Ukukhashelwa kungenye yezinto ezimbi kakhulu ezenzeka emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Uma ukwethembana kwakho kuphelile, kuba nzima ukuthi ubuhlobo buqhubeke. Ungase ungalokothi ufunde indlela yokuqeda ukukopela kodwa isiqephu sokungathembeki akudingeki sichaze impilo yakho yonke futhi akufanele sikubeke ebuhlotsheni nothando lokuhle.
Yiqiniso, ukuqhubekela phambili ngemva kokukhohliswa kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Ukukhashelwa komlingani wakho kuyohlale kukhuphuka kodwa uma ugcina ingqondo evulekile futhi uzimisele ukwenza isiqalo esisha, khona-ke kungenzeka ukuqeda ubuhlungu bokungathembeki. Ukudlula umuntu owakopela futhi waqamba amanga kuwe kungase kubonakale kuwumgwaqo omude. Kodwa ngalezi zinyathelo ezingu-15, kungenzeka ngempela.
Ukuze sikusize uqonde ukuthi kanjani, sikulethela imininingwane evela kuchwepheshe wezengqondo owelulekayo u-Kavita Panyam (Ochwepheshe Kwezengqondo kanye nenxusa lamazwe ngamazwe ne-American Psychological Association), obelokhu esiza izithandani ukuthi zixazulule izinkinga zabo zobudlelwano iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabili.
Indlela Yokudlula Ukukopela - Izindlela Eziphusile eziyi-15 Zokuvala Isahluko
Okuqukethwe
Uma umlingani wakho engathembekile kuwe, kungokwemvelo ukuba nemibuzo ebhukuda ekhanda lakho. Kungani kwenzeka? Kwenzeke kanjani? Indlela yokuqeda ukukopela? Ungakuyeka kanjani ukucabanga ngokukhohliswa? Uyibuyisela kanjani impilo yomuntu ngohlelo nokunye.
"Ukusuka ngokuphelele ebuhlotsheni lapho ukhashelwe khona iyona ndlela kuphela. Ukungathembeki kuyindlela yokuhlukumeza futhi ukuhlala endaweni kungadala isiphithiphithi," kusho. Kavita Panyam, "Ukuphuma nokuqhubekela phambili kuyisinqumo esinesibindi okufanele usenze uma ucabanga ukuthi ungaqeda kanjani ukukopela. Udinga uhlelo oluhle lokusekela futhi usebenzele ekululameni kwakho kokungathembeki ngendlela enempilo."
Nazi ezinye izindlela ezinengqondo, ezisebenzayo zokuvala isahluko, ukubhekana nayo yonke leyo mizwa engcolile ngemva kokukhohliswa futhi uphile impilo entsha.
1. Yazi imininingwane
Ukusinda ekukhapheleni ingenye yezinselele ezinkulu empilweni, kodwa isinyathelo sokuqala lapho uqaphela ukuthi ukhohlisiwe ukuze uqondise amaqiniso akho. Udinga ukwazi yonke into - udaba, okuholele kukho, ukuthi kwenzeka kangaki njll ngaphambi kokuthatha noma yisiphi isinqumo. Qiniseka ukuthi unalo lonke ulwazi futhi awuncikile nje enzwabeni noma ukwenza ngokusola nje.
Ukubona ukuthi mhlawumbe usabela ngokweqile noma ungamnikezi umlingani wakho ithuba lokuzichaza kungaba kubi kakhulu engqondweni yakho. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma ingaphendulwanga, le mibuzo izoqhubeka futhi ikwehlele kamuva ekuphileni. Ngakho-ke kungcono ukuklebhula i-band-aid, uthole yonke imininingwane, futhi wenze ngayo.
2. Zinike isikhathi sokulila ngenxa yokuxhumana
Kungenzeka ukuthi ulwela kanzima ukubuyela emuva ngemuva kokukhohliswa. Akuyona into ongayikhohlwa ngosuku. Ukuqeda umshado wakho ongasekho noma ubudlelwano ngeke kube lula ngoba ukuxhumana okuhlala njalo osuphumile kukho. “Ukuba lusizi kubalulekile, zinike isikhathi sokuxazulula imizwa yakho noma ubhekane nesimo sakho,” kusho uKavita.
Ukugibela i-rollercoaster ngokomzwelo kuzoqhubeka isikhashana futhi ngeke kube lula ukuthethelela ngisho noma uzibuza ukuthi ungadlula kanjani ukukopela. Ubuhlungu angeke buphele maduze, ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukuthi wamukele ukuthi imizwa yokushaqeka, ukuyaluza, ukwesaba, ukudangala nokudideka izohlala isikhashana.
3. Ngena ekwelashweni
Ungakuyeka kanjani ukucabanga ngokukhohliswa? Thola usizo oludingayo. U-Kavita uyasikisela, "Kufanele ucubungule konke okwenzekile. Uma usuthole ukwelashwa, ngisho noma unomlando wokuhlukumeza noma ukuphela kobudlelwane, uzokwazi ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho."
Ukwelashwa kukusiza ukuthi usheshise inqubo yokululama ukuze ubheke ukwenza iziqalo ezintsha esikhundleni sokuqunjelwa noma ukudangala. I umthwalo wemizwa okungenzeka ukuthi ushiye ngemuva kukhulu futhi akufani nabangane abangase bakwenze ukhohlwe okwedlule, ukwelashwa kukusiza ukuthi uvumelane nakho - isinyathelo esibalulekile ngenkathi uzulazula ukuthi ungadlula kanjani ukukopela.
4. Gwema ukungena ebudlelwaneni obubuyela emuva
Manje njengoba usuwedwa futhi ungenaye umlingani, ungase ube nesifiso sokufuna othile ngokothando futhi yilapho ingozi yokuxhumana okungahleliwe igadla. Ungase ucabange nje ukuthi ukuphazamiseka okusha kungase kukusize uzizwe ujabule ngemva kokukhohliswa.
Kodwa akwenzeki njalo. Qiniseka ukuthi isizungu asikuholeli buyisela kabusha ubudlelwano noma izindaba ezithinta imizwa njengoba zizokushiya ungenalutho noma udabukile.
"Isikhathi esibi kakhulu sokumema umuntu empilweni yakho yilapho usengcupheni kakhulu. Awumazi umuntu ozayo empilweni yakho, angaba ichibi elizolile noma inkanyamba engathinta wena nakakhulu," kusho uKavita. "Ungavumeli noma ngubani ukuthi asondele kuwe lapho untekenteke futhi usengozini."
5. Sukela kude nezitendi zobusuku obubodwa
Kuvunyiwe, yisilingo esikhulu. Ukuze ungabhekani nemizwa yakho ngemva kokukhohliswa, ungase ucabange ukuthi kulula kakhulu ukugxumela embhedeni nomuntu. Ungase ucabange ngisho kulungile ukuya ocansini nje njengoba uqhathwe umaqondana wakho vele. “Futhi, ukube ubusothandweni lapho umlingani wakho ekopela khona, impilo yakho yocansi kungenzeka ukuthi ibingasebenzi,” kusho uKavita.
“Kungokwemvelo ukuba izifiso zakho zivuke futhi ungase ufune ukuzanelisa.” Kodwa uma kumuntu ongalungile, la mabhondi angaxhunywanga azodala izinkinga ezengeziwe,” uyanezela. Ukugxumela ocansini olungavamile noma izitobhi zobusuku obubodwa ukuze ukhohlwe ubuhlungu ngeke kukufundise indlela yokuqeda ukukopela.
6. Naka izimali zakho
Nakuba ukugxila kwakho kokuqala kufanele kube ukuphulukisa ngemva kokukhohliswa, okwesibili kufanele kube ukuvikela izimali zakho. Uma usesikhathini esiphakathi kokuphuma nokufuna isehlukaniso, lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu. Ungavumeli ukudabuka kwakho kukwenze udilize kuze kufike lapho yonke into iqala ukuwohloka.
Ngokomzwelo, ungase uthinteke kakhulu ngenxa yokukhashelwa. Kodwa ngokuqinisekile ubungeke ufune ukuqolwa futhi ngokwezimali. Lawula izimali zakho, funa usizo lomeluleki noma umngane uma kudingeka. Futhi kancane kancane ezinye izingxenye zempilo zizovela.
7. Khetha kahle izilaleli zakho
Ithiphu elibalulekile encwadini ethi 'indlela yokuqeda ukukopela' ukukhetha ngokuhlakanipha abangani obathululela isifuba futhi ufune ukwesekwa kubo. “Ungadaluli izinkinga zakho zangasese kubo bonke kanye nabahlukahlukene,” kweluleka uKavita. “Yiba neqembu labangane elikhethiwe njengendawo oya kuyo.
"Ungase ulingeke ukuba ubambelele emahlombe abantu abakunikezayo ukuze bakusekele kodwa lokho kungakufaka enkingeni nasezinxushunxushwini njengoba yilapho uxhashazwa ngocansi noma ngemali. Imizwa yakho ngemva kokuqolwa akuwona wonke umuntu oyazi. Qaphela ukuthi uthole abantu abafanele ongatshala imali kubo ngokomzwelo futhi wabelane ngendaba yakho."
Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.
8. Zama ukungahluleli
Ungakuyeka kanjani ukucabanga ngokukhohliswa? Hhayi-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi ube nesipiliyoni esibi kodwa zama ukungabuki bonke ubudlelwano ngaleyo prism yodwa. Kungenzeka ukuthi ube nobudlelwano obuphumelelayo ngemuva kokukopela, okudingayo nje isimo sengqondo esihle kanye nokuzimisela ukunikeza impilo elinye ithuba.
Ungahambi ne'wonke amadoda angamaqili' noma 'bonke abesifazane abaqotho' inqubo yokucabanga. Kuzokugcina uqhelelene nokwakha ubudlelwano obunenjongo esikhathini esizayo. Yazi ukuthi unalo lonke ilungelo kanye nawo wonke amathuba okuthola injabulo futhi futhi ngokuqinisekile uzoyithola.
I-9. Zinakekele
Lesi yisikhathi lapho udinga ukuzinakekela kakhulu. Ukuze unqobe ukukhohliswa njengendoda noma owesifazane, kufanele utshale imali ekunakekeleni impilo yakho engokwengqondo nengokomzimba. Ukwelashwa kuzokusiza ukuthi wamukele isiqephu futhi usicubungule ngendlela enempilo.
Kufanele futhi utshale imali ku-yoga, ukuqeqeshwa kwengqondo, nokuzindla ukuze uthuthukise impilo yengqondo. Zivocavoce kahle futhi unakekele nokudla kwakho. Qonda ukuthi usazoba nenqwaba yemizwa efana nentukuthelo, ukuzisola, ukukhathazeka futhi lokhu kungakusiza ukuthi ubhekane kangcono. Ukucindezeleka kwakho ngeke kuphele, kungase kunciphe kancane uma ugxila kuwe ngokuphelele futhi uzithuthukise.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungazithanda Kanjani: Amathiphu angama-21
10. Ungazami ukuziphindiselela
Ukungathembeki kwephula ukwethemba kwakho ebudlelwaneni futhi kunzima ukukuphinda. Ngaleso sikhathi, ukuziphindiselela kungase kube umcabango wokuqala ekhanda lakho ukuze uthole umuntu owakopela futhi waqamba amanga kuwe. Njengoba uzindla indlela yokudlula ukukopela, isifiso sokukhokha umlingani wakho ngohlamvu lwemali olufanayo sizolinga kakhulu.
Imise leyo micabango. Ngeke uthole lutho ngokuziphatha ngendlela efanayo nozakwenu, ngaphandle kobuhlungu benhliziyo kanye nomuzwa oyinqaba wokuqinisekisa. Ungaphindiseli, thola usizo bese uzama ngakho konke okusemandleni akho ukuqhubekela phambili ukusuka konakele.
11. Ungazami ukuphinda uxhume
Ukuze ujabule ngempela ngemva kokukhohliswa, udinga ukulandela umthetho wokungathintani. Uma ufuna ngempela ukufunda indlela yokuqeda ukukopela, udinga kuqala ufunde ukusika izintambo ezikubophe kuye. Uma unquma ukuhlukana futhi uqhubeke nobuhlobo, nqamula izintambo ngokushesha.
Okungenani ezinsukwini zokuqala ezingu-90, ungagcini noma yikuphi ukuxhumana. Lokhu kuzobanikeza umyalezo wokuthi isiqephu sokungathembeki sikuthinte kakhulu. Okulandelayo, yeka ukuzilandela ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Lokhu kungase kube nzima ukukwenza kodwa ukubona okuthunyelwe nezithombe zabo kungase kubangele izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu ongakwazi ukwenza ngaphandle kwazo.
12. Bheka ukuqhubekela phambili
Uma ukushaqeka sekuphelile futhi ususithathile isinqumo, ungabheki emuva. Uma uyeka ukucabanga ngokuqolwa, kuzoba lula ukuthi uqhubekele phambili ngesizotha. Bheka impilo yakho sengathi isahluko siphelile futhi amathuba amasha akulindile.
Kungase kube nezilingo ezimbalwa zokukunikeza elinye ithuba noma cabanga ukubuyisana nesithandwa sakho kodwa lokho kungaba iphutha. Ungase ukhathazeke ngokuba ongashadile isikhashana. Kodwa ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni lapho ukwethenjwa kwakho kuye kwakhashelwa kuyokwenza uzizwe ubambekile unomphela.
13. Zibekele imigomo emisha
Enye yezindlela ezingcono kakhulu zokunqoba ukukhohliswa njengowesilisa noma owesifazane ukuzibekela imigomo emisha - ngokwakho nangokomsebenzi - futhi uqale ukusebenzela yona. Ngokuvamile ku ubudlelwano obuzibophezele isikhathi eside, imibhangqwana iyakhohlwa ubuntu bayo njengoba isebenzela ukufinyelela imigomo efanayo.
Manje yithuba lakho lokukhululeka ubheke ukuzenzela izinto. Kusukela kokuhlosiwe kwezempilo kuya ekufinyeleleni eziqongweni ezintsha emsebenzini wakho, gxila ezintweni ezingahlangene nobudlelwano bakho bangaphambilini. Lokhu kuzonika incazelo entsha empilweni yakho.
14. Hamba nabangane bakudala
Ukwehlisa imizwa yakho ngeke kukusize ngalutho. Leli yithuba lakho lokuphinde uxhumane nabangane bakudala, mhlawumbe labo bantu abasuka empilweni yakho ngemva kokungena ebudlelwaneni noma emshadweni.
Phuma nabo, wabelane ngezindaba zakho nabo. Yehlisa umthwalo kodwa-ke, njengoba sishilo ngaphambili ephuzwini lesi-6, khetha ukuthi ukhuluma nobani. Ukuba nezingxoxo ezisuka enhliziyweni nomngane wakho womshado kuzothuthukisa i-oxytocin yakho noma amahomoni enjabulo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokwamukela Umshado Wakho Uphelile
15. Vulekele othandweni futhi
Into embi kakhulu engenzeka ukuzivalela ubudlelwano noma uthando. Umqondo wokubuyela ekuqomeni ungabonakala unzima kodwa udinga ukuxosha ukungabi nandaba futhi uzimisele ukuzama uthando futhi.
Nokho, kulokhu shintsha indlela yakho yokwenza. Kungokwemvelo ukuxwaya ngemva kokuhlangenwe nakho okubi kodwa ukuba nokulindela okukhululekile nokuxazulula ukungazihlanganisi nokuqhathanisa nomuntu wakho wangaphambili, kungasiza. Yiba ovuthiwe futhi ungapendi wonke umuntu nakho konke ngebhulashi elifanayo.
Ukukhohliswa kungakushiya unoxhaxha lwemizwa exubile futhi kungaba nomthelela ukuzethemba kwakho nokuzethemba kwakho. Kodwa-ke, uma ukhetha ukuphuma emshadweni, kwenze ngokuqaphela nangokuzimisela ukuwuguqula ube yithuba elisha elihle empilweni yakho.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ubudlelwano bungabuyela kokujwayelekile ngemuva kokukopela inqobo nje uma bobabili abalingani benza umzamo olinganayo. Umuntu okopelayo kufanele athathe ijoka lokwenza umlingani wakhe azizwe evikelekile. Nakuba lowo owakhashelwa kufanele afunde ukubeka isiqephu ngemuva kwakhe futhi enze isiqalo esisha.
Ukuze ukhohlwe ukukopela, kufanele uzinike isikhathi sokulila ngobuhlobo. Thatha ukwelapha, hlangana nabangane bakudala, thatha imizamo yokusuka esikhathini esedlule futhi wenze isiqalo esisha.
Ubuhlungu obubangelwa ukungathembeki abuvamile ukudlula. Kuthatha isikhathi esiningi ukukhohlwa futhi uqhubeke futhi uqale kabusha. Udinga ukumnika isikhathi esanele sokupholisa amanxeba abangelwa ukukhashelwa.
Yebo. Izizathu zokukopela azikwazi neze ukwenziwa jikelele. Abantu abaningi bakopela abalingani ababathanda ngokujulile kuye ngezimo nemizwa. Okubalulekile ukuthi uma umuntu ekuthanda ngokweqiniso, ngeke aphinde ukukopela.
Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuthi Umyeni Wakho Ukukopela Nosebenza Naye
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
