Why Is It So Hard To Let Go, Even If The Person Doesn’t Love You?


How do you let go of someone who doesn’t love you? It’s a tricky question and the answer could be even more tricky because here we are dealing with a tricky business called love. Those of us that have had a guilty pleasure of watching Ae Dil Hai Mushkil know that it was more than Fawad Khan’s smoulder that made us sigh. We have been Alizeh-ed in life more than we cared for. It always feels like we are falling in love with the wrong people – the ones that cannot reciprocate. But in spite of unrequited love, we seem to find it hard to move away from the emotion.

Why You Can’t Let Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You?

The dynamics are not that simple because love as an emotion is not that simple either. When you fall for someone you fall in love because you find that person appealing to you physically and emotionally. You fall in love hoping for reciprocation. It could be a friend you fall for, a neighbour you pursue or a classmate or colleague. Sometimes you mistake their friendliness to be their reciprocation, sometimes they don’t reciprocate but keep you on standby and sometimes you yourself realise that pursuit of that person is futile. But by then you have fallen deeply in love and it’s hard to snap back into the old you.

And then you think maybe they are playing hard to get and if you try a bit harder you never know you might make the person of your dreams fall in love with you too. There are 5 types of people who can’t let go and we tell you more about them. 

Related reading: 5 Thoughts a girl has after her first kiss

1. Meet the entitled one

This is the kind that cannot come to terms with the fact that they can be refused by somebody. They find it really hard to let go of someone who doesn’t love them back. They are either driven by undaunted positivity or toxic ego that fails to hear ‘no’ as refusal but rather interprets it as a “yes” en route. To the entitled kind, please try to understand that your charming personality and unparalleled charisma has failed to help you in this love story. The object of your desire is naïve enough to not love you, accept that with grace and bow out.

hard to let go
Hard to let go

We know it bruises your ego to let go of someone who doesn’t love you back but this might not have anything to do with you it could be just that the two of you didn’t click. If you move on you might just find someone who loves you back madly. Try it.

Related Reading: 13 Signs to Know if a Relationship is Worth Saving

2. The one who takes it up as a challenge

The thrill of the chase is an oversold lure. Chasing a lost game is a meaningless pursuit, but dil toh bachcha hai ji. We take it up as a challenge that we will, with a perfect move, make the person realise that we are the one they are meant to fall in love with. We don’t realise that we might love someone but they may not love us back. 

The one who takes it up as a challenge
The one who takes it up as a challenge

We take it on our ego to try a little harder, push the envelope further, because in our head we have already written the perfect love story and if only we could will it in reality. In your brain the hormones have convinced you that the two of you are the best fit and you cannot back down from the challenge of making him or her see your side of the story.

This is precisely the reason why you can’t let go. You want to see the end and in your mind it’s a happy ending, in reality though it’s something else.

3. The one who wants to get out of the friendzone

If they can love us like friends, can’t they stretch it a little bit to accommodate romance? Yes, there is not a lot of sense in love, but a lot of irrational reasoning. A lot of these one-sided love stories have an offering of friendship and nothing more. How different is it to love as a friend and love as a romantic partner?

We both seem to complement each other perfectly in the realm of friendship, why cannot it just be extended to romance? There is no formula to this. Some people fall in love after being friends, some of us remain the best of friends but can never see another in the light of romance; it is not something you can second guess. If it is meant to be, it will. If they say it is not happening then it is not. Nobody can force love. It’s not possible to make someone love you back no matter how hard you try.

The one who wants to get out of the friendzone
Move on when you still love

You make attempts to get out of the friendzone but there are times you should know when to let go. Just use your instincts.

4. The one who loves alone

Love is not an emotion that only thrives with reciprocation. Even in a relationship, we do not love by the weighing scale. Love survives within, in the solitude of the mind. It is okay to keep feeling the rush of love for someone who does not have a similar space for you.

Often, we are run over by the need for validation, but instead, we should enjoy the joy of loving, regardless of the return of the emotion. In any relationship of two people, there is a disparity in emotion. There cannot be two identical emotional maps of two people and we must make peace with that and not be driven by the need to hear ‘me too’. But that does not happen. Loving someone does not mean they will love you back. 

Some times one-sided love is fulfilling as well and has been glorified both in Bollywood and Hollywood. Instead of drowning in self pity that your love did not love you back, bathe in the glory of the feeling you could love wholeheartedly without expectation.

Ways Of Letting Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

It is hard to let go of someone you are in love with and it is only human tendency to hold on to the last drop of hope that they would love them back.  But there are ways of letting go of someone who doesn’t love you. Do this:

  • Stop those incessant phone calls and texts.
  • Get busy with your own life and concentrate in your work.
  • Go out with friends and enjoy the things you always liked doing.
  • If the person you have been pursuing misses you they would contact you, but if they don’t just let go.
  • If they do not love you back doesn’t mean they become your enemy. So never plan revenge.
  • Instead meet new people, go to new places and you never know where you will find the  right person.

It’s not that hard to let go of the person who doesn’t love you back. Just get your thoughts straight.

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