Ungawusindisa Kanjani Umshado Uma Kunye Kuphela Ezama—9 Amathiphu Asekelwe Ochwepheshe

Imishado ivame ukuba yindlela yokukhuphuka nokwehla, ukwehla nokwenyuka, izikhathi zokujabula kanye neziqephu ezimbi. Lapho bobabili abashadile beqondisa lo mkhumbi ngendlela evumelanayo futhi ngokuzwana, iziphepho zezulu kanye nokuwela emanzini anezinkathazo kuba nzima kakhulu. Eqinisweni, uma ufuna ukwazi imfihlo yomshado ophumelelayo, yilena: abantu ababili abenqaba ukwehlukana. Kodwa kwenzekani lapho omunye umlingani evele elahle ithemba futhi usale ubhekene nenkinga enzima yokuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado kuyilapho oyedwa kuphela ozama.

Manje, njengoba besho, umshado awukaze ube ngu-50-50. Okungukuthi, akukho sikhathi esingakanani, lapho bobabili abalingani bafaka isandla ngokulinganayo ekwenzeni ubudlelwano busebenze. Ngezinye izinsuku uthola u-80% wokuxega ngoba umlingani wakho angaletha kuphela u-20%. Futhi kwabanye, i-equation ihlehlisiwe. Kodwa-ke, uma umlingani wakho egeza ngokuphelele isandla sakhe emthwalweni wokugcina ubuhlobo buqinile kodwa ungakakulungeli ukuyeka, ungase uzithole usuwusindisa kanjani umshado wakho lapho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka.

Akudingeki ukusho ukuthi, leyo kungaba yindawo edabukisayo nengenathemba ongaba kuyo. Phela, akulula ukwamukela izimpawu zokuthi umyeni wakho usephumile emshadweni noma izimpawu zokuthi umkakho ufuna ukukushiya, nalokho uma ungakayeki. Nakuba kungase kubonakale kunzima futhi kudumaza, kungenzeka ukuthola ukuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado wedwa. Silapha ukuzokutshela ukuthi kanjani, ngokuqonda okuvela kudokotela wezifo zengqondo uGopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngomshado nomndeni.

Izimpawu Umshado Usenkingeni Futhi Munye Kuphela Umaqondana Ozama Ukuwusindisa

Kudinga abantu ababili ukuze kube ne-tango; umshado ojabulisayo usekelwe ekuzimiseleni kwabo bobabili abashadile ukuze usebenze. Uma omunye ehoxa noma eyeka ngokuphelele, izimpawu zokuthi umshado usenkingeni ziqala ukuvela. Lokhu kuba yinkinga nakakhulu uma omunye umlingani esafuna umshado usebenze kuyilapho lowo oyekile umshado eqhubeka, kodwa kuphela njengomhlanganyeli ongenzi lutho. Uma lokhu kuzwakala kuhlobene futhi uzizwa sengathi ubulokhu uthatha isabelo esikhulu somthwalo wemfanelo wokugcina ubudlelwano bakho buqhubeka, qaphela lezi zinkomba zokuthi usesendaweni enzima lapho kufanele uthole khona ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho lapho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka, njengoba kuboniswe nguGopa :

• Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana: Ukuxhumana okungekuhle ingenye yezimpawu zokuqala ukuthi umshado usenkingeni ngenxa yokuthi omunye wabalingani uselahle ithemba ngakho. Uma lokhu kwenzeka, omunye uzakwethu uhlala eqala izingxoxo ukuze axazulule izinkinga kuyilapho omunye engenasithakazelo noma echitha.
• Awukho umzamo wokushintsha: Uma usebenza ngenkuthalo ekuthuthukiseni ukuziphatha noma ukubhekana nezinkinga, ubuza, “Ngingazishintsha kanjani ukuze ngisindise umshado wami”, kodwa owakwakho enqaba ukwenza noma yiziphi izinguquko, kuwuphawu olubonisa ukuthi akanandaba nokusindisa isibopho sakho.
• Ukungahlangani ngokomzwelo: Uzwa sengathi umlingani wakho usekude ngokomzwelo—cishe kube sengathi awukwazi ukumfinyelela ngisho noma eseduze kwakho. Lokhu kukhombisa ukuthi banentshisekelo encane ekwakheni kabusha ukuxhumana
• Ukugwema ukuxazululwa kwezingxabano: Ungaqiniseka ukuthi uwena wedwa ozama ukuhlenga umshado uma umlingani wakho egwema ukulungisa izingxabano, akushiye uzixazulule ngokwakho noma ebonakala kungenandaba nokuthi izingxabano zixazululwa nhlobo.
• Akukho ukuhlanganyela ekwelulekweni: Uma ubuzama ukuguqula umqondo wokufuna usizo noma ukuya ekwelashweni kwabashadile ukuze uxazulule izinkinga zakho kodwa owakwakho noma enqaba ukungena emkhunjini noma enqaba ukubamba iqhaza noma ukuzibandakanya ngendlela enenjongo enqubweni, kungasho into eyodwa kuphela—abasatshalwa imali ekusindiseni umshado.
• Ukungabi nandaba nesikhathi sekhwalithi: Isidingo esinciphayo sesikhathi sekhwalithi nozakwethu singesinye sezinkomba ezinkulu umuntu azihlolile ebudlelwaneni. Uma umlingani wakho engabonisi intshisekelo ekuhlanganiseni noma ekwenzeni izinhlelo, ulungile ngokuzibuza ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado uma kuzama oyedwa kuphela.
• Ukuntula ukusondelana: Ngokufanayo, isidingo esinciphayo sokusondelana ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo kanye nokwenqaba ukunxenxwa umngane womshado kuphakathi kwezimpawu zokuthi umshado usenkingeni.
• Ukuchitha ukukhathazeka: Uma oshade naye ehlala echitha noma echitha okukukhathazayo noma imizwa yakho ngezinkinga zakho zomshado, kusobala ukuthi azimkhathazi ngokwanele. Lokhu kwenzeka lapho umuntu eyeka ukukhathalela ikusasa lobudlelwano
• Ayikho intshisekelo ezinhlelweni zesikhathi esizayo: Olunye lwezimpawu ezicacile umyeni wakho azihlolile ephuma emshadweni noma izimpawu umkakho afuna ukukushiya ukuthi bayayeka ukuhlelela ikusasa noma ukukhuluma ngemigomo ehlanganyelwe, kodwa kunalokho babonakala bengenandaba noma bengenasithakazelo.
• Ukushintsha icala: Nakuba ungase wamukele umthwalo wemfanelo ngengxenye yakho emzabalazweni wakho womshado, futhi uze uzibuze, "Ngingazishintsha kanjani ukuze ngisindise umshado wami", umlingani wakho ubeka icala futhi enqaba ukuvuma indima yakhe.
• Ukuntula ukwazisa: Olunye uphawu olukhombisayo ukuthi umshado usenkingeni ngoba omunye umlingani useyekile ukuthi awukhumbuli ukuthi bagcina nini ukukhombisa uthando nokukhathalela noma ukubonga.
• Ukuphila izimpilo ezihlukene: Uma uku umshado ohlala naye lapho wena nomngane wakho womshado niphila izimpilo ezihlukene futhi bebeka kuqala impilo yabo ngaphandle komshado ngaphezu kokusebenza ekuxhumaneni kwabo nawe, ungase usale ubhekene nobunzima bokuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado kuyilapho oyedwa kuphela ozamayo.

Kungani Umlingani Wakho Engazami Ukusindisa Umshado?

Uma ubona izimpawu zokuthi umyeni wakho uphumile emshadweni noma izimpawu zokuthi umkakho ufuna ukukushiya kodwa ufuna ukusindisa ubudlelwano benu, kufanele uzame ukuqonda ukuthi yini ebangele lolu shintsho. Yini eshintshile ukuthi umlingani wakho owayemthanda akasakhathali ukuthi kwenzekani emshadweni wakho? Kungani beyeke ukutshala imali ekukhuliseni ubudlelwano abanabo nawe? Kungani umshado wakho usesimweni sokungahleleki kangangokuthi uhlala uzibuza, “Ngingenza kanjani ukuba umyeni wami angifune” noma “Ngingenza kanjani ukuba umkami angithande futhi”? Kungaba nezizathu eziningana zokuthi kungani umlingani wakho engenzi mzamo wokusindisa umshado. Nazi ezimbalwa:

• Kunjalo othandweni nomunye umuntu
• Izinkinga zomshado ezingakaxazululwa ziye zaba nomthelela endleleni abazizwa ngayo ngawe
• Ubudlelwano obunobuthi bubenze balahlekelwa ithemba lokulungisa isibopho sabo nawe
• Bangase bafune indawo yabo nenkululeko
• Bafuna ukuhlenga umshado kodwa abazi ukuthi bazowenza kanjani
• Bangase babe nezikhathi ezinzima noma izinkinga zezimali
• Abasafuni ukuyekethisa
• Izinto eziza kuqala kubo, amaphupho, nezifiso zabo sekushintshile

Nakuba kucasula, ngicela uqonde ukuthi akusona isiphetho somgwaqo. Usengakwazi ukuguqula izinto. Udinga ukuthola ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado lapho oyedwa kuphela ozama futhi ugibele umlingani wakho. Ake sithole ukuthi kanjani.

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9 Amathiphu Asekelwe Ochwepheshe Okuthi Ungawusindisa Kanjani Umshado Uma Kunye Kuphela Ezamayo

Awukho umshado owumbhede wama roses ngaso sonke isikhathi. Uma ugibela impilo yakho yonke nomunye umuntu, kuzoba namaqhubu endleleni. Amanye anamandla ngokwanele ukukulahla ngokuphelele. Iqiniso elidabukisayo lokuthola ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado lapho oyedwa kuphela ozamayo nakanjani yisimo esinjalo.

Ukulungisa umshado ophukile wedwa kuwumsebenzi onzima, kodwa akuyona into engenakwenzeka. Ngokubekezela nokucabanga okusebenzayo nokunethemba, ungaguqula izinto futhi uthole indlela yokuxhumana kabusha, noma ngabe umlingani oyedwa kuphela ozama. Ukuze sikusize uqale lolu hambo oluyinselele, siqoqe amathiphu ayi-9 asekelwa ochwepheshe okuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho lapho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka:

1. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokusindisa umshado ukukhetha ukwelulekwa

Ngikopele kodwa ngifuna ukuhlenga ubudlelwano bami yize umlingani wami engafuni lutho nami. Umkami unonya kimi futhi ulungile kubo bonke abanye, ngingabusindisa kanjani ubuhlobo bami naye? Ngifuna ukwazi ukuthi ngingenza kanjani umyeni wami angifune. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sinjani isimo sakho, ukufuna ukwelulekwa kungakusiza uxazulule izinkinga zakho futhi uthole indlela yokusindisa umshado wakho.

“Kunoma ngubani ozama ukuthola ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho uma umuntu efuna ukuphuma, ngithi ukwelulekwa kwabashadile kuyimpoqo,” kusho uGopa. “Ukwelulekwa kungasiza ozakwethu ukuthi bazisebenzele bona bodwa, baxazulule izinkinga ababhekene nazo, baxoxe bodwa ngendlela yomthetho.

Ukuthola ukwelulekwa kungaba nzima kancane uma umlingani wakho enqaba ngokuphelele ukuba yingxenye yako. Ezimweni ezinjalo, zama ukumenza aqonde ukuthi umbono ongathathi hlangothi womeluleki uzokusiza nobabili kuphela. Le ndlela ingasebenza ngoba umlingani wakho angabona ukuthi uzimisele ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zakho futhi kungaba lula ukuvuma izinto ezithile nomuntu ongathathi hlangothi, ongakhethi buso. Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho lapho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka, yazi ukuthi iphaneli labeluleki abanekhono leBonobology liseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

2. Cela umlingani wakho isikhathi esengeziwe

URaya, umgcini-mabhuku oneminyaka engu-35 ubudala, okwazile ukushintsha izinto emshadweni wakhe owawuwohloka, uthi, “Kunesikhathi lapho ngangivame ukucabanga ukuthi ngidinga isimangaliso ukuze ngisindise umshado wami. waqonda izinto.

“Ngaqala ukuya kuye kaningi ngangokunokwenzeka. Ngemva kwamasonto okuqala, naye waqala ukusabela. Ngosizo lokukhulumisana okwakhayo, ngakwazi ukumenza abone indlela engangizisola ngayo futhi ngizisola ngayo. Sanquma ukunikeza umshado wethu elinye ithuba. Manje, nsuku zonke, sizama ukuthuthukisa kancane kancane.”

Ngisho noma izinto seziwohloke kakhulu kangangokuthi umlingani wakho usenqume ukuqeda umshado, akuwona wonke amathemba alahlekile. Into yokuqala okufanele uyenze ukucela umlingani wakho isikhathi esengeziwe ngaphambi kokuba ayeke umshado. Wonke umuntu ufanelwe ithuba lesibili, futhi ukukholisa umlingani wakho ukuthi azame ukuhlala isikhathi eside kungase kuthele izithelo. Ngokuya ngokuthi unesikhathi esingakanani, kuzodingeka uqhamuke nohlelo olusebenzayo nolusebenzayo lokusindisa umshado wakho.

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3. Shintsha umbono wakho

Ecaphuna uMaya Angelou, “Uma ungathandi into ethile, yishintshe, uma ungakwazi ukuyishintsha, shintsha isimo sakho sengqondo”. Isihluthulelo sendlela yokusindisa umshado wakho lapho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka sisekumukeleni ushintsho. Kuzodingeka uthole izinto okudingeka uzishintshe ngaphambi kokuqala uhambo lwakho lokuvuselela umshado wakho. Izinkinga zingaba yinoma yini, kusukela endleleni ubuntu bakho obuyiyo noma indlela obheka ngayo impilo. Gxila ezintweni umlingani wakho anenkinga nazo bese uzama ukuzixazulula. Hlola izici zakho ezimbi noma ezinobuthi bese wenza umzamo wokuzishintsha.

"Enye yezinto engizitshela amakhasimende ami ukuthi kufanele agxile futhi azisebenzele wona kuqala. Ukuze ukwazi ukusindisa umshado osondela ngokushesha emanzini, udinga ukwazi ukubeka ubuso bakho obuhle kakhulu. Kudingeka ubonakale ungumuntu ozothile futhi oqinisekayo kumlingani wakho. Ngaphandle kokuthi uzisebenzele wena, umlingani ngeke afune ukubuya ngoba usevele wenza umqondo wakhe wokushiya ngemuva kwezinkinga ezindala," kusho u-Gooping.

Uma umlingani wakho ebona ushintsho kuwe, uzobe uphumelele ukubenza babone ukuthi uzama ngakho konke okusemandleni akho ukusindisa umshado wakho, ngaphandle kokusho. Esikhundleni sokucabanga nje, "Ngidinga isimangaliso ukuze ngisindise umshado wami", zama ukuthatha isinyathelo ngokubuyela endleleni yokuphila kanye nezibopho zakho.

4. Ungasebenzisi amaqhinga okucindezela

Ukuzama ukuphoqa umlingani wakho ngokomzwelo ngokusebenzisa umndeni, imali, ucansi, umuzwa wecala, noma izingane zakho akulungile. Ukusebenzisa noma yiliphi lala maqhinga okucindezela kungalimaza, kuvale yonke iminyango engabangela umlingani wakho abuyele kuwe. “Lapho uzama kakhulu ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ahlale nawe, kulapho angamelana khona kakhulu nomqondo. Lokhu kuzoholela ekuxabaneni okukhulu kanye nenzondo, okuzoqinisa inkolelo yabo yokuthi babelungile ngokunquma ukuhamba emshadweni,” kusho uGopa. Awukwazi ukuphoqa umuntu ukuba ahlale nawe; noma ngabe ukwazile ukwenza kanjalo, kuzoba ubuhlobo obufile.

5. Ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho lapho uthando lungasekho: Ungalilahli ithemba

Ukulwela ukusindisa umshado wakho wedwa kungakushiya ukhathele futhi ukhathazekile, kodwa yileso sikhathi lapho kuzodingeka uzikhuthaze khona. Zikhumbuze zonke izinto ezakwenza wathandana nomlingani wakho. Kuzosusa ukugxila ebuhlungwini abakubangele bona. “Uma uzama ukusindisa umshado esahlukanweni , kubalulekile ukuba nesimo sengqondo “sokungayeki”, futhi uzame ukwenza noma yini okudingeka yenziwe. Ngisho noma isimo sibi kakhulu, uma izinto zingahambi kahle, okungenani uzokwazi ukuthi ukwenze konke okusemandleni akho,” kusho uGopa.

Lungisa uhlelo lwakho lokusekela, kungaba umngane wakho omkhulu, abazali bakho, noma isihlobo. Thulula inhliziyo yakho kubo noma nini uma udinga futhi ubatshele ukuthi bakusize ubuyele endleleni yakho noma nini lapho ungagxilile. Ngale ndlela, ungaqhubekela phambili ekufinyeleleni umgomo wakho ngaphandle kokuthwala noma yimuphi umthwalo ongokomzwelo.

6. Gxila ezindabeni zangempela

Yonke imishado ibhekana nezikhathi ezimnandi nezinhle, kodwa uma sekufike lapho umuntu esekulungele ukuhamba unomphela, inkinga ingase ibonakale ingenakuxazululeka. Mhlawumbe usesimweni lapho ongacabanga ngakho nje ukuthi, “Ngikopele kodwa ngifuna ukusindisa ubuhlobo bami.” Noma mhlawumbe, uchitha sonke isikhathi sakho uzama ukuthola, "indlela yokwenza umyeni wami angifune" noma "ungenza kanjani umkami angithande futhi". Noma ngabe yiziphi izizathu zokungezwani kwenu, noma ngabe ukungahambisani, ukungathembeki, noma udaba lwezezimali noma lwezenhlalo, kufanele nilulungise ngqo.

Okokuqala, kufanele uqonde inkinga bese wenza oshade naye aqonde ukuthi inkinga eyodwa ayifanele ukuqeda umshado wenu. Esikhundleni sokugxila ekusolweni ebudlelwaneni , thola izixazululo zokuxazulula izingxabano. “Lapho uthola ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho uma ufuna ukuphuma, isidingo sokudlula umjikelezo wengxoxo ngayinye sikhula sibe yimpikiswano. Qaphela ukuthi yilokhu okuholele ezinkingeni zakho zomshado ezikhuphuke kangaka. Uma nje le ndlela isiphukile ungaqala ukubhekana nezinkinga zakho nokuzisebenza,” kusho uGopa.

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7. Nikeza futhi ucele indawo

"Yebo, udinga ukuxoxa uma omunye ezihlolele ngaphandle komshado, kodwa qiniseka ukuthi akukho ukucupha. Ngike ngaba namakhasimende alandelela ngokweqiniso isinyathelo ngasinye sophathina bawo ngokusebenzisa izinkundla zokuxhumana namanye amathuluzi. Ekugcineni, imilayezo engama-60 nezingcingo abazenza usuku zibe nzima komunye umlingani. Lokhu kungabaphushela kude. Esikhundleni salokho, uzinike isikhathi sokuzihlola futhi uzixazulule. phambili,” kweluleka uGopa.

Ngezinye izikhathi okudingayo nje ikhefu ukuze uthole umbono omncane walokho okwenzekayo. Uma ukhungathekile ngezinqumo ezishintsha impilo, ungase uphuthelwe izici ezibalulekile ezingashintsha yonke into ngokuphelele. Isikhala ebudlelwaneni sibalulekile. Nika oshade naye leso sikhala nesikhathi sokucabanga ngezinqumo zakhe. Kubalulekile uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado lapho oyedwa kuphela ezama.

8. Zama ukusebenzela ukuxhumana

Ngokuvamile, uma uzithola usesimweni lapho ubhekene nobunzima bokuthola ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho lapho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka, inkinga eyinhloko ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho anikakwazi ukukhuluma kahle, ngaphandle kokuxabana kodwa ngokukhululekile , ngenxa yalokho izinkinga ziqala ukunqwabelana. Khona-ke, ngisho nesizathu esincane kakhulu singaba utshani obuphule umhlane wekamela.

“Ngihlale ngikhuthaza amakhasimende ami ukuthi akhulume nabashade nabo ngokuthula, kodwa uma ngithi “khuluma” angiqondile ukulwa, nganginekhasimende elalifona litshele umyeni walo konke akwenzile okungalungile futhi lihlale liqala ukulwa, egameni “lokuxhumana.” Ekugcineni, lagcina limxoshe emshadweni,” kusho uGopa.

Ekhuluma ngezikhathi ezineziyaluyalu emshadweni wakhe, uJessica wasitshela, “Ngachitha izinyanga eziningi ngizama ukuthola indlela yokwenza umyeni wami angifune futhi futhi okwangimangaza, kwakuyindaba nje yokudlula imingcele yami futhi ngibe sengozini yokuba naye futhi.” Lapho esethathe isinqumo sokwethembeka kumngane wakhe womshado, wavula ithuba elanele lokuzama ukulungisa umshado wabo. Yingakho nje ukuxhumana kubaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni noma emshadweni.

9. Lungela ukwamukela iqiniso

Okokugcina, ngemva kwayo yonke imizamo yakho, uma owakwakho engakazimisele ukuba semshadweni, sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uguqule ukugxila kwakho ebuhlungwini obuzobangelwa ukuhlukana kwakho uye enkambweni elandelayo yesenzo. Yiba neqiniso kuwena futhi wamukele lokho ukuphila okukulethela indlela yakho. “Thembela ezindleleni zakho zokubhekana nesimo, kungaba iholidi, ukuchitha isikhathi nabantu obathandayo, noma ukwenza izinto ozilibazisayo kanye nezinto othanda ukuzenza.Ziqambe kabusha, futhi kukho konke okwaziyo, owakwakho angase abuyele kulokhu okusha okuthuthukile,” kusho uGopa.

Okungafanele Ukwenze Uma Kuwena Kuphela Ozama Ukusindisa Umshado Wakho

Lapho ubhekene nobunzima obungenakunqotshwa bokuthola ukuthi ungawusindisa kanjani umshado wakho lapho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka, abantu ngokuvamile bagcina benza izinto noma behileleka ekuziphatheni okufanele bakugweme. Izenzo ezinjalo zilimaza kakhulu kunokuhle futhi zonakalise amathuba akho okusindisa umshado. Nazi izinto ezimbalwa okungafanele uzenze uma kunguwe wedwa ozama ukuthola ukuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado:

• Yeka ukudlala umdlalo wokusola. Kuzokwenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle
• Ungacabangi izinto. Buza umlingani wakho isisusa sakhe noma inhloso yakhe ngemuva kokusho noma ukwenza abakushilo noma abakwenzile
• Fight fair. Ungabi njalo ukungahloniphi umlingani wakho phakathi nezingxabano
• Ungambambeleli isithandwa sakho amagqubu noma amagqubu
• Gwema ukuveza imizwa engemihle yezimpi zangesikhathi esidlule
• Ungazibambi noma uzilawule. Banike indawo nenkululeko yabo

Emshadweni onempilo, abalingani kufanele babe nemingcele eyisisekelo endaweni kanye nokuhloniphana. Ungazami 'indlela yami noma umgwaqo onguthelawayeka'. Kuzokwenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle futhi kucekele phansi noma yini esele ebuhlotsheni benu, kwenze kube nzima kakhulu ukusindisa umshado wenu esahlukaniso. Siyethemba ukuthi lezi zikhombisi-ndlela zokuthi yini ongafanele ukwenze uma owakwakho esewuphonse ithawula emshadweni futhi uwena wedwa ozama ukuwusindisa.

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Kudinga abantu ababili ukuze kube ne-tango. Ubudlelwano noma umshado udinga ukuthi bobabili abalingani basebenzise isikhathi namandla abo ngokulinganayo ukuze busebenze. Awukwazi ukulungisa ubuhlobo wedwa. Umlingani wakho kuzodingeka enze umzamo othile. Kodwa-ke, uma umlingani wakho ezimisele kakhulu ukuqeda izinto, singaphakamisa ukuthi uvumele lokho kudlule. Akunasizathu sokuqhubeka nomshado lapho umlingani oyedwa engatshali khona nhlobo. Kungcono ukuhlukana ngezivumelwano ezinhle kunokuba nokulwa njalo nokungezwani.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.