IPsychology Yokuhlukumeza Ukwelapha Buthule Kanye Nezindlela Eziyisi-7 Ezisekelwe Uchwepheshe Zokubhekana Nakho

“Ngizizwa nginecala ngisho nokukhuluma ngaye kanje,” kusho ikhasimende lami, cishe imizuzu engu-45 kumhlangano, “Akangishayi ngempela noma angithethise, nokho ngilapha ngikhononda ngokuthi kunzima kangakanani ukuhlala naye. Ingabe yimina inkinga?” ebuza ehlengezela izinyembezi zokuzisola nokungakwazi ukuzibamba.

Kwangithatha izikhathi ezintathu kanye nokuzivocavoca okuningi naye ngaphambi kokuba ngimchazele ukuthi ayebhekene nakho kwakuwukuhlukunyezwa buthule nokuthi wayesebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo. Kwaba nzima kuye ukuthi aqonde ukuthi ukuthula noma ukuphambana naye kwakuyindlela yomlingani wakhe yokumsonta ingalo futhi emhlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Kuye, nakwabanye abaningi, kunzima ukuhlobanisa ukuhlukumeza nokuthula.

Wona kanye umqondo wokungasho lutho uwuhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo uphakamisa inqwaba yemibuzo ezingqondweni zabantu. Ukuthula akuyona yini enye yezindlela ezingcono kakhulu zokuxazulula izingxabano? Akufanele yini ngempela abantu bahlehle bathule esikhundleni sokuklabalasa nokudinwa, ukulwa, nokukhala? Kuhlukumeza kanjani uma kungekho udlame olungokomzimba noma izinsolo ezinonya, ezihlabayo?

Hhayi, empeleni. Ukuhlukunyezwa kwempatho buthule yilapho umuntu esebenzisa ukuthula buthule njengendlela yokuhlukumeza ukuze alawule futhi ajezise ozakwethu abasebudlelwaneni bothando, futhi ezimeni ezinjalo, ukuthula akusona isinyathelo sokuxazulula izingxabano kodwa 'ukunqoba' eyodwa. Ukuze ukhanyise okwengeziwe ngobunkimbinkimbi bale ndlela yokukhohlisa ngobuqili, umqeqeshi wezokuxhumana Swathi Prakash (PG Diploma in Counselling and Family Therapy), ophinde agxile ekuxazululeni izinkinga ebudlelwaneni abashadile, ubhala ngokuhlukunyezwa kokwelashwa buthule kanye nendlela yokuhlonza nokubhekana nakho.

Yini Impela Ukuhlukumeza Ukwelashwa Okuthule

Zibone ngeso lengqondo ungabonakali kumlingani wakho usuku lonke. Zibone ngeso lengqondo useduze kwabo ngaphandle kokunakwa, ukuzwa, ukukhuluma nabo, noma ukunakwa. Ubabuza umbuzo futhi konke okutholayo ekuphenduleni ukuthula. Uhlala ngaphansi kophahla olulodwa kodwa badlule kuwe sengathi awukho. Bakhuluma nawo wonke umuntu oseduze, baqhulule amahlaya, futhi babuze ngosuku lwabo noma ukuthi bakuphi kuyilapho ubenza imisila njengezithunzi, ngaphandle kokuthi bakubheke.

Lokhu ukuhlukunyezwa kokwelashwa buthule, uhlobo lwe ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo. Uyeka ukuhlala ngozakwenu futhi lokhu kuyaqhubeka uze ugcine usuxolisa (kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubani onephutha) noma uvumelana nanoma yiziphi izimfuno zabo. Bakupholisa uze ungene phakathi kwemingcele abakubekele yona.

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IPsychology Of Buthule Treatment Abuse

Kuyinto evamile ukuba abantu bathathe ikhefu ngemva kokuxabana bese bephendukela ekuthuleni ukuze bagweme noma baqhubekisele phambili ingxabano esivele ishubile. Abeluleki bavame ukuncoma indlela 'yokuphuma isikhala' uma kwenzeka ozakwethu babonakala bexabana noma beshayisana ngokuwa phansi kwesigqoko. Ukuphuma 'endaweni eshisayo' ukuze uphole kungenye yezindlela ezingcono zokuzihlola, ukuhlaziya, ukuqonda nokufuna izixazululo.

Nakuba ubudlova obungokomzimba noma ukukhuluma ngomlomo kulimaza, amagama anonya angabangela umonakalo ohlala isikhathi eside ebudlelwaneni, ngezinye izikhathi abalingani basebenzisa ukuthula ukuze balawule omunye umlingani noma bamehliswe ngokomzwelo ukuba bavume, futhi lokhu kungaba uphawu lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Ngike ngaba namakhasimende akhonondayo, “Umyeni wami uyangithethisa. Ungizwisa ubuhlungu futhi ngezinye izikhathi kuba nengozi esheshayo yolaka lwakhe futhi.”

Akungabazeki ukuthi ukuziphatha okunjalo kuwuphawu olubomvu kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ubudlova basekhaya noma ukuthukana akukona ukuphela kwendlela omunye umlingani azwisa ngayo omunye ubuhlungu. Ukuthula kungaba yithuluzi elinamandla. Lapho impi ngayinye yesibili ibonakala iqondisa kuleli cala futhi ukuthula kuba ithuluzi elikhohlisayo, sekuyisikhathi sokubheka ujule futhi ubone ukuthi ingabe kuwukuxhashazwa kokuphathwa buthule nokuthi ingabe usebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo.

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Kungani Abantu Baphendukela Ekuhlukunyezweni Buthule

Ukungasho lutho kuwukuhlukumeza lapho ujeziswa ngokuthula futhi kungahlanganisa ukugwema, ukuhlukaniswa nomphakathi, kanye ukukhanda ngamatshe – ngalinye lalawa magama lichazwa ngama-nuances ahlukene kodwa intambo eyisisekelo ewahlanganisa wonke 'ukwenqaba ngokuphelele ukuxhumana nomunye umuntu' futhi ibafake ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo.

Kwesinye isikhathi, abantu baphendukela ekuhlukumezeni okungalawulekiyo, okuyisu elikhohlisayo elibeka icala ngokuhlukunyezwa kwabahlukunyeziwe. Ungase uzibuze ukuthi kungani abantu bephendukela ekuziphatheni okunjalo nokuthi yini ngempela efika emiqondweni yabo ebenza bakholelwe ukuthi ukukhanda umuntu ngamatshe kuyindlela ukuxazulula izingxabano nezimpikiswano. Nazi izizathu ezizwakalayo:

• Umdlalo wamandla: Uma abantu behlomisa ukuthula, kuvame ukuvela esidingweni sokuzizwa unamandla. Eqinisweni, kuvela endaweni engenamandla, futhi ukuthula buthule kubonakala kuyisu eliwusizo lokukhohlisa uzakwethu.
• Kubonakala kungenangozi: Ukungasho lutho kuwukuhlukumeza futhi ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo okunjalo kwenza abantu bazizwe sengathi abenzi lutho olungalungile. Kubona kanye nakwabanye, basebenzisa ubuhlungu namandla okwanele ngaphandle 'kokubukeka' behlukumeza nhlobo.
• Ubuntu obugwema ukungqubuzana: Izinhlobo zobuntu ezingenzi lutho, ezithola izimpikiswano kanye nokusebenzelana kwangaphambili njengenselele ngokuvamile ziphendukela ekuhlukunyezweni buthule njengoba isenzo sifeza injongo ngaphandle kokuba sesimweni esinzima. Bangase bakhethe ukuhlukumeza futhi basebenzise i-gaslighting ukuze babhale kabusha yonke indaba futhi babe yisisulu ezindabeni zabo.
• Ukuziphatha okufundile: Ucwaningo kwembula ukuthi izikhathi eziningi, abantu abangazange bakhulume ukuhlukunyezwa ngabazali ngeminyaka yabo yokukhula baphendukela kukho ngisho nasebudlelwaneni babo babantu abadala

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Kumthinta Kanjani Umamukeli

Sonke siye saba izisulu futhi sinecala lokusebenzisa amazwi aye alimaza abanye ngandlela-thile. Amagama aziwa ngokubonakaliswa kwawo okunonya. Ukuthukuthela, ukudumala, unya - yonke into ingasibekela endaweni eyodwa ngamazwi anonya, alimazayo, nokuhlukumeza ngamazwi. Ngokuvamile abeluleki baye baqaphela ukuthi lapho iklayenti lisho into efana nokuthi, "Umyeni wami uyangithethisa", kuba nomuzwa wokuqinisekisa esitatimendeni sawo. Banomuzwa wokuthi ukuhlukunyezwa kwabo kuyabonakala futhi imihuzuko iwubufakazi bokuthi badinga usizo.

Kodwa-ke, buza othile oke wathola ukwelashwa buthule, futhi uzokutshela ukuthi lolu hlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo luhlukanisa kanjani lube yizicucu. Ucwaningo kubonisa ukuthi ukucwaswa, nokunganakwa kunemiphumela ecindezelayo kubantu ngabanye. Ukuthula okuvala izindlebe nomuzwa wokuthi awusekho kumuntu omnakekelayo kwehlisa ukuzethemba kowamukelayo futhi kubonakale nasezinhlungwini zomzimba ngezinye izikhathi. 

Umuntu onikezwa impatho buthule njengendlela yokuhlukunyezwa uzizwa sengathi usesihlabathini esisheshayo esingokomzwelo futhi njengoba ezama kanzima ukuphuma kulesi simo, uyacwila futhi aphefumule nakakhulu. Ukunganakwa ebudlelwaneni kubi kakhulu, uma kungekubi ngokulinganayo, kunokuba semdlalweni omemezayo nozakwethu. Nansi eminye yemiphumela yayo:

• Okuhlukumezayo kunodlame olungokomzimba: Ababuyekezi bezokwelapha, ku-a cwaningo, qinisekisa ukuthi ukuphathwa buthule kubangela impendulo kuzisulu zakho ezifana nodlame olungokomzimba futhi izindawo ezisebuchosheni ezaziwa ngokuchaza imizwa nobuhlungu zisebenza kakhulu ekuhlukunyezweni buthule njengoba kwenzeka ezimweni zokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba.
• Ukuzethemba okulinyaziwe: Lapho othile ephathwa buthule, angase agcine enokuzethemba okudabukisayo nomuzwa wecala obeleselayo. Njengoba umlingani ethula, isisulu sidlala ummeli kasathane ezisola ngokuthi yiwo abangela ukungqubuzana.
• Ohambweni lwecala: Umuzwa wecala ngokuvamile ukhubaza impilo engokwengqondo yomuntu oyisisulu. Ngokuvamile bagcina sebezigxeka bona ngezinkinga, empeleni abanamandla phezu kwazo
• Ukuzethemba okuphansi: Izisulu zokuxhashazwa buthule ngokuvamile zigcina zinesizotha esiphansi. Izifundo ezibuyekezwe ontanga kanye ucwaningo baye baveza ukuthi abantu abathola ukwelashwa buthule baba nosongo ezidingweni zabo “zokuba, ukuzethemba, ukulawula nokuba khona okunenjongo” 

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Yiziphi Izimpawu Zokuthi Ukuthula Sekuphenduke Ukuhlukumeza

Wazi kanjani ukuthi uyahlukunyezwa ngokuthula? Nokho, kunamafulegi ambalwa abomvu futhi umuntu angakwazi uma ephathwa kabi uma:

• Ukuthula akukhona ukupholisa isimo kodwa ukulimaza umlingani
• Ukuthula kuthatha izinsuku futhi kuvame ukuba umkhuba
• Uzakwethu oyedwa uthola ukunquma uma ukuphela kokuphatha buthule. Omunye umlingani akanalo izwi, uphawu olucacile lokuthi kukhona ukuntula inhlonipho ebuhlotsheni, futhi leli phethini lidla kancane kancane empilweni yabo yengqondo
• Impatho buthule iqondiswe kumuntu oyedwa kuphela kuyilapho konke okunye ukuxhumana kusaqhubeka ngokujwayelekile
• Ukungasho lutho kusetshenziselwa ukwenza omunye umuntu 'aqonde iphutha lakhe' noma 'axolise'
• Ukwelashwa buthule kusetshenziswa njengendlela elawula imizwelo futhi kuholela ebuhlungwini obungokomzwelo kulowo ohlukunyeziwe

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Amathiphu angu-7 Asekelwe Ochwepheshe Okubhekana Nokuhlukunyezwa Kokwelashwa Buthule

Akunangozi ukuthi, “Angifuni ukukhuluma ngalolu daba njengamanje” noma “Ngicabanga ukuthi ngidinga indawo ethile. Angikwazi ukubhekana nalo njengamanje.” Nokho, lapho isitatimende sithi noma sisho ukuthi, “Ngeke ngikhulume nawe uze uqonde ukuthi uyinkinga” noma “Kungcono ushintshe noma uqhelelane nami” ngokuqinisekile kusho inkinga. Khumbula uma usubonile ukuthi uyisisulu, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokuhlukunyezwa kokwelashwa buthule.

Ezimweni ezinjalo lapho umhlukumezi esebenzisa indlela yokuthula ukuze ajezise uzakwethu futhi alawule ebudlelwaneni obuseduze, kubalulekile ukufuna izindlela zokubhekana nokuhlukunyezwa kokuphathwa buthule esikhundleni sokuzitika. ukuzilimaza ebudlelwaneni. Uma ubona ukuhlukunyezwa okunjalo okuvela kumlingani wakho, sukuma (futhi mhlawumbe uhlehle) futhi usebenzise lawa macebiso ukuze ulwe nokuziphatha okunjalo okusekelwe ucwaningo futhi okunconywe ochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo.

1. Lawula imizwa yakho

Ngokushesha nje lapho ukwelapha buthule sekudlulela ekuhlukunyezweni nasekulawuleni, yeka imizwa yakho ingakukhubeki ngokuba necala. Okokuqala, zitshele ukuthi ukuthula ungakhulumi kumayelana nabo kunawe. Akulona iphutha lakho uma bengakhulumisani nawe. Akulona iphutha lakho uma becabanga ukuthi ukunikeza ihlombe elibandayo kuzogcina kukuphambanise ukuze uvume noma ungenalo iphutha.

2. Babize

Abantu abasebenzisa impatho buthule njengendlela yokuhlukumeza ngokuvamile i-passive-aggressive ekuziphatheni kwabo futhi ugweme ukuxhumana okuqondile noma ukubhekana. Kubo, ukweqa okunjalo kuyisixazululo esilula futhi akubenzi abantu ababi.

Ngakho-ke indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nazo iwukubabiza futhi uqambe isimo.

Babuze, "Ngiyabona ukuthi anikhulumi nami, yini inkinga?"

Babhekane nabo, "Ukhathazwa yini? Kungani ungaphenduli/ungakhulumi?"

Qiniseka ukuthi lapho ubabuza imibuzo enjalo, awuzibeki esimweni esingabazisayo. Isibonelo, ungasho ukuthi, "Kungani ungakhulumi? Kukhona engikwenzile?" Imibuzo enjalo eholayo izokwenza kube lula kakhulu kubo ukukubeka lonke icala kuwe futhi ikwenze uzizwe unecala. Khumbula ithiphu lokuqala: Ungabi ohambweni lwecala.

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3. Khuluma ngemizwa yakho

Ukuxhumana yilokho abafuna ukukugwema ngokuthula futhi ukuxhumana kuyindlela ongaqeda ngayo ukuhlukumeza okunjalo. Ngakho-ke, khuluma nabo futhi ukhulume imizwa yakho. Khumbula ukusebenzisa izitatimende ezithi 'Mina' esikhundleni sokwenza kube enye ingxabano eshisayo yokuthi ubani owenzeni! Esikhundleni sokuthi, “Ungenza ngizizwe nginesizungu futhi nginganakwa” noma “Kungani ungenza ngizizwe kanje?” zama ukukhuluma ngendlela ozizwa ngayo. Ngokwesibonelo, yithi “I sizizwa sinesizungu futhi sicindezelekile emshadweni wethu ngoba awukhulumi nami." "Ngikhungathekile ngoba asisakhulumi."

4. Bakhuthaze ukuthi bakhulume

Iningi labantu abasebenzisa ukuhlukunyezwa kwempatho buthule bangabakhulumi ababi. Abakwazi ukuveza imizwa yabo isikhathi esiningi ngakho-ke enye yezindlela ezingcono kakhulu zokuxazulula izimo ezinjalo ukuxhumana. Babuze ukuthi bazizwa kanjani, qaphela izwi labo, futhi uma kudingeka, babambe engxoxweni evulekile. Leyo yindlela enempilo yokuxazulula ukungqubuzana kanye nokukhetha okunempilo ukuvikela nokubaluleka kwakho.

Uma ungakwazi ukuvula indlela yengxoxo enjalo ngokuphumelelayo, khuthala futhi ube nozwela lapho bekhuluma. Uke wezwa ukuthi izinyathelo ezincane ngezinye izikhathi zingenza umehluko omkhulu? Nokho, lesi yileso sinyathelo esincane sokuthola indlela yokubhekana nokuhlukunyezwa kokwelashwa buthule!

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5. Yazi ukuthi kufanele uxolise nini

Kuhle ukuzihlola sibheke izenzo namazwi ethu esikhundleni sokugxila emaphutheni omunye umuntu. Uma umlingani wakho esebenzisa impatho buthule, akufanele ibekezelelwe, kodwa qiniseka ukuthi nawe awumonanga. Uma kwenzeka ubona ukuthi ezinye zezenzo zakho noma amazwi akho bekungafanelekile futhi bekungalimaza, kufanele wazi ukuthi nini futhi nini. ukuxolisa kanjani.

6. Beka imingcele futhi uzinike isikhathi sokuxazulula inkinga

Kwesinye isikhathi, 'manje' akusona isikhathi esingcono kakhulu sokuxazulula inkinga. Uma uzwa ukungezwani okukhulu phakathi kwenu nobabili noma unomuzwa wokuthi ukukhuluma kungase kwenze izinto zibe zimbi nakakhulu, hlehla futhi uzinike isikhathi sokuthula yeka umjikelezo wokulwa. Le ndlela 'yokuphelelwa yisikhathi' ingaba usizo kakhulu uma usola ukuthi kunethuba lokuthi izingxoxo zingadlulela ezingxabanweni.

7. Yazi ukuthi kufanele uyiyeke nini

Ukuhlukumeza nganoma yiluphi uhlobo kufanele kungamukeleki. Ngakho-ke uma kubonakala sengathi akukho lutho olusebenzayo noma uma umlingani wakho esebenzisa ukuthula buphezulu, ungavele uhlehle engxabanweni kodwa futhi uhlehle ebuhlotsheni. Khuluma nochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo futhi ufune iseluleko.

Ungakuvumeli ukuhlukunyezwa nokuziphatha okuyinkinga komunye umuntu konakalise impilo yakho. Ukuhlukumeza, kungaba ngezenzo, amazwi, ubuhlungu bomzimba, noma ukuthula okwesabekayo, kusewukuhlukumeza futhi kubangela ukuhlukumezeka okukhulu emoyeni. Kunezinombolo zenombolo yocingo kazwelonke yodlame lwasekhaya ongazishayela ukuze uthole usizo futhi. Chaza kahle isimo sakho, ubatshele ukuthi ubhekene naso udlame lwasekhaya, futhi ungazizwa unecala ngokubiza umlingani wakho ngokuziphatha kwakhe.

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Njengazo zonke ezinye izincazelo nezinkambiso, sifake 'ukuhlukumeza' ebhokisini elinobukhulu obungeyona into ethambile noma uketshezi. Leli bhokisi eligcwele izinto ezijwayelekile lihlanganisa kuphela ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi, ingozi esheshayo, ubuhlungu bomzimba, nokuziphatha okuthile, futhi ngeshwa, le nkambiso ilawula umqondo wabo bobabili ummangalelwa kanye nesisulu.

Ngakho, lapho umuntu othule ezwisa ubuhlungu futhi ehlukumeza omunye umuntu ebuhlotsheni bothando ngokuthula okubandayo nokunganaki, kwenza omunye umlingani azizwe edabukile futhi enecala. Kodwa ngoba isisulu akazi indlela yokusabela ekuphathweni buthule futhi ukuthula akungeni kunoma iyiphi incazelo 'yokuhlukumeza' ogulayo ngokuxakayo ubhekana nalokhu kuthula ngokuthula.

Uma kwenzeka uhlushwa impatho enjalo njalo, beka lolo nyawo phansi futhi ufune usizo. Uma ungenalo nhlobo ulwazi, iseluleko sochwepheshe esibalwe lapha kulula ukusisebenzisa futhi sibonile ukuthi izinguquko ezincane ezinjalo zisebenze kahle ekulawuleni ukungqubuzana. Shayela inombolo yocingo kazwelonke yodlame lwasekhaya noma uthinte noma yimuphi omunye uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo. Khumbula ukuthi kunolwandle losizo olulindele ukuthi ulucele, ngakho-ke makube ihange lakho, futhi ungahlupheki uthule.

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