11 Izimpawu Ukuthi Usebudlelwaneni Obubi

Uyazi ukuthi yini embi kunokubhekana nemicabango ephambene? Ukubhekana nomlingani onamandla angalungile ebudlelwaneni obungebuhle. Yebo, lokho kuningi kabi, kodwa iphuzu, ukungabi nandaba okuningi kungalimaza ubuhlobo. Ukuziphatha okungenampilo ebudlelwaneni kunendlela yokumunca amandla kuwe, okwenza impilo yansuku zonke ibonakale njengomzabalazo.

Uzizwa ukhathele ngokubambeka ku-loop engapheli yobuthi, kungaba yindlela yokukhuluma kabi, ukunganaki ngokomzwelo, noma umuzwa wokunganeliseki ongeke ubonakale ungawunyakazi. Uyazibuza, "Ingabe lezi zindlela zokuziphatha zijwayelekile ebudlelwaneni? Ngabe ngifanelwe ukuthotshiswa okungaka?" Nokho, nali iqiniso ngawe: Ufanelwe okungcono futhi sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ukuthole.

Yingakho, siphendukele kudokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Chavi Bhargava Sharma (Masters in Psychology), onolwazi olukhulu emikhakheni eyahlukene yempilo yengqondo kanye nokuphila kahle, okuhlanganisa nokwelulekwa kobudlelwano ukuze asisize sibone izimpawu zobudlelwano obunobuthi. Uqhathanisa ubudlelwano obungenampilo nokudla okonakele, “Ukuthandana nomuntu ongemuhle kufana nokudla isidlo esiphenduke saba sibi. Kungase kubukeke kukuhle ngokwanele ngaphandle, kodwa ekugcineni kuzokushiya uzizwa ugula.”

Bunjani Ubudlelwano Obubi

Uhlukanisa kanjani phakathi kokuhle nokubi? Uvele nje ukuhlobanise nemizwa yakho, akunjalo? Uma into ikwenza uzizwe kahle, iyakha, futhi uma uzizwa ubuhlungu noma unganelisekile, uyazi ukuthi ayikufanele. Kuyafana nangobudlelwano obunempilo nobungenampilo . Kodwa-ke, kungani izinto ziyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu ngalokho? Buyini ubudlelwano obubi?

Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi izici ezinobuthi ebudlelwaneni zivame ukucasha obala. Uma ifu lezothando likugubuzela, umbono wakho awufiphele kakhulu ngokujabula kanye nesasasa ukuze ubone izimfanelo ezingezinhle kuzakwethu. Kodwa njengoba isikhathi sihamba, uma uzwa sengathi ukuxhumana kwezothando kucindezela ubukhona bakho, ubuntu bakho, kanye nenjabulo emaphethelweni, kungenzeka ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obungebuhle. Ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni obungalungile kungakushiya nalokhu:

• Ukuntula ukuzethemba
• Izinkinga zokuthembana nokuzibophezela
• yokungazethembi
• Ukuzizwa ungavumelekile futhi ungaziswa
• Ukuzabalaza ukwehlisa ukuqapha kwakho
• Ukungahlaliseki kanye ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano
• Ubunzima bokwakha ubuhlobo obunempilo nomunye umuntu esikhathini esizayo

Uma uzizwa ungavikelekile noma uhlangabezana nemizwa engemihle efanayo kaningi, kubhale njengezimpawu eziyisixwayiso ezisobala zobudlelwano. Ngisho noma kungekho udlame lwasekhaya noma kungebona ubudlelwano obuthukayo, leli ifulegi elibomvu elikhomba ukuziphatha okunobuthi namaphethini. Ukukuqaphela kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokugqashula ezicini zobuhlobo ezingezinhle. Kodwa okokuqala, funda ukuze uqonde izimpawu ezisobala ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obungenampilo.

Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Zokuthi Ungase Ube Sebuhlotsheni Obubi

“Ingabe ngisebudlelwaneni obunobuthi?” UMary wazibuza lapho isoka lakhe ngaleso sikhathi, u-Andrew, emcela ukuba ashade naye. Babenezinyanga ezimbalwa bethandana futhi wavele wabuza umbuzo ngokuphazima kweso. Njengoba ayengumngane oseduze, uMary wayexoxe nami ngezindaba eziningi ezingathi sína kanye nemicabango engapheli engapheli ngobuhlobo ayelwa nabo.

Ekugcineni, lapho ethatha leli gxathu, waqaphela ukuthi ubudlelwano babo babungebona obuhle kakhulu okufanele buholele emshadweni futhi wenqaba isicelo . Iphutha elikhulu empilweni liyagwenywa! Kodwa akubona bonke abantu abathola ucingo lokugcina, njengoMary, ngokuphula amaphethini obuhlobo obubi.

Ungase ungaboni noma uphike ngokuba sebudlelwaneni obubi/obuhlukumezayo. Kodwa ukukhanya kwegesi, ukubiza ngamagama, ukuntuleka kokukhulumisana ngamazwi nokuhloniphana, nokunganeliseki okungapheli okungokomzwelo kukutshela okuthile. Odinga ukukwenza nje ukuba nesibindi ngokwanele ukuvuma amafulegi abomvu futhi uthole amagama alungile ukuchaza ubudlelwano obubi. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuba kuphuze kakhulu, naka izimpawu ezingu-11 zobudlelwane obungebuhle ezibalulwe ngezansi futhi ubone ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bumi kuphi:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Angu-9 Okukhulisa Ubuhlobo Nsuku Zonke

1. Umlingani wakho akakhombisi ukukhula komuntu siqu

Uma othile ebambeke ovalweni, kungaba nzima kuye ukubona isithombe esikhulu salokho okwenzeka ezimpilweni zakhe. Bangase baphathe abathandekayo babo ngokungenabulungisa ngenxa yokucabanga kwabo okuncane futhi babavimbele ekubeni bona abangcono kakhulu. Uma lokho kuzwakala njengomlingani wakho, khona-ke kungenzeka ukuthi usebudlelwaneni nomuntu ongalungile ongenawo umgomo obalulekile empilweni yakhe. Kunethuba lokuthi umlingani wakho angase angayazi le nkinga. Ngakho,

• Zama ukwabelana ngemigomo yakho yempilo yomuntu siqu kanye nabo futhi ubone ukuthi lokho kuyabakhipha yini esimweni sabo sengqondo sokuzibekela isikhathi
• Bakhuthaze ukuthi bathole intshisekelo yabo empilweni futhi baphishekele lokho
• Siza uzakwenu enze imigomo yesikhathi esifushane neyesikhathi eside ukuze ahlale egqugquzelekile

Uma kungekho lutho olubonakala lusebenza, futhi ufuna ukuphuma, kulungile. Kuncane kakhulu ongakwenza njengomlingani osekelayo . Kodwa intengo oyikhokhayo ngokuhlala ebudlelwaneni obungaphelele lapho ukukhula kwakho komuntu siqu kuphazanyiswa khona ngenxa yokuntuleka kwamandla komunye umuntu ayifanele neze ukubanjwa.

2. Umlingani wakho unenkinga yokwenza nokugcina abangani

Abantu abangenathemba bavame ukuxosha abanye futhi bavame ukushiya abantu ababazungezile bekhathele ngokomzwelo. Akekho ofuna ukuba seduze nomuntu omshiya ekhathele futhi eyincithakalo. Uma umlingani wakho ekuthola kunzima ukulondoloza ubungane noma okunye ukuxhumana okunenjongo, lokho onakho ezandleni zakho kungesinye sezibonelo zobudlelwane obungebuhle zakudala. Ngitshele, ingabe uke uzithole ucabanga, "Kungani kuzwakala sengathi ubuhlobo bami obungalungile buyangiqeda amandla?" Nasi isizathu:

• Abantu ababambelele ebudlelwaneni obungemnandi nabo bagcina bephelile ukulahlekelwa ubungane babo
• Ukungaboni kahle okuvela ebudlelwaneni bakho kungase kuqale ukusakazeka kobunye ubudlelwano obubalulekile empilweni yakho, kuxoshe labo ababaluleke kakhulu.
• Umlingani wakho angase alawule ngokwanele ukuze akutshele ukuthi ubani ongabonayo nongamboni noma abe luhlaza kubantu abasondelene nawe
• Ukuziba lezi zimpawu zozakwethu onobuthi kungaba nemiphumela engathi sína empilweni yakho yomuntu siqu kanye nempilo yengqondo

UDkt. Sharma uthi, “Ukungabi nandaba kungenye yezici eziyingozi kakhulu zobudlelwano banamuhla. Kuyakwazi ukubhidliza izibopho eziqinile ngokomzwelo. Ukuwohloka kobungane kanye nokuxhumana okunenjongo kuvame ukuba uphawu lokuthi umuntu uhlushwa umqondo ongemuhle.”

3. Izinkinga zokuxhumana

Ukukhulumisana okungekuhle phakathi kwabalingani ababili kungenye yezimpawu ezinkulu zobudlelwano obungenampilo futhi nakanjani kuzodala izinkinga eziningi. Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana kungabangelwa izinto eziningi ezahlukene. Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umsuka uyini, kungadala ukungabi nandaba ebudlelwaneni.

Uma umlingani wakho egwema izingxoxo ukuze axazulule ukungqubuzana, uma ekujikijela ngamatshe izinsuku ezilandelanayo, uma ekwenza uzizwe ungezwakali njengomuntu ongekho futhi ngokuvamile esabela emazwini akho esikhundleni sokuphendula, sithi yizindaba ezimbi. Awukwazi ukuphila ebudlelwaneni ngemizamo yohlangothi olulodwa uma umlingani wakho engabonisi intshisekelo noma engenzi mzamo wokugcina isibopho siphila.

4. Uqala ukugwema umlingani wakho

Esinye sezibonakaliso zobudlelwano obungebuhle ukuthi uqala ukugwema ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye. Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi amazwi omlingani wakho ayakucasula ngokomzwelo noma abonakala njengomuntu okude kakhulu ongasakwazi ukuzwelana naye. Ngokwemvelo, ikhofi nosebenza naye ekhefini lasehhovisi libonakala lijabulisa kakhulu kuwe kunobusuku bokuqomisana nomlingani wakho.

Futhi akukhona ukuthi ingxenye yakho ayizibuzi, "Indlela yokulungisa ubudlelwano obunobuthi?" Kodwa ukuba nomlingani wakho kuzwakala njengesijeziso, okwenza ulahlekelwe yiwo wonke ugqozi lokusebenzela ukulawula umonakalo nokwenza ubuhlobo bube buhle. Kuyiqiniso elibangela cishe bonke ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo. Sincoma ngokuqinile inqubomgomo yokungabekezeleli ubudlelwano obulimazayo ngokomzimba. Kodwa-ke, uma ukuhamba kungeyona inketho, umeluleki wobudlelwano angakusiza ukukuhlomisa ngezindlela ezinempilo zokubhekana nesimo.

5. Uhlala uzizwa kabi ngawe

Kufanele uzizwe ukhululekile ukuba nguwe weqiniso eduze komlingani wakho. Umlingani wakho akufanele nje aveze okuhle kuwena kodwa futhi akusize ube uhlobo lomuntu ofisa ukuba yilo. Kodwa-ke, uma usothandweni nomuntu ongemuhle, kuthinta isimo sakho sonke. Kungaba yingoba balokhu bekubeka phansi noma bakwenze uzizwe sengathi awenele. Ngakho-ke, nakhu okwenzeka ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi:

• Ufihla izici ezithile zempilo yakho kumlingani wakho. Ngokwesibonelo, izindaba zokukhushulwa esikhundleni ngoba zingase zisongelwa
• Awukwazi ukujabulela izinto ozithandayo uma unabo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ulalele umculo we-rock, ukhulumela phezulu, noma ngisho nokuthuka inhlamba kaninginingi.
• Ukuthandana nomuntu ongemuhle kungenza kube nzima ukukholelwa kuwena
• Okwesibili uqagela zonke izinqumo ozenzayo, amandla akho, ukwahlulela kwakho, kanye nezimfanelo obuhlale uzincoma ngawe
• "Ingabe kufanele lokhu? Cishe ngilindele ngokweqile" - lolo uhlobo lwenqubo yokucabanga oyitholayo ngenxa yokubhekana nokuziphatha okunobuthi kozakwethu isikhathi eside

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuzithanda – Amathiphu angu-21 Okuzithanda

6. Izinto zihlale zishubile

Ubudlelwano obuhle buyavuza futhi bujabulisa. Bobabili abalingani bayakujabulela ukuba ndawonye futhi bazizwa bekhululekile komunye nomunye. Uma kungenjalo ngendlela ozizwa ngayo kweyakho futhi uhlala uhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda eduze komlingani wakho , kungenye yezibonelo zobudlelwano obubi obuvamile. Ake sithi uzama ukubenzela into enhle - mhlawumbe ubaphekele ukudla bese begxeka ukupheka kwakho - khona-ke kuyisimo sokuvuka ukuze ubone izici ezinobuthi ebuhlotsheni.

UDkt. Sharma uthi, “Wonke umbhangqwana unezinkinga, kodwa uma ukungaboni ngaso linye kuncane kuholela ezimpini ezinkulu, lokhu kuwuphawu lokuthi kukhona into engathi sína eyenzekayo. Ubudlelwano obunempilo awakhelwe ezingxabanweni eziqhubekayo. Badinga ukubambisana nokuvumelana ukuze kuchume. Hhayi ukungqubuzana kwamakhanda, imibono, nokuzikhukhumeza.

7. Anilalelani

Sesixoxile kakade ngendlela ukuxhumana okuhle okubaluleke ngayo kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano obunempilo. Futhi ukuxhumana akukhona ukusho into yakho nokungalaleli lokho omunye umuntu akushoyo. Ngaleyo ndlela ngeke ukwazi ukwakha ubudlelwano obungokomzwelo nomlingani wakho ingasaphathwa eyokuthola ukuthi ungazixazulula kanjani izinkinga zobudlelwano ezingaxazululwanga.

Kodwa-ke, uma uzithola ungakwazi ukubhekana nenqwaba yezinto ezimbi eziphuma emlonyeni womlingani wakho, kusho ukuthi ubudlelwano buyalimala. Uma uthola ukuthi awuvamisile ukulalela okushiwo umlingani wakho noma abavamisile ukulalela okushoyo, lokhu kungaba udaba okufanele lubhekisiswe ukuze uthole isheke elingokoqobo ngesimo sobudlelwano benu.

8. Unezinkinga zokwethembana

Ukuthola ubunzima bokuthemba umlingani wakho kuyisithiyo esingashukumisa isisekelo sanoma yiluphi ubudlelwano. Lezi zinkinga zokuthembana zingase zibe khona ebudlelwaneni kusukela ekuqaleni (ngenxa yemithwalo yemizwa yomlingani ngamunye) noma zingase ziguquke ngokuhamba kwesikhathi njengoba ubudlelwano budlula ezinkingeni nasezinkingeni. Ukuqamba amanga, ukukhohlisa, kanye nokungathembeki ebudlelwaneni, isibonelo, kungaba yizimbangela ezivamile zezinkinga zokuthembana , ezibonakala kanje:

• Ukungakwazi ukukholwa abakutshela kona
• Ukuzwa isidingo sokuqinisekisa izindaba zabo
• Ukungakwazi ukuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni ngokugcwele
• Isifiso sokuhlola ngokunyenya ukuthi kwenzakalani empilweni yabo – ukuhlola amafoni abo, isibonelo
• Ukuzizwa ukhathazekile lapho ungekho emehlweni akho
• Ukwesaba ukulahlwa nomona izikhathi eziningi

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ubudlelwano Nezifundo: Izinto Ezi-4 Ongazifunda Ngawe Ebudlelwaneni Obudlule

9. Umlingani wakho uzama ukukulawula

Umfundi wethu, u-Tania wase-Oakland, wabelana nathi ngendaba yakhe, “Ngake ngajola nensizwa eyayiziphethe kahle ngokwemvelo. Ngisho noma ngenza wonke umsebenzi, yayigiya endlini ingitshele ukuthi ngizigeza kanjani izitsha, engingakwazi noma engingakwazi ukuzigqoka esidlweni sakusihlwa somndeni, egxeka yonke into encane ngempilo yami futhi ekhuluma ngokuphazanyiswa okuncane engangiye ngaba nakho kulolu suku. ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo ngokwengqondo.”

Sithembe, awudingi ukufuna ezinye izici ezimbi zobudlelwano uma unomlingani ongakwazi ukulawula . Gijima lapho kuqala uphawu ungabheki emuva! Impilo engcono ikulindile.

10. Babeka izaba ngokuziphatha kwabo

Abantu abaningi abanengqondo enobuthi bavame ukuba nenkinga yokuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zabo. Bayala ukuzibona bengemuhle. Uma umlingani wakho enza izinto ezikucasulayo kodwa enze izaba esikhundleni sokwamukela amaphutha akhe, cishe uthandana nomuntu ongemuhle.

Ukuhlala ubeka izaba zokuziphatha kwabo okubi kuwuphawu lokuthi umuntu akanaso isifiso sokwenza izinguquko. Laba bantu bakuthola kunzima ukubhekana nokungaqiniseki kwabo nokusebenza kukho. Uma usukhathele yizaba zomlingani wakho, sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ushayele ucingo mayelana nokuthi ubuhlobo kufanele buqhubeke kuphi kusukela lapho.

11. Imicabango ebuhlungu ngobudlelwano

Ungalokothi uzibe ukuthambekela kwakho kwemvelo uma kuziwa ezindabeni zenhliziyo. Uma ulwa nemicabango ephazamisayo mayelana nobudlelwano, kungase kube nesizathu esihle ngemuva kwakho. Uma uchitha ingxenye enkulu yosuku lwakho uzungeze umuntu onobuthi, okunye ukungabi nandaba kwakhe kungena nasengqondweni yakho. Ngokwemvelo, indlela yakho yokucabanga iyathinteka.

UDkt. Sharma uthi, “ Ukucabanga ngokweqile ngobudlelwano , impilo, ezezimali kanye nezinye izici zempilo yakho kungaba yinto elimazayo ekukhuleni nasekuphileni kwakho komuntu siqu. Kungazwakala njengedwala elikhulu, elikusindisile. Ukulwa nemicabango emibi engapheli ngobudlelwano kungaba uphawu lokugcina lokuthi udinga ukushintsha izinto zibe ngcono.”

Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Usebudlelwaneni Obubi

Uma uhlangabezana nanoma yiziphi izimpawu ezingenhla ebuhlotsheni bakho, ungazisheshi. Nakuba izici ezimbalwa ezimbi noma ezinye izinkinga zobudlelwane zingase zingabonakali njengento enkulu ekuqaleni, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi zingaba nemiphumela emibi kakhulu, empilweni yakho kanye nempilo yakho yengqondo. Siyaqonda ukuthi ukwephula amaphethini obudlelwano obubi akuwona umdlalo wengane kodwa uma usola ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ukhona, cabanga kahle ukubhekana nalesi simo ukuze uthuthukise impilo yakho yengqondo:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukulungisa Ubudlelwano Obunobuthi - Izindlela Ezingu-21 Zokuphulukisa Ndawonye

• Khumbula, abantu bayashintsha ngohlobo olufanele losizo, uzwela, nesikhuthazo kanjalo nomlingani wakho angashintsha
• Kufanele uzinqumele ukuthi lo muntu ukufanele yini ukulwela uma unikezwe zonke izinto okufanele uzibekezelele okwamanje
• Qaphela ukuba khona kokuthambekela okunobuthi “kwezinsolo, ukusola, ukugxeka kanye nokufuna” ebuhlotsheni bakho, futhi ubhekane nakho ngakunye ukuze wephule iphethini.
• Qondani ukuthi nihlehlisana nini futhi kanjani
• Gxila ekugxekeni okwakhayo futhi ukuxazulula izingxabano ngisho noma lokho kusho ukuba nochungechunge lwezingxoxo ezingakhululekile
• Kufanele uqine kakhulu, uzethembe ngokwengeziwe esikhumbeni sakho, futhi ukhulume kakhulu ukuze uzwakale futhi wamukelwe.
• Yenza ukuzinakekela kube yinto yokuqala - thatha ikhefu kukho konke ukuklabalasa futhi uhambe uhambo uwedwa uma lokho kukusiza ukuba uhlale uphilile.
• Thembela kumalungu omndeni wakho, abangani, kanye nobathandayo ukuze uthole ukwesekwa. Ungabafihli ukuthi unenkinga ngoba uzizwa unamahloni, unamahloni noma ungafuni ukudatshukelwa. Abakuthandayo bazoba lapho kuwe, ngaphandle kokwahlulela
• Uma nobabili wena nomlingani wakho nizibophezele ekuphuleni le phethini, funani usizo lochwepheshe ukuze nithole indlela eya phambili. Ukwelashwa kungakusiza wenze umqondo wemizwa yakho futhi uthole indlela eya phambili. Ngobuningi babelaphi abanolwazi, abanelayisensi kuphaneli ye-Bonobology, usizo kuphela a chofoza okuthiy

UDkt. Sharma ukholelwa ukuthi ubudlelwano obungenampilo bungashintshwa uma umbhangqwana njengeyunithi uzimisele ukuba ngcono. “Endabeni yemishado esinesikhathi eside, ikakhulukazi uma kuhileleke izingane, umbhangqwana ungakwazi futhi kufanele uthuthukise ubuhlobo bawo ngemizamo yokuzinikela,” uyaphikelela ngaphambi kokwengeza, “Uma ubuhlobo busesigabeni sokuqala, nokho, ukuphuma kubo kungase kube enye indlela engcono kakhulu.”

Njengoba wazi, ukuvuma inkinga kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuqala inqubo yokuphulukisa. Sithi kuyinqubekelaphambili vele ukuthi usufike lapha ukuze ujwayelane nazo zonke izici zobudlelwano obungebuhle futhi uthole izindlela zokubhekana nakho. Qaphela ukuthi ubuhlobo obubodwa obubi abusho ukuphela kwezwe. Akekho ongakuphoqa ukuthi unamathele kulobu budlelwano. Ngakho-ke, noma nini lapho ukungabi bikho kubonakala kungenakubekezelelwa, thola indlela yokuphuma.

Le ndatshana ibuyekezwe ngoJuni 2023. 

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Izindlela Eziyi-11 Uzakwethu Ongavikelekile Uchitha Ubudlelwano Nezindlela Ezi-5 Zokukulungisa

Ukushiswa Kobudlelwane: Izimbangela, Izimpawu Namathiphu Okunqoba

Izinselelo Eziyi-11 Zobudlelwano Cishe Wonke Umuntu Kufanele Abhekane Nazo - Ngezixazululo

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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