Izimpawu Ezingu-14 Zobudlelwano Obunamasiphithiphithi Namathiphu angu-5 Wokukulungisa

Iningi lethu liyawathanda ama-roller coaster emapaki okuzijabulisa kodwa lapho ubudlelwano bethu buba mnandi, akuseyona intokozo. Yilokho kanye ubudlelwano obunesiyaluyalu obuzizwa bunjani. Umbhangqwana onobuhlobo obunjalo uzwa isiphithiphithi esiqhubekayo kanye nesiyaluyalu ngaphandle kokuzwana emishadweni yabo. Kuyisenzakalo esicindezelayo, uma sikubeka ngobumnene.

Kubi ngisho nempilo yakho. A cwaningo kwenziwa ku-2007 ukuze kuhlaziywe ukuhlangana phakathi kwezici ezingezinhle zobudlelwano obuseduze kanye nengozi eyengeziwe yesifo senhliziyo. Bathole ukuthi labo ababika ubuhlobo obuseduze "obubi" babe nokwanda kwe-34% engozini yokuthuthukisa izinkinga zenhliziyo. Umqeqeshi wobudlelwano kanye nomfundisi wezocansi Kelly Gonsalves yabelana ngezimbangela eziyinhloko zokungajabuli ebudlelwaneni: Ukungqubuzana okuqhubekayo, okungaxazululiwe, ukucindezeleka okuvela kwezinye izingxenye zempilo, amaphethini okuxhumana angenampilo, ukusebenzisana, ukulahlekelwa ubuntu noma ukuzimela, ukuntuleka kokusondelana nokwethembeka, nokungazethembi.

Ungase uzibuze: Kodwa ingabe ubudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu buhlala njalo? Inhlolovo ithole ukuthi u-60% wabantu kungenzeka bahlale ebudlelwaneni abangabutholi bunelisayo ngoba sebejwayele ukuyekethisa. Izibalo ezidabukisayo. Yingakho, namuhla, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esinolwazi ngokuhlukumezeka Anushtha Mishra (M.Sc. Counseling Psychology), ogxile ekuhlinzekeni ukwelashwa kokuhlukumezeka, nezindaba zobudlelwane, ubhala ukuze akusize uqonde kangcono ukuthi buyini ubudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu, izimpawu zabo, nokuthi bungalungiswa kanjani.

Buyini Ubudlelwano Obubi?

Isiyaluyalu ngokuyisisekelo elinye igama elisho ukuphazamisa noma ukukhathazeka. Ngakho-ke ubuhlobo obunezinxushunxushu busho inyunyana echazwa yisiyaluyalu nezinxushunxushu. Ubudlelwano obungenampilo obubonakala ngokulandelayo:

• Kukhona ukuphakama okudlulele kanye nokwehla okuvame ukuphindaphinda
• Ubudlelwano obunjalo obushintshashintshayo bungaba nobuthi, okusho ukuthi akukho ukulawulwa kwemizwa
• Anikwazi ukubikezela ukuthi omunye wenu uzocasuka nini
• Ukucasuka okukhulu ngokomzwelo kuvamile lapho umbhangqwana unobudlelwane obunesiyaluyalu
• Ukungaqiniseki kuyingxenye enkulu yalolu hlobo lokuguquguquka futhi ukungazinzi okunjalo njalo kunzima kakhulu kubantu

A cwaningo kubonisa ukuthi ukungaqiniseki kungakhuphula ama-hormone ethu okucindezeleka. Uma ubuchopho bungakwazi ukunciphisa ukungaqiniseki, buthwalisa umuntu 'umthwalo we-allostatic' onomthelela ekungasebenzi kahle kwesistimu nobuchopho (inkumbulo ekhubazekile, i-atherogenesis, isifo sikashukela, kanye nezenzakalo ezilandelayo ze-cardio ne-cerebrovascular). Yebo, noma yibuphi ubudlelwano obunempilo buhlanganisa ukungqubuzana futhi kodwa umehluko ukuthi akuhlali ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi hhayi ngezinga elikhulu kangaka.

Kungase kube nzima ukukubona uma usothandweni oluguquguqukayo. Kuholela ekudumazekeni ebudlelwaneni lapho ubona ukuthi bebungenampilo sonke lesi sikhathi.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyisi-7 Ozizwa Ungakhululekile Ebudlelwaneni Bakho Nezinto Ezi-3 Ongayenza

Izimpawu Eziyi-14 Zobudlelwane Obunamasiphithiphithi

Ubudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu abunampilo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Akekho ongahlala futhi asingathe ukucindezeleka okungaka nomlingani wakhe. Kungaba nezinxushunxushu ebudlelwaneni kodwa angeke kube isimo esihlala sikhona. Kudingeka kube nokulinganisela phakathi nenani elinempilo lezinselelo bobabili abalingani ababhekana nazo, lapho bezizwa bezwiwa futhi bezwana ngokomzwelo.

Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ngabe ungenile yini ubudlelwano obunobuthi ngoba kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho ungasebenzela ukulenza libe nempilo noma uphume kulo. Ngezansi kunezimpawu ezimbalwa okufanele uzibheke uma uzizwa usothandweni olunamatshe kanje.

1. Ubambekile emjikelezweni omubi wokulwa

Umjikelezo ononya uyiphethini yemicabango nezenzo lapho bobabili abalingani bebambeka ekulweni, ukuziphindiselela, futhi, ngokunokwenzeka, ukucabanga okungalungile okuhlobene nabalingani babo. Izingxabano ziqala ukwanda kakhulu, futhi izikhathi ezinhle ziqala ukuba zincipha.

Uma lokhu kuchaza ubudlelwano bakho, ngiyaxolisa ukukuphula, kodwa usebudlelwaneni obunezinxushunxushu. Ukubambeka kulokhu umjikelezo wokulwa isikhathi eside kuyingozi kokubili ubudlelwano kanye nempilo yakho iyonke.

A cwaningo kwenziwa ukuze kuqondwe izitayela zokuxazulula izingxabano emshadweni. Kutholwe ukuthi ozakwethu abanelisekile basebenzisa isitayela sokusebenzisana kanti ozakwethu abasemishadweni engagculisekile basebenzisa indlela yokugwema ukungqubuzana njengoba ubuyobona ebudlelwaneni obunesiyaluyalu. Ukuziphatha komngane womshado okungekuhle nezingxabano ezingaxazululiwe kunomthelela omkhulu empilweni engokwengqondo nengokomzimba yabo bobabili abalingani.

2. Ukukhohlisa sekuphenduke umkhuba

Uma ungicela ukuthi ngichaze ubudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu ngegama elilodwa, kungaba ukukhohlisa. Ubungeke uze ukubone lokho kukhohlisana kodwa kube isisekelo sobudlelwano benu. Uma uvame ukuzizwa unecala futhi uzibuza ukuthi ingabe kuyiphutha lakho ngaso sonke isikhathi, lokho kuwuphawu lokuthi ubhekene nokukhohlisa. Ubudlelwano obunjalo obunesiphithiphithi abunampilo ngokwemvelo.

Uthando ngamabhomu iwuhlobo lokukhohlisa phakathi kokunye, njengokuziphatha kokungenzi lutho, ukukhanya kwegesi, ukuthula buthule, kanye nezinsongo ezicashile noma ezisobala. Uma lezi zenzo zikhona ekuguquguqukeni kwakho, kusho ukuthi ungumbhangqwana onobudlelwane obunesiyaluyalu.

3. Izinga eliphakeme ebudlelwaneni - injabulo

Uthando olunobuthi ngokuvamile luhlotshaniswa nokuphakama okuqinile lapho bobabili abalingani bezizwa benothando kakhulu, futhi ukwehla okuphansi kuvame ukuholela ekucindezelekeni nomuzwa ojwayelekile wokuba nengcindezi isikhathi eside.

Kucishe kufane nephilisi, umuthi. Izikhungo zomvuzo zobuchopho ziyakhanya lapho ukuphakama kuphezulu kakhulu. Ukuphakama kanye nemizwa eyakhayo kungase kube okwesikhashana kodwa abantu ngokuvamile bahlala kulawa mandla angasebenzi asekelwa ukulangazelela ukushesha okulandelayo kwe-endorphin.

4. I-Codependency ingolunye uphawu lobudlelwano obunesiyaluyalu

I-Codependency ebudlelwaneni ngendlela elula ukunamathela okungenampilo lapho umlingani oyedwa, noma bobabili, bengenakho ukuzimela noma ukuzimela. Okuxakayo lapha ukuthi anifanelani noma anizizwa nijabule nindawonye, ​​nokho nisondelene kakhulu, othandweni, noma nincike komunye nomunye ukuze nihlukane.

A cwaningo eyanyatheliswa ku-American Psychological Association ithole ukuthi abantu bayakhuthazeka ukuthi bahlale ebudlelwaneni obungagculisi kangako ngenxa yomlingani wabo wothando uma becabanga ukuthi umlingani wabo ubadinga kakhulu.

Uma uhlala isikhathi eside ebudlelwaneni obuphazamisekile, buba yingozi kakhulu futhi buzicekele phansi. Akuwona nje umjikelezo ononya wokulwa kodwa futhi nobuthi. Yisikhathi sokuthi ucabange uma lokhu kuwukunamathela nje, uthando, noma ukulutheka. I-Codependency iyifulegi elikhulu elibomvu futhi ayinayo indawo ebudlelwaneni obunempilo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezingu-15 Ezingenakuphikwa Zobudlelwano Obuzimele

5. Ukuzenzisa manje sekuyinto yansuku zonke

Ungaveza ukuthi ukomunye walabo budlelwano be-Instagram #couplegoals kodwa ngaphakathi enhliziyweni yakho, uyazi ukuthi uyazenzisa. Uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Kusho ukuthini ukuba nobudlelwano obunesiyaluyalu?”, lena impendulo yakho.

Indawo oyibekile iphansi kakhulu uma ukuqhosha ebudlelwaneni kwamukelekile kuwena. Phakathi ku inyunyana enempilo, kukhona ubuqotho nokwethembeka. Sincane kakhulu isikhala sokushukuma okubukisayo nesiwubukhazikhazi kodwa imizamo engaguquki nezinikele.

6. Niyahlukana bese niyalungisana

Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuhlukana bese nibuyelana kwenzeka ngoba umbhangqwana udinga isikhathi esithile sokuphumula ukuze ubone ukuthi ufuna ukuba ndawonye ngempela. Kodwa-ke, uma nizithola nihlukana nyanga zonke nibuyelane futhi, kuwuphawu lokuthi wena noma isithandwa sakho ningaba umuntu onesiphithiphithi, futhi ubudlelwano bungase bungazinzi.

Lokhu kwenzeka kakhulu ngenxa yokuntula ukusondelana ngokomzwelo, nokungakhulumisani kahle kanye amakhono okuxazulula izingxabano nginothize engithandananaye. Lobu budlelwano bothando nenzondo bungathinta impilo yakho yengqondo, kwehlise ukuzethemba kwakho kakhulu.

7. Akukho ukwethembana esiphithiphithini

Leli phuzu liwuphawu olusobala kodwa oluvame ukunganakwa lobudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu. Uma uzwa sengathi awumethembi umlingani wakho noma ufuna ukwaziswa mayelana nakho konke okwenziwa umlingani wakho, sekuyisikhathi sokucabangisisa ukuthi lokhu kukutshelani ngobunjalo bobudlelwano benu.

Uma uzithola uthumela umlayezo kumlingani wakho ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho bengekho futhi ungakwazi ukuzibamba ucasukile lapho kukhona ukubambezeleka ekuphenduleni kwabo, sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ubize i-spade futhi lobu budlelwano bube inyunyana engenampilo futhi ekhathazayo. Mhlawumbe uze ucabange ngokuqaphela ukuthi nawe ungase ube umuntu onesiyaluyalu.

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8. Ukuzinyeza okuningi kuwuphawu lobudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu

Cabanga emuva ukuthi ubunjani ngaphambi kwalobu budlelwano. Mhlawumbe ubungumuntu oziqhenyayo nozethembayo owazi ukwenza ikhekhe futhi ulidle futhi. Futhi-ke, umbono wakho ngawe washintsha ngemva kokuqala ukuthandana nalo muntu. Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho ulokhu ethi “Awukwanele” izikhathi eziningi kangangokuthi usuqalile ukukukholelwa. Lokhu kuchaza ubudlelwano obunesiyaluyalu - lapho umlingani wakho ekwehlisela phansi, okubangela ukungabaza.

Into eyingozi kakhulu ngalolu hlobo lobudlelwano ukuthi luthinta amandla akho okuthatha izinqumo futhi luthathe nenjabulo yakho. Abantu abebesebudlelwaneni obunezinxushunxushu bayehluleka ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo, obusha ngenxa yokungabaza ukuzibheka kwabo. Lokhu futhi kuyanda ukungaqiniseki ebudlelwaneni.

9. Nibambana amagqubu amaningi

Uma wena noma umlingani wakho nibe semoyeni yokuhlasela isikhathi eside nilindele enye ingxabano lapho ningadubula khona nibulale, nisebudlelwaneni obunesiyaluyalu. Olunye lwezimpawu noma izimpawu zomuntu onesiphithiphithi yilapho ebambe amagqubu amaningi ngaphandle kokukhuluma naye.

Ucwaningo ukutadisha lokho okushiwo ukubamba igqubu ngezinkumbulo ezilimazayo bathole ukuthi “ukubamba amagqubu kubangela imizwelo ephikisayo, kanye ne-electromyogram (EMG) ephakeme kakhulu, ukuziphatha kwesikhumba, ukushaya kwenhliziyo, kanye nomfutho wegazi oshintshayo kusukela kwesisekelo okubonisa ukuhuzuka kwempilo.”

Wake wezwa ngomphumela we-snowball? Kunjalo nje, impi ingaqala ngento encane kodwa ilokhu igingqika futhi ulokhu ufaka amafutha kuphethiloli, ufuna nje ukubalimaza kakhulu ngangokunokwenzeka. Cishe ngokudelela okumsulwa.

10. Uzizwa uhlukanisiwe futhi uvalelwe ekhoneni

Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu ezidabukisa kakhulu zokuba sebudlelwaneni obunesiyaluyalu kanye nezimpawu eziqinisekile zomuntu onesiphithiphithi. Uma umlingani wakho ekutshela ukuthi ungaboni omunye umuntu osondelene nawe, okuhlanganisa abangani nomndeni, ngokungagunci noma ngokusobala, lokho kuyinkinga enkulu. ubuhlobo ifulege elibomvu ukuthi, uma kunganakwa, kungaba yingozi.

Hlala kulobu budlelwano isikhathi eside ngokwanele futhi uzolahlekelwa ugqozi lokwenza umzamo wokubona abantu obathandayo ngaphandle kokukhathala okulethwa yilolu hlobo lobudlelwano obunesiphithiphithi.

11. Uzizonda ngempela izinto eziningi ngomuntu wakho

Inzondo yigama elinamandla futhi uma ungakuvimbi ukulisebenzisa futhi uvame ukuliqondisa kumlingani wakho, elinye ifulegi elibomvu elikhulu kanye nophawu lobudlelwano obunesiyaluyalu. Cabanga ngalokhu, ingabe uyayizonda indlela umlingani wakho aziphatha ngayo nabangane bakho nomndeni wakho? Ingabe uzithola ucasuka ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho benza okuthile okuncane njengokubhodla ngesikhathi bedla? Uma kunjalo, kuwuphawu lokuthi ubudlelwano obungenampilo.

Umsuka wale nzondo cishe ubangelwa izingxabano ezifihliwe, ezingaxazululiwe phakathi kobudlelwane noma ngaphandle kwabo. Kodwa uma uzama ukushintsha umlingani wakho ngaso sonke isikhathi, akubona ubuhlobo obuzinzile. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama kangakanani, umlingani wakho akasoze waba umuntu ongeyena.

12. Unezinketho zakho ezivuliwe

Nobabili nindawonye kodwa nifuna nabanye abantu enizothandana nabo ngoba ekujuleni kwenhliziyo niyazi ukuthi akuyena umuntu okulungele wena. Uma ugcina izinketho zakho zivulekile ngale ndlela, kusho ukuthi ubuhlobo obunesiyaluyalu. Uma unohlelo oluyisipele uma kwenzeka izinto nomuntu wakho wamanje zingaphumeleli, lokho kusho ukuthi kukhona okukusebenzele ebudlelwaneni.

13. Wena noma isithandwa sakho ninokuthambekela kokuhlukumeza

Kwesinye isikhathi, ukuphikisana nokungahloniphi kudlulela ezingeni elisha neliphazamisayo lokuhlukumeza. Yiba njalo ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo, ngokwengqondo, noma ngokomzimba. Uma uzizwa usaba noma uhlehla lapho umlingani wakho eseduze, noma ngabe akahlukumezi ngokomzimba, lokho kuyisizathu sangempela sokukhathazeka.

Ukuthambekela kokuhlukumeza kungase kube okucashile futhi kungase kube nzima ukukuvuma ekuqaleni. Ukulawula ngokudala ukwesaba kuwumongo wanoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuhlukumeza, okungaba sobala njengosongo noma kube sobala njengokudelela.

Ngokocwaningo lukaZwelonke luka-2010 olusondelene nomlingani osondelene naye kanye nodlame locansi olwenziwe yiCenters for Disease Control and Prevention, owesifazane oyedwa kwabathathu kanye noyedwa kwabangu-4 besilisa bake babhekana nohlobo oluthile lokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba ngumlingani osondelene naye. Lokhu kuhlanganisa izinhlobonhlobo zokuziphatha (isb, ukushaya ngezimpama, ukusunduza, ukusunduza, njll.).

14. Ubudlelwano bakho buthinta impilo yakho yengqondo

Abukho ubudlelwano lapho ukwehla nokwenyuka kungekho khona. Ukuxabana nophathina wakho isikhathi esithile kuyinto evamile kodwa uma kuba yingxenye ebalulekile yobudlelwano benu, lokho kuyinkinga enkulu.

Ebudlelwaneni obunezinxushunxushu, uvamise ukuzizwa udabukile eduze komlingani wakho, ukhala kakhulu, futhi uzizwe engajabule ebudlelwaneni futhi iphukile ngaphakathi. Uma lokhu kuqhubeka, kungathinta inhlalakahle yakho engokwengqondo namandla akho engqondo.

Amathiphu angu-5 Okulungisa Ubudlelwano Obunamasiphithiphithi

Manje njengoba sesiyazazi izimpawu eziyisixwayiso zobudlelwano obulimazayo, into esobala okufanele uzibuze ukuthi ubudlelwano bungasindiswa noma abukho ithemba. Ukucosha izingcezu zobudlelwano obulahlekile isikhathi eside kungazizwa kuwumsebenzi ongenakwenzeka kodwa uma bobabili abalingani befaka umzamo, kungenzeka.

Ngezansi kukhona amathiphu ambalwa okuthi ungabuguqula kanjani ubudlelwano bakho obuqinile bube obunempilo.

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1. Vulekele ukuxhumana

Lapho imibhangqwana ijwayela ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile, bobabili abalingani bakhuluma ngenhlonipho bebeka iphuzu labo phambili ngaphandle kokusola noma ukulimaza ngokuhlambalaza okugxekayo. Baphinde balalele omunye nomunye futhi bazame ukuqonda ukuthi umlingani wabo uthini ngozwela kunokuba bamphazamise futhi bakhombise okulungile nokungalungile endabeni yabo.

2. Yakhani ukwethembana

Ukwethemba umlingani wakho kusho ukuthi uthembele kuye ngoba uzizwa uvikelekile ngokwazi ukuthi umlingani wakho ngeke akuhlukumeze noma akuhlukumeze. Ngakho, ukwakha ukwethemba umlingani wakho mhlawumbe ngokusebenzisa ukwethembana umzimba for imibhangqwana kubaluleke kakhulu njengoba uma ubathemba kakhulu, uzojabula ngokwengeziwe ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ukwethembana okwengeziwe kusho ukuthi nawe usengozini enkulu nabo, okuvula indlela eya ekwakhekeni kwenyunyana enempilo.

3. Funda izindlela ezisebenzayo zokuxazulula izingxabano

Ukungakwazi ukuxazulula izingxabano kungenye yezimpawu ezinkulu zobudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu, ngakho-ke, ukufunda amakhono asebenzayo okuxazulula izingxabano kubalulekile ukuze ukulungise. Lokhu ungakwenza ngokufunda ukuzindla ngezindaba ezijulile, uvume ukungavumelani, nangokuyekethisa lapho kudingekile.

4. Beka imingcele nomlingani wakho

Setting imingcele enempilo ebuhlotsheni nophathina wakho futhi kuyikhono elisebenzayo lokuxazulula izingxabano futhi, ngokulandelayo, lingasindisa ubudlelwano benu ezinxushunxushwini. Beka imingcele kusukela ekuqaleni kobudlelwane bakho. Ungavumeli umlingani wakho akulawule izinqumo zakho. Thembeka kumlingani wakho ngalokho okudingayo futhi ulalele nezidingo zomlingani wakho.

5. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Uma kunenkinga ongeke ukwazi ukuyixazulula uwedwa ebudlelwaneni bakho, njengokuba nenkinga yokuveza imizwa yakho noma ukungaboni ngaso linye okungaxazululeki, xhumana nomeluleki wabashadikazi bese ucela usizo. Kwa-Bonobology, sinikeza usizo lochwepheshe ngokusebenzisa yethu iphaneli yabeluleki abanelayisensi ongakusiza ukuthi ungene endleleni eya ekululameni.

Ungabushiya Kanjani Ubudlelwano Obunamasiphithiphithi

Uzame konke okusemandleni akho ukulungisa izinxushunxushu zobudlelwano, futhi kubonakala sengathi akukho okusebenzayo. Ngakho, unqume ukuhamba. Siyaqonda ukuthi lesi akubanga yisinqumo sasebusuku, futhi sihambisana nawe. Nazi izinkomba zethu ezingu-12 zokuthi ungabushiya kanjani ubudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu:

1. Tshela umlingani wakho, uma uzizwa uphephile ngokwanele ukwenza kanjalo

Ungahlukana kanjani nomlingani ohlukumezayo? I-Reddit umsebenzisi waphendula owasinda wathi, “Ungahlali kuleyondlu ukuze umtshele mathupha. Uhamba ngesizathu. Ungazibeki esimweni sokuphinde uhlukunyezwe…” 

Omunye umuntu oseluchungechungeni olufanayo uyeluleka: “Shiya inothi. Mvimbele.” Siyavuma. 

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2. Xoxa ngezezimali, izomthetho, kanye nempahla

Uma ubheke ukuvikela ikusasa lakho futhi uqinisekise ukuthi uthola ingxenye yakho yempahla/imali, udinga ukubonisana nommeli. Ungathola isevisi ye-pro bono ku-inthanethi noma iqembu labasekeli bezomthetho lapho ungathola khona izeluleko zobudlelwano obunesiyaluyalu mahhala.

3. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi awushadile noma ushadile, phatha kahle izingane nezilwane ezifuywayo

Esihogweni esisemthethweni sokugcinwa ngokuhlanganyela noma uwedwa, izibopho zezimali nokuthi ubani onakekela ukuthi zingaki izilwane ezifuywayo, noma isimo esidabukisayo esithi “Angisafuni ukunakekela izingane/izilwane ezifuywayo”, into yokuqala okufanele uyenze ukuba nengxoxo nezingane. 

• Qiniseka ukuthi bayazi ukuthi akulona iphutha labo
• Banike uthando oluningi
• Ziphendulele futhi uxolise ngokuthi lokhu kubathinta kanjani
• Batshele inguqulo ehlanziwe kodwa ethembekile yokuthi kungani ubudlelwano bungasebenzanga
• Ngena nabo njalo
• Bandakanya abangani/umndeni ekubanikezeni induduzo nokuzijabulisa uma (ngokuqondakalayo) ungakwazi ukwenza kanjalo isikhathi esithile
• Ungalokothi ukhiphe ukukhungatheka kwakho kubo
• Kulungile uma ungakwazi ukukwenza konke. Abancane bazokwazi ukuthi ukulungele, ngisho noma wenza amaphutha

Futhi, khumbula: Ukuhlukana kwakho kuthinta isilwane sakho futhi. Ngakho-ke banikeze izibiliboco kanye nokugonwa okwengeziwe kanye nesikhathi sokudlala, banakekele njengoba wenza, ukunikeze umngane omethembayo usuku lapho udinga ikhefu. Yiba mnene kubo kulokhu kwehla nokwenyuka.

4. Uma nihlala ndawonye, ​​nqumani usuku olumisiwe lokuhlukana

Akumele uhambe ngokushesha. Kwesinye isikhathi, kuba nezingxoxo ezisondelene okufanele zibe nazo njengoba ubudlelwano be-rollercoaster noma umshado onesiphithiphithi uphela. Ngezinye izikhathi, kunezindaba zansuku zonke okufanele zinakekelwe. Ushintsho oluhamba kancane ngokunengqondo lusebenza kwabaningi. 

5. Ungabushiya kanjani ubudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu ngendlela enempilo? Thatha usizo

Nasi isibonelo sombhalo ongawuthumela kumuntu omethembayo: “Hey, ngingadinga ngempela ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo ezinsukwini ezizayo.” Noma “Ngizodinga usizo oluthile kulesi sikhathi sokuhlukaniswa. Ngingaliboleka iloli lakho?” Noma “Ungangilanda?” Vumela abantu bakubonise. Futhi, ungangabazi ukufuna isiqondiso eqenjini losekelo eliku-inthanethi. Noma umeluleki wokuhlukana/nokuhlukana.

6. Yenza uhlu lwezingxenye ezibuhlungu zomshado noma ubuhlobo bakho obunezinxushunxushu

Uyazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngaleso sikhathi uma umuntu ekuphatha kabi. Kodwa uma ubheka emuva, ungase ube othethelelayo ngokwengeziwe ezinxushunxushwini zobuhlobo noma wenze uthando oludlule ekhanda lakho. Kungakho igama elibhaliwe lisiza, funa ukhohlwe ukuthi izinto bezimbi kangakanani (zimbi). 

• Bhala phansi ukuthi ubuzizwa kanjani nsuku zonke
• Bhala phansi izinto ezenziwa umlingani wakho ezikwenza uzizwe umncane noma wethukile

7. Yenza uhlu lwezinguquko ezinhle ozifunayo empilweni yakho

Yazi ukuthi yini oyilindele ngabomvu. Lokhu kungaba iziqinisekiso futhi: "Ngifanele ukuzinza, ukwethembeka, uthando, nomusa okuvela kimina, kwabathandekayo bami, kanye nomlingani wami." Kubhale phansi, ngaphandle kokuhlolwa. 

8. Uma ubuhlobo bebuhlukumeza, yazi ukuthi akulona iphutha lakho uma ungakwazi ukuphuma ngokushesha.

Lokhu esihlokweni inamaqiniso athile abalulekile kuwe uma ungohlukunyeziwe. Ngokusho kwe Uxhaso Lwasekhaya Lwabudlova Basekhaya, kuthatha isilinganiso semizamo eyisikhombisa ukuze umuntu ekugcineni ashiye umlingani ohlukumezayo. “Izikhathi eziningi, ukushiya ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo akuwona nje ubunzima ngokomzwelo kodwa kungase kubeke ukuphila engozini,” kusho i-One Love's CEO, uKatie Hood.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kungani Intombi Yami Ingishaya? Uchwepheshe Uhlanganyela Izizathu Ezingenzeka Eziyi-11 Nezindlela Zokubhekana Nazo

9. Zigcine uxhumene nalabo abakunika amandla, hhayi ukuqeda amandla

Lesi isizwe sakho phakathi nale nqubo yokuhlukana:

• Abantu abakuphakamisayo nezinqumo zakho
• Abantu abazokukhumbuza indlela oyihlosile
• Abantu abangakugcina usemoyeni omuhle
• Abantu abakuvumela ukuthi udabuke isikhathi eside njengoba udinga

10. Zinike isikhathi sokujabula nokuphumula

Ukubalwa kokuwina okuncane. Ngeke ukwazi ukwenza lokhu nganoma iyiphi indlela enengqondo uma ungenzi izinto ezikunikeza injabulo nomuzwa othile wokuzijabulisa. Ngakho gcwalisa ingqondo yakho nesidingo esiyisisekelo sokulala nokuthula. Ungakwenzi lokhu kube umsebenzi onzima kakhulu kunalokho okudingeka ube yikho. Kungenzeka ukuzindla kukwenza ulale noma mhlawumbe ukubuka okwesabisayo kuyi-jam yakho; noma yini eyenza iqhinga, yenze.

11. Ungawi usuka kolunye ugibe uye kolunye

Ososayensi badwebe ukufana phakathi kwezenzakalo ezizuzisa ngokwemvelo ezihlobene nothando lomuntu kanye nokukhuthazwa okwenziwe ngokusetshenziswa kwezinto eziluthayo njengotshwala, i-heroin, noma i-cocaine. 

Ngakho-ke, uma uhlobo oluthile lokuphakeme likushiya, ungajahi olunye - noma ngabe uthando olunobuthi noma ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa. Kungakho udinga ithimba labantu, iziqinisekiso zakho siqu, nokuhlola okungokoqobo ukuze uzikhumbuze ngendlela ofuna ukuba kuyo ngempela.

12. Ungazami ukuba umngane nomuntu othandana naye ngenxa yecala noma isibopho

"Abanaye umuntu. Bacasulwa. Akekho obathola njengami." — Akukho nesisodwa salezi zizathu esicabangela iqiniso lokuthi udinga isikhathi nendawo ukuze udabuke futhi uphulukise. Futhi, akekho kini owaziyo ukuthi ningaba kanjani umngane omuhle komunye nomunye njengamanje. Futhi ake sibhekane nakho, awukwazi ukuba "umngani nje."

I-Reddit umsebenzisi wathi, "Ngeke ngithethelele ukufuna ukusondelana njengomzamo wokugcina isithandwa sami singumngane. Ngeke ngikwazi ukukhokhela ubungane kuze kube yilapho sengibaqedile ngokuphelele futhi ngingasavuswa ngisho nakude. Futhi kulungile uma singahlali singabangane. Ukuqhubekela phambili kuwuphawu lokukhula komuntu siqu."

Ubudlelwano obunezinxushunxushu bunamandla okonakalisa ukuzethemba kwakho, noma bukwenze uzonde ubudlelwano ngokujwayelekile. Uma ungazibheki izimpawu, ungase ungaboni nokuthi ukomunye ngoba zingahamba kancane kancane, bese kuthi kungazelelwe uzithole usujule kakhulu emanzini.

Into yokugcina obungathanda ukuyenza ukuhlala uphika. Thatha izinyathelo ezidingekayo ukuze ulungise isimo noma uhambe. Uma ulapha ufunda lokhu, kungenzeka ukuthi wena usebudlelwaneni obungenampilo noma kungenzeka wazi othile okhona. Thatha lokho kwethembeka kuwena ngaphambi kokuba lobu budlelwano bukugubungele, futhi ubeke phambili wena.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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