Kusayanjanitsika mu Maubwenzi - Zomwe Zimayambitsa, Zizindikiro ndi Malangizo Othana ndi Mavuto

Kutaya chidwi pa chibwenzi ndi chinthu chodetsa nkhawa. Kusayanjanitsika m'maubwenzi sikungonyong'onyeka kapena kukhala opanda chochita ngati banja. Komanso si nthawi yomwe zinthu pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu wapamtima zimakhala zomasuka kotero kuti ubale wanu ukhoza kukhala wodziwikiratu, ndipo tingayerekeze kunena kuti, ndizovuta. Tinafunsa Dr. Shefali Batra (MD mu Psychiatry), katswiri wa zamaganizo ku California ndi katswiri wodziwa khalidwe lachidziwitso yemwe amadziwika bwino pa uphungu wa kupatukana ndi kusudzulana, kutha kwa chibwenzi, ndi kuyanjana kwa anthu asanakwatirane, zomwe ankaganiza za kusayanjanitsika mu maubwenzi. 

Iye anati: “Mwina wina akuona kuti alibe chidwi pamene winayo alidi wotanganidwa. Choncho, choyamba ndicho kudziwa ngati pali vuto lenileni kapena kuti munthu wina ali wotanganidwa kwambiri moti sangakwanitse kulabadira mnzakeyo.

Kodi Kusayanjanitsika M'maubwenzi Ndi Chiyani? 

Tiyerekeze kuti banja limene lakhala limodzi kwa nthawi ndithu likukumana ndi vuto. Titenga zochitika ziwiri:

Mikangano mu ubale wabwino :

Adzayesa kuthetsa mavuto, kukambirana, komanso kukangana pa njira zosiyanasiyana zothetsera mavuto. Zonsezi ndi zizindikiro zabwino kwambiri zosonyeza kuti zinthu zikadali zofunika kwa onse awiri. Pamene mukuyesetsa muubwenzi , zonse sizitha.

Kusamvana mu ubale ndi kusayanjanitsika:

Kuthetsa kusamvana kudzafika povuta chifukwa anthu awiriwa amavutika kuti azilankhulana moona mtima. Pamene kusayanjanitsika kumasokoneza mgwirizano wawo, mkwiyo ndi kusaona mtima zimaphimba mayankho onse othandiza. 

Tinafunsa Dr. Batra kuti, “Kodi kusayanjanitsika kumasiyana bwanji ndi kusakondana kapena ubale womwe ukuchitika nthawi zonse?” Iye anafotokoza kuti, “ Kulankhulana ndiye chinsinsi choyankhira funso limenelo. Inde, zinthu zimatha kukhala zosasangalatsa pamene kuwala kwatayika pakapita nthawi. Koma kuwala kwapadera kumatha kuchotsedwa pamene zinthu zosangalatsa zikuwonjezeredwa. Ndikuganiza kuti kutaya kuwala kwapadera ndi chiyambi chabe cha kugwa komwe kungatheke. Komabe, vutoli likhoza kupewedwa.

"Zowonongeka zimawoneka zozama kwambiri ngati kusayanjanitsika kwa okwatirana kumawoneka motere:

• Anthu okwatiranawo amasiya kukondana
• Amakonda kutero tengana mosasamala
• Kuyanjana pakati pawo kumakhala kokakamiza kuposa zokonda
• Othandizana nawo ayamba kufunafuna chidwi kwina monga ngati asiyanitsidwa kale mumzimu "

Nchiyani Chimachititsa Okondedwa Kukhala Osasamala? 

Munthu wina akakunyalanyazani , zinthu zimamuyendera bwino, ndipo chisangalalo ndi chilakolako zimachepa. Kusaganizirana kungalowe muubwenzi pang'onopang'ono, pomwe onse awiri amasiyana pang'onopang'ono. Kapena munthu m'modzi amadya malingaliro osakhala ndi chidwi ndi winayo ndipo amatsanzira zomwezo. Nazi zina mwa zifukwa zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu asamaganizire kwambiri muubwenzi:

1. Sakufunirani zachikondi 

Izi zitha kumveka zomveka, koma nthawi zina zimafunika kulembedwa. Nthawi zambiri timathera nthawi yochuluka ndi mphamvu zokhala ndi chibwenzi pomwe winayo alibe chidwi. Mwina mnzanuyo alibe chidwi chifukwa sakukondani monga momwe amachitira poyamba. 

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2. Sasamalira zinthu zomwe mumasamala nazo 

Kafukufuku waposachedwa wa Charles Chu ndi Brian Lowery akusonyeza kuti anthu amakopeka ndi anthu omwe ali ndi malingaliro ofanana ndi anu, mwachitsanzo zomwe mumakonda ndi zomwe simukonda. Ndipo ngakhale simukufuna kuti atsimikizire za zisankho zanu, zomwe mumakonda, zomwe mumakonda, ndi zomwe simukonda, mukufuna kuti wokondedwa wanu alemekeze moyo wanu ndi zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ukhalepo. Zinthu zina zoti muzikumbukira:

• Munthu m'modzi sangakhale ndi chidwi ndi chilichonse chomwe mumakonda
• Ngati mnzanu mmodzi alibe chidwi ndi chikondi chanu cha nyimbo kapena mafashoni, izi sizikutanthauza kuti alibe chidwi ndi inu. Akhozabe kukonda mbali zina za moyo wanu - Osati izi 
• Komabe, ngati mnzanu sasamala za chikhalidwe chomwe mumachikonda kapena chomwe chimakukhudzani kwambiri, ndicho chifukwa chomveka choti muyambe kusasamala.
• If mnzanu alibe chidwi pa chilichonse chomwe mungachite, mukusokeranso kudera la mbendera yofiira pano 

3. Akunamizira kukhala opanda chidwi

Simunalakwitse kuganiza kuti, “Mnzangu sasamala za ine. Izi ndi zomwe akufuna kuti muziganiza. Koma chifukwa chiyani?

• Iwo akukwiyira ndi kukubwezerani inu. Kusowa chidwi kwakanthawi kumeneku kukuwonetsa kuti muyenera kukonza
• Nthawi zina, anthu amanamizira kuti alibe chidwi kuti adziteteze. Ngati ali ndi chidwi ndi inu koma akuwopa kuti simukumva chimodzimodzi, akhoza kubisala kuseri kwa chigoba chopanda chidwi mpaka inu. kubwezera maganizo awo
• Akhozanso kuyesa madzi potumiza zizindikiro zosakanizika za chidwi ndi kusayanjanitsika mpaka atakhala ndi chidaliro cha ndalama zawo zamtsogolo zaubwenzi.

4. Alibe chidwi ndi inu chifukwa amakunyengererani

Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zoipitsitsa (ndi zofala) zosasamala ndi kusakhulupirika. Wokondedwa wanu angakhale adakumana ndi wina watsopano ndipo pang'onopang'ono anasiya kusamala za inu. Tsopano ndi opanda chidwi ndi osachita chidwi. 

Ngati ndinu amene mukunamizidwa , chochitika choopsa monga kusakhulupirika kapena kutaya chidaliro chingakupangitseni kumva ngati mulibe chidwi nthawi yomweyo. Izi nthawi zambiri zimachitika ngati njira yodzitetezera kuti muteteze munthu wovulalayo.

5. Kuyankhulana kwasokonekera

Dr. Batra anati: “Chimene chimachititsa kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi asakhale ndi chidwi ndi pamene asiya kulankhulana. Kusamvana kwapang'onopang'ono kungakhale chifukwa cha kusamvetsetsana kosathetsedwa, ubale wautali, nkhani zaumoyo kumbali zonse ziwiri, kusokoneza banja, ndi zina zotero.

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6. Nkhani zambiri zasokoneza

Kupanda chisamaliro kungakhale kunayamba pambuyo pa mkangano waukulu, kapena mikangano yotsatizana ikanapangitsa kuti winayo asakhale ndi chidwi ndi winayo. Mphwayi imayamba pang'onopang'ono ngati nkhani siziyankhidwa mwamsanga.

7. Kusasangalala ndi inu nokha kwawapangitsa iwo kukhala osakhudzidwa ndi inu 

Dr. Batra akunena kuti, “Anthu akasiya kukhala osangalala komanso okhutira mkati mwawo, amayambanso kudzipatula kwa anzawo , kukhala okayikira, kudandaula kuti zosowa zawo sizikukwaniritsidwa, kusokonekera, ndi kufunafuna chimwemwe ndi zinthu zatsopano kwina.” Mofananamo, kafukufuku wopangidwa ndi Thomas Fuchs mu 2013 akunena za ubale womwe ulipo pakati pa kuvutika maganizo ndi kusokonezeka kwa maubwenzi ndi kudzipatula ndi ena.

Mwachionekere, pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana, mnzanu wosasamala amasiya kuchita khama n’kuyamba kutaya chidwi mwa inu kapena pachibwenzicho. Tsopano mukudziwa momwe kusasamala kungaphe ubale m'njira zosiyanasiyana. 

9 Zizindikiro Zowoneka Zosakhudzidwa Mu Ubale 

Tsopano, tikudziwa kuti kusayanjanitsika paubwenzi kumatanthauza kusagwirizana ndi winayo. Ngati muwona zina mwazosonyeza kuti mulibe nkhawa muubwenzi wanu, ingakhale nthawi yothetsa vutoli. 

1. Kupanda ubwenzi 

Chimodzi mwa zinthu zoyamba kutha pamene kusayanjanitsika kumalowa ndi chiyanjano. Zochita zomwe zimasiya kukhala patsogolo paubwenzi wotere ndi:

• Kukwatirana
• Kugwirana manja
• Kugawana bedi lomwelo
• kugonana

Ngakhale kuti pangakhale nthawi zodziletsa kapena kudzipatula chifukwa cha matenda kapena ngakhale kuperekedwa, nkhaniyi ikhoza kugonjetsedwa. Komabe, kusasamala kungayambitse kutaya kwa ubwenzi kwa nthaŵi yaitali.  

2. Kusadetsa nkhawa nthawi zonse ndi chidwi 

Tsopano, izi zitha kuwonekera m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Koma njira imodzi yapadera kwambiri ndi yomwe wowerenga wazaka 27 wochokera ku Louisiana adagawana, "Kwa ine, kusowa kwa mnzanga wodandaula kunali kodzaza ndi kusalabadira. Ndikhulupirireni pa izi: Ngati mnzanu wa moyo wanu ankakukakamizani kuti muchite izi kapena izo, koma tsopano sakuteronso, izi zitha kukhala chizindikiro choyipa."

“Nthawi zina kukalimirana ndi njira imene anthu amasonyezera kuti amawaganizira, ndipo akapanda kutero, kukambiranako n’kusiya.” Choncho, ngakhale kuti kupsetsana mtima kungaoneke ngati mphatso, dziwani kuti ubwenzi wanuwo udzatha.

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3. Palibenso khama lomwe limapangidwanso

Mapeto a miyambo ndi zizolowezi za anthu ena atha kukhala oyipa kwa tsogolo lanu ndipo zikuwonetsa kuti zinthu zikulowa pansi. Zitsanzo zina za kusowa kwa khama mu ubale:

• Nonse mumasiya kukonzekera madeti limodzi
• Palibe chisangalalo mu kuvala ndi kukopa ena
• The manja ang'onoang'ono achikondi mudali kupangirana kwa nthawi yaitali mulibe
• Mwamuna kapena mkazi wopanda chidwi, wosasamala amaiwalanso tsiku lokumbukira tsiku lobadwa la mnzakeyo

4. Zizindikiro za kusayanjanitsika zimaphatikizapo kusalankhulana 

Kuti ubale uliwonse ukhale wopambana , payenera kukhala kulankhulana kwaulere. Ndiye ndi makambirano otani omwe amasiyidwa ngati pali mnzanu/abwenzi osaganizira ena? Nazi zitsanzo zina:

• Paubwenzi wosalabadira, okwatirana ambiri amasiya kulankhulana monga momwe amachitira kapena kubwerezabwereza 
• Palibenso kucheza wamba, kosangalatsa
• Kukambitsirana mozama ndi chinthu chakale
• Simungathe kufotokozera zosowa zanu moyenera 

5. Sikoyenera ngakhale kumenyera nkhondo

"Kupeŵa mikangano sikugwira ntchito," akutero Caitlin Cantor, munthu wovomerezeka, okwatirana komanso wopenda kugonana ku Philadelphia. Caitlin anawonjezera m’nkhaniyo kuti: “Ngati mungathe kumenyana ndi kuphunzira mmene mungagwirizanitsire mikangano yanu ndi kuphunzira zambiri ponena za wina ndi mnzake kupyolera mu ndewuyo, ndiye kuti zimenezo ziridi zathanzi.”

Mabanja ena amasangalala akamakangana ndi kuyanjananso . Ena amathetsa mkwiyo wawo. Pamene chifuniro cholimbana nacho chitatha, nthawi zambiri zimatanthauza kuti munthuyo sakumva chilichonse. Kuti nkhani yomwe ili m'nkhaniyi si yoyenera nthawi yawo kapena mphamvu zawo. Iyi ndi mphukira yoipa ya ubale wosayanjanitsika. Kumbukirani, malingaliro amphamvu achikondi (kapena chidani) okha ndi omwe amayambitsa ndewu.

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6. Kukhala chete 

M’banja lodzala ndi kupanda chidwi, mumakhala chete. Chilichonse chingawoneke ngati cholimbikira komanso chosasangalatsa konse. Kukhala chete kungathenso kuchitapo kanthu ngati mnzawo sakufuna kufotokoza zakukhosi kwawo mwa kulankhula. 

7. Mabodza ndi kusakhulupirirana zimayamba 

Chinthu chimodzi nthawi zambiri chimatsogolera ku china, ndipo ubale womwe unayamba bwino ukhoza kukhala ukukumana ndi mavuto osakhulupirika ndi chinyengo. Akuti kusalabadira kukalowa muubwenzi, mabodza nthawi zambiri amavomerezedwa popanda vuto. Munthu wosalabadirayo anganamize mwamuna kapena mkazi wake chifukwa chosasamala za momwe winayo akumvera.

Wokondedwayo wakhudzidwa ndi wosayanjanitsikayo akhoza kunama pazifukwa zingapo monga kukankhira malire kuti awone ngati chidwi chikutsatiridwa kapena ngati chovuta kupezanso chidwi. Pamene malingaliro osayanjanitsika amalowa muubwenzi, mumayamba kutaya chidwi ndi munthu wina, chemistry imachepetsa, kulankhulana kumatha, ndipo mwadzidzidzi, mumazindikira kuti chikondi chachepa. 

8. Kusakhulupirika kungakhale chizindikiro ngati wina sakusamala

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wofalitsidwa mu Journal of Qualitative Research in Health Sciences , 2020, kusowa chikondi, kusakondana ndi mnzanu, komanso kusatenga nawo mbali m'banja ndizomwe zimayambitsa kusakhulupirika. Kusaganizirana kukayamba, kusakhulupirika kungawonekere pamene mukuyang'ana ena kuti ayatsenso chikondi.

9. Palibe kutha 

Chizindikiro chodziwikiratu cha kusakhudzidwa ngati inu ndi mnzanu mwakhala mukuyesetsa popanda cholinga chenicheni. Kuthetsa chibwenzi kumafuna khama, kulankhulana, nthawi, ndi kuwona mtima - Zinthu zonse zomwe zikusoweka ngati mukumva kusakhudzidwa ndi mnzanu. Ndiye mumatani? Mumachotsa mantha ndikulola zinthu kuti ziyende bwino, ndikukupangitsani nonsenu kumva kuti mwatsekeredwa komanso kuti simungathe kuchita chilichonse.

Dr. Batra akuwonjezera kuti, "Ndikuganiza kuti zizindikiro zosaoneka bwino kwambiri ndizo zowoneka bwino kwambiri. Chilichonse chomwe chinali chodziwikiratu pakati pa okwatirana kale koma chikuwoneka kuti chasintha chikhoza kukhala chizindikiro chochenjeza, ngakhale chikuwoneka ngati chosafunikira kwa ena. Kusowa masiku ofunika, masiku obadwa, ndi zikumbukiro; osapanga zochitika monga kale; kusasamalira mokwanira pamene wina sali bwino; osayitana makolo anu nthawi zonse - Zonsezi.

“Nthawi zina mwamuna ndi mkazi akamakangana akasiya kukangana, zimakhalanso zoonekeratu kuti n’zosadabwitsa.” M’pofunika kuganizira kwambiri za chimene chinali, chimene chiri, ndi kumene zikuonekera kuti zinthu zikuyenda bwino kuti ubwenzi wanu ukhale wabwino.”

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Malangizo a 3 Okonza Kusayanjanitsika Mu Ubale

Kodi muthetse? Kodi ubalewo uyenera kukonzedwa? Kukhala wopanda chidwi ndi wina kungayambitse imfa yaubwenzi, koma si nthawi zonse mapeto ake. Tiyeni tiwone njira zitatu zovomerezeka zowunikiranso ndikukonza kusayanjanitsika paubwenzi:

1. Pezani gwero la vutolo 

Zifukwa zingapo zikanapangitsa kuti musakhale ndi chidwi. Nawu mndandanda wazovuta zomwe zingachitike pakati panu awiri:

• Kodi inu ndi mnzanuyo mumathera nthawi yokwanira limodzi?
• Kodi nonse muli nazo mavuto kuyankhulana zosowa zanu ndi zokhumba zanu?
• Kodi moyo wanu wakugonana uli pachiwopsezo, ndipo m'malo mothana nazo, mumakonda kudzipatula?
• Kodi pali chochitika china chomwe chayambitsa mphwayi ndi kusagwirizana m'malingaliro?
• Kodi munagwirapo ntchito ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo? Si zachilendo kuti mphwayi amayamba chifukwa cha kuvutika maganizo, choncho mvetserani maganizo anu ndi kupeza chithandizo chimene mukufunikira kuti mukhale ndi moyo wabwino.

Yambani ndikuyika makhadi anu onse patebulo kuti nonse muzindikire mawonekedwe ndikuganizira zothetsera. Kumbukirani kukhala oona mtima pamene mukuchita zimenezo, kapena mfundo yonse ya zochitikazo yatayika. 

2. Phunzirani kulankhulana 

Yakwana nthawi yoti mukambirane za malingaliro amenewo a kusakhudzidwa kuti mupulumutse ubale wanu wokhalitsa . Chifundo ndi chidwi ndizomwe zili zabwino zokha zomwe muyenera kuyikapo ndalama komanso njira yopitira patsogolo ngati nonse mukufunitsitsa kuti zinthu ziyende bwino.

• Gawani zakukhosi kwanu popanda kuwopa kulakwa kapena kudziimba mlandu
• Polankhulana, yesetsani kuti musamangoganizira za m’mbuyo
• Gwiritsani ntchito chilankhulo choyang'ana kutsogolo ndikuchotsana wina ndi mnzake paudindo waumwini

Mwanjira imeneyi, mutha kumanganso kukhulupirirana, chikondi, chidwi ndi chikondi. Dr. Batra amavomereza kuti, "Lankhulanani, lankhulani, lankhulani. Mukawona chinthu chachilendo, funsani mnzanuyo zomwe zikuchitika ndikuyesa kufufuza zomwe zikuchitika. Musalole kuti zinthu zikhalepo. Kusayanjanitsika kumakula pawokha, monga chikomokere. Mukakhala mu chikomokere, m'pamenenso mwayi wotsitsimuka umachepa. Choncho lankhulani, funsani thandizo kwa bwenzi kapena banja lanu ndi kupulumutsa ubale wanu ndi katswiri, kapena katswiri. "

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3. Kongoletsani zinthu 

Ubwenzi ukakhala wotopetsa, chinthu chabwino kuchita ndikugwedeza zinthu. Chotsani kunyong’onyeka kumene mwina kwakutengani masiku anu pochitira limodzi zinthu zatsopano. 

• Konzani masiku amasiku (ndipo mudzikakamize kuti zichitike)
• Pezani nthawi yocheza
• Zochita zamwayi kapena kukhala panja nthawi zambiri zimakhala zokwanira kuti adrenalin ikuyenda bwino ndikupangitsa moyo kukhala wosangalatsa
• Popanga mapulani ndi zolinga zaubwenzi wanzeru pamodzi, inu recommitting ku tsogolo kamodzinso

Bwanji ngati palibe chomwe chimagwira ntchito?

Pamapeto pake, ngati zonse zitalephera, muli ndi njira imodzi yomaliza: Pitirizani. Nthawi zina, ndi bwino kuti onse awiri alitchule tsiku. Ngati mukuona kuti mwachita zonse zomwe mungathe kuti muwongolere zinthu, koma palibe chimene chayenda, zili bwinonso. Sean, mmisiri wa matabwa wa ku Georgia, anafotokoza zimene anaphunzira pamene anatha.

Kusayanjanitsika ndi mkhalidwe woipa kwambiri kukhalamo. Kumadzetsa mphwayi, kusakondweretsedwa, kusalingalira, ngakhalenso nkhanza. Mfundo yoti mukhale paubwenzi ndiyo kugawana zinthu za m'moyo zomwe zili m'mwamba komanso zotsika. Pamene onse awiri agwira ntchito limodzi kuti akwaniritse zolinga zawo zonse ndikuyika ndalama zofanana mu chiyanjano chawo, zingakhale zogwirizana komanso zokhutiritsa.

Komabe, ngati mmodzi akuona kuti alibe chidwi, zingawononge kudzidalira ndi ulemu wa mnzake. Ngati inu kapena wokondedwa wanu mwataya njira yanu ndipo mukufunikira kuyang'ana pa kugwirizananso wina ndi mzake, mphwayi ukhoza kuthetsedwa ndi kukonzedwa. Siziyenera kutanthauza mapeto, koma zimasonyeza kuti zinthu zaterera, ndipo chinachake (kapena winawake) ayenera kuponda mabuleki ndi kubwezeretsa zinthu! 

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