15 Imingcele Ebalulekile Emshadweni Ochwepheshe Bafunga Ngayo

“Umkami ucabanga ukuthi angihloniphi imingcele yakhe. Okungenani yilokho akubhalile kudayari yakhe!” Lokhu kungabonakala njengokuhlekisa kodwa ngokudabukisayo, akuyona nje ihlaya. Kuyisibonelo sendlela imibhangqwana eminingi eshadile ehleka ngayo imingcele noma engazi lutho nhlobo ngokubeka imingcele emshadweni. Kwabaningi bethu, umshado umayelana nokungenela isikhala somunye nomunye noma nini futhi uhlekise umqondo ‘wesikhala somuntu siqu’ uma sesishadile. Izifundo ziphakamisa ukuthi abelaphi bomshado basebenzisa umqondo ‘womngcele’ ebudlelwaneni njengethuluzi eliwusizo lokunquma ukuthi ubani onesibopho sani futhi anikeze umuzwa wokuziphendulela ngokuziphatha, imizwa, imicabango, imisebenzi, njalo njalo.

Ukuze kucaciswe kabanzi ukuthi imingcele ingachaza kanjani ukuthi umbhangqwana uzoba nobudlelwano obujabulisayo noma cha, umqeqeshi wezokuxhumana uSwaty Prakash (PG Diploma in Counseling and Family Therapy), ophinde agxile ekuxazululeni izinkinga zobudlelwano bombhangqwana, ubhala ngemingcele emshadweni kanye nemingcele engu-15 ebalulekile enconywa ochwepheshe emhlabeni jikelele.

Iyini Imingcele?

Amagama ambalwa uhambo lomshado oluqala ngawo - phakade, ababili baba munye, abalingani bomphefumulo, njalonjalo. Kodwa 'phakade' akukona ngempela ukuthi 'njalo' noma '24X7' noma 'ndawonye kukho konke'. Lawa magama amahle kodwa adinga kakhulu ngokuvamile enziwa iphutha njengomqondo ofanayo futhi ayingozi. Ngenxa yalokho, imibhangqwana iqala 'ngenjabulo kuze kube phakade' ilindele ukuba ndawonye, ​​kungabikho ndawo phakathi.

Isenzo esingenakwenzeka, izifiso ezinjalo ziholela ekubambeni nasekukhungathekeni. Yingakho, ukuqonda imingcele nokuyibeka akwenzeki phakathi nokulwa, kodwa kusenesikhathi ukuze ukulwa kungenzeki nhlobo.

Ngakho-ke, ibukeka kanjani imingcele enempilo ? Umngcele womuntu siqu uthi:

• Isivikelo sokuphepha esikuzungezile esikugcina uxhumene nozakwenu(aba) ngenkathi uqinisekisa ukuthi ukhawulela imizwelo namandla akho ngenkathi usebenzisana nabanye.
• Kuwusizo ekuvezeni izinqumo zokuthatha isinyathelo, ukusabela, nokuphendula esikhundleni sokuthwesa wena nabanye umthwalo okulindeleke ngokweqile.
• Njengomhlahlandlela wokukhetha kwakho, izifiso, izidingo, kanye nezifiso zakho futhi uma bobabili abalingani bebeka imingcele ukuze babone, bachitha imibono futhi baphume njengabo ngempela.

Imingcele esebenzayo:

• Zicacile futhi zinengqondo
• Nakekela izidingo zakho kanye nezomlingani wakho
• Beka okulindelwe okucacile ebuhlotsheni
• Siza izithandani ziqhelelane negeyimu yokusola
• Ungakwenzi ubugovu noma ukulawula

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izici Ezingu-21 Zokuthuthukisa Inhlonipho Ebudlelwaneni

Kungani Imingcele Ibalulekile Emishadweni?

Uma abantu ababili bethandana, cishe baba yizimpumputhe futhi bakhethane. Amaphutha nokungezwani kuba ngemuva futhi konke kubukeka kuphelele. Kodwa izinto ziyashintsha ngokusobala lapho lesi sigaba sokuqala somshado sidlula futhi a) ubuntu babo bangempela bungqubuzana, b) noma omunye wabo eyekethisa ngentukuthelo, c) noma bayahoxa komunye nomunye.

Imingcele enempilo emshadweni isho ukwazisa omunye umlingani wakho ngezidingo zakho nokuthi ungubani njengomuntu. Nakhu ukuthi kungani udinga ukudala imingcele efanayo nowakwakho:

• Imingcele isiza ozakwethu ukuchaza ubunikazi nezibopho
• Imingcele isusa umbuthano ononya we ukugxeka
• Imingcele iqinisekisa ukuzihlonipha, kanye nomunye nomunye
• Imingcele iqinisekisa ukuthi bobabili abalingani banezwi elilinganayo ebudlelwaneni

Nakuba singekho isixazululo 'sosayizi owodwa olingana bonke' uma kuziwa ekubekeni imingcele enempilo emshadweni, nazi ezinye ezivamile okudingeka uzimise kusenesikhathi:

• Imingcele engokwenyama
• Imingcele yocansi
• Imingcele yemizwa
• Imingcele yomndeni
• Imingcele yezokuxhumana
• Imingcele yezezimali

Kwesinye isikhathi uma izithandani zingenayo imingcele ephawuliwe, zigcina seziphatheke kabi, zingaqondwa kahle, zoniwe, zibhekane, zithukwe futhi zilahlwe ezimeni ezahlukene. Emibhangqwaneni ngaphandle kwemingcele, ukukhononda okunjalo komunye nomunye kuvamile futhi ngezinye izikhathi kubangela izinkinga ezinkulu kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Nazi izibonelo ezimbalwa zokuthi imibhangqwana itholana kanjani izinkinga omunye nomunye uma ingenayo imingcele ebekiwe phakathi kwabo.

• Ungangishiya kanjani nje ngoMgqibelo ebusuku uhambe nabangani bakho? Uyazi ukuthi ngiphatheke kabi kanjani uma uphuma ephathini
• Ukugeza izitsha akuwona umsebenzi wami kuphela! Ngiyazi ukuthi nawe ukhathele kodwa ngeke ngikwazi ukwenza le misebenzi yasendlini ngedwa. Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma ngikugona, uqina kakhulu. Awungitsheli ngani uma ungathandi ukwanga noma awusangithandi?
• Abazali bomlingani wami abangihloniphi ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kungani engakwazi ukuyohlangana nabo yedwa?
• Angimthandi lowo mngani wakho. Uzama ukusondela kakhulu kuwe ngokomzimba. Akakwazi ukuhlala kude?
• Uyi-speththrift! Yimina onenkinga yokukhokha izikweletu kanye nemali yesikole ngenkathi ujabulela ukuthenga

Indlela Yokubeka Imingcele Emshadweni

Khumbula umdlalo wokuzingela umcebo esasiwudlala njengezingane, lapho umcebo wawufihlwe ngomunye futhi wafunwa ngabanye? Noma nini lapho ofunayo ehambela kude kakhulu 'nomcebo', ingane yomgcinimafa yayikhala ithi “kubanda!” kuyilapho uma beseduze nento, ingane yayigxuma ngokuthuthumela futhi iklabalase “iyashisa!”.

Awu, umshado ufana kakhulu nalo mdlalo. Usondela kakhulu kumlingani futhi kushisa kakhulu (ngeshwa, hhayi ngendlela eshisayo, yothando) futhi lapho uhamba kude, uyaqaphela ukuthi manje kubanda kakhulu.

Ngakho-ke uqinisekisa kanjani ukuthi ukuxhumana kwakho nomlingani wakho akushisi kakhulu futhi akubanda kakhulu? Ungakugwema kanjani ngokwanele ukuze usheshe ubuyele emuva? Nansi indlela abalingani abangabeka ngayo imingcele ecacile nenengqondo futhi bathole indlela engcono kakhulu yokuvikela umshado.

• Zisethe kusenesikhathi: Misa imingcele kusenesikhathi ebudlelwaneni ukuze bungaphatheki kahle ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi, empeleni, busize ukwakha isibopho esinempilo esiqina kuphela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
• Ungenzi ngawe wedwa: Abantu ababili basebudlelwaneni ngakho umshado udinga bobabili abalingani ukuze bakhulume ngesabelo sabo sokulinganiselwa, ukungaphatheki kahle, kanye nemingcele
• Gxila ezitatimendeni zika-'I': Ungakwenzi kube ukusola noma indlela yokulahla umlingani wakho. Khuluma ngemizwa yakho futhi ubatshele ngendlela ozizwa ngayo hhayi abakwenzayo/bangakwenzi. Esikhundleni sokuthi “Uma wenza lokhu …”, khetha ukuthi: “Ngizizwa… uma…”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-9 Zokuthi Unezinkinga Ezinkulu Zokuxhumana Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

15 Imingcele Ebalulekile Emshadweni Ochwepheshe Bafunga Ngayo

Manje njengoba sewazi ukuthi imingcele ibaluleke kangakanani emshadweni, nansi imingcele engu-15 ebalulekile ochwepheshe bomshado abavela emhlabeni wonke abayibalile impilo yomshado enempilo.

1. Okwedlule makudlule

U-Alex no-Sophie bahlangana endaweni yokuphola futhi babexoxa amahora mayelana nayo yonke into umbhangqwana osanda kuthandana owawuzokhuluma ngayo. Ukwesaba, ukungaqiniseki, izenzo, umndeni, kodwa ngenkathi u-Alex etshela uSophie konke mayelana nobudlelwane bakhe obudlule, uCynthia wakhetha ukungadaluli okuningi.

Ngemva kweminyaka emibili, banquma ukushada kodwa u-Alex wayesephikelela ekwazini konke mayelana nokuya ocansini kwakhe kwangaphambilini futhi wayengafuni ukuphendula. KuCynthia, kwakuwumngcele ayefuna ukuwubeka eminyakeni emibili edlule kodwa akazange awenze ngendlela efanele. Abakwazanga ukudlula kulo mehluko bahlukana.

Asikukhuthazi ukuqamba amanga kumlingani wakho ngesikhathi sakho esidlule, kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu ukubeka imingcele ngokuthi ufuna ukukhuluma noma ukuxoxa kangakanani ngobudlelwano bakho besikhathi esidlule.

Isibonelo: “Angifisi ukwabelana nganoma yini mayelana nokuhlangenwe nakho kwami ​​kocansi kwangaphambilini ngaphandle kokuthi kunomthelela oqondile empilweni yakho yomzimba/yocansi.”

2. Ukhiye wakho wenjabulo kufanele ube sephaketheni lakho

Nakuba ozakwethu kufanele benze izinto zenjabulo yomunye nomunye, ukubeka wonke umthwalo wokwaneliseka kwakho kumlingani wakho akulungile, akunakwenzeka, futhi kuyindlela ephelele yenhlekelele. Ngakho thatha izintambo zenjabulo yakho futhi ube nesibopho ngemizwa yakho. Umngane womshado ojabulayo akawucindezeli umshado ngezinto ezilindelekile namagqubu.

Ukuzithanda akusikho ubugovu noma ukuzikhukhumeza, kunalokho kukhulisa impilo yengqondo, ukuzethemba, kanye nokuzwana nabalingani. Njengoba uJeffrey Borenstein , umongameli weBrain & Behaviour Research Foundation, esho, “ Ukuzithanda kusho ukuhlonipha kakhulu inhlalakahle yakho kanye nenjabulo yakho. Ukuzithanda kusho ukunakekela izidingo zakho nokungadeli inhlalakahle yakho ukuze ujabulise abanye.”

Isibonelo: “Ngiyaqonda ukuthi uyangikhumbula, nami ngiyakukhumbula. Kodwa angikwazi ukuchitha isikhathi nawe uma ngisemsebenzini. Kuthinta umkhiqizo wami.

3. Ubungane bakho bubaluleke ngendlela efanayo nawe ukuba ubakhulise

Imbangela enkulu yokungezwani phakathi kwabashadile umona noma izinsolo. Lo mzwelo usuka emcabangweni omisiwe wokuthi abalingani akufanele babe nobungane obuseduze ngaphandle komshado. Uma wena nozakwenu ningakwazi ukubeka le mingcele futhi nixoxe ngokubaluleka nesidingo sesikhathi sekhwalithi somuntu ngamunye nabangane benu abafanele, sethembeni, nobabili ningaba sendaweni ejabulisa kakhulu nenenjabulo kakhudlwana.

Isibonelo: "Ngingathanda ukuthi ube nobudlelwano nabangani bami kodwa nami ngingathanda ukuchitha isikhathi nabo ngedwa. Ngikukhuthaza ukuthi wenze okufanayo nabangani bakho."

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Ezi-7 Zokuba Nomngane Wakho Ohlukile Kumlingani Wakho

4. Cacisa ukuthi kungakanani umlingani wakho angakuxoxa ngawe

Akuwona wonke umuntu okhululekile ukuxoxa ngempilo yakhe nemindeni noma abangane futhi abalingani beza nezindlela ezahlukene zokunamathelana . Ngakho-ke uma ungumuntu ozimele ongaphenduli ucingo futhi atshele umngane wakho omkhulu noma umndeni wakho yonke imininingwane ngokushesha, yazisa umlingani wakho ngalokhu ngawe.

Eminye imindeni ithanda ukuxoxa ngezimpilo zomunye nomunye kuyo yonke imibuthano kanti eminye eminingi igcina imininingwane emincane. Uma wena nophathina wakho ninokuma okuhlukile kulokhu, kuhle kakhulu ukubeka imingcele mayelana nokuthi kungakanani nokuthi konke okungaxoxwa ngakho nabanye.

Isibonelo: “Angikhululekile ukukhuluma ngomholo wami kanye nephrofayili yomsebenzi nomndeni wakho. Ngicela ugcine ulwazi olunjalo kuwe futhi ungaluxoxi nabo.”

5. Nqumani ukukhuluma ngenhlonipho

Amasu okuxazulula izingxabano zombhangqwana oshadile adlala indima enkulu ekunqumeni ukuthi impilo yabo yomshado ihlelekile futhi ithandeka kangakanani. Imibhangqwana, eguqula ukulwa kwayo ibe yimidlalo yokuklabalasa noma, ezimweni eziningi, uma omunye umlingani ememeza futhi ethuka kanti omunye egwinya ukuziqhenya kwayo buthule, imvamisa yilabo abanezigqubu eziningi, izinkinga ezingaxazululwa, kanye nentukuthelo efihliwe.

• Ukusho izinto ezimbi ezilimazayo komunye nomunye akuyona ingxenye enzima yomshado, ukuzigcina kuwe futhi ukumelana nesifiso sokushaya ngaphansi kwebhande, noma kunjalo,
• Kunesisho sakudala esithi kulula kakhulu ukuhlala nomuntu okuhloniphayo kunokuhlala nomuntu okuthanda nje
• Kwaziseni ukuthi noma ngabe isihloko sibi kangakanani, ukulwa kuyohlale kunenhlonipho futhi kungaphakathi kwemingcele
• Batshele lokho okuthola kucasula (ngezimo, uma kukhona) nokuthi yini ofuna ishintshwe

Isibonelo: “Ngesikhathi ngiveza umbono wami ephathini, ungihlekisile wathi angazi ukuthi ngikhuluma ngani. Angikuthandi ukugxekwa noma ukwehliswa isithunzi kanje.”

6. Kudingeka kuxoxwe ngemingcele yokwethembeka

Wonke umuntu ufuna futhi ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakhe athembeke 100%, kodwa empeleni, udinga ukuxoxa ngale phesenti naye. Kubalulekile ukudweba umugqa phakathi kothando nobumfihlo ezindaweni ezimbalwa ezibalulekile. Lezi yizindawo lapho ukwethembeka kwakho kumele kuvezwe khona:

• Ukusetha umngcele wokuthi kungakanani ofuna ukukudalula mayelana nesikhathi sakho esidlule
• Ukubeka umngcele walokho ozokudalula ngomunye umlingani wakho (uma usendaweni evulekile/ubudlelwano be-polyamorous)
• Ukubeka umngcele wokuthi kungakanani ofuna ukwazi mayelana nezinye izintshisekelo zothando/zocansi zomlingani wakho

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezinhle Eziyi-13 Zokuthandana Nawe

7. Imingcele mayelana nendlela enikhuluma ngayo ngomunye nomunye phambi kwabanye

Umbhangqwana waseChicago, u-Arin noSteve, sebeshade iminyaka engama-20. Basabelane nathi, “Sanquma ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani, asisoze sazithoba phambi kwabanye. Sizohlala sisekelana. Emashumini eminyaka kamuva, sisazizwa ukuthi lesi sivumelwano esisodwa sisize umshado wethu ukuba udlule ezikhathini eziningi ezinzima.” Lokhu ‘ukungakulahli’ kuyisihluthulelo esiqinisekisiwe semishado eqinile futhi kungenye yezimpawu eziluhlaza ebuhlotsheni.

Isibonelo: “Singase sibe nokungezwani okuningi. Kodwa phambi komndeni wakho noma owami, ngeke ngixoxe ngokulwa kwethu. Ngilindele okufanayo kuwe.”

8. Izimangaliso akufanele zibe nesikhala ebudlelwaneni

Amazwi anjengokuthi “Sengiqedile ngawe” noma “Ngifuna isehlukaniso” asongela isisekelo somshado futhi yize evame ukushiwo ngentukuthelo, angalimaza izibopho ngendlela engenakulungiseka. Imingcele enjalo engokomzwelo emshadweni ingenye imingcele ebalulekile okufanele uyibeke ukuze uzivikele ekulimaleni.

Isibonelo: “Ngidinga ukulawula imizwa yami bese ngisuka kule ngxoxo njengamanje ngoba angifuni ukusho noma yini ebuhlungu engizozisola ngayo kamuva.”

9. Imithetho yobudlelwano mayelana nokwethembeka nokwethembana

Ngomunye ucwaningo, izindaba zokungathembeki nokuzibophezela ziyizizathu ezimbili ezivame kakhulu zokuhlukana akubangelwa ukungathembeki kodwa ngenxa yezincazelo ezihlukene zokungathembeki. Ukungathembeki akukhona nje ukungathembeki ngokocansi noma ukulala nomunye umuntu (yize lena kuyipharamitha ebanzi kakhulu futhi evumelana nezimo), ichazwa 'njengokuntuleka kokwethembeka noma ukwesekwa'.

Kodwa kuyini ukwethembeka futhi ukuchaza kanjani ukwesekwa? La magama asho izinto ezahlukene kubantu abahlukene. Isizinda somkhaya, izinkolelo zamasiko, izinkolelo ezingokwenkolo ezihlukahlukene, okuhlangenwe nakho kwesikhathi esidlule, imfundo kanye nokuchayeka ezindabeni ezinjalo ngezinye zezici ezilolonga umbono womuntu ngokwethembeka nokwethembeka.

Isibonelo: “Emaphathini, ngiyajabula ukukubona ujabule nabangani bakho. Kodwa angizizwa ngingakhululekile uma ngikubona udansa eduze kakhulu nabo. Ngizizwa nginganakwa nhlobo futhi ngingedwa ezimweni ezinjalo.”

Eminye imingcele evamile okudingeka uyikhumbule emshadweni onempilo yilena:

10. Imingcele yenkundla yezokuxhumana emshadweni

Abantu bavame ukusho ukuthi izinkundla zokuxhumana ziyisandiso salokho abayikho. Kodwa-ke, izazi eziningi zokusebenza kwengqondo zikholelwa ukuthi inkundla yezokuxhumana empeleni iyisandiso sezingxenye esingekho noma esingeke sibe yikho. Yingakho umuntu othule kakhulu ephathini angakumangaza ngokuthunyelwe kwe-insta okunomsindo kakhulu kuyilapho oshisa indawo yokudansa ephathini efanayo abelana ngezingcaphuno ezijulile nezimnyama kakhulu.

Izinkundla zokuxhumana kanye nobudlelwano nabo kushintshe kakhulu. Ukuthi umlingani ufuna kangakanani ukwabelana ngomhlaba wakhe wezokuxhumana nabantu kumane kuyisifiso sakhe. Abanye abalingani bathi bakulungele ukudalula amaphinikhodi abo ekhadi lesikweletu kodwa ngeke babelane ngamaphasiwedi abo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Ngokusho kwe- American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers , ingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu yamafayela esehlukaniso ane-'Facebook' njengesici kuwo. Nakuba umuntu engenakubeka icala ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ngqo ngezenzo ezinjalo, ngokuqinisekile kukhona ukuxhumana phakathi kwezinkundla zokuxhumana kanye nesehlukaniso manje.

Kubalulekile ukubeka imingcele mayelana:

• Isikhathi esichithwa ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
• Ukuhlonipha ubumfihlo bomunye nomunye ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
• Ukwabelana ngamaphasiwedi noma ama-akhawunti
• Ukwabelana ngolwazi ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kanye nokumaka ozakwethu

Isibonelo: “Sizoba abangane ku-Facebook kodwa angifuni ungibeke uphawu ezithombeni zethu. Angithandi ukwabelana ngempilo yami yangasese ezinkundleni zokuxhumana.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Kulungile Ukuba Umngane Nomuntu Owake Wathandana Naye Ezinkundleni Zokuxhumana?

11. Imingcele yobulili emshadweni

Cabanga ngesimo lapho wena nomlingani wakho nazi izifiso kanye neziphambeko zomunye nomunye futhi nobabili nenza lokho kanye okwenza omunye aneliseke ngokocansi. Kuzwakala njengesimo samaphupho? Uma imibhangqwana ingalahla ukuzithiba kwayo kokuqala futhi ikhulume ngocansi kanye nemingcele yocansi, ucansi ngeke lube umbukiso womuntu oyedwa njengoba kuvame ukuba njalo.

Ukukhuluma ngezifiso zobulili, ukungathandwa, namaphupho kuyingxenye ebalulekile yokubeka imingcele. Ukuze uzizwe uphephile futhi ukhululekile kulesi sici esisengozini kakhulu somshado, imingcele yobulili ibalulekile. Izinto ezinjengokuthi “Cha, angikhululekile ngalokhu,” “Anginaso isiqiniseko,” “Singakwazi yini ukuzama enye into,” “Singazama lokhu ngesinye isikhathi’”— zonke lezi zitatimende zidinga kukhulunywe ngazo, ziqondwe, futhi zihlonishwe ngokuthi ‘cha’ ocacile.

Isibonelo: “Ngithanda imidlalo ehlekisayo futhi ungangibiza ngo-[X] kodwa angifuni ungibize ngo-[Y].”

12. Imingcele yomndeni emshadweni

Manje lena isiyindawo eshelelayo ngoba nakuba wonke umuntu ethanda ukukhuluma ngabazali, abasekhweni iningi labo alinandaba. Kodwa khumbula, lapho kuba nzima kakhulu ukuxoxa ngokuthile, kudingeka nixoxe ngakho. Imibhangqwana eminingi ibeka imingcele enempilo kulesi sici kusenesikhathi futhi yonga izingxabano eziningi nezimpi ezizayo.

Xoxa ngezindaba ezinjengalezi kabanzi:

• Kukangaki ungathanda ukuhlangana nomndeni wakho owandisiwe?
• Hlobo luni lobudlelwano eninethezeka nobabili?
• Kuyini okulindele kanye nemikhawulo yakho, futhi hlobo luni ubudlelwano nabasemzini ulindele?

Isibonelo: “Umama usele yedwa futhi ngizofuna ukuhlangana naye okungenani kabili ngenyanga. Angilindele ukuthi uzongiphelezela njalo kodwa nami angifuni ukuphuthelwa uhambo lwami.”

13. Imingcele engokomzwelo emshadweni

Singabantu ngabanye abanemithwalo yethu engokomzwelo kanye nemikhawulo. Nakuba ukuba nozakwethu empilweni yakho kungase kudambise futhi kuze kwelaphe eziningi zalezi zinhlungu ezingokomzwelo, ukulindela ukuba abantu abathandanayo baphilisane akulula futhi akunakwenzeka.

UHenry Cloud, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esinezincwadi eziningi ngemingcele emshadweni , usho kahle ukuthi imizwa yethu iyimpahla yethu. Uma omunye umlingani edabukile, omunye umlingani akanakuzizwa enesibopho ngokudabuka kwakhe. Abalingani bangazwelana nemizwa yomunye nomunye kodwa kufanele bazibekele imingcele futhi bazikhumbuze ukuthi umuntu odabukile unesibopho ngemizwa yakhe.

“Ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngemizwa yomunye umuntu empeleni kuyinto engenazwela kakhulu esingayenza ngoba siwela endaweni yomunye umuntu. Abanye abantu kudingeka bathathe umthwalo wemfanelo ngemizwa yabo,” kusho uHenry Cloud.

Isibonelo: “Uma ungivalela ngaphandle futhi ungangitholi ngokomzwelo izinsuku eziningi, ngizizwa nginesizungu. Ngiyaqonda uma ungafuni ukukhuluma ngenkinga yakho, kodwa awukwazi ukungivalela ngaphandle empilweni yakho. Udinga ukungitshela ukuthi udinga isikhala nini.”

14. Imingcele yezezimali emshadweni

Imali ingenye igama 'elingcolile' umbhangqwana ongafuni ukukhuluma ngalo. Abangaqapheli ukuthi le nkinga enkulu ekamelweni inkulu futhi idinga ukuxoxwa ngayo ngaphambi kokuba iqede uthando lwabo ngomunye nomunye. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yimindeni lapho umlingani oyedwa ehola khona noma bobabili benza kanjalo, ukuxhumana okucacile mayelana nemigomo yobudlelwano bemali njengombhangqwana kufanele kwenziwe ngokushesha nje lapho izinto ziqala ukuba zimbi phakathi kwabo.

Ocwaningweni olwenziwe emibhangqwaneni eshadile eyi-100 eyabhala phansi izingxabano zayo, kwatholakala ukuthi imali ingaba enye yezindawo ezinzima kakhulu nezilimazayo zezingxabano. Ingxenye yenkinga ukuthi kunzima kakhulu kubo ukukhuluma ngezinkinga zemali futhi abalingani bavame ukuzishiya lezi zinkinga.

Isibonelo: "Kuyiphupho lami ukuthenga imoto futhi ngifuna ukuyongela lokho njalo ngenyanga. Ngizogcina ingxenye yomholo wami eceleni."

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinkinga Zemali Ebudlelwaneni Bokuthandana - Nakhu Ongakwenza

15. Imingcele engokomzimba emshadweni

Akekho ongena ebuhlotsheni nokwamukela ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba kodwa nokho imibhangqwana eminingi eshadile, ngaphandle kweminyango evaliwe, yonakaliswa ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba. Ngakho-ke, ngisho noma lokhu kuzwakala njengomngcele womuntu siqu osobala, kubalulekile ukukusho, ukukusho, nokukulandela.

Ngokusho kocwaningo lwamuva nje , ubudlova bomndeni nobasekhaya buthinta abantu abayizigidi eziyi-10 e-United States kuphela. E-US, abesifazane abane kanye nabesilisa abayisishiyagalolunye bayizisulu zobudlova basekhaya obuvame ukungabikwa kakhulu. Khumbula ukuthi akukho budlova obungokomzimba okufanele buvunyelwe kunoma yisiphi isigaba sobudlelwano. Kusukela ekusonteni umunwe kuya ekucindezeleni kuya ekushayeni konke kuyizibonelo zobudlova obungokomzimba.

Nokho, imingcele engokomzimba nayo idlulela ngalé kobudlova. Uma ungeyena umuntu ojabulela ukuboniswa uthando esidlangalaleni kodwa umlingani wakho engakwazi ukumelana nokukuqabula phambi kwabantu, mazise indlela ozizwa ngayo.

Isibonelo: “Angikhululeki uma ungiqabula phambi kwabazali bethu. Ngizizwa ngingakhululekile. Ngicela ungakwenzi lokho.”

Imibono Engalungile Evamile Ngokubeka Imingcele Emshadweni

Njengoba kunesimo esingaka senhlalo nesomndeni, imibhangqwana ivame ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi ukubekela umlingani wakho imingcele kanye nawe emshadweni kusho inhlekelele ebuhlotsheni babo. Ukuthi ukwazisa umuntu kaningi futhi ngokushesha kakhulu ngemingcele enjalo kuyindlela yenhlekelele. Imibono emithathu eyiphutha evamile evame ukuvimba abantu ekwenzeni kanjalo yilena:

1. Ukubeka imingcele emshadweni kuwubugovu

Umshado kufanele ube ongenabugovu - noma kufanele kube njalo? Umlingani ohlale ezama ukubumba izidingo zakhe futhi anqande izifiso zakhe ngomunye uvame ukuba ngumuntu onamagqubu agcwele ibhodlela nokungajabuli. Ngokubeka nokuqonda imingcele, abantu ababili banakekela indawo yabo yomuntu siqu eholela ekuphileni komshado ozinzile.

2. Ukubeka imingcele ukutshela umuntu ukuthi enzeni

Eqinisweni, imingcele yobudlelwano obuhle yenza okuphambene nokutshela omunye umuntu ukuthi enzeni. Imingcele imayelana nokunakekela izidingo zethu nokuhlonipha ubuntu bethu. Imayelana nendlela osabela ngayo esimweni esithile kunokuba abanye benze okufanayo. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi “Ungangideleli,” imingcele isisiza ukuthi sithi, “Uma ukhuluma ngezwi eliphakeme, ngizizwa ngingahloniphi futhi ngesaba.”

3. Imingcele ilimaza ubudlelwano

Kwesinye isikhathi abantu bayesaba ngokubeka imingcele ebudlelwaneni. Banomuzwa wokuthi ngokwenza kanjalo, baxosha ozakwethu kude nabo ngohlu lwezinto okumelwe zenziwe nokungafanele zenziwe, kodwa empeleni, usiza umlingani wakho ukuthi azi ukuthi angakuthanda kanjani kangcono futhi asondele kuwe.

Lapho kwenziwa kahle, imingcele emshadweni iyasiqinisa futhi iqinise isibopho. Inika abantu ababili amandla okuthanda nokuthandwa, ukuhlonipha nokuhlonishwa. Ngakho-ke, uma uzizwa ucindezelwe noma ungahlonishwa noma ungazwakali emshadweni wakho, kubalulekile ukuthi nihlale phansi nikhulume ngalezi zinkinga. Iba nengxoxo ejulile nozakwenu futhi nibeke imingcele futhi nikhethe amazwi nezenzo ezicacile.

Izindlela Eziyi-10 Zokubhekana Nabasekhweni Abangenanhlonipho

Izinto Ezincane Ezingu-23 Ezenza Umshado Wakho Uqine Nsuku Zonke

8 Vula Imithetho Yobudlelwano Okufanele Ilandelwe Ukuze Isebenze

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

Bheka Inqubo Yethu Yokuhlela

Hlangana Nebhodi Lethu Lokubuyekeza

Yabelana Ngempendulo

Ithini impendulo yakho?

×

Eziwusizo Bika Iphutha Izincwajana zemininingwane

Hambisa