Kunyoza muukwati: Zizindikiro, Zoyambitsa, ndi Momwe Mungakonzere

Kunyoza m'banja si kungokhala mkwiyo kapena kusamvana; ndi kudzimva kuti ndiwe wapamwamba, kusonyeza kusalemekeza, komanso kunyansidwa ndi mnzanu wa muukwati. Ndipotu, ofufuza monga Dr. John Gottman apeza kuti kunyoza ndiye chizindikiro champhamvu kwambiri cha chisudzulo, kuposa kusakhulupirika kapena mikangano ya ndalama.

 Pamene mnzanu wina achitira mnzake mwano kapena monyodola, zimasonyeza kuti ali ndi khalidwe labwino komanso kuti ndi wapamwamba kuposa ena.

Kodi Kunyoza N'chiyani Mu Ukwati?

Kunyoza m'banja kumatanthauza kumuona mnzanu ngati wotsika kapena "wochepa kuposa" - ndi kuukira kwaumwini kufunika kwake kapena khalidwe lake, osati kungokhumudwa ndi zomwe wachita. Mosiyana ndi kutsutsidwa kwachibadwa, komwe kumayang'ana khalidwe linalake, kunyoza kumakhudza umunthu wa mnzanu. Nthawi zambiri kumachokera ku mkwiyo kapena mkwiyo womwe umakhalapo nthawi yayitali m'banja , ndipo kumawonekera ngati zizindikiro zowonekera kapena zobisika zosonyeza kuti mnzanuyo ndi wotsika pang'ono.

Mwachitsanzo, kunyoza kungawoneke ngati: 

• Kuseka malingaliro a mnzanu
• Kuseka
• Kapena kuwatcha mayina

Ikhozanso kukhala chete: 

• Kuzungulira maso
• Kumwetulira
• Kapena chizindikiro chotsutsa

Pakapita nthawi, kunyoza kumatumiza uthenga wakuti “Ndili bwino kuposa iwe,” zomwe zimawononga chitetezo ndi kufanana komwe maubwenzi amafunikira.

Chifukwa Chake Kunyoza Kuli Koopsa Kwambiri

Kunyoza nthawi zambiri kumatchedwa "kupha chete" kwa maubwenzi, ndipo pazifukwa zomveka. Sikuti kumangopweteka malingaliro nthawi yomweyo, kumawononga maziko onse a ukwati. Kulemekezana ndi kuyamikirana ndi guluu womwe umagwirizanirana, ndipo kunyoza kumaswa guluu umenewo. Mumayamba kuwona mnzanu ngati vuto kapena cholemetsa, osati ngati mnzanu kapena wokondedwa.

Izi ndi zomwe zimachitika munthu akamanyoza:

• Amawononga ulemu: Kunyoza kumatanthauza kuti “Sindikulemekezani.” Pakapita nthawi, mumasiya kuyamikira maganizo ndi khama la wina ndi mnzake. Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amaona kuti ndinu wonyozeka komanso wopanda pake.
• Amapanga mtunda Zimabweretsa kusiyana kwa maganizo. Mungayambe kupewana kapena kungolankhulana kuti mukangane
• Zimayambitsa chitetezo: Mukanyoza mnzanu, nthawi zambiri amakhala wodziteteza kapena TsekaniIzi zimapangitsa kuti kuthetsa mikangano ngakhale ing'onoing'ono kukhale kovuta
• Zimawononga chitetezo cha maganizo: Ukwati umakhala wabwino kwambiri ukamadzimva kuti ndi wotetezeka kufotokoza zosowa ndi zofooka zake. Kunyoza kumadutsa chotchinga cha chitetezo chimenecho.
• Zimawononga thanzi: Chodabwitsa, kafukufuku zimasonyeza kuti okwatirana omwe nthawi zambiri amasonyezana kunyozana amavutika kwambiri ndi matenda akuthupi kuposa okwatirana omwe ali osangalala. Kupsinjika maganizo ndi kukhumudwa zimafooketsa chitetezo cha mthupi.

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Zizindikiro za Kunyoza mu Ukwati

Kuzindikira kunyoza ndi sitepe yoyamba yothetsa kunyoza. Nthawi zambiri, kunyoza m'banja sikumveka bwino. Kumawonekera pang'onopang'ono, kudzera m'mawu, mawonekedwe, ndi mphindi zazing'ono zomwe zimachotsa ulemu pang'onopang'ono. Pakapita nthawi, machitidwe amenewa amapanga mtunda wamaganizo muukwati ndikuyamba kumva ngati wabwinobwino, ngakhale kuti ndi ovulaza kwambiri.

Zizindikiro za mawu

Zizindikiro zoonekeratu za kunyoza m'banja zimaonekera m'mawu. Izi si mikangano wamba. Zimasonyeza khalidwe lonyoza lomwe limaukira umunthu wa mnzanu.

1. Ndemanga zonyoza

Ndemanga monga “Ntchito yabwino, wanzeru” kapena “Zachidziwikire kuti mwalakwitsanso” zingamveke ngati zachilendo, koma mawu onyoza amakhala ndi kunyoza kwamaganizo. Kunyoza nthawi zambiri kumabisa mkwiyo waukulu komanso kukhumudwa kwamaganizo.

2. Kunyoza ndi kunyoza

Kuseka makhalidwe, malingaliro, kapena luso la mnzanu kumabweretsa chizolowezi cha nkhanza pakati pa anthu. Ngakhale zitabisika ngati nthabwala, zimasonyeza kusalemekezana m'banja.

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3. Kunyoza m'banja

Mawu ngati “chitsiru,” “opanda pake,” kapena “omvetsa chisoni” amapitirira kukhumudwa. Amaukira kudziona kuti ndiwe wofunika ndipo amathandizira kuti musakhale ndi ulemu muubwenzi.

4. Nthabwala zaukali ndi mawu onyoza

Maseŵero onyoza mnzanu angaoneke ngati opanda vuto panthawiyo, koma akabwerezedwanso pakapita nthawi, amapanga njira zolankhulirana zoopsa.

5. Ndemanga zopanda pake komanso zankhanza

Kuyamika kochokera pansi monga "Wow, wachita bwino lero" kumasonyeza kunyoza komwe kulipo m'maubwenzi. Mawu amenewa nthawi zambiri amachokera ku mkwiyo woponderezedwa m'malo molankhulana moona mtima.

Zizindikiro zosagwiritsa ntchito mawu

Mawu si okhawo omwe amapweteka. Kunyoza nthawi zambiri kumawonekera popanda chiganizo chimodzi. Chilankhulo cha thupi chimakhala chonyamula tanthauzo, ndipo nthawi zambiri chimakhala chovulaza kwambiri chifukwa chimamveka ngati chachibadwa komanso chovuta kutsutsana nacho.

1. Kugundana m'makangano

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino za kunyoza m'banja. Chimasonyeza kuchotsedwa, ngati kuti maganizo a mnzanuyo sali oyenera ngakhale kukambirana nawo.

2. Kumwetulira panthawi ya mkangano

Kumwetulira pang'ono pang'ono, komwe nthawi zambiri sikudziwika, kumasonyeza kuti mumadziona kuti ndinu wapamwamba muubwenzi. Kumati, "Ndili pamwamba pa izi."

3. Manja odzipatula

Kutembenuka, kuyang'ana foni yanu, kupumira mokweza, kapena kuphimba nkhope yanu pamene mnzanuyo akulankhula zonse zimasonyeza kusagwirizana maganizo.

4. Nkhope yonyoza

Kuoneka ngati wonyansa pang'ono, nsidze zokwezedwa, kapena kumwetulira cham'mbali kungasonyeze zambiri kuposa mawu opweteka.

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Zizindikiro zamaganizo

Zizindikiro zazikulu za kunyoza m'banja zimakhala mkati mwanu. Zimakhudza momwe mumaganizira za mnzanu, nthawi zambiri popanda inu kuzindikira.

1. Kudziona ngati wapamwamba muubwenzi 

Mumayamba kukhulupirira kuti ndinu wodalirika, wanzeru kwambiri, kapena wodziwa bwino za malingaliro kuposa mnzanu. Maganizo amenewa amalimbikitsa kunyoza ndi kusweka kwa ukwati.

2. Kutaya ulemu muubwenzi 

Umasiya kuyamikira mnzanu. Ngakhale mphamvu zake sizimaoneka. Ungavutike kukumbukira zomwe unkakonda kwambiri pa iye.

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3. Kumva kunyansidwa ndi mnzanu 

Izi zimapitirira mkwiyo. Ndi kukana kwakukulu kwa malingaliro, pafupifupi ngati kunyansidwa. Ichi ndiye maziko a kunyoza kwa malingaliro.

4. Kukwiya kosatha 

Zinthu zazing'ono zimayamba kuoneka ngati zosapiririka. Mmene amalankhulira, amadyera, kapena amayankhira zimayamba kukukwiyitsani kwambiri. Izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala chizindikiro cha mkwiyo wosathetsedwa.

5. Kupanda chifundo 

Umasiya kusamala za momwe mnzanu akumvera. Mavuto awo amaoneka ngati odzibweretsera okha, ndipo malingaliro awo amaoneka osasangalatsa m'malo mokhala ofunika.

6. Kutaya mtima 

Mumafufuza mwamaganizo . Makambirano amakhala ongochitika mwamwambo. Ubwenzi weniweni umatha. Mungakhalebe muli mwakuthupi, koma mwamaganizo, muli kutali.

Kodi N’chiyani Chimayambitsa Kusamverana M’banja?

Kunyoza m'banja nthawi zambiri kumayamba ndi chochitika chimodzi chachikulu. Kumakula pang'onopang'ono. Zokhumudwitsa zazing'ono, kusamvana mobwerezabwereza, ndi ziyembekezo zosanenedwa zimayamba kuwunjikana. Pakapita nthawi, zochitikazi zimasintha momwe mumaonera mnzanu. Zomwe kale zinkamveka ngati kulumikizana zimayamba kumveka ngati kutali. Nazi zifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa vutoli.

1. Chisoni chosathetsedwa

Ngati mnzanu m'modzi akumva kuti walakwiridwa kapena kupwetekedwa ndi chinthu china, kaya chachikulu kapena chaching'ono, ndipo osalankhulapo za icho, mkwiyo umenewo pang'onopang'ono umasintha kukhala kunyoza. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukuona kuti mnzanu nthawi zonse amakukanani kapena amakunyalanyazani , ndipo simukuyankha, kukhumudwa kumawonjezeka mpaka mutayamba kuwaona molakwika.

"Mukapanda kuuza mnzanu kuti mwakwiya ndi XYZ, mnzanuyo adzapitiriza kuchita XYZ. Mudzayamba kukwiyira mnzanuyo chifukwa chochita XYZ chifukwa mwakwiya nazo .... pamapeto pake mkwiyowo umakula kukhala kunyoza ndipo simungathe kulekanitsa mnzanuyo ndi XYZ"

- Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit

2. Kudzimva wosayamikiridwa

Mukawona kuti khama lanu silikudziwika kapena silikulemekezedwa, mungakhale ndi vuto lodziteteza. Mofananamo, mukasiya kuona zabwino kapena zolinga za mnzanu, nkhani zoipa zimayamba kulamulira.

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3. Kudzudzula kosatha

Madandaulo kapena kudzudzulidwa kosalekeza kungawonjezere kunyoza. 

• Ngati nthawi zonse mumadzudzula khalidwe kapena umunthu wa mnzanu, zimakhazikitsa dongosolo 
• Pakapita nthawi, zomwe zingayambe ngati madandaulo zimatha kukhala ziwawa zonyoza 

Kudzudzula kosalekeza kumauza mnzanu kuti sangakwaniritse miyezo yanu, zomwe zimabzala mbewu za kunyoza.

4. Kunyalanyaza mwamalingaliro

Kunyoza kungachitike mosavuta ngati inu kapena mnzanuyo mwachibadwa muleka kukondana chifukwa cha: 

• kupanikizika
• Kusokonezeka maganizo
• Kapena kungopatukana

Kusowa ubwenzi ndi ubale kumapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta kuchepetsa ulemu wa munthu winayo. Mukapanda kugawana malingaliro kapena kupangitsa winayo kumva kuti ndi wofunika, mumayamba kunyalanyazana. Izi zingachititse kuti nonse awiri mumve mkwiyo kapena udani pakapita nthawi.

5. Nkhani yoipa yokhudza mnzanu

Nthawi zina kunyoza kumabwera chifukwa chodziuza nkhani yolakwika yokhudza mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Munganene m'mutu mwanu kuti: 

• "Ndili ndekha amene ndili ndi udindo" 
• Kapena “Amachita chilichonse molakwika” 
• Kapena “Ndikugwira ntchito yonse” 

Kusokonezeka maganizo kumeneku - ndipo inde, ndi kusokonezeka chabe - kumayambitsa kunyoza. Mukangotchula mnzanu kuti ndi waulesi, wodzikonda, kapena wopusa, zimakhala zosavuta kumuchitira moyenera. 

6. Kusagwirizana kwa mphamvu

Ngati mnzawo m'modzi nthawi zonse amadzimva wopanda mphamvu kapena wosamvedwa, kunyoza kungapangidwe ngati njira yopezeranso mphamvu. Mosiyana ndi zimenezi, munthu amene ali ndi ulamuliro angayambe kunyoza mnzake. Pakapita nthawi, kukwiya chifukwa cha kulimbana kwa mphamvu kumasintha n’kukhala kunyoza.

Momwe Mungakonzere Chipongwe Muukwati

Kukonza kunyoza m'banja si ntchito yachangu. Kumafuna kuzindikira, kuona mtima, ndi kufunitsitsa kusintha machitidwe omwe angakhalepo kwa zaka zambiri. Koma n'zotheka. Mabanja ambiri amabwerera ku kunyoza kwamaganizo akasankha kumanganso ulemu. Nazi njira zomwe zimathandizadi.

1. Pangani chikhalidwe choyamikira ndi kulemekezana

Yambani kuzindikira zabwino zake. Yang'anani mwadala makhalidwe abwino a mnzanuyo ndi khama lake. Gottman akupereka malingaliro ang'onoang'ono oyamikira: 

• Kuwathokoza pa zinthu zazing'ono
• Kuvomereza pamene akuthandiza
• Ndipo nthawi zonse mumafotokoza zomwe mumakonda za iwo
• Kulemba pang'ono zolemba zachikondi kapena kutumiza mauthenga abwino

Cholinga chake ndi kudzaza ubale wanu ndi zinthu zabwino zomwe zimaletsa kunyoza.

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2. Lankhulani ndi mkwiyo mwachindunji

Kunyoza nthawi zambiri kumayambitsidwa ndi madandaulo obisika. Ndikofunikira kukambirana zomwe zikukuvutitsanidi modekha. 

• Gwiritsani ntchito mawu ofatsa oyambira bizinesi m'malo monena kuti mukuimbidwa mlandu. Mwachitsanzo, m'malo monena kuti “Simumandimvera,” yesani kunena kuti, “Ndimamva kupweteka ndipo sindimamva ndikalankhula ndipo nkhawa zanga zikuoneka kuti sizikumveka” 
• Pewani kunenera anthu kuti “inu”, zomwe zimayambitsa kudziteteza 

Izi zimatsegula zokambirana m'malo mwa ndewu. Onse awiri ayenera kukhala ndi mwayi wogawana zakukhosi kwawo ndikuyesetsa kupeza njira zothetsera mavuto, moleza mtima komanso mwachifundo.

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3. Gwiritsani ntchito mawu akuti “Ine”

Mofananamo, fotokozani nkhawa zanu m'njira yomweyi. Kunena kuti “Ndimamva kusungulumwa kwambiri pamene sitikukhala limodzi nthawi yabwino ” n'kothandiza kwambiri kuposa kunena kuti “Simukufuna kukhala nane.” Mawu akuti “Ine” amachepetsa mlandu ndipo amasonyeza kuti mukutenga udindo pa zomwe mukumva. Njira imeneyi imafooketsa kwambiri maganizo onyoza.

4. Kumanganso ulemu

Yesetsani kuchitirana ulemu monga momwe munayambira. 

• Mvetserani mokwanira mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu akamalankhula, ngakhale simukugwirizana nazo 
• Pewani kuwasokoneza kapena kuwalankhula 
• Kumbukirani kupereka kutsimikizika kwamalingaliro

Munganene mosapita m'mbali kuti, “Ndimalemekeza maganizo anu, ngakhale atakhala osiyana ndi anga.” Kukumbukira ndi kugawana zomwe munakondwera nazo poyamba pa mnzanu wanu kungayambitsenso chifundo.

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5. Fufuzani chithandizo kapena uphungu

Nthawi zina machitidwe onyoza amakhala ozama kwambiri, makamaka ngati akubwerezabwereza mavuto a m'banja kapena zoopsa. Katswiri wa zamaganizo angakupatseni zida zochotsera machitidwewa. Mlangizi angakuthandizeninso kumanga chifundo ndikuphunzitsa maluso enieni olankhulana popanda udani. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, chithandizo chimapereka njira yochokera ku umboni yochiritsira kunyoza.

6. Pepani chikhululuko ndi kukhululuka

Ngati mwasonyeza kunyoza, khalani nacho. 

• Pepani kwambiri chifukwa cha mawu opweteka kapena manja opweteka ndipo fotokozani kuti mukuyesetsa kusintha
• Mofananamo, yesetsani kukhululukira mnzanuyo nthawi zonse akamakunyozani akakupepesani.

Kusunga mawu onyoza akale kumangowonjezera mkwiyo.

Momwe Mungapewere Kunyoza M'tsogolo

Mukangothetsa kunyoza, muyenera kuletsa kunyozako kuti kusabwerere m'mbuyo. Kupewa kunyoza kumatanthauza kulimbikitsa ubwino ndi kukonzanso. Nazi njira zina:

• Kuyang'anitsitsa maganizo nthawi zonse: Khalani ndi chizolowezi chofunsana kuti, “Mukumva bwanji za ife posachedwapa?” ​​kapena “Kodi pali chilichonse chomwe chikukuvutitsani?” Izi zimathandiza kuti madandaulo asapitirire.
• Miyambo yoyamikira: Khazikitsani zizolowezi monga kugawana chinthu chimodzi chomwe mumayamikira kwa mnzanu tsiku lililonse, kapena kuwasiyira kalata yachikondi. manja achikondi pangani chitetezo cha zabwino
• Maluso okonza mikangano: Phunzirani kumenyana mwachilungamo. Gwiritsani ntchito nthawi yopuma ngati mkangano wayamba kukulirakulira: vomerezani kuti muyime kaye kenako mubwerere mukatha kuziziritsa mtima.
• Pitirizani kuchita chibwenzi ndi kusangalala: Kumbukirani kuti munasankhana pazifukwa zomveka. Pitirizani kuchita zinthu zomwe nonse mumakonda, kuseka limodzi, komanso kukhala okondana. Kusangalala ndi ubwenzi zimapangitsa kuti mukhale ndi malingaliro abwino muubwenzi wanu
• Khalani ndi chifundo: Nthawi iliyonse mukakhumudwa, imani kaye ndipo ganizirani zomwe zingakhumudwitse mnzanu. Kodi watopa, akuda nkhawa ndi ntchito, kapena akumva ululu? Nkhawa m'mbali ina ya moyo nthawi zina imatha kufalikira.

Nthawi Yofuna Thandizo la Akatswiri

Si vuto lililonse la kunyozana m'banja lomwe lingakonzedwe mwa kudzidziwa nokha ndi khama lokha. Nthawi zina, machitidwewo amakhala akuya kwambiri, obwerezabwereza, kapena okhudzidwa kwambiri ndi maganizo. M'mikhalidwe yotereyi, chithandizo chakunja chimakhala chofunikira kuti banja lipulumuke.

• Kunyoza kumakhala kosatha ndipo kumakula: Ngati mawu ang'onoang'ono onyodola akhala akuukira mwachizolowezi, kapena mikangano nthawi zonse imatha ndi kutukwana
• Kutaya mtima: Ngati m'modzi kapena nonse awiri "mwatuluka" simukugwirizananso maganizo, kugonana kwatha, kapena mukukhala ngati anthu okhala m'chipinda chimodzi
• Kusalemekeza kosalekeza: Ngati malire adutsa, mwachitsanzo, kunyozedwa, kuchititsidwa manyazi pagulu) ndi chidaliro zasweka
• Mukumva kuti mulibe chitetezo kapena mukuvutika maganizo: Kunyoza kungayambitse nkhanza. Ngati inu kapena mnzanu mukuchita mantha, kukhumudwa, kapena kuopsezedwa mwakuthupi, funani thandizo nthawi yomweyo.
• Mwayesa koma palibe chomwe chikusintha: Ngati mwayesetsa ndipo kunyoza kukupitirira, katswiri angakutsogolereni bwino kwambiri

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Kunyoza m'banja ndi nkhani yaikulu, koma n'koyenera kuithetsa. Tangoganizirani ngati mutasintha mawu akuti “Ndili bwino kuposa inu” ndi mawu akuti “Ndimakukondani”. Zochita zazing'ono zachifundo zingakhale zamphamvu kuposa zochita zazikulu. Kumbukirani, “chosiyana ndi kunyoza si chikondi – ndi ulemu.” Chitani mnzanu ngati wofanana nanu, ndipo mutha kuletsa kunyoza. Zingatenge nthawi ndi kuwona mtima, koma ndi khama lenileni, mutha kumanganso ubale wozikidwa pa ulemu ndi kumvetsetsana.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.