9 Izimpawu Zokungabi Nozwelo Ebudlelwaneni Nezindlela Eziyi-11 Zokubhekana Nazo

Ukuba sebudlelwaneni nomuntu onobugovu, ongazinaki izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo, okwenza imizwelo yakho ingasebenzi, ongawamukeli amaphutha akhe, futhi obheka izindlela zokususa icala kungase kukhathaze futhi kuqede amandla. Yilokho okwenzekayo lapho ubhekene nokungabi nozwelo komlingani. Ungase uzithole uzama ukuhlenga ubudlelwano bakho ngaphandle kokuyekethisa izidingo zakho. Kodwa ngaphandle kokuba umlingani wakho ekulungele ukuhlangana nawe phakathi nendawo (njengokuvamile kwabantu abangenalo uzwela), kungaba umgwaqo onzima ukuhamba, akunjalo? Lokho kusho, ukubhekana nokuntula uzwela okuphelele ebuhlotsheni kungenzeka. Udinga nje amasu afanele nendlela.

Kulesi sihloko, sicacisa ukuthi ziyini lezo zindlela, ngokubonisana nodokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ogxile ekwelulekeni kobudlelwano kanye nokwelashwa kokuziphatha okunengqondo. Kule nqubo, sizokusiza futhi ukuthi uthuthukise ukuqonda okungcono ngale ndaba ngokuphendula imibuzo ethile ebalulekile—Kusho ukuthini ukuntuleka kozwela? Wazi kanjani ukuthi umlingani wakho akanalo uzwela? Kungani abanye abantu bengenalo uzwela ngabathandekayo babo?

Kuyini Ukuzwela Ebudlelwaneni?

Kuyini ngempela uzwela? Kalula nje, yikhono lokuqonda nokwazisa umbono womunye umuntu, ulwazi lwakhe, kanye nemizwa yakhe ngokuzibeka ezicathulweni zakhe. Uzwela lungenye yezimpawu ezibaluleke kakhulu okufanele uzibheke kumlingani wakho ngoba luhamba ibanga elide ekunqumeni ikhwalithi yobuhlobo bakho. Eqinisweni, izifundo zibonise ukuthi uzwela, ngokuvamile, “…lungakhuthaza ubudlelwano obungcono nabantu ongabazi” futhi ludlale indima ebalulekile “ekunciphiseni ubandlululo kanye nobandlululo oluhlelekile.”

Uma uzwela lungasiza abantu ongabazi ukuthi basondelane, ungacabanga ukuthi kungaba nomthelela ongakanani phakathi kwabalingani. UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Ebuhlotsheni, abantu ababili abavela ezizindeni ezimbili ezihlukene kakhulu bayahlangana ukuze basebenzele umgomo ofanayo. Bavela emasikweni nasezikhulisweni ezahlukene, banemibono nezinhlelo zezindinganiso ezihlukene kakhulu, futhi banezindlela zabo ezihlukile zokuphila.

"Ngokwemvelo, abavumelani ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kodwa kufanele basebenzisane becabanga ngezinto eziza kuqala ezifanayo. Uzwela luqala ukugqama lapho bexoxa ngokungezwani kwabo ngenkathi bethatha uhambo lokufinyelela imigomo yobudlelwano obufanayo . Ukuqaphela ukuthi yini ebalulekile kumlingani wakho." Ake sithathe isibonelo ukuze sikuqonde kangcono lokhu. UJason noNatasha sebethandane iminyaka emithathu.

UNatasha uyithanda kakhulu inkolo, kanti uJason akakholelwa ukuthi uNkulunkulu ukhona. Lapho uyise kaNatasha elaliswa esibhedlela, wayekhungathekile futhi ekhathazekile. Nakuba uJason engelona ikholwa, wamkhuthaza ukuba athandaze ngoba inkolo iyingxenye ebalulekile yokuphila kukaNatasha futhi inamandla okumduduza. Kubonisa ukuthi waqaphela ukuthi uhlelo lwakhe lokukholelwa ludinga ukuthatha isihlalo esingemuva enhlalakahleni kaNatasha-ngisho noma kwakusho ukugunyaza okuthile angazange akubhalisele. 

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Lubaluleke kangakanani uzwela ebudlelwaneni?

Njengoba manje sesazi ukuthi kuyini ukuzwelana, ake sibone ukuthi kungani kubalulekile ebuhlotsheni. Uzwela luyithinta kanjani imibhangqwana futhi ingabe ibalulekile lokho? Impendulo ilele ekutheni uzwela lusiza kanjani imibhangqwana ukuxazulula izinkinga futhi kukhuthaze ukuqondana okungcono: 

• Uzwela lusiza ozakwethu ukuthi babe nomusa komunye nomunye: Ngozwela, nakanjani niyohlonipha izinqumo zomunye nomunye futhi nibonise umusa komunye nomunye
• Ikhuthaza ukuxhumana okungcono: Uzwela lukusiza ukuthi uqonde umlingani wakho kangcono futhi akushiyi indawo yokungakhulumisani kahle
• Kuyenza ukuxazulula izingxabano Kalula nakakhulu: Ngozwela, uzofunda ukuqonda ukuthi kungani othile enze iphutha futhi umthethelele kalula
• Yehlisa ukwahlulela nolaka: Uzophenduka umuntu ongahluleli kangako, njengoba uzokwazi ukuthi kungani abantu beyilendlela abayiyo

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Izinhlobo Zokuzwela Ebudlelwaneni

Ukuze uqonde indima yozwela ebuhlotsheni, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ibonakala kanjani. “Ukuzibeka esicathulweni somunye umuntu ukuze uqonde imizwa yakhe, imicabango, kanye nemibono yakhe” kungazwakala kujwayelekile kakhulu futhi kungabonakali. Ukusiza ukubeka lesi sici esibalulekile somqondo womuntu kanye nomthelela waso ebudlelwaneni babantu ngendlela efanele, ake sibhekisise izinhlobo ezintathu zozwela nokuthi ngayinye iyithinta kanjani inqubekelaphambili yobudlelwano:

• Uzwela olusebenzayo: Kulapho umuntu ekwazi khona ukubamba imizwa yomlingani wakhe futhi aphendule ngendlela efanele. Kubizwa nangokuthi uzwela olungokomzwelo. Ngokwesibonelo, owesifazane ubheka ukucindezeleka komyeni wakhe, uzizwa ekhathazekile futhi ekhathazekile, uphatha inkomishi yetiye ukuze amduduze, futhi amenze axoxele indlela azizwa ngayo. Uzwela olusebenzayo ludlala indima ebalulekile ekunikezeni ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo kothandekayo
• Ukuzwelana kwengqondo: Uzwela lwengqondo lubhekisela emsebenzini onengqondo wokuhlakanipha. Kuyikhono lokubona izinto ngombono womlingani wakho kodwa ngendlela ehluzekile kuneyemizwa. Ngokwesibonelo, yilapho uqonda isimo sabo sengqondo ngisho nangezikhathi zokungavumelani. Uzwela lokuqonda lubalulekile endleleni enengqondo kodwa enomusa yokungqubuzana kanye iziqephu ezinzima ebudlelwaneni
• Uzwela lweSomatic: Lokhu ukusabela ngokomzimba kokuhlangenwe nakho komlingani wakho. Isibonelo, kulapho uphathwa yikhanda elibuhlungu ngenxa yempilo ebuthaka yentombi yakho. Uzwela lwe-Somatic luwukubonakaliswa kokutshalwa kwezimali komuntu kubhondi kanye nenhlalakahle kazakwethu

Njengoba uzwela oluthinta inhliziyo kanye nozwela lwe-somatic kokubili luqhutshwa imizwelo nemizwa, kukhona ithuba lokuthi umuntu azwelane kakhulu. Wake wambona othandiweyo wakho ekhala, wathi esamduduza wezwa amehlo ecweba izinyembezi? Lo muzwa okhulisiwe wokuzwelana ungakuholela ekubeni umlingani okhungathekile ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni.   

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, njengoba uzwela lwengqondo luqhutshwa ubuhlakani, lubaluleke kakhulu, ake sithi, esimweni sikadokotela onesineke. Nokho, emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni, umuntu onozwela angase angabi naluzwela ngandlela-thile. Lapho umlingani wakho ekudinga ukuthi umlalele futhi udabuke naye, ukunikeza izixazululo ezingokoqobo kungase kungabi impendulo ebucayi kakhulu. Indlela efanele yokukhuthaza ukuzwelana ebudlelwaneni iwukuba nokulinganisela phakathi kwezinhlobo zabo ezahlukene kanye nokubonakaliswa. 

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Yini Edala Ukuntula Uzwelo

Manje njengoba sesithinte incazelo, ukubaluleka, kanye nezinhlobo zozwela, asikho isikhala sokuphikisana ngokuthi kuyisici esibalulekile ekwakheni ubudlelwano obunempilo. Kodwa kungani abantu bengenalo uzwela ngabalingani babo? Futhi kusho ukuthini ukuntuleka kozwela? Ngaphambi kokuba sahlulele umuntu ngokungabi nozwela olwanele ngomlingani wakhe/umlingani wakhe, sidinga ukubheka ukuthi yini ebangela ukuntuleka kozwela. Izifundo eziningi zibonise ukuthi kukhona ukuhlangana okuqondile phakathi kokuzikhukhumeza kanye nokuntuleka kozwela. Ngezansi kunezinye izizathu ezenza umuntu angakhombisi nhlobo uzwela:

• Ukuhlukumezeka kobudlelwano obudlule: Uma othile ehlangabezane nokuntula uzwela esikhathini esidlule, angase angene kumodi yokusinda ebudlelwaneni obuzayo futhi bakhe udonga olumzungezile olumvimbela ekuxhumaneni ngempela nophathina wakhe futhi bavumelane nemizwa nemizwelo yabo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungase kube nzima ngomuntu ukuzwelana nomlingani wakhe
• Ukuntuleka kothando ebuntwaneni: Kungani abantu bengenalo uzwela? Ngoba abakaze bafunde ukuthi kuyini. Uma umuntu engakaze aboniswe uthando ebuntwaneni noma engazange abe nesibonelo sokumlandela esinozwela, kungenzeka ukuthi akakaze afunde ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuzwa imizwelo yomunye noma ukuzwela izidingo zabanye.
• Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo: Izinkinga eziningi zempilo yengqondo ezifana ne-narcissistic personality disorder kanye ne-autism spectrum disorder zenza abantu bangabi nozwelo.
• Ukuzicabangela wena siqu: Abantu abanobugovu ngokweqile ababeki muntu ngaphambi kwabo futhi ngokuvamile abanalo uzwela
• Isimo sengqondo sokwahlulela: Abanye abantu bayahlulela futhi abakwazi ukubona izinto ngombono wabanye, okungabenza bangabi naluzwelo.
• Ukulimala kwengqondo: Izifundo bonisa ukuthi izilonda zobuchopho nokulimala kungase kuholele ekulahlekelweni ikhono lokuzwelana
• Ukucindezeleka nokukhathazeka: Enye cwaningo uveza ukuthi ukucindezeleka ngokweqile kubangela ukukhathazeka, okubangela ukungabi naluzwela kubantu

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Yini Eyenziwa Ukuswela Uzwela Ebudlelwaneni

Kuyini ukungabi naluzwela ebudlelwaneni futhi kubathinta kanjani abashadile? UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Ukuze ubudlelwano busebenze, bobabili abalingani kudingeka bavumelane nomunye. Lokhu kwenzeka kuphela ngoba baye bakhulumisana futhi baqondana kahle kangangokuthi omunye umlingani angakwazi ukufunda omunye njengokungathi ngemuva kwesandla sakhe. Ukuntula uzwela kuphazamisa lokhu kugeleza." Umuntu ongenalo uzwela akake enze umzamo wokuqonda nokufunda umlingani wakhe. Omunye uzakwethu ekugcineni uyayeka ukuxhumana. Kuleso simo, ukungabi naluzwela kwenzani ebuhlotsheni? Nansi eminye imiphumela yokuntula uzwelo:

• Kwenza omunye umlingani angahlonishwa futhi angahlonishwa. Akukho ukwazisa ngabo, futhi konke ngabo kuthathwe kalula
• Uzakwethu ongakwazi ukuzwelana ngeke akwazi ukuqaphela imizamo eyenziwa umlingani wakhe ebuhlotsheni
• Ukuntula uzwela kubangela ukukhungatheka nokucindezeleka kumlingani ekugcineni kokwamukela
• Ukuntula uzwela nakho kwenza ubuhlobo bube nokwehluleka okuqinisekile. Ulindele ukuthi ubuhlobo buyosebenza kanjani uma kungekho nhlonipho, kungekho ukwazisa, futhi kungekho ukukhulumisana okungenasici—konke lokhu kubangelwa uzwela?

9 Izimpawu Zokungabi Nozwelo Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Wake wazibuza ukuthi ungamtshela kanjani uma umlingani wakho engenalo uzwela? Zinike isikhashana ucabange ngobudlelwano bakho obunamandla. Ingabe uzizwa uzinikela kakhulu ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokuthola okuningi ngembuyiselo? Ingabe uzizwa wahlulelwa futhi uqondwa kabi umlingani wakho? Ingabe umlingani wakho uyehluleka ukunikeza induduzo lapho uyidinga kakhulu? Uma kunjalo, ubhekene nezimpawu ezicacile zokuntula uzwela ebuhlotsheni. Ake sibheke ngokujulile lezi zimpawu zezinganekwane:  

1. Imizwa yakho ngokuvamile ayisebenzi 

UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Lokhu kungenye yezimpawu ezisobala kakhulu zokuntuleka kozwelo ebudlelwaneni. Umuntu ongenalo uzwelo uzoyishaya indiva imizwa yomlingani wakhe futhi uzomenza azizwe enganakwa ebudlelwaneni .” Uma umlingani wakho engenalo uzwelo, angagcina ethi:

• “Uzwela kakhulu.” 
• “Ungathathi ngamawala, akulutho lokhu.” 
• “Awukwazi ukwenza ihlaya.”

UDkt. Bhonsle uyanezela, “Ngivumele ngikubeke ngale ndlela—uma umuntu ekhononda ngobuhlungu besifuba, impendulo yokuqala iwukumyisa esibhedlela.Kunokuphuthuma ukuhlola isizathu esibangela ubuhlungu obungokomzimba. Lokhu kusabela kufanele kube inkambo evamile ngobuhlungu obungokomzwelo noma iziyaluyalu. Labo abangenalo uzwela abakakulungeli ukubheka imizwa yabanye.

Ngokuzayo lapho uzwakalisa ukukhathazeka kwakho ngokungabaza, bheka ukuthi umlingani wakho uphendula kanjani. Ingabe bahileleke futhi banesithakazelo sokuthola ukuthi kungani uzizwa ngendlela ozizwa ngayo? Noma ingabe bayahlehla futhi babone ingxoxo ingabalulekile? Uzoba nempendulo yakho yokuthi ungasho kanjani uma umlingani wakho engenalo uzwela.

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2. Uhlale ugxekwa 

Nanka amanye amabhomu eqiniso ngalabo abangenalo uzwela:

• Banobunzima bokuqonda umbono wabanye
• Bayashesha ukwahlulela nokugxeka kabuhlungu
• Abakwazi ukubekezela futhi ukuxolelana ebudlelwaneni akuyona amandla abo
• Isimo sabo sengqondo siyabaqeda amandla labo ababazungezile

UCathy, oneminyaka engu-40 wasebhange waseWashington obedonsa kanzima ebudlelwaneni bakhe uyazibuza ukuthi yingoba umlingani wakhe akanalo uzwelo nozwelo. Wasibhalela wathi, “Ngelinye ilanga ngabuyela ekhaya ngemva kosuku olude emsebenzini ngazenzela inkomishi yekhofi, ngikhathele ngikhathele ngahlala kusofa ngachitha ikhofi ngephutha ngisaqhuba, umngane wami wavele wangithethisa ngokunganaki kwami ​​ngaphandle kokuzwakalisa ukukhathala kwami. Ukugxeka okunjalo okunonya kungenye yezimpawu zokuntula uzwela okukhulu.

3. Uphathina wakho akavuleleki emqondweni

Umuntu ongenalo uzwela kungenzeka futhi abe nomqondo oseduze futhi abe nenkani ngemibono yakhe. Nakhu okumele ukuqaphele:

• Kukhona ukulungiselelwa okuzenzakalelayo ekhanda labo okubenza bacabange ukuthi balungile ngaso sonke isikhathi 
• Bakholelwa ngobuqotho ekubeni yiqiniso kwemibono nezinqumo zabo
• Bangase bangaguquguquki ezindleleni zabo. Umbono wakho ungase uqashelwe, kodwa owabo uzoza kuqala
• Banelungelo futhi bajwayele ukwenza izinto ngendlela yabo
• Bakhombisa ukungafuni ukuyekethisa emshadweni noma ubudlelwano

UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza: “Lapho abantu bengenangqondo evulekile, kungase kube nezizathu ezimbili: ukukhulela lapho wakhulela khona ngaphandle kozwela, noma ukukhuliswa lapho ukhoseliswe khona ngokweqile.” Noma ibuphi ubuntwana obukunoma yikuphi kwalezi zimo ezimbili ezeqisayo bungenza abantu bangabi naluzwela. manje sebengabantu abadala abangasebenzi kahle abanenkinga yobudlelwano.”

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4. Bakwedelela ngamabomu

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ukwenza izinqumo ngamabomu ezilimaza abalingani babo noma ezihluke ngokuphelele ezimisweni nasezinkolelweni zabo kuwuphawu lomuntu ongenalo uzwela. Kuyinto yamabomu impela futhi isisusa siwukucasula omunye umuntu. Kunomqondo othile wobubi obangela lezi zenzo, futhi unenkinga eseduze edinga ukunakekelwa okuphuthumayo.”

Lokhu ukuntuleka kozwelo okusho ukuthi KUMELE wazi. Umlingani wakho uzokucasula ngamabomu ngezinto ezingabalulekile. Isibonelo, uma ungumuntu onesizotha okholelwa ekubongeni abantu ngomsebenzi abawenzayo, uzothola umlingani wakho enza okuphambene nalokho. Cabanga ukuthi usesitolo sokudlela, lapho umlingani wakho ethuka khona isikhonzi ngamabomu noma emshaya ngeminwe. Lokhu kuziphatha kuwukuhlambalaza izindinganiso zakho nezintandokazi zakho. Izimo ezinjalo zibonisa ukuntuleka kozwelo ebudlelwaneni futhi ziwukubonakaliswa kobutha obuvela kumlingani wakho. Naka lezi zimpawu eziyisixwayiso zobuthi.

5. Umlingani wakho uvame ukushaya izinto ngendlela engafani

Abantu abangenalo uzwela bavame ukuba nokusabela okungavamile ezimweni "okungaphezu kwamandla". Uma kunokuntuleka kozwela ebudlelwaneni, impendulo ayilingani nesenzakalo esenzekile. Lesi sibonakaliso siyihlumela lokugxeka nokungahloniphi. Enhliziyweni yabo, ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo nobungenampilo nabo abunalo uzwela.

Abantu abanobuthi basabela ngokweqile lapho bebhekene nokuphazamiseka, kodwa balulaza izinkinga zophathina babo. Cabanga emuva ngempi yokugcina owawunayo. Uyakhumbula utshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ehlise umoya? Ingabe uzizwe besabela ngokweqile ngenkathi uzama ukubona umbono wabo noma kunjalo? Uma kunjalo, kuyacaca ukuthi uzama ukugcina ubuhlobo lapho umlingani wakho engenalo uzwela, futhi gosh, kufanele ukhathele.

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6. Kukhona ukuntula ukwazisa

Awukwazi ukwakha ubudlelwano obuhle ngaphandle kokubonga ngalokho umlingani wakho akulethelayo. Ukuntuleka kokwazisa kuzoholela ezingxabanweni nasekulweni njalo. Uma kungekho uzwela ebudlelwaneni, abantu abaqapheli imizamo kanye nokuzidela komunye nomunye.

Konke kumayelana nelungelo lozakwethu ongenazwelo. Umfundi waseTexas, u-Alice, umgcini-mabhuku oneminyaka engu-32 ubudala, wasibhalela ngomngane wakhe owayengenaluzwela, wathi: “Ngangizwa ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle okwesikhashana kodwa ngingazi ukuthi ngingayivala kanjani. izingxoxo eziningi, salunqoba udaba futhi manje sesineminyaka engu-7 sisebudlelwaneni bethu.”

7. Usolwa ngezinkinga zakho

Abesilisa noma abesifazane abangenalo uzwela bavame ukucabanga ukuthi izinkinga zenzeka ngoba abantu 'bazifanele'. Umzala wami, uRyan, ukholelwa ngokuqinile ukuthi abantu bazibizela izinkinga. Futhi ucabanga ukuthi ubengazisingatha kangcono lezo zinkinga. Ukukholelwa ekhonweni lomuntu kuhle kakhulu, kodwa lokhu kuwukwelula okuqinisekile. Uma umuntu esebenza ngalo mbono, ugcina esenokhahlo futhi egxeka abanye ngezikhathi zosizi. Nansi indlela lesi simo sengqondo esihumusha ngayo ekuntulekeni kwezimpawu zozwelo ebudlelwaneni:

• Uma kwenzeka uye kumlingani wakho unenkinga, umbuzo wabo wokuqala cishe uqala ngokuthi, "Kungani - ?" Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi bavele bacabange ukuthi iphutha ngelakho
• Ifoni yakho iyaphahlazeka, futhi bayakubuza, "Kungani ungathuthukelanga kumodeli yakamuva ngenkathi ngikucela?" 
• Osebenza naye uyakucasula futhi bathi, "Kungani umvumele ukuthi angene ngaphakathi kwekhanda lakho?" 
• Kukhona ithoni engezansi yokuthi “ngikutshelile” empendulweni ngayinye

8. Kukhona ukuntuleka kokuziphendulela 

Ukuziphendulela kuyinto ebalulekile ekuxazululeni izingxabano kanye nokukhulumisana okunempilo nokuvulekile ebudlelwaneni. Akunakwenzeka ukuphila impilo ejabulisayo lapho umlingani wakho ephika njalo amaphutha akhe. Abagcini nje ngokwenqaba ukuxolisa, kodwa futhi bachitha isisekelo sesikhalazo sakho. Isiqubulo sabo sithi: lokho onomuzwa wokuthi akuhlangene nami.

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Abukho ubungako bokusebenza ebuhlotsheni ngaphandle kokuba umuntu athwale umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zakhe. Kufanele baqonde ukuthi izinqumo zabo zithinta abanye abaseduze. 

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9. Umlingani wakho akatholakali ngokomzwelo

Khumbula umqondo wozwela oluthinta inhliziyo. Yikhono lomuntu lokufunda imizwa yabanye nokuphendula ngendlela efanele. Labo abangenalo uzwela abazona izinsika ezinhle zokusekela ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni . Nasi isizathu:

• Abaqondi ukuthi umuntu uzizwa emuhle noma omubi kangakanani. Bangase benze iphutha lokudabuka njengentukuthelo
• Izimpendulo zabo azifanele neze. Ngokwesibonelo, labo abangenaluzwela baqhulula amahlaya ngesikhathi esingafanele
• Phakathi nezikhathi ezinzima ekuphileni kwakho, bangase bahluleke ukukunikeza induduzo noma induduzo

Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokubhekana Nomaqondana Ongenalo Uzwelo

Manje njengoba wazi konke ngokuntuleka kwezimpawu zozwela, ake sithole ukuthi singabhekana kanjani nakho. Lokhu kuwuvivinyo lweqiniso lokubekezela ngoba akukho sixazululo esisheshayo kulolu daba. Uma ufuna ukusindisa ubudlelwano lapho umlingani engenalo uzwela, kufanele ulungele ukufaka umsebenzi. 

UDkt. Bhonsle uyachaza, “Kudinga ukusebenza kanzima ukuze ulondoloze ubuhlobo obuntula uzwela. Kodwa ngomzamo ongaguquguquki, ungakwazi ukufundisa uzwela kumuntu ngamunye. Izinqubo ezisezingeni eliphezulu yilezi: ukulalela kangcono, ukucabanga ngaphambi kokuphendula, ukubekezelela imibono emisha nezindlela, njll. Ezingeni elijulile, futhi kuthatha isikhathi esincane, ukucabanga komuntu ngamunye kusetshenzwa ngokuxazulula izinkinga ezidlule.” Nazi izindlela eziyi-11 zokubhekana nokuntula uzwelo ebudlelwaneni.

1. Khuluma nomlingani wakho

Imvamisa, abantu bayayeka ukuzama ukulungisa izinto nozakwethu onozwela. Bamane bavumelane ngendlela izinto eziyiyo futhi bazithole bevaleleke emishadweni engasebenzi noma ebudlelwaneni iminyaka, omunye umlingani ebeka engcupheni izidingo nezifiso zabo esikhundleni sokudlulisa imizwa yabo ngokuhluzekile nangokugomela. Ukuze uphule le phethini, udinga ukufunda ukuthi ungaxhumana kanjani ngempumelelo nomlingani wakho.

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Kuzodingeka nixoxisane ngokobuzwe. Uma ukwenza lokhu ngendlela eqhutshwa imizwa, umlingani wakho uzophinde akuxoshe. Ungabi namadlingozi endleleni yakho yokukhuluma. Uma ungeke umenze abone umthelela wokuntula uzwela, gcizelela kubo imiphumela yezenzo zabo. Umlingani wakho angase angaboni ukuthi kungani ukungabi naluzwela kuyimbangela yobuhlobo bakho kodwa kungase kuholele ekuqondeni lokho kuziphatha kwenu.”

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2. Ungazibeki icala

Kulula ukuqala ukuthola amaphutha kuwe kanye nezenzo zakho lapho umlingani wakho ekugxeka futhi ekugxeka. Kodwa-ke, kufanele wenze umzamo oqondile wokuwela kulolu gibe. Ukuntuleka kozwela kubonisani ngomlingani wakho kanye nobuhlobo bakho? Qaphela. Kuzokusiza ukuthi ubambe izintambo futhi ungaziphendukeli. Imithwalo yemizwa yomlingani noma yomlingani akuyona into okufanele uyisolwe.

Ukugcina ukulingana kwakho ngokomzwelo kubaluleke kakhulu esimweni esinjalo. Uma wehluleka ukulondoloza impilo yakho engokomzwelo/yengqondo, izimo zizoqala ukukuqeda ukuzethemba kwakho. Ukuba sebudlelwaneni nomlingani ongenalo uzwelo akuyona into elula. Ukuthathwa kalula, ukupha njalo, ukuphila nemizamo yakho ngaphandle kokuqashelwa futhi engaziswa—ubuhlobo obungenalo uzwela oluyisisekelo bungakukhungathekisa phakade. Zinike udumo esikhundleni sokugxeka izenzo zakho.

3. Ukulwa nokuntula uzwela ebudlelwaneni nozwelo

Udokotela ohlinzayo wenhliziyo waseTurkey-American, usopolitiki, nomsakazi we-TV uMehmet Oz wake wathi, “Okuphambene nentukuthelo akukhona ukuzola, uzwela.” Ngezikhathi zokucasuka, zama ukuqonda ukuthi umlingani wakho ungumkhiqizo wokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe. Indlela yabo yokungabi naluzwela iwumphumela oqondile walokho abaye babhekana nakho ekuphileni. Nakuba lokhu kungabaniki imvume yokungaziphathi kahle noma ukungacabangeli, kuyincazelo yokuziphatha kwabo. Uma usuqondisile ukuthi yini ebangela ukuntula uzwela, uyozimisela ngokwengeziwe ukusekela imizamo yabo njengoba bengasafundi.

4. Ungalokothi uzithathele izinto mathupha

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokuzinakekela wena ukungathathi lutho oluqondene nawe noma olungalungile uma uthola izimpawu zokuthi umlingani wakho akanalo uzwela. Izenzo noma inkulumo yakhe ayibonisi ukwehluleka kwakho. Cacisa kakhulu ngalokhu: ngomzuzu oqala ngawo ukuvumela amazwi akhe amabi athinte impilo yakho, uzobhekana nobunzima obungokomzwelo. Uzoqala ukukholelwa ukuthi udinga ukuzilungisa. Akekho okufanele ashintshe izici eziyisisekelo zobuntu bakhe ngenxa yokuntuleka kozwela ebudlelwaneni.

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5. Funa usizo lochwepheshe ukuze ulondoloze ubuhlobo lapho umlingani wakho engenalo uzwela

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ukwelulekwa ngobudlelwano kusiza imibhangqwana ukuthi ibhekane nokuntula uzwela ebuhlotsheni babo.Ungaphendula imibuzo eminingi lapho, njengokuthi: Kungani abantu bengenalo uzwela? Kungenzeka yini ukusindisa ubuhlobo lapho umlingani engenalo uzwela? Ukuntula uzwela kubonisani? Ingabe labo abangenalo uzwela baphila esimweni sokucasuka? Ingabe bakhuliswe endaweni abazalelwa kuyo benomoya omnene, babenobungane? kuze kube sezingeni lokonakala ukuxhumana phakathi kwabalingani kungahamba kahle uma kukhona uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo.”

Uma unenkinga yokuxazulula ubudlelwano obungenalo uzwela, ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kungakusiza ukuthi uqine. Ukuze wazi kabanzi, xhumana nabeluleki abanelayisensi kanye nososayensi bezengqondo kuphaneli yeBonobology.

6. Beka imingcele

Uma usebudlelwaneni nomuntu ongenalo uzwela, lungiselela ukuzibeka phambili. Lokhu kusebenza ezimweni lapho uke wabona khona izimpawu zokuntuleka kozwela futhi ubhekene nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, noma ngokwengqondo. Dweba futhi usebenzise imingcele yobudlelwano ngokushesha ukuze uvikele inhlalakahle yakho. Uma ucabanga ukuthi ukuntuleka kozwela komlingani wakho kusongela ngqo ukuphepha kwakho, cabanga ngokuhamba ebuhlotsheni. Khumbula, bobabili abantu kufanele bazimisele ukusindisa ubuhlobo lapho umlingani engenalo uzwela.

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7. Zijwayeze ukulalela ngokucophelela

Ukuntula uzwela kungase kubangelwa izizathu ezihlukahlukene. Ukuze uthole ukuthi yini ngempela ebangela lokho, udinga ukuzijwayeza ukulalela kangcono. Nansi indlela yokwenza:

• Lalela ukuze wazi izizathu zokuntula kwabo uzwela
• Naka izimpawu ezingakhulumi. Ungaqonda ukuthi abantu bazizwa kanjani ngawe ngendlela abakhuluma ngayo nabaziphatha ngayo

8. Yiba sengozini

Ukuze uthuthukise i-quotient enozwela ebuhlotsheni bakho, udinga ukuvula imizwa. Ungesabi ukuba sengozini nomlingani wakho. Vumela ukuqapha kwakho (yebo, kungaba nzima uma umlingani wakho esetshenziselwa ukwenza imizwelo yakho ingasebenzi, kodwa zama), futhi ubenze babone uhlangothi lwakho oluluhlaza. 

Ungasebenzisa imizwa yakho ukuze uqondise ubudlelwano bakho endleleni efanele. Isibonelo, uDebbie, uthisha waseTexas oneminyaka engu-35 ubudala, wasibhalela: “Ngesonto eledlule, ngaphikisana nomlingani wami ngemuva kokuba ekhohliwe ukungithumelela iphasela elibalulekile. Esikhundleni sokuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo, wangithethisa ngokuphendula ngokweqile wabe eseqhubeka nokungadli ukuze aveze intukuthelo yakhe. Umqondo wami wokuqala kwakuwukuphendula ngendlela efanayo nokumnika ukuthula.

“Kodwa-ke nganquma ukubona ukuthi kuzokwenzekani uma ngingamzibi noma ngibonise ukuthi ngisacasukile, ngambuza ukuthi angathanda yini isidlo sakusihlwa, wancibilika, wangitshela ukuthi wayecindezelekile ngomsebenzi futhi wayesekhohliwe ngokuphelele. Njengoba ubona, udinga ukukhombisa imizwa yakho ukuze nayo ivuleke.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokulawula Intukuthelo Ebudlelwaneni - Izindlela Eziyi-12 Zokulawula Intukuthelo

9. Qaphela umlingani wakho

Uzofunda okuningi ngomlingani wakho uma nje uthatha isinqumo sokumbheka. Uma umlingani wakho ebonise ukuntula izimpawu zozwelo, nakisisa ukuziphatha kwakhe ngesikhathi nangemva kwesenzo bese uzibuza:

• Yini oyifundile ngokubheka imisebenzi yabo ngemuva kwesinqumo?
• Ingabe baphoqeleka ukuba benze isinqumo ngenxa yezinkinga ezithile zomuntu siqu?
• Wena wawungenzenjani esimweni esifanayo?

Lokhu kuzokunikeza ukuqonda okuningi ngembangela ewumsuka yokuntula uzwela futhi kungase kukusize uzulazule ezimweni ezifanayo kangcono ngokuzayo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, lapho uxoxa nabo ngalolu daba, uzobe ukuhlomele kangcono ukunikeza izibonelo ezibambekayo zokuthi inkinga ilele kuphi. 

10. Siza umlingani wakho akhiqize uzwela

Siza umlingani wakho athuthukise ikhono lokuzwelana. Ungagcini nje ngokwenza izenzo zabo ebudlelwaneni. Ngisho noma umlingani wakho ehlulela abanye, hlala phansi nikhulume. Xoxani ngokuthi kungani nicabanga ukuthi akufanele bahlulele abanye. Ngale ndlela, bazokwazi ukuzwelana nawe lapho besezimeni ezinzima nawe. Nasi isibonelo esisodwa:

Intombi yakho ithukuthele ngenkathi ifunda izindaba zomlingisi ohlukanisa nomkakhe beshade iminyaka eyi-10 ngemuva kokuba nobudlelwano obungajwayelekile nomlingisi osebenza naye. Uqala ukugxeka lo mlingisi kanye nesinqumo sakhe. Ukhuluma, uthi kungenzeka ukuthi wayenezizathu zakhe, futhi akazi ukuthi umshado wabo wawunobuthi yini.

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11. Bacele ukuthi basize

Lapho umuntu ngokwemvelo engenalo uzwela, angase angazi ukuthi kufanele asabele kanjani noma angene, ezimweni ezithile. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungase kudingeke ukhulume kakhulu ngezidingo zakho. Kuhle impela ukubacela ukuthi bakusize ngento obhekene nayo noma bakutshele indlebe noma ihlombe. Uma umlingani wakho enza umzamo wokuhlangabezana nezidingo zakho, kuwuphawu olukhuthazayo lokuthi benza umzamo wokuba ngcono. 

Imicabango Final

Lapha sifika esiphethweni salo mhlahlandlela ophelele wokuntuleka kozwelo ebudlelwaneni. Siyaqiniseka ukuthi manje usuzazi izimpendulo zombuzo othi, “Kuyini ukuntula uzwela?”, futhi ukuhlonyiselwe ukubhekana ngqo nezinselele ezihlobene nalolu daba. Khumbula ukuthi ungahluleli umuntu ongakwazi ukubonisa uzwela. Lokho kungakwenza ungabi naluzwelo nawe. Kunalokho, funda ukubona ukuntuleka kwezimpawu zozwela bese uzama ukuthola izizathu ezibangela lokho. Ukulwisana nokuntula uzwela ngendlela yozwela kuwukubheja kwakho okuhle kakhulu ekusindiseni ubudlelwano futhi usebenzela isibopho esinempilo, esihle kakhulu. 

Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokunganakwa Kwemizwa Emshadweni

Izinkinga Eziyisi-6 Zobudlelwano Iminyaka Eyinkulungwane Iletha Okuningi Ekwelapheni

Izimpikiswano Eziyi-11 Zobudlelwano Ezisho Ukubhujiswa Kwebhondi Yakho

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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