People are not books, formulae, mathematics, pieces of art or music; they are a bundle of thoughts, emotions and behaviour, and therefore people are more complex than other things that we are able to understand, judge and predict.
We like some people more than others . We want to know them more. We want their attention. We want to spend time with them. The increased expectations are directly proportional to the interaction we have with these people, with whom we start falling in love.
Some of us forget that the interactive phase or the courtship period is just a ‘trial run’, without the element of commitment.
Such people start loving the other person. without realising that the other person has not yet made up her or his mind.
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So heartache is inevitable when we learn that the other person either is not in love with us or is no more in love the way we thought it to be. Dealing with such a situation becomes a challenge for some of us.
To overcome the pain and suffering when you discover that someone you got emotionally attached to is no more in love with you, you need to remember a few things-
1. You are not the first person in the world to experience heartache. Millions have suffered and have come out of it. Pain is something that adds to your understanding, knowledge of people and your own maturity. Though it is not a pleasant feeling, it is quite normal.
2. Do things that help prevent memories of time spent together. Delete chats, emails, and photographs from handset, laptop and computer. If you cannot gather courage to do this, as least move them to a folder marked ‘hidden’ and saved in a remote corner that is not easily accessible. Do away with gifts and mementos so that you are not reminded of the person.
3. Stop all communication with the person and also with those who may want to inquire or talk about her or him. People can suspend all communication when they want to, but in vulnerable moments there is a sudden urge to reconnect and therefore blocking communication channels helps.
When you are not expecting a call or are not supposed to call, why have the phone number listed in your phone?
Related reading: Divorce is about letting go, not holding on
4. Once you are in better control of yourself, pat yourself on your back. But there will be times when you may need help. The urge, the confusion and the hope may make you take a wrong step and therefore in order to block this possibility, you can talk to a friend or a counselor about your feelings.
5. When you cannot help remaining sane and normal there is no harm in becoming sad. You may cry loudly if you feel like. Crying makes one feel better, because with stress and anger getting washed out you are also relieved of the toxins. You feel light, relaxed and refreshed.
6. Please understand that the ability to guide, manage and control someone else does not lie in your hands. Put yourself in his or her place and imagine if you would like to do what others want from you or would you like to be a person with free will and independence. Why should he or she behave the way you want? If you once loved someone, respect her or his decision.
7. Move away from ‘blame game’. Do not find faults with the individual, other people or circumstances. Instead, start accepting the current situation. Once you are closer to reality it would be easier for you to distance yourself from the pain.
8. Try to make new friends. Invest time in people who make you happier. The social support system in a collective society like ours is always readily available.
9. Plan a trip or a vacation with family or friends. Create new and happy memories which will be your new treasure to fall back upon, when you feel lonely and sad. Click new pictures. Get a pet if you feel it might help.
10. Try to help a person who is undergoing similar trauma. Be a guide or a counselor to him or her. With what you have learnt in life, you can surely share some valuable tips with the person who is suffering. Realize the change in you. See what is good in you and around you.Published in