Ingabe Kufanele Ngixolise Ku-Ex Yami? Izinto Ezingu-13 Okufanele Zicatshangelwe

"Ngixolise ku-ex yami noma ngiyiyeke?" Kuyimpi yaphakade phakathi kwenhliziyo nengqondo. Ngezinye izikhathi lapho ngivula i-Snapchat ngibona izithombe zami ne-ex yami kusukela eminyakeni emihlanu edlule, kulandelwa ngokushesha isifiso esingazelelwe sokumvulela futhi ngimnike ucingo, hhayi ukuqala izinto futhi kodwa nje ukuhlola isisekelo, ukubuza ukuthi uqhuba kanjani, futhi mhlawumbe ukhulume ngokuhlukana futhi unikeze incazelo yengxenye yami kukho. 

Mina, ngokwesibonelo, ngivame ukuzithola ngizibuza ukuthi mhlawumbe ngangimqinela kakhulu noma mhlawumbe angimnikanga okwakumfanele. Mhlawumbe ngangibambeke kakhulu ezindabeni zami ngaze ngaba ngaboni izidingo zakhe. Ekugcineni, zonke lezi mhlawumbe ziqala ukungcolisa ingqondo yami futhi engifuna ukukwenza nje ukumfonela ngilungise yonke into. 

Ngokubona kwami, akumina ngedwa obhekene nale nkinga. Noma ubani oke wabhekana nezinkinga zokuhlukana ulazi kahle leli phethini. Okuncane okuyizisusa kukuthumela phansi imbobo kanogwaja yecala nokuzisola. Futhi lapho uqamba izinto ozozisho ku-ex yakho ekhanda lakho. Uma lokho kwenzeka, kufanele noma akufanele yini uqale ukuxhumana futhi ususe izinto esifubeni sakho? Yekani ukukha amacembe, sinomhlane wakho. Kulesi sihloko, sihlanganise izinkomba ezithile eziwusizo eziyisinyathelo sokuqala esihle sokukusiza ukuthi unqume ukuthi kufanelekile yini ukuphinde uxhumane no-ex wakho ukuze uxolise.

Ingabe Kuwumqondo Omuhle Ukuxolisa Kwi-Ex?

Nakuba kungase kungadingeki noma kuzuzise ngaso sonke isikhathi, kunezimo lapho ukuxolisa kungase kube isinyathelo esihle. Lesi sihloko sicubungula ama-nuances wokuxolisa ngemva kokuhlukana, sihlola ukuthi kungase kunikeze nini ukuvalwa ngemva kokuhlukana, ukuthuthukisa ukukhula komuntu siqu, noma ukusiza ukuphulukisa amanxeba amadala. Ake sihlole izimo ezimbalwa:

Uma i-ex yakho ikulahla ngenxa yephutha olenzile

Ukunquma ukuthi uzoxolisa yini kowayenqamule ubuhlobo ngenxa yephutha olenzile kungavusa imizwa eminingi engakhululekile. Ngisho nomcabango nje wokuphinde uhlangane ne-ex yakho ingavusa umuzwa wecala futhi ikuhudule ekwenzeni isinqumo. 

Kuyafaneleka yini ukuxolisa kowayekade esesimweni esinjalo? Uma ukholelwa ngokweqiniso ukuthi wenze amaphutha, ukuxolisa kwakho kuqotho, futhi kungase kunikeze ukuvala kubo bobabili abathintekayo, kungase kudingeke ukuthi ucatshangelwe. Kodwa-ke, qaphela imizwa nezintandokazi zomuntu wangaphambili, isikhathi, kanye nomthelela ongaba khona enhlalakahleni yakho engokomzwelo ngisho noma kuwukuxolisa kwangempela.

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Uma uqhathile

Ukuxolisa ngokukopela ebuhlotsheni kuvame ukutuseka ukuba uvume ubuhlungu nokukhashelwa okubangelwe. Qinisekisa wena xolisa ngobuqotho ngokubazwisa ubuhlungu ngaphandle kokubeka izaba. Yiba nozwela ngobuhlungu obubangele, futhi unikeze isiqinisekiso sokuzibophezela kwakho ekulungiseni. Nokho, qonda ukuthi ukuthethelela nokubuyisana akuqinisekisiwe, futhi imizwa nezinqumo zomunye umuntu kufanele zihlonishwe.

Uma ubaphula inhliziyo

Ukuxolisa ngokwephula inhliziyo yothile kungaba isenzo sobubele nesihawu, ikakhulukazi uma uzisola ngezenzo zakho futhi uqonda ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo obubangele. Ukuxolisa kwakho kufanele kubonise ukuzisola okuqotho, uzwela, nokuqaphela ukulimala kwabo. Kodwa-ke, zilungiselele ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ukuxolisa kungase kungapholi ngokushesha ubuhlungu babo noma kuphumele ekuthethelelweni. Kubalulekile ukuhlonipha imizwa nezinqumo zabo futhi ubanikeze indawo abangase bayidinge philisa futhi uqhubeke.

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Ingabe Kufanele Ngixolise Ku-Ex Yami? Izinto Ezingu-13 Okufanele Zicatshangelwe

Ucwaningo iveza ukuthi ukuhlala ungabangane nabasenzi ngenxa yemizwa ecindezelwe ngabo kwaholela emiphumeleni engemihle, kanti ukuhlala ungabangane ngenxa yokulondeka nezizathu ezingokoqobo kwaholela emiphumeleni eminingi emihle. Ngakho-ke, umbuzo wehora uwukuthi… Ingabe uxolisa kowayeshade naye ngenxa yemizwa ecindezelekile ngabo noma ngoba ufuna ukuba nobuntu futhi ungafuni bakubambele amagqubu? Cabangela le mibuzo elandelayo ukuze wenze isinqumo esihlakaniphile:

1. Ingabe uzizwa unecala?

Ukuxolisa ku-ex eminyakeni kamuva noma ngisho namasonto noma izinyanga ngemva kokuhlukana kunengqondo kuphela uma ubabangele ubuhlungu obukhulu futhi icala kusenzima kakhulu ukulinyakazisa. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokubhalela isoka/intombi umbhalo lowo wokuxolisa, zibuze:

• Ingabe uye wabahlukumeza ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo?
• Noma ingabe ubafake isipoki futhi wawungakavuthwa ngokwanele ukuba uhlukane kahle?
• Ingabe uwakhanyise ngegesi noma ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo bona? Noma uke wabakhohlisa?

Izimo ezinjengalezi zingaba nzima ukuziqeda. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kufanele nakanjani uxolise kowayeshade naye ngoba kungenzeka ukuthi ubangele ukulimala okujulile ngokomzwelo. Ungase ube yisizathu sokuthi banezinkinga zokwethenjwa. Uma ukuxolisa kwakho kuvela endaweni yobuqotho, kuzokulethela ukuthula, futhi kukusize uphulukise, qhubeka uxolise kowawuthandana naye.

Ungaxolisa kanjani ku-ex, uyabuza? Vele uthi, “Ngiyaxolisa kakhulu ngabo bonke ubuhlungu engikuzwise bona. Ngangingakavuthwa futhi wawungafanele ukuphathwa ngaleyondlela. Ngiyazi ukuthi kwakufanele ngazi kangcono. Kuningi engikufundile futhi ngizama ukuba umuntu ongcono. Ngiyethemba ngelinye ilanga uzongixolela.”

2. Ngabe le yindlela yokubenza baxolise?

Umngane wami uPaul ulokhu engibuza, “Ingabe kufanele ngixolise kweyami ex owangilahla? Mhlawumbe naye uyazisola ngalokho akwenza ngaphambi kokuba ubudlelwano buphele.” Lesi isibonelo esivamile sokuthi ukuxolisa kuhambisana nemibandela UPaul ufuna ukuxolisa hhayi ngoba ezisola kodwa ngoba efuna ukuthi owayekade eshade naye azisole ngalokho akwenzile futhi acele intethelelo yakhe, akufanele uxolise kulowo owake waphila.

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3. Ingabe lokhu kuyizaba nje zokukhuluma nabo?

Thembeka kuwe ngokwakho. Uyazibuza ukuthi uxolisa kanjani kowayekade ekhona ngoba ufuna ukuziphendulela ngezenzo zakho noma ngoba ufuna ukuzwa izwi lakhe futhi? Ingabe lokhu kungenxa yakho awukwazi ukuyeka ukucabanga nge-ex yakho? Ingabe ukhumbula izikhathi ezinhle kuphela futhi uvimbele zonke ezimbi?

Uma impendulo iku-affirmative, yeka ukuthunywa kwakho njengamanje. Hamba uhambe. Buka umbukiso weNetflix othokozisayo. Qedela leyo phrezentheshini elindile evela emsebenzini. Hlala nabazali bakho uhleke ku-WhatsApp okhubazekile oya phambili. Iya salon futhi ushintshe izinwele zakho. Shayela umngane wakho omkhulu. Shayela noma ubani NGAPHANDLE kwe-ex yakho. Ziphazamise.

4. Ingabe usanda kulahlwa?

Uzakwethu, uSarah, usanda kungithululela isifuba, “Uma kufanele ngixhumane ne-ex yami ngemva kwalokho akekho oxhumana naye? Ubudlelwano ebengikubo ngemuva kokuhlukana naye buvele buphela. Kwakungalungile ukukhuluma ne-ex ngisathandana kodwa manje njengoba ngingashadile, ngibona sengathi ngiyaxolisa kowayekade engithanda ngenxa yokuswela.”

Ukuhlukana kwakhe kusanda kuvusa ukuhlukumezeka okudala kuye. Udinga nje ukuvala isikhala ngaso leso sikhathi. Ufuna nokubeka engcupheni ubudlelwano bamanje be-ex yakhe. Ungakwazi ukufana naye? Uma ukwazi, ungaqhubeki nombhalo wokuxolisa esokeni lakho. Ukuxolisa ngemva kokuhlukana ngeke kukusize ngalutho.

5. Ungakwazi yini ukuma lapho uxolisa?

Ucwaningo ithole ukuthi u-71% wabantu ababuyelani nalabo abakade bethandana nabo, u-15% kuphela walabo ababuyelanayo, abahlala ndawonye, ​​futhi abangaba ngu-14% bayabuyisana kodwa baphinde bahlukane. Ngaphambi kokuthi wenze ngokuvumelana nesifiso sakho sokuvuselela uthando ngokuxolisa, yazi ukuthi izinto ezingathandeki zinqwabelene nawe. Ukuxolisa kowayedlule iminyaka kamuva kuphela ukuze wehlele emgodini onogwaja wokudideka akufanelekile.

Ngakho-ke, zibuze, "Ingabe kufanele ngixolise ku-ex yami eyangilahla? Ngingayeka lapho ngixolisa? Ngikwenza ngoba ngine-low-key ngifuna ukuvuselela izinto nabo?" Uma okuthi “Ngiyaxolisa” kungaphenduka kalula kube ukuthi “Hey, ake sikuthathe futhi”, bese ungithemba ukuthi ungcono ngaphandle kokuxolisa noma ukwephula izinhliziyo zabo futhi.

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6. Ingabe usuqhubeke ngempela?

Ubudlelwano bakho abudingi ukubuyekezwa njalo; ingoma kuphela Ihlobo lika-'69 kwenza. Ngakho-ke, zibuze, ingabe usuqhubeke ngempela? Uma uthola izaba zokukhuluma nabo ngokuphindaphindiwe, awukasuki kuzo. Uma inhloso yakho ingalungile, lokhu kuxolisa kungase kubambezele yonke inqubo yokuhamba esikhundleni sokukusondeza ekwelapheni. Ikakhulukazi uma ungenzanga lutho olubi.

Ngakho, esikhundleni sokuthukuthela ukungatholi ukuvalwa, ungakwazi,

• Faka amandla akho ekudaleni izinkumbulo ezintsha
• Hlukana nezinto ze-ex yakho
• Yeka ukubuza abangani bakho ukuthi uqhuba kanjani i-ex yakho
• Xhumana kabusha nawe (bhala ngezindawo ofuna ukuzihlola nokudla ofuna ukukuzama)· Gxila ezintweni ezinhle zokuhlukana futhi ugubhe le nkululeko yakho.

7. Ungakwazi yini ukuzixolela ngaphandle kokuxolisa?

Esikhundleni sokulungisa imibuzo efana nokuthi, "Ingabe sekwephuze kakhulu ukuthi uxolise kumuntu wakudala?" noma “Ingabe kuwumqondo omuhle ukuxolisa kowayethandana naye?”, phendulela amehlo akho ngaphakathi bese ubuza, “Kungani ngibona kunesidingo sokucela intethelelo kowayekade engithanda? Uma ukwazile ukunqamula ubuhlobo ngobunzima obukhulu noma omunye wenu onenkinga yokuqhubekela phambili, kungase kube ngcono ukusebenza ukuzithethelela ngengxenye yakho ekuhlukaneni kunokuba ufune intethelelo ye-ex yakho. Ungathatha izifundo ozifundile futhi uzisebenzise ebuhlotsheni bakho obulandelayo. Akukephuzi kakhulu lokho.

Uma ukuhlukana kwenu bekubuhlungu, maningi amathuba okuthi owake wathandana naye angasabela kabi ekuxoliseni kwakho. Bangasho into enjengokuthi, “Angicabangi ukuthi ngingake ngikuxolele ngobuhlungu owabuzwa, awufanele ukuthethelelwa yimi, ngiyakuzonda futhi ngiyazisola ngokuthandana nawe.”

Lesi isimo esibi kakhulu kodwa uma ungakakulungeli ukusabela okunonya, kufanele ukugweme ukuxolisa kowayeshade naye. Ukusebenzela ukuzithethelela kungcono kunokucela intethelelo yabo nakuba lokhu kuyinto eyodwa okulula ukuyisho kunokukwenza.

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8. Ingabe ukuxolisa kuyadingeka noma uyazishaya nje?”

Mhlawumbe ubulindele okwengeziwe kuwe futhi awukwazi ukucubungula izinto ozenzile. Kulungile ukuzizwa kabi. Umoshile manje konke sekudlule. Ngaleso sikhathi, wawulimele futhi ungazi ukuthi wawuphinda amaphethini amadala noma uphula inhliziyo yabo. Ingqondo ephansi ithanda ukuletha izinkumbulo ezindala. Ungaweli ogibeni lokuthi “O, ukube nje…” noma “ngifisa…”. Konke kwenzeka ngesizathu.

Mhlawumbe kufanele uzibuze, “Kuyafaneleka yini ukuxolisa kowayedlule? Mhlawumbe, kungaba ngcono ukubhekana nale mizwa engcolile uwedwa. Nazi izinto ezimbalwa ongazizama:

• Bhala phansi yonke imizwa yakho ecindezelwe noma uyikhiphe ohlelweni lwakho ngokudansa, ukudweba, noma ukuzilolonga
• Esikhundleni sokuzijezisa, qala ukuthatha izinyathelo ezisheshayo zokuguqula inkulumo yakho, ukuziphatha, imicabango, kanye nezenzo zakho
• Thatha indlela yokwamukela kanye nokuzihlola
• Zijwayeze ukuqaphela nokuzindla ukuze uthole ukuzithanda nobubele · Gcina iphephabhuku lokubonga futhi ubhale kulo nsuku zonke.

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9. Ingabe i-ex yakho ikhule ngokwanele?

Ngisazibuza, "Ingabe kufanele ngifinyelele ku-ex yami?" Ngisho noma uxolisa, cabanga ukusabela okucatshangelwayo kwe-ex yakho.

• Ingabe bangaklabalasa futhi bakwenze uzizwe kabi?
• Bangakuthatha njengophawu lokuthi awukho phezu kwabo? Noma bayokwamukela lokhu kuxolisa, bathethelele, futhi baqhubekele phambili?
• Noma bayokwamukela lokhu kuxolisa, bathethelele, futhi baqhubekele phambili?

Akukhathalekile ukuthi uzibhala ngokucophelela kangakanani izinto ozozisho kowayethandana naye, uma ubunjalo ukuthandana nomuntu ongavuthiwe futhi bahlukana nabo ngenxa yokuba nobuthi, kungenzeka ukuthi bazophendula bengavuthiwe. Ungakhohlwa ngamafulege abo abomvu. Ngakho-ke, kufanele ulungele zonke izinhlobo zokusabela. Yima uma wazi ukuthi ukusabela kwabo kuzokulimaza. Bangase bangakuthetheleli ngokushesha futhi kufanele ulunge ngalokho. Qhubekela phambili nalokho kuxolisa kuphela uma ukwenza ngokungalindelekile. Inhloso yakho kufanele kube ukuvala nokudedela icala elisele ukuze uqhubeke ngokuthula.

10. Ingabe ubhekene nesikhathi esinzima?

Mhlawumbe abazali bakho badivosa. Noma umsebenzi wakho uyakubulala nje ngaphakathi. Noma usanda kulahlekelwa umuntu osondelene nawe. Izimo ezinjalo zingabangela ukuhlukumezeka okudala. Futhi, ezikhathini ezinjalo ezisengozini, ungase uzizwe sengathi ukusondelana nomuntu owake wasondelana kakhulu nawe kuzokwenza uzizwe ungcono. Ngakho-ke, lesi sidingo sokuxolisa singase sibangelwa isizungu nokufuna ihlombe ukukhalela kulo. Ngeke kube ukuxolisa okuqotho. Kulesi simo, impendulo ethi "Ingabe kufanele ngixolise ku-ex yami?" akukho. Ukuchitha isikhathi kuwe kungase kube yilokho okudingayo.

11. Ubudlelwano benu bukwenze wazizwa kanjani?

Zikhumbuze ngakho konke lokho kuphazamiseka nobuhlungu ngaphambi kokubuza umbuzo, "Ingabe kufanele ngixolise kumuntu wami wangaphambili ngokuba nobuthi?"

• Ingabe kwakunobuthi futhi ubudlelwano obuncikene?
• Ingabe linicekele phansi nobabili ngaphakathi?
• Ingabe uye waba enye inguqulo yakho kulobo buhlobo?· 
• Uchithe izinsuku zakho eziningi ukhala?

Mhlawumbe, into ehlanyayo wukufuna ukuphinde uvakashele lokho okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu nakuba kungenzeka ukuthi wahlukana nakho ngenxa yobuthi. Uma owakwakho ekukopela futhi akuwena onephutha, asikho isidingo sokuthethelela ububi babo. Ungazibeki icala futhi ungasho into enjengokuthi, “Ngiyaxolisa ngokungakunikezanga isikhathi esanele. Mhlawumbe yilokho okukwenze wakhohlisa.” Ukukhaphela kwabo akulungile futhi awubakweleta ukuxolisa.

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12. Ingabe akukho ukuxhumana okuhle kuwe?

Ingabe i umthetho wokuthi akukho-contact usebenza ukahle nje wena? Ingabe uye waba inguqulo enempilo yakho kusukela uyeka ukukhuluma nomuntu owayethandana naye? Uma impendulo inguyebo, lokho kuyinto enhle — ungavumeli isikhathi esisodwa esibuthakathaka sikwehlisele phansi. Ungaxolisi. Okunye ukuzithiba yikho konke okudingayo. Bheka iziphazamiso ezinempilo kuze kudlule isilingo.

13. Ingabe ukuhlala uxhumene nabakudala kuyiphethini eyenzeka njalo?

Lapho ngixolisa ku-ex yami futhi akazange aphendule, ngabona ngeqiniso ukuthi lokhu kwakuyiphethini yokuziphatha ejulile. Kwakuhilela abengeziwe kanye nokuxolisa okwengeziwe. Ngabona ukuthi ngangivimba injabulo yami ngokugcina izinkumbulo ezindala ziseduze nenhliziyo yami ephukile. Ukuguqula iqabunga elisha kungenzeka kuphela uma amaqabunga amadala, omile echotshozwa futhi akhohliwe. Isikhathi sokuqinisekisa ukuthi okwedlule kusemva kwakho.

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Uzilungisa Kanjani Nge-Ex

Ukuxolisa kowayekade ekhona kungaba umzamo oyinselele futhi othinta inhliziyo. Ukuthi ukuxolisa kubangelwa ukuzisola ngezenzo zesikhathi esidlule, i isifiso sokuqinisekisa ukuvala, noma isifiso sokulungisa ubuhlobo obuphukile, kudinga ukucatshangelwa ngokucophelela kanye nendlela eqotho uma ungafuni ukusho okuthile okungalungile.

Isinqumo sokuxolisa kufanele sishukunyiswe ukuzisola nozwela kwangempela, kunezisusa ezicashile, njengokuvuselela uthando. Lo mhlahlandlela wesinyathelo ngesinyathelo unikeza imininingwane ebalulekile ekuzulazuleni inqubo yokuxolisa kwangempela, uqinisekisa ukuthi ukuxolisa kwakho kuyacabangela, kuyahlonipha, futhi kugxile ekuthuthukiseni ukuqonda, ukuphulukisa, kanye nokukhula komuntu siqu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuholela ekubuyisaneni noma cha. Nawa amanye amathiphu okuthi ungaxolisa kanjani ku-ex yakho:

1. Zindla ngezisusa zakho

Ngaphambi kokuthintana nomuntu othandana naye, zibandakanye ekuzihlaziyeni ngokwethembeka. Linganisa ukuthi isifiso sakho sokuxolisa sibangelwa ukuzisola kwangempela ngezenzo zesikhathi esidlule noma uma kuqhutshwa isifiso sokuxhuma kabusha noma ukudambisa umuzwa wakho wecala. Zibuze:

• Ingabe ngifuna ukuvala, noma ngizama ukubusa imizwelo emidala?
• Ngabe ukuxolisa kuzosisiza sobabili Qhubeka, noma kuyindlela yokunciphisa ukungaphatheki kahle kwami?

Isibonelo, uma uthola ukuthi ukuxolisa kumane kuyizaba zokuvuselela othintana naye lapho unesizungu, kungase kube usizo kakhulu ukugxila ekwelapheni komuntu siqu kuqala. 

2. Khetha isikhathi esifanele

Isikhathi sibalulekile ekuqinisekiseni ukuthi ukuxolisa kwakho kwamukelwe kahle. Vumela isikhathi esanele ngemva kokuhlukana ukuze imizwelo ixazulule—lokhu kuvimbela ukuxolisa ekubonakaleni njengokuphuphumayo noma okukhohlisayo. Uma i-ex yakho isaphakathi ukucubungula ukuhlukana noma uhlangabezana nezinye izinselele zempilo, kungaba ngcono ukulibazisa indlela yakho.

3. Nquma indlela

Indlela oxolisa ngayo ingaba nomthelela endleleni umlayezo wakho owamukelwa ngayo. Cabangela amaphethini akho okuxhumana angaphambilini kanye nezintandokazi zalowo wangaphambili lapho unquma phakathi:

• Imihlangano yobuso nobuso noma izingcingo: Lokhu kuvumela impendulo esheshayo futhi kungadlulisa ubuqotho ngolimi lomzimba.
• Izincwadi ezibhaliwe noma imilayezo: Incwadi noma umlayezo unikeza bobabili abathintekayo isikhathi sokuzindla ngamagama ngaphandle kwengcindezi yengxoxo eqondile, ebukhoma.

Isibonelo, uma ukusebenzelana kwangaphambilini bekuyidijithali ngokuyinhloko, ukuthumela umlayezo ocatshangelwe kahle kungase kungaphazamisi futhi kuhlonipheke kakhulu indawo yalowo owake waba khona.

4. Zenzele ukuxolisa okuqotho

Ukuxolisa kwakho kufanele kucace, kuqonde, futhi kucace mayelana nesibopho sakho. Imininingwane ngezenzo noma ukuziphatha ozisole ngakho kunokuxolisa okungacacile. Gwema ukuthethelela ukuziphatha kwakho; esikhundleni salokho, yemukela ukuziphendulela okuphelele ngezenzo zakho.

Ngokwesibonelo, ukuthi “Ngiyaxolisa ngokungabi khona lapho udinga ukusekelwa” kunembe kakhudlwana futhi kunengqondo kunegama elivamile elithi “Ngiyaxolisa ngakho konke.” 

5. Veza ukuzisola

A ukuxolisa okuqotho kufanele kuhlanganise namazwi okuzisola asuka enhliziyweni avuma ubuhlungu obubangelwe. Lokhu kuhlanganisa:

• Uzwela: Qaphela futhi uqinisekise ukuhlupheka okungokomzwelo okungenzeka kudalwe yizenzo zakho.
• Ukwazisa: Yisho ngokucacile umthelela omubi wokuziphatha kwakho, njengokuthi “Ngiyaqonda ukuthi izenzo zami zikulimaze kakhulu.”

Ukuveza ukuzisola ngale ndlela akubonisi nje kuphela ukuthi ufundile emaphutheni akho kodwa futhi kuhlonipha okuhlangenwe nakho okungokomzwelo kowayeshade naye.

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6. Yazisa imizwa yabo

Ukuqinisekiswa kwemizwa kuyingxenye ebalulekile yokuxolisa kwangempela. Khuthaza owakwakho ukuthi abelane ngendlela azizwa ngayo futhi aqinisekise leyo mizwa ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka. Sebenzisa ulimi olubonisa ukuqonda, isibonelo, “Ngiyaqaphela ukuthi ukuziphatha kwami ​​kukushiye uzizwa ungabalulekile futhi ukhashelwe.”

Lesi sinyathelo sibalulekile ukuze ubonise ukuthi awugxilile kuphela ekudambiseni icala lakho kodwa futhi uzwela ngomthelela izenzo zakho ezibe nawo kubo.

7. Gwema ukuzivikela

Uma usulethile ukuxolisa kwakho, zilungiselele ukuthola impendulo. Kubalulekile ukulalela ngaphandle kokuphazamisa: Ngisho noma impendulo ibalulekile, vumela owakwakho ukuthi akwenze ngokugcwele baveze imizwa yabo ngaphandle kokuzivikela. Yamukela ukugxekwa okwakhayo njengengxenye yenqubo yokuphulukisa, uqonde ukuthi kubonisa isimo sabo somzwelo kunokuhlasela komuntu siqu kumlingiswa wakho.

Isibonelo, uma owayekade ekhona ekhomba ukuziphatha okuthile obekulimaza kakhulu, qaphela lokho kuqaphela kunokuba uphikisane nezizathu. 

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8. Hlonipha impendulo yabo

Ukuxolisa kwakho kungase kungaholeli ngokushesha entethelweni noma ekubuyisaneni. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi owake wathandana naye angase adinge isikhathi esengeziwe noma angase angakuthetheleli ngokugcwele, futhi lokho kungaphezu kwamandla akho. Uma owakwakho enquma ukungaqhubeki nokuzibandakanya, hlonipha lokho ngaphandle kokufuna inkhulumomphendvulwano eyengeziwe.

9. Nikeza isikhala

Ngemva kokuxolisa, vumela owakwakho ukuthi abe negumbi ukuthi akucubungule ngejubane lakhe. Ungalandeli ngokweqile; linda i-ex yakho ifinyelele uma ifisa ukuxoxa ngokuqhubekayo.Hlonipha isidingo sabo sokuba yedwa, okungaholela esinqumweni esinengqondo nesiqotho.

10. Qhubeka nokukhula komuntu siqu

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi owake wathandana naye uphendula kanjani, sebenzisa lesi senzo njengethuba lokuzithuthukisa. Izinyathelo okufanele zicatshangelwe zihlanganisa:

• Izinqubo zokuzindla: Zibandakanye ekubhaleni ijenali, ukuzindla, noma ukweluleka ukuze ucubungule izenzo zakho futhi ufunde kuzo.
• Zibophezele ekushintsheni: Gxila ekuziphatheni nasemaphethini ongayithuthukisa ukuze uvimbele ikusasa amaphutha ebudlelwaneni.

Isibonelo, ukubamba iqhaza kuhlelo lokuzithuthukisa noma ukufuna isiqondiso kumelaphi kungakusiza ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo obuqhubekela phambili. Lokhu kuzibophezela ekukhuleni kubalulekile enhlalakahleni yakho yemizwa kanye nempumelelo yobudlelwano besikhathi esizayo.

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Khumbula ukuthi impumelelo yokuxolisa kwakho ingase ihluke ngokusekelwe ezimweni ezithile zobuhlobo bakho kanye nemizwa yalowo owake wathandana naye mayelana nokuhlukana. Yiba nesineke futhi uqonde, futhi ugxile ekwelapheni nasekuvaleni kwakho. Ngaphambi kokuthatha lokhu kugxuma, ngena ngempela, "Ingabe kufanele ngixolise kowayekade engithanda ngokuba nobuthi, noma kufanele ngizisebenzele mina?"

Uma ungumuntu olokhu ebuyela kubantu abangalungile kuwe, nakanjani kukhona amaphethini ajulile emsebenzini. Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kumelaphi noma umqeqeshi wobudlelwano kungakusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi le phethini isuka kuphi. Ukufunda ngesitayela sakho sokunamathiselwe kungakusiza futhi ukuthi uthole izimpendulo osekunesikhathi eside ungakuqondi futhi uqonde ukuthi kungani unomuzwa wokuthi udinga ukuqhubeka nokulungisa ne-ex yakho.

Imicabango Final

Ekugcineni, ake siphethe ngamazwi acashunwe uHelena Bonham Carter, “[Uma ubuhlobo] bungahlali unomphela, lokho akusho ukuthi yisehluleki. Okubalulekile ukuthi kufanele uvumele omunye umuntu ukuba akhule. Futhi uma bengahambi ngendlela efanayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ibuhlungu kangakanani inhliziyo, kufanele wenze okulungile kulokho kukhula. Kunzima ukwenza okuthile kuze kube phakade ngoba ukuphila kunzima kakhulu.”

5 Iziqephu Zesivumelwano Sobudlelwano Okumele Zigwenywe

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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