Ubudlelwano ikakhulukazi busekelwe emizweni, ngakho-ke uma ubona iseluleko sendlela yokulawula imizwa yakho ebuhlotsheni, kungase kukudide. Ungalokothi wesabe, silapha ukuze sikucacisele izinto. Manje, ngaphandle kwemizwelo, ubudlelwano obunempilo busekelwe ekulinganiseni okuhle. Yingakho, nakuba kubalulekile ukuveza imizwa ebudlelwaneni, kubalulekile futhi ukwazi ukuthi unekhono ekugcineni imizwa yakho.
Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ungayilawula kanjani imizwa yakho ebudlelwaneni obusha, ebuhlotsheni obukude (LDR), noma emshadweni. Imizwa eningi, noma ukusabela ngokomzwelo kuyo yonke into encane kusikisela ibhalansi ebudlelwaneni futhi kungafaka ingcindezi engadingekile kumlingani wakho, nempilo yakho yengqondo.
Izifundo zithole ukuthi izindlela zethu zokubhekana nezingxabano nendlela esiphatha ngayo imizwa ebangelwa yilezo zingxabano kuthinta kokubili ikhwalithi kanye nobude bobuhlobo.
Ukuze sithole ukuqonda okuthile ngokugcina ubudlelwano obunempilo nobulinganiselayo kanye nokubonakaliswa okwanele ngokomzwelo, sixoxe nomeluleki uNeelam Vats (uchwepheshe we-CBT kanye ne-NLP oqinisekisiwe), onesipiliyoni esingaphezu kweminyaka engamashumi amabili ekusizeni izingane, intsha, kanye nabantu abadala ukubhekana nezinkinga ezihlobene nokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, ubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu, kanye nezinkinga zomsebenzi.
Yimiphi Imizwa Ehlukene Ebudlelwaneni?
Okuqukethwe
UNeelam uthi: “Imizwelo iyingxenye ebalulekile yalokho oyikho, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ingase idideke, ibe yinkimbinkimbi, futhi idide kakhulu.” Kuphakathi kobudlelwane bomuntu siqu lapho bethola khona imizwelo ehlukahlukene, kusukela emizweni emnene yokwaneliseka, yokucasuka, nokukhathazeka kuye kokuhlangenwe nakho okujulile kothando, ukufutheka nokuphelelwa ithemba.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-9 Zokuthi Usebudlelwaneni Obuqeda Amandla Emizwa
Uyaqhubeka nokubeka imizwa emihlanu eyisisekelo njengohlaka lokudiliza inkimbinkimbi yale mizwa.
- Injabulo
“Injabulo iza ngendlela yenjabulo, uthando, impumuzo, ukuziqhenya, ukuthula, ukuzijabulisa, njalo njalo. Kulapho konke sekuhamba kahle emhlabeni wakho futhi ujabule noma waneliseke ngesabelo sakho, uziveza ngokuhleka noma ngokuzitika komuntu siqu,” kusho uNeelam. - Usizi
Yebo, ukudabuka kuwumuzwa owanele ngokwanele, ngokwemibandela yobudlelwano, kungase kuhlobane nomuzwa wokuthi ukwenqatshwa ebudlelwaneni noma umcimbi lapho ungazizwa ugcwalisekile noma ungathandwa. Ebudlelwaneni, ukudabuka kungase kubonakale njengesizungu, ukudumala, usizi, noma ukuphelelwa ithemba,” kuchaza uNeelam. - Fear
NgokukaNeelam, ukwesaba ebudlelwaneni yilapho ubona uhlobo oluthile lokusongela, kungaba kuwena noma kumlingani wakho njengabantu ngabanye noma kubabhangqwana benu. Ukwesaba ukungathembeki, ukulahlekelwa ubuntu bakho, ukulahlekelwa umlingani wakho, kanye/noma ubuhlobo bakho kungaba ukwesaba ubuhlobo obuthile. Lokhu kubonakala njengokukhathazeka, ukungabaza, ukukhathazeka, ukuphelelwa ithemba, ukudideka, nokucindezeleka. - Anger
“Ngokuvamile intukuthelo iphakama lapho ubhekana nohlobo oluthile lokungabi nabulungisa noma okucatshangwa ukuthi awunabulungisa.” Nakuba abantu bevame ukucabanga ngentukuthelo njengento engalungile, iwumuzwa ovamile ongakusiza ukuba uqaphele lapho usothandweni. ubudlelwane obunobuthi ,” kusho uNeelam.” Intukuthelo ingavela njengokucasuka, ukucasuka, ukukhungatheka, noma umuzwa wokuthi ukhohlisiwe noma uthukiwe. - Disgust
"Ngokujwayelekile uhlangabezana nokunengeka njengokusabela ezimweni ezingajabulisi noma ezingafuneki. Njengentukuthelo, imizwa yokunengeka ingakusiza ukukuvikela ezintweni ofuna ukuzigwema. Ebudlelwaneni, lokhu kungase kususe ekucasuleni okuthile kokuthile okushiwo noma akwenzile umlingani wakho noma umuzwa wokuphazamiseka ukuthi akayena umuntu abenguye ngaphambili. Ukunengeka kungase kube nokubonakaliswa okunamandla njengokucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucasuka, ukucanuzela. gwema umthombo wokunengeka,” kusho uNeelam.
Iyini Imizwa Emihle Nemibi Ebudlelwaneni?
“Imizwa emihle imane iyizimpendulo ezijabulisayo endaweni esihlala kuyo eziyinkimbinkimbi futhi ezihlosiwe kunemizwa nje elula.” Ngakolunye uhlangothi, imizwelo engemihle iyimizwelo engathandeki noma engajabulisi ekhishwa ukuze iveze umphumela omubi ngesenzakalo noma umuntu.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene : Izinhlobo Ezi-6 Zokuxhashazwa Kwemizwa Namathiphu Ochwepheshe Okufanele Uwaphathe
“Yomibili imizwelo eyakhayo nengalungile iyadingeka.Khumbula, imizwa ifeza injongo, ngisho noma inemizwelo engemihle.” Ngakho, esikhundleni sokuzama ukushintsha imizwelo obhekana nayo, cabangela indlela osabela ngayo kuyo.Ngokuvamile ukusabela okudala izinselele, hhayi imizwelo ngokwayo,” kuchaza uNeelam.
Amathiphu angu-9 Ochwepheshe Wendlela Yokulawula Imizwa Yakho Ebudlelwaneni
Indlela yokulawula imizwa yakho ebudlelwaneni ingenza noma iphule izinto kuwe nakumlingani wakho. “Imizwa ilawula indlela esicabanga ngayo, esikhuluma ngayo, nesenza ngayo izinto. Yingakho ukwazi ukuthi ungayilawula kanjani imizwa yakho kubalulekile ukuze ube nokuphila okujabulisayo. Ukulawula imizwa yakho kuhilela ukudala ibhalansi phakathi kokulindelekile kwakho kanye neqiniso lakho. Kusho futhi ukukhipha imicabango emibi engqondweni yakho nokufunda ukuthi ungayilawula kanjani imicabango ekhungathekisayo. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, ukudala ibhalansi yemizwa ebudlelwaneni kudinga ukwethembeka okukhulu,” kusho uNeelam.
Ngokusekelwe kulesi seluleko, ake sihlole izindlela ezimbalwa ongakwazi ukulawula imizwa yakho, noma okungenani izimpendulo zemizwa, ebuhlotsheni bakho:
1. Khuluma ngokucacile nophathina wakho
“Isinyathelo sokuqala sokulawula imizwa yakho ebudlelwaneni obusha, ku-LDR, noma emshadweni ukuxhumana ngokucacile nangomusa nangokwethembeka. Lokhu kuhilela kokubili ukukhuluma nokulalela, ngakho qiniseka ukuthi ulalela ngempela lapho umlingani wakho exoxa ngokuthile ngosuku lwakhe noma ngabo, futhi ungesabi ukwabelana kusukela ekugcineni kwakho. Inhloso yobudlelwano ukudala indawo lapho bobabili abantu bephelelisana khona. Uma umuntu oyedwa engafaki isandla, uzongena ebudlelwaneni obunohlangothi olulodwa . Futhi lokho kuye kwenza umuntu wajabula nini?” kusho uNeelam.
2. Yiba neqiniso ukuze ulinganisele ngokomzwelo okunempilo
"Ukuze ubudlelwano benu bube nokulinganisela kweqiniso ngokomzwelo kanye nokulawula imizwa, nobabili nidinga ukuba neqiniso. Ukuba yiqiniso kubonisa ukuthi uzizwa usekelwe ebudlelwaneni futhi umlingani wakho kufanele azizwe ekwazi ukwenza okufanayo," kusho u-Neelam.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-8 Zokuthi Uzilahla Ebudlelwaneni Nezinyathelo Ezi-5 Zokuzithola Futhi
Ukuba yiqiniso kumayelana nokuba inguqulo yakho engcono kakhulu, yangempela. Ukuzama ukuzenza umuntu ongeyena kuzoba nomthelela empilweni yakho engokomzwelo futhi nokulawula imizwa yakho kuzoba nzima. Khona-ke, uzozithola uzibuza, “Kungani nginomunyu kangaka ebudlelwaneni bami?”
3. Zijwayeze ukulingana ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho
UNeelam uthi: “Ukuba nobuhlobo obulinganiselayo akukona nje ukulinganisela phakathi kwabantu ababili abathandana nabo, kuphinde kube nendlela olinganisela ngayo imizwelo yakho ngaphakathi kuwena.
“Nginobuhlobo obungaqinile nabazali bami futhi ngisazama ukubhekana nezinkinga eziningi zentukuthelo . Ngakho-ke, indlela engasabela ngayo kukho konke kwakuwukuzivikela ngokungadingekile futhi ngenqabe ukuzwa noma ubani ekhuluma. Ngakha izindonga eziningi futhi ngangingafuni ukuvuma imizwa yami noma ukuyiveza kahle. Kusobala ukuthi lokhu kwasakazeka ebudlelwaneni bami bothando ngendlela engeyinhle neze,” kusho uDiane, oneminyaka engu-38, ongumklami wezakhiwo.
4. Bheka umthelela wemizwa yakho
"Imizwa ejulile ayimibi yonke. Imizwa yenza izimpilo zethu zijabulise, zihluke, futhi zibe nempilo. Kodwa, kubalulekile ukuthola isikhathi sokubheka ukuthi imizwa yakho engalawuleki iyithinta kanjani impilo yakho yansuku zonke nobudlelwano. Lokhu kuzokwenza kube lula ukuhlonza izindawo ezinezinkinga," kweluleka uNeelam.
Indlela yokulawula imizwa yakho ebudlelwaneni imayelana nokubheka kahle, nokubheka kahle ukuthi zibathinta kanjani abanye abantu. Uma ungasebenzi phezu kokudabuka kwakho, intukuthelo yakho, noma indlela oyiveza ngayo injabulo, abantu abaseduze kwakho bangase balimale, ngezinye izikhathi ngendlela engenakulungiseka. Yazise imizwa yakho, futhi wazise umphumela enawo.
5. Hlela ukulawula imizwa yakho, hhayi ukucindezelwa
“Awukwazi ngempela ukulawula imizwa yakho kodwa ngokuqinisekile ungafunda ukuyilawula.Kunomehluko omkhulu phakathi kokulawula nokucindezelwa.Lapho ucindezela imizwa, uyazivimbela ukuba ube nakho noma ukuyiveza, okuzodala izinkinga ezinkulu kamuva,” kusho uNeelam.
“Angivamile ukukhala phambi kwabantu ngoba bengilokhu ngitshelwa ukuthi kuwuphawu lobuthakathaka,” kusho uJackie, oneminyaka engu-34, unjiniyela wemishini eNew Jersey. “Ngakho-ke, lapho ngiqala ukuthandana nomuntu engithandana naye njengamanje, ngakuthola kunzima kakhulu ukuveza imizwa ebudlelwaneni ngendlela enempilo. Ngangivalela izinto ngaphakathi bese kuba nokuqhuma kwemizwa. Ungayilawula kanjani imizwa yakho ebudlelwaneni? Ngizothi, ziveze njalo.”
6. Thola ukuthi uzizwa kanjani
“Ukuzinika isikhashana ukuzihlola mayelana nendlela ozizwa ngayo kungakusiza ukuba uqale ukulawula imizwa yakho,” kweluleka uNeelam. Ngamanye amazwi, beka amazwi emizweni yakho. Bheka ekujuleni, bheka ukubonakaliswa ngokomzimba, ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo okwenzeka ngaphakathi kuwe.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Eziyi-11 Zokuchaza Imizwa Yangempela Yothando
Ingabe isifuba sakho siqinile ngenxa yentukuthelo? Ingabe umphimbo wakho uvaleka ngezinyembezi ezingaphumi? Ingabe izibhakela zakho ziboshiwe ngenxa yokwesaba noma ingabe wonke umzimba wakho uqinile ngenxa yokukhathazeka? Iyini le mizwa? Uyini umthombo, uma ukhona (hhayi yonke imizwa enomthombo obonakala ngokushesha)? Ngena ekhanda lakho futhi uhlale lapho kancane.
7. Yamukela imizwa yakho - Yonke
Ngakho-ke, ukhombe imizwa yakho. Manje yini? Uyazi nje ukuthi ungayilawula kanjani imizwa yakho ebudlelwaneni bakho manje? Hhayi impela. Okokuqala, ukulawula imizwa yakho akuyona inqubo ewumugqa noma “aha!” umzuzu. Kuyadabukisa futhi kugeleze njengoba ufunda ukuveza imizwa ebuhlotsheni nokuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuba nemizwa kakhulu ebuhlotsheni.
Ukwamukela kuyisinyathelo sakho esilandelayo. Yazisa ukuthi ngisho nasebudlelwaneni obuhle kakhulu, ngeke uphendule ngemizwa emihle ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi eyingozi . Kuzoba nentukuthelo, usizi, ulaka, inzondo, nokunye. Yilokho okukwenza ube ngumuntu, futhi ukulwa nakho nokuzama ukumamatheka ngamazinyo aqinile ebudlelwaneni ngaso sonke isikhathi akukuhle.
8. Zinike isikhala
Suka kumlingani wakho isikhashana njengoba ufunda ukulawula imizwa yakho ebuhlotsheni. Akuwona umsebenzi olula ukuhlola futhi uhlole imizwa yakho siqu, futhi isikhala esincane somuntu siqu kuhle noma ngabe uzama ukulawula imizwa yakho ebuhlotsheni obusha, ku-LDR, emshadweni, njalonjalo.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uprakthiza isehlukaniso sokulala , iholide lakho wedwa noma ukuhamba ibanga elide wedwa nsuku zonke, ukuba wedwa kuzokusiza uqonde. Uma ungathanda ukukhuluma nabanye abantu kunokuba wedwa, kulungile lokho. Khuluma nabangani bakho, noma ungaya ngisho nakudokotela wezokwelapha ochwepheshe, lapho-ke iphaneli yabeluleki abanolwazi beBonobology ingasetshenziswa.
9. Zama ukuzindla namajenali wemizwa
Ijenali iyindawo ekahle yokubhala phansi umbuzo othi, “Kungani nginemizwa engaka ebudlelwaneni bami?” Futhi kuyindawo enhle yokukhulula imizwa yakho ngaphandle kwesihlungi. Ijenali yemizwa ikusiza ukuthi urekhode imizwa yakho nokuthi uphendula kanjani kuyo ngayinye. Njengoba ungenza ngejenali yokudla, manje usungakwazi ukubhala phansi imizwa yakho, uyenze ibe ngokoqobo futhi icace kakhudlwana, futhi ilawuleke kakhudlwana.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokuzijwayeza Ukuqaphela Ebudlelwaneni Obuseduze
Ukuzindla, nakho, kungasiza ekuthuliseni ingqondo yakho futhi kukwenze ubone izinto ngokucacile okukhulu. Ukuzabalaza nendlela yokulawula imizwa yakho ebuhlotsheni kungakwenza udideke futhi udideke. Zinike isikhathi sakho sokuvele uphefumule futhi uhlanze ingqondo yakho njengoba uqala uhambo lwakho oluya emizweni ephethwe kangcono.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Imizwa imane iwukusabela kwethu ezehlakalweni ezinhle noma ezimbi noma kubantu
- Bonke ubudlelwano bunemizwa emihle nemibi, futhi yonke imizwa iza nesifundo
- Ukuba yiqiniso, ukukhuluma ngokucacile, nokwethembeka ngemizwa yakho ngezinye zezindlela ongakwazi ngayo ukulawula imizwa yakho kangcono.
Ngakho-ke, uma uhlala uzibuza ukuthi, “Kungani ngizizwa nginemizwa kangaka ebudlelwaneni bami?”, khumbula ukuthi awuwedwa. Sonke silwa nokuveza imizwa yethu ngendlela enempilo kanye neminyaka engafundile yokulungisa nokucindezelwa okusitshela ukuthi omunye noma omunye umuzwa mukhulu kakhulu noma mncane kakhulu. Futhi ukuthi ubudlelwano bonke bunemizwa edlula injabulo . Zibonise wena nemizwa yakho uthando oluthile. Unalokhu.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ukuzijwayeza ukulinganisela kwemizwa ebudlelwaneni kuqinisekisa ukuthi awubeki ukucindezeleka okungadingekile empilweni yakho yemizwa, noma yomlingani wakho. Uma usabela ngemizwa eyedlulele kuyo yonke into, kwenza izintaba ziphume kuma-molehills, kukushiye nomlingani wakho nikhathele futhi nicasuke.
Thola futhi wamukele imizwa yakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ibukeka mibi noma ikhungathekisa kangakanani. Khumbula ukuthi yonke imizwa iyasebenza nokuthi ngisho nobudlelwano obujabulisa kakhulu akusho ukuthi ujabule ngaso sonke isikhathi. Intukuthelo, ukucasuka, umona, nokunye kuyingxenye yawo wonke ubudlelwano.
Qonda ukuthi akuzona zonke izimo ezidinga ukusabela okukhulu. Uma uzwa sengathi usuzoqhuma, zinike isikhala nesikhathi futhi uzilolonge izinto ezifana nokubhala ngemizwa nokuzindla. Khumbula ukuthi ukuqhuma kwemizwa kuthinta abantu abaseduze kwakho futhi kungalimaza kakhulu umlingani wakho nobudlelwano bakho.
Yiziphi Izinyathelo Ezi-5 Ebudlelwaneni Futhi Kungani Zibalulekile?
Amathiphu Wokuzijwayeza Ukuzijwayeza Kwemizwa Ukuze Uguqule Ubudlelwano Bakho
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Ngenza zonke izinto emini kodwa ebusuku kuphela angikwazi ukulawula imizwa yami, angikwazi nokulala kancane, ulele eduze kwami kuphela. Uzolala kodwa mina angikwazi ngakho ngicela ungitshele ukuthi ngenzeni.
Ngenza zonke izinto emini kodwa ebusuku kuphela angikwazi ukulawula imizwa yami, angikwazi nokulala kancane, ulele eduze kwami kuphela. Uzolala kodwa mina angikwazi ngakho ngicela ungitshele ukuthi ngenzeni.
Ngenza zonke izinto emini kodwa ebusuku kuphela angikwazi ukulawula imizwa yami, angikwazi nokulala kancane, ulele eduze kwami kuphela. Uzolala kodwa mina angikwazi ngakho ngicela ungitshele ukuthi ngenzeni.