Malangizo 8 Akatswiri Oti Mupulumuke Pamavuto a Ukwati

Kodi mukuona ngati ukwati wanu uli pachiswe? Imeneyi mwina ndiyo njira yosavuta yodziwira zomwe zikuphatikiza mavuto a m'banja. Ngakhale, "pangozi" amawoneka ngati tanthauzo losamveka, malingaliro athu ndi malingaliro athu nthawi zambiri amakhala chitsogozo chabwino kwambiri chowunika thanzi la maubwenzi athu ndikuwonetsa zoopsa zomwe zikubwera.

Vuto la m’banja kapena mavuto a m’banja ndi vuto lililonse m’banja limene, kwa okwatirana, limaoneka ngati lovuta kulithetsa. Mkhalidwe wake umasiyana kwambiri kuchokera ku banja kupita ku ukwati, monganso zomwe zimayambitsa ndi zothetsera.

Kuti timvetse bwino zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto m'banja, tinakambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Pragati Sureka (MA mu Clinical Psychology, mbiri ya akatswiri kuchokera ku Harvard Medical School), yemwe amagwira ntchito pothana ndi zovuta monga kuwongolera mkwiyo, nkhani zakulera, komanso ukwati wankhanza komanso wopanda chikondi pogwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zamalingaliro.

Anatilozeranso mbali ya zizindikiro zoonekeratu zimene zingatiuze ngati zimene tikuwonazo zilidi m’mavuto a m’banja, ndipo anatipatsa uphungu waluso wa mmene tingapulumukire m’mavuto a m’banja.

Kodi Vuto Laukwati N'chiyani?

Ukwati ukhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri zomwe zimakhudza moyo wa munthu, panopa, ndi tsogolo lake. Kudzipereka m’banja kungathe ngakhale kusokoneza munthu. Mosapeŵeka, zopinga kapena mavuto amene amabwera m’banja amakhudza kwambiri moyo wa banja lonse. Zimenezi zimapangitsa kuti mavuto a m’banja akhale chochitika chimene sichiyenera kuonedwa mopepuka kapena kunyalanyazidwa.

Koma kodi vuto laukwati n’chiyani? Pragati akufotokoza kuti, “Pamene tikulankhula za ukwati umene uli m’mavuto, kwenikweni ndi nthaŵi ya unansi pamene lingaliro la kugwirizana, lofunika kwambiri ku ubale wachipambano, limasokonekera.”

Aliyense, yemwe ali mu mgwirizano wamtundu uliwonse, amakumana ndi zovuta. Koma vuto ndi gawo lovuta kwambiri la a vuto la ubale. Pakhoza kukhala mitundu yambiri yamavuto m'banja. N'zotheka kuti zovuta zomwe zinasonkhanitsidwa ndikuwonjezera nthawi yowonjezera, kotero kuti ndi zazikulu kwambiri kuti zithetse tsopano. Kapena, okwatirana akukumana ndi vuto ladzidzidzi, lalikulu ngati vuto lomwe silinachitikepo. Mwachitsanzo, imfa ya mwana, kapena kuwulula chinsinsi cham’mbuyo, kapena kusoŵa ndalama.

Zikatere, okwatirana amayesetsa kuthana ndi vutolo. Ngati moyo wonse wa ubale ndi anthu omwe akukhudzidwawo alola, okwatiranawo apambana kuthetsa vutoli. Zingadalirenso kukula kwa chiwonongekocho kapena kupwetekedwa mtima kumene kunachitika. Ngakhale maubwenzi opambana komanso abwino kwambiri angakumane ndi vuto lalikulu ngati phiri losagonjetseka, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubalewo uwonongeke chifukwa cha kulemera kwake.

Koma m’zochitika zonsezi, zimene aŵiriwo amakumana nazo ndi mkhalidwe wachisoni kumene amawona kukhala kosatheka kulimbana ndi vutolo. Mwamuna ndi mkazi amene akukumana ndi mavuto m’banja akhoza kuvutika maganizo kwambiri, kukhala ndi nkhawa komanso kutaya mtima. Kulankhulana kumakhala koletsedwa. Zotsatira zake zitha kuwoneka m'mikhalidwe ndi machitidwe osati a banja lokha komanso mamembala ena abanja, makamaka ana.

Kodi Zomwe Zimayambitsa Mavuto M'banja Ndi Chiyani?

Polankhula za zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto m'banja, Pragati amalankhula za gwero la vutolo. Amagwira mawu a Esther Perel, katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso mlangizi wodziwika bwino wa ubale, yemwe walankhula za chifukwa chomwe maukwati amakono amavutikira kwambiri. Iye anati: “Izi zimachitika chifukwa timayembekezera kuti munthu mmodzi azisamalira zimene mudzi wonse unkachitira.” Mukuyembekezera kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akhale bwenzi lanu komanso kuti azikukondani. mgwirizano wa platonic ndi chikondi zimayembekezeredwa kuchokera kwa munthu yemweyo. Mukuyembekezeranso kuti nonse muzisangalala ndi zinthu zofanana. Nthawi yomweyo, dongosolo lanu lamtengo wapatali lilinso gawo losakanikirana. ”

Pragati akuwonjezera kuti, "Akatswiri ena a maubwenzi amapereka zifukwa zina, monga nthawi yayitali yogwira ntchito kapena kuika zinthu zofunika patsogolo. Akutisonyeza kufunikira kwa liwu loti 'kunyengerera'. Iye anati: “Anthu ena saika patsogolo kufunika kwa kulolera ponena kuti palibe vuto ngati sitigwirizana, timakhala ndi moyo kamodzi kokha.

Amanenanso za kuwonekera komanso kufalikira kwa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti komanso kuchuluka kwa zidziwitso zomwezo. Pofotokoza za maukwati a anthu otchuka, iye anati: “Zimene zimachitika n’zakuti anthu amatengera zochita za anthu okonda mafilimu kapena malo ochezera a pa Intaneti. kugwirira ntchito pamoyo. Koma aliyense amayembekeza kukopedwa monga choncho, ndi sewerolo kapena zokonda kwambiri kuposa moyo ndi moyo. ”

Zizindikiro 5 Kuti Ukwati Wanu Ukukumana ndi Mavuto

Koma mumazindikira bwanji kuti zomwe mukukumana nazo ndi zachangu kapena zovuta kwambiri zomwe zingatchulidwe kuti ndizovuta. Kodi mavuto a m'banja ndi maganizo? Ngati inde, ndiye mumamva bwanji banja likavuta? Pragati anati: “Mumayamba kudziona kuti ndinu otalikirana kwambiri, kapena mumaona kuti simukukumvetsani nthawi zonse. Mungakhale m’chipinda chimodzi, mwina mukugona limodzi, koma pali mtunda wautali, ndipo palibe chimene mungachite.

Pragati amatenga chidziwitso kuchokera kwa John Gottman, katswiri wa zamaganizo waku America, ndi chiphunzitso chake cha Okwera Mahatchi Anayi a ubale. Monga Okwera Mahatchi Anayi a Apocalypse omwe akuwonetsa kutha kwa nthawi, Gottman adafotokoza za Okwera Mahatchi Anayi kapena machitidwe anayi omwe akuwonetsa kutha kwa ubale. Pragati amawona makhalidwe anayiwa ngati zizindikiro zangwiro zaukwati womwe uli pamavuto, komanso amapereka chizindikiro chowonjezera pamapeto pake.

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1. Kudzudzula

"Kutsutsa nthawi zonse munthu winayo, zovala zake, tsitsi lake, zizolowezi zake ndi khalidwe lawo, luso lawo monga kuphika, kapena ndalama zimene amapeza, zimasonyeza bwino lomwe kuti muli m’dera lofiyira la vuto.” Ndiko kuukira umunthu kapena kudzimva kwa munthuyo.

Ndikofunika kuzindikira kuti kudzudzula ndi kudandaula ndi mawu awiri osiyana. Kulankhula zodetsa nkhawa kapena madandaulo, zikachitika bwino, ndi khalidwe lolimbikitsa. Madandaulo ndi nkhani zomwe ziyenera kuthetsedwa. Koma kudzudzulidwa kukachitika nthawi zonse, kumamveka ngati kuwukira kwa munthu komwe kukufuna.

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2. Kunyoza

Kutsutsidwa kosalekeza kumatsatiridwa ndi kunyozedwa. Ndi dongosolo lodziwikiratu. Mlingo wa kudzudzulidwa ukakwera mokwanira, munthu amene akusonyeza kunyozedwa amangosintha n’kukhala wankhanza komanso wopanda ulemu.

Timawonjezera khalidwe loipali mwa kunyoza, kunyoza, kunyoza, ndi kusonyeza kupanda ulemu. Pragati anati: “Mukapeza kuti mukulankhula monyoza kwa mnzanuyo, dziyang’anireni nokha, chifukwa mwina zimabweretsa mavuto m’banja, kapena ndi chizindikiro cha mavuto a m’banja.

3. Kudziteteza

Kukhala wodzitchinjiriza ndi kuyankha kwachilengedwe kukumva kuwukiridwa. Ngati inu kapena mnzanu mukupeza kuti mukusewera chitetezo nthawi zonse, ndizotheka kuti munthuyo akumva kuti akuwukiridwa. Koma kuyankha kodzitchinjiriza pamaso pa vuto lovomerezeka sikumagwira ntchito ina koma kudzudzula mnzanu mu a kungokhala-mwaukali mafashoni. Pragati akuti, "Mukadzitchinjiriza, zomwe mukufuna ndikudzilungamitsa nokha."

Izi zimakhala ngati chipika mu njira yolankhulirana ndipo ndi chizindikiro choonekeratu kuti ukwati uli pamavuto. Kumbali ina, muubwenzi wabwino, yankho la munthu pa madandaulo kapena nkhawa ya wokondedwa wake ndikuvomereza malingaliro awo ndi kuvomereza udindo.

4. Kugwetsa miyala

Stonewalling ndi gawo lomaliza la mndandanda wa machitidwe akupha a ubale. Zimachitika ngati kuyankha zonse pamwambapa. Mu gawo ili la ubale, wodzazidwa ndi khalidwe loipa ndi njira zolankhulirana, munthu amangochoka ndikukana kuyankha. Izi zimatchedwa stonewalling

Pragati akupereka chitsanzo. “Mnzakoyo akulankhula zinazake ndipo iweyo umakhala ngati nthiwatiwa, n’kumaganiza kuti, ‘Munthu ameneyu alibe nzeru, palibe chifukwa choyankha.’” Pamenepa, njira yolankhulirana pakati pa inu ndi mnzanuyo yasokonekera. Sipangakhale chisonyezero chomveka bwino chakuti popanda kulankhulana, palibe kutuluka muvuto. Emotional stonewalling Ndi buku lachikale lakuti 'zomwe simuyenera kuchita' pamene banja lanu lili pamavuto.

5. Nkhanza

Mndandanda wa "zizindikiro za vuto muubwenzi" ndi zosakwanira popanda nkhanza. Zathupi, zamalingaliro, zogonana, kuzunza. Maubwenzi ankhanza ndi oopsa ndipo ayenera kutha.

Ngati inu kapena wokondedwa wanu mukukumana ndi nkhanza ndi winayo, ndi chizindikiro chowonekera kuti ubale wanu uli pamavuto akulu. Nkhanza ndi njira ndipo nthawi zambiri imadzibwereza yokha. Kufunitsitsa ndi kuthekera kobwerezabwereza kuvulaza munthu wina ndikugwetsa momveka bwino maziko a ubale, ndipo kuyenera kutengedwa mozama.

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Malangizo 8 Akatswiri Oti Mupulumuke Pamavuto a Ukwati

N’zotheka kuthetsa mavuto a m’banja mwa kuphunzira mmene mungathetsere mavuto m’banja. Zingakhale zovuta kapena zosavuta kutengera zinthu zingapo. Zisanachitike zomwe zidayambitsa zovuta (kapena zisanachitike zochitika zing'onozing'ono zomwe zidadzetsa vuto lalikulu), thanzi la ubale wanu ndi ubale wanu ndi okondedwa wanu zidali bwanji? Kodi mavutowa ndi aakulu bwanji? Kodi muli okonzeka bwanji ndi njira zoyenera zoyankhulirana? Kodi ndinu omasuka bwanji kuti muphunzire, kusintha, ndi kukonza?

Pragati amamupatsa malangizo pa zinthu 8 zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuphunzira kuthana ndi mavuto m'banja.

1. Pezani chithandizo kudzera mu chithandizo

Mkhalidwe wamavuto a m'banja ndi gawo lomaliza musanayambe ukwati kapena wanu mgwirizano wakufa zimasweka kwathunthu. Ichi ndichifukwa chake chinthu choyamba chomwe Pragati amalimbikitsa ndikuchiza ndi dokotala wabwino wabanja, ngati mutha kupeza ndikumugula. Iye akutsindika kuti uphungu wamavuto a mbanja uyenera kuchokera kwa munthu amene angakuthandizeninso kumvetsetsa komwe munaphunzira njira zanu zoyankhulirana.

Amanena za phindu lina lofunika la chithandizo. "Mu chikhalidwe chathu cholumikizana, komwe timakhudzidwa ndi zomwe anthu amayembekezera, chithandizo chimakuthandizani kuti mumvetsetse zomwe mukufuna."

Katswiri wochiritsira angapereke malingaliro ofunikira kwambiri mumkhalidwe wamavuto aukwati. Thandizo lolunjika ndi dongosolo lotsogola lidzakuthandizani kuyang'ana nkhani zomwe zilipo momveka bwino, ndikukutsogolerani ku mayankho enieni. Ngati mukukumana ndi mavuto m'banja kapena gawo lamavuto muukwati wanu, Bonobology's gulu la akatswiri ad akatswiri odziwa zambiri alipo kuti akuthandizeni.

2. Yang'anani machitidwe anu a ubwana wanu

Tonse timatengera machitidwe athu kuyambira ubwana wathu. Ziribe kanthu kutalika kwa banja - vuto la m'banja la zaka 7, kapena 20, kapena ngakhale mavuto a m'banja adakali aang'ono - magwero ake amatha kutsatiridwa ndi machitidwe a ubwana wake ndi machitidwe okondana.

Kawirikawiri, kuti agwire ntchito pazinthu izi, kugwira ntchito ndi katswiri kumalimbikitsidwa kuti athe kulamulira maganizo omwe ali pamwamba. Kapena funsani mozama ndi zolemba za momwe mumamvera pamene mukukumana ndi mikangano muubwenzi wanu. Izi zitha kukuthandizani kuwona malingaliro anu osazindikira.

3. Yang'anirani nkhani za mkwiyo

Pragati amalimbikitsa kwambiri kuthana ndi mkwiyo ngati muli nawo. Ngati muli ndi vuto lokwiyitsa, muyenera kuthana nalo, osati za amene adayambitsa vutoli.

Kuti muthane ndi vuto lanu nokha ndi mkwiyo wanu, mutha kuyesa zosiyanasiyana njira zowongolera mkwiyo monga kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kupuma mozama, kudzilankhula kolimbikitsa, ndi kusinkhasinkha. Kukambirana zakukhosi kwanu ndi mnzanu wodalirika ndi njira ina yabwino yothanirana ndi mkwiyo. Mabuku odzithandizira okha ndi maphunziro a pa intaneti olimbana ndi mkwiyo - aulere komanso olipidwa - ndizochepa mwazinthu zambiri zophunzirira zomwe zingakuthandizeni. Kuonjezera apo, munthu angaganizire kukaonana ndi dokotala kuti adziwe zomwe zimayambitsa mkwiyo ndikuwongolera.

4. Pewani masewera odzudzula

Tikadayenera kukuuzani zomwe simuyenera kuchita banja lanu likakhala pamavuto, zikanakhala izi. Musati mutengeredwe mu mlandu-game. M'malo mwake, tengani udindo. Pragati anati: “Ndikafunika kuwoloka msewu kapena kuyendetsa galimoto, munthu wina angalumphe kuwala, koma ineyo ndiyenera kusamala chifukwa ndimakhala woyendetsa galimoto.”

Kutenga udindo sikutanthauza kuti muyenera kugonja pakukakamizidwa, kapena kukhala ndi zolakwa zomwe simunapange, kapena kunyengerera ndi dongosolo lanu lamtengo wapatali. Zikutanthauza kutenga udindo wa gawo lanu la mgwirizano. Kuti mukhale ndi zolakwa zomwe mudapanga. Kuwona mkati, ndi kuyesetsa kukonza zolakwa zanu. Zikhale zovuta zaukwati pambuyo pa zaka 7 kapena vuto laukwati woyambirira, kusunthika kwa mlandu zidzakuikani mumkhalidwe woipa womwewo. Pokhapokha ndi udindo wogwira ntchito anthu awiri angagwiritse ntchito njira yothetsera vutoli.

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5. Khalani oona mtima ndi inu nokha

Pragati amalimbikitsa munthu kukhala woona mtima ndi kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi ndili woona motani m’banja langa?”, “Kodi ndikupeza chiyani kuchokera m’banja?”, “Kodi ndingalolere chiyani?”, “Kodi zimene sindingakambirane ndi ziti?” Mudzafunika kuona mtima ndi kuona mtima ndi inu nokha pa gawo lililonse la ndondomekoyi kuti mutuluke muvuto.

Pragati amapereka chitsanzo chabwino. “Mwinamwake mumazindikira kuti chikhulupiriro cha mnzanuyo ndicho kunja kwa mtengo wanu . Koma mungafunebe kukhala pachibwenzi chifukwa pali ana okhudzidwa, kapena ndi zofunika zachuma kwa inu. Muyenera kudzifunsa kuti ndi chiyani chomwe banjali likuchita. Pokhapokha mungayambe kuyendetsa bwino malingaliro anu.

“Mudzasankha kuti izi ndi zinthu zomwe ndingakhale nazo, ndipo izi ndi zosakambitsirana. Mugawo lotsatira, mungaganizire za zinthu khumi zomwe simungakhale nazo, ndi chinthu chimodzi chomwe mungachite. Mwachitsanzo, ngati ndachitiridwa nkhanza, mungaganize kuti sindingathe kulolera nkhanza ndipo ndimakonda kukhala kulekana kapena kusudzulana.

Koma pa zonsezi, choyamba muyenera kukhala oona mtima nokha. Kuona mtima kudzakuthandizani kusankha malire anu ndikutsata njira yoyenera kwa inu.

6. Muziganizira kwambiri vutolo

Mavuto akakula kapena kuchulukirachulukira pakapita nthawi, zimakhala zovuta kuziganizira mozama. M'malo mwake, zomwe zimachitika ndikuti timapeza kukhala kosavuta kuchotsa vutolo ndikuyamba kuliwona ngati lathunthu. Pang'ono ndi pang'ono, chidwi chimachoka pamavuto osamveka bwinowa ndikufika kwa munthu m'modzi yemwe timayamba kumuwona ngati gwero lazovuta zathu.

Pragati amafunsa anthu kuti ayambe kuyang'ana pavutoli popanda kuliphatikizira kapena kudzipangira yekha ndi khalidwe la munthu wina. Iye akuti, “Vuto likhoza kukhala kuledzera, kapena zoyembekeza zosakwaniritsidwa, kapena a banja losagwira ntchito chitsanzo. Ngati mumayang'ana pavutoli, zingakuthandizeni kuyang'ana kumene wokondedwa wanu akuchokera kapena momwe mtengo wake ulili. Zingakuthandizeni kupeza yankho. ”

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7. Yang'anani kwambiri pakukula kwanu kwamalingaliro ndi uzimu

Pragati akugogomezera za kufunika koyang'ana kwambiri pakukula kwa psycho-uzimu. “Ukhoza kuphunzira kugwira ntchito pa iwe wekha, ndi kudzipereka ku mphamvu yapamwamba, ndipo umazindikira kuti pali mphamvu yaikulu kuposa iwe yomwe ingathe kukuthandizani kuti mutuluke mu kusakhoza kulamulira moyo wanu.

“Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti pemphero ndi chida chofuna kukambirana.

Kukhala ndi moyo waphindu komanso mozindikira kumatha kubweretsa zovuta m'banja chifukwa, pambuyo pake, vuto laukwati ndi vuto la anthu awiri. Poyitcha kusintha kwa moyo, Pragati akuti, "Tsiku lililonse kuchita mwanzeru imagwira ntchito mwa kukuthandizani kukhala pakati pa malingaliro anu, amene ali diso la mkuntho umene uli mavuto a m’banja.”

Komanso, kuganizira kwambiri za kukula kwanu kwauzimu kungakupatseninso cholinga. Zidzakuthandizani kukhazikitsa gwero lanu lachisangalalo mu chinachake chomwe chili mu mphamvu zanu. Pragati anati: “Mukakhala ndi cholinga ndiponso kukhutitsidwa, mumakhala wosasowa m’mabwenzi.

8. Osataya mtima

Munthu ayenera kukhala ndi chidziwitso, makamaka pa nthawi yamavuto a m'banja. Mukayang'ana pa moyo wanu, monga protagonist wamkulu wa nkhani yanu, zimakhala zosavuta kuti munthu asiye kuyang'ana. Tili ndi chizolowezi chongopeka kapena kukokomeza zinthu mosazindikira mwakufuna kwathu kudziteteza. Izi zikutanthauza kuti tonsefe timakokomeza zinthu zomwe zingathe kuthetsedwa, komanso kunyalanyaza mavuto omwe ali oopsa.

Kusawona zinthu moyenera kumatanthauzanso kuti timayamba kuyembekezera kusintha kwakukulu popanda khama pang'ono, ndikumva kukhumudwa patangopita masiku ochepa kuti tichitepo kanthu. Tiyenera kukhala ndi malingaliro m'magawo onse aulendowu kuti tikondwerere zipambano zazing'ono, kuwona zowongolera, ndikusilira misana yathu.

Chitani zonse zomwe mungathe kuti mufufuze momwe nkhaniyo ilili. Ngati mungathe, yang'anani chithandizo choyenera chomwe chimakuthandizani kuwona zinthu momwe zilili.

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Kuyanjana kwathu ndi Pragati kunatha pazabwino kwambiri za John Gottman's Magic Ratio ya 5:1. Akutiuza kuti, "Gottman adanena kuti, kuti banja likhale lolimba, kusamvana kulikonse kuyenera kuthetsedwa ndi machitidwe osachepera asanu." Kuti zinthu ziwonekere, kudzudzula wokondedwa wanu kapena kunyalanyaza zomwe adakupemphani kuti muchite ndi kusagwirizana. Kuyamikira wokondedwa wanu, kusonyeza chikondi, kapena kuchita nawo zinthu zosangalatsa, ndiko kuyanjana kwabwino.

Pamapeto pake, akuwonjezera kuti, "Kulera nyengo zonse ndi mithunzi yonse ya chikondi kuyenera kukhala mfundo yeniyeni yaukwati." Yang'anani mwatcheru moyo wanu ndi mnzanuyo, ndipo muwone kuchuluka kwa machitidwe abwino ndi oipa omwe mudakhala nawo nawo. Zonse zikanenedwa ndikuchitidwa, yesani kuyang'anira, kusunga, ndi kukonza chiŵerengero chamatsenga cha 5: 1.

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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