Makhalidwe Osauka-Aggressive Paubwenzi: Zizindikiro & Zitsanzo

Tonse takhala tikukodwa mumkhalidwe waukali wa munthu pa nthawi ina. Koma kwa ine, khalidwe lachiwembu lachibwenzi linakhala mutu wobwerezabwereza pamene unakhazikika m'chikondi changa chakale. Panthaŵiyo sindinkadziŵa kuti zizindikiro zosaoneka bwino ndi mawu obisala osonyeza kusakhutira, zingachititse kuti pakhale kusagwirizana komwe kunkachitika patapita nthaŵi yaitali ubwenziwo utatha.

Mtsikana wanga wakale anali katswiri wa njira yovuta yolankhulirana iyi, mwaluso amafotokozera kusakhutira kwake m'macheza wamba. Zinali ngati kuti mpweya unali wandiweyani ndi madandaulo osayankhulidwa, ataphimbidwa kuseri kwa nkhope ya kumwetulira kwabodza ndi kuvomereza konyenga. Apa m'pamene ndinazindikira kuti khalidwe lachibwanabwana lingathe kusokoneza ngakhale maubwenzi omwe amawoneka kuti ndi ogwirizana.

Mothandizidwa ndi Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani ya kulekana ndi kusudzulana, tiyeni tiyese kumvetsetsa momwe khalidwe lopanda nkhanza m'maubwenzi lingawonekere kuti musamalingalire molakwika zomwe zimapangitsa mkwiyo wa kanthawi kochepa.

Kodi Passive Aggressive Behavior Mu Ubale Ndi Chiyani?

Khalidwe lochita zinthu mopanda nkhanza muubwenzi limakhala ngati chosokoneza chachete, ndikuwononga mwachisawawa maziko a mgwirizano wanu. Mofotokozedwa ndi kuwonetsa kwake mwachisawawa udani kapena kusakhutira, njira iyi yolankhulirana nthawi zambiri imasiya okwatirana onse awiri akuvutika ndi mikangano yosanenedwa. Kuzindikira khalidwe lochita zinthu mopanda nkhanza ndikofunikira kwambiri pakulimbikitsa ubale wabwino , chifukwa chikhalidwe chake chosavuta kungayambitse chisokonezo ndi kupsinjika maganizo. Mu kafukufukuyu, tikuyang'ana kwambiri makhalidwe ofunikira a khalidwe lochita zinthu mopanda nkhanza muubwenzi wachikondi:

• Zotsutsa zobisika: Mawu achipongwe ndi achipongwe obisika amakhala njira yofala yosonyezera kusavomereza, monga njira yopewera mikangano. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazitsanzo zachiwonetsero chamwano mu maubwenzi
• Chithandizo chachete: Kuchepa kwa kulumikizana ndi chikondi, kuchitira chete imagwira ntchito ngati chisonyezero chobisika koma champhamvu cha kusakhutira, chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofala kwambiri zochitira nkhanza
• Kuzengereza ndi kuwononga: Kuchedwetsa mwadala ndi kugwetsa maudindo omwe amagawana nawo kumapereka kukhumudwa kwakukulu mwa anthu omwe amangokhalira nkhanza.
• Kukana zomverera: M'malo mofotokoza mkwiyo wake poyera, mnzanu wochita zachiwawa angachepetse kapena kukana malingaliro awo enieni monga njira yopewera kuvulaza.
• Manja osalankhula: M'njira zosunthika izi, zopindika m'maso, kuusa moyo, ndi mawu ena osalankhula amalankhulana mosalunjika popanda mawu achindunji.
• Mayamiko ammbuyo: Mawu abwino okhala ndi kusagwirizana, zomwe zimasiya wolandirayo kukhala wosamasuka, ndizofunikira kwambiri pamakhalidwe a mwamuna kapena mkazi wankhanza.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kumvetsetsa, Kuzindikira, ndi Kuthana ndi Mikangano ya M'banja

Shazia akufotokoza momwe anthu awiri angatsatire khalidwe lochita zinthu mopanda nkhanza muubwenzi wawo ngati njira yopewera mikangano. “Anthu amachita zinthu mopanda nkhanza chifukwa choopa mikangano komanso kusadziwa bwino za malingaliro awo . Anthu amenewo sangadziwe momwe angachitire ndi mkwiyo wawo kapena momwe angausonyezere moyenera.

“N’kutheka kuti safuna kuchita zinthu zazikulu pa chinthu chinachake, kapena amangoopa kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo angawachitire chiyani.” Chotsatira chake n’chakuti, chifukwa chimene amakwiyiracho sichikambidwa, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa mikangano, mpaka kufika poipa kwambiri.”

Kuti muwone zizindikiro izi, muyenera kudziwa bwino za momwe zimakhalira mu ubale wanu wapamtima. M'tsogolomu, tikuunikiranso zakuya za khalidwe lachiwembu mu maubwenzi achikondi ndikupereka njira zolimbikitsira kumvetsetsa ndi kuthetsa vuto ndi wokondedwa wanu. Ndi iko komwe, kumvetsetsa magwero a chiwawa chongokhala ndi sitepe yoyamba yomangira maziko okhulupirirana ndi kulankhulana momasuka m’chomangira chachikondi.

Kodi Zizindikiro Zamkhalidwe Wopanda Mtima Ndi Chiyani?

Khalidwe lachiwembu m'maubwenzi nthawi zambiri limawonekera ngati njira yobisika komanso yosalunjika yowonetsera kusakhutira, zomwe zimasiya onse awiri akulimbana ndi kukangana kosaneneka. Apa, tikuwunika zizindikiro zowoneka bwino zamakhalidwe ochita nkhanza:

1. “Kuiwala” ndi cholinga choti tichite zinazake 

Kuukira kosachitapo kanthu m'mabanja kapena maubwenzi kungaphatikizepo mwamuna kapena mkazi wokhumudwa kuvomereza kuchitira wina kanthu, koma nthawi yochita zimenezo ikafika, amasonyeza kusakonda kwawo mwa "kuiwala" kumaliza ntchitoyo kapena kudikira mpaka mphindi yomaliza. "Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zakale za nkhanza zosachitapo kanthu m'maubwenzi omwe amapitirizidwa ngati kuyesa kuvulaza wina ndipo amatero podziwa bwino kuti akufuna kukhumudwitsa wokondedwa wawo. Ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti munthu akhoza kuiwaladi kuchita chinachake. Ngati ndi chizindikiro cha kulankhulana kosachitapo kanthu, nthawi zambiri mumachiwona pamodzi ndi zizindikiro zina," akutero Shazia.

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wina wokhudza anthu okonda kuchita zinthu mopupuluma, “Khalidwe la anthu ambiri okonda kuchita zinthu mopupuluma limakhala ndi cholinga komanso cholinga. Komanso, munthu wokonda kuchita zinthu mopupuluma amapeza chisangalalo chenicheni akamakhumudwitsa ena kuti wina achite zinthu mopupuluma.”

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira yabwino yothanirana ndi mwamuna amene sagwira ntchito zapakhomo

2. Akachita chinthu amachichita mopanda phindu komanso mosakwanira 

Tiyerekeze kuti mwapempha mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuti aone ngati pali nthawi yoti mukakumane ndi munthu wofunika kwambiri ndipo akusungireni bukulo. Kuti asonyeze chidani chawo, iwo angangoyimbira malowo, ndikufunsani za kupezeka, koma ndikufunseni kuti mukonzekere nthawi yanu nokha, ndikunena kuti, "Chifukwa chiyani ndiyenera kukuchitirani zimenezo?"

"Ichi ndi chikhalidwe cha maubwenzi osasamala" m'njira zotsatirazi, malinga ndi Shazia:

• Zimawonetsa kusauka luso lothetsera mikangano pamene wina atenga udindo, koma amangomaliza pakati chifukwa "sanamve ngati" kumaliza
• Amayambitsa mavuto ambiri kuposa ngati akanapanda kunyamula udindowo poyamba
• Komanso, ndi kuyesa koonekeratu kuti adani awo awonekere

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo Anzeru Othetsera Mikangano Mu Ubwenzi

3. Kusalankhulana ndi chizindikiro chamwano chabe

Shazia anafotokoza kuti: “Mnzawo akamatila mnzake mwala, amayesa kuonetsa mkwiyo wake mosalunjika m'malo moufotokoza kapena kuulula mmene akumvelela. Amanena kuti izi zimachitika chifukwa cha:

• Kuopa kukangana, pomwe mnzanuyo sangakhale wokonzeka kukambirana za vutolo chifukwa akuda nkhawa ndi yankho lomwe angalandire.
• Posakhala okonzeka kusiya mkwiyo, kotero amawuwonetsera miyala. Ichi ndiye chizindikiro chodziwika bwino cha nkhanza zongolankhula

4. Kusanena zoona za mmene akumvera

Kuopa mikangano kumapangitsa kuti munthu woipa asavomereze malingaliro ake. Choncho savomereza akakwiya ndi mnzawo. Nthawi zambiri anthu amafunsa kuti “Chavuta n’chiyani?” koma anthu ambiri amafunsa kuti “Palibe chomwe chikukuvutitsani. N’chifukwa chiyani mukusamala?” Kulankhulana mwankhanza ngati kumeneku ndiko kumawononga kwambiri maubwenzi. Kusalankhulana kosalekeza kumeneku kungayambitse mavuto chifukwa chakuti m’modzi mwa awiriwa (kapena onse awiri) sadziwa momwe angachitire ndi kusonyeza mkwiyo wawo.

M'buku la Scott Wetzler lonena za kuzungulira kwa mwamuna wosachita zachiwawa, Living With The Passive Aggressive Man , iye anati, "Mu maubwenzi, amuna osachita zachiwawa awa amakana zosowa ndi malingaliro a mkazi. Amatseka mwayi wothetsa mavuto, ndipo amaganizira momwe angapezere zomwe akufuna. Pamenepo ndiye pali vuto: zikuwoneka zopanda phindu kuwayang'anizana nawo ndipo zimakwiyitsa kuvomereza khalidwe lawo." Izi ndi zoona mosasamala kanthu za jenda.

5. Kutopa muubwenzi

Zikuwonekeratu kuti ngati munthu waukali asankha kuchita nkhanza ndi wokondedwa wawo mwanjira ina (yowerengera mosadukiza), izi zitha kuyambitsa zovuta muubwenzi m'kupita kwanthawi. Shazia akuwonetsa zomwe izi zitha kukhala:

• Munthu amene ali ndi bwenzi lochita zachiwawa akhoza kuyamba kumverera kutopa muubwenzi
• Zotsatira zake, kusagwirizana kwamalingaliro kumachitika
• Zinthu zotere muubwenzi zimagwirizana, ndipo zimatha kukhetsa magazi kuzinthu zina monga ulemu. Chifukwa cha kulankhulana mosalekeza, iwo sangauzane mmene akumvera ndipo angayambe kusalemekezana.
• Kukhulupirirana kungabwerenso, ndipo zonsezi ndi zotsatira za 'kubwezera' m'modzi yemwe akufuna kufunafuna mnzake.

Pamene tikuvumbulutsa zovuta za khalidwe lochita zinthu mopanda chifundo komanso mwankhanza m'maubwenzi, zikuwonekeratu kuti mawu obisika amenewa amatha kubzala mbewu za kusakhutira pakati pa okwatirana. Kuzindikira zizindikiro monga kudzudzula kobisika, kuyamika mopanda chifundo , ndi kuiwala mwadala ndikofunikira kwambiri pakuchotsa zopinga zolumikizirana bwino ndi mnzanu. Kumvetsetsa nkhanza mopanda chifundo kungakuthandizeni kuthetsa mavuto akuya muubwenzi wanu ndikupanga mgwirizano wowonekera bwino.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Negging ndi Chiyani: Tanthauzo, Zizindikiro, ndi Momwe Mungayankhire

Tsopano, tipenda zochitika zinazake, zowunikira zochitika zenizeni zomwe zikuwonetsa kukhudzika kwa kungokhala chete mwaubwenzi ndi momwe zingayendetsedwe mkati mwa moyo wanu wachikondi.

Kodi Chitsanzo cha Makhalidwe Osamvera Ndi Chiyani?

Khalidwe lopanda nkhanza muubwenzi, monga mwaonera kale, lingawononge ubale wabwino. Chifukwa chokhacho cha kulephera kwa m'modzi kapena onse awiri kumva momwe akumvera ndikukambirana za iwo. Ndicho chifukwa chake kulankhulana kwabwino komanso kogwira mtima (kopanda milandu) ndiye lamulo loyamba lothetsera mikangano muubwenzi.

Koma ngati mnzanu kapena mnzanu sakufuna kutsata zomwezo, ndikofunikira kuwona zizindikiro zomwe tazilemba pamwambapa. Tiyeni tiwone zitsanzo zamwano mu maubwenzi, monga momwe Shazia anafotokozera:

• Munthu waukali angagwiritse ntchito machenjerero ambiri kuti adziwitse zachiwawa zake. Akhoza kuchita nthabwala zonyoza, nthawi zambiri zamwano, zonyoza mnzawo
• Mnzake wongokhalira kuchita zinthu mwaukali angalephere dala ntchito zina kapena kuzengereza mwadala kuzipeza.
• Anganyalanyaze kulankhulana kulikonse ndi kupewa mtundu uliwonse wa chikondi
• Kufuna kwawo kubwezera pazochitika za tsiku ndi tsiku sikukhala kobisika
• Mutha kuwona zosayenera kapena zoyipa thupi, monga kutembenuza maso, kuseka kwabodza/kokakamiza, kapena kuusa moyo mopambanitsa
• Alinso ndi njira zongolimbana ndi mikangano

Kumvetsetsa tanthauzo la kukhala wosakhazikika muubwenzi kungakuthandizeni kudziwa chifukwa chomwe inu (kapena mnzanu) mumachitira ndi mkwiyo momwe mumachitira. Zotsatira zoyipa za mchitidwe wotere zisanawononge ubale wanu, tikukhulupirira kuti mutha kuwona zizindikiro zamwano ndikuchotsa chizolowezichi.

Kodi Makhalidwe Osasangalatsa Amakhudza Bwanji Maubwenzi?

Mkhalidwe wobisika wa khalidwe lachiwembu mu maubwenzi lingapangitse mthunzi pa maziko a kukhulupirirana ndi kulankhulana. Kusakhutira kwake kosawoneka bwino komanso kosalunjika kungathe kusokoneza ubale. Kudziwa momwe khalidwe lachiwembu limatikhudzira ndikofunikira kuti tithane ndi zovuta zisanakule. Tiyeni tiwone momwe kukhala m'maubwenzi ongokhala chete kumakhudzira anthu:

• Kuwonongeka kwa kulumikizana: Khalidwe laukali nthawi zambiri limalepheretsa kulankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima, zomwe zimachititsa kuti pasakhale kusinthana maganizo ndi maganizo.
• Kuchepetsa chikhulupiriro: Mchitidwe wosalunjika wa zinthu zongochita mwaukali ungapangitse m'malo osakhulupirirana, chifukwa mabwenzi angavutike kuti amvetsetse zenizeni zomwe zimayambitsa kusakhutira.
• Mtunda wamalingaliro: Zotsutsa zophimbidwa ndi mankhwala osalankhula Zimathandizira kuti pakhale kutalikirana kwamalingaliro m'maubwenzi osakhazikika, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kudzipatula pakati pa okondedwa omwe angamve kuti sangathe kufotokoza momasuka
• Kuchuluka kwa mikangano: Khalidwe losayankhidwa lochita zinthu mwaukali likhoza kukulitsa nkhani zazing'ono kukhala mikangano ikuluikulu
• Zotsatira zoyipa paubwenzi: Ubwenzi ndi ubale zitha kuvutikira pamene okondedwa akulimbana ndi kugwa kwamalingaliro kwa zochita zamwano, zomwe zimatsogolera ku mgwirizano wachikondi wovuta komanso wosakwaniritsa.
• Zotsatira paumoyo wamaganizidwe: Kungokhalira kuchita zinthu mwaukali nthawi zonse kungayambitse kupsinjika, nkhawa, ndi zovuta zina zamaganizo kwa onse awiri, zomwe zimakhudza moyo wawo wonse.
• Kuthetsa zovuta: Kuyankhulana mopanda tsankho kumapangitsa kukhala kovuta kuthana ndi kuthetsa mavuto, kupititsa patsogolo mikangano yosathetsedwa.

Tsopano mukudziwa zotsatira za kungokhala chete. Pozindikira kukhudzidwa kwakukulu, okondedwa atha kugwirira ntchito limodzi kuti athane ndi khalidwe lopanda chiwawa mu maubwenzi, kulimbikitsa kulankhulana momasuka, kulimbitsanso chikhulupiriro, ndi kukhazikitsa malo abwino okondana komanso kumvetsetsana.

Ngati mukuvutika kuthana ndi khalidwe laukali lopanda ntchito m'maubwenzi, gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito a Bonobology lingakuthandizeni kuthana nalo.

Ibibazo

12 Makhalidwe A Banja Lopambana

Njira 9 Zothetsera Mikangano M'mabanja Osakanikirana

Kukhala Muukwati Wosokonekera Ndi Kusamvana M'banja

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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