Mpaka posachedwapa, kugwetsa miyala, komwe kumadziwika kuti kusayankhula, kumaperekedwa ngati upangiri wopita ku upangiri, makamaka mu chikhalidwe cha pop, kwa zibwenzi zosakhutitsidwa mu maubwenzi. “Iye akundibisira mawu” sakweza mbendera zofiira ndipo amanyozedwa ngati vuto laling'ono, losakhalitsa. Komabe, kuchitira nkhanza mwala ndi chiwopsezo chenicheni mu maubwenzi, chomwe chikhoza kungoyika pachiwopsezo chonse.
Maubwenzi amamangidwa pakulankhula moona mtima komanso momasuka. Pouzana zomwe mukufuna ndi zomwe mukuyembekezera, mumadziwitsa wokondedwa wanu momwe mungapangire ndikusunga wina ndi mnzake kukhala wosangalala. Pamene inu kuchotsa kulankhulana pa ubwenzi, inu ndithu kwenikweni suffocating izo.
Ngakhale zili choncho, anthu okwatirana nthawi zambiri amakhala kwa masiku angapo akumenyetsana miyala atamenyana. Nangano, kubwebweta miyala kungakhale bwanji kuzunza maganizo? Chifukwa chiyani? Kodi zizindikiro ndi zotsatira za kugwa miyala muubwenzi ndi chiyani? Kodi munthu amachita bwanji ndi kukhala ndi miyala? Tiyeni tipeze zonse zomwe muyenera kudziwa.
Kodi Stonewalling N'chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Tisanayankhe ngati kuphwanya miyala ndi nkhanza kapena ayi, ndikofunikira kudziwa tanthauzo la kuphwanya miyala ndi nkhanza muubwenzi . Chomalizachi chingatanthauzidwe ngati njira iliyonse ya nkhanza zamaganizo kapena zakuthupi zomwe zimayambitsa kuvulaza munthu mwakuthupi kapena m'maganizo. Ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti nkhanza sizimangokhudza nkhanza zakuthupi zokha, ndipo mitundu ya nkhanza imaphatikizapo nkhanza zamaganizo, zachiwerewere, zamaganizo ndi zachuma.
Kudula miyala muubwenzi kumatanthauza pamene mnzanu m'modzi amasiya kulankhulana konse, kaya ndi mawu kapena osati mawu. Pazifukwa zonse, zingawoneke ngati mukuyesera kulankhula ndi khoma la miyala. Cholinga cha kudula miyala kungakhale "kulanga" mnzanu, kukhazikitsa ulamuliro, kupewa mkangano kapena ndewu, kapena ngakhale kunyoza wina.
Kuponderezedwa kwa miyala kumagwiritsidwa ntchito kwambiri ndi narcissists. Omwe ali ndi malingaliro odzikuza amatha kusazindikira kuwononga komwe akuyambitsa pomwe akuwachitira nkhanza anzawo. Kumaphatikizapo kukana kulankhula ndi munthu wina. Kutseka mwadala mukamakangana, komwe kumadziwikanso kuti kusayankhula, kumatha kukhala kovulaza, kukhumudwitsa komanso kuwononga ubale wanu.
Stonewalling ingakhalenso njira yodzitetezera kwa anthu ena, njira yomwe adaphunzira ali mwana kuti adziteteze. Mwachitsanzo, mwina anasankha kukhala chete kapena kusalankhulana kuti asunge mtendere. Izi mwina zidayamba kukhala machitidwe akamakula ndipo izi zidayamba kudziwonetsera kapena kudziwonetsera mu ubale womwe adapanga pambuyo pake m'moyo. Stonewalling ndi khalidwe laukali koma nthawi zambiri ndi njira yogwiritsidwa ntchito ndi omwe ankadziona kuti alibe mphamvu paubwana wawo kapena amavutika ndi kudzidalira komanso kudzidalira.
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Kodi Stonewalling Ndi Mtundu Wankhanza Zamalingaliro?
Tsopano popeza tadziwa tanthauzo la kutsekereza miyala, zikutibwezera ku funso lomwe lili m'nkhaniyi — kodi kutsekereza miyala kungakhale nkhanza? Mwachidule, kutsekereza miyala kungakhale mtundu wa nkhanza zamaganizo. Popeza kutsekereza miyala kungachitike pofuna kupeza ulamuliro ndi ulamuliro, komanso/kapena kunyoza ndi kunyoza mnzanu mwa kunyalanyaza kuyesa kwawo kulankhulana, kumatha kubweretsa mavuto aakulu.
Mukamanyoza kapena kusalemekeza munthu, kumupangitsa kuti amve ngati sakumveka, kumuuza kuti asalankhule kapena kukana kukambirana zamtundu uliwonse, zimawakhudza kwambiri m'maganizo kapena m'maganizo. Nkhawa, kudzikayikira, kudzidalira komanso kuvutika maganizo ndi zochepa chabe mwa zotsatira zomwe zimakhalapo kwa nthawi yaitali zomwe zingabweretse.
Tsopano popeza tili ndi lingaliro la chifukwa chake kukwapula ndi nkhanza, tiyeni tiwone zizindikiro zake, momwe zimakhudzira ubale, ndi njira zomwe mungatsatire kuti muthane ndi nkhanza za miyala.
Zizindikiro za Stonewalling Mu Ubale
Zizindikiro za kutsekereza mawu zitha kukhala zingapo. Koma makamaka zimakhudza munthu kutseka kapena kuthetsa kulumikizana konse. Izi zimachitika makamaka pakakhala kusamvana kapena mnzanu akufuna kupewa kukambirana mopanda nzeru kapena mokhudza mtima, poopa kuti nkhaniyo ingakule ndikuyambitsa ndewu. M'malo momvera zomwe mukufuna kunena kapena kuthetsa kusamvana , mnzanuyo angadzisiye yekha mpaka kufika poti sizingatheke kumulankhula.
Kugwetsa mwala n'kovuta kuzindikira chifukwa zizindikiro zake ndi zobisika. Inu ndi mnzanuyo simungazindikire kuti mukuchita nawo mwala. Nthawi zina, khalidwe lotereli lingaoneke ngati labwinobwino kapena lodziwikiratu paubwenzi. Zizindikiro zingapo za stonewall ndi izi:
1. Mnzako amakhala chete
Ngati mnzanu akukuletsani kulankhula kapena kusiya kulankhulana kulikonse - kusiya kuyankha mafoni anu, kuyankha mauthenga kapena maimelo, ndi zina zotero - ndi chizindikiro chakuti mukuvutitsidwa. Kulankhulana momasuka kapena kusayankha ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino za kuvutitsidwa ndi munthu. Ngati mnzanuyo sakupezeka kapena sakupezeka kwa masiku, milungu kapena miyezi, dziwani kuti ndi kuvutitsidwa ndi munthu.
2. Mumalandira mayankho a monosyllabic okha
Ngati yankho lokhalo lomwe mumalandira kuchokera kwa okondedwa wanu ndi mayankho a monosyllabic kapena mawu amodzi, zitha kukhala chizindikiro cha miyala. Ngati mnzanu akungogwiritsa ntchito mawu ngati 'chabwino', 'zedi', 'zili bwino', ndi zina zotere pokambirana kapena kukangana, mwina akungopeka miyala. Sakulongosola mmene akumvera kapena maganizo awo mwadala.
3. Mumamva kuti muli kutali ndi okondedwa wanu
Nthawi zina, kupuma pang'ono kapena kuchoka pa ndewu kapena mkangano ndi chinthu chachibadwa muubwenzi. Koma ngati zikukhala khalidwe kapena mnzanuyo akudzipatula nthawi zonse, ndiye kuti pali vuto. Ngati apereka zifukwa zoti achoke pa zokambirana zazikulu kapena kuchepetsa mwayi wanu wolankhulana nawo, ndi chizindikiro chakuti akukuvutitsani.
4. Wokondedwa wanu akukana kutenga udindo pazochita zawo
Ichi ndi chizindikiro china chachikulu cha miyala. Ngati mnzanuyo akukana kuvomereza zolakwa zawo kapena kutenga udindo pazochita zawo, akukuponyani miyala. Wokondedwa wanu mwina wakhala akukuchitirani inu mwakachetechete, akudzipatula kwa inu, kukana kulankhula kapena kukambirana kapena kunyalanyaza mafoni ndi mauthenga anu. Mukakumana nawo za zomwezo ndipo akukana kuvomereza zochita zawo, dziwani kuti ndi chizindikiro cha miyala.
5. Amatsutsa zakukhosi kwanu kapena kukunyozani
Chizindikiro china chachikulu cha kunyalanyaza malingaliro ndi malingaliro a mnzanuyo. Ngati mukumva kuti simukufunidwa muubwenzi wanu kapena mukupeza mnzanuyo nthawi zonse akukunyozani kapena kukuchepetsani ulemu, akunyalanyaza nkhawa zanu ngati zosafunikira, akukuimbani mlandu woti mukupanga phiri kuchokera ku phiri, kapena kukusekani mukanena china chake, dziwani kuti mukutsutsidwa.
Kugwetsa miyala kumatha kukhala kokhumudwitsa kwambiri komanso kukhumudwitsa munthu yemwe akulandira, chifukwa sangadziwe kapena zingakhale zovuta kudziwa chomwe vuto ndi chifukwa chake mnzakeyo akuwatsekera kunja. Kwa wina yemwe akuchita nawo mwala, khalidwe lotere ndilo njira yodzitetezera yomwe amagwiritsa ntchito kwa wokondedwa wake, chifukwa chake amaonedwa kuti ndi nkhanza zamaganizo.
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Zotsatira Za Stonewalling Pa Ubale
Kudula miyala kungakhudze kwambiri ubale komanso thanzi la maganizo la omwe akukhudzidwa, makamaka mnzanu amene akulandira. Kungayambitse kuwonongeka kosatha pa ubalewo, mosasamala kanthu kuti chifukwa chake kudula miyala chingakhale chiyani. Kumangopangitsa munthu kudziona ngati wonyozeka kapena wosafunika nthawi zonse kungapangitse munthu kukayikira kufunika kwake ndipo kungayambitse mavuto okhudza kudzidalira.
Kutsekera mnzako kunja kukhoza kukulitsa vutolo mpaka kunena zinthu chifukwa cha mkwiyo kapena kukhumudwa, zomwe munganong'oneze nazo bondo pambuyo pake. Kukana kulankhulana kapena kutuluka m'kati mwa kukambirana kwambiri kumakhumudwitsa, kunena pang'ono, ndipo kungayambitse mkwiyo ndi kusalemekezana pakati pa okondedwa. Zimangotsegulira njira ya ubale wopanda thanzi komanso wapoizoni. Nazi njira zingapo zomwe zimakhudzira ubale:
1. Nkhani zosathetsedwa
Pamene mikangano muubwenzi ikadali yosathetsedwa, imabweretsa mavuto ena pakati pa okondedwa. Akhoza kuyamba kusungirana chakukhosi wina ndi mnzake, zomwe zingabwere m’njira zosayenera. Pamene wina adzipangitsa kukhala wosafikirika muubwenzi kapena kukana kukambirana kuti apewe kusamvana, nkhani zimakhala zosayankhidwa zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zinthu zichuluke.
2. Kusalemekezana pakati pa zibwenzi
Kulemekezana muubwenzi ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti ukhalepo. Kudzikongoletsa pakhoma kumabweretsa kusalemekezana pakati pa okwatirana. Tangoganizirani mnzanu akusiya kulankhulana konse kapena kutseka kwathunthu mpaka kufika poti sangapezeke. Kodi sizikumveka ngati zopanda ulemu? Kudzikongoletsa pakhoma kumayambitsa mnzanu wina kumva ngati sakulemekezedwa muubwenzi ndipo si momwe ubale wabwino umaonekera.
3. Zimakupangitsani kukhala osungulumwa komanso osungulumwa
Kusapeza mpata wocheza ndi mnzanu kungakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu nokha komanso kuti ndinu nokha. Zili ngati kukhala m'chipinda chimodzi koma kutali. Simukumva ngati muli pafupi ndi mnzanuyo. Mnzanuyo amene akuvutitsidwa angavutike kwambiri chifukwa chosowa wocheza naye. Tangoganizirani kuti simungathe kulankhula kapena kuonana kapena kukhala ndi mnzanuyo kwa masiku, milungu kapena miyezi ingapo. Mungamve ngati kuti mwanyalanyazidwa, mwapatukana komanso mwasiyidwa, eti?
4. Zimatsogolera ku mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo
Kuwombera miyala kungayambitse mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo waukulu mwa onse awiri. Makhalidwe otere amayambitsa mikangano m'mabwenzi, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti okondedwawo amve ngati anyalanyazidwa. Izi nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa mkwiyo wochuluka ndi zowawa mwa okondedwa, makamaka omwe ali kumapeto kwa miyala yonse. Kuona wokondedwa wawo akudzipatula kapena kuchita zinthu mopanda chifundo kwa iwo kungayambitse chisoni.
Kupatula kukhudza ubale, kuyika miyala kungakhudzenso thanzi la okwatirana onse awiri. Kafukufuku wa mu 2016 wopangidwa ndi National Center for Biotechnology Information pa okwatirana 156 kwa zaka 15 adati kuyika miyala kungapangitse okwatirana kukhala ndi ululu wa msana, kupweteka kwa minofu, kuuma kwa khosi, kugunda kwa mtima mofulumira, komanso kuthamanga kwa magazi.
Mu 1992, katswiri wa zaukwati Dr. John Gottman anachitanso kafukufuku amene analosera chisudzulo molondola pafupifupi pafupifupi 100 peresenti. Iye ananena kuti kuwombera miyala ndi mmodzi mwa 'okwera pamahatchi anayi' omwe amasonyeza kuti banja latha chifukwa khalidweli limayambitsa mikangano yomwe ingakulepheretseni kuthetsa chibwenzi kapena ukwati.
Kupanga miyala kumakhudza ubwenzi wapakati pa okondedwa ndipo kumapangitsa kuti kulankhulana kulekeke. Izi zitha kupangitsa kuti abwenzi asiyane. Munthu amene wamangidwapo amadziona ngati wopanda pake, wopanda mphamvu komanso wosokonezeka. Komabe, n’zotheka kuthana ndi vutoli. Tiyeni tiwone njira zingapo zomwe mungathanirane ndi miyala.
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Njira 7 Zothana ndi Nkhanza Zokhudza Mtima
Kunyalanyazidwa ndi munthu amene ali patsogolo panu kungakuwonongereni maganizo. Kuzunzidwa m'maganizo kapena kunyozedwa sikungowononga ubale wanu ndi mnzanu, komanso ubale wanu ndi inu nokha. Nthawi zambiri, kudzidalira kwanu kumatenga nthawi yayitali kuti kuchiritsidwe kuposa kupweteka komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha kusweka kwa ubale.
Tiyeni tiwone momwe mungachitire ndi mnzanu akamachita zinthu ngati kuti simukuoneka. Kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani ngati mnzanu, osanenapo mawu amodzi, akufuula kuti, “ Sindikulemekezani”? Nazi njira 7 zomwe mungathanirane ndi vuto la kuwononga matabwa:
1. Osadziimba mlandu; yesani momwe zinthu zilili
Ngati munachitapo kanthu kuti mukhumudwitse mnzanu ndipo adawona kuti ndi bwino kukulangani ndi dothi la miyala, ndikofunika kuti musamadzichitire nkhanza. Mukamaliza kudziimba mlandu kuti mnzanuyo akukuchitirani nkhanza, zitha kuyambitsa kudzidalira mtsogolo.
M'malo moganiza kuti ndinu woyenera kuimbidwa mlandu pa chilichonse chomwe chinayambitsa nkhanza zobisika komanso ngakhale pamene mukuzunzidwa maganizo ndi zobisika, yesani kufufuza zomwe zinachitika m'malo modzida nokha.
2. Mvetserani gwero lake ndi kupeza yankho
Kodi wokondedwa wanu ali ndi mbiri ya nkhanza zamaganizo? Kodi ubale wanu ukudutsa pamavuto? Kodi pali china chake chomwe mungakhale mukuchita mosadziwa, chomwe chikupangitsa kuti mnzanuyo achite motere?
Ngakhale kusankha kuchitapo kanthu ndi kuzunzidwa m'maganizo sikuli chisankho choyenera, mutazindikira chomwe chayambitsa, mutha kupezanso yankho. Mpaka mutadziwa chomwe chalakwika, simungayambe kudziwa momwe mungakonzere.
3. Dzisamalire
“Kodi andisiya?”, “ Kodi ine ndine vuto? ” Mafunso ngati awa akhoza kuwononga maganizo anu. Ndikofunikira kuti zomwe zikuchitika m'maganizo mwanu zisakhudze thupi lanu m'njira zoipa.
Yesetsani kukhala athanzi komanso opindulitsa ndikupeza njira yabwino yothanirana ndi kupsinjika komwe kumabwera ndi nkhanza za miyala. Mukachotsa malingaliro anu pazovuta zomwe ubale wanu ulimo, mudzakhala mukuwonetsetsa kuti ubale wanu ndi wekha suwonongeka.
4. Polimbana ndi nkhanza zomangirira miyala, nenani kutsutsa kwanu
Kungoti muyenera kudziyang'anira nokha pogwiritsa ntchito bwino nthawi yanu, sizikutanthauza kuti musiye khalidwe la mnzanuyo. Onetsetsani kuti mudziwitse mnzanuyo momwe khalidwe lawo lachipongwe likukhudzirani, komanso kuti simungayambe kuchitidwa motere.
Kuchitira nkhanza zamaganizo nthawi zambiri kumasonyeza ubale woopsa komanso wosasangalatsa , ndipo nthawi yomweyo mungaganize zochoka. Komabe, ngati mukufuna kupitiriza, onetsetsani kuti mnzanuyo wadziwa kuti si bwino kukunyozani. Chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri paubwenzi uliwonse ndi kulemekezana. Mfundo yakuti mukuyang'ana pa Google "momwe mungathanirane ndi nkhanza za pa intaneti" ingasonyeze kuti mphamvu yanu ikusowa mfundo yofunika kwambiri.
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5. Kuyankha mwaukali kudzaipiraipira
Mkwiyo, monga momwe zimakhalira nthawi zambiri, sungakuthandizeni kupeza njira yothetsera nkhanza zobisika. Mukakumana ndi mnzanu wodzikonda , n'zotheka kuti angagwiritse ntchito nkhanza zobisika kuti akhazikitse ulamuliro ndikukupangitsani kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa.
Pochita modekha komanso osapatsa munthu wankhanza zomwe akufuna, mudzakhala mukuwakakamiza kuti aganizirenso machenjerero awo ankhanza. Yesetsani kucheza bwino ndi wokondedwa wanu. Kulowa mumfuti zonse zikuyaka moto mwina sikupangitsa kuti pasakhale opulumuka pamapeto pake.
6. Osapepesa kuti zithe
Tonse takhala mumkhalidwe umene timazindikira kuti kupepesa, ngakhale si vuto lathu, nkosavuta kwambiri kusiyana ndi kukumana ndi vuto lomenyana ndi mnzathu zomwe sizikuwoneka ngati zikukonzedwa posachedwa.
Vuto logonja ndi "kuthetsa" ndilakuti mumapatsa mnzanu mwayi wosankha njira zochitira nkhanza monga kuzunza maganizo kuti akupezeni zomwe akufuna. Ngati mnzanuyo azolowera njira zosokoneza monga kusokoneza kuti apeze njira yake muubwenzi, sangazindikire kuchuluka kwa kuwonongeka komwe akubweretsa kwa mnzanuyo.
7. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri
Kukakhala mkuntho m'maganizo mwanu, upangiri womwe mumapeza kuchokera kwa anzanu okhudzana ndi "izinso zichitika" sizingakupindulitseni. Ngati mukuwona kuti malingaliro anu akuchulukirachulukira ndipo mukufuna thandizo kuti muwathetse, chithandizo chingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi nthawi yovutayi muubwenzi wanu.
Kudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi nkhanza zobisika nokha kungakupangitseni kusankha zinthu molakwika, zomwe zingakuwonongereni kwambiri. Ngati mukufuna thandizo, Bonobology ili ndi akatswiri ambiri odziwa bwino ntchito omwe angakutsogolereni panthawi yovutayi muubwenzi wanu.
Ndiye, tsopano mukudziwa yankho la "kuzunza mwala?" ndi momwe mungathanirane nazo, mwina mutha kupanga chosankha mwanzeru pa zomwe mukufuna kuchita pambuyo pake. Ngakhale kuti chikondi chimayenerera mwayi uliwonse umene ungapeze, unansi wochitira nkhanza umakhala wabwino kwambiri ukanenedwa m’nthaŵi yapitayo.
Ibibazo
Kuponderezedwa kwa miyala kumatha, nthawi zambiri, kugwiritsidwa ntchito ngati njira yowongolera. Kupyolera muchinyengo ndi nkhanza, oponya miyala amatha kuyembekezera kukhazikitsa ulamuliro mu ubale wawo pochotsa kulankhulana kulikonse.
Zitsanzo za kugenda ndi mwala zikuphatikizapo mnzanu kupewa kukambirana nanu pa mutu wovuta kwambiri, kapena kukana kulankhula nanu nkomwe. Pokhala otanganidwa ndi ntchito zina, akhoza kukunyalanyazani kapena kukutsekerani kunja.
Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kupeŵa kuyang'ana maso, osapereka zizindikiro zosalankhula, kusintha mutu wa zokambirana kapena kungotuluka pa inu. Chitsanzo china cha kugenda ndi miyala ndi pamene kukambirana kukuchitika, koma winayo asankha kusachita nawo kapena kulankhula za mutuwo.
Narcissist ndi munthu amene sasamala za momwe khalidwe lake limakhudzira ena, ndipo kudzimva kuti ali woyenerera kumawapangitsa kusankha njira zachipongwe komanso zachinyengo monga nkhanza zokhomerera miyala kuti apeze zomwe akufuna.
Narcissistic stonewalling imachitidwa ndi munthu wamatsenga kuti athe kulamulira, kusokoneza munthu kuti amupatse zomwe akufuna, kapena kulanga munthu wina.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
