Why is it so hard to let go, even if the person doesn’t love you?

Team Bonobology
ranbir in ae dil hai mushkil

It is a tricky business, love. What are the constraints that make us fall in love? How much of it is dependent on reciprocation?

Here is an insight into your dard-e-dil

Those of us that have had a guilty pleasure watching Ae Dil Hai Mushkil know that it was more than Fawad Khan’s smoulder that made us sigh. We have been Alizeh-ed in life more than we cared for. It always feels like we are falling love with the wrong people – the ones that cannot reciprocate. But in spite of unrequited love, we seem to find it hard to move away from the emotion. Why is it that we cannot let go of a person who does not love us back?

Related reading: 5 thoughts a girl has after her first kiss


This is the kind that cannot come to terms with the fact that they can be refused by somebody. They are either driven by undaunted positivity or toxic ego that fails to hear ‘no’ as refusal but rather interprets it as a yes en route. To the entitled kind, please try to understand that your charming personality and unparalleled charisma has failed to help you in this love story. The object of your desire is naïve enough to not love you, accept that with grace and bow out.

ranbir in ae dil hai mushkil
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The thrill of the chase is an oversold lure. Chasing a lost game is a meaningless pursuit, but dil toh bachcha hai ji. We take it up as a challenge that we will, with a perfect move, make the person realise that we are the one they are meant to fall in love with. We take it on our ego to try a little harder, push the envelope further, because in our head we have already written the perfect love story and if only we could will it in reality. In your brain the hormones have convinced you that the two of you are the best fit and you cannot back down from the challenge of making him or her see your side of the story.


If they can love us like friends, can’t they stretch it a little bit to accommodate romance? Yes, there is not a lot of sense in love, but a lot of irrational reasoning. A lot of these one-sided love stories have an offering of friendship and nothing more. How different is it to love as a friend and love as a romantic partner? We both seem to complement each other perfectly in the realm of friendship, why cannot it just be extended to romance? There is no formula to this. Some people fall in love after being friends, some of us remain the best of friends but can never see another in the light of romance; it is not something you can second guess. If it is meant to be, it will. If they say it is not happening then it is not. Nobody can force love.

Because we love alone

Love is not an emotion that only thrives with reciprocation. Even in a relationship, we do not love by the weighing scale. Love survives within, in the solitude of the mind. It is okay to keep feeling the rush of love for someone who does not have a similar space for you. Often, we are run over by the need for validation, but instead, we should enjoy the joy of loving, regardless of the return of the emotion. In any relationship of two people, there is a disparity in emotion. There cannot be two identical emotional maps of two people and we must make peace with that and not be driven by the need to hear ‘me too’.

I crave love…I crave acceptance

My boyfriend of two years suddenly left me

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