukhushulwa esikhundleni okwakunqunywa ukuthi ngeyakhe, izinto zaqala ukungahambi kahle ngokushesha. Konke lokhu kucindezeleka kwaholela ekuhlaselweni kokwesaba okukhulu kangangokuthi waze wafika esibhedlela. Ngenkathi konke lokhu kwehla empilweni yakhe, u-ex wakhe wayeseqhubeke futhi ekhuthele ukuphola futhi ngemva kokuhlukana.
Naye wayesezabalaze nestress kanye neblues izinyanga ezimbalwa emva kokuhlukana kodwa washesha ukuziqoqa aqhubeke nempilo. Lo mehluko obalulekile ezigabeni zokuhlukana komfana vs intombazane yiwo obeka ukuthi kuzothatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi ubulili ngabunye bubuyele ezinyaweni zabo futhi buqhubeke. Uma ubungabheka ukuthi ubani othatha ukuhlukana kanzima, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kungase kube indoda.
6. Imizwa yentukuthelo
Amadoda: phezulu
Abesifazane: abaphansi
Uchwepheshe wezengqondo ophakeme uDkt. Prashant Bhimani uthi, "Omunye wemibono ephawulekayo owesilisa nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana ubukhulu bentukuthelo umuntu ngamunye aba nayo. Abesilisa bavame ukuzizwa bethukuthele kunabesifazane lapho benobuhlungu benhliziyo. Le ntukuthelo ngezinye izikhathi iqondiswa njengesifiso sokuziphindiselela kubalingani babo bangaphambili."
"Ukuziphindiselela kwezithombe zobulili ezingcolile, ukuthungatha, ukwabelana ngezithombe zomuntu siqu noma ingxoxo yombhalo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ukuhlaselwa kwe-asidi kuyimiphumela yamadoda anokuthambekela kwengqondo okungakwazi ukulawula noma ukucubungula intukuthelo yabo ngendlela efanele," uyanezela.
Abesifazane mancane kakhulu amathuba okuba baphendukele ezenzweni ezinjalo zokuziphindiselela ngemva kokuhlukana. Ikakhulukazi, ungalindela ukuthi athumele umlayezo omubi ezinkundleni zokuxhumana noma i-ex yakhe embi phambi kwabangane. Izehlakalo lapho abesifazane bedala ukulimala ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo kwabakwabangaphambili zimbalwa futhi zikude phakathi kwazo.
7. Ukufuna ukubuyelana
Amadoda: phezulu
Abesifazane: abaphansi
Nokho omunye umehluko obalulekile phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana isifiso sokubuyelana. I-psychology yesilisa ngemva kokuhlukana ivame ukubuswa umuzwa wokukhululeka. Banomuzwa wokuthi sebephinde bathola inkululeko yabo futhi akusekho imingcele yobudlelwano ebabuyisela emuva.
Lokhu yikho okubangela umdlandla wokuzijabulisa kanye namaphathi ngokushesha ngemva kokuhlukana. Kodwa ukuphakama kwenkululeko esanda kutholwa kuguga ngokushesha. Yilapho-ke lapho beqala ukuzwa isikhala empilweni yabo futhi baqale ukuphuthelwa ama-ex abo. Kulesi sigaba, amadoda amaningi azama ukubuyelana no-ex wawo okungenani kanye.
Abesifazane nabo babhekana nemizwa yesizungu nokulangazelela ngemva kokulahlekelwa ubuhlobo. Lezi yizikhathi lapho abafuni lutho ngaphandle kokuthatha ucingo baxhumane ne-ex yabo. Kungase kube nezimo ezithile zokuthumela imiyalezo edakiwe kanye nokudayela. Ikakhulukazi, bayakwazi ukungalibali iqiniso lokuthi bekunesizathu sokuthi kungani kungenzeki okokuqala futhi nokubuyelana ngeke kushintshe lokho. Lokhu kuqonda kuzivumela ukuthi ziqhubekele phambili.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Elungile Yokusebenzisa Amandla Okuthula Ngemva Kokuhlukana
8. Inqubo yokuphulukisa nokuqhubeka
Madoda: kancane
Abesifazane: ngokushesha
Ucwaningo lwe-Binghamton University-University College luphinde lwathola ukuthi nakuba ukuhlukana kubathinta kakhulu abesifazane ekuqaleni, amadoda athatha isikhathi eside ukuphulukisa nokuqhubeka. Lolu cwaningo luphinde luveze ukuthi amadoda amaningi awalulami ngokugcwele ekudabukeni kwenhliziyo. Bamane bafunde ukuphila futhi baqhubeke nempilo.
Lona umehluko ogqamile phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ngemuva kokuhlukana. Lapho ukugcwaliseka kokulahlekelwa ekugcineni kufinyelela ekhaya, amadoda akuzwa ngokujulile futhi isikhathi eside. Kulesi sigaba, bangase babhekane nobunzima ngokuzibeka endaweni yokuqomisana futhi futhi baqale ukuncintisana ukuze banake abangaba ngaphezu kwesithakazelo noma bangase bazizwe nje ukuthi ukulahlekelwa akunakuthathelwa indawo.
Umehluko phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ngemva kokuhlukana usuka endleleni amadoda nabesifazane abaxhunywe ngayo izintambo. Ikhono - noma ukuntula kwakho - lokuxhumana nemizwa yomuntu kanye nemizwa yomzila wokucasuka nobuhlungu yikhona okubusa lezi zindlela zokusabela ezivame ukuhlukana ngesehlakalo esifanayo.
Ukusabela Kokuhlukana Kwendoda Nowesifazane Kufingqiwe Ku-Infographic Ethakazelisayo
Abesilisa nabesifazane bobabili balwa nemizwa yangemva kokuhlukana futhi baqhubeke nokwedlule. Kodwa-ke, izimbangela kanye nendlela ezibona ngayo futhi zicubungula ubuhlungu zingahluka ngokuphawulekayo. Nazi zonke izindlela indoda vs owesifazane ngemuva kokuhlukana kokuhlukana okufingqiwe ku-infographic:
Ungawela Kanjani Othandweni Nothile - Amathiphu ayi-18 Okwenza Kwenzeke
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
