Keeping in touch with an ex while in a relationship is an urge that most people struggle with at some point. Some give in, reaching out to an ex years later; others may succeed in reigning it as a fantastical desire.
Either way, when we’re overcome with a sense of longing to reclaim that part of our lives that no longer exists, many questions cloud our minds. Why do we want to reconnect with an ex? Is it healthy to keep in touch with an ex?
What does talking to your ex while in a relationship say about your current partnership? Is it a sign that you’re still hung up on them or dealing with some residual feelings?
Well, the answer may be hidden in a neurological pattern. When you’re in an intimate and serious relationship with someone, your nervous system co-regulates with theirs and a bond is formed.
You know each other well, not just on an intellectual level but at a body level as well. When a relationship runs its course, and the ex is suddenly removed from your life, your body craves that old co-regulation.
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That’s why so many of us keep gravitating back to our exes, even when we know that they may not be healthy for us.
Psychologically, this pattern can be explained by an inherent need to revisit a familiar space. So, is it normal to talk to your ex while in a relationship?
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The desire is not only normal but also natural and extremely common. However, that doesn’t mean keeping in touch with an ex after marriage or while you’re in a long-term committed relationship is necessarily the right thing to do.
To decide whether or not you should keep in touch with your ex while in a relationship, you have to evaluate many dynamics. What is your current partner’s take on it? How do you feel about your ex? Was the break-up amicable? Was the relationship healthy or were you in a toxic relationship?
Reaching out to an ex years later is always a tricky proposition, and the decision should not be made lightly.