Chophatikizira Cholepheretsa-Kupewa: Zizindikiro, Zoyambitsa, ndi Njira Zogonjetsera

Sindimadziwa kuti ndakhala ndi chibwenzi ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi kalembedwe kodziletsa, mpaka posachedwa. Ndili ndi zaka 21, chibwenzi changa chinkandisokoneza ndi khalidwe lake. Nthaŵi zina, anali wachikondi ndi wotchera khutu, kuyesetsa kuti andithandize kudzimva kuti ndimasamalidwa, kukonzekera za mtsogolo mwathu, ndi kusonyeza m’njira zosiyanasiyana kuti ineyo ndine amene. Ndiyeno mwadzidzidzi ankadzitalikira kutali. Sanayimbe mafoni anga kawirikawiri, ponena kuti ndinali wotanganidwa. Titakumana, anali wozizira komanso wosafikirika. Zinali ngati kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu wosam’dziŵa. 

Kodi ndine wosowa, kapena sakufuna? Ndimadzifunsa ndekha nthawi zonse. Ubale wathu udasokonekera koma sizinandiwonongere ulemu wanga komanso chidaliro changa. Ndi chidziwitso chatsopano komanso kafukufuku omwe tili nawo, zawonekeratu kuti ndinali pachibwenzi ndi munthu yemwe anali ndi khalidwe lachikale lodziletsa. 

Dr. Shefali Batra (MD mu Psychiatry), katswiri wa zamaganizo ku California komanso katswiri wodziwa bwino zamaganizo, yemwe amagwira ntchito yopereka uphungu pa kupatukana ndi kusudzulana, kusudzulana ndi chibwenzi, komanso zokhudzana ndi kugonana musanalowe m'banja, amagawana kuti munthu amene ali ndi chiyanjano chokana "amapewa kukhudzana ndi maganizo ndipo amakhala kutali ndi kudalira maganizo." Kuti timvetse izi, tiyenera kuphunzira za kupsinjika maganizo kwa akuluakulu. Ndiroleni ine ndikuuzeni inu zonse za izo. 

Nchiyani Chimachititsa Masitayelo Omata? 

Kalekale m’ma 1950, katswiri wa zamaganizo wa ku Britain dzina lake John Bowlby ananena kuti a lingaliro losintha za kulumikizidwa. Nthanthi yake inali yakuti ana onse amabadwa ndi chibadwa chofuna kudziphatika kwa ena kuti apulumuke. M'zaka za m'ma 1970, katswiri wa zamaganizo Mary Ainsworth anatenga lingaliro ili patsogolo ndipo anapempha chiphunzitso cholumikizira zomwe tikudziwa ndikugwiritsa ntchito lero. 

Malinga ndi iye, pali masitaelo osiyanasiyana okhudzana ndi momwe anthu amakondera ena, kutengera ubale wawo ali mwana ndi wowasamalira wawo wamkulu. Ana akhoza kugawidwa kukhala otetezeka kapena otetezeka masitayelo olumikizidwa osatetezedwa. Kusagwirizana kwachitetezo kumaphatikizapo masitayelo awa:

• Nkhawa ubwenzi 
• Chiyanjano chokana-kupewa 
• Mantha-kupewa ubwenzi 

Dr. Gaurav Deka (MBBS, PG Diploma in Psychotherapy and Hypnosis), katswiri wodziwika padziko lonse lapansi wa Transpersonal Regression Therapist komanso katswiri wamisala komanso thanzi labwino yemwe amagwira ntchito yothana ndi zoopsa, akuti, "Masitayelo ophatikizika awa ndi chiwerengero cha zomwe munakumana nazo zakale ndi chikondi, chisamaliro, ndi kulera."

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Zotsatira za masitayelo osagwirizana ndi maubwenzi - Malinga ndi akatswiri

Tiyeni tikambirane mmene kupwetekedwa mtima paubwana kumakhudzira maubwenzi aukulu. Pomvetsetsa momwe akuluakulu amagwirizanirana ndi kulumikizana ndi ena, munthu akhoza kuchitapo kanthu kuti apange maubwenzi abwino komanso okhutiritsa. Pano, tikambirana zina mwazowopsa za masitayelo osatetezeka pa maubwenzi okondana, monga anenera maphunziro ndi akatswiri.

• Dr. Deka akulongosola kugwirizana pakati pa kupwetekedwa mtima kwa ubwana ndi maunansi achikulire, “Mmene makolo anu anakupangitsirani kumva pamene muli mwana amalamulira mmene mumachitira ndi machitachita pa maunansi apamtima achikulire.”
• Phunziro la Bartholomew ndi Horowitz limanena kuti “chokumana nacho chimene munthu amakhala nacho ndi womusamalira paubwana wake chingatsogolere ku ziyembekezo za zokumana nazo zofananazo m’maunansi apatsogolo ndi mabwenzi apamtima.” 
• Malinga ndi katswiri wathu watsiku, Dr. Batra, "Makhalidwe osagwirizana ndi umunthu amapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwambiri kuti wokondedwayo apitirizebe kukhala naye." Wokondedwayo nthawi zambiri amasokonezeka pa zomwe akuyenera kuchita. Ngati munthuyo ndi mnzanuyo akudziwa za umunthu wotero, akhoza kuyesetsa mwakhama kuti azitha kuyanjana bwino ndi anthu.
• Katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri waubwenzi ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, amaika m'gulu la nkhawa-ambivalent attachment style Monga “nkhani yachikale ya okondana okakamirana, oda nkhawa, ndi okayikitsa.” Okwatirana oterowo anali ndi makolo osamvana, omwe mwina sakanatha kukhala kholo lathunthu. 
• Kudetsa nkhawa kwakukulu komanso kutengeka ndi kupanga zibwenzi "zapafupi" ndi momwe wopewa nkhawa amayendera maubwenzi. Mutha kuzindikira machitidwe awa m'mabanja omwe amangokhalira kukakamira komwe mumayesa kuzindikira kusiyana pakati pa kusagwirizana ndi chikondi. Izi zitha kukhala zizindikilo za kusagwirizana kwa anthu akuluakulu ndipo zimatha kubwera ndi mkwiyo, kudalirana, ndi zovuta zokondana
• Pakhoza kukhala kusiyana kwa masitayelo owopsa ndi opewa kuthamangitsa, koma kufanana kwakukulu ndikuti nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi zowawa zina kuyambira ali mwana. Owasamalira angakhale osagwirizana m’maubwenzi awo ndipo, chotsatira chake, munthuyo amayamba kusanganikirana kosokonekera kwa chikhumbo chaubwenzi ndi kupeŵa maubwenzi achikondi. Kodi wozemba wamantha angagwe m'chikondi? Sizingatheke, koma zimafuna ntchito ndi khama kuchokera kwa onse awiri
• Mwachiwonekere, njira zolumikizirana zoyambilira zimatsimikizira mitundu yachilimbikitso muubwenzi womwe mukufuna, komanso mawonekedwe anu otetezeka komanso osatetezeka.

Ngakhale kuti sikuli kophweka monga kunena kuti ubwana woipa umakhudza maunansi, pali mbali yofunika ya choonadi m’nthanthi zimenezi. Mwachitsanzo, ngati makolo anu anali anthu osungika, achikondi amene anakupatsani nthaŵi ndi chisamaliro chimene munachifuna, mwaŵi wakula kukhala munthu wamkulu wodalirika, womangika mosungika ndi wodzidalira kwambiri, maganizo amphamvu a chisungiko, ndipo mukhoza kukonda mosavuta. Kumbali ina, ngati munakulira m'banja lomwe muli ndi kulumikizana kosagwirizana mu ubale komanso chidwi chosagwirizana, mutha kukhala ndi kuopa kusiyidwa.

Nchiyani chimayambitsa kugwirizana kwa dismissive-kupewa? 

Nchiyani chimayambitsa kusagwirizana-kupewa kusagwirizana kapena kusokonezeka kwa anthu akuluakulu? Mwinamwake munaleredwa m’dera limene kudziimira kwanu kunaumirira panthaŵi ya kukula kwaubwana wanu. Ngakhale kuyambira ubwana, munaphunzitsidwa kupondereza chibadwa chanu chopempha thandizo ndipo, chifukwa chake, munakula wodzidalira, kupeŵa ubwenzi, ndi kuopa kusonyeza chiwopsezo chilichonse. Makolo omwe ali ndi ana omwe amapewa kuphatikizika nthawi zambiri amachepetsa kufunika kolumikizana, kaya ndi kukhudza thupi kapena kusatetezeka kwamalingaliro. 

Ana otere amaphunzira 'kuzimitsa' zosowa zawo (kapena kuyesa kutero), koma kufunikira kolumikizana ndi kukanidwa kwake kumapanga gawo lofunikira pakukula kwawo ndi kuyanjana kwawo. Monga njira yothanirana ndi vutoli, iwo angayambenso kuika maganizo awo pa ntchito zina ndi kubisa kufunika kwa nthaŵi, chisamaliro, ndi chikondi cha kholo lawo. Amakhala ndi mtima wodzidalira ndipo amaphunzira kusadalira ena. Kudziyimira pawokha kokakamizika kumeneku ndi luntha lamalingaliro limapitilira mpaka uchikulire ndi zibwenzi zachikondi zotsatira. Cholinga cha akuluakulu oterowo chimakhazikika pa iwo eni, ndipo chifukwa chake, sangathe kuwerenga bwino za ubale ndi anthu kapena kusintha zosowa za mnzawo. 

Kodi Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style ndi Chiyani? 

Ndiye, kodi kuthamangitsidwa-kupewa kumamatira (kapena kusagwirizana komwe kumatchulidwa nthawi zambiri)? Mwachidule, anthu omwe ali ndi mtundu wamtunduwu wamtunduwu amakhala odziyimira pawokha mopambanitsa ndipo amatha kukhala ndi zovuta kukhazikitsa maubwenzi anthawi yayitali, watanthauzo, komanso apamtima. Onetsani A: Mnzanga wakale! Dr. Batra akuwonjezera kuti, “Zizindikiro zodziwikiratu za kalembedwe kodziletsa ndi:

• Sadalira mnzawo 
• Amauza mnzawo kuti asadalire 
• Amapewa kupanga mgwirizano wamalingaliro 
• Amachotsanso kugwirizana kwamaganizo kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wawo

Komabe, safuna kuti ubwenziwo utheke. Iwo samangofuna kudalira maganizo ndi kugwirizana. Izi zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwa wokondedwa wawo. " 

Dr. Deka akuwonjezera kuti, “The kupewa-kukana kumamatira kalembedwe imapereka chithunzithunzi chowonekera bwino cha momwe zokumana nazo zaubwana ndi maubale zimalumikizidwa. Munthu amene ali ndi kalembedwe kaubwenzi kameneka amavutika kuti apirire ubwenzi wapamtima. Amayika patsogolo ufulu wawo ndi kudziyimira pawokha kuposa china chilichonse, ndipo, chifukwa chake, amatha kumva kutsekeka pomwe ubale wawo wapamtima kapena kuyandikana kumagwira ntchito yawo. Anthu awa nthawi zambiri amatsutsidwa kuti amatalikirana ndi anzawo. Chifukwa cha kusokonekera kumene kumabwera chifukwa cha kuyandikana, anthu ozemba amakonda kukankhira anzawo kutali, kunama kwa iwo, kukhala ndi zibwenzi, kapenanso kuthetsa maubwenzi awo kuti ayambirenso kudziyimira pawokha komwe adazolowera. 

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Makhalidwe a anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kodziletsa-kupewa kuphatikana

Mitundu yophatikizika yopewa kuthamangitsidwa ndiyosavuta kuwona. Mndandanda wofulumirawu wa mawonekedwe ukhoza kusintha pakapita nthawi koma nthawi zambiri umakhala ndi izi: 

• Anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kameneka amakonda kukhala okha komanso odzidalira komanso kuti anthu asamavutike
• Amakonda kusamasuka ndi maubwenzi apamtima
• Amapewa zochitika ndi maubwenzi okhutira omwe ali okhudzidwa kwambiri kapena apamtima
• Sawona zibwenzi ngati zofunika ndipo amakonda kuthamangitsana mwachisawawa ndi maubwenzi achidule
• Amapewa mikangano kapena kusagwirizana ndipo amakonda kudzipatula pazochitikazo
• Sachita chidwi ndi zimene ena amaganiza kapena kumva ndipo sachita khama kuti adziwe
• Amapewa kudzipereka (kwamtundu uliwonse)
• Amaopa kulamulidwa
• Samakonda kufotokoza zakukhosi kwawo/mantha/nkhawa zawo ndipo sakhala ndi luso loyankhulana bwino

Malinga ndi ofufuza za attachment, Fraley ndi Brumbaugh, Akuluakulu omwe ali ndi masitayelo odzipatulira odziletsa angasankhe mwachangu kusachita nawo maubwenzi apamtima mwanjira yodzitetezera ku kukanidwa kapena mikangano. Angathenso kupondereza kukumbukira zochitika zoipa ndi kupeza kukhala kovuta kufotokoza malingaliro awo ndi zokonda zawo. Makhalidwe onsewa amathandiza kusokoneza maubwenzi apakati pa anthu ndipo zimafunika kudzidziwitsa komanso kukhudzidwa kuti tigonjetse.

Zizindikiro 8 Zomwe Muli Ndi Kachitidwe Kodziletsa-Kupewa Zophatikizira

Tiyeni tikambirane zizindikiro 8 zodziwika bwino za anthu omwe ali ndi masitayelo odziletsa omwe angawonekere akamakula. Ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti mwamuna wopewera ntchito sangawonetse mikhalidwe yonseyi nthawi zonse, kapena mikhalidwe ya mzimayi wopewa zinthu sizingafanane ndi mabokosi onsewa. Onani ngati mukugwirizana ndi izi:

1. Muli ndi milingo yayikulu yopewera ubwenzi 

Anthu akamayandikira, m'pamenenso wotsutsa-wopewayo amasiya kuyandikana kwamtima ndikuchoka pachibwenzi. Ubwenzi wapamtima zimayambitsa kusapeza bwino. Anthu omwe ali ndi mtundu wotere wamtunduwu nthawi zambiri amataya chidwi momwe ubalewo umakhalira ndipo amapewa kukhala pachibwenzi.

Ndiye n'chifukwa chiyani opewa-opewa amabwerera? Pamene okondedwa awo achoka mwamalingaliro, opewa-opewa amakonda kubwerera ndikuyang'ananso chidwi chawo pa chiyanjano. 

2. Mwakhala ndi zibwenzi zazifupi, zosaya kapena kusinthasintha kwanthawi zonse 

Zotsika zimalowa maubwenzi wamba kapena kugwedezeka kumalola wotsutsa-wopewa kuchita nawo ubwenzi koma mwakufuna kwawo. Popeza kuti maubwenzi osaya awa sakhala ozama kwambiri, mikangano imakhala yochepa ndipo imagwirizana ndi kupeŵa udindo ndi kuyandikana kwa munthuyo. 

3. Mumadziwika kuti ndinu wodzidalira 

Anthu omwe amapewa kuchita zinthu monyanyira amakonda kudziimira monyanyira. Iwo angakane kudalira ena kuti akwaniritse zosowa zawo ndipo zimawavuta kupempha thandizo. Popeza amangodzidalira okha, kalembedwe kodziletsa-kupewa kumangodziwika ndi umunthu wodzidalira kwambiri komanso wodzidalira. 

Iwo ali ndi chidziwitso cha omwe iwo ali, zomwe amakonda, ndi zomwe sakonda, ndi zolinga za moyo wawo. Pankhani yosakhala yachikondi, maubwenzi apamtima, amaonedwa ngati 'osasamalira bwino' ndipo safuna zambiri kuchokera kwa ena. M'malo mwake, izi zitha kukhala zambiri maubwenzi apamwamba. 

4. Kulephera kwanu kugawana zakukhosi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe zikuwonetsa kuti muli ndi kalembedwe kodziletsa

Anthu omwe amapewa kusokoneza amapeza kuti zimakhala zovuta kugwirizana ndi ena ndikupewa kugwirizana kwamalingaliro. Samasuka mu maubwenzi apamtima ndikusunga malingaliro awo pafupi ndi iwo eni. Izi, zimapangitsanso kuti kupanga maubwenzi okhalitsa kukhala kovuta. Kutalikirana kwamaganizidwe kumasokoneza ndikupweteketsa Partners of dismissive-pewant people. 

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5. Chisamaliro chanu ndi chikondi chanu kwa wokondedwa wanu zimakhala zosagwirizana 

Dandaulo lalikulu kwambiri lochokera kwa abwenzi a akuluakulu omwe amapewa-kupewa ndi kusadziŵika kwa chikondi. Ubwenzi ukhoza kusuntha kuchoka ku chisamaliro chanthawi zonse mpaka kunyalanyaza mofulumira kwambiri. Njira zosagwirizanazi zimachitika nthawi yonse yaubwenzi ndipo zitha kuwonedwa ngati mtundu wankhanza.  

6. Kupeza zolakwika ndi kutchera khutu ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita 

Munthu wopewera kuphatikizika amapeza nitpick kapena kupeza cholakwika mwa mnzake pakuyesa mosazindikira kuwononga ubale. Mwadzidzidzi, zizolowezi za wokondedwa wawo kapena mawonekedwe ake amakhala chifukwa chodetsa nkhawa komanso chosavuta chifukwa chakutha. Kufunika kwa chitetezo ndikuyambitsa kwakukulu kwa mtundu uwu wa umunthu, zomwe zimatsogolera ku chilakolako champhamvu chothawa.  

7. Mumadana ndi mikangano 

Anthu omwe ali ndi njira yopewera kuphatikizika amakonda kuthawa maubwenzi chifukwa amayembekeza kusiyidwa pakavuta, kapena mkangano ukayandikira. Pofuna kupewa kukanidwa kumeneku, amachoka pazochitikazo ndikupewa gwero la mikangano. 

8. Ngati mumakana kukhala pachiwopsezo komanso kumasuka m'maubwenzi, ndi chizindikiro china kuti ndinu wopewa. 

Anthu omwe ali ndi masitayelo odziletsa amakonda kuweruza ena akamalankhula momasuka kapena akuwonetsa kusatetezeka. Kusakhulupirira ena kukhala anthu kumabweretsa kukhala otchedwa narcissists amene sakonda kuganiza zabwino za ena (koma amadzilemekeza mopambanitsa). 

Kodi n'chiyani chimayambitsa khalidwe lopeŵa zinthu?

Zoyambitsa zotsatirazi zitha kupangitsa kuti wopewayo abwerere ndikuthawa kapena kunamizira kuti ubale kulibe:

• Ubale uliwonse kapena zochitika zomwe akumva kuti sangalamulire 
• Zinthu zosayembekezereka 
• Mikangano kapena mikangano
• Kudzudzula ndi kuweruza ena 
• Kudalira ndi kusatetezeka kwa ena 
• Pamene wokondedwa wawo akufuna nthawi kapena chisamaliro 

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Momwe Mungagonjetsere ndi Kupanga Zophatikiza Zotetezedwa

Ngati mukuwona kuti mukuwonetsa mikhalidwe ya munthu wopewa kuthamangitsa ndipo mukufuna kukhala ndi ubale wapamtima komanso wopambana (kapena kulumikizana bwino ndi ena), pali njira zotsimikizika zomwe mungatenge kuti muchiritsidwe. Komabe, sikuti nthawi zonse zimakhala za momwe mungakonzere machitidwe odziletsa-opewa kuphatikizika. Ndi kukhazikitsa chitetezo attachment style sizikutanthauza kuti simudzakumana ndi mavuto mu ubale wanu watanthauzo. Komabe, mudzakhala ndi zida zofunika kuthana nazo mwanjira yathanzi.

Momwe mungathanirane ndi khalidwe lodziletsa-kupewa kugwirizana

mu kuphunzira ndi Simpson ndi Rholes, Kugwirizana kwa Akuluakulu, Kupsinjika, ndi Maubwenzi Achikondi, pali malangizo amomwe mungachitire kuchitira dismissive-kupewa khalidwe ubwenzi. Imati, "Polimbana ndi zochitika zodetsa nkhawa, anthu omwe amapewa kwambiri sangadziwe kuti akhumudwa, ndipo (amakonda) safuna kapena kupempha thandizo kwa abwenzi awo. Poganizira za machitidwe awo oipa, onyoza, anthu odzipewa (adza) kulimbikitsidwa kuchepetsa kapena kukhala ndi nkhawa iliyonse yomwe amamva chifukwa chodzidalira, zomwe zimawathandiza kuyambiranso, kudzilamulira, kudzilamulira okha. 

"Chotsatira chake, anthu ozemba amakhala ndi zizolowezi zomwe zimalola kuti azicheza ndi anzawo, koma atalikirana bwino, momasuka komanso mogwirizana ndi zomwe amawauza." Nazi njira zina zothanirana ndi izi ndikupanga zolumikizira zotetezeka:

1. Ngati mukuyang'ana kuti muchiritse kalembedwe kanu kopanda chitetezo, yambani ndikuwongolera kulumikizana ndi ena 

Kaya ndi ofunikira anu kapena achibale anu ndi okondedwa anu, kukhala womasuka kwambiri za momwe mukumvera pakali pano ndikuvomereza zosowa ndi zokhumba za ena ndikofunikira. Maubwenzi apamtima amakula ngati pali malo otetezeka olankhulirana. Khalani oona mtima mmene mukumvera ndi kukhala womasuka pomvetsera ena. Ngakhale pamene pali awiri opewa mu ubale, kutsegula njira zoyankhulirana akhoza kupita kutali. 

2. Tsutsani mayankho anu mwachizolowezi 

Kudziwa mayankho anu ndi sitepe yoyamba yowasintha. Masitepe ang'onoang'ono monga kuvomereza kuti ayi, kapena kuvomereza kukambirana m'malo mochotsa mikangano ndi njira zonse zolimbikitsira ndi wokondedwa wanu.

3. Khalani osamala 

Muziganizira kwambiri za panopa m’malo momangoganizira za m’mbuyo kapena kuganiza za m’tsogolo. Journal, kudzisinkhasinkha, ndi kuyesetsa kuvomereza zakukhosi kwanu. Zonsezi zidzakuthandizani kupirira zinthu zomwe simungathe kuzilamulira ndi zina zomwe zingayambitse. 

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4. Funsani thandizo

Chinthu chabwino kwambiri chomwe mungachite ndikuyang'ana njira yothetsera nthawi yaitali kuti muchiritse. Izi zingafunike kupeza katswiri wodziwa kuti akugwireni chanza ndikutchula machitidwe anu. Kusintha nthawi zonse kumakhala kovutirapo, ndipo kumathandizira kukhala ndi wothandizana nawo pakona yanu, kukuthandizani paulendowu. 

5. Gwirani ntchito pakudziletsa 

Momwe mungasamalire malingaliro anu ndi zochita zanu zingathandize pakuyambitsa zochitika. Mutha kuchita izi ndi:

• Kuchita zosemphana ndi momwe mumayankhira nthawi zonse poletsa kukhumudwa 
• Kulankhula zakukhosi kwanu ndi okondedwa anu 
• Kupanga chidaliro mwa ena pang'onopang'ono
• Kutengera ena pang'onopang'ono 
• Kupempha thandizo 
• Kutenga malo aumwini mukachifuna 
• Kugwira ntchito pa wotsutsa wanu wamkati 
• Kudzilola kuti mulakwitse ndikudzikhululukira nokha

Dr Deka akuti, "Choncho, munthu angaone kukhala ndi bwenzi losapezekapo ngati vuto lawo lalikulu, pamene, kwenikweni, ayenera kuganizira chifukwa chake anakopeka ndi wokondedwa wotero poyamba.

Momwe mungathanirane ndi kusagwirizana-kupewa kusagwirizana ndi ena anu ofunika

Dr. Batra ali ndi malingaliro otsatirawa onena za momwe mungathanirane ndi kugwirizana kwa zinthu zopeŵa kuchotsedwa, “Ndingapereke malangizo othandiza otsatirawa kwa bwenzi la munthu amene ali ndi umunthu wopeŵa zinthu. 

• Dziphunzitseni nokha za vutoli. Chinthu choyamba ndicho kuzindikira zizindikiro. Chachiwiri ndikudziwa kuti simungadabwe kuti mungakonze bwanji kuthamangitsidwa-kupewa chifukwa si vuto lomwe 'lingathe kuchiritsidwa'.
• Osapitiriza kugonja chifukwa chakuti mumakonda munthuyo. Charity, pambuyo pake, amayambira kunyumba 
• Khalani ozindikira kuti sitepe yotsatira ndi inu ikani malire
• Fotokozani kwa wokondedwa wanu zomwe khalidwe lawo likuchita paubwenzi wanu ndi zotsatira zake pa inu nokha 
• Muuzeni mnzanuyo kuti mumawathandiza ndipo akhoza kukukhulupirirani
• Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti wodziwa bwinoyo azindikire izi ndikuyesa kukakamiza mnzakeyo kuti apeze chithandizo choyenera chazovuta zamagulu akuluakulu. 

Ngati mnzanu akuwonetsa mawonekedwe amtunduwu, muyenera kudziwa kuti pali chiyembekezo. Ngakhale kuti njira yopita patsogoloyo singakhale yophweka, koma chosangalatsa n’chakuti kusintha kungachitike. Ngati munthu amene akukhudzidwayo akufuna kusintha, kalembedwe kameneka kamatha kusintha kukhala kachitidwe kotetezedwa ndi chizolowezi komanso kuyesetsa kwenikweni. Ngati ndinu wokondedwa wanu, muyenera kukumbukira izi:

1. Lankhulani ndi katswiri 

Zindikirani kuti njira yochiritsira ndi kusintha ikhoza kukhala yolunjika ndi thandizo la akatswiri. Mutha kukhala pafupi kwambiri ndi zomwe zikuchitika kuti mupereke malingaliro ndi malingaliro opanda tsankho. Katswiri kapena mlangizi amathandizira wopewayo kuti amvetsetse zakale zawo ndikuzindikira machitidwe awo.

Mutha kupezanso chithandizo ndikuyankha mafunso anu, monga momwe mungasinthire chidwi ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi kalembedwe kameneka, momwe mawonekedwe anu amakhudzira ubale wanu, kapena momwe mungachiritsire kaye kalembedwe kanu. Monga mukudziwa, alangizi aluso ndi ovomerezeka pa Bonobologulu la gy ali nthawi zonse chifukwa cha inu.

2. Dziwani kuti padzakhala kusamvana 

Mukayandikira kwambiri kwa mnzanu amene amakupewani, m'pamenenso amafuna kuthawa. Mukuyenera atsimikizireni za ubale wanu kuti simukupita kulikonse ndikuchepetsa mantha awo akusiyidwa. Yembekezerani nthawi zosiyanitsidwa ndi chikondi, koma zidzakhala kwa inu kukhala osasunthika muzonsezo ndikupereka malo otetezeka kuti agawane zakukhosi kwawo (popanda kudzudzula). Kuika malire ndi wopewa kulinso mbali yofunika kwambiri kuti muyambenso kuchira. 

3. Zitsimikizo zabwino 

Osabuula. Ndizowona. Mvetserani, njira yakuchira ndi chitetezo sichikhala yokongola, ndipo nonse mukufunika thandizo lonse lomwe mungapeze. Kuchulukitsa ma vibes abwino ndikukhala ndi chizolowezi choganiza komanso zotsimikizira kungathandize kukulitsa kulumikizana kwanu ngati banja. Kuonjezera apo, chilakolako choweruza ndi kutsutsa ena chimachepetsa kwambiri pamene kuvomereza ndi positivity zimalowa mu equation. 

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 9 Zothana ndi Nkhawa za Ubale - Malangizo Ochokera kwa Akatswiri

4. Vomerezani kuti izi SIZAKUKHUDZANI 

Paulendo wakuvomereza wokondedwa wanu ndi zovuta zawo zonse, ndikofunikira kudzikumbutsa kuti palibe chilichonse mwa izi chomwe chikukhudza inu kapena zomwe mumachita. Pamapeto pake, mnzako wopewa kuthamangitsa akulimbana ndi ziwanda zawo panjira yoti achire. Kusiya bwenzi lopewa kungakhale chiyembekezo chanu chokha pa chitetezo. Koma ngati mwasankha kukhala, pirirani ndipo musaweruze.

Aliyense ayenera kukondedwa ndi kukhala pa ubwenzi wachikondi. Kulumikizana kwatanthauzo ndi thanzi la anthu ndi zinthu zomwe muyenera kuzilakalaka ndikuchitapo kanthu. Ngakhale khalidwe lodziletsa lodziletsa lidzakhala lovuta kuligonjetsa, kuphunzira za masitaelo osiyana siyana, zomwe zimayambitsa, ndi momwe mungachiritsire kungapangitse moyo wokhutiritsa. 

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.