Chilankhulo cha Thupi la Maanja Osasangalala - 15 Ikuwonetsa Ukwati Wanu Siukuyenda

Ukwati si wophweka. Pamene mukugawana moyo ndi munthu wina, pamakhala zokwera ndi zotsika, zigamba, mikangano ndi kusakondwa. Ndi pamene magawo osakondweretsa ameneŵa ayamba kuposa chikondi, ubwenzi, ubwenzi, ulemu, ndi kumvetsetsana pakati pa okwatirana, m’pamene banja limakhala lopanda chimwemwe. Kusasangalala kumeneku kumaonekera m’mawonekedwe a thupi la okwatirana mozungulirana. Kulankhula kwa thupi la okwatirana osakondwa ndi chizindikiro chochenjeza cha kutha kwa mgwirizano chifukwa cha mkwiyo, zoyembekeza zosakwaniritsidwa, ndi kusakhutira. 

Kodi mmene thupi lanu limayankhira mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akakhalapo amafuula kuti, “Sindikusangalala m’banja langa”? Kodi kuyanjana kwanu ndi chizindikiro cha kufa kwaukwati? Tiyeni tifufuze poyang'anitsitsa udindo wa matupi pa maubwenzi ndi kuzindikira zomwe zilankhulo zoipa zimanena za momwe banja lanu likuyendera. 

Udindo Wa Chinenero Cha Thupi Pa Ubale

Chilankhulo cha thupi sichimangothandiza kwambiri pokonza ndi kulimbikitsa maubwenzi polankhulana mwamphamvu kwambiri zakukhosi ndi zolinga kuposa mawu, komanso kusonyeza mmene kugwirizana kwa anthu awiri kulili kolimba. Malingana ndi Dr. Albert Mehrabian, yemwe adachita upainiya wa 7-38-55 Communication model, mawu osalankhula amawerengera 55% ya kulankhulana. Izi zikubwerezanso kuti kufotokoza zakukhosi ndikukulitsa chidaliro ndi chitetezo sikumangonena zomwe mumanena, komanso kumaphatikizanso, 

• Zizindikiro
• Makhalidwe
• Kuyanjana kwa diso
• Kukhudza thupi

Mu maubwenzi, zizindikiro zabwino zosalankhula monga kutseguka, kuyang'ana magalasi, ndi kuyang'ana maso nthawi zonse kumathandiza kulimbikitsa mgwirizano wamaganizo, kulemekezana, ndi kumvetsetsa. Mosiyana ndi zimenezi, kulankhula molakwika kwa thupi, kupatsana manja, kutsamira, kapena kupewa kukhudza, kumasonyeza kusagwirizana, kusakhutira, kapena kukangana. 

Katswiri wodziwika bwino wa kalankhulidwe ka thupi, Patti Wood anati: “Matupi athu amalankhula kwambiri za mmene timaonera anzathu, nthawi zambiri tisanadziwe n’komwe.” Kafukufuku wa Dr. John Gottman, yemwe ndi katswiri wodziwa bwino za ubale, akubwereza mfundo imeneyi ponena kuti zinthu zosaoneka bwino monga mawu achipongwe monga kupenyetsetsa m’maso kapena kuusa moyo zimalosera kusakhutira kwa m’banja ndi kulondola kodabwitsa. Kumbali ina, manja monga kugwirana mwachikondi pafupipafupi, kumwetulira, ndi mayendedwe ogwirizana amawonetsa mgwirizano ndi kukhutira. 

Kupatula kupereka chidziwitso chanzeru za momwe ubale uliri pano, mawonekedwe a thupi amathanso kukhudza momwe ubalewo ulili. Mwachitsanzo, kuyandikira ndi kugwirana ndi wokondedwa wanu mwachikondi pambuyo pa mkangano kungathandize kukulitsa chiyanjano ndikupangitsani kuti mukhale ogwirizana kwambiri, pamene, kuwasiya pamene wokondedwa wanu akutsamira ndikupsompsona kuti apange ndewu kumapanga malingaliro osagwirizana ndi mkwiyo. 

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Kusiyana kwa chilankhulo cha anthu osangalala komanso osasangalala

Momwe okwatirana awiri amachitirana wina ndi mzake, osati mwamawu komanso kudzera mu manja awo, mawu, ndi zizindikiro za thupi, ndimuyeso wowonekera bwino wa momwe ubale wawo ulili. Sikuti nthawi zonse muyenera kubwera ndi kunena kuti, “Ndimakonda kukhala ndi mnzanga” kapena “Ndine wosasangalala m’banja langaThupi lanu limatichitira izo, nthawi zina popanda ngakhale inu kuzindikira. 

Zizindikiro za thupi	Mabanja osangalala	Mabanja osakondwa
Kuyanjana kwa diso	Pitirizani kuyang'anana maso nthawi zonse, kusonyeza chinkhoswe ndi chikondi.	Pewani kuyang'ana m'maso kapena kuyang'ana kwakanthawi kopanda chidwi.
Kukhudza Thupi	Kukhudza pafupipafupi, kotonthoza monga kugwirana chanza kapena kukumbatirana.	Kukhudza pang'ono kapena osakhudza thupi; pewani kuyandikana.
Mawonekedwe A nkhope	Kumwetulira kwenikweni, mawu omasuka.	Kumwetulira mokakamiza, kukwinya tsinya, kapena mawu achipongwe (mwachitsanzo, kuseka).
Makhalidwe	Tsegulani, kutsamira kwa wina ndi mzake— kusonyeza chidwi ndi kugwirizana.	Kutsekedwa, kutsamira kutali kapena kutembenuka, kusonyeza kutalikirana kwamalingaliro.
Kuyanjanitsa	Kuyerekezerana manja ndi mayendedwe mwachibadwa.	Kupanda kalunzanitsidwe; mayendedwe osagwirizana.
Pafupi	Kuyandikira momasuka, kukhala kapena kuyimirira pafupi ndi mnzake.	Mtunda wakuthupi, kukhala kapena kuyimirira patali.
Zizindikiro	Thandizo lothandizira monga kugwedeza kapena kutsimikizira.	Manja onyoza monga kugwedeza kapena kutembenuza diso
Kamvekedwe ka Kuyanjana	Manja osewetsa ngati kugwedeza	Manja mwamphamvu kapena mwaukali ngati kuloza zala

Chilankhulo cha Thupi la Maanja Osasangalala - 15 Ikuwonetsa Ukwati Wanu Siukuyenda

Zizindikiro za banja loyipa sizikhala zoonekeratu komanso zowopsa monga nkhanza, kusakhulupirika, kunyengerera, kapena kuyatsa gasi. Akhozanso kuwonekera muzochita zazing'ono za tsiku ndi tsiku. Pamene mkazi akumva kunyalanyazidwa pachibwenzi kapena mwamuna akayamba kudzimva kuti ali m’chisawawa, kusokonezeka maganizo kumaonekera m’njira imene matupi awo amalumikizana ndi kuyankhana. Zotsatira zake ndi izi 15 zomwe mungathe kuziwona m'mawu am'banja omwe alibe chisangalalo:

1. Kubuula nthawi zonse 

Zizindikiro kuti munthu sakusangalala m'banja Amapezekanso m'mawu awo. Chizindikiro chimodzi chotere ndicho kuusa moyo, chomwe ndi chiwonetsero chakuthupi cha kukhumudwa koponderezedwa ndi kukhumudwa. Zimatuluka momveka ngati wina wakwiya, wakhumudwa, kapena watopa. 

Rachel, katswiri wa zomangamanga wa ku New Jersey, anati: “Ine ndi mwamuna wanga takhala tikukumana ndi mavuto kwa nthawi ndithu, koma ndinadziwa kuti ukwati wathu udzatha pamene ndinayamba kuona zinthu zina zosasangalatsa—ndikamalankhula naye, kumufunsa zinazake, kapena ndikafuna kuti azindisamalira, ankapumira m’mwamba n’kumayang’ana foni yake monyinyirika, kenako n’kuyambanso kusuntha popanda ineyo.”

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2. Kupewa kuyang'ana maso

Popewa kuyang'ana zimagwirizana ndi chilankhulo choyipa chifukwa zikuwonetsa kusafuna kuchita nawo kugwirizana. Zoonadi, pamene nthawi ikupita ndipo mukukhala okhazikika pachibwenzi, simungayang'ane m'maso kwambiri. Koma pamene mukuyesera kulankhula ndi wokondedwa wanu za chinachake ndipo iwo sakuyang'ana pa inu, kapena amapewa dala kuyang'ana maso pa nthawi yapamtima, zimasonyeza kuti akubisa chinachake kapena sakugwirizana ndi inu.  

Kupatula apo, kusayang'anana m'maso kumatha kuwononga ubale wapamtima komanso wapamtima komanso wowona mtima ndi wachikondi pakati pa okondedwa. A phunziro ndi akatswiri a chinenero cha thupi amanena kuti kuyang’ana m’maso mwa munthu kumakupangitsani kukhala wodzutsidwa kwambiri kuposa kuyang’ana munthu amene maso ake samuyang’ana. Mukamapewa kuyang'anana, m'pamenenso mumamverera motalikirana komanso osakhudzana. 

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3. Kukhala kutali ndi wina ndi mzake mwakuthupi

Ukakondana ndi mnzako umafuna kumugwira. Osati kugonana kokha komanso monga njira yopangira ubwenzi wakuthupi mwa kugwira dzanja lawo, kuwadyetsa ntchafu, kapena kuwasisita tsaya. Kukhudza kumayimira kuyandikana mu ubale. Pamene inu kapena mnzanuyo mumayesetsa kupewa kugwirana wina ndi mzake, zimasonyeza kuti mukhoza kukodwa mu a chikondi chakufa. 

Tsopano tiyeni tikambirane za kuwonekera monyanyira kwa matenda a m'banja omwe anamwalira: kunyansidwa ndi wokondedwa. Izi zingachititse kuti mupewe kugonana kapena kusagonana pofuna kusonyeza kusasangalala m’banjamo. Kutalikirana kwakuthupi sikumangowonekera m'malo anu achinsinsi kapena mphindi yapamtima, imatha kuwonekanso m'mawu am'mabanja osasangalala pazithunzi akakhala pampando womwewo koma kutali ndi wina ndi mnzake kapena matupi awo akulozera mbali zosiyanasiyana. 

Tonse tawona momwe thupi la Donald Trump ndi Melania limavutira ngati banja. Pali zochitika zambiri zodziwika bwino pomwe Trump amayesa kugwira manja a Melania, ndipo amakana. Akatswiri a zilankhulo za thupi adasanthula ubale wawo wapagulu nthawi zambiri makamaka pamene swat yake yamanja idakhala kukhudzidwa kwa ma virus. Ngakhale sitikudziwa zonse zomwe zikuchitika, palibe amene akuwoneka wokondwa muubwenzi. 

4. Kusamasuka kukumbatirana 

Chizindikiro chinanso chosonyeza mmene anthu okwatirana omwe sali osangalala amachitira zinthu m'matupi ndi pamene mnzawo atseka zigongono pamene wina akufuna kuwakumbatira kapena kuwakumbatira. Ndi Reddit wosuta amagawana momwe thupi la mnzawo limawathandizira kuzindikira kuti sali okondwa m'banja, ndi akuti, “Kwa zaka zambiri chikondi cha mwamuna wake chikuchepa mpaka pomwe amandikana mwatsatanetsatane kuti ndimugwire komanso mosemphanitsa. Ndikafuna kumukumbatira kapena kumpsompsona, amandikankhira kutali, osati mwachipongwe, akungooneka kuti sakufuna n’komwe chikondi chilichonse kwa ine.”

Izi zingapangitsenso kuti munthu asakhale ndi nkhawa komanso kukulitsa kusakhutira komwe kulipo komanso kusagwirizana. Tikakumbatira munthu, thupi lathu limatulutsa ma endorphin, mankhwala omwe amatithandiza kupsinjika maganizo. Zimabweretsa chisangalalo ndi chisangalalo. Kukumbatirana kumatulutsanso oxytocin, yomwe imadziwika kuti "hormone yachikondi." Pamene chizindikiro chachidule chachikondi chimenechi chikusoŵeka, lingaliro la kusakondwa m’banja limawonekera mowonjezereka, kutsogoza ku mkhalidwe woipa umene umadzidyetsa wokha.

5. Zinsinsi zakunja zimasonyeza kunyoza

Malinga ndi magazini pankhope, mphuno ndi chibwano chokwezeka zimasonyeza mkwiyo, kuipidwa, ndi kunyoza. Maganizo amenewa amagwiritsidwa ntchito kusonyeza maganizo oipa. Maonekedwe a thupi la mwamuna ndi mkazi wosasangalala akusonyeza kudzudzulana ndi kunyozerana. Poganizira kuti awa ndi awiri mwa okwera pamahatchi anayi a mvula yamkuntho, malinga ndi Dr. John Gottman, nsonga yotsekeka ikhoza kukhala chizindikiro chaukwati wosasangalala womwe uli pafupi kutha.   

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6. Kuwoloka manja kumasonyeza kuti mwatsekeredwa kunja

Ngati wokondedwa wanu amawoloka manja nthawi zambiri pafupi nanu, ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro cha matenda a m'banja. Mukakhala m'chikondi ndi munthu, simumawoloka manja nthawi zambiri mukakhala naye. Maonekedwe otseguka ndi chizindikiro cha kukhulupirirana. Komabe, pamene mwamuna ndi mkazi atsekeredwa mu msampha banja losasangalala, si zachilendo kuona mmodzi kapena onse awiri akuwombana, makamaka pa mkangano kapena mkangano. 

Natalie, katswiri wa mapulogalamu a mapulogalamu a pakompyuta wa ku Chicago, anati: “Ndakhala ndikuona kuti mwamuna wanga nthawi zonse amandikumbatira akakhala pafupi nane.” Poyamba tinkangokhalira kukangana koma panopa timangokhalira kukangana. Zinapangitsa kuti kulankhulana kukhale kovuta kwambiri, ndipo ndinali ndi malingaliro oipa akuti ukwati wanga unali pafupi kutha—ndipo zinaterodi.”

7. Kutembenuza diso kumasonyeza kunyoza

Kugwedeza m'maso ndi chilankhulo china chosalankhula cha okwatirana osasangalala, chomwe chimasonyeza kusayanjidwa, kuipidwa, kunyozedwa, ndi kusuliza. Zinthu zonsezi zimawononga ubale. Tsopano, ngati mnzanuyo atembenuza maso awo pa chinachake chimene mumanena, chomwe amachiwona chokhumudwitsa, kamodzi pakapita nthawi, sichingakhale mbendera yofiira. 

Komabe, akamangoyang’ana pa chilichonse chimene mukunena ndi kuchita, amasonyeza kuti sali osangalala m’banja. Malinga ndi kunena kwa katswiri wodziwika bwino wa zamaganizo John Gottman, khalidwe lonyozeka monga kuyang’ana maso, kunyoza, ndi kuchita zinthu mwachipongwe. kutchula dzina ali m'gulu la zinthu zomwe zikulosera kwambiri za chisudzulo.  

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8. Kutsamira kutali kumasonyeza kutalikirana maganizo 

Pamene mukumva kukopeka ndi wina, nthawi zambiri mumakonda kutsamira mbali yawo. Ubwenzi wapamtima umasonyezedwa ndi kuyandikana kwakuthupi. Mnzanu kutsamira kutali ndi mnzake pocheza nawo kapena poonera limodzi filimu ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zosasangalatsa za m’banja, zimene zimaonekera mkazi akamaona kuti akunyalanyazidwa pa chibwenzi kapena mwamuna akuona kuti watsekeredwa m’banja. 

9. Kuluma kapena kuweta milomo kwambiri

Sitikunena za kuluma kwa milomo kwachigololo apa. Kutafuna / kuluma milomo yanu nthawi zambiri kumakhala chizindikiro cha nkhawa, kupsinjika maganizo, komanso kusatsimikizika. Kupyolera mu izi, munthu akuyesera kudziletsa kunena chinachake kapena kuletsa maganizo ake. Chilankhulo cha thupi la maanja osasangalala pazithunzi komanso m'moyo weniweni chimatha kuzindikirika ndi momwe amaluma kapena kunyamula milomo yawo.

Malinga ndi Kusintha Maganizo, “Milomo yolasa ndi chizindikiro chodziwika bwino cha kupsa mtima, kuphatikizapo pamene wautsekereza.” Kumatsekereza pakamwa kuti munthu asanene zimene akufuna kunena.

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 10. Maanja osakondwa achoka mumgwirizano

Liti uli m'chikondi ndi winawake, thupi lanu limagwirizana nawo. Zosiyana nazonso ndi zoona. Pamene kugwirizana pakati pa anthu aŵiri kuzimiririka, iwo angadzipeze kukhala osagwirizana wina ndi mnzake. Chitsanzo chimodzi chosavuta cha matupi a anthu okwatirana omwe sali osangalala ndicho chizolowezi chochoka mu chiyanjano

Tania, katswiri wa za kadyedwe kamene ali m’zaka zake zoyambirira za m’ma 30, anati: “Ine ndi mnzanga tinali ndi kugwirizana kosaneneka kumeneku komwe tinkayenda limodzi, mapazi ndi phazi.” Mwadzidzidzi anayamba kuyenda mofulumira kapena pang’onopang’ono, osayenderana monga momwe tinkachitira poyamba.

 11. Kukhudza kotonthoza kukusowa mu equation

Tiyerekeze kuti mwangogawanapo nkhawa zanu kapena mwakhumudwa ndi zinazake. M’malo mokutonthozani ndi kukutonthozani pogwira dzanja lanu kapena kukusisita msana, mnzanuyo amakhala pamenepo, akumamvetsera mukulankhula. Kukhudza kulikonse kapena mitundu yonse ikathetsedwa, ndipamene mumadziwa kuti ubale wanu watha. Ndi imodzi mwa zizindikiro kuti muli paubwenzi wa mbali imodzi. Ngati munthu m'modzi muubwenzi sakubwezera zoyesayesa zanu, malingaliro anu, ndi chikondi, ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro chowoneka kuti sakufuna kukhala pachibwenzi.

 12. Kumwetulirana

Pali mzere wochepa chabe pakati pa kumwetulira ndi kuseka. Kumwetulira n'koona, pamene kuseketsa ndi khalidwe lonyansa lodzibisa ngati kumwetulira. Mkazi wanu akamakunyodolani nthawi zonse mukanena zinazake, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoti sakusangalala m’banja. Momwemonso, kuyang'ana kwachipongwe kwa mwamuna kumatengedwa kukhala chipongwe chosonyeza kudzikuza, kunyoza, ndi kunyoza. Ikufuula mopanda ulemu. Ndichifukwa chake chinenero cha thupi ndi ntchito yake mu maubwenzi abwino siziyenera kutengedwa mopepuka.

 13. Kukhala wotanganidwa kwambiri

Mukapanda kugwirizana ndi wokondedwa wanu, zimakhala zovuta kuti muzichita nawo m'njira yopindulitsa. Chifukwa cha zimenezi, mungaone kuti maganizo anu akusochera pamene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akulankhula nanu. Kapena kuti amangoyendayenda pa foni yawo pamene mukuyesera kulankhula nawo. Kusatha kulumikizana ndikuchita nawo nthawi zonse sikumakhala nkhani yanthawi zonse, itha kukhalanso malingaliro anu ndi thupi lanu kuti musafune kukopeka ndi chinthu chomwe chimakuvutani kapena chosatetezeka. 

14. Mumasiya kuyang'anana maso

Mirroring ndi khalidwe lodziwikiratu lomwe okondedwa amatengerana momwe amachitira, majeti, kapena mayendedwe, kuwonetsa. kulumikizana kwamaganizidwe ndi mgwirizano. Kafukufuku wa Chartrand ndi Bargh (1999) pa "chameleon effect" akuwonetsa kuti kuyang'ana pagalasi kumakulitsa kulumikizana pakati pa anthu. Kusowa kwake nthawi zambiri kumagwirizana ndi kupsinjika kapena kuchepa kwa maubwenzi. 

Pamene okwatirana sali okondwa, kugwirizanitsa kwachibadwa kumeneku nthawi zambiri kumasowa. Mwachitsanzo, pamene mukuyankhula pa chakudya chamadzulo, ngati mumatsamira kutsogolo ndi manja mwachidwi pamene mukuyankhula, koma mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakhala pansi, wosakhudzidwa kapena wosasunthika, zimasonyeza kusagwirizana ndi kukula kwamaganizo.

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15. Kumwetulira kokakamiza kapena kwabodza

Pamene kumwetulira sikufika m'maso kapena kumawoneka ngati kovuta, kumasonyeza kupsinjika maganizo kapena kusasangalala. Kumwetulira mokakamiza mwa maanja omwe sakusangalala kumatha kubisa kusakhutira kapena kusapeza bwino, kuwonetsa mawonekedwe a mgwirizano mu chiyanjano osati chimwemwe chenicheni. Izi zitha kuwoneka m'mawonekedwe a thupi la maanja osakondwa pazithunzi komanso m'moyo weniweni. 

Mwachitsanzo, pojambula chithunzi, inu kapena mnzanuyo mukhoza kumwetulira kamera koma kumwetulira kumeneko kumawoneka ngati pulasitiki kapena kukakamizidwa ndipo kumasowa mwamsanga mphindi ikadutsa. Kapena mukaonana kumapeto kwa tsiku n’kumwetulirana mwachisawawa m’malo mosonyeza chimwemwe chenicheni, kumasonyeza kupanda chimwemwe muubwenziwo. Pakapita nthawi, kumwetulira kwabodza kumeneku kumatha kuwononga kukhulupilika ndi kukhulupilika pakati pa okondedwa.

Maganizo Final

Kulankhulana pakamwa si njira yokhayo yolankhulirana yomwe imachitika muubwenzi. Muyenera kuwerenga pakati pa mizere kuti muzindikire zomwe zikuchitika, mvetserani chete kwa mnzanuyo, ndikuyang'anitsitsa mawonekedwe a thupi lawo kuti muwone momwe akumvera. Ngati mukuwona zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti wina wanu sakusangalala muubwenzi, ndiye nthawi yoti muwongolere luso lanu loyankhulirana ndikuyesetsa kukonza mgwirizanowo. 

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.