Ukuzidabukela ngemva kokuhlukana akuvamile. Ngezindlela eziningi, kuyimpendulo elindelekile okungenani ezinsukwini zokuqala ngemva kokuhlukana. Phela, usanda kulahlekelwa ingxenye ebalulekile yempilo yakho futhi udabukisa lokho kulahlekelwa.
Njengoba nje kubalulekile ukudabuka nokucubungula yonke i-angst kanye nokulimala, kubalulekile ngokufanayo ukuyeka ukuzidabukela ngesikhathi esithile ukuze ukwazi ukuzelapha ngemva kokuhlukana. Umuzwa oqhubekayo wokuba isisulu ungakugcina uboshiwe esikhathini esidlule. Uma lokho kwenzeka, kukhinyabeza ikhono lakho lokwakha ukuxhumana okusha okunenjongo futhi uqhubekele phambili.
Ukuthola ukuthi ungakuyeka kanjani ukuzisola futhi uziphilise ngemva kokuhlukana ngokwakho kungaba inselele. Ukuze sikusize uthole izimpendulo ezifanele, sikhulume nodokotela wezengqondo Juhi Pandey.
Yimiphi Eminye Imicabango Yokuhlukana Umuntu Adlula Kuyo?
Okuqukethwe
Ukwehlukana ngokuvamile kungenye yezinto ezicindezela kakhulu imizwa nezicindezelayo ekuphileni. Isizathu sokuhlukana nokuthi ngabe ubufuna ukuhlukana noma cha, kungakushiya unomuzwa wokuthi umhlaba wakho wonke uphendulwe phansi. Yingakho abantu abaningi bedabukile ngemva kokuhlukana, bebanjwe imizwelo engathandeki.
Lokhu kubamba noma ngabe i- ubudlelwano bebungenampilo noma akukuhle kuwe. Ukwehlukana akumeleli nje ukulahlekelwa ubudlelwano kodwa nawo wonke amathemba, amaphupho kanye nombono wekusasa owabelane ngakho nomuntu obalulekile wangaphambili.
Endabeni yobuhlobo obuzibophezele isikhathi eside lapho wawuqiniseka khona ukuthi lokhu kwakuhloswe ukuba kube njalo, ukuhlukana kungase kuphonse ukuphila kwakho endaweni engaziwa okungaholela emizweni yokuthi, 'Ngiyazidabukela ngoba angazi ukuthi ngenzeni.'
Ungase uzithole ulahlekile uzama ukuphila impilo ongashadile futhi. Kwezinye izimo, abantu abasakwazi ukuxhumana nabangane babo, imindeni kanye nezingane ngemuva kokuhlukana ngenxa yokuthi ubunikazi babo bugxile kakhulu ebudlelwaneni obukhona manje.
Engeza kule ngxube ukungaqiniseki ngekusasa, ukungabaza ngokuthola uthando futhi, kanye nobuhlungu, ukudumazeka, ukuphazamiseka, ukucindezeleka, usizi kungaba okungaphezu kwamandla. Ngenkathi edabula umhluzi wenhliziyo, iningi labantu libhekana nale mizwa elandelayo nemicabango yokuhlukana:
- Shock: Uma uvale amehlo ngokwehlukana kwakho, ukushaqeka nokungakwazi ukuthi yini okungahambanga kahle kungathatha isikhashana
- Ukuphika: Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma wena nomlingani wakho ninobudlelwane obungenampilo futhi obungenampilo ungase ube nobunzima ukwamukela ukuthi ukuhlukana kungunaphakade. Ngisho ngabe uwena owakubizile kuyayeka
- Usizi: Bese kulandela isigaba esithi 'Ngizizwa ngidabukile ngemva kokuhlukana kangangokuthi umzimba wami wonke ubuhlungu' lapho ugcwele imizwa yokudabuka, ukuzidabukela kanye nesizungu.
- Ukuxoxisana: Usizi luba namandla kakhulu futhi ubona ukubuyelana ne-ex yakho kuyiyona ndlela kuphela yokuphuma. Ngakho-ke, uqala ukuxoxisana, uzama ukubanqoba futhi
- Ukuthatheka: Ngesinye isikhathi ngemva kokuhlukana, uzoqala ukukhathazeka ngeyakho ubudlelwano obudlule kanye nozakwethu wangaphambili. Ukufuna izimpendulo mayelana nokuthi yini engahambanga kahle, ukubeka ubudlelwano bakho ngaphansi kwesithwebuli ukuze uqonde ukuthi yini ebishoda, ukucupha i-ex yakho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukuze ubone ukuthi kuhamba kanjani kubo kuyizindlela ezijwayelekile lo mzwelo oziveza ngayo.
- Intukuthelo: Uma udonsa ipulaki ebudlelwaneni, uzozizwa uthukuthele ngokwenza lokho kanye no-ex wakho ngokuphushela endaweni lapho ungenayo enye indlela. Uma kungenye indlela, uyabasola ngokuphula inhliziyo yakho
- Ukulangazelela: Ungase uqale ukulangazelela nokulangazelela i-ex yakho, okwandisa kuphela umuzwa wokuzisola ngemva kokuhlukana.
- Ukwamukela: Umzwelo wokwamukela uza kuphela ngemva kokuba uyekile ukuzidabukela futhi wenza ukuthula ngokweqiniso. Kusukela kuleli phuzu, uzobe usulungele ukushiya okwedlule ngemuva bese uqhubekela phambili.
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Njengoba ubona, ukwamukela ukuhlukana ngeke kufinyelelwe kuze kube yilapho uyeka ukuzidabukela. Nokho, ukufika kuleli qophelo nokunqoba ngempela ukwehlukana ngokushesha kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Ngokuvamile abantu bazithola bevaleleke ku-loop engapheli yokuzisola, isizungu, ukulangazelela, intukuthelo nobuhlungu ngemva kokuhlukana. Ngokulandelayo, ukuqhubekela phambili nokuphendula iqabunga elisha kungaba amathemba angenangqondo.
Kungakho ukufunda ukubona izimpawu ozidabukelayo nokuzisusa kuba yisidingo sokwelapha inhliziyo ephukile. “Ukuhlukana kwakho kungase kukuxake futhi kukwenze uzizwe sengathi impilo yakho isiphenduke yaba nzima kakhulu ukubhekana nezimo ezinjalo.Lapho osondelene nawe kakhulu ephula inhliziyo yakho, kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa ungafaneleki futhi ungento yalutho.
"Ukuzama ukulungisa isimo ngohlu lwezizathu okufanele uzizwe ujabule ngokuhlukana futhi uzame ukugxila kwenye indawo kungase kungasebenzi ngaso sonke isikhathi kodwa kuyindlela efanele yokuziphilisa ngemva kokwehlukana. Uma kuziwa othandweni, ingqondo yethu enengqondo ayiqhubeki umbukiso. Kunalokho, ukuhlukana kuvame ukusenza sicabange izinto ezimbi kakhulu ngathi futhi omunye angase ngisho kwehla ukucindezeleka.
"Lezi ezinye zezimpawu zakudala zokuthi uyazisola. Kodwa lokho makungakuvimbi ukuphishekela injabulo nenjabulo yempilo yakho," kusho u-Juhi. Okulandelayo kungaba izindlela ezahlukene ongayeka ukuzidabukela ngemva kokuhlukana:
1. Yiba nomusa kuwe ukuze unqobe ukuhlukana
“Lokhu kulula ukukusho, kunzima ukukujwayeza, ikakhulukazi uma ukuhlukana kusekusha futhi izilonda zisha, yingakho kufanele wenze umzamo omkhulu wokuba nomusa nobubele kuwena. Uma usuyekile ukuzisola ngokwenzekile, yilapho impilo yakho entsha iqala khona ngempela.
"Kusebenza njengekhambi eliphelele lokuzidabukela. Isihluthulelo siwukuqala kancane. Ungase ulahlekelwe isithakazelo ezintweni ezikuzungezile noma uzithole ungakwazi ukudla. Kungezikhathi ezinjengalezi lapho kufanele uzikhumbuze ukuthi ukuhlukana akusona isiphetho sempilo yakho, "uJuhi uyeluleka.
Isikhathi esiningi ukuba nomusa kithina yinto enzima kakhulu ukuyenza ngoba asazi ukuthi senze njani. Kuyamangaza ukuthi impendulo ilula – ziphathe ngendlela obungaphatha ngayo umngane onenhliziyo ephukile. Zitshele ukuthi kulungile ukukhala noma ukweqa umcimbi uma ungakuzweli. Zinike isikhathi nothando oludingayo.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, nikeza ama-nuggets amancane okukhuthaza ukuthi uthathe izintambo zempilo yakho futhi. Kungase kubonakale kuyinqubo ehamba kancane kakhulu, kodwa ingenzeka.
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2. Khohlwa futhi uthethelele
NgokukaJuhi, lokho kuwumnyombo wokuyeka ukuzidabukela ngemva kokuhlukana. “Bekezela. Ukuxolelana ebudlelwaneni kubalulekile, kodwa intethelelo ngemva kobudlelwane nayo iyadingeka ngokulinganayo. Zama ukukhohlwa futhi uxolele i-ex yakho ngokwenzekile. Uma uxolela umuntu usuke uzikhulula futhi umenza angakwazi ukuqhubeka nokukuzwisa ubuhlungu,” engeza.
UPatricia, owalaxaza isoka lakhe ngemuva kokulibamba lijola, uyavuma. “Kwaphela isikhathi esingaphezu konyaka ngilokhu ngizidabukela. umbuzo ngafikelwa ukudinwa ngaku ex yami ngizifela ngendlela angenze kabi ngayo.
"Uyena, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngafunda, manje wayesejola nale enye intombazane futhi ephila impilo engathintekile ngokuhlukana. Lokho kwangicasula nakakhulu. Kwathatha izinyanga ezingu-6 zomzamo wokuqaphela, nomqondo - kanye nokuhlangana okukodwa kokudakwa ne-ex yami lapho ngiyibeka khona njengoba yayinjalo - ukuze ngithole intukuthelo yonke. Ngamxolela, futhi yilokho okwangikhulula.
3. Gxila kokuhle ukuze uyeke ukuzizwa kabi ngemva kokuhlukana
Ubuhlungu bakho 'bengidabukela' buyophela kuphela lapho ulungisa ilensi yakho futhi ucabanga ngezinto ezinhle. Njengoba besho, wonke amafu amnyama anomugqa wesiliva. Noma kungezwani kanjalo lapho ujule entanyeni ngemizwa yokuzidabukela. Ukuze ukwazi ukuyeka ukuzidabukela, kufanele ushintshe ukugxila kwakho futhi ucabange ngalokho okubaluleke kakhulu.
Gxila ezintweni ezinhle zokuhlukana. Mhlawumbe, beningalungelani. Mhlawumbe ubudlelwano babungenampilo. Noma bekunezinkinga eziyisisekelo futhi izinkinga zobudlelwano lokho bekuzogcina kuphazamise ibhondi yakho. Mhlawumbe bekuzokwenzeka futhi kungcono ukuthi uyinqamule manje kunokuthi uyilule futhi uzwe ubuhlungu nakakhulu kamuva.
Ukuthi ninqume ukwehlukana kukhombisa ukuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi. Thola induduzo eqinisweni lokuthi ubudlelwano buphelile manje kuneminyaka embalwa phansi komugqa.
UJuhi uthi, "Zama ukucabanga ngezinto ezinhle futhi uthole ukulunga esimweni. Ukugxila kwakho kufanele kube ekuboneni isithombe esikhulu ngokucacile. Lungisa ukuhlukana ngokugcizelela iqiniso lokuthi bekungenakugwenywa futhi bekuzokwenzeka esikhathini esithile. Ngokushesha kuba ngcono! Lokhu kungase kuzwakale kungavamile kodwa kuyasebenza ngempela."
4. Zithokozise ukuze ususe leyo micabango yokuhlukana
Iseluleko sikaJuhi sithi ukuze ululame ngemva kokuhlukana kufanele uzame ukwenza izinto ezizokujabulisa. Kungaba uhambo lokuyothenga, ukufunda izincwadi, ukuchitha isikhathi nabantu obathandayo, ukuzilibazisa kanye nezinkanuko.
UMartha uthi: “Ngahlukana nesoka lami emasontweni amabili ngaphambi komshado, yonke into kusukela osukwini lwethu olukhulu kuze kube seholidini langemva komshado kwakuhlelwe kwaze kwaba sekugcineni ngaleso sikhathi.
Kwathi ngokusikisela komngane wami, igenge yezintombi zami - ezazizoba izimpelesi zami - ngaya kwi-honeymoon engangiyihlelile, ngikhipha iqabunga lezocansi kanye neDolobha. Ukuze bangenze ngiyeke ukuphatheka kabi ngemva kokuhlukana, bacabanga ukuthi lena ukuphela kwendlela. Kwakuyinqaba futhi kudabukisa ekuqaleni kodwa ngagcina ngizithole nginesikhathi esimnandi. Lolu hambo lwangisiza kakhulu, futhi okungenani, lwangenza ngaqala ukuba nempilo ngemva kokuhlukana.”
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5. Thatha ikhefu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
Izinkundla zokuxhumana nokuhlukana akuhlangani kahle, sithembe kulokho. Izithombe zemibhangqwana ejabule emugqeni wakho wesikhathi zingashaya njenge-jab ebukhali, zengeze imizwa yakho yesizungu nokulangazelela. Khona-ke, kukhona isifiso esicindezelayo soku bhebha i ex yakho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukuze balandelele ukuthi kade benzani. Yebo, sonke siyakwenza! Ngakho-ke akukho phuzu lokuphika kithi kuwe nakuwe.
Imicabango yakho edabukisayo yokuhlukana ikhula kuphela uma ubabona bephila futhi awuseyona ingxenye yaleyo mpilo. Okubi kakhulu kukho konke ukubona 'othile okhethekile' omusha ezindabeni zabo noma amaposi kungase kucindezele. Ngokufanayo, uma ubona ukuthi babonakala bengakhathazwa ukuhlukana kwabo, kungase kukhulise leso simo esidabukisayo sokuzidabukela.
UJuhi uthi, "Kungcono ukuthi uthathe ikhefu kuzo zonke izinkundla zokuxhumana. Izokusiza ngezindlela ezahlukene. Okokuqala, ungabe usacupha i-ex yakho. Okwesibili, uzobe ungekho kwezinye izinhlobo zokungaboni kahle ezingakuthinta ngezinkundla zokuxhumana. Okokugcina, uzoba nesikhathi esengeziwe sokuzinika wena."
6. Xhumana kabusha nabantu bakho ukuze uyeke ukuphatheka kabi ngemva kokuhlukana
“Zama ukukubona ngale ndlela: Lapho ingane ilimale, iya kunina noyise, ongayiduduza, imduduze futhi ayenze ibe ngcono. Njengoba sikhula, silahlekelwa ukuthintana nengane engaphakathi kithi. Ukuze ululame ngemva kokuhlukana, vumela leyo ngane iphinde ixhumane nabantu abangakwenza uzizwe ungcono,” kusho uJuhi.
Ukuchitha isikhathi nabathandekayo bakho kungaba indlela ephelele yokulwa nemizwa yesizungu ngemva kokuhlukana. Ngaphandle kwalokho, lapho uzizwa uthandwa futhi unakekelwe, awusazizwa ulahlekile. Uma uhlezi kuma-PJs akho futhi uzicabangela, “Kungani ngizibeka icala ngokuhlukana?”, bese ususa leyo micabango ngokushesha bese ubiza umngane. Ukuchitha isikhathi nabangani nakanjani ukwenza usuku lwakho lube ngcono ngokushesha!
Abantu abakuthandayo bahlale bekusiza ukuthi ubone ukubaluleka kwakho kwangempela. Kulula ukuvumela ukuhlukana okubi kukulawule futhi uzibuze wena njengomuntu. Kodwa abangani abalungile bazokunikeza isibuko futhi bakubonise ukuthi ungcono kakhulu kunalokho. Ngakho-ke, ncika kubangani bakho ukuze uthole ukwesekwa. Shayela umngane wakho lapho udinga ukuphuma. Chitha impelasonto kubazali bakho, ujabule ngakho konke ukutotoswa abakwenzayo.
7. Gxila emsebenzini wakho
Ngemva kokuhlukana okwamshiya edangele, uJackson wazithola ecwila ezinhlungwini nasezinhlungwini. “Uhlale uzwa abantu bethi uzizwa udabuke kakhulu ngemva kokuhlukana kodwa awuboni ngempela ukuthi lokho kusho ukuthini kuze kube yilapho kufika ekhaya. Ngangithinteke kakhulu eyami kangangokuthi ngangivuka njalo ekuseni ngizwa ubuhlungu obukhulu futhi nginomuzwa womthwalo osindayo esifubeni sami. Kwakungathi angikwazi ukuphefumula. Ngangazi ukuthi ngangidinga ukuphazamiseka okunempilo ngaphambi kokuba le micabango yokuhlukana ingidle.
“Ngangingazi ukuthi ngingayixosha kanjani le mizwa ngenye indlela, ngazinikela emsebenzini. Njengoba izinto zami eziza kuqala zazishintsha, nobukhulu bobuhlungu bami bakhula. Ezinyangeni eziningi kamuva, ngavuka ekuseni ngolunye usuku ngabona ukuthi owayekade engithanda kwakungaseyona into yokuqala engqondweni yami. Angikaze ngikuthole ukukhululeka okunjalo ngaphambi noma kusukela ngaleso sikhathi. Ngangiqala ngqá ukuzwa ukuthi ngidlulela esikhathini esidlule,” usho kanje.
U-Juhi futhi ukholelwa ukuthi kuyindlela enhle yokubhekana nesimo engakufikisa lapho uyeke ukuzidabukela. "Ungayikhohlwa kanjani i-ex yakho? Zama ukwenza izifundo noma imisebenzi ukuze uthuthukise isethi yakho yamakhono. Chitha isikhathi esiningi ehhovisi. Noma uma ungumfundi, chitha isikhathi esiningi emtatsheni wezincwadi, ufunda okuthile. Ukufunda izindaba ezikhuthazayo kungenza umuntu azizwe engcono kakhulu kunalokho umuntu angakucabanga," uyancoma.
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8. Zinike isikhathi sokuzazisa futhi uziphilise ngemva kokuhlukana
"Noma nini lapho ingqondo yakho igcwele imicabango engalungile, zinike isikhathi sokuzihlola uma ufuna ngempela ukuzelapha ngemva kokuhlukana. Ngaphambi kokuba uzibuze ukuthi ungayikhohlwa kanjani i-ex yakho, cabanga ngale mibuzo eminye. Ingabe ukuphela? Ingabe kuwukuphela kwenjongo yempilo yami? Ingabe ubuhlobo obudlule bukhulu kangangokuthi ngiyalahlekelwa ngenxa yabo? Ingabe ngizihlukumeza ngokweqile?
“Yebo, lezi yizibonelo ezimbalwa nje ezingakusiza uqonde ukuthi ukubuza imibuzo efanele kungakunikeza kanjani izimpendulo ozidingayo ukuze uqhubekele phambili. qeda ukuhlukana ngokushesha. Udinga ukwazi ukubuka isithombe esikhulu ukuze usule izithiyo ezingasho lutho.
"Uma ubheka uhlelo olukhulu lwezinto, ukuhlukana - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kubi noma kubi kangakanani - kungase kubonakale njengeqhubu elincane ohambweni olude lwempilo," kusho uJuhi.
9. Zibophezele esimisweni esisebenzayo ukuze unqobe ukuhlukana ngokushesha
“Uzizwa udabukile ngemva kokuhlukana kangangokuthi ungase ugcine uchitha isikhathi sakho esiningi ubhuquza futhi ukhala, uvaleleke ezindongeni ezine zegumbi lakho.” Nakuba kukuhle ukuzinika isikhathi sokulila futhi udle lowo bhavu ka-ayisikhilimu izinsuku ezimbalwa, okubaluleke kakhulu ukwazi ukuthi kufanele ume nini futhi usebenzele ukubuyisela ukuphila kwakho esimeni esihle.
Uma othile ethi 'Yeka ukuzidabukela', ukufunela okungcono kakhulu kuphela futhi ufuna ukukubona enguqulweni engcono kakhulu yakho okungenzeka ube kuyo. Ngakho-ke ungazizwa uhlaselwa futhi uzame ukuthola indlela eyakhayo yokuphuma ekwenza ube ngcono.
“Akulula neze ukuzilungiselela. Kodwa ukuba nesimiso esimatasa, ngohlobo oluthile lokuzivocavoca umzimba – kungaba ukuya ejimini, ukudansa, ukuyoshaywa umoya – kungavuselela ukugeleza kwamahomoni okuzizwa ejabule abizwa ngokuthi ama-endorphin. Valelisa kulabo izaba zokujima ezihlekisayo futhi nginyakaze. Lokhu kukwenza uzizwe ukahle ngokwemvelo, kukusiza ukuba unqobe ukudabuka nokuzidabukela.
Akulula ukuyeka ukuzidabukela ngemva kokuhlukana. Kodwa kungenzeka ngokuphelele, futhi lokho nakho ngaphandle kokuchitha izinyanga zokuphila kwakho ulilela ukulahlekelwa. Ukuphumelela kulokho kudinga intando eqinile, ukuzinikela nokubekezela.
Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ukuze uzibuyisele ngemva kokuhlukana, okokuqala nokubaluleke kakhulu, kufanele uzivumele ukuba udabuke. Ukubamba konke ukudabuka, intukuthelo noma ubuhlungu ngaphakathi kwandisa kuphela inqubo yokuphulukisa nokuqhubekela phambili. Uma usukwenzile lokho, gxila kulokho okungaphambili kunokuba uye phambili amehlo akho ethe njo esibukweni esikubonisa ngemuva.
Ukuthi le mizwa ihlala isikhathi esingakanani ngemva kokuhlukana kuncike ezicini ezifana nokuthi ubunesikhathi esingakanani nithandana, ukuthi ubutshalwe ngokujulile kangakanani, noma ngabe ubukulungele yini ukwehlukana ngezinga elithile, kanye nokuthi ukuhlomele kahle kangakanani ukubhekana nakho.
Ukuzidabukela ngemva kokuhlukana kungokwemvelo kodwa umzamo kufanele kube ukungawuvumeli lowo muzwa wakheke ngezinga ongeke ukwazi ukulidlula.
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Indlela Elungile Yokusebenzisa Amandla Okuthula Ngemva Kokuhlukana
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
KUINKA SAIN EXIN AVIOMEEHENI TAKAISIN LOITSUJEN LAUTAJAN {PAPPI ADU} AVULLA JA HÄNEN JÄLLEENYTTÄMISRAKKAUDEN LOITSUNSA VOIMANA 7 PÄIVÄN SISÄLLÄ. ULÄHETÄ HÄNELLE SÄHKÖPOSTIA OSOITTEESEEN ([i-imeyili ivikelwe])
KUINKA SAIN EXIN AVIOMEEHENI TAKAISIN LOITSUJEN LAUTAJAN {PAPPI ADU} AVULLA JA HÄNEN JÄLLEENYTTÄMISRAKKAUDEN LOITSUNSA VOIMANA 7 PÄIVÄN SISÄLLÄ. ULÄHETÄ HÄNELLE SÄHKÖPOSTIA OSOITTEESEEN ([i-imeyili ivikelwe])