17 Makhalidwe A Mayi Wonyenga

Kusakhulupirika muubwenzi kungakhale kowononga, kusokoneza kukhulupirirana ndi kugwirizana. Ngakhale kuti omwe amabera angakhale ndi zifukwa zawo, zizindikiro za mkazi wonyenga nthawi zambiri zimakhala zoonekeratu, ngati ziyesedwa ndi chidwi ndi kuzindikira. Pali mitundu yambiri ya umunthu wachinyengo, ndipo ngakhale kuli kovuta kunena kuti akazi omwe amabera amatha kudziwika ndi zinthu ziwiri kapena zitatu, pali machitidwe ndi makhalidwe omwe muyenera kuyang'ana.

Ndiye, mumazindikira bwanji mawonekedwe a mkazi wonyenga? Ndipo ndi pamlingo wotani momwe kuli koyenera kuwunika kuti mkazi akubera motengera mikhalidwe imeneyi? Kodi mkazi amene anaberapo kale ndiye kuti achitanso chinyengo?

Ndizovuta kufunsa mafunso awa ngati mukuganiza kuti mnzanuyo ali ndi makhalidwe aliwonse achinyengo. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kumuyang'ana kwanthawi yayitali komanso paubwenzi wanu ndikuwona ngati wachinyengo. Koma ndikofunikanso kuti mukhale ndi chidziwitso ndikudziwa zomwe zikuchitika.

Kuti mudziwe zambiri, tinakambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Juhi Pandey (MA, psychology), amene amachita zachibwenzi, uphungu asanakwatirane, ndi kutha, ndipo anam’funafuna chidziŵitso chake chaukatswiri pa mikhalidwe ina ya mkazi wachinyengo.

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Zomwe zimachitika pazambiri zodziwika bwino ndizakuti amuna amatha kubera kuposa akazi. Komabe, a phunziro zimasonyeza kuti zimenezi zingasiyane malinga ndi zaka. Muzaka zapakati pa 18 mpaka 29, akazi anali ndi mwayi wochita chiwerewere kuposa amuna (11% vs 10%).

Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, kusakhulupirika kwa amuna ndi akazi kunawonjezeka m'zaka zapakati, ndipo akazi omwe ali ndi zaka za m'ma 60 amawonetsa kusakhulupirika kwakukulu (16%), komwe kumadutsa kwambiri mu 70s ndi 80s. Kumbali ina, chiwopsezo cha kusakhulupirika pakati pa amuna azaka za 70 ndichokwera kwambiri (26%) ndipo chimakhalabe chokwera pakati pa amuna azaka za 80 ndi kupitilira apo (24%).

Pali mwayi woti amayi angabere koma amalankhula mocheperako, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti palibe mbiri yakulephera kwawo. Komanso, akazi kaŵirikaŵiri amakumana ndi zotulukapo zowopsa ngati kusakhulupirika kwawo kwazindikirika. Kutaya banja, kulera ana, thandizo lazachuma, ndi zina zotero zitha kukhala zina mwazotsatira zomwe akazi amakumana nazo chifukwa chogonana kunja kwa banja, komanso kusalidwa kwakukulu komwe kumakhala ngati 'mkazi wakugwa'.

“N’zofala masiku ano kuti akazi azichitira chinyengo akazi awo mofanana ndi amuna,” Juhi akuti, “Akazi angabere chifukwa cha zifukwa zosiyanasiyana—kusalandira chisamaliro chokwanira kuchokera kwa bwenzi lake loyamba, kusakondwa m’chibwenzi, kapena kusakhutira pakugonana m’chibwenzi chamakono.”

Ngakhale ziwerengero zikuwonetsa kuti kubera kukuchulukirachulukira pakati pa amuna, pangakhale zinthu zabwino zomwe sitikudziwabe za akazi ndi zomwe amakumana nazo pakusakhulupirika.

17 Makhalidwe A Mayi Wonyenga

Makhalidwe a mkazi wachinyengo akhoza kukhala osavuta kutchula, ngakhale kuti ndi ofala. Koma kachiwiri, n'kovuta kuona wokondedwa ali ndi matenda ngati amenewa. Ngakhale zili choncho, taphatikiza mikhalidwe ina ya mkazi wachinyengo kuti tiyang'ane ngati mukukayikira kuti mnzanuyo ndi wosakhulupirika:

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1. Iye watalikirana naye

“Chimodzi mwa makhalidwe odziwika bwino a mkazi wobera ndi woti sakugwirizananso ndi inu, bwenzi lake lapamtima.” Ngakhale atakhala m’chipinda chimodzi, umaona kuti sakulowererapo ndipo palibe kwenikweni. wokondana naye maganizo,” akutero Juhi.

Pamene mkazi kunyenga pa inu, ngakhale chibwenzi makamaka thupi, maganizo ake adzakhala kwina ndipo iye adzaoneka nthawi zonse wotanganidwa. Sakhala okhudzidwa kwambiri ndi zokambirana za tsiku ndi tsiku ndi zinthu zazing'ono zomwe zimapanga ubale wodzipereka ndipo zidzaonekeratu kuti ngakhale pamene akuyankha kapena kuchita nawo zinthu, maganizo ake amakhala otanganidwa.

2. Watuluka m'nyumba mochulukirapo

Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati mkazi akubera? Adzakhala kunja kwa nyumba mochuluka kuposa momwe analili poyamba. Tsopano, izi sizikutanthauza kuti mkazi aliyense amene amapita kunja akunyenga bwenzi lake, koma padzakhalanso zizindikiro za momwe amathamangira nthawi zachilendo. Kotero, musanayambe kuganiza magawo obwezeretsa kusakhulupirika, lingalirani izi.

"Kuti muone mkazi wachinyengo, mudzawona kuti ali ndi njira yowonetsera kuti akuyenera kukhala kunja kwa nyumba. Adzanena kapena kunena molunjika kuti palibe chisangalalo chochuluka kunyumba kapena mukakhala naye. Kapenanso, angapeze zifukwa zina kuti atuluke panyumba - mwadzidzidzi kusalongosola kapena ntchito, "akutero Juhiing.

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3. Mafoni/malemba osadziwika bwino usiku

Apanso, kuganiza kuti kuyimba foni usiku ndi kulemberana mameseji ndi chinthu chimodzi chomwe onse obera amafanana ndiye kuti amangopanga zambiri. Komabe, sitingatsutse kuti kulankhulana kotereku kumachulukana pamene kusakhulupirika kwafala, kumabweretsa nkhani za trust.

“Mwinamwake amakhala wotanganidwa kwambiri ndi foni kuposa masiku onse.” Kapena mwina amazengereza kuyimbira foni mukakhala m’chipinda chimodzi.” Kapena angakhale akumwetulira mobisa mosangalala polemberana mameseji, ndipo mukamamufunsa za nkhaniyi, amangoyankha.

Izi ndizovuta kukhalamo popeza njira yodziwikiratu kwambiri ingakhale kuyang'ana foni ya mnzanuyo. Izi zitha kuyambitsa kusakhulupirirana pakati pa inu ndi iye, ndikupangitsa kukhala kovuta kwambiri kukonza ubale wanu.

4. Amayang'ana zifukwa zochitira ndewu/kukangana

Ubale wabwino kwambiri umadutsa muzokwera, zotsika, ndi mikangano. Pali ngakhale zochitika kumene kulimbana kumalimbitsa ubale, pamene ikuwonetsa nkhani zomwe zakhala zikukulirakulira kwa nthawi yayitali. Koma mkazi akakunyengererani, angayesetse kuchepetsa kulakwa kwake ndi chisokonezo chake poyambitsa ndewu popanda chifukwa.

"Popeza pamakhala kusagwirizana komanso kusagwirizana m'malingaliro, pamakhala mikangano yambiri, yomwe imakulitsanso kusiyana pakati panu,"

Juhi akuti. Nkhani zolumikizana mu maubwenzi Nthawi zambiri zimakhala zizindikiro za vuto lalikulu, ndipo pamenepa, zikhoza kukhala kuti mnzanuyo amadziimba mlandu chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kwake, kapena akufuna kukukankhirani kutali kuti mumusiye kuti asakhale ndi mlandu.

5. Anaberapo kale

Zina mwa makhalidwe a mkazi wozembera ndi zoti anachitapo kale. Ndi zomwe amachita. Amanyenga, amasonyeza chisoni, akulonjeza kuti adzachita bwino, ndiyeno amapita patsogolo ndikuchitanso.

Jamie anati: “Ndinali ndi munthu wina amene anali atabera mwamuna kapena mkazi wake wakale.” Zinali zabwino kukhulupirira kuti sangachite nane chifukwa chakuti ineyo ndi amene, koma sizinali choncho.

Sizili ngati onyenga ambiri sangasinthe ndikukhazikika muubwenzi wodzipereka, koma ngati kubera kwakhala njira ya moyo kwa iwo, ndizovuta kutulukamo. Mukudziwa, kubera nthawi zonse ndi kusankha, kotero musakhale ndi chizolowezi chovomereza kuti kubera mnzanu "sikungathandize".

6. Ali ndi nkhani zodzipereka

Mutha kuganiza kuti izi ndi zofanana ndi kukhala wachinyengo koma pali kusiyana kobisika. Mayi yemwe ali ndi vuto lodzipereka sikuti amangokhalira kunyenga, koma izi zitha kupangitsa kuti kusakhulupirika kwake kuchitike komanso zikachitika.

A kudzipereka-phobe adzawopa kulowa muubwenzi wanthawi yayitali pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana - kutayika kwa kudziyimira pawokha, nkhani zodalirika, kupwetekedwa mtima paubwana kapena kuzunzidwa, ndi zina zotero. Choncho, monga mmodzi wa chinyengo umunthu mitundu, mkazi amene safuna kudzipereka angagwiritse ntchito kusakhulupirika kupewa kuyandikira kwambiri kwa bwenzi.

Zina mwa mikhalidwe ya mkazi wachinyengo ingakhale kusadzidalira kwakukulu pa kuthekera kwake kumanga ndi kusunga unansi wokhalitsa. N'zotheka kuti sadzidalira yekha kapena wokondedwa wake, choncho, kunyenga ndi kuthawa kuchokera ku ubale wina kupita ku wina ndi njira yake yothanirana.

7. Iye ndi narcissist

Kukhala ndi a mkazi wankhanza kapena mwamuna akutopa. Ndipo, narcissist yemwenso akukunyengererani amakhala nkhani ina yonse yoti muzikhalamo ndikuyigwira. Mwa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya umunthu wachinyengo, narcissism imakhala pamwamba apo, chifukwa cha kudzikonda komanso kuyamikira makhalidwe omwe anthuwa amakonda kusonyeza. Mukawona mkazi wakunyengerera yemwenso ali ndi narcissist, chinthu chimodzi chomwe chingawonekere ndikuti akuganiza kuti akhoza kuthawa.

Narcissists ali ndi malingaliro opambanitsa odzikuza, kotero amaganiza kuti wokondedwa wawo sangadziwe zomwe zikuchitika kapena mosavuta. khululukirani mwamuna kapena mkazi wachinyengo chifukwa sakufuna kutaya mnzawo wonyenga. Narcissists nawonso amakhala ndi chisoni pang'ono kapena manyazi chifukwa cha zochita zawo, kotero kuti kusakhulupirika kungakhale kosavuta kwa iwo.

8. Amakunamizirani kuti mwamunyengerera

Kusintha kwa mlandu ndithudi ndi chimodzi mwa makhalidwe a chinyengo mkazi. Kuti achotse kukayikira ndi kumuneneza, angasinthe maganizo ake n’kuimba mlandu mnzakeyo kuti amamunyengerera.

Thomas anati: “Amenewa anali masewera a maganizo amene mnzanga wakale ankasewera nthawi zonse.

Mind-masewera ngati kuyatsa gasi mu maubwenzi ndi njira yabwino yodziwonetsera nokha kuti ndinu osalakwa komanso opanda cholakwa, komanso kupanga mnzanuyo kuti asatsimikizire zomwe akukuimbani. Ndipo ngati pali chinthu chimodzi chomwe onse achinyengo amafanana, kapena ambiri a iwo, ndikutsimikizira ena kuti ndi osalakwa.

9. Pali kusintha mu chilakolako chake chogonana

Pazikhalidwe zonse za mkazi wachinyengo, kungakhale kwanzeru kuyang'ana kusintha kwadzidzidzi kwa chilakolako chogonana, kaya ndi kuwonjezeka, kuchepa, kapena kusintha momwe amayendera ubwenzi wakuthupi.

Atha kuyamba kuchita ngati kuti kukhudza kwanu ndi konyansa kwa iye, ngakhale kukhudza pa mkono kumamupangitsa kuti asunthe mwachibadwa. Zikafika paubwenzi, atha kuyamba kupereka zifukwa pafupipafupi komanso zifukwa zodzikhululukira, ngakhalenso kunena kuti zisudzulo zakugona kuti zitsimikizire kuti nonse mulibe kulumikizana.

Kapenanso, atha kuwoneka kuti ali ndi chidwi ndi njira zatsopano komanso zatsopano zopangira kugonana, komanso kuchuluka ubwenzi thupi, ngati kuti akufunitsitsa kuyesa malangizo ndi zidule zatsopano m'chipinda chogona. Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, mudzazindikira kusintha kwake (kapena kusowa kwake) ndi chiyanjano.

10. Nthawi zonse amaseweretsa wozunzidwayo

Ndikosavuta kusewera wozunzidwa kuposa wochita chigololo. Kupatula apo, mungakonde kukhala ndani - munthu yemwe wakhumudwitsa ndi kuphwanya bwenzi kapena mwamuna kapena mkazi, kapena wina yemwe wavulazidwa ndikuzunza moyo wake wonse. Zotsirizirazi zimakubweretserani zabwino zambiri ndi chifundo, sichoncho?

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Chinthu chimodzi chomwe achiwembu onse amafanana ndichoti njira yawo yodzitetezera ndiyo kudzipanga kukhala olakwiridwa. Ngati kusakhulupirika kwawo kuzindikirika, iwo nthawi yomweyo amatembenukira ku njira zonse zomwe akhala osasangalala mu ubale womwe ulipo ndikukana kuyankha mlandu uliwonse. Ngakhale zitatero, akamadzudzulidwa mwanjira ina iliyonse, choyamba chimene angachite chimakhala ngati kuti si vuto lawo ayi.

11. Kudzidalira kwake ndikotsika

Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wodzikayikira, kapena mkazi, angatanthauze kuti munthu amafunika kutsimikiziridwa nthawi zonse kuchokera kumagulu akunja. Kusakhulupirika, kapena kudumphadumpha kuchokera pachibwenzi chimodzi kupita ku chimzake, ndi njira imodzi yolimbikitsira kudzimva kovutikirako.

Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati mkazi akubera? Ngati kudzidalira kwake kumakhala kotsika nthawi zonse ndipo amayang'ana kunja kwa iye kuti atsimikizidwe komanso kuti amve bwino, pali mwayi kuti amawona zokometsera zachikondi ngati njira yodzichotsera yekha, kuti adzimve bwino. Komanso, ndizotheka kuti kukhala pachibwenzi chimodzi kumamukhumudwitsa chifukwa akuwona kuti sakupeza kuyamikiridwa kokwanira kapena kutsimikiziridwa kuchokera pamenepo, ndiyeno, amayamba kuyang'ana kwina.

12. Iye normalizes kubera

Ryan anati: “Ndinakhala ndi munthu kwa zaka ziŵiri ndipo ndinaona kuti anali wabwino kwambiri chifukwa ankalankhula modekha za kukhala ndi anthu ena ndipo sankadandaula ndikanatchula kuti ndapeza munthu wina wokongola.

Kumbukirani, kukhala woona mtima pa polyamory kapena ubale wotseguka n’zosiyana kwambiri ndi kulankhula za kubera ngati kuti n’kovomerezeka. Kubera, mwakutanthawuza, ndikubwerera kumbuyo kwa wina ndikugwiritsa ntchito chidaliro chawo. Choncho, ngati munthu amene muli pachibwenzi zikuchitika za mmene anthu sanali anapangidwira kwa mkazi mmodzi, kambiranani patsogolo ndi kuona ngati iwo akuyang'ana kubera kapena kusintha mfundo za ubwenzi.

13. Iye wakhala akukunamiza

Pali chifukwa chake mawu akuti kunama ndi kubera amagwiritsidwa ntchito limodzi. Kachiwiri, ndi kovuta kunena kuti akazi amene kubera akhoza anazindikira ndi zinthu ziwiri, etc. koma pali mwayi kwambiri kuti amanama, osati za kusakhulupirika, komanso zinthu zina.

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Mkazi akamakunyengererani amanama pomwe anali, anali ndi ndani komanso chifukwa chomwe adatuluka mochedwa. Amadzikhululukira nthawi zonse za kuchedwa, kuyimba foni modabwitsa ndi zina zotero. Ndipo, ngati mutamuimba mlandu wabodza, akhoza kukunyozani ndikukutsutsani kuti simukumukhulupirira.

14. Nthawi zambiri sakhala wokondwa pafupi nawe

Ngati mkazi amene muli naye akuwonetsa kusakhutira kosalekeza ndi kukhumudwa kwa nthawi yayitali, pali mwayi kuti akufunafuna chisangalalo ndi chisangalalo kunja kwa ubale.

Mmodzi mwa makhalidwe a chinyengo mkazi angakhale kuti ziribe kanthu zimene bwenzi panopa achita, si zimene iye akufuna ndipo iye basi sasangalala. Izi zitha kuchitika pazifukwa zenizeni za kukhalapo kunyalanyazidwa mu ubale, kapena kukhoza kungokhala kusasangalala kapena kufuna kusintha.

Kupanda kuyanjana ndi chisangalalo sikungaganizidwe nthawi zonse. Mayi amene sakusangalala pachibwenzi poyamba angaganize kuti ayenera kumamatira ndi chiyembekezo kuti zinthu zikhala bwino, koma pamapeto pake, kusakhutira kwake, kaya kwakuthupi kapena kwamalingaliro, kungawonekere pakubera.

15. Amakana kukambirana nanu za tsogolo

Amakuuzani kuti amakukondani, koma zikafika pokonzekera kumapeto kwa sabata lotsatira, amatseka nthawi yomweyo. Tsopano, takambirana kale za kudzipereka phobia kukhala chimodzi mwamakhalidwe a mkazi chinyengo, koma mu nkhani iyi, si tsogolo lanu nawonso iye amakana kukambirana.

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"Ndinali ndi ubale womwe ndimaganiza kuti ndi wanthawi yayitali. Koma posakhalitsa ndinazindikira kuti nthawi iliyonse ndikayamba kukambirana za tsogolo - kumapeto kwa mlungu, kukumana ndi banja, ndi zina zotero, nthawi zonse ankazichotsa, akunena kuti sakudziwa kumene akanakhala mwezi wamawa. Pambuyo pake ndinapeza kuti akuwona munthu wina pambali, "akutero Deb.

Mwinamwake simungaganize kuti akazi omwe amabera amatha kudziwika ndi zinthu ziwiri makamaka, koma kukana kosamveka kapena kosamveka bwino kukamba za tsogolo kungakhale chizindikiro.

16. Akufunika chisamaliro chachikulu

Kubera pachibwenzi kungayambike chifukwa chofuna chisamaliro, nthawi zonse kuyang'ana pa inu. Mayi amene amabera akhoza kuchita zimenezi chifukwa amakonda kukhala pakati pa anthu onse ndipo amafunika kudziona kuti ndi wofunika nthawi zonse.
Tsopano, ife tonse timakonda chidwi, ndipo a ubale wabwino ndi imodzi yomwe onse awiri amapeza gawo lawo loyenera kukhala lolunjika. Koma pamene simungathe kuvomereza kuti ubale umadutsa nthawi zomwe simudzakhala kutsogolo ndi pakati, ndipo yankho lanu pa izo ndi kunyenga, kuti wokongola kwambiri amatchula chiwonongeko cha ubale.

17. Iye amatopa mosavuta

Kutopa mu ubale ndi wamba mokwanira, makamaka ngati mwakhala limodzi kwakanthawi. Koma ubwenzi umalimba pamene onse awiri amvetsetsa kuti ubale umadutsa muzokwera ndi zotsika ndipo kuti kumamatira ndiko kofunika.

Chimodzi mwamakhalidwe a mkazi wonyenga angakhale kuti amakhala chiyambi cha maubwenzi pamene chirichonse chiri chatsopano komanso chosangalatsa. Zikangopitirira manyazi oyambirira a chilakolako ndi chikondi, amatopa ndikuyamba kuyang'ana kwinakwake kwa chiyambi china, ndi zina zotero. Sakufuna kukhazikika kapena kukhazikika - amangofuna zinthu zabwino pachiyambi.

Palibe njira yeniyeni yodziwira ngati mkazi akukunyengererani kapena ayi. Mkazi akakunyengererani, sizingawonekere konse. Kapenanso, atha kukhala ndi zina zomwe zatchulidwa pano koma sangakhale akukunyengererani konse.

“Akazi angakhale nacho zibwenzi kunja kwa banja koma kukhalabe m'chikondi ndi mwamuna woyamba m'moyo wake. Ndipo ngati ndipo pamene wokondedwayo azindikira kapena kusintha, mwayi ndi wakuti mkazi akhoza kubwerera kwa bwenzi lake loyamba,” Juhi akumaliza.

Kuwona mkazi wachinyengo ndi chinthu chimodzi, kukangana naye ndi chinthu china. Muyenera kuwonetsetsa kuti muli ndi umboni wolimba musanamenyane ndikukayikira kukhulupirika kwake. Ndipo ngati zikuoneka kuti akukuberani, onetsetsani kuti muli ndi ndondomeko ndi njira yothandizira kuti muthane nazo. Mungafune kuganizira chithandizo, momwemo, Bonobology's gulu la alangizi odziwa zambiri ndi kungodinanso kwina.

Kuchita ndi kubera mwamuna kapena mkazi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zovuta kwambiri inu konse kuchita, ngakhale inu scoped kunja makhalidwe onse a kubera mkazi. Khalani amphamvu, koma kumbukirani kukhala wodekha ndi inu nokha. Nthawi zambiri zimatengera awiri kuthetsa chibwenzi, koma palibe kukayika kuti kubera mnzanu ayenera kuyankha mlandu. Tikukhulupirira kuti mwazindikira. Zabwino zonse.

Ibibazo

Zizindikiro za 17 za Sureshot Ali ndi Othandizira Angapo (Zikomo Pambuyo pake)

Zinthu 13 Zomwe Muyenera Kudziwa Zokhudza NSA (Palibe Zingwe Zophatikizidwa) Maubwenzi

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.