Indlela Yokuqeda Ubudlelwano Ngemibandela Emihle

Ungabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano obuhle? Lona umbuzo ovame ukunikeza abantu ukungalali ebusuku njengoba bemi esicongweni sokuhlukana. Ngaphandle kwalapho ubudlelwano buye babunobuthi obujulile, buhlukumeza, noma bungenampilo, lona umbuzo odinga ukudingidwa okuthile kumuntu odonsa ipulaki. Phela, ukuphela kobudlelwane kungaba iphilisi elibabayo lokugwinya futhi kubangele inqubo yosizi olunzima.

Ukusingatha ingxoxo yokwehlukana ngendlela ezwelayo akukwazi nje ukufiphaza igalelo ngokwezinga elithile kodwa futhi kukwenze kube nokwenzeka ukugcina izinto zinobungane ne-ex yakho ozoba maduze. Ngakho-ke, ungabuqeda kanjani ubuhlobo obuhle? Nokho, isinyathelo sokuqala iwukuba izikebhe inkulumo yakho break-up ngokucophelela futhi asingathe isimo nge smattering ophanayo ukubekezela nobubele. Ngakho-ke yebo, ukuhlukana okunokuthula kuthatha umzamo owengeziwe kunokudubula umlayezo onesizotha ukuze kuqedwe ubuhlobo, kodwa ohlangothini olukhanyayo, futhi kusiza ukugwema idrama eminingi.

Kodwa-ke, ukulinganisela phakathi kokuhlukana ngemibango emihle ukuze izinto zingabi zimbi kakhulu kangangokuthi ningabe nisakwazi ukuba sempilweni yomunye nomunye nokuqinisekisa ukuthi uzwela lwakho aluvuli amasango esimeni esiyinkimbinkimbi sokuhlukana futhi kungaba yintambo eqinile yokuhamba. Ukuze sikusize uqondise le nqubo, sikulethela izeluleko zokuhlukana, ngokubonisana nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u- Anita Eliza (M.Sc ku-Applied Psychology), ogxile ezindabeni ezifana nokukhathazeka, ukucindezeleka, ubudlelwano, kanye nokuzethemba. Amathiphu akhe okuhlukana kanye nesiqondiso kuzokusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi ungaqeda kanjani ubuhlobo ngendlela enomusa.

7 Izizathu Ezisebenzayo Zokuqeda Ubudlelwano

Ngaphambi kokuthi sifike endleleni yokuhlukana ngokuphelele nomlingani ngaphandle kokushintsha indlela yokuphila, kumele sibhekane nenye inkinga ebalulekile: indlela yokwazi ukuthi uzohlukana nini nothile. Kungenzeka ukuthi ubucabanga ngokuhlukana, kodwa ngaphambi kokuba wenze ngokuvumelana naleyo micabango, kubalulekile ukuthi uqiniseke ngokuphelele ukuthi yilokho okufunayo ukuze ungagcini uzisola ngesinqumo sakho noma ubuyela emuva phakathi kokuhlukana nokubuyelana.

Uma imicabango efana nokuthi, "Isoka lami liphelele, kodwa ngifuna ukuhlukana" noma "Ngifuna ukuhlukana nentombi yami kodwa ngiyayithanda" ivala ingqondo yakho, ukubheka izizathu ezizwakalayo ezilandelayo zokuqeda ubuhlobo kungase kukusize uthole umbono:

1. Ubudlelwano bungena endleleni yempumelelo nokukhula kwakho

U-Brie wayejabulela uthando lwakhe olusafufusa nomfana ayehlangane naye ejimini ngesikhathi ethola iphromoshini eyayilindelwe ngabomvu emsebenzini. Izidingo zendima yakhe entsha zazidinga ukuzibophezela okukhulu namandla, izinsuku zokusebenza zamahora ayishumi kanye nokuphuma njalo edolobheni ukuya emihlanganweni. Isimiso sakhe esimatasa saba ithambo eliqhubekayo lengxabano ebudlelwaneni, futhi uBrie wacabanga ukuthi kungcono ukuqeda izinto nesoka lakhe njengoba konke kwakusekusha futhi kungekho muntu otshalwe kakhulu ngokomzwelo okwamanje.

Uma uzithola usesimweni esifanayo lapho ubuhlobo noma umlingani wakho ekuphazamisa khona impumelelo nokukhula kwakho noma uzizwa unecala ngokubeka imigomo nezidingo zakho phambili kunabo, kungaba ngcono ukuhlukana. Ikakhulukazi uma kungubudlelwano obusha. Nakuba sonke sithanda ukuba nomuntu ozobuya naye ekhaya, kungase kungabi yinto engalungile ukugcina umlingani wakho elele noma emncisha ithuba lapho ingqondo yakho imatasa kwenye indawo.

2. Ukuntula ukwaneliseka ngokomzwelo

Ungase uhlukane, uhluke kakhulu endleleni obuka ngayo umhlaba, noma ungase ube nezinye izinto eziza kuqala ezikuvimbela ukuthi unikeze ubudlelwano bakho nge-100%. Noma yiziphi zalezi zinto zingaphazamisa ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo ozizwayo nomlingani wakho. Uma ubuhlobo bungaduduzi ngokomzwelo, sekuyisikhathi sokucabanga kabusha ukuthi bufanelekile yini. Uma ukwangana okufudumele, ukwanga, nokumamatheka kungekho noma kungavusi umuzwa ofanayo nowangaphambili, kuyisizathu esizwakalayo sokuqeda ubuhlobo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Ezingama-21 Okufanele Uzenze Nokungafanele Uzenze Lapho Uhlukana Nentombi Yakho

3. Ukuphathwa njengokucatshangelwa kamuva

“Akufanele neze waneliseke ngokuphathwa njengento ecatshangelwe kamuva ebudlelwaneni. Ubuhlobo obuseduze budinga umzamo oqhubekayo kubo bobabili abalingani ukuze buchume. Uma umlingani wakho engazami ngenkuthalo ukukudalela isikhala enhliziyweni yakhe, engqondweni yakhe, nasempilweni yakhe, kuwuphawu olubomvu lobuhlobo oludinga ukunakwa kwakho,” kuchaza u-Eliza.

Uma belokhu bevika izingcingo zakho futhi bekhohlwa izinsuku ezibalulekile, kungenzeka ukuthi abakubeki kuqala. Akusizi ukuhlalela ethembeni lokuthi bazoshintsha izindlela zabo. Indlela engcono kakhulu wukubheka ukuthi ungabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano obungayi ndawo futhi buqede ukulahlekelwa komuntu.

4. Ukuhlukumeza nokukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni

Iseluleko esibaluleke kakhulu sokuqeda ubuhlobo esinaso kuwe ukuthi ungalokothi ubekezelele ubuthi, ukuhlukunyezwa nganoma yiluphi uhlobo, noma ukuxhashazwa ngothando ebudlelwaneni. Izimpawu ezibomvu zomlingani ohlukumezayo/onetyhefu/okhohlisayo zingafaka:

• Ukukwehlisa isithunzi
• Ukwenza imizwa yakho ingasebenzi
• ukukhanya kwegesi
• Ukuzihlukanisa nabantu obathandayo
• Ukuhamba ngecala
• Ukudlala imidlalo yengqondo ukukulawula
• Ukusebenzisa izinsongo ukwenza ngendlela yazo
• Ukubonisa umona ongenampilo

Lolu akulona uhlu oluphelele njengoba izinhlobonhlobo zokuziphatha kobudlelwane okungenampilo zingaba zibanzi. Kodwa-ke, uma ithumbu lakho likutshela ukuthi awuphathwa kahle, futhi umlingani wakho ekwenza uzizwe ukhathazekile, ucindezelwe, futhi ukhungathekile kunokuba uphephe, ulondekile, futhi uthandwe, udinga ukuthola ukuthi ungaphuma kanjani ebuhlotsheni obubeka impilo yakho yengqondo nempilo yomzimba engcupheni. Ungakhathazeki ngokushiya ubudlelwano ngenhlonipho, kulesi simo; udinga ukubeka phambili ukuzigcina ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye.

5. Izinkinga zokuthembela

Izinkinga zokuthembana zingaba yisizathu esizwakalayo sokuqeda ubuhlobo nomuntu omthandayo. Uma umlingani wakho engumqambimanga ophoqayo, ebonisa izimpawu zokungathembeki , ekhohlise noma ekhaphele ukuthembana kwakho esikhathini esidlule, noma eqhubeka nokuziphatha okukwenza ungazethembi, sekuyisikhathi sokuhlola ukuthi nifanelene yini. Kungase kube yisikhathi sokuhlola kabusha ukuthi zinhle kangakanani kuwe.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungase kube nzima ngokulinganayo ukwakha ubudlelwano obuhle, obunempilo uma umlingani wakho elwa nezinkinga zokwethembana, ezimenza asole wena futhi uhlale uzithola ubonisa kubo ukuthi uyakopela noma unyonyoba ngemuva kwakhe. Iseluleko sethu kuwe sokwehlukana kungaba ukuklebhula le bandaid ngokushesha kunokuba kamuva.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinkinga Zokwethembana - Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zokuthi Ukuthola Kunzima Ukuthemba Noma Ubani

6. Abafuni ukuyekethisa

U-Eliza uthi, “Ukuyekethisa kuyingxenye ebalulekile yobudlelwano obuhle uma nje bebambisene. Kodwa uma umlingani oyedwa kuphela eqhubeka nokuyekethisa kanti omunye ephikelela ukuthi kwenziwe ngendlela yakhe, ubuhlobo bungaba yinto ekhathazayo futhi ekhungathekisayo. Yiqiniso, ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana akusona ukuphela kwesisombululo sale nkinga.

“Uma kuwubudlelwano besikhathi eside futhi bobabili abalingani betshalwe imali komunye nomunye nekusasa labo ndawonye, ​​bangalungisa izinto ngokukhulumisana okungcono nomzamo ongaguquki. Nokho, uma naphezu kokusho izidingo zakho noma ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ukuntula kwabo ukuguquguquka kuthinta kabi ubuhlobo bakho nabo, benqaba ukulungisa, kungase kube isithakazelo sakho esingcono kakhulu ukuhamba.”

7. Ukuwa othandweni

Uma uchitha isikhathi esiningi uzibuza, “Ingabe imizwa elahlekile ingabuya?” noma “Ungamtshela kanjani umuntu ukuthi ulahlekelwe imizwa ngaye?”, mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuvuma ukuthi awusathandani nomlingani wakho futhi udinga ukuqhubeka. Akuvamile ukuthi abantu bathandane nabalingani babo - noma bathandane nomunye umuntu. Eqinisweni, kungesinye sezizathu ezivame kakhulu ukuphela kobudlelwano. Ngakho-ke, uma uzithola ukule mpambano-mgwaqo, ungalubeki isikhathi eside ubuhlungu bakho nobomlingani wakho. Ucabanga ngokuhlukana, ungase futhi ube nengxoxo futhi udlule kukho.

Ungabuqeda Kanjani Ubudlelwano Ngemibandela Emihle?

Manje njengoba sesizibekele izizathu zokuqeda ubudlelwano, ake sifinyelele embuzweni wokuthi singabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano ngokuvumelana. Ukuze sibe qotho kuwe ngesihluku, awekho inani lamathiphu namasu azokwenza ukushiya ubudlelwano kube lula noma kungabi nabuhlungu kunoma ubani. Kungakho, abantu abaningi bezibuza, “Kungenzeka yini ukunqamula ubudlelwano obuhle?”

Kuyavunywa, ukuphela kobudlelwane ngokungagwemeki kuletha ubuhlungu nobuhlungu ngenxa yako. Kodwa-ke, ngokubeka umcabango wokuthi ungakudlulisela kanjani lokhu kumlingani wakho futhi ufune izindlela ezinhle zokuveza imizwa yakho - noma ukuntula kwayo - ungenza inqubo ibe lula kini nobabili. Futhi mhlawumbe, thola nendlela yokuhlala ningabangane uma nobabili nicubungule ukuhlukumezeka nobuhlungu.

Nakuba ungeke ukwazi ukulawula ukusabela komlingani wakho esinqumweni sakho sokuqeda izinto naye, ungenza umzamo wokuhlukana ngezivumelwano ezinhle. Ngokubanzi, lokhu kuhilela ukukhuluma uzwela, nokugwema ukuziphatha okufana nokusola , ukubiza amagama, ukuklabalasa, ukusola, noma ukusho izinto ezibuhlungu. Njengoba ungase uzithole ulwa nozwela futhi uzwela kungase kungabi lula uma usebenzelana nomuntu ozenzo zakhe kungenzeka ukuthi zinegalelo esinqumweni sakho sokuhlukana, nanka amathiphu ayi-10 angasetshenziswa ekuqedeni ubudlelwano ngezivumelwano ezinhle:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungahlukana Kanjani Nomfana Kahle?

1. Ukuze uqede ubuhlobo obuhle, kwenze mathupha

Ungahlukana kanjani ngokuthula? Ungaqeda kanjani ubudlelwano ngaphandle kokulimaza omunye umuntu? Uma kukhona iseluleko esisodwa sokuqeda ubudlelwano sokwenza lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kube nzima, ukuthi kufanele ukwenze mathupha. Akekho ofuna ukuthi kuthunyelwe incwadi yokufa ebhokisini lakhe lokungenayo noma ebhokisini leposi. Akunandaba ukuthi ufika nomyalezo onesizotha kakhulu wokuqeda ubudlelwano, ukuhlukana ngombhalo akunabo ubuntu futhi akunanhlonipho.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uqeda ubudlelwano bebanga elide nomuntu omthandayo noma udonsa ipulaki ebudlelwaneni obusha obungazizwa bulungile, kufanele uhlangane nomuntu wakho mathupha, umbheke emehlweni, futhi umazise ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana. U-Eliza uthi, “Ukuxoxa ubuso nobuso njalo kuyindlela evuthiwe yokwazisa othile ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana naye.

Ukuntuleka kokusondelana ezingxoxweni eziku-inthanethi kuvumela abantu ukuthi bavale imizwa yabo esikhundleni sokukhuluma izinto ngokwethembeka. Kungakho abantu abaningi baphendukela ku-ghosting endaweni yokuphola online. Uma ufuna ukuhlala ungabangane no-ex wakho, ube nobudlelwano obuhle nabo, noma okungenani, ungafuni ukuthi bakuzonde, kufanele ubanikeze ukuvala abakudingayo ukuze balulame futhi baqhubeke.

2. Gwema izindawo zomphakathi

Ukwazi ukuthi kufanele kube nini futhi kuphi 'inkulumo' kubaluleke kakhulu njengokwazi ukuthi uzothini engxoxweni yokuhlukana uma kungenjalo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uqeda ubuhlobo nomuntu omthandayo noma othile osakuthanda nakuba ungase ungazizwa ngendlela efanayo ngaye, nakanjani imizwa izophakama kakhulu ngalesi sikhathi.

Kuthiwani uma umlingani wakho ephambuka bese niqala impikiswano enkulu ? Kuthiwani uma eqala ukukhala ngokungaduduzeki? Noma esho izinto ezibuhlungu ngentukuthelo? Yingakho nje udinga isikhala lapho nobabili ningaziveza khona ngaphandle kokuzibamba noma nizizwe nizesaba ngokubuka okungaqondakali kwababukeli.

U-Eliza uyeluleka, “Gwema ukuhlukana nomuntu phambi kwabantu ngoba kungase kumphoxe noma kumenze azizwe evalelwe. Indawo yangasese ifaneleka kakhulu engxoxweni enjalo. Kungaba ngcono uma ukwenza endaweni yabo, ukuze uhambe lapho uzwa isidingo, noma endaweni engathathi hlangothi, njengehora lomngane.”

3. Hlela inkulumo yenu yokuhlukana

Ingabe ufuna ukuqeda izinto ngokuvumelana? Ngemva kwalokho kufanele uhlele lokho ofuna ukukusho kubo. Ingxoxo yokuhlukana akufanele ifane nesethulo somsebenzi futhi akudingekile ukuthi ufunde ohlwini olukhethiwe. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, awukwazi ukusho nje ukuthi awukho futhi uqedile ngakho. Ukucaca kubalulekile.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, lapho imizwa iphakama futhi umlingani wakho ekunxusa ukuba umnike elinye ithuba, kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa ukhungathekile futhi ungakwazi ukuchaza ngokucacile ukuthi kungani ufinyelele esinqumweni sokuqeda ubuhlobo. Ukulungiselela nokuhlela okuncane kuyasiza ngezikhathi ezinjengalezi. Yenza uhlu lwengqondo lwezimo, izenzakalo, nemicabango ofuna ukuyiveza phakathi nengxoxo.

U-Eliza uthi, “Indlela okhuluma ngayo ngesikhathi sokuhlukana yinto ebaluleke kakhulu elawula umphumela wako. Kungcono ukutshela umlingani wakho izinto ezingazange zikusebenzele noma ezikukhathazile kunokuba umsole ngendlela ozizwa ngayo.” Ukwazi ukuthi yini ehambe kabi kuzokusiza nobabili ukuqinisekisa ukuthi nizohlala ndawonye futhi ningakwazi ukuqhubeka ngaphandle kokucasuka noma ukucasuka.

4. Shiya indawo yemizwa yabo

Uma usushiya ubudlelwano, usuvele unqume ukuthi yilokho ofuna ukukwenza. Kodwa lokho kungase kungabi njalo kumlingani wakho. Uma bengaboni ukuthi kuzokwenzeka ukuhlukana , bangase bazizwe bephuthelwe. Ukungazelelwe kwakho konke kungaletha imizwa eminingi. Qiniseka ukuthi uyayizwa. Phela, kunezinhlangothi ezimbili zokuhlukana ngakunye.

Khumbula, ububele buhamba ibanga elide ekuqedeni ubuhlobo obuhle. U-Eliza uthi, “Hlola isizathu sokuhlukana bese nixoxisana ngendlela efanele lapho uvumela umlingani wakho ukuthi asho ucezu lwakhe. Kungenzeka ukuthi umlingani ozama ukuhlukana naye angase angafuni ukwenza kanjalo. Ukuzola kodwa nokho ukugomela ngezizathu zakho kubalulekile esimweni esinjalo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungahlukana Kanjani Nomuntu Okuthandayo?

5. Sebenzisa ulimi 'I' ukuphetha izinto ngenothi elihle

Akufanele kube khona indawo yamagama anjengokuthi “iphutha lakho”, “Angikholwa ukuthi…” noma “hlala kude nami” uma ufuna ukuqeda ubuhlobo ngendlela enhle. Iphimbo elisolayo namagama abuhlungu kuzokhulisa isimo esingaba sibi kakhulu. Nakuba unelungelo lokwabelana ngesizathu sangempela sesinqumo sakho sokumisa izinto, kufanele uqaphele amagama owakhethile. Nazi ezinye izinkulumo ongazisebenzisa ukugwema ukuhlukana okungcolile:

• "Ngikuzwa kahle lokho"
• "Ngiyethemba ukuthi awukuthathi kakhulu lokhu"
• “Angizizwa kahle muva nje”
• “Angisafuni izinto ezifana nawe”

Nakuba kunengqondo ngokuphelele, futhi kudingekile, ukwabelana ngezizathu zakho zokuhlukana, gwema ukungena emininingwaneni eminingi njengoba kungavula ikani lezikelemu. Nobabili ningase nigcine nimba izinkinga zesikhathi esidlule, ezingaholela ngokushesha emdlalweni wokusola, futhi kukwenze uzizwe kabi ngomkhondo wobudlelwano benu.

6. Yisho izinkumbulo ezinhle

Kungcono yini ukuqeda ubudlelwano ngemibandela emihle? Yebo, kunjalo! Futhi nansi isizathu: ubudlelwano, noma ngabe abuzange buhlale isikhathi eside, kumele ukuthi bukwenze wajabula ngesinye isikhathi futhi baba negalelo ekukhuleni kwakho njengomuntu. Ukukhumbuza umlingani wakho ukuthi uzoqhubeka nokubazisa, khuluma ngezikhathi ezimnandi futhi umtshele ukuthi ukujabulele kangakanani ukwenza izinkumbulo naye. Leso yisihluthulelo sokuthola ukuthi ungaphuma kanjani ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokunyathela yonke inhliziyo yomunye umuntu.

Yisho izikhathi ezakwenza wazizwa ungedwa noma zakufundisa isifundo esibalulekile. Kuhle ukuhlukana nokuzama ukwenza omunye umuntu azizwe engcono, ikakhulukazi uma bebengalindele ukuthi kuzophela kanjena futhi basazokwamukela leli qiniso. Ukuvuselela lokhu kusikisela kokuhle engxoxweni yokuhlukana kuzokwenza kube lula kuwe ukuthi uxhume kabusha uma uthuli seluthulile ekuhlukaneni kwakho. Kwazi bani, ungase uthole umngane omethembayo ku-ex yakho!

7. Xoxani ngokuthatha ikhefu ngaphambi kokuba ningabangane futhi

Ungasuka ekubeni abalingani abathandanayo uye ekubeni abangane abaseduze ngokushesha. Udinga isikhathi sokuchitha isikhathi ukuze welapheke ebuhlungwini, ululame ngokomzwelo, futhi ukhule njengabantu ngabanye. Kungumqondo omuhle ukulandela umthetho wokungathintani futhi nivumelane ngesikhathi eningathanda ukugwema ngaso omunye nomunye. Kungaba noma yikuphi kusukela emavikini ambalwa kuya enyangeni, ezinyangeni eziyisithupha, ngonyaka, noma ngaphezulu.

Wena nowayeshade naye ningase nidinge isikhathi ngaphambi kokuba nilungele ukuphinde nithandane, naphezu kwemizamo yenu yokuhlukana nobuhlobo obuhle. Ukuthi ninqume ukuhlukana kwasekuqaleni kukhomba ukuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi ngoxhumano lwenu. Imizwa engemihle ehlotshaniswa nezinkumbulo ezingemnandi zobudlelwane benu ingaqubuka futhi yenze izinto zibe munyu uma niqala ukusebenzelana ngokushesha.

8. Vuma ukuzwa ngamaphutha akho nawe

Akekho owake wathi, “Sibuqede ubuhlobo bethu kahle”, omunye ehlala ekhomba amaphutha omunye njengoba ehlezi futhi elalele ngokuthula uhlu lwezingubo. Khumbula, kuthatha ababili ukuya ku-tango. Uma ubudlelwano buyehla isikhathi eside, kungenzeka ukuthi umlingani wakho uzoba nezikhalazo zakhe ezimbalwa mayelana neqhaza lakho kukho.

Ngisho noma kungamaphutha nje angenangozi, isinqumo sabo sokukhuluma ngabo singaba buhlungu, ikakhulukazi uma uzama ukuqeda ubuhlobo ngendlela enhle. Uma bekhuluma ngamanye amaphutha akho, ungadideki noma uzivikele. Lalela ngokucophelela futhi uxolise ngokubalimaza . Gwema ukungena emininingwaneni ethile, ngoba kungaholela engxoxweni endaweni yokusola.

9. Babonge ngakho konke

Ungabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano obuhle? Fafaza ukubonga okuncane engxoxweni yakho. Impela, izinto azilungile neze ngalesi sikhathi, futhi nawe kungenzeka ukuthi ulimele ngendlela yakho, kodwa ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi bekungenjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ungase uqonde ezindleleni ezihlukene manje kodwa lo muntu ube nencazelo ekhethekile kuwe ngesikhathi esithile futhi enothisa impilo yakho. Lokho okuhlangenwe nakho kuzohlala kuhlala nawe.

Indlela engcono kakhulu yokushiya ubuhlobo ngendlela enhle ukubabonga ngakho konke abakwenzele kona. Ukumtshela ukuthi sekuphelile noma ukumtshela ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana akudingeki kube yinto ebuhlungu noma enenzondo. Kungaphela ngokumthinta kancane, ukumanga okumnandi , kanye nokuthi “Ngiyabonga ngokuba sempilweni yami” ngokwethembeka.

Nokho, qiniseka ukuthi amazwi akho okubonga akubaniki ithemba elingamanga lokubuyisana. Yiba nesizotha, ube qotho, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, yima uqine esinqumweni sakho. Yebo, akulula ukuqeda ubudlelwano ngomusa, kodwa uma lo muntu eqonde okuthile kuwe, kuwufanele umzamo wokumsindisa ezweni lobuhlungu esikhathini eside.

10. Ungagodoli ngezinyembezi zabo kodwa futhi ungathatheki

Uma uhlukana nomuntu, lindela ukuthi uzocindezeleka ngokomzwelo, aze akhale izinyembezi. Uma lokho kwenzeka, akumelwe uzizwe kabi ngesinqumo sakho noma ukhululeke kangangokuthi awenzi ngisho nomzamo wokubenza bazizwe bengcono. Lokhu kungaba ibhalansi ekhohlisayo ongayishaya, futhi abantu abaningi bagcina sebethonywa yilokhu kuphazamiseka kwemizwelo futhi baqale ukucabanga kabusha ngesinqumo sabo noma benze izinto ezibandayo nezikude kangangokuba omunye umuntu aqale ukubacasukela.

Ukuze akusize wenze le ngxenye ngendlela efanele, u-Eliza uyeluleka, “Ukuhlukana kungase kube isinqumo esingalindelekile noma esicatshangelwe kahle. Kunoma ikuphi, kungase kumcindezele lowo muntu. Kubaluleke kakhulu kumuntu onqume ukuhlukana ukuze acabange ngesizathu sokwenza kanjalo futhi angathatheki ukusabela okungokomzwelo komngane wakhe womshado.”

Ukuze ungabangeli ubuhlungu obukhulu kumlingani wakho, zivumele ukuthi umbambe futhi umnakekele ngaleso sikhathi. Ukumbamba okufudumele kungenza isikhathi sibe lula. Yilokhu kumbamba abazokukhumbula impilo yabo yonke futhi ekugcineni kuzobasiza banqobe noma yimiphi imizwa emibi abangase babe nayo ngawe. Lena indlela enhle yokuhlukana ngokuthula, kodwa qaphela futhi uqaphele imingcele yakho. Awufuni ukuthi le ngxoxo iphele ngocansi lokuhlukana.

Yini Ongayisho Ukuqeda Ubudlelwano Ngemibandela Emihle?

Noma ubani owathi, “Amagama angakwenza noma akwephule,” ngokuqinisekile wayazi ukuthi babekhuluma ngani. Ngisho nezingxoxo ezivamile zingashintsha uma ukukhethwa kwamagama kungalungile. Uma ubambe inhliziyo nomphefumulo womunye umuntu ngezandla zakho, kuyafaneleka nakakhulu ukukhetha amagama akho ngokucophelela nangokucophelela. Ngakho-ke, uma usazibuza, "Ungabuqeda kanjani ubudlelwano obuhle?", mhlawumbe le mininingwane yemigqa yokuhlukana izosiza:  

• “Ngiphatheke kabi ngalento njengawe”
• “Ngithemba ukuthi uzothola injabulo”
• “Ngesaba ukuthi asisalungelani”
• “Ngeke ngisakwazi ukwenza lokhu futhi ufanelwe okungcono kakhulu”
• “Ngebhadi akukhona lokhu ebengicabanga ukuthi kuzoba yikho”
• "Ngiyakuthanda kodwa sifuna izinto ezahlukene"
• “Ngiqeda ubudlelwano obuthile ngoba ngifuna okwengeziwe”
• “Ngiyazi akukho engingakusho ukuze uzizwe ungcono okwamanje kodwa ngiyohlezi ngikufisela okuhle kodwa”
• “Ngithemba ukuthi ngolunye usuku singachitha isikhathi ndawonye njengabangane”
• “Kungase kungabonakali kanjalo njengamanje, kodwa uyohlale unendawo ekhethekile enhliziyweni kaMay”
• "Ngifisa sengathi singenza izinto zisebenze kodwa bekungahlosiwe ukuthi kube njalo"

Uma utshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ufuna ukuhlukana, ingxoxo ingaba namajika amaningi. Kusukela ekukunxuseni ukuthi ushintshe umqondo wakho uye ekufuthekeni ngolaka, ukusabela kwabo kungashintsha ngokushesha njengoba bedlula ezinhlobonhlobo zemizwa. Into ebalulekile okufanele uyikhumbule ukuthi ungangeni kulokhu kuphazamiseka kwemizwa. Uma nje ukhumbula lezi zinto ezincane futhi wenze endaweni yozwelo, ngeke kube nzima ukuthola ukuthi ungabuqeda kanjani ubuhlobo obuhle.

Le ndatshana ibuyekezwe ngoMeyi 2023.

Insizwa Iziphatha Kanjani Ngemva Kokuhlukana? Izinto eziyi-11 obungazazi

Izinyathelo Ezi-5 Zokuqinisekisa Ukuvala Ngemva Kokuhlukana

Imuphi Umehluko Weminyaka Ongcono Kakhulu Womshado Ophumelelayo?

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.