13 Ngā Tohu o Ngā Take Whakawhirinaki me Me Pēhea te Whakakore i a Rātou

Kua kore e taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa nā te tinihanga o mua? He maha tonu āu tirotiro i tō hoa, e whakaaroaro ana ki ōna take, ā, kāore ā rātou whakamārama e whakamarie i a koe? Kei te whakaaro koe ki ngā āhuatanga kino rawa atu i te tīmatanga o te raruraru i roto i tō whanaungatanga, ā, ka tīmata ki te rapu huarahi? Āe, koinei ētahi tohu tohu kei a koe ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki me aro wawe ki te whakatika.

Ahakoa he raruraru te kore whakawhirinaki ki tētahi whanaungatanga, he tohu anō hoki tēnei mō ngā take hohonu ake e whakararuraru ana i tō hononga. Hei tauira, mēnā kua tinihangatia koe, kua tekahia, kua whara, kua whakarērea rānei e tō hoa o nāianei, e tō hoa o mua rānei, e tētahi atu rānei e tata ana ki a koe (pērā i tētahi mātua i whakawhirinaki koe ki te tiaki i a koe engari kāore), tērā pea kāore te whakawhirinaki e puta noa mai ki a koe i ēnei rā. 

Tērā pea ka ruarua koe i te hunga e karapoti ana i a koe, ā, ka rere atu i ngā āhuatanga. Hei tauira, i te wā ka tīmata te whanaungatanga aroha ki te huri hei whanaungatanga pakari, kaua ki te harikoa me te haumaru, ka tīmata koe ki te mataku, ka rapu huarahi hei tiaki i a koe kei whara anō. Ka ārai pea tēnei i te hanga whanaungatanga pumau ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki, ka waiho he ara o ngā hononga poto noa iho—ko ia hononga ka puta ake ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki.

Heoi anō, ka taea e tēnei te huri hei porowhita kino e whakararu ana i te kare ā-roto. Nō reira, me pēhea e taea ai e koe te wehe atu i tēnei? Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te rapu huarahi mā te aro atu ki te āhua o te kore e taea te whakawhirinaki, ngā take e puta ai ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki, me pēhea te whakatau i aua raruraru, me te mahi tahi me te tohunga hinengaro haumanu. Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Te Whare Wānanga o Manchester), te kaiwhakaū o Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, he tohunga ki te tohutohu i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine me te whakaora whānau. 

He aha ngā take whakawhirinaki? 

He raruraru whakawhirinaki tōku, e whakaaro ana koe? Kia taea ai e koe te aromatawai tika, me tautuhi tuatahi koe he aha ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki. He māmā noa iho, ko te whai raruraru whakawhirinaki he uaua ki a koe te whakapono he pono, he pono, he pono hoki ētahi atu tāngata. Kei roto i tēnei ko te hunga o roto i tō porowhita, tae atu ki tō hoa piripono. Ka puta tēnei ina pakaru te whakawhirinaki nā te tinihanga, te tinihanga, te tinihanga rānei, ka arahi ki te wehi kei whara anō koe. 

Ko te tikanga, ko te kore e taea te whakawhirinaki ki ētahi atu he tikanga tiaki e whakawhanakehia ana e koe hei tiaki i a koe anō. Heoi, ko te raruraru, ka puta mai i roto i ētahi whanonga kino pēnei i te hae paitini, te ruarua, te pātai tonu rānei. I roto i ngā whanaungatanga piripono, ka taea e ēnei whanonga te aukati i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora me te whanaungatanga piripono.

E kī ana a Devaleena, "Ka hangaia te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga mā roto i ngā mahi iti pēnei i te wā e whakaatu ana tetahi hoa i te ngoikore, ka aro atu tetahi me te āta. Heoi, ki te raru koe i ngā take whakawhirinaki, tera pea ka uaua ki a koe te whakaae ki ēnei wā me te mea kei roto tonu, ā, ka rapu tonu pea koe i tētahi take huna, ka tatari rānei kia taka te hu o tetahi atu nā te mea e hiahia ana koe ki te tiaki i a koe anō."

Ki te kore e whakatauhia, ka taea e tēnei ia te hanga tawhiti aronganui. Mā te kore whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka āta pakaru te hononga i waenganui i te tokorua, ka wehea ai rāua. Ki te kore koe e hiahia ki te patu i tētahi atu whanaungatanga ki te aata o ō raruraru whakawhirinaki, me wehe atu koe i tēnei huringa kino, ka rapu huarahi hei whakatau i ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki me ngā āwangawanga. Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki taua huarahi ko te tautuhi i te raruraru. Hei whakatutuki i tēnā, me titiro tātou ki ētahi tohu o ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki. 

Te pānui e pā ana: He aha te āhua o te aituā i te kī wawe rawa atu 'Kei te aroha ahau ki a koe'

13 Ngā Tohu He Take Whakawhirinaki Kei a Koe I Roto I Te Hononga

Nā, he aha te āhua o ngā tohu o te kore whakawhirinaki ki tētahi whanaungatanga? He tino pai te whakarāpopototanga o tētahi pātai a te kaipānui i tukuna ki a Bonobology. I tuhituhi a Ashley, he 23-tau te pakeke nō Dallas, ki tā mātou rōpū kaitohutohu o roto, me te kī, "He maha ngā wheako kino i pā mai ki ahau i roto i taku ao whakaipoipo i mua, nā reira i kore ai ahau e hiahia ki te tīmata i tētahi whanaungatanga hou. Heoi, i muri mai ka tūtaki ahau ki tētahi tangata nāna i whakaatu mai ki ahau kāore te katoa i te rite, ā, ka aroha ahau ki a ia. 

"I mahara ahau kua tūtaki ahau ki taku hoa rangatira i taku tūtakitanga ki a ia. I tino pai ngā mea i waenganui i a māua i te tīmatanga, kātahi ka kitea e au he ... whanaungatanga anō-anō-anō me tētahi kōtiro nō tōna rohe. Nā tēnei kitenga i whakapōrearea ahau. I tētahi atu taha, e pōuri ana ia mō te nuinga o ngā tāne i roto i taku tari, ā, kua waiho tēnei hei wāhanga mamae anō o tō māua whanaungatanga. Kei te ruarua tonu māua tetahi i tetahi, ā, kāore i taea te aro atu. Nā tēnei i pōuri ai māua, e pātai tonu ana tetahi i tetahi, e whakaaro tonu ana kei te tinihanga tetahi i tetahi. Ki taku whakaaro kei te pāngia tō māua whanaungatanga o mua e ō māua whanaungatanga. Kei te whakaaro ahau ki te wehe i a ia.”

Ka kite koe, ina ngaro te whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka uaua pea te whakaoti me te whai hua. He mea nui kia tangohia atu ēnei. Ko te tikanga o tēnā ko te mārama ki te putanga mai o ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki. Nō reira, i tua atu i te whakapae, he aha ētahi tohu o ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki? Anei ngā whanonga 13 e tohu ana he uaua ki a koe te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa: 

1. Kei te tatari tonu koe kia taka te hu kē atu

Whakaarohia tēnei: ​​Kei roto kōrua i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, te āhua nei kei te pai haere ngā mea katoa. Kei te harikoa kōrua, kei te pai ki te noho tahi, kei te tumanako ki te noho tahi, kei te whakapau kaha ki te whakarite i ngā mea nui mō tētahi ki tētahi, ā, kei te kaha ake te wairua i ia rā. Heoi anō, i roto i te hinengaro, ka pātai tonu koe i ia wā, i ia wā: "Me pēhea mēnā kei te whakaari noa taku hoa i a ia e pai ana?" "Kei te pai rawa atu rāua ki a ia nā te mea he mea kei te huna e rāua?"

Ka taea te huna i ngā āhuatanga pai katoa o tō whanaungatanga e te kare ā-roto e kore e taea te whakakore. Ka taea hoki e ia te hanga i a koe hei tangata pōuri te mataku ki te whakapau kahaE mea ana a Devaleena, "Mā te manukanuka i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, mā te mātakitaki rānei i ngā whanaungatanga kino o mua i roto i tō kāinga tamarikitanga ka pēnei ai koe. Mena kua kite koe i te tinihanga, i ngā mahi moepuku rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga o ō mātua, i te kore rānei e kitea ngā whanaungatanga hauora, ka pātai tonu koe ki tō hoa o nāianei."

Te pānui e pā ana: He raruraru whakawhirinaki kei a māua i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, kāore māua e mōhio me aha māua

2. He uaua ki a koe te whakaaro ki tō whanaungatanga mō te wā roa 

Kei te ahua pōuri koe i a koe e kōrero ana mō te roa o tō whanaungatanga? Ko te pātai noa iho "Kei hea tēnei e ahu atu ana?" a tō hoa, te āhua nei ka ngaro tō mana whakahaere, ka mutu rānei tō hononga ki a rātou? Ki te kōrerohia e rātou ngā mea pēnei i te marena, i ngā tamariki rānei, kei te hiahia koe ki te oma atu ki tētahi atu huarahi?

I roto i tōu mahunga, kei te tatari koe mō te aituā e tata mai ana mō te whanaungatanga, nā te mea kia pono tātou, e whakaaro ana koe ka mutu anō hoki tēnei whanaungatanga, pērā i ngā mea katoa. Ka taea e tēnei momo whakapono te meinga tō whanaungatanga kia paitiniHe mea kino te whakaaro tonu, "He aha te take o tēnei whanaungatanga?" nā te mea kāore koe i te tino aro ki te whanaungatanga i runga i te huarahi e tika ana kia harikoa ai kōrua tokorua.

3. Ko Snoopy tō ingoa waenga

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu e raru ana koe i ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki, ko te tirotiro haere me te pupuhi i ngā pātai maha ki tō hoa mēnā ka noho puku rātou ahakoa mō te wā poto me te kore e kōrero atu ki a koe i mua, mēnā kei te tomuri, kei te haere rānei ki te whakawhanaungatanga me te kore koe. Ka tere tonu te whakaaro o te tangata he raruraru whakawhirinaki tōna. i warewarehia i roto i te whanaungatanga ā, ka tīmata te whakaaro nui rawa ki ngā mea, ka arahina atu ki taua rauna pātai-whakautu tere.

Nā te mea kāore he kōrero a tō hoa e whakamarie ana i tō hinengaro whakahihi, ka tirotirohia e koe. Ā, he maha āu tirotiro. Te tirotiro i tā rātou waea hei kite i ngā karere WhatsApp hou i tae mai ki a rātou, te kimi puku rānei i tā rātou kupuhipa kia taea ai e koe te tirotiro i tā rātou waea i a tō hoa e kaukau ana—koinei katoa ngā take e raru ai ō kōrua whakawhirinaki.

4. E whakapono ana koe ki a rātou…engari kāore i te tino whakapono

Tērā pea ka menemene koe i te kōrero rorirori a tō hoa mōna te po kotiro ki waho engari kua tīmata kē tō hinengaro ki te kore e whakapono ki a ia. "I reira anō ia i taua wā?" "Kei te teka ia ki ahau he pō kōtiro noa iho. E tino mōhio ana ahau he tāne kei reira." Ko tō aro kei te whakapau kaha ki te kimi i ngā arai i roto i ngā kōrero a tō hoa, kaua ki te whakarongo pono ki ā rātou kōrero. Kei te ngana koe ki te whakaaro "he aha rawa" tā rātou i mahi ai? He kōrero taipitopito kei te waihotia e rātou? Kei te hunaia e rātou tetahi mea? He aha ngā mea kāore e kōrerotia ana e rātou ki a koe? Whakarārangihia noa iho, ka taea e tētahi kōrerorero ngāwari te huri hei take mō te pakanga. Koinei te pānga o ngā take whakawhirinaki ki tētahi whanaungatanga. 

5. Ka kino koe ina haere rātou ki ngā wāhi kāore koe

Ko tētahi atu tohu matua o ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki ko te ariā o te wāhi whaiaro i roto i te whanaungatanga ka akiaki i a koe ki runga i te pakitara. Te noho wehe i te wā He mea hauora tēnei mō ngā whanaungatanga katoa. He pai ki te nuinga o te tangata te wāhi takitahi e whiwhi ana rātou. Engari nā te mea he rerekē te whakawhirinaki ki a koe. E kino ana koe ina haere atu tō hoa me te kore koe, ā, ka whakaaro koe he tino kino rawa atu koe ki a ia. Nā te kore whakawhirinaki, kāore koe e whakamanawanui ki tetahi mea.

E mea ana a Devaleena, "Ka hiahia tonu koe ki tā rātou hoa, ā, ka noho tonu koe ki taua tangata. Kāore koe e pai ki te noho tawhiti rawa atu i tō hoa nā te mea he maha tonu ngā kare ā-roto e rere ana i roto i tō mahunga. He hae koe, he koretake, he whakapae, ā, he āwangawanga tonu kei te pai ake te wā o tō hoa i te korenga o koe."

Te pānui e pā ana: Tohutohu mō te whanaungatanga: 10 ngā mahi ngāwari hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga

6. Ko te ngāwari o te whakaohooho he tohu kei te raru koe i ngā take whakawhirinaki 

He mea whakamiharo te kite i ngā āhuatanga e puta ai ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki i roto i te tangata. Hei tauira, mā te tuku karere kuputuhi noa iho, kāore he emoji, ka āwangawanga koe kei te tuku karere pea tō hoa ki tētahi atu, ā, kāore ia e aroha ana ki a koe. I ētahi wā, kāore koe e mōhio he aha koe i pēnei ai te ngākau me te ngoikore.

He haurangi tōu huringa o te wairua ka waiho koe kia whakaaro ki ngā āhuatanga kino rawa atu, ka ruku ki roto i te hohonutanga o te ngakaukore. Ki te tangata kei tērā taha, ki tētahi rānei e mātakitaki ana i tēnei whanonga, tera pea te āhua nei kei te whakawhirinaki koe ki ngā take, kāore he take. Heoi, ehara tēnā i te pono. Ko ō wheako o mua te mea e whakaoho ana i ō wehi me ō āwangawanga, ka waiho koe me te poka i roto i tō puku. Ko te kore whakawhirinaki ka noho hei āhua noa iho, ā, kāore e taea e koe te ārai.

7. Te whakaaro tonu ki te āhuatanga kino rawa atu

E kī ana a Devaleena ki a tātou, "Kei roto tonu koe i te āhua tiaki nui rawa atu, me te tino mataara. Kei te tirotiro tonu koe, kei te rapu tonu i ngā tohu e kore e pono ana tō hoa. Ka taea hoki e tēnei te mea kia ārai koe, kia tumanako hoki kei te kino rawa atu ngā āhuatanga."

Kei te tumanako koe ka tinihangatia koe e tō hoa, ā, kei te rapu tonu koe i a ia hononga whero haki, koia te take e mataku ai koe i te mea kino rawa atu mā te iti o te pōrearea o tō whanaungatanga—kei te tinihanga rātou i a koe, kei te tuku i a koe, kei te huna i ngā mea i a koe, kei te teka rānei ki a koe. Kāore koe e hiahia ki tētahi taunakitanga, ki tētahi tohu rānei mō tā rātou mahi hē. Mā tō hinengaro koe e whakatenatena ko tāu ake putanga whakaaro o ngā kaupapa te pono. 

Te pānui e pā ana: 8 Ngā Wehi Noa i roto i ngā Hononga - Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga hei Whakakore 

8. E wehi ana koe kei whara koe i tō hoa

Ahakoa kua pakaru tō whakawhirinakitanga e tetahi i mua, kua pērā rānei te āhua i a koe e tipu ake ana, e tumanako ana koe ka pakaru tō whakawhirinakitanga i te mutunga. Kāore he tumanakohanga āu mō te hanga i tētahi whānau aroha, whanaungatanga pono me tō hoa. Kei te tatari noa koe kia whara koe i a rātou i tētahi rā.

Kei te āwangawanga koe mō te āhua o te whakaatu a tō hoa i tōna "tūturu" āhua i tētahi rā, me te āhua o te whakangaromanga rawa atu i a koe. Me te mea kei te tatari tonu koe kia werohia koe e te tangata i te tuara, nā te mea, ki ō kanohi, kāore he tangata e pono ana. Ko ia waea ngaro, ko ia wā ngaro whakamārama, ko ia pakanga ka whakangāwari i a koe, "Āe, anei rā! I mōhio noa ahau. I kite ahau i te haere mai i tawhiti."

9. He uaua ki a koe te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto 

Ki te mea kua whakawhirinaki koe ki tētahi, ā, kua whara koe nā tēnā, tera pea ka uaua ki a koe te whakaoho i te ngoikore i roto i tō whanaungatanga me te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto pono. Hei tauira, ka karo pea koe i te whakapuaki i ō mataku, i ō āwangawanga rānei ki tō hoa, me te mataku kei whakahengia koe e rātou, kei whakarērea rānei koe. Nō reira, ahakoa ka pātai atu tō hoa mō tō rā, kaua e kōrero mō tētahi wā uaua i te mahi, ka wareware noa koe, ka mea "he pai" ngā mea katoa, me te pupuri i te tawhiti kare ā-roto hei tiaki i a koe anō. Ka uaua ake pea te whakatipu i te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto, ka kore ai e taea e koe te whakawhanake i tētahi hononga nui atu i te taumata mata ki tō hoa aroha.

10. Me whakamanawa tonu koe 

Ka taea e koe te aroha ki tētahi, ā, kāore e whakawhirinaki ki a rātou? Ka taea e koe te tuku i tō hoa kia aroha ki a koe mēnā kāore koe e whakawhirinaki ki a rātou? Ka taea e koe te hanga i tētahi haumaru, whanaungatanga haumaru i te korenga o te whakawhirinaki? Kāo, kāo, kāo. Nā te mea ina ngaro te whakawhirinaki, ka ruarua tonu koe i ngā whakaaro me ngā hihiri o tō hoa. 

Ko te tikanga o tēnei he hiahia kia whakamanahia tonutia. Tērā pea ka pātai pinepine koe ki tō hoa mēnā e aroha ana ia ki a koe, mēnā rānei kei te harikoa ia i roto i te whanaungatanga. Hei tauira, ahakoa kua kī mai ia "E aroha ana ahau ki a koe," ka pātai tonu pea koe i ngā pātai pēnei i te, "He pono kei te tino kōrero koe?" "Kei te tino hiahia koe kia noho tahi tāua?" Mā tēnei hiahia tonu kia whakamanahia ka puta he raruraru i roto i te whanaungatanga, i te mea ka whakaaro pea tō hoa ahakoa te kaha o tana ngana, kāore e ranea āna mahi.

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Whakamana i roto i te Hononga: Te Tikanga, te Hiranga, me te Me pēhea te Rapu

11. Ka nui rawa tō tātari i ngā whanonga a tō hoa 

He maha ngā wā ka noho tahi ngā take o te tino mataara me te whakawhirinaki. Ki te mea he uaua ki te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa, ka taea e koe te tātari i ā rātou mahi me ā rātou kupu katoa, me te rapu i ngā tikanga huna me ngā tikanga huna. Hei tauira, ki te kore tō hoa e whakautu wawe ki tētahi karere kuputuhi, ka whakaaro pea koe kei te ngaro tōna hiahia, kei te kōrero rānei ki tētahi atu. Ki te haere atu rānei ia me ōna hoa, kaua ki te noho tahi me koe, ka whakaaro pea koe he tohu tēnei kāore tō hoa e pai ki a koe. I roto i te poto, ka tirotirohia tonutia tō hoa, ahakoa kāore ia i mahi i tetahi mea hei whakamana i tēnei whakapae.

12. I whakamatautauria tō whanaungatanga e koe

Ki te whakaaro koe me whakamātautau tō whanaungatanga, ā, he maha tonu āu mahi i taua mahi, kei te whakarite koe i te huarahi mō te hinganga. E kī ana a Devaleena, "Ko te whakamātautau i tō whanaungatanga, te whiu i ngā pōro ki tō hoa, te waihanga i ngā āhuatanga kino hei tirotiro i ngā tohu kei te tinihanga, kei te whara rānei tō hoa i a koe, he tohu nui katoa ēnei o te kore whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga."

13. Ka mutu ngā mea i mua i te whara o ngā mea (arā, te tangata) i a koe

Ina he raruraru whakawhirinaki tōu, ka tahuri koe ki te ngā whanonga whakakino i a koe anō nā te mea kāore koe e hiahia ki te hoatu i te mana, i te whai wāhi rānei ki tētahi atu ki te whara i a koe. Ki te noho koe, ka whara koe. Engari ki te wehe atu koe i a koe anō, kei te whiriwhiri koe ki te wehe hei tiaki i a koe mai i te mamae o te ngākau. Ā, mā tēnā, ka iti ake te mamae. Heoi anō, koinā te mea e whakaarohia ana e koe.

E kī ana a Devaleena, "Ko te tino take o te hunga he raruraru whakawhirinaki, ina whiwhi rātou i te tohu kāore e taea te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi, ko te tuatahi o ā rātou kare ā-roto ko te oma. Ka wehe atu rātou i te whanaungatanga ka oma me te mea kei te tatari noa rātou i te tohu e tika ana kia kaua e whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga."

Te pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Tohu e Pā Ana ō Hononga o Mua ki tō Hononga o Nāianei

He aha ahau i raru ai i te whakawhirinaki?

Nā te mea kua tirohia e koe ngā take whakawhirinaki me te āhua o te putanga mai i roto i te whanaungatanga, kua tae ki te wā ki te tahuri i tō tātou aro ki tētahi atu āhuatanga nui: he aha ai. Kia taea ai te whakaaro me pēhea te hanga whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga, me aro tuatahi koe ki te pātai whakararuraru, "He aha ahau i raru ai i te whakawhirinaki?" E ai ki tā tātou i kōrero ai, mai i ngā wheako o te tamarikitanga ki ngā whanaungatanga o mua, tae noa ki ngā whanonga o mua o te hoa o nāianei, he maha ngā āhuatanga ka meinga koe kia tupato ki te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi. I roto i ēnei, ko ngā take tino noa mō ngā take e raru ai te whakawhirinaki ko: 

• Ngā mātua whakahaere: Tērā pea he tamarikitanga paitini tōu, ā, he mātua tonu i whakahaere, i kore whakawhirinaki ki a koe.
• Te tukino i te tamarikitanga: Tērā pea kua pāngia koe e tukino tamarikitanga koia te take e kore ai e taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki tetahi i te pakeketanga
• Hei tango mai i ngā whanonga a ngā mātua: Mena i tinihanga ō mātua tetahi ki tetahi, ka uaua pea ki a koe te whakawhirinaki ki tetahi i te tipu ake i roto i taua āhuarangi 
• Te kite i tētahi whakarere pōrearea: Kua kite pea koe i ngā mātua e whakarere ana, ā, nā te kino katoa e pā mai ana, ka uaua ki a koe te whakawhirinaki ngāwari ki tētahi.
• Te mamae i te ringa o tētahi e arohaina ana e koe: Tērā pea kua tinihangatia koe e tō hoa o mua i aroha nui ai koe i ngā huarahi kāore i taea e koe te whakaaro, ā, nā te mamae nui i kore ai koe e whakawhirinaki anō ki tētahi.
• Ngā mahi a tō hoa: Tērā pea kua mahia e tō hoa tētahi mea—he tinihanga, he teka, he huna i ngā mea, kāore i tae mai ki a koe i te wā i tino hiahiatia ai rātou—kia ngaro ai tō whakawhirinaki ki a rātou.
• Te wehi i te whakapau kaha me te piripono: He tokomaha te hunga e mataku ana ki te whanaungatanga piripono, ā, ka mutu, ka whakakino i a rātou anō ahakoa kāore he mea e manukanuka ai rātou.

Me pēhea te wikitoria i ngā take whakawhirinaki

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te noho tahi me ngā tohu o te te kore whakawhirinaki ki tētahi whanaungatanga kei te haere noa rānei koe i roto i te ao kua kapi i ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki, kāore e taea te whakatuwhera pono ki tētahi atu, me te hono atu ki a rātou anō. Heoi, ahakoa kua uaua ki a koe te noho ngoikore me te whakawhirinaki ki ētahi atu i roto i ētahi wheako kino o te ao, ehara i te mea ka mate koe i roto i te ao me te kore e whiwhi hononga hohonu me ngā whanaungatanga pono. Ka taea te wikitoria i ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki. Anei ā mātou tohutohu e whitu i tautokona e ngā tohunga mō te wikitoria i ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki me te hono pono ki tō hoa:    

1. Whakaaetia, kia mārama hoki ki ō take whakawhirinaki

Kia mōhio koe ki ngā tohu, ā, kia mōhio hoki koe ki ngā take e raru ai te whakawhirinaki, whakaarohia ngā wheako o mua hei whakaoho i a koe. He mea nui tēnei te tinihanga o mua kāore e taea e koe te tuku atu o te mamae kāore anō kia whakatauhia? E kī ana a Devaleena, "Mā te mārama ki te pūtake o ō raruraru whakawhirinaki ka āwhina i te whakaputa i tētahi panoni tirohanga, kia kite ai koe i tō korenga e whakawhirinaki he mea i pā ki a koe, ehara i te mea he hē ki a koe."

Te tipanga 

He tino āwhina te tuhi i tētahi puka rātaka ki te tautuhi i ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te whakawhirinaki me ngā pūtake. Ka taea e koe te tīmata mā te kite me te tuhi i ngā tauira o te kore whakawhirinaki, me te whakamārama i ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te whakawhirinaki me te pānga ki ō whanonga me ō kare ā-roto. 

2. Kōrero māhorahora ki tō hoa

Mō te hanga whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga, e kī ana a Devaleena, "Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō ngā hiahia me te tuku i tō hoa ki te tū atu ki te whakatutuki i aua hiahia ko tētahi o ngā mahi hanga whakawhirinaki tino nui. Ahakoa te uaua o te āhua, me waiho e koe ō āwangawanga ki te taha, ka whakapuaki i ō hiahia." 

He huarahi whai hua te mārama ki te whakapuaki i ō wehi me ō āwangawanga whakatau i ngā āwangawanga me ngā take whakawhirinaki nā te mea ka mōhio tō hoa ki tō pūtake. Nō reira, ā te wā ka pāngia koe e tētahi āhuatanga, me whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa te āhua o ō kare ā-roto. Mā tēnei ka taea e koe te tuku i a rātou he wā ki te whakautu me te aroha, ā, mā tēnei pea ka āwhina i a koe kia kite kāore te āhuatanga i te kino pērā i tō whakaaro. 

Te tipanga 

Whakaritea he wā hei kōrero ki tō hoa mō ngā mea e whakaoho ana i a koe me te kore whakawhirinaki. Kia mōhio kei te tika te hinengaro o tō hoa ki te whiwhi me te tukatuka i ēnei kōrero. He mea nui te wā tika mō tēnei. 

Te pānui e pā ana: 11 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakapai Ake i te Whakawhitiwhiti Kōrero i roto i ngā Hononga

3. Werohia ngā whakaaro kino

He maha ngā wā, ko ngā take whakawhirinaki me te whakangaromanga o te tangata he taha e rua o te moni kotahi. Hei whakakore i ngā take whakawhirinaki, me wāwāhi e koe tēnei tauira. E kī ana a Devaleena, "Ko te wero i ō tātou whakaaro koretake he taputapu kaha hei wāwāhi i te huringa o te kore whakawhirinaki, me te waihanga wāhi mō te whakaaro whaitake, marino hoki."

Nō reira, ā tērā wā ka whakaaro koe kāore tō hoa i whakautu mai ki tāu karere nā te mea kei te moe rātou me tētahi atu mēnā rānei kei te tinihanga koe, me āta whakaaro anō koe ki te hanga i tētahi pūnaha whakaaro hou, me te kī atu ki a koe anō he pukumahi noa iho rātou. Mēnā ka mahi pinepine koe i tēnei, ka taea e koe te aukati i te porowhita o te kore whakawhirinaki.

Te tipanga 

Ina tīmata ngā whakaaro kino ki te whakauru i roto i tō hinengaro, kaua e tukua kia whakahaerea e rātou, me mutu, ka whakaaro, "He taunakitanga pakari hei tautoko i tēnei, kei te whakapae noa rānei ahau i runga i ngā wehi o mua?"

4. Tangohia ngā takahanga iti ki te whakaraerae

Me pēhea te hanga whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, e whakaaro ana koe? Tērā pea he whakamataku te whakautu engari he mea tino nui—te tuku i a koe kia ngoikore i mua i tō hoa. Tīmata mā te kōrero mō tētahi āwangawanga iti, te wehi, ngā wheako o mua rānei. Tirohia te urupare a tō hoa. Ki te mea ka meinga koe kia noho haumaru, ā, kāore e whakahē, e tawai rānei i a koe, ka taea e koe te neke haere ki ngā kōrerorero whakararuraru. 

Te tipanga 

He mea āwhina te tīmata ki te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro mō te wehi, te āwangawanga rānei kua taea e koe te whakahaere, te wikitoria rānei. Hei tauira, he wehi nō tō tamarikitanga, kātahi ka neke ki ngā kaupapa nui ake, e tika ana hoki. Ka āwhina tēnei ki te whakapakari ake i te whanaungatanga piripono. 

5. Hoatu ki to hoa te painga o te ruarua

Kaua e whakaaro noa ki te kino o tō hoa, engari me whakaaro noa iho rātou. Kaua e kī tika atu, "Āe, kāore ia i waea mai ki ahau i te rā katoa, e tino mōhio ana ahau." kei te ngaro tōna hiahia,” me kī atu ki a koe anō, “Ki te mea kāore anō rātou kia waea mai, tērā pea nā te mea kāore e taea e rātou.” Tirohia tō hoa rangatira mai i te tūranga whakawhirinaki, ā, kua tīmata kē koe ki te whakatakoto i te turanga o te whakawhirinaki i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ae, ehara i te mea me wareware koe ki ngā tohu kino engari me tuku wāhi mō ngā whakaaro pai.

Te tipanga 

Ki te mahi tō hoa i tētahi mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe i te whakawhirinaki, pātai atu ki a koe anō, "Me i whakawhirinaki katoa ahau ki a ia, me pēhea rā taku tauhohe i tēnei āhuatanga?"

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te wikitoria i ngā take whakawhirinaki — E 9 ngā tohutohu a te kaiwhakaora hinengaro

6. Rapua he awhina ngaio

He maha ngā wā he hohonu ngā take whakawhirinaki, ā, kāore pea e taea e koe te whakaoti i aua take ko koe anake—me te āwhina me te tautoko a tō hoa rangatira rānei. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he pai ki te mahi tahi me tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro, me tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro rānei, ki te wetewete i tō hītori, me te whakakapi i ngā tauira o te kore whakawhirinaki ki ngā tauira hauora ake. E kī ana a Devaleena, "Ka whakaratohia e te Therapy he wāhi haumaru hei whakaatu i ō mataku, me te hanga mārire i te whakawhirinaki i roto i tētahi taiao haumaru, ārahi."

Te tipanga

Rapua he kaiwhakaora hinengaro, he kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro rānei kua raihanahia, he tohunga ki te whakatau i ngā take whakawhirinaki i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. I mōhio koe ka taea e koe te whakamahi i te rongoā hinengaro mai i te whakamarie o tō kāinga mā roto i ngā wā mariko? Mena he mea tēnā e hiahia ana koe ki te tūhura, he tohunga hauora hinengaro mātau, he tohunga hoki ki te Te rōpū a Bonobology kei konei mo koe. 

7. Arotahi ki te ao o nāianei, kaua ki te ao o mua

E ai ki tā mātou i whakatau ai, ko ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki i ahu mai i ngā wheako o mua. Hei tauira, ki te kore tō hoa rangatira e tae atu ki a koe i tētahi wā tino nui—hei tauira, i te wā e mate ana koe, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te awhina hauora—tērā pea kāore koe e whakawhirinaki ki a ia ka tae mai anō i te wā e hiahiatia ana e koe nā te mea "koinā tā rātou i mahi ai i te wā whakamutunga." Heoi, ko te whakaatu i ngā mamae tawhito ki ngā āhuatanga o nāianei ka taea te whakakino i tētahi whanaungatangaHe mea nui kia tū pakari koe, kia noho tonu ki te ao o nāianei mā te arotahi ki ngā mahi a tō hoa i nāianei, kaua ki ngā tinihanga o mua.

Te tipanga

Ina kite koe kei te puta ake tō kore whakawhirinaki nā te mea he rite tonu te āhua o tētahi āhuatanga ki tētahi mea kino kua pā ki a koe i mua, me kī atu ki a koe anō, "He whanaungatanga/āhuatanga rerekē tēnei. Kāore taku hoa i homai he take ki ahau kia ruarua ai ahau i a rātou."

Pātai Auau

Thoughts Final

He wheako motuhake te noho me ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki, nā te mea ka ārai i a koe ki te hanga hononga pono. Heoi, mā te whakapau kaha tonu, ka taea e koe te ako ki te hanga whakawhirinaki i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ae, kāore he taurangi e kore tō hoa rangatira, tētahi atu rānei e whakawhirinakihia ana e koe e whara i a koe, engari ki te tino mahi koe ki te wikitoria i ō raruraru whakawhirinaki, ka ako koe ki te whakatau i aua āhuatanga me te kore e tukua kia pā ki ō mahi ā muri ake nei. Ka taea e tēnā te hanga i te rerekētanga nui ki tō oranga.

He aha ngā āhuatanga e whakamate ana i te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga? E whitu ā mātou rārangi!

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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