Zizindikiro 7 Zomwe Akulamulira Mu Ubale

Maubale ayenera kukhazikitsidwa pamalingaliro a mgwirizano wofanana. Mfundo yakuti anthu awiri omwe ali pachibwenzi amatchedwa 'okondedwa' amatsatira mfundo imeneyi. Komabe, kuchoka pamlingo uwu sikumveka. Izi zimapangitsa kuti m'modzi mwa okondedwawo atenge udindo wolamulira kapena wolamulira mu ubalewo.

Tikamalankhula za maubwenzi oterowo, nthawi zambiri, ndi munthu yemwe amafuna kulanda ulamuliro - chifukwa cha zaka zambiri za chikhalidwe cha makolo. Ngati mukukhala ndi kumverera kosalekeza kuti akulamulira mu chiyanjano, ndikofunikira kuti mutengepo kanthu ndikuzindikira mbendera zofiira.

Mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Pragati Sureka (MA mu Clinical Psychology, katswiri wamaphunziro ochokera ku Harvard Medical School), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa munthu payekha kudzera mu mphamvu zamaganizo, tiyeni tipeze chomwe chimapangitsa amuna kukhala olamulira muubwenzi ndi zizindikiro zoonekera bwino.

Kodi Ubale Wolamulira Ndi Chiyani?

Kuti mudziwe ngati akulamulira muubwenzi ndikuphunzira momwe mungathanirane ndi vutoli , muyenera kumvetsetsa tanthauzo la ubale wolamulira. Izi zimakhala zofunikira chifukwa zizindikiro zoti akulamulira zimatha kuwonekera mwa kusintha pang'ono kwa khalidwe.

Ubwenzi wolamulira ukhoza kufotokozedwa bwino kuti ndi pamene munthu wina amagonjetsa maganizo ndi kuyesera kulamulira momwe winayo akuyenera kuganiza, kumva, kuchita ndi khalidwe. Mungakhale otsimikiza kuti iye akulamulira muubwenzi pamene kufunikira kodzilamulira kumatsagana ndi kupsa mtima kofulumira, kutsutsa ndi kunyalanyaza kwathunthu malingaliro anu, malingaliro anu ndi zosowa zanu.

Zisonyezero za khalidwe loterolo zingakhale chirichonse kuyambira kukuuzani kuti musinthe diresi mpaka kukudulani pakati pa chiganizo kapena kukuuzani inu amene mungathe ndi amene simungakhoze kucheza nawo. Ngakhale zochitika zotere zimatha kukupatsirani malingaliro oti zalakwika, ndizovuta kuganiza kuti muli ndi chibwenzi/mwamuna yemwe amakulamulirani.

Chofunika kwambiri pa ubale wolamulira ndi kufunika kochepetsa mphamvu za mnzanu wina ngati njira yothetsera kusadzidalira kwanu . Ndikofunikira kudziwa machitidwe oipa awa chifukwa ubale wolamulira ukhoza kusokonekera mwachangu ndikupangitsa kuti munthu achite nkhanza zakuthupi komanso zogonana.

Koma, n’chiyani chimachititsa amuna kufuna kukhala olamulira muubwenzi? Pragati amatiuza zonse zomwe tifunika kudziwa. “Yankho limodzi la funsoli ndi la amuna. Angaganize kuti, ‘Izi ndi zimene ndaona abambo anga akuchita ndi ena onse ozungulira ine akuchita, ndipo ndichifukwa chake ndikufuna kukhala olamulira muubwenzi.’ Inde, khalidwe la munthu aliyense limagwiranso ntchito yaikulu, kapena mwina khalidwe lakale lomwe limapangitsa mwamuna kukhulupirira kuti akazi ayenera kusungidwa pansi pa ulamuliro wawo.”

Kuwerenga Kofanana: N’chifukwa Chiyani Akazi Amapitirizabe Kukhala ndi Ubale Wozunza?

“Kuona moyo mopupuluma kungakhalenso kochititsa.” Mwinamwake amalingalira kuti nyonga ya akazi ndi chinthu choyenera kusamala nacho. ‘Ngati mkazi apatsidwa mphamvu, ndiye kuti sindingathe kum’lamulira.

“Kaŵirikaŵiri mizu imatha kupezeka paubwana wawo.” Mwina anaona atate amene anali kupondereza kwambiri amayi, kapena anaona atate wogonjera kwambiri, zimene zinawapangitsa kukhala ndi malingaliro akuti ‘mkazi ayenera kuikidwa m’malo mwake.

"Popeza ndi pamene chitsanzo cha amuna ndi akazi chimachitika kudzera m'mabanja , mavuto ambiri athu amachokera ku zosowa zathu zaubwana zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe. Amuna omwe ali ndi malingaliro otseguka komanso opita patsogolo nthawi zonse amafunafuna mphamvu mwa mkazi, ndikuyesera kuwathandiza kukhala mtundu wabwino kwambiri wa iwo eni."

“Talingalirani izi motere: ndi mwana wamng’ono, nthaŵi zonse umakhala wodekha ndi waukali, chifukwa chakuti suwopsezedwa.” Amuna kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala olamulira pachibwenzi akawopsezedwa,” iye anamaliza motero. 

Wokondedwa wamkulu muubwenzi ayenera kusonyeza khalidwe loipa lomwe lingathe kuwononga malingaliro anu. Kuti muwonetsetse kuti sizikufika pamenepo, muyenera kuwona zizindikiro za munthu wolamulira, kotero mutha kuyesa kupeza chithandizo mwachangu kwambiri.

Zizindikiro 7 Zomwe Akulamulira Mu Ubale

Kukhala ndi chibwenzi kapena mwamuna wolamulira kungakhale chinthu chokhumudwitsa kwambiri. Khalidwe lawo laukali ndi zizolowezi zokalipira zimatha kuyambitsa nkhawa yayikulu mwa munthu yemwe ali kumapeto. Zinthu izi zitha kuwoneka zokongola kwambiri, zokomera kumayambiriro kwa ubale. Pamene nthawi ikupita, mudzadana ndi maganizo ake ndi kunyansidwa ndi khalidweli.

Kukonza zinthu zisanafike poipa n’chinthu chanzeru kuchita. Kuti muchite izi, muyenera kuyamba ndikuyang'ana zizindikiro zomwe akukulamulirani. Nawa mbendera 7 zofiira zapamwamba zomwe akulamulira muubwenzi zomwe muyenera kuzisamala:

1. Amakayikira ndipo amangoyang'ana malo anu enieni

Mwina munamugwira akuyang'ana foni yanu kangapo. Kungoyang'ana mozungulira malo anu nthawi zonse sikusamala, koma kukayikira. Angayesenso kukuuzani kuti ndinu kalulu wopusa amene ‘mukufunika’ kutetezedwa. Ndipo amakhala mtetezi wanu wodzipangira yekha. 

“Kaŵirikaŵiri, amuna ameneŵa amakonda kusinthasintha pakati pa zinthu ziŵiri zonyanyira.” Nthaŵi zambiri, sapereka mpata uliwonse kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo. Ndipo zowonadi, munthu wosavuta kwambiri kwa iwo kuti amulamulire ndi mnzawo, yemwe amadziwika kuti ndi wofooka kwambiri pagulu amawapatsanso mwayi womulamulira, popeza ndi gawo la chikhalidwe cha anthu onse, "akutero Pragati.

Kawirikawiri, amakwiya kwambiri akafunsidwa za chizolowezi chake chobisala malo anu. “Muyenera kubisa chiyani?” kapena, “Simukundikhulupirira?”, “Tsopano mukufuna malo anu achinsinsi kuchokera kwa ine?” – ndi ena mwa mawu omwe nthawi zambiri amagwiritsa ntchito kuti akupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu wolakwa pa zochita zake. Ngati mwakumanapo ndi izi mobwerezabwereza, dziwani kuti ndiye akulamulira ubale wanu.

2. Zizindikiro za chibwenzi: Ndi wansanje kwambiri

Zingakhale zabwino ngati wokondedwa wanu asanduka wobiriwira ndi nsanje nthawi iliyonse pamene wina amakukopani momasuka. Izonso ndi zachibadwa. Koma kaduka ndi kaduka, ngakhale kuti zimasokonekera monga kusinthasintha maganizo, ndizosiyana kwambiri. Nsanje ndi maganizo oipa omwe alibe malo mu ubale wabwino.

“Nthaŵi zina, nsanje imayamba chifukwa cha maganizo akuti, ‘Sindikwanira bwino’ kapena, ‘Sindimagwira ntchito mokwanira.’ Pamene kulephera kwawo kumawayang'ana kumaso, amayesa kugwetsa munthu wina poyesa kulamulira ndi kusonyeza mphamvu zawo zakuthupi, "anatero Pragati, ponena za momwe nsanje ilili imodzi mwa zizindikiro zofala kwambiri za chibwenzi.

Ngati zizolowezi zake za nsanje muubwenzi wanu zikufanana ndi khalidwe lokakamiza, zimakhala chizindikiro choopsa. Ngati mwakhala mukuyenera kuchepetsa nthawi yocheza ndi anzanu ndi abale anu, ndikuchotsa mwamuna aliyense m'moyo wanu, ndiye kuti ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino zomwe zimasonyeza kuti akukulamulirani. Kukayikira kosayenera koteroko sikuyenera kuloledwa, ngakhale buku la kudzikuza kwa mwamuna likunena chiyani. Musasinthe moyo wanu kuti ugwirizane ndi zofuna zake zosalungama.

3. Mumamuyimbira nthawi zonse

Iye ndi mwamuna wolamulira paubwenzi ngati mukupeza kuti mukukakamizika kukhala pambali pake ndikuyimba nthawi zonse. Ngati akufuna kuti mukhalepo, kunena kuti ayi sikoyenera. Osati popanda gehena kumasuka, mulimonse. Muyenera kukhalapo kuti mukumane naye nthawi iliyonse akakufunsani, kuyankha foni yake iliyonse ndikuyankha meseji yake pamasekondi.

Ubale wolamulira sudzatengera zosowa zanu ndi zomwe mukufuna. Chinthu chokha chimene chili chofunika ndi mmene iye wachitiridwa ndi kutumikiridwa, chifukwa ndi mmene zidzakhalira pakapita nthawi.

Pamene ndondomeko yanu ikugwirizana ndi zosowa zake mutha kukhala otsimikiza kuti iye akulamulira mu chiyanjano. Osadzinyengerera poganiza kuti ndi chifukwa chakuti amakukondani molakwa ndipo moyo wake umakhala pa inu. Ndi njira ina mozungulira. Zindikirani kuti ndinu munthu payekha ndipo zindikirani khalidwe losafunsidwa ndi bwenzi lanu ngati lozunza.

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4. Chibwenzi cholamulira chimatsutsa okondedwa anu

Aliyense m'moyo wanu ndi wosayenera. Makolo anu ndi olakwa, mabwenzi anu ndi opusa; aliyense koma iye ndi kusankha koyipa. Sangapeze chilichonse chabwino chonena za anthu omwe mumawakonda komanso kuwasamalira. Sasiya pamenepo ndipo amayesa kukupusitsani kuti muganize zomwezo.

Zizindikiro izi za mwamuna wolamulira sizingawonekere atangolowa naye pachibwenzi. Kwa zaka zambiri, komabe, ngati mupeza kuti mwadula anthu angapo m'moyo wanu chifukwa sanakonde kuti mulankhule nawo, ndizomwe tikukamba pano.

Ichi ndi chizindikiro chosatsutsika chakuti muli ndi mwamuna wolamulira muubwenzi. Kudzudzula kwambiri maubwenzi anu onse ndi mabwenzi anu ndi njira yake yotsimikizira kuti iye ndiye yekhayo amene angakuthandizeni pa moyo wanu. Mungachite bwino kuzindikira izi ngati chizindikiro cha ubale woipa ndikuganiziranso chisankho chanu chololera chibwenzi (kapena mwamuna) cholamulira chotere.

5. Amapeza njira yakudzudzula pa chilichonse

Nthawi iliyonse munthu wina mwachisawawa pa chikhalidwe TV amakutumizirani 'ukufuna ubwenzi?' mauthenga, ndi vuto lanu kuti mumakopa chidwi chotere. Ngati wina panjira akuitana iwe, kusankha kwako zovala ndiko kulakwa.

Ndi vuto lanu kuti mudanyozedwa ndi lecher osadziwika m'misewu. Kapena kuti mwana wokoma waku koleji wanu adakukondani. Kapena kuti zivomezi zimachitika ndipo madzi oundana amasungunuka.

"Ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu za mwamuna wolamulira ngati nthawi zonse mumaimbidwa mlandu pa chirichonse. Ndichizindikiro cha kusowa udindo waumwini. Sitisankha kumenyana ndi munthu amene timaona kuti ndi wamphamvu kuposa ife. Choncho tikamachita ndi munthu yemwe ali wofooka, zimasonyeza kusowa mphamvu kwa khalidwe, "akutero Pragati. 

Muli ndi kholo lakale la m'badwo watsopano yemwe sangakulole kuti muvale masiketi afupiafupi koma mkati mwa makoma a nyumba yake kapena kukulolani kuti mumwe pagulu lililonse koma ndi iye. Zochititsa manyazi zamtundu uwu komanso kupeza zolakwika zimalozera paubwenzi womwe ukukula pomwe nkhani yanu yachikondi imakhala mazunzo anu.

6. Kukhala ndi zinthu ndi chizindikiro cha mwamuna wopondereza pachibwenzi

Tiyeni tivomereze kuti njira zapamtima ndizodabwitsa, ndipo tonse timazipeza kukhala zokondweretsa pamene ena athu anena zinthu monga “Ndiwe wanga” kapena “Ndiwe wanga”. Koma pali kusiyana pakati pa mawu ophiphiritsa ndi kutenga mawuwa kukhala enieni. Ngati kukhala ndi mnzanu kumalire pamlingo wodetsa nkhawa womwe akukhulupirira kuti ali ndi moyo wanu, ndiye kuti ndikudziwiratu kuti akulamulira muubwenzi ndipo akufuna kuwongolera moyo wanu.

“Funso limene limachititsa kuti munthu asamavutike kwambiri ndi loti, 'Munali kuti/munali kuti?' Izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zopatsa munthu zakufa. Chizindikiro china cha munthu wolamulira ndi pamene sachita mokwanira ntchitoyo.

“Nthawi zina, ngati pali kusiyana pakati pa malipiro, iwo sanganene kapena kuchitapo kanthu, koma makhalidwe awo amakula kwambiri. Kapena ngakhale mkazi akupeza ndalama zambiri kuposa zimene amapeza, angadziteteze kwambiri, kunena zinthu monga, 'Musaganize kuti mungandinyalanyaze, chifukwa chakuti mukupeza ndalama zambiri.' Zimakhala zovuta 22, makamaka popeza sizinayankhidwe, "akuwonjezera.

Kukhala ndi chuma chambiri chomwe chimamupangitsa kuti ayambitse nthawi iliyonse mukamacheza ndi bwenzi lanu lapamtima kapena kukhala ndi makolo anu ndi mbendera yofiira yomwe imakupemphani kuti mutseke mwachangu momwe mungathere. Monga tanenera kale, bwenzi lolamulira muubwenzi amafuna kukupatulani, ndipo kukhala ndi chuma ndi njira yochitira zimenezo.

7. Simungakhale nokha pafupi naye

Ichi ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu kuti pali vuto muubwenzi wanu. Kodi mukuyenda mozungulira iye? Mukuletsa mapulani okumana ndi anzanu kapena kupita kukaona achibale chifukwa choti mukufuna kuthetsa zokhumba zanu m'malo mokumana ndi mkwiyo wake. Ngati ndi pamenepa, ndi nthawi yoti muvomereze kuti nkhanza zamaganizo zimabwera m'njira zosiyanasiyana.

Ndipo unansi wolamulirawu tsopano uli m’malire ndi nkhanza zamaganizo. Zinthu zikhala bwino kuyambira pano, ganizirani kuchoka musanayambe ubale wanu ndi bwenzi kapena mwamuna wolamulirayu.

Ngati ubale wolamulira uyamba kukulepheretsani, kusokoneza malo anu enieni ndikukufunani kuti musinthe zomwe muli, sizingakhale zathanzi, zokhazikika. Zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti akukulamulirani muubwenzi zimangokulirakulira mukayambana kwambiri ndi bwenzi loterolo. Choncho zindikirani zizindikiro zochenjezazi ndipo samalirani ubwenzi wanu moyenerera nthawi idakalipo.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.