Makhalidwe Osauka-Aggressive Paubwenzi: Zizindikiro & Zitsanzo

Tonse takhala tikukodwa mumkhalidwe waukali wa munthu pa nthawi ina. Koma kwa ine, khalidwe lachiwembu lachibwenzi linakhala mutu wobwerezabwereza pamene unakhazikika m'chikondi changa chakale. Panthaŵiyo sindinkadziŵa kuti zizindikiro zosaoneka bwino ndi mawu obisala osonyeza kusakhutira, zingachititse kuti pakhale kusagwirizana komwe kunkachitika patapita nthaŵi yaitali ubwenziwo utatha.

Mtsikana wanga wakale anali katswiri wa njira yovuta yolankhulirana iyi, mwaluso amafotokozera kusakhutira kwake m'macheza wamba. Zinali ngati kuti mpweya unali wandiweyani ndi madandaulo osayankhulidwa, ataphimbidwa kuseri kwa nkhope ya kumwetulira kwabodza ndi kuvomereza konyenga. Apa m'pamene ndinazindikira kuti khalidwe lachibwanabwana lingathe kusokoneza ngakhale maubwenzi omwe amawoneka kuti ndi ogwirizana.

Mothandizidwa Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), amene amagwira ntchito yopatukana ndi uphungu wa chisudzulo, tiyeni tiyese kumvetsetsa mmene khalidwe losadziletsa m’maubwenzi lingawonekere kotero kuti musamalize molakwika kumanga chakukhosi chifukwa chokwiyitsidwa kwakanthaŵi. 

Kodi Passive Aggressive Behavior Mu Ubale Ndi Chiyani?

Khalidwe losasunthika mu maubwenzi limakhala ngati kusokoneza mwakachetechete, kufooketsa maziko a mgwirizano wanu. Kutanthauzidwa ndi mawu ake osonyeza chidani kapena kusakhutira, njira yolankhulirana imeneyi kaŵirikaŵiri imasiya onse aŵiriwo ali muukonde wa mikangano yosaneneka. Kuzindikira khalidwe lachibwanabwana ndilofunika kwambiri kuti mulimbikitse maubale abwino, chifukwa kulephera kwake kungayambitse chisokonezo ndi kupsinjika maganizo. Pakufufuza uku, tikufufuza mikhalidwe yofunika kwambiri ya khalidwe lachibwanabwana:

• Zotsutsa zobisika: Mawu achipongwe ndi achipongwe obisika amakhala njira yofala yosonyezera kusavomereza, monga njira yopewera mikangano. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazitsanzo zachiwonetsero chamwano mu maubwenzi
• Chithandizo chachete: Kuchepa kwa kulumikizana ndi chikondi, kuchitira chete imagwira ntchito ngati chisonyezero chobisika koma champhamvu cha kusakhutira, chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofala kwambiri zochitira nkhanza
• Kuzengereza ndi kuwononga: Kuchedwetsa mwadala ndi kugwetsa maudindo omwe amagawana nawo kumapereka kukhumudwa kwakukulu mwa anthu omwe amangokhalira nkhanza.
• Kukana zomverera: M'malo mofotokoza mkwiyo wake poyera, mnzanu wochita zachiwawa angachepetse kapena kukana malingaliro awo enieni monga njira yopewera kuvulaza.
• Manja osalankhula: M'njira zosunthika izi, zopindika m'maso, kuusa moyo, ndi mawu ena osalankhula amalankhulana mosalunjika popanda mawu achindunji.
• Mayamiko ammbuyo: Mawu abwino okhala ndi kusagwirizana, zomwe zimasiya wolandirayo kukhala wosamasuka, ndizofunikira kwambiri pamakhalidwe a mwamuna kapena mkazi wankhanza.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kumvetsetsa, Kuzindikiritsa ndi Kuthana ndi Kusamvana kwa Banja

Shazia akufotokoza mmene anthu aŵiri angatengere khalidwe laukali paubwenzi pofuna kupewa mikangano. “Anthu amachita zinthu mwaukali chifukwa choopa mikangano komanso a kusowa kuzindikira kwamalingaliro. Anthu amenewo sangadziŵe mmene angalankhulire mkwiyo wawo kapena mmene angausonyezere moyenerera. 

“N’kutheka kuti safuna kuchita zinthu zazikulu pa chinthu chinachake, kapena amangoopa kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo angawachitire chiyani.” Chotsatira chake n’chakuti, chifukwa chimene amakwiyiracho sichikambidwa, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa mikangano, mpaka kufika poipa kwambiri.”

Kuti muwone zizindikiro izi, muyenera kudziwa bwino za momwe zimakhalira mu ubale wanu wapamtima. M'tsogolomu, tikuunikiranso zakuya za khalidwe lachiwembu mu maubwenzi achikondi ndikupereka njira zolimbikitsira kumvetsetsa ndi kuthetsa vuto ndi wokondedwa wanu. Ndi iko komwe, kumvetsetsa magwero a chiwawa chongokhala ndi sitepe yoyamba yomangira maziko okhulupirirana ndi kulankhulana momasuka m’chomangira chachikondi.

Kodi Zizindikiro Zamkhalidwe Wopanda Mtima Ndi Chiyani?

Khalidwe lachiwembu m'maubwenzi nthawi zambiri limawonekera ngati njira yobisika komanso yosalunjika yowonetsera kusakhutira, zomwe zimasiya onse awiri akulimbana ndi kukangana kosaneneka. Apa, tikuwunika zizindikiro zowoneka bwino zamakhalidwe ochita nkhanza:

1. “Kuiwala” ndi cholinga choti tichite zinazake 

Nkhanza zopanda pake m’maukwati kapena maubwenzi zingaphatikizepo mwamuna kapena mkazi wokhumudwayo kuvomera kuchitira mnzake zinazake, koma pamene nthaŵi yochitira zimenezo ifika, amasonyeza kunyansidwa kwawo mwa “kuyiwala” kumaliza ntchitoyo kapena kuyembekezera mpaka mphindi yomaliza. "Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zachisangalalo chopanda chiwawa mu maubwenzi omwe amapitilizidwa ngati mgwirizano kuyesa kuvulaza munthu ndipo amatero akudziwa bwino kuti akufuna kukhumudwitsa mnzawo. Ndikofunika kuzindikira kuti munthu angakhale wayiwala kuchita chinachake. Kukakhala chizindikiro cha kulankhulana mwamakani, nthawi zambiri umaona pamodzi ndi zizindikiro zina,” akutero Shazia.

Malinga ndi mmodzi phunziro Ponena za anthu osachita zaukali, “Khalidwe la anthu ambiri osachita zaukali limakhala lokhala ndi cholinga komanso lofuna kuchita zinthu mwadala.” Komanso, munthu wosachita zinthu mwaukali amapeza chisangalalo chenicheni chifukwa chokhumudwitsa ena kuti achite zinthu mwaukali.

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2. Akachita chinthu amachichita mopanda phindu komanso mosakwanira 

Tiyerekeze kuti mwapempha mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuti aone ngati pali nthawi yoti mukakumane ndi munthu wofunika kwambiri ndipo akusungireni bukulo. Kuti asonyeze chidani chawo, iwo angangoyimbira malowo, ndikufunsani za kupezeka, koma ndikufunseni kuti mukonzekere nthawi yanu nokha, ndikunena kuti, "Chifukwa chiyani ndiyenera kukuchitirani zimenezo?"

"Ichi ndi chikhalidwe cha maubwenzi osasamala" m'njira zotsatirazi, malinga ndi Shazia:

• Zimawonetsa kusauka luso lothetsera mikangano pamene wina atenga udindo, koma amangomaliza pakati chifukwa "sanamve ngati" kumaliza
• Amayambitsa mavuto ambiri kuposa ngati akanapanda kunyamula udindowo poyamba
• Komanso, ndi kuyesa koonekeratu kuti adani awo awonekere

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo Anzeru Othetsera Mikangano Paubwenzi

3. Kusalankhulana ndi chizindikiro chamwano chabe

Shazia anafotokoza kuti: “Mnzawo akamatila mnzake mwala, amayesa kuonetsa mkwiyo wake mosalunjika m'malo moufotokoza kapena kuulula mmene akumvelela. Amanena kuti izi zimachitika chifukwa cha:

• Kuopa kukangana, pomwe mnzanuyo sangakhale wokonzeka kukambirana za vutolo chifukwa akuda nkhawa ndi yankho lomwe angalandire.
• Posakhala okonzeka kusiya mkwiyo, kotero amawuwonetsera miyala. Ichi ndiye chizindikiro chodziwika bwino cha nkhanza zongolankhula

4. Kusanena zoona za mmene akumvera

Kuopa kukangana kumapangitsa kuti munthu wankhanza asavomereze malingaliro awo. Choncho savomereza akakhumudwa ndi mnzawoyo. Miyandamiyanda ya "Chavuta n'chiyani?" angafunsidwe, kungokumana ndi miliyoni imodzi "Palibe chilichonse. N'chifukwa chiyani mumasamalabe?" Ndikulankhula mwamakani ngati uku komwe kumawononga ubale kwambiri. Izi mosalekeza kusowa kuyankhulana amayenera kuyambitsa mavuto muzochitika zilizonse chifukwa mmodzi mwa awiriwo (kapena onse awiri) sadziwa momwe angachitire ndi kuwonetsa mkwiyo wawo.

M'buku la Scott Wetzler lonena za kuzungulira kwa munthu wankhanza, Kukhala Ndi Munthu Wosautsa Waukali, iye anati: “Pa maubwenzi, amuna ochita zaukali ameneŵa amatsutsa zofuna ndi malingaliro a mkazi. Izi zimakhala zoona mosasamala kanthu za jenda.

5. Kutopa muubwenzi

Zikuwonekeratu kuti ngati munthu waukali asankha kuchita nkhanza ndi wokondedwa wawo mwanjira ina (yowerengera mosadukiza), izi zitha kuyambitsa zovuta muubwenzi m'kupita kwanthawi. Shazia akuwonetsa zomwe izi zitha kukhala:

• Munthu amene ali ndi bwenzi lochita zachiwawa akhoza kuyamba kumverera kutopa muubwenzi
• Zotsatira zake, kusagwirizana kwamalingaliro kumachitika
• Zinthu zotere muubwenzi zimagwirizana, ndipo zimatha kukhetsa magazi kuzinthu zina monga ulemu. Chifukwa cha kulankhulana mosalekeza, iwo sangauzane mmene akumvera ndipo angayambe kusalemekezana.
• Kukhulupirirana kungabwerenso, ndipo zonsezi ndi zotsatira za 'kubwezera' m'modzi yemwe akufuna kufunafuna mnzake.

Pamene tikuvumbulutsa zovuta zobisika za khalidwe laukali mu maubwenzi, zimakhala zoonekeratu kuti mawu obisalawa angayambitse kusakhutira pakati pa okwatirana. Kuzindikira zizindikiro monga kutsutsa kobisika, mayamiko ammbuyo, ndipo kuiwala mwadala n'kofunika kwambiri pochotsa zolepheretsa kulankhulana bwino ndi wokondedwa wanu. Kumvetsetsa zamwano wongokhala kungakuthandizeni kuthana ndi zovuta zakuya muubwenzi wanu ndikupanga kulumikizana kowonekera bwino.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Negging ndi chiyani: Tanthauzo, Zizindikiro, ndi Momwe Mungayankhire

Tsopano, tipenda zochitika zinazake, zowunikira zochitika zenizeni zomwe zikuwonetsa kukhudzika kwa kungokhala chete mwaubwenzi ndi momwe zingayendetsedwe mkati mwa moyo wanu wachikondi.

Kodi Chitsanzo cha Makhalidwe Osamvera Ndi Chiyani?

Khalidwe lachiwembu laubwenzi, monga momwe mwawonera pano, likhoza kuwononga ubale wabwino. Kungoti chifukwa chakulephera kwa m'modzi kapena onse awiri kuti amve zakukhosi kwawo ndikukambirana za iwo. Ichi ndichifukwa chake kulumikizana kwabwino komanso kothandiza (kopanda zoneneza) kuli lamulo loyamba la kuthetsa kusamvana mu maubwenzi.

Koma ngati mnzanu kapena mnzanu sakufuna kutsata zomwezo, ndikofunikira kuwona zizindikiro zomwe tazilemba pamwambapa. Tiyeni tiwone zitsanzo zamwano mu maubwenzi, monga momwe Shazia anafotokozera:

• Munthu waukali angagwiritse ntchito machenjerero ambiri kuti adziwitse zachiwawa zake. Akhoza kuchita nthabwala zonyoza, nthawi zambiri zamwano, zonyoza mnzawo
• Mnzake wongokhalira kuchita zinthu mwaukali angalephere dala ntchito zina kapena kuzengereza mwadala kuzipeza.
• Anganyalanyaze kulankhulana kulikonse ndi kupewa mtundu uliwonse wa chikondi
• Kufuna kwawo kubwezera pazochitika za tsiku ndi tsiku sikukhala kobisika
• Mutha kuwona zosayenera kapena zoyipa thupi, monga kutembenuza maso, kuseka kwabodza/kokakamiza, kapena kuusa moyo mopambanitsa
• Alinso ndi njira zongolimbana ndi mikangano

Kumvetsetsa tanthauzo la kukhala wosakhazikika muubwenzi kungakuthandizeni kudziwa chifukwa chomwe inu (kapena mnzanu) mumachitira ndi mkwiyo momwe mumachitira. Zotsatira zoyipa za mchitidwe wotere zisanawononge ubale wanu, tikukhulupirira kuti mutha kuwona zizindikiro zamwano ndikuchotsa chizolowezichi.

Kodi Makhalidwe Osasangalatsa Amakhudza Bwanji Maubwenzi?

Mkhalidwe wobisika wa khalidwe lachiwembu mu maubwenzi lingapangitse mthunzi pa maziko a kukhulupirirana ndi kulankhulana. Kusakhutira kwake kosawoneka bwino komanso kosalunjika kungathe kusokoneza ubale. Kudziwa momwe khalidwe lachiwembu limatikhudzira ndikofunikira kuti tithane ndi zovuta zisanakule. Tiyeni tiwone momwe kukhala m'maubwenzi ongokhala chete kumakhudzira anthu:

• Kuwonongeka kwa kulumikizana: Khalidwe laukali nthawi zambiri limalepheretsa kulankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima, zomwe zimachititsa kuti pasakhale kusinthana maganizo ndi maganizo.
• Kuchepetsa chikhulupiriro: Mchitidwe wosalunjika wa zinthu zongochita mwaukali ungapangitse m'malo osakhulupirirana, chifukwa mabwenzi angavutike kuti amvetsetse zenizeni zomwe zimayambitsa kusakhutira.
• Mtunda wamalingaliro: Zotsutsa zophimbidwa ndi mankhwala osalankhula Zimathandizira kuti pakhale kutalikirana kwamalingaliro m'maubwenzi osakhazikika, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kudzipatula pakati pa okondedwa omwe angamve kuti sangathe kufotokoza momasuka
• Kuchuluka kwa mikangano: Khalidwe losayankhidwa lochita zinthu mwaukali likhoza kukulitsa nkhani zazing'ono kukhala mikangano ikuluikulu
• Zotsatira zoyipa paubwenzi: Ubwenzi ndi ubale zitha kuvutikira pamene okondedwa akulimbana ndi kugwa kwamalingaliro kwa zochita zamwano, zomwe zimatsogolera ku mgwirizano wachikondi wovuta komanso wosakwaniritsa.
• Zotsatira paumoyo wamaganizidwe: Kungokhalira kuchita zinthu mwaukali nthawi zonse kungayambitse kupsinjika, nkhawa, ndi zovuta zina zamaganizo kwa onse awiri, zomwe zimakhudza moyo wawo wonse.
• Kuthetsa zovuta: Kuyankhulana mopanda tsankho kumapangitsa kukhala kovuta kuthana ndi kuthetsa mavuto, kupititsa patsogolo mikangano yosathetsedwa.

Tsopano mukudziwa zotsatira za kungokhala chete. Pozindikira kukhudzidwa kwakukulu, okondedwa atha kugwirira ntchito limodzi kuti athane ndi khalidwe lopanda chiwawa mu maubwenzi, kulimbikitsa kulankhulana momasuka, kulimbitsanso chikhulupiriro, ndi kukhazikitsa malo abwino okondana komanso kumvetsetsana.

Ngati mukuvutika kuthana ndi machitidwe osasamala mu maubwenzi, Bonobology's gulu la akatswiri odziwa zachipatala ingakuthandizeni kuyendamo.

Ibibazo

12 Makhalidwe A Banja Lopambana

Njira 9 Zothetsera Mikangano M'mabanja Osakanikirana

Kukhala Muukwati Wosokonekera Ndi Kusamvana M'banja

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