31 Izimpawu Ezinonya Umkakho Akasakuthandi

Ukuzizwa uqhelelene futhi uhlukene emshadweni wakho kungakushiya uzibuza ukuthi ngabe owakwakho usephelelwe wuthando yini nawe. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma umkakho owake waba ngudoti ngokuzumayo engasenandaba nawe nomshado wakho. Lapho lokho kwenzeka, izimpawu zokuthi umkakho akasakuthandi ziqala ukuvela. 

Nakuba kungase kucindezele ukumbona ehlehla ukutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo kuwe, akusona isizathu sokwethuka. Ngokuthatha umbono ozwelayo wesimo ngombono wakhe, ungazulazula kumafulegi abomvu futhi uthole indlela yokuvuselela ukuxhumana kwakho nomkakho. Yilokho kanye lesi sihloko esihlose ukukusiza ukuba ukwenze. 

Ngosizo lwemininingwane evela kwabanye bochwepheshe abadume kakhulu bezempilo yengqondo nobudlelwano, silapha ukuze sikusize ubone izimpawu zomfazi ongenalo uthando, uqonde izizathu ezibangela lokhu kushintsha kwemizwa, futhi uthole izindlela zokubhekana nesimo ngokuphelele, ukuze ube nethuba lokusindisa umshado wakho ekubeni uphenduke umthwalo ongenalo uthando, ongenamphefumulo kini nobabili. 

Umkami Akasangithandi — Kusho Ukuthini

Ukuze ukwazi ukubona izimpawu umkakho akasakuthandi usendaweni yokuqonda nozwela, kubalulekile ukuthi uzijwayeze ukuthi kungani lokhu kungenzeka kanye nezinga okungaba nomthelela ngalo emshadweni wakho. Ngokuzayo uzithola ukhala ngokuthi, “Umkami akasangithandi”, mhlawumbe ukuqonda ukuthi kungani lokho kuzokusiza ukuthi ungamzondi ngalokho. Kunalokho, ungase ucelwe ukuhlola ukuthi kungani kunjalo. Isizathu singase sihlanganise: 

• Ukuntuleka komzamo wokuxhuma nokuxhumana, kusuka ohlangothini olulodwa noma zombili, kuholele ekutheni ibanga elingokomzwelo 
• Ukungaqondi kahle nezinkinga ezingaxazululiwe kumsusile kuwena 
• Uzizwa engabongwa, enganakwa, noma engabonakali ebudlelwaneni, futhi ngenxa yalokho, usekuzondile. 
• Kungenzeka ukuthi usehoxile ngokomzwelo ngenxa yokuthi isimo sakho sengqondo ngaye—ukumgxeka njalo noma amahlaya alimazayo—siye sadala isimo esinobutha, esiye salimaza ukuzethemba kwakhe.   
• Ukungathembeki, kungaba ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo, kuye kwashiya ukwethenjwa kwakhe kushabalala. Amanxeba emizwa ngenxa yalesi sigameko adle imizwa yakhe ngawe   
• Wena nomkakho niye nahlukana njengabantu ngabanye, okuye kwashintsha indlela azizwa ngayo ngawe 
• Uphethe ingxenye enkulu yezibopho zomshado, okumenza azizwe ekhungathekile noma ulahliwe nguwe. Lapho engazizwa esekelwe, kungaba nzima ukulondoloza imizwa yothando ayenayo ngawe   
• Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi kungaholela emizweni yokwenqatshwa futhi kuqede ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo abenakho kuwe. 
• Benithathana kalula isikhathi eside kakhulu ngenxa yokuthi ubudlelwano buzizwa bumile futhi bunomshini, okwenza uthando luhlakazeke. 

Uma noma yisiphi salezi zizathu ezenza umkakho ashintshe indlela azizwa ngayo ngawe, kubalulekile ukuba ungabe usashanela ngoba umphumela wokwenza kanjalo ungaba inhlekelele. Nansi indlela umkakho aphelelwa uthando ngayo okungathinta ngayo ubuhlobo benu: 

• Angase ahoxeke kakhulu ngokomzwelo, kukwenze nobabili nizizwe nikude futhi ninqanyuliwe
• Kungase kuqalise umbuthano omubi wokulwa nezingxabano njalo ebudlelwaneni. Ungase ungakwazi ukuzulazula ngisho nokuhluka okuncane ngaphandle kokuthi isimo sivunguze ngendlela engalawuleki.
• Ukuntula ukusondelana kuzokwandisa, kubangele umoya obandayo emshadweni wakho 
• Izinkinga zokuthembela, ukucasuka, nentukuthelo kungaba nzima nakakhulu ukubhekana nakho lapho umshado uphelelwa uthando 
• Angase abonise ukungabi nasithakazelo ekwenzeni izinhlelo zekusasa elabelwe nawe 
• Ubuhlobo bakho bungase buphenduke umshado ohlala naye esikhundleni sobudlelwane obunothando obuhloselwe ukuba bube 
• Njengoba impilo yomshado wenu iqhubeka iwohloka, umkakho angase aqale ukucabanga ngokuhlukana okuvivinyayo noma ngisho nesehlukaniso.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuthi Umkakho Akakuhloniphi (Nendlela Okufanele Ubhekane Ngayo Nakho)

31 Signs Umkakho Akasakuthandi

Kungakwenza uthuthumele ukucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho ophila naye usephelelwe uthando, ikakhulukazi uma usubonile umthelela okungaba nawo emshadweni wakho nasempilweni yakho. Kodwa hey, masingagxumeli esiphethweni sokuthi kunjalo ngempela. Ngoba nje uke waba snippy kancane muva nje noma ugcina ukugwema ukusondelana akusho ukuthi ubhekene nezimpawu zomfazi ongenalo uthando. 

Kukho konke okwaziyo, kungenzeka ukuthi ubhekana nokuthile emsebenzini, ngokomzimba, noma kungenzeka ukuthi ucasulwe okuthile okwenzile noma okushilo. Kulapho kuphela umjikelezo wokuziphatha okungalungile uba iphethini, lapho kungase kube khona isizathu sokukhathazeka. Ingabe yilokho obhekene nakho? Ake sikusize uthole ukuthi ungabona kanjani uma umkakho engasakuthandi: 

1. Ibanga elingokomzwelo

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJohn Gottman sigcizelela ukuthi ukuhlukana ngokomzwelo kuyisici esiyinhloko sokuhluleka kobudlelwane. Ngakho-ke uma izingxoxo zakho nomkakho seziphenduke obala noma zigxile ezihlokweni ezivamile nje njengezinhlelo, ukuthunywa, nemisebenzi yasekhaya, futhi kuzwakala sengathi akasawenzi umzamo wokuqala noma ngisho nokuzibandakanya. izingxoxo ezijulile, kuwuphawu lokuthi usekhathele umunyu. Akasazizwa efuna ukwabelana nawe ngemicabango nemizwa yakhe ngenxa yoshintsho ekuxhumekeni kwakhe ngokomzwelo nawe. 

2. Ugwema ukuthintana ngokomzimba

Njengoba kungenzeka uyazi, ukuthintana ngokomzimba kungolunye lwezilimi ezinhlanu zothando, njengoba kwashiwo uDkt Gary Chapman—lokhu kusho ukuthi ukuthintana ngokomzimba nomuntu obalulekile kuyindlela yokunikeza nokwamukela uthando. Manje lokhu kuthintana ngokomzimba akudingekile ukuba kube ubulili kodwa nakakhulu ukubonakaliswa kothando nothando, njengokuthi 

• Ukugona 
• kissing 
• Ukubamba izandla 
• Bethintana bekhuluma  

Uma kungeyena umkakho kuphela ongabonisi uthando kodwa futhi ebonakala engakhululekile uma umqala, kuwuphawu lokuthi akasakujabuleli ukusondelana nawe. Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu ezikhombisa ukuthi umkakho usephelelwe wuthando. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukungabi Nothando Nokusondelana Ebudlelwaneni — Izindlela Eziyisi-9 Okukuthinta Ngayo

3. Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokocansi

Manje uma umkakho engakhululekile ngokuthintana ngokomzimba, kungokwemvelo ukuthi afune ukukugwema ukusondelana ngokocansi njengesifo. Uma kungekho sici esicacile esiyisisekelo esinjengokucindezeleka, izinkinga zempilo, noma ukukhulelwa, umkakho ukugwema ukusondelana kuyinkomba ecacile yokuthi ulahlekelwa imizwa ngawe. Angase, 

• Yeka ukuqala ucansi 
• Woza nezaba zokugwema ukusondelana 
• Ubonakala ungenantshisekelo futhi uzimele noma ngabe usondelene ngokocansi 

Umelaphi ngobulili u-Esther Perel uthi, “Ukulahlekelwa isithakazelo sobulili ngokuvamile kubonisa izinkinga ezijulile ezingokomzwelo.” Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi esimweni sabesifazane abalahlekelwa isithakazelo ocansini ngoba kubo ubulili nemizwa kuhlanganiswe eduze.  

4. Ubeka phambili abanye kunawe

Olunye lwezimpawu ezibonisa inkosikazi engenalo uthando ukuthi iqala ukubeka phambili zonke ezinye izinto ezibalulekile empilweni yakhe ngaphezu kwakho. Ungase uqaphele, 

• Unemfudumalo futhi unothando ngezingane noma ngisho nezilwane ezifuywayo endlini kodwa ukunika ihlombe elibandayo 
• Uhlela izinhlelo nabangane bakhe noma asebenza nabo kodwa uhlale enezizathu zokungaqhubeki nanoma yini ophakamisa ukuthi niyenze ndawonye 
• Uzicwilise emsebenzini nasemithwalweni yasekhaya kangangoba ingasekho indawo empilweni yakhe ngawe 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Iyini Isehlukaniso Sokulala Futhi Kungawusindisa Kanjani Umshado?

5. Ukugxeka njalo

Lapho umkakho engasakuthandi, angase aqale ukukuthola amaphutha futhi ecasulwa yiyo yonke into oyenzayo. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Angase aqale ukulala ekamelweni elihlukile ngoba ukuhona kwakho kumkhuphula odongeni 
• Ahlahle amehlo uma nenza izinto endlini 
• Akajabulile ngendlela ophatha ngayo cishe noma yini, futhi ukhuluma amazwi ahlabayo njengokuthi, “Ingabe kukhona ongakwazi ukukwenza kahle?” 
• Uyakha amazwi alimazayo mayelana nokubukeka kwakho, umsebenzi wakho, okuthandayo nokungathandi 

UDkt. Gottman uveza ukugxekwa njengomunye “Abagibeli Bamahhashi Abane be-ApocalypseNgakho uma umkakho engajabuli nganoma yini oyenzayo noma oyishoyo, lokho kuwuphawu oluyisixwayiso lwezinkinga esidlekeni sakho somshado. 

6. Uyazigwema izingxoxo ngekusasa

UDkt. Sue Johnson, uchwepheshe oholayo we-Emotionally Focused Therapy, uthi, “Emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni besikhathi eside, ukungazihlanganisi nezinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo ngokuvamile kubonisa ukuntula isithakazelo.” Uma umkakho eyekile ukwenza amalungiselelo ekusasa nawe—kungaba iholidi lakho elilandelayo noma umhlalaphansi wakho—kunesizathu sokukhathazeka. Ukungazibophezeli ngezinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo noma ukushintsha isihloko uma usiveza nakho kuyifulegi elibomvu uma kwenzeka ngokuphindaphindiwe. 

7. Akanayo intshisekelo yokuxazulula izingxabano

Kungenzeka ukuthi kuke kwaba nesikhathi emshadweni wakho lapho zonke izingxabano noma ukungaboni ngaso linye kwakungamxazululi umkakho futhi wayefuna “ukuxoxa ngakho” futhi “akulungise”. Kungase kube nemithetho efana “nokungalali uthukuthele” noma “ukungavumeli ukulwa kuqhubeke izinsuku ezingaphezu kwezingu-3”. Kodwa endaweni ethile endleleni kwashintsha. 

Manje, ukungabi nandaba kwakhe nokungqubuzana, ukwenqaba ukuhileleka ezingxabano, kanye nesifiso sokuxazulula izinkinga kuthumela ukugodola phansi komgogodla wakho. Noma nini lapho kunokungaboni ngaso linye, uthi, “Noma yini, yenza lokho okufunayo,” futhi awukwazi ukuzibamba kodwa ucabange, “Umkami akasangithandi.” Awu, unephutha. Isazi sobudlelwano uDkt. Terri Orbuch uyavuma ukuthi ukungabi nentshisekelo kukho ukuxazulula izingxabano kubonisa ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni.

8. Uhlale ezivikela

Ukuzivikela kungenye ye "Abagibeli bamahhashi abane be-Apocalypse" ebuhlotsheni, ngokusho kukaDkt. Gottman. Uma kuvamile ukuba umkakho aphendule ngokuzivikela noma nini lapho uveza ukukhathazeka ngobuhlobo noma uzama ukuxazulula izinkinga zakho, kungenzeka ukuthi kungenxa yokuthi uhlolwe ngokomzwelo. Ngenxa yalokho, angase aphendukele ekugwebeni icala, noma adlale ikhadi lesisulu, esho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Uhlezi ungisola,” noma “O, yonke into iyiphutha lami,” esikhundleni sokulalela nokuzama ukusebenzisana nawe ukuze kutholakale ikhambi.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 17 Izimpawu Umkakho Ufuna Ukukushiya

9. Usegxile kakhulu ekuzimele

Manje, ningangizwa kabi. Ukugcina eyakho ukuzimela ngenkathi usebudlelwaneni kuwumkhuba onempilo. Nokho, uma kuthathwa kude kakhulu, kungase kube uphawu lwenkinga. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Harriet Lerner sithi, “Lapho isidingo sokuzibusa sisibekela ubuhlobo, singase sibe uphawu lokuzihlukanisa.” Ungasala uthi, “Ngiyamkhumbula umkami” ngoba uhlezi ekhona esenza izinto zakhe. Ngokwesibonelo, angase, 

• Thatha izinto zokuzilibazisa ezintsha 
• Hamba wedwa 
• Chitha isikhathi esiningi nabangane 

10. Akasakuthululi isifuba 

Owesifazane othandana nomyeni wakhe angase ayeke ukumthululela isifuba. Echaza ukuthi kungani lokhu kukhathaza, umeluleki wemishado uDkt. Dana McNeil uthi, “Lapho ukukhulumisana ngokomzwelo kuncipha, kulandela ukusondelana ngokomzwelo.”

Lapho umkakho eyeka ukwabelana ngemicabango yakhe, imizwa, ulwazi lwansuku zonke, ukwesaba, namathemba nawe—futhi esikhundleni salokho ephendukela kubangane bakhe noma umndeni, noma avele agcine izinto kuye—uzifaka engozini yokungaxhumani naye. Kungenzeka awusakwazi ukuthi ubhekene nani noma ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Lokhu kwengeza kuphela ibanga eselingenile emshadweni wakho.  

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuthi Ubudlelwano Bakho Bungaphezu Kokulungiswa

11. Ukungafuni ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni

Ukulahlekelwa imizwa ngomngane womshado ngokwemvelo kubangela ukuntula isithakazelo ekulungiseni ubuhlobo. Yingakho ukuntula isifiso sokusebenzela ekuthuthukiseni ubuhlobo bakho kungenye yezimpawu ezibomvu zomfazi ongenaluthando. Lokhu kungabonakala ngokuthi, 

• Ukuchitha iziphakamiso zokuxhumana noma ukufuna usizo 
• Ukungabonisi intshisekelo ekusebenziseni imali isikhathi sekhwalithi Ndawonye 
• Ephendula ngomqondo wokudangala, ethi, “Yini iphuzu?”
  

12. Useyifihlile impilo yakhe 

Ngokusho kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Ramani Durvasula ukuba yimfihlo akulona nje uphawu lokuphuma othandweni kodwa kungase kube izinkomba zokungathembeki ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba. Uma egadiwe ngemisebenzi yakhe, eba yimfihlo kakhulu ngokuthi ukuphi, futhi eqala ukufihla ucingo lwakhe noma ukushintsha amagama ayimfihlo njalo, ubonisa izimpawu zokuthi ungumfazi okhohlisayo. Lokhu bekufanele kukukhathaze kakhulu ngoba manje akusadingeki ukhathazeke ngokuthi umkakho akathandani nawe kodwa nokuthi kungenzeka ukuthi uthandana nomunye umuntu.  

13. Uqala ukukuqhathanisa nabanye

Olunye uphawu olubalulekile olubonisa ukuthi umkakho usephelelwe uthando ngawe ukuthi uhlale ekuqhathanisa kabi namanye amadoda noma ubudlelwano bakho nobezinye izithandani. Angase asho izinto ezilimazayo njengokuthi,  

• “Kungani ungeke ufane [nomyeni womngane]?” 
• “Ngifisa sengathi ngabe nginomlingani okhathalelayo [njengomlingani womunye umuntu]” 
• Komunye umuntu: “Ungumuntu othanda uthando.

Lokhu isiqhathaniso isicupho ubonisa ukunganeliseki okucacile, okungenzeka kube isizathu esenza imizwa yakhe ngawe ishintshe. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpikiswano Eziyi-11 Zobudlelwano Ezisho Ukubhujiswa Kwebhondi Yakho

14. Ukungaboni ngaso linye ezintweni ezingasho lutho

Uchwepheshe wezobudlelwano uDkt. Judith Wright uthi, “Ukungqubuzana okuphindaphindiwe ngezindaba ezincane kungase kube uphawu lwebanga elingokomzwelo elibangelwa izinkinga ezingaxazululeki.” Uma ufuna izimpawu ukuthi umkakho akasakuthandi, naka ukuthi usabela kanjani ekungabonini ngaso linye ngezinto ezingasho lutho. 

Ingabe ukungezwani okuncane njengokuthi ungadla kuphi noma kungani ilondolo ingakasuswa iqhume kube izingxabano ezinkulu eziletha ubudlelwano bakho bonke embuzweni? Uma kunjalo, umkakho ubhekene nokukhungatheka okuyisisekelo ngobuhlobo futhi kungenzeka ukuthi kuyishintshile indlela azizwa ngayo ngawe.

15. Akasenandaba nemizwa yakho

Owesifazane ophelelwa uthando nomyeni wakhe ngokwemvelo uyoba angabi nandaba nemizwelo yakhe. Umelaphi uDkt. Lisa Firestone uthi, “Lokhu kungase kubangele ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, lapho umkakho engasenandaba nokuthi uzizwa kanjani noma ukukusekela noma ukukududuza.” Okubi nakakhulu, angase aphendule ngokucasuka noma ngokunganaki uma uveza imizwa yakho kuye. 

16. Unaka kakhulu indlela abukeka ngayo

Lapho owesifazane eqala ukulahlekelwa imizwa ngomyeni wakhe, angase abuyisele ukunaka kwakhe kuye futhi achithe isikhathi esiningi namandla ukuze abukeke kahle. Okubambekayo wukuthi, awukho kulowo mzamo owenzelwe wena. Angase ngokuvamile agqoke izembatho ezingu-9 lapho eyophuma khona kanye nemibuthano yokuzijabulisa engakubandakanyi wena kodwa angase abonakale engenandaba nokubukeka kwakhe ezinhlelweni ezihilela wena. 

Lokhu kungase futhi kube esinye sezibonakaliso umkakho uthanda enye indoda. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Wendy Walsh siphawula, “Izinguquko ekubukekeni nasekuziphatheni zingabonisa isifiso sokuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle.” Ngokusobala akakufuni lokho kuqinisekiswa kuwe. Umbuzo uthi, ubani-ke?

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17. Uyakugwema ukubheka emehlweni

Izimpawu zomfazi ongenalo uthando nazo zingatholakala ngomzimba wakhe eduze kwakho. Esinye sezinkomba zezinganekwane isidingo sakhe sokugwema ukubheka ngamehlo, okuwuhlobo olubalulekile lokusebenzelana phakathi kwabantu ababili oluthuthukisa ukuhlangana ngokomzwelo. Uma umkakho egwema ukukubuka phakathi nezingxoxo futhi ancamele ukufihla ubuso bakhe ocingweni lwakhe ngisho nalapho ukhuluma naye noma ubheka ngapha nangapha, usuke enganakile uthumela umlayezo ocacile wokuthi akakhululekile noma akanandaba. 

18. Akasenamona

“Ngenkathi umona ongenampilo unobuthi, izinga elithile lokukhathazeka libonisa ukutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo.” Lapho uthando luphela, kanjalo nomhawu noma ukungazethembi mayelana nokusebenzelana kwakho nabanye besifazane kuyaphela.” Uma ukhuluma ngokuthile obekungenza esikhathini esidlule kumenze abe luhlaza ngenxa yomona—njengokungathi isidala singena kuma-DM akho, isidlo sasemini nesiphukuphuku sasekolishi, noma ukuya engqungqutheleni nowesifazane osebenza naye, akasakuthandi—futhi akasakuthandi. 

19. Ukhala ngokuthi 'uvaleleke'

Wazi ngani ukuthi umkakho akasakuthandi? Hhayi-ke, enye yezinkomba ezidabukisayo zokuhlukana kwakhe othandweni wukuthi ukhala ngokuzizwa ebambekile ebudlelwaneni. Lokhu kungavela njengezitatimende eziveza ukukhungatheka kwakhe, 

• “Ngifisa sengathi angikaze ngikushade”
• “Nkulunkulu, ngifisa sengathi ngingavele ngiye kwenye indawo ngingaphinde ngibuye”
• "Ukube nje ngingaqala phansi..."

Uchwepheshe wezomshado uDkt. John Amodeo uchaza ukuthi lapho umlingani ezizwa evalelekile, kungenzeka ukuthi kakade ucabanga ukuhamba. Uma umkakho ubelokhu esho amazwi anjalo kaningi ngokwanele, kuwuphawu oluyisixwayiso lokuthi umshado wakho umi ngezinyawo zawo zokugcina. Uma ufuna ukukulungisa, udinga ukuthatha isinyathelo manje.  

20. Utshale kakhulu kobunye ubudlelwano

Uma kubhekwa ukuthi akasaluzwa uthando, uthando, nokunakekela okumhlanganise nawe, ungase wehle kakhulu ohlwini lwakhe olubalulekile. Umkakho angase aqale ukuchitha isikhathi namandla engeziwe ekuthuthukiseni obunye ubuhlobo obubalulekile ekuphileni kwakhe. Ngokwesibonelo, angase

• Chitha ubusuku bakhe nezingane, ezisiza ngomsebenzi wesikole, ubukele i-TV nazo, udlala imidlalo yebhodi, ukhuluma nazo
• Qala ukukhuluma nokuvakashela abazali bakhe noma izingane zakubo kaningi 
• Chitha amahora ukhuluma noma uthumelela abangani bakhe umbhalo esikhundleni sokuchitha isikhathi esihle nawe 
• Hamba uhambo olude nesilwane somndeni noma uchithe izimpelasonto usilungisa esikhundleni sokuzipholela nawe  

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Utshale Kakhulu Ebudlelwaneni Kunomlingani Wakho?

21. Ukunciphisa umzamo emisebenzini ehlanganyelwe

Lapho uqaphela izinguquko ekuziphatheni kwakhe, ungase ufinyelele ekuqapheleni ukuthi, “Umkami wayengithanda kodwa engasangithandi”, bese unquma ukwenza okuthile ngakho. Ngakho-ke, niyasukuma niqale ukwenza izinhlelo futhi niphakamise ukwenza izinto ndawonye—ukuphinda nivakashele izithakazelo ezabiwe noma izinto zokuzilibazisa, noma niqhamuke nemibono emisha eningachitha ngayo isikhathi ninobabili. Nokho, esikhundleni sokuba ajabule ngakho, umkakho uvele awadube ngezaba elilodwa noma elinye. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Uthi, "Hhayi, asibhake ndawonye. Sekunesikhathi singakwenzi lokho." Uyaphendula, “O, asinazo zonke izithako.”
• Uyabuza, “Ufuna ukuya kumamuvi kule mpelasonto?” Uthi, “Senginazo kakade izinhlelo.”
• Uphakamisa ukuthi, “Kunganjani sihambe ngempelasonto, mina nawe kuphela.” Uthi, “Kuningi okwenzekayo emsebenzini, angikwazi.” 

Lokhu kusikisela ukuthi ukhetha ukuba yedwa futhi ufuna ukugwema inkampani yakho ngazo zonke izindleko ngoba inkulu ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni.

22. Uhlale ephazamisekile

Uma umkakho ehlala ematasatasa, engekho ngokugcwele lapho nindawonye, ​​kungase kube indlela enganakile yokuziqhelelanisa nawe. Ungase umqaphele ebheka ama-imeyili noma eskrola ocingweni lwakhe njengoba uzama ukukhuluma naye, futhi izimpendulo zakhe zisuka enhliziyweni. 

23. Ukuguquguquka kwemizwa njalo

Uma ungazi ukuthi yini ezomisa umkakho futhi uvame ukuzithola ukuhamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda eduze kwakhe ngoba isimo sakhe sengqondo sisuka ekubeni muncu futhi sishube siye ekucasukeni nasekuthukutheleni ngaphandle kwesizathu esizwakalayo noma isisusa, kungase kube ukuthi akajabule ngokushada nomuntu angasamthandi. Lokhu kungase kubangele ukungezwani okukhulu nokucindezeleka ebudlelwaneni. 

24. Uhlola imisebenzi yomndeni

Nakuba ingase ichithe isikhathi namandla ekukhuliseni izibopho zomkhaya, ingase ingabi nomdlandla kangako lapho nihileleka ezintweni zomkhaya ezinjengohambo, imibuthano, noma ngisho nokudla. Ungathola ukuthi uyazithethelela kaningi kule micimbi, futhi noma eyihambele, uvele angahlanganyeli. Lesi yinkomba ebalulekile yezinkinga zobudlelwano.

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25. Akasakuqophisi ukulwa nawe

Njengoba besho, khathazeka lapho eyeka ukulwa nawe. Kuwuphawu lokuthi owesifazane usezinikele ngakho konke ukuthi azame ukulungisa abebona sengathi kungasebenzi ebudlelwaneni futhi useyekile manje. Akanandaba nezindaba ezike zamcasula—njengokuthi usebenza sekwephuzile noma ungabeki isikhathi sakhe. “Ukuhlukana kwemizwelo ngokuvamile kubonakala sengathi akanandaba,” kusho umelaphi uDkt. Shirley Glass.” Uma ungakhumbuli ukuthi wagcina nini ukulwa nawe ngoba ephatheke kabi, edumazekile, noma edangele, ulahlekelwe ngokomzwelo. 

26. Akamkhathazi kakhulu ngokuxabana

Noma ngabe kuqubuka ingxabano akasamhluphi njengakuqala. Akazami kanzima ukwenza ukuthi ubone umbono wakhe noma akusize uqonde ukuthi yini ayidinga kuwe. Kunalokho, angase avele asuke ezingxabanweni, noma ngokuvala futhi enqabe ukuhlanganyela noma ukuphuma ekamelweni. Lokhu kubonisa ukuthi ukunganaki ngokomzwelo kuye kwathatha indawo yothando ayenalo ngawe.  

27. Ayisekho imihlatshelo

Unkosikazi onakho uphumile emshadweni wakhe ngokomzwelo uzoqala ukubeka yena nezidingo zakhe kuqala, ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngenxa yalokho, ungase uqaphele ukuthi akasazimisele ukuzidela noma ngisho nokuyekethisa nokulungisa okwakuwumkhuba. Ngokwesibonelo, angase athi cha ekuphusheni umhlangano emsebenzini ngoba udinga ukuthi akuphelezele uma uye esidlweni sasemini noma uvume ukukhansela isidlo sakusihlwa nozakwabo ngoba udinga ukusebenza kuze kuhlwe futhi ulindele ukuthi abe sekhaya ukuze abuke izingane, okuyinto owawuvumelene ngayo ngaphambili.  

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukudela Ebudlelwaneni - Nini, Yini Futhi Kangakanani?

28. Usebenzisa imali kabili

Izimali ezihlukene kabili kuwuphawu olubomvu emshadweni obonisa ukuthi umkakho akagcinanga nje ngokuphuma othandweni nawe kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi ucabangela kabusha ikusasa lomshado. Yazi ukuthi umshado wakho usenkingeni uma ubona lezi zimpawu zokungahlangani kwezimali, 

• Uyekile ukufaka isandla ezinhlosweni zezimali ezabelwana ngazo njengokulondoloza ikhaya noma ukuhlela iholidi
• Uvule i-akhawunti yasebhange ehlukile 
• Ukhipha izimali ezihlanganyelwe futhi uhamba yedwa 
• Uthola ukuthi unemali eyongile wena ungazi lutho ngayo

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 9 Amaqhinga Esehlukaniso Esikhohlisayo Nezindlela Zokulwa Nazo

29. Akakuncomi kudala 

Ukuncoma nokuqinisekisa kudlala indima ebalulekile ekuqiniseni isibopho sombhangqwana ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. UDkt. Gary Chapman, umbhali we Izilimi Ezi-5 Zothando, igcizelela ukuthi amazwi okuqinisekisa abalulekile ekuxhumaneni okungokomzwelo, futhi ukungabikho kwawo kungabonisa ukungabi nasithakazelo. Uma ukuncoma namazwi okubonga sekuyinto eyivelakancane futhi engasazisi impumelelo yakho noma ukubukeka kwakho, ngisho noma kunesizathu, yazi ukuthi ukunqanyulwa kwemizwelo kujulile. 

30. Ufunde ukujabulela ukuba yedwa

Uqinisile ekucabangeni ukuthi, “Umkami akasangithandi,” uma ethanda ukuba yedwa kunokuchitha isikhathi nawe. UDkt. Walsh uthi: “Isikhathi sokuhlukana sinempilo, kodwa ukugwema njalo akunjalo. Uma ekhetha ukuhamba yedwa ngisho nalapho ucela ukuhamba naye, thatha uhambo oluhamba yedwa uye endaweni obukade ufuna ukuya kuyo noma uchithe isikhathi sakhe esikhululekile nencwadi noma ucingo lwakhe esikhundleni sokuba nawe, lokho kuwuphawu olucacile lokuthi akasakuthandi. 

31. Ukhuluma ngokuhlukana

Manje-ke lena inkulu futhi ingakushaya njengebhawodi nje noma ngabe ubuziqaphela izimpawu zokuthi umkakho usephelelwe wuthando. Uma eqala ukuphakamisa a ukuhlukaniswa kwecala noma iphonsa igama lika-D kuyo yonke ingxabano, kuphakamisa ukuthi ubecabanga ngokungathí sina ukushiya ubuhlobo. 

Indlela Yokubhekana Nezimpawu Zomfazi Ongenalo Uthando 

UPatrick, umhlaziyi wezokuphepha waseNew York, wayebhekene nokuqaphela okudabukisayo, “Umkami akasajabule. usephelelwe uthando kanye nami." Kunokuba ayeke ukudalelwa futhi abukele umshado wakhe uqhuma, wanquma ukuthatha isinyathelo “Ukuqonda ubuhlungu nosizi lomkami kwangivula amehlo ngabona lapho engangintula khona ebuhlotsheni bami, futhi nganquma ukuthatha isibopho sokulungisa isibopho sethu esasiwohloka. 

“Kwamthatha izinyanga ukuthi akholelwe ukuthi imizamo yami nezinhloso zami zaziqotho.” Kodwa lapho ebona ukuthi ngizimisele ukusindisa umshado wethu, waqala ukuhlangana nami phakathi, futhi sakwazi ukuphinde sihlangane.” Uma uPatrick engakwenza, nawe ungakwenza—inqobo nje uma uzimisele ukwenza umsebenzi. Nawa amathiphu angu-5 asekelwe ochwepheshe angakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nezimpawu zomfazi ongenaluthando futhi uguqule ubudlelwano bakho:

1. Qonda ukuthi imizwa yakhe eshintshashintshayo ikuthinte kanjani 

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izimo ezaholela ekubeni umkakho aphelelwe uthando, ukunganaki kwakhe nokungabi nandaba okungokomzwelo nakanjani kuyokuthinta. Isinyathelo sokuqala sokubhekana nalesi simo esinzima ukuzivumela ukuthi uzwe imizwa egcwele lolu shintsho ebuhlotsheni bakho obushukumisayo. 

Zinike imvume yokuzizwa udabukile, uphatheke kabi, noma udidekile ngaphandle kokuzama ukucindezela leyo mizwa. Kungasiza ukuzindla ngemizwa yakho ngokubhala iphephabhuku, ukuzindla, noma ukukhuluma nomngane omethembayo noma nomelaphi. Usizi lungokwemvelo ezimweni lapho uthando lubonakala lulahlekile, lwamukele.

2. Khulumani ngokukhululekile, kodwa ngaphandle kokubeka icala

UDkt Gottman uthi, "Ukungqubuzana kufanele kube yithuba labo bobabili abalingani ukuze bafunde kabanzi ngabo kanye nobudlelwano babo. sondela kukho ngelukuluku, hhayi ukusola." Ngalokho, udinga ukuzijwayeza ukungahluleli futhi ukuxhumana okuvulekile ukuze ukwazi ukudlula kumlingani okungenzeka ukuthi uvale emoyeni. 

Ukusondela engxoxweni ngozwela usebenzisa izitatimende ezithi “Mina” ukuze ugweme ukuvela njengomuntu omangalayo kungase kushintshe umdlalo lapha. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi, “Ubukade ukude futhi uhoxile”, yithi, “Kade ngizizwa ngikude futhi bengifuna ukuqonda ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngathi.” Lokhu kuzonikeza umkakho isikhala sokuveza imizwa yakhe futhi kukunikeze ukucaciseleka lapho ubuhlobo bakho bumi khona. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Ezingu-11 Ezenzeka Uma Owesifazane Evala Inhliziyo - Kanye Nendlela Yokuxhuma kabusha

3. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Ungamthola kanjani umkami ukuthi angithande futhi, uyabuza? Ncika kumelaphi noma umeluleki wemishado ukuze uthole usizo. Lapho ibanga elingokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni liba namandla, ukwelulekwa kungakusiza ukuthi ufinyelele kumbangela futhi kukuqondise ekwelapheni. Phakamisa ukwelashwa kwezithandani futhi ubone ukuthi umkakho uyivulekele yini. Uma kunjalo, kuyinhlansi yethemba mayelana nokwenzeka kokusindisa umshado wakho. Uma elahlekelwe ukholo ngekusasa lobudlelwano benu kangangokuthi anomuzwa wokuthi akukho okungakulungisa, cabanga ukubonana nomelaphi ngamunye ukuze acubungule imizwa yakho futhi uthole umbono ngobudlelwano. Sebenzisa leyo mininingwane ukwenza ingxenye yakho ekuvuseleleni ubudlelwano bakho. 

4. Gxila ekukhuleni komuntu siqu

Esikhundleni sokulungisa ukulahlekelwa uthando, gxila ekukhuleni kwakho siqu futhi ube inguqulo engcono kakhulu yakho. Lokhu kungasiza ukwakha kabusha eyakho ugqhozu lwakho. Ungamangala ukubona ukuthi ukuzibona ekukhanyeni okusha kungasiza kanjani ukuvuselela ubudlelwano bakho ngezindlela obungazilindele. “Ukuzithuthukisa akugcini nje ngokuthuthukisa inhlalakahle yakho siqu kodwa futhi kuthuthukisa izinga lobuhlobo bakho ngokususa ukugxila ekusoleni futhi kugxile ekukhuleni,” kusho uDkt. Orbuch. Nazi ezinye izindlela ongabeka ngazo phambili ukuzithuthukisa komuntu siqu, 

• Thatha izinto zokuzilibazisa ezintsha
• Gxila emsebenzini wakho 
• Setha futhi uphishekele imigomo yokufaneleka
• Chitha isikhathi wenza imisebenzi ekwenza uzizwe ugcwalisekile futhi uzethemba

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 9 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Wokuyeka Umuntu Omthanda Ngokujulile

5. Nquma ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokudedela

Ngezinye izikhathi ukuhlukana phakathi kobuhlobo kuye kujule kangangokuthi naphezu kwemizamo yakho emihle, ungase ungakwazi ukubuvuselela ubuhlobo bakho nomkakho. Uma wenza konke ongakwenza ukuze ubuyisele uthando lwakhe kodwa akakakulungeli ukuhlangana nawe phakathi nendawo, kungesinye sezibonakaliso umkakho angafuni ukubuyisana. Lokho kuyinkomba enkulu kakhulu yokuthi sekuyisikhathi sokudedela futhi sigxile ekwelapheni nasekululameni kulokhu kuphazamiseka. “Ukuyeka ubudlelwano obungasakusizi kuyisenzo sokuzinakekela wena. Kuvumela isikhala sokuphulukiswa, ukukhula, kanye nethuba lothando lwesikhathi esizayo,” kubhala umelaphi uDkt. Lisa Marie Bobby encwadini yakhe. Ama-Exaholics: Ukuqeda Umlutha Wakho Othandweni Lwangaphambili.

Imicabango Final

Lezi zimpawu esizibalile azibona ubufakazi obuqinisekile bokuthi umkakho usephelelwe uthando kodwa ziyizimpawu ezibomvu ezingabonakali zokuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi emshadweni wakho. Ukubhekana naleli qiniso kudinga ukukhuthazela ngokomzwelo, ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile, nokuzinakekela. Ukuthi ubudlelwano bungalondolozwa noma cha, lawa maqhinga azokusiza ukuthi uzulazule ekungaqiniseki futhi uthole ukulingana ngokomzwelo.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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