Izinhlobo Eziyi-11 Zokuhlukana Ezibuyelana Kanye Nezikhathi Zesikhathi

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Ake sithi ubudlelwano benu buphelile muva nje futhi wena no-ex wakho nanquma ukuhlukana ngokuthula. Njengoba usufuna ukuqhubeka, kunengxenye yakho engakwamukeli ukuthi sekuphelile. Uyazibuza, "Kuthiwani uma okwethu kuwuhlobo lokuhlukana olugcina lubuyelane?" Futhi, mhlawumbe uqinisile! Mhlawumbe kusekhona ithemba elisele 'ngenjabulo kuze kube phakade'. Ngokwesibonelo, bheka uJennifer Lopez noBen Affleck. Bahlukana kudala ngo-2004 kodwa bavuselela uthando eminyakeni edlule futhi bashayiswa ngo-2022! Qagela kwakuwuthando lweqiniso, phela. Kodwa yiziphi izinhlobo zokuhlukana ezibuyelana ndawonye?

Lo mbuzo ungase futhi ukwenze uzibuze ukuthi abantu bahlangana kanjani nomuntu abahlukene naye. Ingabe imibhangqwana ingabuyelana ngemva kwezinyanga zihlukene, futhi lokho futhi, ngaphandle kokucasuka phakathi kwayo? Futhi yimaphi amaphesenti okuhlukana abuyelanayo? Okubaluleke nakakhulu, ingabe ukuthatha ikhefu ebudlelwaneni kuyasebenza? Ungakhathazeki, njengoba singene sijula kulesi simo futhi silethe izibalo ezisekelwe ocwaningweni ukuze sikubonise ukuthi imibhangqwana enjalo ibuvuselela kanjani ubudlelwano babo obake baphuka futhi bahlala bejabule! Ngakho-ke, ake sizicwilise...

Izithandani Zibuyelana kangaki?

Okuqukethwe

Ngokuthakazelisayo, akuyona into engokwemvelo ngabalingani abahlukanisile kanye nemibhangqwana engashadile ehlukana (kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bahlukana ngokuthula noma cha) ukuba baphinde babuyelane. Eqinisweni, kukhona ngisho negama elichaza imibhangqwana enjalo yeminyaka emisha ebuyelana nabantu ababethandana nabo . Baziwa ngokuthi “imibhangqwana ye-yo-yo,” njengoba nje ne-yo-yo, ibuyelana emuva ngemva kokuhamba okokuqala.

Ucwaningo luphinde lubonise ukuthi imibhangqwana ehlukanayo ivame ukuvuselela ubudlelwano bayo. Eqinisweni, abacwaningi abenze ucwaningo baqaphele ukuthi ama-44% abantu abadala abasebasha abaneminyaka engu-17 kuya kwengu-24 babuyelana nabantu ababethandana nabo, kanti ama-53% athi aze alala nomuntu ayethandana naye. Ngokufanayo, ucwaningo lwango-2013 olwenziwe uprofesa waseKansas State University u-Amber Vennum luthi ama-37% emibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye kanye nama-23% emibhangqwana eshadile eyayihlanganyele ocwaningweni yayibuyiselene nabalingani bayo ngemva kokuhlukana.

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Izithandani zibuyelana isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kokuhlukana?

Manje njengoba sesazi ukuthi kuhle kakhulu ukuthi imibhangqwana eye yahlukana esikhathini esedlule ibuyelane, ungase uzibuze ukuthi, izithandani zibuyelana isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kokuhlukana? Nokho, ayikho impendulo emisiwe kulokhu, futhi ukubuyisana ngemva kokuhlukana kungathatha izinsuku ezimbalwa kuye eminyakeni embalwa, kuye ngokuthi ukuhlukana kwakubi kangakanani. Kodwa sicabangele izimo ezimbalwa futhi sathola ukuthi kuncike ezintweni ezimbalwa zangaphakathi nezangaphandle. Nakhu okwenzekayo:

Izitayela zokunamathisela: Abantu abanesitayela sokunamathisela esikhathazekile bazwa isidingo sothando ngaphezu kwabantu abanesitayela sokunamathisela esigwemayo. Yilaba bantu abaqala ama-patch-ups ngoba bashiya ubudlelwano lapho bezizwa becindezelekile futhi babuye ngokushesha lapho beqala ukuphuthelwa uthando. Ngakho-ke, ezimweni ezinjalo, ama-patch-ups angenzeka ngisho naphakathi kwenyanga yokuhlukana
Ukuzihlonipha: Uma ukuhlukana kwakunomunyu futhi kuhlukumeza, abantu abazethembayo bangase bangafisi nokubuyela futhi. Kodwa abantu abadinga ubudlelwano ukuze bazizwe bekahle ngabo bangase balulaze isithunzi sabo futhi bahlukane bese babuyelana phakathi nezinsuku ezimbalwa.
Idinga: Abantu bangase babe nezinhlobo ezahlukene zezidingo. Kungaba ucansi, imali, noma isimo senhlalo, izidingo zomuntu ezibaluleke kakhulu zishukumisela umuntu ukuthi abuyele ku-ex yakhe, kungaba ngemva kwenyanga noma izinyanga ezingu-6
Izimo: Ngezinye izikhathi, izimo zokuphila zingase zibe ngcono. Omunye umlingani angase athole umsebenzi othembisa ukuphila okungcono noma angase athuthele edolobheni lakubo, lapho ecabanga ukuthi bangahlala ndawonye ngenjabulo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, abalingani bangase bahlukane bese bebuyelana ngaphandle kokuhixaka okuningi

Umbhali kanye nodokotela wezifo zengqondo uGrant Brenner uthi lapho imibhangqwana ibuyelana kuxhomeke kubo kodwa uphakamisa ukuthi umuntu kufanele adlule esigabeni sokuqala esibuhlungu ngemva kokuhlukana futhi alinde aze aqiniseke ukuthi impendulo noma ukuntuleka kwayo ngeke kusamlimaza. Izinga lokuhloniphana lidinga ukufinyelelwa emuva ukuze bakwazi ukuxhumana futhi.

Izinhlobo Eziyi-11 Zokuhlukana Ezibuyelana Kanye Nezikhathi Zesikhathi

Ngakho-ke, ingabe imibhangqwana ehlukanayo futhi ibuyelane ingahlukaniswa ngezinhlobo? Uma kunjalo, zingaki izinhlobo ezinjalo ezikhona? Sizobheka isibonelo esisodwa. Ngezinye izikhathi, isimo esibucayi siphoqa abantu ukuba bavuselele uthando lwabo. Bheka uBen Stiller noChristine Taylor. Zingezinye zezibonelo zakudala zemibhangqwana eyahlukana futhi yabuyelana. Futhi kanjani? Baphinde bahlangana ngesikhathi sobhubhane lwe-COVID-19 ngenxa yezingane zabo. U-Ben Stiller, lapho ekhuluma ngakho, wachaza, “Khona-ke, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kwavela.

Okwabo kwaba yi-patch-up eyenzeka ngaphandle kwezimo. Ake sibheke ezinye izinhlobo ezinjalo zokuhlukana ezibuyelana ngenxa yezinye izizathu ezihlukahlukene. Izikhathi ezibalulwe lapha ziyisikhashana nakuba:

1. “Kulungile, phuma empilweni yami!”

Lolu hlobo lokuhlukana lwenziwa ngesikhathi sokushisa. Ukuhlukana okunjalo kufana 'nekhadi eliyinqaba' lokunqoba noma ukuqeda ingxabano ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho-ke, ukuthi “Angisafuni ukuba nawe” kuvame ukulandelwa ukuthi “Hei, uyazi ukuthi bengingaqondile kanjalo.” Umngane wami, uDebbie, ube nokuhlukana kaningi okunjalo kanye nokulungiswa nesoka lakhe. Lapho ekhuluma nami ngemva kokuhlukana kwakhe kokugcina, wathi, “Mina nowayengumngane wami sizolungisa futhi. Ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi ngizothola ucingo oluvela kuye zingakapheli izinsuku ezimbalwa.”

Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Uyazibuza ukuthi ukuhlukana okunjalo kungokwesikhashana noma unomphela? Okwesikhashana, ngokuqinisekile. Futhi ihlala isikhathi esingakanani? Akukude kakhulu. Imibhangqwana ingase ihlukane ngokuxhamazela ebusuku futhi ihlangane ngakusasa ekuseni. Isimo esibi kakhulu: impi ye-ego ingase inwebe izinsuku ezimbalwa. Kodwa kunjalo. Umugqa wesikhathi walokhu kwehlukana mhlawumbe mfushane kakhulu.

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2. “Ngeke ngikwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwakho”

Uhlobo lwesibili lokuhlukana olubuyelana yilolo olwenzeka ebudlelwaneni obuxhomeke komunye nomunye . Lobu budlelwano obuhlala bukhona, obungasekho buyimijikelezo enobuthi/eluthayo okunzima ukuyibalekela. Imibhangqwana ihlala ndawonye ngoba nje ayikwazi ukucabanga ukuthi ingubani ngaphandle komunye nomunye. Ingabe ukuba sebudlelwaneni obunjalo kuyazuzisa? Akunjalo neze. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abalingani abajikelezayo (imibhangqwana eyahlukana futhi yabuyelana izikhathi eziningi) babika izinga eliphansi lobuhlobo - uthando oluncane, isidingo sokwaneliseka, kanye nokwaneliseka ngokocansi.

Le khwalithi yobudlelwano ephansi ayikakakwazi ukubenza bahlukane njengoba uzakwethu oyedwa/bobabili babonisa izimpawu zokuthatheka. Ngake ngaba sebudlelwaneni obufanayo. Ngangihlale ngithembisa abangani bami ukuthi ngizobuqeda unomphela ubudlelwano. Kodwa angizange ngikwazi ukunamathela kuleso sinqumo futhi ngathola indlela yami yokubuyela esokeni lami lakudala kaningi.

Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Isikhathi phakathi kokuhlukana nokubuyelana ebuhlotsheni obunjalo asiside kangako. Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa noma amasonto ngemva kokuhlukana, umbhangqwana uvame ukuhlangana.

3. “Ngidinga indawo nje”

Uhlobo olulandelayo lokuhlukana noma 'ukuhlukana' luye lwathandwa nguRoss noRachel bevela ku -Friends . Uma uzibuza ukuthi lolu hlobo lokuhlukana lungolwesikhashana noma oluhlala njalo, impendulo isobala impela. Kulesi simo esithile, imibhangqwana iyahlukana ngenhloso yokubuyelana ngemva kokuzihlolisisa noma ukuzicabangela. Bafisa ukuthatha ikhefu ebudlelwaneni, futhi cishe njalo kuba ukuhlukana okunokuthula, okusekelwe ekuqondeni okubili.

Kodwa-ke, 'ukuhlukana' kusengadida kakhulu. Eqinisweni, izifundo zibonisa ukuthi abaningi abahlanganyeli babeshukumiseleka ngasikhathi sinye ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni babo nokuhamba, okuphakamisa ukuthi ukungabaza kuyinto evamile kulabo abacabanga ngokuqeda ubudlelwano babo. Lokhu 'kungabaza' yisona sizathu esenza abantu baqagele ukuhlukana kwabo.

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Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Lawa 'makhefu' ahlala cishe amasonto ambalwa noma izinyanga ezimbalwa. Lesi sikhathi ngokwehlukana sisebenza njengesheke langempela labo bobabili ozakwethu. Bese-ke, sebebuyele ndawonye, benomqondo omusha kanye nezinguqulo zabo ezintsha.

4. “Ngifuna ukuhlala ngingashadile”

isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kokuhlukana imibhangqwana ibuyelana — Izithandani zingahlukana ngenxa yezizathu eziningi futhi akuzona zonke ezihlala unomphela

Uhlobo olulandelayo lokuhlukana luyisimo esivamile esithi 'utshani buluhlaza ngakolunye uhlangothi'. Lapha, abalingani bangase bafise ukuthatha ikhefu ebudlelwaneni ukuze bahlale bengashadile isikhashana. Ake sithathe isibonelo somngane wami, uXavier. Muva nje uhlukane nentombi yakhe ngoba wayephuthelwa impilo yokungashadi . Kodwa iphupho 'ngokuphila kokungashadi' alizange lifane neqiniso lakhe. Lapho ekugcineni esekwazi ukugibela yedwa, konke ayekufuna kwakuwukubuyela kumlingani wakhe wangaphambili bese emgona. Ngakho balungisa izinto!

Lo mjikelezo 'wokuhlukana nokulungisa' awugcini nje ngobudlelwano. Uyasebenza nasemishadweni ngezinye izikhathi. Eqinisweni, ngokusho kocwaningo , abangaphezu kwengxenye yesithathu yabantu abahlala ndawonye kanye nengxenye eyodwa kwezinhlanu yabalingani baye bahlukana futhi bavuselelwa ebuhlotsheni babo bamanje. Futhi nansi impendulo yombuzo wakho, "Yiliphi iphesenti lokuhlukana elibuyelana?"

Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Njengasesimeni esingenhla, lokhu kwehlukana, lapho imibhangqwana ifisa ukuthatha ikhefu ebudlelwaneni ukuze ijabulele ukungashadi, nayo ingase ihlale izinyanga ezimbalwa. Ngemva kokuhlukana, cishe bayaqaphela ukuthi abanye abangaba abalingani abakhangi kangako.

5. “Ungikhohlisile!”

Lolu uhlobo lokuhlukana olubuyelana ngemva kokungathembeki . Ngokusho kocwaningo , ukuqomisana ngaphandle komshado kanye nokungathembeki kubanga u-37% wezehlukaniso e-US. Kodwa yiliphi iphesenti lemibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ngemva kokuba omunye wabalingani ekopela? Kunokuqonda okulinganiselwe kwamaqiniso ngalesi sihloko. Kodwa-ke, olunye ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi u-15.6% kuphela wemibhangqwana engazibophezela ukuhlala ndawonye ngemva kokungathembeki.

Nokho, kunezithiyo eziningi ekuhlukaneni nasekubuyeleni ndawonye, kulokhu. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uNandita Rambhia sithi, “Umbhangqwana kufanele ubhekane nezithiyo eziningi endleleni. Okokuqala, uzizwa unecala - kanti kokunye, kuyicala elivamile lokukhohlisa unecala, kokunye, kungaba unecala lokunganelisi. Umlingani oye wakhohliswa uzohlala ezibuza ukuthi ngabe kukhona yini abeswele, okungenzeka ukuthi kuphoqe umlingani wakhe ukuba abe nobuhlobo bobulili.”

Ngakho-ke, ingabe ukuthatha ikhefu ebudlelwaneni kuyasebenza ezimweni ezinjalo? Umsebenzisi we-Reddit wabhala, “Into ngokukopela ukuthi awusoze wakhohlwa. Kuyohlala kuyisisekelo sekhanda lakho. Awunakukhetha ngaphandle kokubheka lo muntu njengomuntu okwazi ukukulimaza. Bangase bangaphinde bakhohlise futhi, kodwa sekwephuze kakhulu, futhi awusoze wabethemba futhi.”

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Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana ezimweni ezinjalo uyahluka kusuka kumbhangqwana kuya kwabashadile. Ngokwesibonelo, kungase kuthathe isikhathi esincane (izinsuku/izinyanga ezimbalwa) ukuthi umbhangqwana ubuyelane esimweni sokungathembeki okuhlanganisa ukudlala ngothando noma ukuqabulana kanye. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungase kuthathe isikhathi esiningi (izinyanga/iminyaka embalwa) ukuze umbhangqwana ululame othandweni olugcwele nozakwabo.

Ingabe ngisemibuzweni yobudlelwano obunobuthi

6. “Nkulunkulu, ngifisa sengathi isikhathi besilungile”

Lokhu kuwukuhlukana okungahleliwe futhi kubuhlungu nje, ngendlela ethile yefilimu yaseHollywood. Lokhu kungase kubangelwe umlingani oyedwa ogxile ekukhuleni komuntu ngamunye noma ekuthuthukisweni komuntu siqu. Futhi cishe njalo, kunezinkinga ezithile eziyisisekelo. Ukuze sichaze kabanzi, nansi izibonelo zakudala zokuhlukana ' komuntu ofanele ngesikhathi esingafanele' :

“Ngiyakuthanda kodwa kumele ngigxile ezivivinyweni zami njengamanje”
“Ngifisa sengathi ngabe sisedolobheni elilodwa.Kunzima ukuwenza lo msebenzi”
"Ngiyakuthanda kakhulu kodwa angikakulungeli ukuzibophezela okukhulu"
“Umndeni wami ungiphoqa ukuthi ngishade nomunye umuntu”

Ngakho, imibhangqwana eminingi eyahlukana futhi yabuyelana yayihlukene ngenxa 'yesikhathi esingalungile' kwasekuqaleni. Abaningi bangena ebudlelwaneni bebanga elide base behlukana okwesikhashana ngenxa yokungaqondi nokungazethembi. Kodwa abantu abanjalo cishe bayobuyela emuva lapho izimo zishintsha.

Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Ukubuyelana ngemva kokuhlukana okunje kungase kuthathe izinyanga ezimbalwa ngisho neminyaka embalwa. Kuya ngokuthi inkinga/isizathu sokuhlukana sixazululeka nini noma lapho kuba khona izinguquko ezinhle.

7. “Ngiyohlala ngikuthanda”

Ukuhlukana nokubuyelana kuyabonakala uma uthando lusaqinile. Ubufakazi busikisela ukuthi 'imizwa ehlala isikhathi eside' ingenye yezizathu ezivame kakhulu zokuhlukana kwemibhangqwana futhi ibuyelane eminyakeni eminingi kamuva. Isibonelo, ukubuyelana nomlingani wami wangaphambilini kwangithatha iminyaka emihlanu. Ngaze ngathandana nabantu ababephakathi, kodwa akekho owayengangithanda njengaye.

Kodwa kungani sinemizwa engapheli, eminyakeni eminingi kamuva? Isazi sezokwelapha ngengqondo uGaurav Deka uyachaza, “Lapho abantu ababili behlangana, bazana kahle hhayi nje kuphela ezingeni lobuhlakani, kodwa nasezingeni lomzimba. Ngisho noma kuyingozi, umzimba uyafisa lokho kuxhumana kwezinzwa futhi lokho kudala isisekelo esiqinile.

"Esinye isizathu sengqondo sokuthi kungani abantu benikeza ithuba lesibili ebudlelwaneni kungenxa yokujwayelana. Cabanga ngendaba yomndeni wakho. Ngisho noma umama nobaba bakho benobuthi, usahlanganyela edrameni yomndeni, ngoba yindawo yomndeni. Kunjalo nakweminye imindeni."

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Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Uhlaka lwesikhathi lapha luyi-subjective. Abanye abantu kungathatha iminyaka emihlanu ukubuyela kwabalingani babo, kanti abanye bangathatha ngaphezulu. Bese kuba khona imibhangqwana ebuyelana nama ex ayo eminyakeni engu-20 kamuva.

8. “Ngifuna sihlale singabangane ngemva kokuhlukana”

Izifundo zembula ukuthi ukugcina uxhumano ngemva kokuhlukana kuyindlela evamile yokunciphisa ubuhlungu bokuphuka kwenhliziyo. Kodwa lokhu kusho nokuthi ukuhlala uxhumana nomuntu owayethandana naye kungagcina kuholele ekuxazululeni inkinga. Njengoba umqeqeshi wobuholi uKena Shree esho, “Usengathandana nomuntu owayethandana naye, kuyilapho uzibophezele komunye umuntu. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ubheka umuntu owayethandana naye ukude. Ukuba umngane nomuntu owayethandana naye kubonisa izinhlobo zabo obungazi ukuthi zikhona. Ngakho-ke, usengozini yokuthandana naye futhi.”

Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Isikhathi esiphakathi kokuhlukana kanye ne-patch-up singase sifinyelele eminyakeni. Ukukhulumisana okuvamile nokuvulelekayo nomuntu oshade naye kungase kungakuvumeli ngisho nokuthi uqhubekele phambili ngempela.

9. “Kudingeka siguquke”

Izinhlobo zemibhangqwana ehlukanayo futhi ibuyelane zihlanganisa nalabo abakwenzayo ukuze bathuthuke njengabantu ngabanye. Uyabona, ngezinye izikhathi, ukuhlukana kwenzeka ngoba umuntu oyedwa noma bobabili banezinkinga zomuntu siqu noma eziyisisekelo, njengokulimala kwasebuntwaneni noma ukuhlukumezeka kobudlelwano bangaphambilini, okubonakala ebudlelwaneni. Lokhu, kaningi, ukuhlukana okunokuthula. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi, uma benenhlanhla, abantu badlula ekuzicabangeni, bathole umbono, bazisebenzele bona, balethe izinguquko ezinhle, futhi babuyelane eminyakeni eminingi kamuva, njengezinguqulo zabo eziguqukile. Kungaba umona noma izinkinga zentukuthelo , abaphindi amaphutha afanayo futhi.

Nawa amanye amasu abantu abawasebenzisayo ukuze bazisebenzele:

Ukuziphendulela ngokugcwele ngazo zonke izikhathi ababenephutha
Ukuphatha okulindelekile (ikakhulukazi okungelona iqiniso)
Ukuthola ubuwena ngaphandle kobudlelwano
Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kumelaphi oqeqeshiwe

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Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Futhi, awukho umugqa wesikhathi omisiwe wokubuyelana ngemva kokuhlukana njengalesi. Kuzokwenzeka ngokushesha nje lapho abantu ababili beqaphela futhi bemukela ukuthi kunenkinga yomuntu siqu okufanele ilungiswe futhi abasazwelana ngayo.

10. "Ngizothola indlela yami yokubuyela kuwe"

Ukuhlukana kwe -twin flame kungenye yezinhlobo zokuhlukana ezibuyelana. Ungase ubhekane nokuhlukana 'kwe-twin flame' uma usufike esigabeni esibucayi. Ungase ube nguwe obalekayo kanti umphefumulo wakho we-twin flame ungase ukuxoshe, noma okuphambene nalokho, noma ungase uhlukane ngokuthula. Noma nobabili ningase nishintshe phakathi kwezindima zomgijimi nomxoshi. Isigaba ngokuyinhloko simayelana nokuziqhelelanisa nokuxhumana kwe-twin flame ngenxa yobuhlobo obusabekayo enibuhlanganyelayo nobabili.

Kungahlala kuze kube yilapho bobabili abalingani bebona ukuthi ukuhlangana kwabo ndawonye kuhlelwe amandla angaphezu kwamandla abo. Bakhumbula ilangabi labo elingamawele kangangokuthi ukuhlukana kwamawele kuba yisizathu sokubuyelana.

Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Ukubuyelana ngemva kokuhlukana okunje akunakugwenywa. Ukuhlukaniswa kwamalangabi amabili kungahlala amasonto, izinyanga, iminyaka, noma ngisho nokuphila. Phakathi nalokhu kuhlukana, omunye udlala indima 'yomgijimi' kanti omunye 'umgijimi'.

11. “Kukhona okushodayo”

Lena enye yalezo zinhlobo zokuhlukana ezibuyelana ndawonye. Masithembeke. Sonke mhlawumbe besikade sisebuhlotsheni obubonakala buyayisicefe obungenawo ama-zing obusinika ukuthula kwengqondo nokuzinza. Ngakho-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi senibe ndawonye izinyanga ezimbalwa noma ngisho iminyaka kodwa uzwa sengathi kukhona okushodayo: noma ubulili abubuhle noma nobabili nithathele phezulu futhi anisabhekile ukujabulisana.

Nakuba nobabili nizizwa sengathi nidinga ukuphumula ebudlelwaneni noma mhlawumbe nibuqede kanye kuphela, nobabili niyaqhubeka ngaphandle “kokuxoxa” ngoba nikhululekile kakhulu futhi ukuhlukana kuyanilimaza kuze kube yilapho omunye wenu enquma ukuqeda konke. Lokhu kungenzeka futhi ngoba utshani buluhlaza ngakolunye uhlangothi, futhi abantu abaqapheli ukuthi ubudlelwano abuhlali ‘bujabulisa futhi buyimidlalo’.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Umzamo Ebudlelwaneni: Lokho Okushiwoyo Nezindlela Eziyi-12 Zokukubonisa

Umugqa wesikhathi wokuhlukana

Njengoba lokhu kuwukuhlukana okunokuthula, maningi amathuba okuthi nibuyelane futhi uma nizama ukuzibumba ngokwezifiso zabo, futhi ngokuphambene nalokho. Umngane wami, u-Trisha, akagcinanga ngokudla inyama kuphela kodwa futhi wazama ukulahla imfashini esezingeni eliphezulu ukuze afane nesoka lakhe, elaliyinsizwa elula ephila ukuphila okuzinzile. Isoka lakhe nalo lazilungisa izindlela zalo futhi lazama ukulinganisa.

Nakuba base behlukene izinyanga eziyisithupha, bagcina bephinde bahlangana, njengoba bobabili babekhululekile kakhulu komunye nomunye. Akekho owayefuna ukuzama umlingani omusha, njengoba babefisa ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo ababekuthola komunye nomunye. UTrisha, ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kwakhe isikhashana, wathi kimi: “Mina nowayengumlingani wami mhlawumbe sasihlanganyela amandla ngokomzwelo njengomlingani womphefumulo . Nginomuzwa wokuthi sihloselwe ukuba ndawonye futhi.”

Indlela Yokubuyelana Ngemva Kokuhlukana Ngokwemvelo

Ngalokhu, siqeda izinhlobo zokuhlukana ezibuyelana. Kodwa umuntu kufanele akwenze kanjani uma ehlukana okwesikhashana? Uzibuza ukuthi angabuyelana kanjani ngemva kokuhlukana? Okubaluleke kakhulu, kungenzeka yini ukuthi nibuyelane ngemva kokuhlukana ngaphandle kokucasuka noma ukungabaza? Ingabe kufanele ukwenze ngisho noma ubona izimpawu eziqinisekile zokuthi akakaze akuthande ? Noma ukuthi ukusebenzisile? Yebo, kunjalo impela, futhi sizokutshela ukuthi kanjani. Nazi ezinye zezeluleko ezingezansi. Okokuqala, yiba qotho kuwe futhi uzibuze le mibuzo ebalulekile:

Kwakuyini okukhulu izizathu ezidale ukuhlukana?
Yiziphi izixazululo namasu okuxazulula lezo zinkinga?
Ingabe mina no-ex wami singasebenza ndawonye ngesineke?
Ingabe nginalo uhlu lwezigebengu ezingalungiseki?
Ingabe siyehluka ngokuyisisekelo ngokwezimiso zethu ezibalulekile?

ukubuyisana ngemva kokuhlukana — Ukubuyelana ngemva kokuhlukana kudinga ukuhloniphana nokukhulumisana okunempilo

Ngemva kokuyihlolisisa kahle imibuzo ebalwe ngenhla, ungalandela lezi zinyathelo:

Buza i-ex yakho lokho abakufundile ekuhlukaneni kokuqala futhi nixoxe ngokuthatha kwakho futhi. Ukuxhumana ngokukhululekile kwenza izimanga
Beka okulindelwe okucacile kanye nemingcele enempilo mayelana nokuthi yini evunyelwe nengavunyelwe
Gcinani ukuhloniphana, futhi ungadlali umdlalo wokusola
Gcina abangani bakho nobabili benolwazi esikhundleni sokukugcina kuyimfihlo
Zicabange njengomuntu wesithathu (Ungacebisa umngane wakho ukuthi abuye?)
Dlula esivivinyweni sokuhlola impumelelo yokubuyisana ngemva kokuhlukana
Thatha izinto kancane KAKHULU
Ungaphakamisi izindaba zesikhathi esidlule. Cabangela lolu thando njengento ehlanzekile
Uma kuyisikhathi sokuzikhulula, ungesabi ukuphinda ulahle ithemba futhi ungalindi ukuthi babuye (ukuzethemba ngaphezu kwanoma yini)

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile

Ucwaningo luye lwafakazela ukuthi akuvamile ukuthi abantu babuyelane nomuntu owayethandana naye ngemva kokuhlukana
Ezinhlotsheni ezihlukene zokuhlukana ezibuyelana ndawonye, ezinye “Ngidinga indawo ethile” ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana “okuthile okushodayo” kanye nokuhlukana kokuthi “sidinga ukuguquka”
Isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kokuhlukana imibhangqwana ibuyelana kuncike ezintweni ezimbalwa zangaphakathi nezangaphandle ezifana nezitayela zabo zokunamathisela, izidingo kanye nezinga lokuzihlonipha.
Ezinye zezindlela zokubuyelana ngemva kokuhlukana yilezi: ukuthola izinkinga ezinkulu, ukunquma ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile, ukugcina abangani bobabili benolwazi, nokulungisa izinto ndawonye.

Manje njengoba sesinayo impendulo yombuzo ovuthayo: kungenzeka yini ukuthi nibuyelane ngemva kokuhlukana?, ake sikhulume futhi ngokuyeka i-ex. Yebo, siyazi ukuthi ukuvalwa kungase kube nzima ngezinye izikhathi! Kulokhu, uGaurav uyeluleka, “Kuphi ukuvala lapho abazali beshona bese uphuthelwa ukuvalelisa kwakho okokugcina? Ngakho, ukuze uvale, awumdingi omunye umuntu. Okudingayo nguwe kuphela. Ukuvalwa kufanele kwenzeke ngaphakathi kuwe. ? Themba inqubo yokuphulukisa.”

Ngakho-ke, ungalahli ithemba uma ekugcineni ungakwazi ukubuyelana nowayenguzakwethu futhi ungasahlali ekhasini elifanayo. Empeleni ungase ugcine nomunye umuntu ongcono kakhulu. Phela kungcono ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuqhubekela phambili kunokunamathela ebudlelwaneni obungenasiphelo noma ulinde lowo muntu ongase angaphinde abuye.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Izithandani zibuyelana isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kokuhlukana?

Imibhangqwana ehlukanayo futhi ibuyelane yenza lokho ngejubane layo. Awukho umugqa wesikhathi omisiwe, noma ukunemba, umugqa wesikhathi uncike ezinhlotsheni zokuhlukana ezibuyelana ndawonye. Limfushane ngokuhlukana okushisayo futhi lide ekwehlukaneni nokungathembeki. Ngokufanayo, imfushane ngokuhlukana kobudlelwane obuncikene futhi yinde ngokuhlukana 'kwesikhathi esingalungile'. Ozakwethu bangase futhi bathathe ikhefu ebudlelwaneni ngokuzithandela kuze kube yilapho isimo esithile sempilo siba ngcono.

2. Ingabe ukuhlukana okuningi kuyabuyelana?

Ngakho-ke, ingabe imibhangqwana ingaphinde ihlangane ngemva kwezinyanga eziningi ihlukene? Nokho, ngokusho kocwaningo , cishe ama-50% emibhangqwana aphinde ahlangane nomuntu ayethandana naye. Isikhathi sokuhlukana singahluka kusukela ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kuya eminyakeni embalwa.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.