Malangizo 8 Aukatswiri a Momwe Mungalekerere Kunama Paubwenzi

Kunama ndi kofala mu maubwenzi ndi moyo, kawirikawiri. Tonse timanama. Ndi chikhalidwe chamunthu. Ngakhale zili choncho, mungakhale mukuganiza kuti mungasiye bwanji kunama pachibwenzi? Chabwino, pali njira zina. Koma tisanafike ku zimenezo, tiyeni tiyese kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake anthu amanama, zizindikiro za vuto linama, ndi zotsatira za kunama paubwenzi.

Kodi aliyense amanama mu ubale? Mwina, inde. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti maanja amanamizana kasanu pa sabata. Tinene kuti, tonse talankhula mabodza oyera nthawi ina m'miyoyo yathu kuti tisunge mtendere ndi mgwirizano mu ubale wathu. Palibe aliyense wa ife amene anganene kuti anali owona 100% kwa anzathu, ziribe kanthu chifukwa chake. Ndanena izi, uyenera kudziwa nthawi ndi malo oti mudutse pakati pa mabodza oyera opanda vuto ndi ongopeka apo ayi, muli m'mavuto, mzanga.

Tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu waukwati ndi mabanja, za chifukwa chake anthu amanama, kodi kunama kokakamiza n’chiyani, zizindikiro za kusakhulupirika, ndi momwe angasiyire kunama muubwenzi. Analankhulanso za zotsatira ndi zotsatira za kunama muubwenzi komanso momwe chithandizo chingathandizire kuthetsa vutoli.

N'chifukwa Chiyani Anthu Amanama M'mabwenzi?

Chabwino, pali zifukwa zingapo. Nthawi zina, anthu amanama popanda chifukwa. Nthaŵi zina amatero chifukwa chakuti n’kosavuta kunama ndi kuthawa kusiyana ndi kunena zoona. Anthu amanamanso chifukwa cha zofuna zawo kapena kulamulira mmene ena amawaonera. Ena amakonda kubisa chowonadi kupeŵa mikangano.

Gopa akuyankha kuti, “Anthu amanama pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana. Nthawi zambiri, muubwenzi, mwamuna kapena mkazi angafune kuteteza munthuyo kuti asavulale kapena angafune kupewa mkangano waukulu. Anthu ena amanama kuti asangalatse wokondedwa wawo kapena kuti awavomereze pomwe ena amachita zimenezo kuti apewe mikangano yokhazikika ndikusunga mtendere muubwenziwo.”

Mosasamala kanthu za chimene chingakhale chifukwa, munthu sangakane chenicheni chakuti kunama kumawononga maubale. Kukhulupirirana n’kofunika kwambiri paubwenzi wolimba komanso chofunika kwambiri cha munthu. Ukamanamizira pachibwenzi, umathetsa chikhulupiliro chimene wokondedwa wako ali nacho pa iwe. Zitha kuwoneka ngati ukudziteteza, koma zoona zake n’zakuti mukuwononga ubwenzi wanu ndi bwenzi lanu, n’chifukwa chake muyenera kudziwa mmene mungasiye kunama pachibwenzi.

Ngati mukukayikirabe ngati kunama kuli koipa muubwenzi, tiloleni titulutse bowo. Inde, ndi koipa. Zotsatira za kunama muubwenzi zitha kukhala zovulaza. Malinga ndi Gopa, "Ngati mabodza anu achuluka ndi kukula kwake kapena mnzanu atazindikira kuti akunamizidwa, ndiye kuti zingayambitse nkhawa zambiri muubwenzi. Mnzanuyo adzakhala wokayikira chilichonse chomwe mumachita. Kukondana mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo muubwenzi kudzachepa. Khalidwe lawo kwa inu lidzasinthanso kwambiri."

Ndiye, chifukwa chiyani anthu amanama mu maubwenzi? Anthu amakondanso kunama pofuna kuteteza ulemu wawo, kupeŵa manyazi, kapena kuopa kukanidwa kapena kuweruzidwa pa zosankha zawo. Akhoza kuchita mantha kutaya wokondedwa wawo kapena kukumana ndi zotsatira za khalidwe lolakwika. Ngakhale kuti bodza linali ndi cholinga chabwino chotani, likhoza kupweteketsa mnzanuyo akadziwa. Zingawoneke ngati si nkhani poyamba koma, pang'onopang'ono ndi pang'onopang'ono, mabodza amakhala aakulu kwambiri moti amawononga ubale wanu.

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Momwe Mungalekere Kunama Mu Ubwenzi - Malangizo 8 Akatswiri

Kunama ndikofala m'maubwenzi koma muyenera kumvetsetsa chifukwa chomwe mumanama komanso mabodza omwe mumanena. Mwinanso mukulimbana ndi vuto la kunama mokakamiza. Kwa anthu osadziwa, “Kunama mokakamiza ndi khalidwe lozikika m’mitima mwawo, munthu amene akuvutika nalo amakonda kunama pa sitepe iliyonse yaubwenzi ngakhale zitakhala zosafunikira.

“Amapitiriza kunena kuti bodza loipitsitsa kwambiri m’chibwenzi n’kumaganiza kuti si vuto lalikulu.” Nthawi zambiri amayamba ali wamng’ono ndipo ngati palibe zotsatirapo zake, munthuyo amakhala wolimba mtima kupitirizabe khalidweli.” Akhozanso kuyamba kukhulupirira bodza ngati chenicheni,” akufotokoza motero Gopa.

Musanaganize momwe mungasiyire kunama mopitirira muyeso muubwenzi, choyamba muyenera kuvomereza kuti muli ndi vuto ndikuzindikira zizindikiro za kusakhulupirika muubwenzi . Machitidwe awa akhoza kugwira ntchito ngati zizindikiro:

Kunama n’koipa m’banja koma nkhani yabwino ndiyakuti n’zotheka kuthetsa vutolo. Inde, zidzatenga nthawi. Sikusintha kwanthawi yayitali koma sizingatheke ngati mwatsimikiza mtima kusiya khalidwe lotere. Ngati mukulimbana ndi vuto la 'Ndinanama ndikuwononga ubale wanga' ndipo mukufuna kwambiri kukonza vutoli, malangizo 8 awa amomwe mungalekerere kunama pachibwenzi angakuthandizeni:

1. Zindikirani zoyambitsa

Iyi ndi imodzi mwa njira zoyamba zopezera momwe mungasiyire kunama muubwenzi. Gopa akufotokoza kuti, "Kumvetsetsa zomwe zimakupangitsani kunama ndikofunikira. Kenako, mutha kupanga dongosolo lothana ndi vuto lililonse. Zingakhale zokhumudwitsa poyamba chifukwa mudzayenera kuthana ndi kutaya chidaliro ndi kudalirika koma kukhala womasuka komanso wowona mtima ndi mnzanu kudzakuthandizani kwambiri kukonza ubalewo . Kuphatikiza apo, muyenera kukhala omasuka kupepesa kwa mnzanu chifukwa chomunamiza. Yesetsani kukhala wodziteteza kwambiri komanso womasuka kuyankha mafunso olimbikitsa."

Mukapeza kuti mukunama, dzifunseni ngati mukuchita izi chifukwa chodzikonda, kuti mumve bwino, kapena kuteteza wokondedwa wanu kuti asavulale. Yesetsani kumvetsa kaye mmene mukumvera chifukwa mukatero, mudzatha kuzindikira mmene mukumvera kapena zinthu zimene zimakuchititsani kunama. Yesani kukonzekera mayankho anu musanalowe m'malo omwe, mukudziwa, mudzayikidwa pamalopo.

2. Kodi mumanama mabodza otani?

Lingaliro lina la momwe mungasiye kunama pachibwenzi ndikumvetsetsa ndi kuvomereza mtundu kapena mtundu wa mabodza omwe mumanena, akutero Gopa. Iye anati: “Nthaŵi zina kunama kumatha kukhala chizoloŵezi chozikika m’mitima mwathu.” Lingakhalenso bodza laling’ono koma lodyetsedwa kwa munthu wosalakwa kwa zaka zambiri mpaka litakhala lalikulu kwambiri moti silingathe kuchita nalo.” Mwachitsanzo, munthu wina amene ankafuna chithandizo changa ananena kuti anama ndi amene ankakhala naye chifukwa chakuti mnzakeyo ankamumvera chisoni ponena kuti wachibale wina ali ndi khansa mpaka atazindikira kuti wabodza.”

Pali mabodza amitundumitundu omwe anthu amatengera paubwenzi - mabodza oyera, kunyalanyaza mfundo, kukokomeza, kapena bodza lathunthu. Kuchepetsa kudzakuthandizani kumvetsetsa bwino zifukwa zonama. M’pofunika kudziŵa vutolo musanaone mmene mungalithetsere.

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3. Dziikireni malire anu ndi kuwatsatira

Gopa akuvomereza kuti, “Dziikireni malire aumwini, tsimikizani kukhala woona mtima monga momwe mungakhalire, ndi kumamatira ku zenizeni. Ndichizoloŵezi chotero mudzayenera kulingalira mosamalitsa ndi mosalekeza musanayankhe ndi kukhala wokonzeka kudziwongolera nokha ngati bodza latulukira.

Ndizovuta kudzipangira malire, chifukwa chake mungamve kufunikira konama. Koma ubale wanu ndi inuyo ndiwofunika kwambiri. Kunama kosalekeza kumeneko pamapeto pake kudzakuwonongani m'thupi komanso m'maganizo. Timamvetsetsa kuti n'zovuta kunena kuti ayi kapena kuyang'anizana ndi zotsatira za kusokoneza koma njira yokhayo yothetsera chizolowezicho ndikudzilankhulira nokha ndi kunena zomwe mukumva, osati zomwe mnzanu akufuna kumva.

4. Ganizirani zotsatira zake

Malinga ndi Gopa, uphungu wofunikira wa momwe mungalekerere bodza pachibwenzi ndi kuunika zotsatira za kulankhula zoona komanso kunama. Kodi chotsatira choipitsitsa chingakhale chiyani ngati mwaganiza zolankhula zoona kapena chimachitika ndi chiyani ngati mwapezeka mukunama pachibwenzi? Yesani ubwino ndi kuipa kwake.

Sankhani kuyang'anizana ndi vutoli molunjika m'malo monama kuti mupewe zotsatira zake. Palinso kuthekera kwakukulu kuti zotsatira zake sizoyipa monga momwe mukuganizira. Kumbali ina, zotsatira za kunama pachibwenzi zimakula pakapita nthawi ndipo zimatha kusokoneza mgwirizano wanu ndi mnzanu.

Gopa akufotokoza kuti, “Ngati mwagwidwa mukunama, mnzanu sadzasiya kukukhulupirirani kokha komanso sadzakusonyezani chifundo chochepa. Adzafunafuna umboni, adzafufuza zambiri kapena kulankhula ndi anzanu ndi abale kuti adziwe ngati mukunena zoona. Adzayamba kudzipatula kwa inu, kugawana zambiri zochepa zokhudza iwowo komanso zachuma zawo ndi nkhani za m’banja. Kusintha kwa maganizo kumeneku kudzapangitsa kuti ubalewo ukhale wovuta ndipo kungayambitse mikangano ndi mikangano.”

5. Kodi mungasiye bwanji kunama muubwenzi? Yesetsani kusalungamitsa bodza lanu

Nthawi zina, anthu amanama popanda chifukwa, komabe amayesa kudzilungamitsa podziuza kuti adachita zimenezo kuti asakhumudwitse wokondedwa wawo. Koma zoona zake n’zakuti kunama sikungowononga ubwenzi umene mumagawana ndi okondedwa wanu komanso ubale umene mumagawana nawo. Bodza loyera lingaoneke ngati lopanda vuto mu maubwenzi kapena kuyanjana koma, ngati lisinthidwa kukhala chizolowezi, likhoza kukhala ndi zotsatira zokhalitsa.

Vomerezani vutolo koma musayese kulungamitsa ponena kuti mumayesa kupewa mikangano kapena kuteteza wokondedwa wanu kuti asakhumudwe. M’malo mwake, bwanji osapeza njira yopezera zomwezo mwa kuuza mnzanu chowonadi? Osatsimikizira bodza chifukwa mumaopa kukumana ndi zotsatira za kulankhula zoona.

6. Lankhulani ndi katswiri

Mukuganizabe momwe mungasiyire kunama muubwenzi ? Kodi zimakuvutani kudziletsa kunama ngakhale mutayesetsa bwanji? Ngati mukuvutikabe, Gopa akukulangizani kuti mukafunse katswiri wa zamaganizo. Ngati zayamba kusokoneza ubale wanu ndi moyo wanu, ndibwino kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri ndikugwira ntchito yokonza vutoli.

Iye akuti, "Ngati munthu akufuna kukhala womasuka komanso wowona mtima, ndiye kuti zimathandiza kuti alankhule ndi dokotala. Chithandizo chimapereka malo opanda malire komanso osatsutsika kwa omwe akukhudzidwa, kumene angakhale enieni ndi kulandira kuvomerezedwa ndi wothandizira. Ichi ndi chochita champhamvu ndipo chimapatsa wolandira chithandizo chidziwitso cha zomwe ubale wowona mtima umaphatikizapo komanso momwe angalemeretse momwe angachitire kuti athetseretu tsogolo lawo. maubale.”

Chithandizo chingathandize kusiya bodza lokakamiza paubwenzi. Ngakhale simuli wabodza wokakamiza, chithandizo chingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi vuto labodza popereka chithandizo ndikukuthandizani kufufuza chomwe chimayambitsa khalidwe lotere. Wothandizira angakuthandizeni kupeza njira zothetsera ndi kukonza maubwenzi anu. Ngati muli mumkhalidwe womwewo, mutha kulumikizana ndi gulu la Bonobology la akatswiri odziwa bwino komanso ovomerezeka kuti akuthandizeni.

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7. Mvetserani chifukwa chake kunama kosalekeza

Mukunama bwanji? Kodi mukuyesera kubisa chinachake? Mukuchita mantha kunena zoona? Kuti mudziwe momwe mungasiye kunama pachibwenzi, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake mabodzawo. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mukulakwitsa chinachake, mungayese kubisa ponama. Anthu amanamanso kuti anyengerera ena chifukwa cha zolinga zawo zadyera, kudzipindulitsa, kapena ngati samasuka kuuza ena za iwo eni.

N'zovuta kuletsa kunama mokakamiza chifukwa anthu otere amakonda kukhulupirira mabodza awo. Popanda kusamala kwambiri, mwina munanamiza mnzanu kuti mwakumana ndi wakale wanu kuti mupewe ndewu kapena, mwina, munakokomeza za zomwe mwakwanitsa pantchito chifukwa mukuona kuti simuli opambana ngati mnzanuyo, ndipo angakutsutseni kapena kukusekani chifukwa cha zimenezo. Ndi chizindikiro cha mtundu wa ubale womwe muli nawo. Okwatirana amakonda kunama kuti adziteteze ngati ali pachibwenzi chozunza. Muyenera kuzindikira chifukwa cha vutoli kuti mukonze.

8. Yesetsani kunena zoona tsiku lililonse

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri kukumbukira ngati mukuyesera kupeza njira yosiya kunama muubwenzi. Kusintha chizolowezi n'kovuta, ndichifukwa chake Gopa akulangiza kuti muchite zimenezo tsiku ndi tsiku. Iye akuti, “Yesetsani kunena zoona tsiku ndi tsiku. Musadzivutitse kwambiri. Lonjezani kuti mudzakhala omasuka komanso oona mtima kwa inu nokha ndi okondedwa anu. Zidzakuthandizani kuti musamadzimve manyazi komanso kupanga zisankho zabwino pa moyo wanu.”

Kunena zowona kungawoneke ngati chinthu chovuta kwambiri kuchita koma kudziwa kuti mwazindikira kuwononga komwe kukubweretserani inu ndi ubale wanu ndi sitepe imodzi patsogolo munjira yoyenera. Kunama n’koipa muubwenzi. Zimangobweretsa mavuto kwa onse okhudzidwa. Mfundo yakuti mumazindikira kuti muyenera kusiya bodza mokakamiza muubwenzi ndi theka la nkhondo yomwe yapambana.

Ubwenzi umakhazikika pa chikondi, ulemu, ndi kukhulupirirana. Yesetsani kudziyika nokha mu nsapato za mnzanu. Kodi mungamve bwanji ngati nthawi zonse mumanama? Si kumverera kwabwino, sichoncho? Ganizirani izi kwa kamphindi ndipo pangani chisankho chanzeru chomamatira ku chowonadi. Zidzatengera khama lalikulu koma ngati mukufunadi kusintha chizolowezi chanu, khalani okhazikika ndipo musalole chilichonse kukugwetseni.

Kumbukirani kudzichitira chifundo. Roma sinamangidwe tsiku limodzi. Mofananamo, kusintha sikudzachitika mwadzidzidzi. Muyenera kudzigwira ntchito nthawi zonse ndikupeza njira zina m'malo mwa kunama. Dziwani kuti n'zotheka kuswa ndi kukonza machitidwe oopsa muubwenzi . Sizidzakhala zophweka koma khalani okhulupirika kwa inu nokha ndi cholinga chanu ndipo zonse zidzakhala zoyenera pamapeto pake.

Ibibazo

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.