Kodi Mabomba Achikondi Ndi Chiyani? Zizindikiro 18 Zochenjeza Ndi Njira Zothana nazo

Chiyambi cha kugwirizana kulikonse kwachikondi ndizokhudza agulugufe m'mimba, maso a rose-tinted, ndi kuthamangitsidwa kwamutu komwe kungapangitse chirichonse kuwoneka bwino. Chidwi chanu chachikondi chikakupatsani chidwi chosatha, kukupatsirani mphatso zochulukira ndipo simungasiye kudandaula za momwe muliri wangwiro, malingaliro oti mwasesedwa amatha kukuyikani pamtambo wachisanu ndi chinayi. Watengedwa kwambiri, wokanthidwa kwambiri kotero kuti simuima n’komwe kuganiza kuti funde lachikondi limeneli likhoza kukhala mchitidwe wachinyengo, wonyenga wa kuphulitsa kwachikondi.  

Mumayamba kuganiza za munthu uyu ngati chikondi chanu chenicheni. Komabe, mukazindikira kuti chikondi chikuphulitsidwa ndi bomba, mumasiyidwa osweka mtima komanso osweka mtima, makamaka chifukwa, panthawiyo, mwakhala mukuzama kwambiri ndipo mutha kuvutika kuti musiye kugwirizana komwe mudapanga. Chiyembekezo chobweretsanso masiku abwino akale pamene dziko lonse la mnzanuyo likuzungulirani limakupangitsani kuti mukhale otanganidwa muzochita zomwe nthawi zambiri zimakhala zibwenzi. 

Chomvetsa chisoni n’chakuti kuika ziyembekezo zanu m’masiku amenewo kuli ngati kuthamangitsa mirage. Njira yokhayo yodzitetezera ndiyo kuphunzira kudziŵa ndi kuthana ndi machenjerero achinyengo a munthu wophulitsa mabomba achikondi. M'nkhaniyi, tikuwunika za psychology yophulitsa chikondi, zizindikiro, ndi njira zochiritsira, ndi zidziwitso zochokera kwa akatswiri azamisala. Juhi Pandey (MA Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito pazibwenzi, asanakwatirane, komanso uphungu wothetsa banja, kuti akuthandizeni kuzindikira zizindikiro zofiira ndikudziteteza. 

Kodi Mabomba Achikondi Ndi Chiyani? 

Kuphulitsa kwachikondi ndi njira yopusitsa kwambiri pomwe wina amakukwiyitsani ndi chikondi chochulukirapo, chidwi, ndi manja akulu kuti mupange kudalira pamalingaliro. Nthawi zambiri zimayamba ndi malingaliro abwino koma pamapeto pake zimasintha ndikuwongolera, pomwe munthu amene amakonda kukuphani amachotsa chikondi kuti akulimbikitseni. Ndi njira yomwe nthawi zambiri amagwiritsidwa ntchito ndi anthu olankhula monyanyira komanso osokoneza maganizo kuti apeze mphamvu pa maubwenzi.

Kuwombera kwachikondi kungatchulidwe ngati chida chothandizira kapena chida chankhanza chomwe chimagwiritsidwa ntchito ndi munthu kuti apeze, kusunga, ndi kulamulira ubalewo. Ngakhale kuti aliyense atha kuchita nawo kuphulitsa kwachikondi, njira yopusitsa iyi nthawi zambiri imakhala chida cha narcissist chosankha kukhazikitsa ulamuliro paubwenzi. Woyamba-yonse phunziro kuti awunikenso kuphulitsa kwachikondi anapeza kugwirizana pakati pa anthu onyoza ndi oponya mabomba achikondi. Akuti kuphulitsa kwachikondi ndi njira yomveka komanso yofunikira kuti pakhale maubwenzi okondana pakati pa anthu omwe ali ndi malingaliro odzikweza komanso osadzidalira.

Tanthauzo la kuphulitsa kwachikondi kumafikira pakuchulukirachulukira ndikuyamika kuchititsa khungu munthuyo pamapeto olandila. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira nthawi zonse kukayikira za "zabwino kwambiri kuti zisakhale zoona" m'matumbo omwe mumamva ngati wina akukukondani kwambiri, akufuna kukhala nanu nthawi yonse, kukugulirani mphatso zamtengo wapatali, ndikukupangani kukhala pakati pa chilengedwe chawo mkati mwa masiku kapena masabata atakumana nanu. 

Juhi anati: “Palibe cholakwika kuonetsa chikondi kwa munthu. kugwa mchikondi ndi. Komabe, pamene cholinga chokha cha kusonyeza zimenezi ndicho kupangitsa mnzanuyo kudzimva kukhala wolakwa, wodalira maganizo, ndi mangawa, ndiye kuti n’kumuchitira nkhanza kotheratu.” 

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Psychology kumbuyo kwa bomba lachikondi

Tsopano popeza takhudza zomwe kuphulitsa kwachikondi kumatanthauza, tiyeni tiwone chifukwa chake njira yopusitsira iyi imagwira ntchito bwino komanso chifukwa chake zimavuta kuti anthu ambiri aziwona momwe zilili. Ndi chifukwa chakuti chikondi chophulitsa maganizo chimakhudza kukweza munthu wina asanamugwetse. 

Chikondi, majesidwe aakulu, ndi chisamaliro chosalekeza zimakhala zoledzeretsa kwambiri kotero kuti n'zosavuta kukopeka nazo. Izi zikachitika, siteji yakhazikitsidwa kuti ichitidwe ndikuwongolera. Kuyang'ana mwatsatanetsatane mbali zosiyanasiyana za psychology yophulitsa chikondi kumapereka chidziwitso chomveka bwino cha chifukwa chake zimathandizira: 

• Dopamine kuthamanga: Ubongo wanu umakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi chikondi champhamvu, mofanana ndi kumwerekera. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa 2017 wofalitsidwa mu Mitundu ya Psychology, dongosolo la mphotho la ubongo limawunikira mofananamo mu chikondi ndi kumwerekera, kumapangitsa kukhala kovuta kuzindikira kunyengerera mwachikondi
• Kuwonjezera pafupipafupi: Pambuyo pa kusefukira kwa chikondi choyamba, wogwiriridwayo amayamba kuchotsa chikondi mosayembekezereka. Juhi akufotokoza kuti, “Izi zimachititsa wozunzidwayo kukhalabe m’chizoloŵezi chofuna kuvomerezedwa, kumawapangitsa kukhala osavuta kuwalamulira.”
• Kukokoloka kwa chidziwitso: Pokuchulukitsirani chidwi, wophulitsa wachikondi amalepheretsa ufulu wodziimira. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mungayambe kuika patsogolo zosoŵa zawo mmalo mwa zanu, kunyalanyaza malire aumwini. Phunziro la 2016 mu Makhalidwe Athu ndi Psychology Bulletin anapeza kuti kutamandidwa kwakukulu ndi kuvomereza kungapangitse kuchepetsedwa kumveketsa bwino maganizo
• Kusagwirizana kwa mphamvu: Kuphulitsa mabomba mwachikondi kaŵirikaŵiri kumabweretsa ngongole yamalingaliro—mumadzimva kukhala wokakamizika kubwezera, kumapangitsa kukhala kosavuta kwa iwo kukunyengani ndi kukupangitsani kukhala wolakwa pambuyo pake. Juhi anati, “Sizinena za chikondi ayi, koma zimangofuna kukupangitsani kuti muzizifuna.”

Kumvetsetsa njira zamaganizidwe izi kungakuthandizeni kuzindikira kuphulitsa kwachikondi koyambirira ndikukhazikitsa malire abwino. Chikondi chenicheni chimamangika pakapita nthawi; sichimabwera ndi mafunde ochuluka omwe amakukokerani pansi.

N’chifukwa chiyani anthu ena amakonda kuphulitsa ena mabomba?

Anthu ena amakonda kuphulitsa ena mabomba monga njira yodzilamulira, kudzikuza, kapena kubisa kudzikayikira kozama. Ngakhale kuti zingawoneke ngati chikondi chenicheni, zifukwa zomwe zimachititsa nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kwambiri ndipo, nthawi zina, zimakhala zosokoneza. Izi zikuphatikizapo:

• Zokonda za Narcissistic: Anthu omwe ali ndi umunthu wonyada amagwiritsa ntchito bomba lachikondi kuti apangitse kusilira komanso kudalira. Amalakalaka kutsimikiziridwa ndi kuwongolera, ndipo pokupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu apadera, amatsimikizira kukhulupirika kwanu. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa 2018 mu Journal of Personality Disorders, anthu okonda kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo nthawi zambiri amagwiritsa ntchito mawu osyasyalika ndi chidwi kwambiri ngati zida zosokoneza maubwenzi
• Kuopa kusiyidwa: Anthu ena amakonda bomba chifukwa ali ndi mphamvu kuopa kukhala wekha. Amakhulupirira kuti kuchulukitsira wokondedwa wawo mwachikondi kumateteza malo awo m'moyo wawo. Juhi akuti, "Kwa ena, kuphulitsa kwachikondi ndi njira yodzitetezera pokana kukanidwa."
• Khalidwe lophunzira: Ngati wina anakulira m’dera limene anthu amakondana monyanyira—kaya zonse kapena ayi—akhoza kutengera zimenezi akamacheza ndi anthu akuluakulu. Phunziro la 2020 mu Attachment & Human Development adapeza kuti anthu omwe ali ndi masitaelo okonda kuda nkhawa amatha kuchita nawo zachikondi chifukwa choopa kutayika.
• Kulamulira ndi kusintha: Pazifukwa zoopsa kwambiri, kuphulitsa kwachikondi ndi njira yadala yomwe imagwiritsidwa ntchito kupangitsa kudalira malingaliro. Juhi, "Ndi kupangitsa munthu winayo kudzimva kuti ndi wapadera kwambiri kotero kuti amanyalanyaza mbendera zofiira." Chikhulupiriro chikapezeka, wophulitsa wachikondiyo amatha kuyamba kuwongolera, kusiya chikondi kuti asunge wokondedwa wawo panjira yofuna kuvomerezedwa.

Sikuti aliyense amene amasambitsa wokondedwa wake ndi chikondi amakhala ndi zolinga zoipa, koma chikondi chikakhala ngati kamvuluvulu, ndikofunika kuti tibwerere mmbuyo ndikuwunika ngati zili zathanzi komanso zogwirizana.

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Masiteji okonda mabomba

Kuwombera kwachikondi kumachitika pang'onopang'ono. Ngakhale zimamveka ngati nthano poyamba, pamapeto pake zimabweretsa kusokonezeka kwamalingaliro. Umu ndi momwe magawo ophulitsira chikondi amachitikira:

1. Kukonzekera: Gawo la honeymoon pa ma steroids

pa gawo laukwati, wowombera wachikondi amakuchotsani ndi chikondi chapamwamba. Adzakuyamikirani, kukutumizirani mameseji pafupipafupi, kukugulirani mphatso zamtengo wapatali, ndikulengeza zachikondi posachedwa. Zimamveka zamatsenga, koma mphamvu yake ndi mbendera yofiira. Juhi akuti, "Oponya mabomba achikondi amapanga zongopeka, zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhulupirira kuti mwapeza mnzanu wapamtima usiku wonse."

2. Kudalira: Kutengeka maganizo

Mukakopeka ndi chidwi chawo, wophulitsa wachikondi mochenjera amayamba kudzipanga kukhala pakati pa dziko lanu. Angakakamize kudzipereka msanga, kukupatulani kwa mabwenzi, kapena kukupangitsani kumva ngati palibe amene amakumvetsetsani momwe amachitira. Phunziro la 2017 mu Journal of Social and Personal Relationships adapeza kuti kukwera kwaubwenzi mwachangu nthawi zambiri kumabweretsa kukhumudwa, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kuzindikira kuwongolera.

3. Kutsika mtengo: Kusinthako kumatembenuka

Atakumangani, wophulitsa wachikondi amakugwetsani pansi pochokapo - kukhala kutali, kutsutsa, kapena ngakhale. kungokhala-mwaukali. Akhoza kukusiyirani chikondi mwadzidzidzi, kukuimbani mlandu pa zinthu zing’onozing’ono, kapena kukupangitsani kumva ngati simuli okwanira. Juhi akufotokoza kuti: “Nthawi imeneyi imakupangitsani kufuna kukondedwa ndi iwo, ndipo kumakupangitsani kuyesetsa kuti muyambirenso chikondi chawo.”

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4. Control: The maganizo rollercoaster

Pakadali pano, wophulitsa wachikondi wakukhazikitsirani inu kuti mufufuze kutsimikizika kwawo. Adzasinthana pakati pa kutentha ndi kuzizira, kukupangitsani inu kukhala osagwirizana. Mungapeze kuti mukudzilungamitsa khalidwe lawo, kupepesa pa zinthu zomwe simunachite, kapena mukuda nkhawa kuti chikondi chawo sichinathe.

5. Taya kapena tambasula: Kuwombera komaliza

Ena oponya mabomba achikondi pamapeto pake amataya mnzawo akakhala otetezeka m'manja mwawo, ena amachita nawo "kukwera”—kukuyamwitsanso ndi kukupepesani kwambiri, kukulonjezani kuti musintha, kapena chikondi china champhamvu.” Zimenezi zingabwerezedwe kangapo, zomwe zimachititsa kuti zikhale zovuta kusiya.

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Monga mukuonera, mphepo yamkuntho yopangidwa ndi mabomba achikondi ingapangitse kuti zikhale zovuta kwambiri kuti muzindikire. Ngakhale mutadziwa bwino ndikumvetsetsa chomwe chikuphulitsa chikondi, mukakhala pakatikati pake, mutha kukhala ndi malo osawona. mbendera zofiira mu ubale. Kuti mudziteteze, muyenera kusiyanitsa pakati pa mabomba achikondi ndi chisamaliro chenicheni ndi chikondi. Nazi zizindikiro zosonyeza chikondi cha mabomba kuti musamalire: 

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1. Chibwenzi chikuyenda modabwitsa

Pamene ubale ukupita mtunda miniti, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu za chikondi mabomba. Munakumana nawo masabata atatu apitawo, munagonana ndi masiku atatu pambuyo pake, ndipo sabata yachinayi, munasamukira pamodzi. Ndi zopusa monga izo zikumveka ndi zizindikiro kuti ubale wanu ukuyenda mofulumira kwambiri ndi imodzi mwa mbendera zazikulu zofiira kuti musamalire. Njira yonse yogwera m'chikondi idzawoneka yodabwitsa kwambiri. Si inu nokha amene mumadabwitsidwa ndi kufulumira kwaubwenzi. Anzanu apamtima ndi okondedwa anu adzadabwa komanso okhudzidwa.

Pakakhala chikondi chenicheni pakati pa anthu awiri, ubwenziwo umapita patsogolo pang’onopang’ono komanso mogwirizana ndi onse awiri. Kaya kusamukira limodzi kapena kuchita chinkhoswe, mumakambirana za ubalewu musanalowe. Kumbali ina, pamene chikondi chiphulitsidwa ndi mabomba, bwenzi mmodzi amaumiriza ndipo winayo amadzimva kukhala wokakamizika kapena wokakamizika kuchita zimenezo. 

2. Adzataya ndalama pa inu; 

Kodi ndikuphulitsidwa ndi chikondi, mukufunsa? Yankho likhoza kubisika mu mphatso zomwe wokondedwa wanu wakhala akukugulirani. Ngati zikuwoneka mopambanitsa komanso zapamwamba, ndiye mbendera yofiira. Oponya mabomba achikondi ali okhudza kulamulira chifukwa akufuna kuti pakhale mgwirizano. Kupeza chidaliro chanu ndi chikondi chanu ndi mphatso ndi imodzi mwa njira zambiri zomwe zili m'buku lawo. 

Juhi anati: “Wophulitsa mabomba achikondi amakonda kugulira mphatso zimene zingachititse mnzanuyo kumva kuti ali ndi ngongole.” Zonsezi zingaoneke ngati zopanda vuto mutavala magalasi amtundu wa rozi. ntchito yopereka mphatso zimachitika ndi cholinga chofuna kukupangitsani kumva ngati muli ndi ngongole kwa iwo.”

3. Adzakuyamikani ndikukuyamikani 

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazizindikiro za kuphulitsa kwachikondi zomwe sindimawona muubwenzi wanga wakale. Kumayambiriro kwa ubale wathu, mnzanga wakale, wa narcissist, ankandiyamikira nthawi zonse. Ndipo amenewo sanali kuyamikira kwanu kwenikweni “Ndinu wokongola” kapena “Ndinu wokongola kwambiri”, koma mwachindunji monga “Muli ndi zala zowonda chonchi” kapena “Ndimakonda momwe mumakwezera nsidze mukamakamba za mabuku.” 

Amadziwa chomwe chingandichotse pamapazi anga ndipo adachigwiritsa ntchito ndipangitse kuti ndiyambe kukondana naye. Ndikayang’ana m’mbuyo, sindikuona chilichonse chochititsa chidwi mwa iye kusiyapo njira zake zosawerengeka zondiyamikira komanso kundigulira zinthu zodula. Anaonetsetsa kuti kudziona kuti ndine wofunika komanso kudziona kuti ndine wofunika zikugwirizana ndi maganizo ake ndi ziweruzo zake. Ichi ndichifukwa chake oponya mabomba achikondi amakhala ndi zoyamikira zomanga manja awo. Adzakuuzani zomwe mukufuna kumva. 

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4. Adzakutumizirani mauthenga ndi mafoni

Chimodzi mwazizindikiro zazikulu zakuphulitsa kwachikondi ndikuti mnzanu amalembera mameseji ndikukuyimbirani nthawi zonse. Mwina mwakhala pachibwenzi kwa milungu iwiri yokha, komabe amathera ola lililonse akukutumizirani mameseji. Zimenezo n’zachilendo chifukwa zimatenga nthawi kuti anthu aŵiri ayambe kugwirizana kwambiri kulumikizana kwamaganizidwe. Koma kwa oponya mabomba achikondi, ndi imodzi mwa njira zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva ngati ndinu ofunika kwa iwo. Si zachilendo kufuna kudziwa zonse zokhudza munthu amene mwakhala mukumuonayo. Komabe, ndi mbendera yofiyira pamene chidwi chonsechi komanso zokambirana zapamwamba zimayamba kukuchulukirani ndipo mumamva ngati mwatsekeredwa.

5. Akudzikuza chifukwa champhamvu zawo;

Chikondi chenicheni chili pafupi kupatsana malo koma oponya mabomba achikondi amalimbikira kukupumira m'khosi. Nthaŵi zina, kulimba kwawo—monga momwe tingawonere m’nkhani ya kuphulitsa kwachikondi kwachipongwe—kukhoza kukhala kolemetsa. Munthu akakhala kumbuyo kwanu nthawi zonse, akuyendetsa mayendedwe anu, akukufunsani mafunso ndikuyembekeza kuti muyankhe nthawi iliyonse, zimatha kukhala zolemetsa.
ndi kwambiri. Choipa kwambiri n’chakuti amaganiza kuti “njira yosonyezera chikondi” imeneyi n’njoyenera, chifukwa akusonyeza kuti amakukondani kwambiri, osaganizira n’komwe za mmene mukumvera. Izi zingakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu osowa muubwenzi.

6. Amakupeputsa;

Nthawi zambiri kuphulitsa kwachikondi kumakhudza kuyamikira kwambiri, koma nthawi zina, wophulitsa wachikondi angakupangitseni kukayikira malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu pokana mtundu wanu kapena zenizeni kapena kukana malingaliro anu. Kuyatsa gasi mu a ubwenzi amatanthauza pamene wina amasewera malingaliro anu ndi momwe akumvera kuti zigwirizane ndi zosowa zawo ndipo nthawi zambiri zimatheka ndi mawu monga "Ndiwe wamisala, siyani kuchita mopambanitsa" kapena "Ayi, mukupanga, zomwe sizinachitike". Ndi chida chachikondi chophulitsa bomba komanso nkhanza. Ngati mukuyang'ana kuphulitsa kwachikondi motsutsana ndi kutengeka mtima kusiyana, kuyatsa gasi ndikoyenera kusamala chifukwa wina yemwe wakopeka nanu sangakupangitseni misala pokuuzirani. Wowombera wachikondi angatero. 

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7. Adzadziwumba kukhala chinthu chomwe Sangafanane nawo

Juhi akuti, "Wowombera wachikondi yemwe ali pachibwenzi adzadziwa momwe angasinthire umunthu wawo malinga ndi omwe akulankhula naye. Iwo adzisintha okha kukhala munthu yemwe sali. Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa akufuna kuti muwaone ngati munthu yemwe mungamukonde ndikusilira. Ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofala za maubale abodza. "

Muyenera kukhala tcheru ngati chibwenzi chanu kapena munthu amene muli naye pachibwenzi akuwoneka kuti amafanana kwambiri ndi inu, pafupifupi ngati ndi chithunzi chanu chagalasi. “O, ndiwe wosadya zamasamba? "Ndikudziwa kuti mumamukonda Van Gogh. Inenso, ndimakonda kwambiri zaluso zonse." Zachidziwikire, mutha kukhala ndi zofanana ndi munthu yemwe mumakopeka naye, koma ngati izi zikuwoneka mochulukira, musanyalanyaze. Munthuyu mwina adafufuza zonse za inu kuti akupangitseni kuti muyambe kukondana naye. 

8. Amaponya liwu la 'L' posachedwa

Kugwa m'chikondi ndi njira yapang'onopang'ono. Kukopeka ndi kumene kumagwirizanitsa anthu aŵiri, kutengeka mtima kumadzetsa chikondi chaubale cha masiku oyambirirawo, koma chikondi chenicheni, chozama chokhalitsa chimatenga nthaŵi kuti chizikula. Zimachokera ku chiyanjano chamaganizo ndi kukumbatira chiwopsezo. Ndiko kudziwa yemwe mnzanuyo ali - quirks, zolakwika ndi zonse - ndikusankhabe tsiku lililonse, kupyola muyeso ndi woonda. 

Munthu amene amakonda kukuomberani bomba alibe chipiriro kapena cholinga chodutsa magawo awa akugwa m'chikondi. Ndicho chifukwa chake pafupifupi nthawi zonse amatha kunena kuti “ndimakukondani” posachedwa. Ngati mwakhala limodzi kwa milungu ingapo kapena miyezi ingapo ndipo akulankhula kale za chikondi chosatha kwa inu, ngati mukuona ngati sakukudziwani kwenikweni koma akufuna kukutsimikizirani kuti ali m’chikondi, ndi chizindikiro chakuti mukuphulitsidwa ndi chikondi. 

9. Samvetsetsa malire abwino

Ngakhale mutakhala pachibwenzi kapena mutakhala paubwenzi ndi munthu wina, muli ndi ufulu wokhala pawekha. Komabe, wophulitsa wachikondi samamvetsetsa lingaliro ili ndipo amakhumudwa mukabweretsa zofunikira malire abwino ndi zachinsinsi. Ndipotu, adzakupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu olakwa chifukwa chofuna malo ndi kudziimira pa ubale. Ndi chifukwa chakuti wozunza safuna kuti mukhale ndi ufulu wamtundu uliwonse. 

Mwachitsanzo, mukawauza kuti mukufuna nthawi yokhala nokha, akhoza kukunyengererani ponena zinthu monga, “Ndimaganiza kuti mumakonda kucheza nane” kapena “Mwandithamangitsa”. Kukankhira kosalekeza kumeneku kudzakupangitsani kukhala osokonezeka komanso kusagwirizana kotero kuti mudzagonja ku zofuna zawo ndikuwalola kuti ayende pa inu.

10. Amakutchera khutu 

Popeza chinyengo chophulitsa zachikondi ndichokhudza kuwongolera, munthu amene akuchipititsa patsogolo angafune kuyang'anira mayendedwe anu onse. Wowombera wokonda adzakhala ndi chidwi chodziwa zomwe mukuchita 24 × 7. Osati zokhazo, adzaonetsetsa kuti mukutsata komwe muli ndi ntchito iliyonse. Zimene mukuchita, kumene mukuchita, ndiponso amene mukuchita nawo maphwando—adzadziwa zonse popanda inu kuwauza zinthu zimenezi.

Sizingakhale zongokayikitsa koma kukhala ndi malingaliro odabwitsa. Poyambirira, zitha kuwoneka ngati ali ndi chidwi chofuna kukudziwani, koma pakapita nthawi, mafunso osatha awa a FBI-esque ayamba kukuvutitsani. Juhi anati: “Adzakhala akukuuzani nthawi zonse kuti azikuonani.” Zimenezi zingaoneke ngati kukusamalirani komanso kukuganizirani, koma palibe chimene chingakhale chosiyana ndi choonadi.

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11. Amalankhula za kudzipereka msanga komanso nthawi zambiri

Lamulo lofunikira pa ubale uliwonse ndi kusathamangira zinthu. Mukasuntha mwachangu, mudzagwa kwambiri ndikuwotcha. Koma ndi wophulitsa wachikondi, kuthamangira muzinthu ndi chizolowezi. Iwo adzadutsa mosiyanasiyana magawo a ubale pa liwiro la meteoric. Iwo adzakukakamizani kupanga chosankha.

Ubale weniweni umatenga nthawi kuti upangidwe. Muyenera kulimbikitsa kuyandikana kwakukulu kwamalingaliro ndi thupi kuti mupange ubale wabwino ndi wina. Ndi kuyesetsa kosalekeza komwe mumayika kuti mupange china chake chokhalitsa. Koma mukamaphwanyidwa ndi bomba lachikondi, sangafune kuchedwetsa kapena kupita patsogolo pa liwiro lomwe nonse mumamasuka nalo.

12. Amapanga zofuna zopanda malire

Munthu amene amakonda kuphulitsa bomba amayembekezera kuti moyo wanu wonse uzizungulira iwo. Adzakwiya, amasankha ndewu, kapena ngakhale kuwonetsa mkwiyo wosayenera kuti apeze njira yawo. Vuto ndilakuti, mukangoyamba kupsa mtima, zimatengera chitsanzo. Adzapitirizabe kukankhira malire ndi zofuna zambiri zopanda nzeru. 

Mwachitsanzo, ngati mutasiya kucheza ndi anzanu usiku chifukwa mnzanuyo akudandaula za momwe amayembekezera kuti azikhala nanu, azichita nthawi zonse ndipo sadzasiya mpaka mutasiya lingaliro lokhala ndi moyo kunja kwa chiyanjano. Mofananamo, angayembekezere kuti mudzalankhula nawo mpaka pakati pa usiku ngakhale adziŵa bwino lomwe kuti mwayamba m’bandakucha tsiku lotsatira. Kapena ndikufunseni kuti musiye mapulani anu ndi banja lanu chifukwa akukusowani.  

Ngati mukudabwa, "Kodi ndikuphulitsidwa ndi chikondi?", zindikirani mtundu wa zomwe wokondedwa wanu amakupangirani. Ngati zofuna zawo ndi ziyembekezo zawo zikuwoneka zosatheka koma iwo sakuwona izo mwanjira imeneyo konse ndipo mmalo mwake amakupusitsani inu kuganiza kuti mukuchita mopambanitsa, inu muli mkati mwa chizungulire cha narcissistic chikondi kuphulitsa mabomba. 

13. Mumayembekezeredwa kuwakonda monga momwe amafunira kukondedwa

Kupatula kufuna chisamaliro chanu ndi kudalira inu kaamba ka chimwemwe chawo, iwo amayembekezeranso inu kuwakonda iwo mwanjira inayake. Mukalephera kuchita zomwe akuyembekezera, adzakubwezerani mopanda mantha, kukukhumudwitsani, kukunyozani, kapenanso kukuchitirani chipongwe. Ngakhale chaching'ono ngati mutenga nthawi yayitali kuposa nthawi zonse kuti muyankhe zolemba zawo zitha kukhala zokwanira kuwathetsa. 

Ngati mukufuna kumvetsetsa momwe mungachitire kusiyanitsa kuphulitsa kwachikondi ndi chisamaliro chenicheni, yambani kutchera khutu ku mmene munthu amene muli naye amachitira zinthu zikakhala kuti sizikuyenda bwino. Munthu amene amakuderani nkhawa sangayang'ane njira zoti abwezere kwa inu pazing'ono zilizonse kapena zokhumudwitsa zilizonse. Wowombera wachikondi adzatero. Juhi anati: “Amafuna kuti uzichita zinthu mosalakwitsa chilichonse chifukwa munthu woponya mabomba wachikondi amaona kuti ndi wangwiro.

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14. Ena amakuchenjezani za bwenzi lanu

Chifukwa cha kuphulika kwachikondi, simungathe kuwona mitundu yeniyeni ya mnzanu (osati poyamba). Koma pakhoza kukhala anthu omwe ali pafupi nanu omwe amazindikira zolinga zawo ndikukuchenjezani. Muyenera kumvera machenjezo amenewo kuti mudzipulumutse nthawi. Wophulitsa bomba wachikondi amakhala ndi umunthu wokongola kwambiri poyambira, koma ubalewo ukayamba kuwuka, atha kukhala opusa kapena opusa. wozunza maganizo. Chifukwa chake ngati anzanu ndi achibale anu akuyesera kukudziwitsani kapena kukuchenjezani, mvetserani. 

15. Padzakhala zotengeka zambiri muubwenzi

Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi bomba lachikondi sikuyenda bwino. Pokhala nawo, mudzasintha kuchoka kumalekezero amalingaliro kupita ku ena. Kuchokera pa kutengeka mtima kosalekeza mpaka kunyalanyazidwa, kutsutsidwa, kapena kutayidwa, mudzakumana ndi zopambanitsa pamene mukudutsa magawo osiyanasiyana a kayendedwe ka mabomba achikondi, ndikupangitsa kuti ikhale yachikale. maubale oopsa zomwe zimakusiyirani kupwetekedwa mtima kwakukulu. 

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16. Angathe kukuphani Kusatetezeka kwanu

Oponya mabomba achikondi amazindikira kudziyang'anira pansi mwachangu kwambiri, mwina chifukwa iwowo amavutika ndi izi, ndipo amazigwiritsa ntchito kuti azitha kudalira ndikukupangitsani kumva ngati simungathe kugwira ntchito ndi kuvomereza kwawo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukulimbana ndi vuto la maonekedwe a thupi lanu, anganenepo za maonekedwe anu kapena angakufunseni mobisa mmene kavalidwe kanu kamakupangitsirani kuwoneka kuti akuwonjezera kudzikayikira kwanu. Kapena ngati mumagawana zokumbukira zowawa kapena zochititsa manyazi panthawi yomwe muli pachiwopsezo, atha kuzigwiritsa ntchito kuti akuwonongeni. 

17. Mumayenda pazigoba za mazira kuzungulira iwo 

Ngati mukuona ngati inu simungakhoze kulankhula za mtima wanu kapena simungathe momasuka kugawana zimene zili m'maganizo mwanu ndi mnzanuyo, ndiye chimodzi mwa tingachipeze powerenga chikondi mabomba zizindikiro mu ubwenzi. Juhi akuti, “Simuli wolungama kuyenda pa zipolopolo za mazira kuzungulira iwo koma inunso simukumva otetezeka. Mudzamva ngati ngati zinthu sizikuyenda molingana ndi zomwe wophulitsa wachikondi amayembekezera, muyenera kupirira. Mudzalangidwa ngati zinthu sizikuyenda mwanjira inayake. Mudzasiyidwa mukumva kuti muli osangalala m'maganizo komanso mwakuthupi. Ichi ndi njira yanu yoti muwatsutse kapena mutha kukhala pachiwopsezo cha kuphulitsidwa kwachikondi kosatha. ”

18. Adziika okha patsogolo Pachilichonse

Oponya mabomba achikondi amakonda kupanga zonse zomwe zimachitika mozungulira iwo okha. Ngati muyesa kutero ikani malire, amaziona ngati mukukankhira kutali. Ngati muyesa kuthana ndi mavuto omwe akhala akukuvutitsani, amakwiya chifukwa malingaliro awo akhumudwa. Ngati muyesera kuti mupume paubwenzi, ego awo sangavomereze kukanidwa ndipo kamodzinso, adzapanganso za malingaliro awo ndi momwe iwo akhalira shortchanged ngakhale kuyesetsa kwawo kukukondani. 

Momwe Mungachiritsire Pokhala Chikondi Chophulitsidwa

Kuchiritsa kuchokera ku bomba lachikondi sikungopita patsogolo-komanso kuyambiranso kudzimva nokha ndikuphunziranso kudalira chibadwa chanu. Kugwidwa mumphindi ya chikondi chambiri ndi kudzipatula kungakusiyeni wothedwa nzeru ndi kudzidalira kwanu kodetsedwa. Koma m’kupita kwa nthaŵi ndi kudzizindikiritsa nokha, mukhoza kumasuka ndi kumanganso chidaliro chanu. Umu ndi momwe:

1. Vomerezani zomwe zinachitika

Ndikosavuta kudziimba mlandu kapena kukayikira ngati kuphulitsa kwachikondi kunali kwenikweni, koma sitepe yoyamba ya kuchira ndikuzindikira zomwe zinali - kusokoneza, osati chikondi. Juhi akuti, "Mukangotchula zochitikazo, mukhoza kuyamba kulekanitsa chinyengocho ndi chenicheni." Choncho, musamachite manyazi kuvomereza kuti munagwera m’chikhola chokonda kuphulitsa mabomba, popanda kudziimba mlandu kapena kulankhula mawu odzinyoza monga akuti, “Ndine chitsiru. kapena “Ndikadakhala wopusa bwanji kuti ndichite izi?”

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2. Osalankhulana kapena kuyika malire olimba

Ngati n'kotheka, chepetsani maubwenzi ndi munthu amene amakonda kukuphani ndipo tsatirani lamulo losalumikizana. Oponya mabomba achikondi amakula bwino pakuwongolera malingaliro, kotero kuwatsekereza pawailesi yakanema ndikupewa kulumikizana ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yochepetsera chikoka chawo ndikuzindikira zenizeni, makamaka ngati mukulimbana ndi kuphulitsa kwachikondi kwankhanza. Komabe, ngati kuwachotsa m'moyo wanu sikutheka chifukwa chogawana nawo maudindo monga kulera ana, muyenera kukhazikitsa malire okhwima kuti muteteze malingaliro anu.

3. Limbitsaninso ulemu wanu

Mabomba achikondi nthawi zambiri amakusiyani mukukayikira kufunika kwanu, makamaka pambuyo pa gawo lotsitsa. Kuti muchiritse, muyenera kuyang'ana kwambiri ntchito zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala amphamvu komanso odziimira. Phunziro la 2018 mu Kudzidziwa komanso Kuzindikira adapeza kuti kuchita zinthu zodzitsimikizira nokha, monga kulemba zolemba kapena kukhazikitsa zolinga zanu, kungathandize kubwezeretsa malingaliro anu.

4. Pemphani chithandizo kwa anthu odalirika

Maubwenzi achipongwe, kuphatikizapo zopha anthu mwachikondi, zingakhale zodzipatula. Kuti muchiritse ku zotsatira za kuphulitsidwa kwachikondi muyenera kupeza njira yobwerera ku gulu lanu lamkati la anthu-abwenzi ndi achibale omwe amakukumbutsani za omwe munali musanayambe kunyengerera ndikukukondani momwe mulili. Juhi akufotokoza kuti, “Kukhala ndi anthu amene amakuonani bwino kungachititse kuti anthu asamaganize molakwika za mmene mumachitira anthu ophulitsa mabomba achikondi.”

5. Gwirani ntchito ndi akatswiri

Machiritso kuchokera kusokoneza maganizo zimatenga nthawi, ndipo chitsogozo cha akatswiri chingakuthandizeni kukonza zomwe mwakumana nazo ndikumanganso maubwenzi abwino. Therapy, makamaka cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), yasonyezedwa kuti imathandiza anthu omwe amachitiridwa nkhanza zamaganizo kuti ayambenso kudzimva okha ndikukhazikitsa malire amphamvu.

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6. Phunzirani kukhulupiriranso—pang’onopang’ono

Mwachibadwa kusamala za maubwenzi atsopano pambuyo pophulitsidwa ndi chikondi. Tengani zinthu pang'onopang'ono, penyani mbendera zofiira, ndipo khulupirirani matumbo anu. Chikondi chiyenera kumva kukhala chosungika, chokhazikika, ndi chogwirizana—osati monga kutengeka maganizo. Machiritso siali mzere, ndipo masiku ena adzakhala ovuta kuposa ena koma sitepe iliyonse yomwe mungatenge kuti muzitha kudzidziwitsa nokha komanso kudziyimira pawokha kumakufikitsani kufupi ndi chikondi choyenera, choyenera.

Maganizo Final 

Chikondi chimakuchititsani khungu mukamva kusimidwa ndikusangalatsidwa ndi njira iliyonse, ndipo ndicho chizindikiro choyamba chochenjeza za kuphulitsa kwachikondi. The malingaliro enieni a chikondi ndi za ulemu wofanana, chikondi, malire abwino, ndi kulolerana. Pomwe, kuphulitsa kwachikondi kumamveka mwadzidzidzi komanso kosagwirizana. Ubale uyenera kukupangitsani kumva kukhala wamphamvu, wolemetsedwa, ndi wokondwa. Chilichonse chomwe chimakupangitsani kumva mosiyana - ngakhale chitabisidwa ngati chikondi ndi nkhawa - chikuyenera kukhala chomwe mukuchithawa. 

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.