Malangizo 8 Akatswiri Oti Mupulumuke Pamavuto a Ukwati

Kodi mukuona ngati ukwati wanu uli pachiswe? Imeneyi mwina ndiyo njira yosavuta yodziwira zomwe zikuphatikiza mavuto a m'banja. Ngakhale, "pangozi" amawoneka ngati tanthauzo losamveka, malingaliro athu ndi malingaliro athu nthawi zambiri amakhala chitsogozo chabwino kwambiri chowunika thanzi la maubwenzi athu ndikuwonetsa zoopsa zomwe zikubwera.

Vuto la m’banja kapena mavuto a m’banja ndi vuto lililonse m’banja limene, kwa okwatirana, limaoneka ngati lovuta kulithetsa. Mkhalidwe wake umasiyana kwambiri kuchokera ku banja kupita ku ukwati, monganso zomwe zimayambitsa ndi zothetsera.

Kuti timvetse bwino zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto a m'banja, tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Pragati Sureka (MA mu Clinical Psychology, katswiri wamaphunziro ochokera ku Harvard Medical School), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani monga kuthana ndi mkwiyo, mavuto okhudza kulera ana, komanso ukwati wozunza komanso wopanda chikondi kudzera muzinthu zokhudzana ndi malingaliro.

Anatilozeranso mbali ya zizindikiro zoonekeratu zimene zingatiuze ngati zimene tikuwonazo zilidi m’mavuto a m’banja, ndipo anatipatsa uphungu waluso wa mmene tingapulumukire m’mavuto a m’banja.

Kodi Vuto Laukwati N'chiyani?

Ukwati ukhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri zomwe zimakhudza moyo wa munthu, panopa, ndi tsogolo lake. Kudzipereka m’banja kungathe ngakhale kusokoneza munthu. Mosapeŵeka, zopinga kapena mavuto amene amabwera m’banja amakhudza kwambiri moyo wa banja lonse. Zimenezi zimapangitsa kuti mavuto a m’banja akhale chochitika chimene sichiyenera kuonedwa mopepuka kapena kunyalanyazidwa.

Koma kodi vuto la ukwati n’chiyani kwenikweni? Pragati akufotokoza kuti, “Tikamalankhula za ukwati womwe uli pamavuto, kwenikweni ndi gawo la ubale pomwe kulumikizana, kofunikira kwambiri kuti mgwirizano ukhale wopambana, kumasokonekera.”

Aliyense, amene ali mu mgwirizano uliwonse, amakumana ndi mavuto. Koma vuto ndi gawo lovuta kwambiri la vuto la ubale . Pakhoza kukhala mitundu yambiri ya mavuto m'banja. N'zotheka kuti mavutowo amasonkhana ndikukula pakapita nthawi, kotero kuti ndi aakulu kwambiri kuti asathe kuthetsedwa tsopano. Kapena, banja likukumana ndi vuto lalikulu mwadzidzidzi monga kuvulala kosayembekezereka. Mwachitsanzo, imfa ya mwana, kapena kuulula chinsinsi chakale, kapena mavuto azachuma.

Zikatere, okwatirana amayesetsa kuthana ndi vutolo. Ngati moyo wonse wa ubale ndi anthu omwe akukhudzidwawo alola, okwatiranawo apambana kuthetsa vutoli. Zingadalirenso kukula kwa chiwonongekocho kapena kupwetekedwa mtima kumene kunachitika. Ngakhale maubwenzi opambana komanso abwino kwambiri angakumane ndi vuto lalikulu ngati phiri losagonjetseka, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubalewo uwonongeke chifukwa cha kulemera kwake.

Koma m’zochitika zonsezi, zimene aŵiriwo amakumana nazo ndi mkhalidwe wachisoni kumene amawona kukhala kosatheka kulimbana ndi vutolo. Mwamuna ndi mkazi amene akukumana ndi mavuto m’banja akhoza kuvutika maganizo kwambiri, kukhala ndi nkhawa komanso kutaya mtima. Kulankhulana kumakhala koletsedwa. Zotsatira zake zitha kuwoneka m'mikhalidwe ndi machitidwe osati a banja lokha komanso mamembala ena abanja, makamaka ana.

Kodi Zomwe Zimayambitsa Mavuto M'banja Ndi Chiyani?

Polankhula za zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto m'banja, Pragati amalankhula za chomwe chimayambitsa vutoli. Amanena mawu a Esther Perel, katswiri wodziwika bwino wa zamaganizo komanso mlangizi wa maubwenzi, yemwe walankhula za chifukwa chake maukwati amakono amavutika kwambiri. Iye anati, "Izi zimachitika chifukwa timayembekezera kuti munthu m'modzi azisamalira zomwe mudzi wonse unkasamalira. Mumayembekezera kuti mnzanu akhale mnzanu, komanso kukwaniritsa zosowa zanu zachikondi. Ubale wachikondi ndi wachikondi ukuyembekezeka kuchokera kwa munthu m'modzi. Mumayembekezeranso kuti nonse muzisangalala ndi zochita zomwezo. Nthawi yomweyo, dongosolo lanu la makhalidwe abwino ndi gawo la kusakaniza."

Pragati akuwonjezera kuti, "Akatswiri ena a maubwenzi amapereka zifukwa zina, monga nthawi yayitali yogwira ntchito kapena kuika zinthu zofunika patsogolo. Akutisonyeza kufunikira kwa liwu loti 'kunyengerera'. Iye anati: “Anthu ena saika patsogolo kufunika kwa kulolera ponena kuti palibe vuto ngati sitigwirizana, timakhala ndi moyo kamodzi kokha.

Iye akunenanso kuti kufalikira kwa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti komanso kuchuluka kwa chidziwitso ndi komwe kumayambitsa izi. Pofotokoza za maukwati otchuka, iye anati, "Chimene chimachitika ndi chakuti anthu amakhudzidwa ndi moyo wosangalatsa kapena malo ochezera a pa Intaneti. Anthu amayembekezera chikondi chachikulu, chomwe nthawi zina sichingatheke kwa anthu wamba. Zitha kukhala chifukwa cha makhalidwe, kapena ndalama, kapena kusiyana kwa magwiridwe antchito ndi moyo . Koma aliyense amayembekezera kukopeka choncho, ndi nthabwala kapena kutchuka kwa moyo ndi moyo."

Zizindikiro 5 Kuti Ukwati Wanu Ukukumana ndi Mavuto

Koma mumazindikira bwanji kuti zomwe mukukumana nazo ndi zachangu kapena zovuta kwambiri zomwe zingatchulidwe kuti ndizovuta. Kodi mavuto a m'banja ndi maganizo? Ngati inde, ndiye mumamva bwanji banja likavuta? Pragati anati: “Mumayamba kudziona kuti ndinu otalikirana kwambiri, kapena mumaona kuti simukukumvetsani nthawi zonse. Mungakhale m’chipinda chimodzi, mwina mukugona limodzi, koma pali mtunda wautali, ndipo palibe chimene mungachite.

Pragati amatenga chidziwitso kuchokera kwa John Gottman, katswiri wa zamaganizo waku America, ndi chiphunzitso chake cha Okwera Mahatchi Anayi a ubale. Monga Okwera Mahatchi Anayi a Apocalypse omwe akuwonetsa kutha kwa nthawi, Gottman adafotokoza za Okwera Mahatchi Anayi kapena machitidwe anayi omwe akuwonetsa kutha kwa ubale. Pragati amawona makhalidwe anayiwa ngati zizindikiro zangwiro zaukwati womwe uli pamavuto, komanso amapereka chizindikiro chowonjezera pamapeto pake.

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1. Kudzudzula

“ Kudzudzula munthu wina nthawi zonse, zovala zake, tsitsi lake, zizolowezi zake ndi khalidwe lake, luso lake monga kuphika, kapena ndalama zomwe amapeza, ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu kuti muli m'dera lovuta,” akutero Pragati. Ndi kuukira umunthu kapena kudzimva kwa munthu winayo. Ndi khalidwe lomwe lilibe cholinga china kupatula kuvulaza.

Ndikofunika kuzindikira kuti kudzudzula ndi kudandaula ndi mawu awiri osiyana. Kulankhula zodetsa nkhawa kapena madandaulo, zikachitika bwino, ndi khalidwe lolimbikitsa. Madandaulo ndi nkhani zomwe ziyenera kuthetsedwa. Koma kudzudzulidwa kukachitika nthawi zonse, kumamveka ngati kuwukira kwa munthu komwe kukufuna.

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2. Kunyoza

Kutsutsidwa kosalekeza kumatsatiridwa ndi kunyozedwa. Ndi dongosolo lodziwikiratu. Mlingo wa kudzudzulidwa ukakwera mokwanira, munthu amene akusonyeza kunyozedwa amangosintha n’kukhala wankhanza komanso wopanda ulemu.

Timawonjezera khalidwe loipali mwa kunyoza, kunyoza, kunyoza, ndi kusonyeza kupanda ulemu. Pragati anati: “Mukapeza kuti mukulankhula monyoza kwa mnzanuyo, dziyang’anireni nokha, chifukwa mwina zimabweretsa mavuto m’banja, kapena ndi chizindikiro cha mavuto a m’banja.

3. Kudziteteza

Kudziteteza ndi njira yachibadwa yodzitetezera mukakumana ndi kuukiridwa. Ngati inu kapena mnzanu mumadzipeza mukuteteza nthawi zonse, n'zotheka kuti munthuyo akumva kuukiridwa. Koma kuyankha kudziteteza pamaso pa nkhawa yeniyeni sikuthandiza china chilichonse kupatula kungodzudzula mnzanuyo mwankhanza . Pragati akuti, "Mukamadziteteza, chomwe mukufuna ndi kufotokozera zoona zanu."

Izi zimakhala ngati chipika mu njira yolankhulirana ndipo ndi chizindikiro choonekeratu kuti ukwati uli pamavuto. Kumbali ina, muubwenzi wabwino, yankho la munthu pa madandaulo kapena nkhawa ya wokondedwa wake ndikuvomereza malingaliro awo ndi kuvomereza udindo.

4. Kugwetsa miyala

Stonewalling ndi gawo lomaliza la mndandanda wa machitidwe akupha a ubale. Zimachitika ngati kuyankha zonse pamwambapa. Mu gawo ili la ubale, wodzazidwa ndi khalidwe loipa ndi njira zolankhulirana, munthu amangochoka ndikukana kuyankha. Izi zimatchedwa stonewalling

Pragati akupereka chitsanzo. “Mnzanu akunena zinazake ndipo mumakhala ngati nthiwatiwa, mukudzifunsa kuti, ‘Munthu uyu samveka. Palibe chifukwa choyankhira.’” Pakadali pano, njira yolankhulirana pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu yatha. Palibe chizindikiro chomveka bwino chakuti popanda kulankhulana, palibe kutuluka muvuto. Kusokoneza maganizo ndi njira yakale ‘yosachita’ pamene banja lanu lili pavuto.

5. Nkhanza

Mndandanda wa "zizindikiro za vuto muubwenzi" ndi wosakwanira popanda nkhanza. Nkhanza zakuthupi, zamaganizo, zogonana, ndi mawu . Maubwenzi ozunza ndi oopsa ndipo ayenera kutha.

Ngati inu kapena wokondedwa wanu mukukumana ndi nkhanza ndi winayo, ndi chizindikiro chowonekera kuti ubale wanu uli pamavuto akulu. Nkhanza ndi njira ndipo nthawi zambiri imadzibwereza yokha. Kufunitsitsa ndi kuthekera kobwerezabwereza kuvulaza munthu wina ndikugwetsa momveka bwino maziko a ubale, ndipo kuyenera kutengedwa mozama.

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Malangizo 8 Akatswiri Oti Mupulumuke Pamavuto a Ukwati

N’zotheka kuthetsa mavuto a m’banja mwa kuphunzira mmene mungathetsere mavuto m’banja. Zingakhale zovuta kapena zosavuta kutengera zinthu zingapo. Zisanachitike zomwe zidayambitsa zovuta (kapena zisanachitike zochitika zing'onozing'ono zomwe zidadzetsa vuto lalikulu), thanzi la ubale wanu ndi ubale wanu ndi okondedwa wanu zidali bwanji? Kodi mavutowa ndi aakulu bwanji? Kodi muli okonzeka bwanji ndi njira zoyenera zoyankhulirana? Kodi ndinu omasuka bwanji kuti muphunzire, kusintha, ndi kukonza?

Pragati amamupatsa malangizo pa zinthu 8 zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuphunzira kuthana ndi mavuto m'banja.

1. Pezani chithandizo kudzera mu chithandizo

Mkhalidwe wa mavuto a m'banja ndi gawo lomaliza musanayambe ukwati kapena ubale wanu wovuta umatha. Ichi ndichifukwa chake chinthu choyamba chomwe Pragati akulimbikitsa ndi chithandizo ndi katswiri wabwino wa mabanja, ngati mungathe kupeza ndikugula. Akugogomezera kuti uphungu wa mavuto a m'banja uyenera kuchokera kwa munthu amene angakuthandizeninso kumvetsetsa komwe mudaphunzira njira zanu zolankhulirana.

Amanena za phindu lina lofunika la chithandizo. "Mu chikhalidwe chathu cholumikizana, komwe timakhudzidwa ndi zomwe anthu amayembekezera, chithandizo chimakuthandizani kuti mumvetsetse zomwe mukufuna."

Katswiri wothandiza anthu angapereke chithandizo choyenera pa nthawi ya mavuto a m'banja. Chithandizo chopanda tsankho komanso njira yowongolera zidzakuthandizani kuyang'ana bwino mavuto omwe alipo, ndikukutsogolerani ku mayankho enieni. Ngati mukukumana ndi mavuto a m'banja kapena vuto la m'banja mwanu, gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito komanso odziwa zambiri la Bonobology lilipo kuti likuthandizeni.

2. Yang'anani machitidwe anu a ubwana wanu

Tonse timatengera machitidwe athu kuyambira ubwana wathu. Ziribe kanthu kutalika kwa banja - vuto la m'banja la zaka 7, kapena 20, kapena ngakhale mavuto a m'banja adakali aang'ono - magwero ake amatha kutsatiridwa ndi machitidwe a ubwana wake ndi machitidwe okondana.

Kawirikawiri, kuti agwire ntchito pazinthu izi, kugwira ntchito ndi katswiri kumalimbikitsidwa kuti athe kulamulira maganizo omwe ali pamwamba. Kapena funsani mozama ndi zolemba za momwe mumamvera pamene mukukumana ndi mikangano muubwenzi wanu. Izi zitha kukuthandizani kuwona malingaliro anu osazindikira.

3. Yang'anirani nkhani za mkwiyo

Pragati amalimbikitsa kwambiri kuthana ndi mkwiyo ngati muli nawo. Ngati muli ndi vuto lokwiyitsa, muyenera kuthana nalo, osati za amene adayambitsa vutoli.

Kuti muzitha kudzithandiza nokha komanso kuthana ndi mavuto anu a mkwiyo, mutha kuyesa njira zosiyanasiyana zothanirana ndi mkwiyo monga kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi opumira kwambiri, kudzilankhula bwino, komanso kusinkhasinkha. Kulankhulana ndi mnzanu wodalirika pogwiritsa ntchito momwe mukumvera ndi njira ina yothandiza yothanirana ndi mkwiyo. Mabuku odzithandiza ndi maphunziro apaintaneti omwe cholinga chake ndi kuthana ndi mkwiyo - kwaulere komanso olipira - ndi ochepa mwa maphunziro ambiri omwe angakuthandizeni. Kuphatikiza apo, munthu angaganizire zofunsira kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo kuti apeze chomwe chimayambitsa mavuto a mkwiyo ndikuthana nawo.

4. Pewani masewera odzudzula

Tikadayenera kukuuzani zomwe simuyenera kuchita banja lanu likakhala pamavuto, zikanakhala izi. Musati mutengeredwe mu mlandu-game. M'malo mwake, tengani udindo. Pragati anati: “Ndikafunika kuwoloka msewu kapena kuyendetsa galimoto, munthu wina angalumphe kuwala, koma ineyo ndiyenera kusamala chifukwa ndimakhala woyendetsa galimoto.”

Kutenga udindo sikutanthauza kuti muyenera kugonjera ku kukakamizidwa, kapena kuvomereza zolakwa zomwe simunachite, kapena kuvomereza mfundo zanu. Kumatanthauza kutenga udindo pa gawo lanu la mgwirizano. Kuvomereza zolakwa zomwe mudachita. Kuyang'ana mkati, ndikuyesetsa kukonza zofooka zanu. Kaya ndi vuto la ukwati patatha zaka 7 kapena vuto la ukwati usanakwane, kusinthana kwa mlandu kudzakuikani mu mkhalidwe womwewo woipa. Ndi udindo wokhawokha womwe anthu awiri angagwire ntchito kuti apeze yankho.

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5. Khalani oona mtima ndi inu nokha

Pragati amalimbikitsa munthu kukhala woona mtima ndi kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi ndili woona motani m’banja langa?”, “Kodi ndikupeza chiyani kuchokera m’banja?”, “Kodi ndingalolere chiyani?”, “Kodi zimene sindingakambirane ndi ziti?” Mudzafunika kuona mtima ndi kuona mtima ndi inu nokha pa gawo lililonse la ndondomekoyi kuti mutuluke muvuto.

Pragati akupereka chitsanzo choyenera. "Mwinamwake mumazindikira kuti chikhulupiriro china cha mnzanu sichili m'dongosolo lanu la makhalidwe abwino . Koma mungafunebe kukhala muubwenzi chifukwa muli ana, kapena ndi zofunika pa ndalama kwa inu. Muyenera kudzifunsa nokha kuti ukwatiwo ukukwaniritsa chiyani. Pamenepo ndi pomwe mungayambe kuyendetsa bwino malingaliro anu.

“Mudzasankha kuti izi ndi zinthu zomwe ndingakhale nazo, ndipo izi ndi zosakambitsirana. Mugawo lotsatira, mungaganizire za zinthu khumi zomwe simungakhale nazo, ndi chinthu chimodzi chomwe mungachite. Mwachitsanzo, ngati ndachitiridwa nkhanza, mungaganize kuti sindingathe kulolera nkhanza ndipo ndimakonda kukhala kulekana kapena kusudzulana.

Koma pa zonsezi, choyamba muyenera kukhala oona mtima nokha. Kuona mtima kudzakuthandizani kusankha malire anu ndikutsata njira yoyenera kwa inu.

6. Muziganizira kwambiri vutolo

Mavuto akakula kapena kuchulukirachulukira pakapita nthawi, zimakhala zovuta kuziganizira mozama. M'malo mwake, zomwe zimachitika ndikuti timapeza kukhala kosavuta kuchotsa vutolo ndikuyamba kuliwona ngati lathunthu. Pang'ono ndi pang'ono, chidwi chimachoka pamavuto osamveka bwinowa ndikufika kwa munthu m'modzi yemwe timayamba kumuwona ngati gwero lazovuta zathu.

Pragati akupempha anthu kuti ayambe kuyang'ana kwambiri pa vutoli popanda kuliphatikiza kapena kulisintha kukhala khalidwe la munthu wina. Iye anati, "Vutoli likhoza kukhala chizolowezi, kapena zomwe anthu amayembekezera zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe, kapena kachitidwe ka banja kosagwirizana . Ngati muyang'ana kwambiri pa vutoli, lingakuthandizeni kuona komwe mnzanuyo akuchokera kapena momwe amaonera zinthu. Zingakuthandizeni kuyesetsa kupeza yankho."

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7. Yang'anani kwambiri pakukula kwanu kwamalingaliro ndi uzimu

Pragati akugogomezera za kufunika koyang'ana kwambiri pakukula kwa psycho-uzimu. “Ukhoza kuphunzira kugwira ntchito pa iwe wekha, ndi kudzipereka ku mphamvu yapamwamba, ndipo umazindikira kuti pali mphamvu yaikulu kuposa iwe yomwe ingathe kukuthandizani kuti mutuluke mu kusakhoza kulamulira moyo wanu.

“Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti pemphero ndi chida chofuna kukambirana.

Kukhala ndi moyo wopindulitsa komanso wodziwa bwino ntchito kungathandize kwambiri pamavuto a m'banja chifukwa, vuto la m'banja ndi vuto la anthu awiri paokha. Pragati akuti, " Kuchita zinthu moganizira tsiku ndi tsiku kumagwira ntchito pokuthandizani kuti mukhazikitse maganizo anu, omwe ndi diso la mphepo yamkuntho yomwe ndi vuto la m'banja."

Komanso, kuganizira kwambiri za kukula kwanu kwauzimu kungakupatseninso cholinga. Zidzakuthandizani kukhazikitsa gwero lanu lachisangalalo mu chinachake chomwe chili mu mphamvu zanu. Pragati anati: “Mukakhala ndi cholinga ndiponso kukhutitsidwa, mumakhala wosasowa m’mabwenzi.

8. Osataya mtima

Munthu ayenera kukhala ndi chidziwitso, makamaka pa nthawi yamavuto a m'banja. Mukayang'ana pa moyo wanu, monga protagonist wamkulu wa nkhani yanu, zimakhala zosavuta kuti munthu asiye kuyang'ana. Tili ndi chizolowezi chongopeka kapena kukokomeza zinthu mosazindikira mwakufuna kwathu kudziteteza. Izi zikutanthauza kuti tonsefe timakokomeza zinthu zomwe zingathe kuthetsedwa, komanso kunyalanyaza mavuto omwe ali oopsa.

Kusawona zinthu moyenera kumatanthauzanso kuti timayamba kuyembekezera kusintha kwakukulu popanda khama pang'ono, ndikumva kukhumudwa patangopita masiku ochepa kuti tichitepo kanthu. Tiyenera kukhala ndi malingaliro m'magawo onse aulendowu kuti tikondwerere zipambano zazing'ono, kuwona zowongolera, ndikusilira misana yathu.

Chitani zonse zomwe mungathe kuti mufufuze momwe nkhaniyo ilili. Ngati mungathe, yang'anani chithandizo choyenera chomwe chimakuthandizani kuwona zinthu momwe zilili.

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Kuyanjana kwathu ndi Pragati kunatha ndi mawu abwino okhudza Magic Ratio ya John Gottman ya 5:1. Iye akutiuza kuti, “Gottman anati, kuti ukwati ukhale wolimba, kuyanjana kulikonse koyipa kuyenera kuthetsedwa ndi kuyanjana kosachepera kasanu koyenera.” Kuti zinthu zimveke bwino, kudzudzula mnzanu kapena kunyalanyaza kuchita chinthu chomwe adakupemphani kuti muchite ndi kuyanjana koyipa. Kuyamikira mnzanu, kumusonyeza chikondi , kapena kuchita naye chinthu chosangalatsa, ndi kuyanjana kwabwino.

Pamapeto pake, akuwonjezera kuti, "Kulera nyengo zonse ndi mithunzi yonse ya chikondi kuyenera kukhala mfundo yeniyeni yaukwati." Yang'anani mwatcheru moyo wanu ndi mnzanuyo, ndipo muwone kuchuluka kwa machitidwe abwino ndi oipa omwe mudakhala nawo nawo. Zonse zikanenedwa ndikuchitidwa, yesani kuyang'anira, kusunga, ndi kukonza chiŵerengero chamatsenga cha 5: 1.

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