13 Zizindikiro Zowonetsa Kusokoneza Ubale

Kusokoneza paubwenzi kumakhala ngati kukhala ndi mwala mu nsapato yanu. Chinachake chimamveka cholakwika nthawi zonse ndipo vuto silitha ngakhale mutaganiza kuti mwalikonza. Ngakhale kuti ntchito za nkhanza zamaganizo ndi kuwongolera zimakhala zovuta kuyika chala, zowonongeka zomwe zimayambitsa zimakhala zazikulu komanso zokhalitsa. Kusazindikira za zizindikiro zosokoneza muubwenzi kumafotokoza kuchuluka kwa maanja omwe akupitilira mchitidwe wowononga womwewo. 

Kudziphunzitsa tokha za kusokoneza (ndi zonse zomwe zimafunika) ndi sitepe yoyamba yokonza vutoli. Mitundu yambirimbiri ya nkhanza zamaganizo imamveka bwino ndi chitsogozo cha katswiri wa zamaganizo. Tikukambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe ndi katswiri wa uphungu wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Ali pano kuti akuunikireni momwe njira zosokoneza zimagwirira ntchito muubwenzi ndi zizindikiro zofiira zomwe muyenera kusamala nazo.

Kukambirana mozungulira mutuwu ndikofunikira kuti mukhale ndi moyo wathanzi wachikondi komanso kulumikizana kwamalingaliro. Zizindikiro zosaoneka bwino za kusokoneza ubale zimabweretsa mavuto kwa onse okhudzidwa. Popanda kuchedwa, apa ndikuwonetsa chiwongolero chokwanira champhamvu, zachikondi, komanso nkhanza zamalingaliro. 

Kodi Ubale Wonyenga Umawoneka Wotani?

Kodi kunyengerera kumawoneka bwanji muubwenzi? Ndipo chofunika kwambiri, zikutanthauza chiyani kwenikweni? Dr. Bhonsle akunena mophweka, "Ndi njira yopezera mphamvu pa mnzanuyo. Mukufuna kukhazikitsa ulamuliro ndi kusokoneza ndi chida chofooketsa munthu winayo. Pali kusalinganika bwino kwa mphamvu mu maubwenzi ambiri onyenga pamene munthu mmodzi amagwiritsa ntchito njira kuti apeze zomwe akufuna nthawi zambiri. Kuyatsa mpweya, kusalemekeza, kupezerera anzawo, masewera a maganizo, ndi zina zotero." 

Ngakhale kuti kukangana kwa mphamvu pakati pa okwatirana sikunamvekepo, kusokonezana kumapangitsa kuti zinthu zisinthe chifukwa kumachitika mobisa ngati chikondi, chisamaliro, ndi chisamaliro. Ndiloleni ndipereke chitsanzo. Allison ndi Nate akhala limodzi kwa zaka zitatu. Ubwenzi wawo unayamba bwino kwambiri ndipo ankaoneka kuti akugwirizana kwambiri. Koma posachedwapa, anzawo ayamba kuona zinthu zachilendo. Zinthu zimachitika nthawi zonse malinga ndi Allison; nthawi yake, momwe akumvera, komanso momwe akumvera zimakhala zofunika kwambiri.

Ndipo izi zikadakhala zosazindikirika koma kusintha kowoneka bwino kwa umunthu wa Nate. Nthawi zonse amadzikayikira, akukayikira zosankha zake, akufunsana ndi Allison asanapange zisankho zing'onozing'ono. Ndipotu, kudzikayikira kwa Nate kwamupangitsa kuti azidalira Allison ndipo amalimbitsa khalidweli m'njira zobisika. Ngati anena kuti ndi wodziimira payekha, amadzinenera kuti wavulazidwa chifukwa chosafunsidwa. Ngati ayesa kudandaula za chibwenzicho, amawopseza kuti atha. Pang'onopang'ono (koma motsimikizika) Nate adalira bwenzi lake kwathunthu. Sangathe kuwona zomwe abwenzi ake angathe - kunyengerera kwa akazi mu maubwenzi moipitsitsa. 

Chifukwa sitikufuna kuti mukhale mu nsapato zake, tasankha mndandanda wa zizindikiro 13. Izi ndizizindikiro zotsimikizika zachinyengo mu ubale. 

13 Zizindikiro Zowonetsa Kusokoneza Ubale

Kugwedeza mawondo anu ku zizindikiro izi kungakhale kukana. Ndikwachibadwa kuteteza ubale umene mwaikapo chikondi, nthawi, ndi khama kwambiri. Koma tikukulimbikitsani kuti muchotse kukana kumeneko ndikuwona zinthu moyenera. Njira yosavuta yochitira izi ndikuyika patsogolo moyo wanu (wanu okha) panthawi yonse yomwe mukuwerenga. Kusokoneza maganizo m'mabwenzi nthawi zambiri kumachotsera anthu luso lodziyika okha patsogolo. 

Tidzabwezeretsa kudzimva kwanu pang'onopang'ono. Mukukumbukira Idyani, Pempherani, Muzikonda? Umenewo ndi mtundu wa ulendo womwe tikuyesetsa. Chinthu choyamba kuchita ndikukhala ndi maganizo otseguka. Chachiwiri, khalani okonzeka kuvomereza zotsatira za kuwunika kwanu. Kumbukirani mawu anzeru a Craig D. Lounsbrough omwe anati, "Chowonadi chingakupwetekeni, koma sichili mdani wanu." Poganizira zimenezo, tiyeni tifufuze mozama zizindikiro za chinyengo muubwenzi.

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1. Kuunikira gasi ndi chizolowezi mu ubale wapoizoni wonyenga

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kuti: “Kuyatsa gasi ndi njira yochenjera kwambiri yonyenga. Kumachitika pamene munthu achititsa mnzanuyo kukayikira luso lake lotha kuzindikira zinthu.

Mwachidule, kuunikira gasi kumatanthauza kupangitsa munthu kukayikira zomwe zikuchitika. Ngati inu ndi mnzanu mwasankha kukumana nthawi ya 5 koloko madzulo kuti mudye khofi ndipo afika msanga, mudzakhulupirira kuti nthawi yoyamba yomwe munagwirizana inali 4:30. Zitsanzo zazing'onozi zitha kukhala zochepa koma zimakhala zambiri pafupipafupi. Mawu ounikira gasi omwe amapha chikondi amawononga kwambiri akapitirira kwa nthawi yayitali. Pa zizindikiro zonse za kunyengerera muubwenzi, ichi ndi champhamvu kwambiri.

2. Mwachotsedwa ntchito

Kodi mungakumbukire nthawi yomaliza yomwe mudadzudzulapo za chibwenzicho? Kodi munatengedwa mozama? Kodi inu ndi mnzanu munakambirana za vuto lanu? Anthu omwe akhudzidwa ndi kunyengedwa muubwenzi nthawi zambiri amakhumudwa chifukwa amamva ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo sakumva. Munthu amene amanyenga mnzakeyo amanyoza mlandu womwe mnzakeyo amamuneneza kapena amangounyalanyaza.

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Kukhumudwa ndi zokumana nazo n’zimene zimachititsa kuti munthu asokoneze maganizo pa chibwenzi.” Wokondedwa wanu amangonyalanyaza zimene mukunena ndi mawu onga akuti ‘ndinu wokhudzika kwambiri’ kapena ‘siyani kuchita zinthu mopambanitsa ndipo limbanani nazo. Amalingalira, kodi vuto langa ndi lochepa kwambiri?

3. Kupezerera anzawo m'maganizo 

Kupezerera anzawo m'maganizo kumapangitsa munthu kumvetsetsa kuti 'akuganiza zolakwika'. Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu za kusokoneza maganizo m'banja ndi m'modzi yemwe ali ndi malingaliro awo, zomwe amakonda, ndi zikhalidwe za mnzake. Ndi chizindikiro chamwano ndipo zikusonyeza kuti mwina muli pachibwenzi ndi narcissist. Pali njira zambiri zoyendera munthu m'maganizo; zonse zimayamba ndi kukhazikitsa ukulu waluntha. 

Wonyenga amagwiritsa ntchito mfundo kutsimikizira mkangano wawo - ziwerengero, malipoti a nkhani, zochitika zaumwini, ndi zina zotero. Zimakupangitsani kuzindikira kuti akudziwa bwino. Ngati mukufuna ayisikilimu a vanila kuti mukhale mchere, adzafulumira kukuuzani kuti chokoleti ndi yopindulitsa kwambiri pa thanzi. Chokoleti ndi yabwino pamtima ndipo muyenera kupewa ayisikilimu ya vanila chifukwa imakhala ndi zokometsera. Simungathe kulimbana nawo mwanzeru, mudzagonja pazochitikazo ndikukhala ndi chokoleti sundae m'malo mwake. Ndikufunsabe kuti, “Mumadziwa bwanji ngati muli pachibwenzi chonyenga”?

4. Kuchitiridwa nkhanza chifukwa cha kupambana - Zizindikiro zachinyengo muubwenzi

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kuti: “Nthaŵi zambiri anthu onyenga amaseŵera munthu amene wakumana naye kapena pamene mphamvu zawo zikuwopsezedwa. Ichi ndi chinyengo chosavuta kwambiri mu bukhu losokoneza bongo chifukwa limapeza chifundo ndikuzemba udindo. Izi zimabweretsanso zomwe zinachitika zaka zingapo zapitazo. 

Mchemwali wanga anali pachibwenzi ndi mnzake wa m’kalasi ndipo anali wosakondwa pachibwenzi. Kenako anaganiza zongosiya atangoyamba kukangana kwa miyezi itatu. 'Pakulankhula' kwawo, adamudzudzula chifukwa chowonjezera nkhawa zake pomwe mayeso anali pafupi. Nawonso zinthu ndi banja lake sizinali bwino, nanga bwanji anasankha kumukhumudwitsa chonchi? Tsopano sakanachita bwino pamapeto ake ndikudutsa mdziko la zowawa chifukwa cha akaunti yake. Henry Cloud anali wolondola kunena kuti, "Ozunzidwa amalengeza kuti, "Dziko ndilofunika kwa ine," ndipo osachita chilichonse kuti akhale ndi moyo wabwino. 

5. Kuyankha? Chimenecho ndi chiyani?  

Anthu omwe ali paubwenzi wabwino amakhala ndi maziko olimba a kuona mtima ndi kuyankha. Amavomereza zolakwa zawo ndipo sachita manyazi kupepesa chifukwa cha zolakwa zawo. Koma maubwenzi oopsa onyenga amadziwika ndi mnzawo m'modzi amene amapewa kuyankha ndipo winayo amalephera kudziimba mlandu. Woyamba sakupepesa ndipo wachiwiriyo akuti pepani chifukwa cha zolakwa zomwe si zake. Chitsanzo chabwino kwambiri cha kunyengerera , kwenikweni.

Ngati mukulandira njira zowonongera maubwenzi, mnzanuyo sangakhale ndi mlandu pa chilichonse chomwe chalakwika. M’chenicheni, iwo adzakwiya ndi lingaliro chabe la chinthu choterocho. Zotsatira za mphamvu yotereyi zidzakhala zoopsa kwambiri; kudzidalira wanu adzatenga kugunda ndi mnzanuyo adzachoka ndi pafupifupi chirichonse. Polephera kuwapangitsa kukhala ndi udindo, mudzakhala oipidwa ndi okwiya, kutaya chidaliro pa sitepe iliyonse ya njira.

6. Kodi chinyengo mu maubwenzi ndi chiyani? The chete mankhwala  

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Kuuza mnzakoyo kusayankhulana ndi njira yachikalekale. M’malo molankhulana momasuka ndi kunena mofulumirirapo, wonyengayo amatalikitsa ntchitoyo mwa kukana kulankhula. Atha kunena mosapita m'mbali za cholinga chawo chopewa kucheza kapena angayerekeze kuti "zonse zili bwino" pomwe sizili bwino.

Kutsekereza mnzanu ndikulola nkhawa kapena kusatetezeka kwawo kutengere njira yokhazikitsira ulamuliro. Chifukwa chakuti munthuyo akasiya kulankhula mosalankhula, mnzakeyo amapeza mpumulo. Maubwenzi osokoneza bongo nthawi zambiri amawona kungokhala chete komanso kusalankhula mwaukali. chikumbutso chinanso cha kuopsa kwa kusalankhulana bwino. 

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7. Ukakamizidwa kuchita zofuna zawo

Kodi malingaliro anu amalamuliridwa ndi lingaliro lokhalitsa la udindo kulinga kwa munthu wofunika? M'njira yodabwitsa, kodi mumapeza kuti mukusunga zomwe mumachitira wina ndi mnzake? Kodi mnzanuyo amakukumbutsani zinthu zambiri zomwe adzimana? Izi ndi zizindikiro zachinyengo muubwenzi ndipo nthawi zambiri zimatsagana ndi mawu monga 'ichi ndi chaching'ono chomwe mungandichitire' komanso 'pambuyo pa zonse zomwe ndikuchita, mukukana kwa ine?'

Mumakumbutsidwa nthawi zonse zinthu zambiri zomwe mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amachita paubwenzi. Chifukwa chake, mumakhala ndi chidziwitso cha zomwe muyenera kuchita. Izi ndi zomwe zimachitika paubwenzi wamalonda ndipo sizipezeka muubwenzi wabwino komanso wogwirizana bwino. Mukuchitiridwa zinthu zosokoneza muubwenzi kotero kuti zofuna za mnzanuyo zitha kukhala patsogolo nthawi zambiri.

8. Kuukira munthu ndi zizindikiro zachinyengo muubwenzi

Dr. Bhonsle akuti, "Kugwiritsa ntchito kusadzidalira kwa munthu motsutsana naye, kubweretsa zochitika zoopsa kuchokera m'mbuyomu, ndi kuukira, kawirikawiri, ndi zizindikiro za chinyengo muubwenzi. N'kosayenera kukhala ndi mikangano yotereyi pomwe palibe mfundo zenizeni. Cholinga si kuthetsa mikangano koma kuvulaza munthu wina." Mikangano imeneyi nthawi zambiri imadziwika ndi mawu wamba - "nthawi zonse mumachita izi" kapena "simulola aliyense kukhala wosangalala".

Kuloza mwadala zingwe za zida za munthu kumasonyeza chidani. Wonyenga akufuna kukugwetsani ndikukulimbikitsani momwe akufunira. Pitani ku njira yokumbukira ndikuganizira mtundu wa mikangano yanu. Pali nthawi zina pamene mnzanuyo akunena chinthu chopweteka kwambiri chomwe sichikugwirizana ndi mkangano womwe mukukhala nawo. Mukuona zomwe ife tikunena?

9. Zowopsa zazikulu

Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati muli pachibwenzi chonyenga? Katswiri wodziwika bwino wa zamaganizo komanso wolemba nkhani Carol A Lambert anayankha funsoli molondola, pamene anati, "Ziwopsezo zonse sizovomerezeka, kaya zokhudzana ndi kuzimitsa khadi lanu la ngongole, kukusiyani, kapena kukuvulazani mwakuthupi. Ziwopsezo cholinga chake ndi kukakamiza, kuchepetsa moyo wanu, komanso kukupangitsani kukhala osatetezeka." Inde! Mitundu ya kusokoneza maganizo m'maubwenzi nthawi zambiri imatha kufika pamlingo pomwe mnzanu m'modzi akupereka ziwopsezo kuti winayo asamalamulire. "Ndidzipha" kapena "Ndikuwononga moyo wanu" si zachilendo monga momwe timaganizira.

Ndipo zonse zimayamba pang'onopang'ono. Ngati mulibe chakudya chamadzulo ndi ine kumapeto kwa sabata ino, sindilankhula nanu. Chiwopsezo chochotsa chikondi ndi chowopsa. Zimabweretsa nkhawa mwa munthu winayo ndipo zimawasiya opanda chochita koma kutsatira. Khalidwe lotere ndi chizindikiro cha kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro mwa munthu; imaloza ku zovuta zomwe sizinathedwe m'mbuyomu zomwe zikuyembekezeredwa pa bwenzi lapano.

10. Chinthu chamantha  

Kodi kunyengerera kumawoneka bwanji muubwenzi, mukufunsa? Zikuoneka ngati mantha. Wokondedwayo akugwiriridwa nthawi zonse amakhala ndi nkhawa, nkhawa, kapena mantha ndi momwe moyo wake ulili. Alibe chitetezo kapena chitetezo ndi okondedwa awo. Maubwenzi onse oyipa achinyengo amakhudza kwambiri ozunzidwawo; amakhala osatsimikiza, anthu amantha amene amakhala mwamantha kudzudzulidwa ndi mabwenzi awo. 

Izi zimawapangitsanso kufunafuna chitsimikizo nthawi zonse pantchito zawo za tsiku ndi tsiku. Mantha amawononga kudzidalira kwawo komanso kudzidalira, ndipo nthawi zambiri, anthuwa amayamba kudzida zomwe zimawononga kwambiri ubale wawo. Ndi chifukwa chabwino chomwe tikuyesera kutsimikizira kukula kwa njira zosocheretsa muubwenzi. Kodi zinthu zikuyenda bwanji pakadali pano?

11. Palibe lingaliro la malire mu ubale wapoizoni wonyenga

Kukhazikitsa malire amalingaliro ndichinthu chofunikira kwambiri paubwenzi wabwino. Chifukwa pali zinthu monga 'kupita patali' kapena 'kudutsa malire'. Munthu aliyense ali ndi madera ena ovuta - ayenera kuchitidwa mosamala ndikusamalidwa bwino. Malire a maubwenzi amachititsa kuti njirayi ikhale yosavuta. Koma tsoka, zizindikiro zachinyengo mu ubale zimachotsa malire aliwonse.

Mnzanu wonyenga amaphwanya malire onse, alibe lingaliro la malo ake ndipo sangakhululukidwe ndi khalidwe loipali. Iwo akufuna kukhala ndi mwayi wochuluka momwe angathere kuntchito zanu zamkati. Pamene akukudziwani kwambiri, m'pamenenso angathe kukhazikitsa ulamuliro. Mosafunikira kunena kuti, kupeza chidziwitso chamunthu wina kudzera muchinyengo kumalepheretsa cholinga cha kulumikizana kopindulitsa ndi ubwenzi wapamtima. 

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12. O-otsutsa kwambiri 

Limodzi mwamayankho ofunikira kwambiri pa zomwe ndikupusitsa m'maubwenzi ndikudzudzula nthawi zonse - kumenyedwa mobwerezabwereza kwa mawonekedwe amunthu. Ndemanga zoipa pa maonekedwe ndi luso zingasokoneze anthu akhungu lokhuthala kwambiri. Koma ndi zomwe munthu wonyenga amafuna - amafuna kuti anthu azimva ngati sangakwanitse. Kunena za chikhalidwe cha pop, yemwe akuyendetsedwa ayenera kumverera kuti theka lawo labwino 'latuluka mu ligi'.

Kudzudzulidwa kumapangitsanso munthu kudzimva kuti ali ndi 'mwayi' kukhala pachibwenzi ndi bwenzi lake. Kuthetsa chinyengo ichi kumatenga nthawi yambiri ndi ntchito. Pamafunika kuzindikira kuyenera kwanu mwa kupezanso chidaliro chotayika ndikuwona munthu winayo mopanda ndale. Anthu ambiri akupitirizabe kukhala paubwenzi wapoizoni wonyenga chifukwa kuwira kwawo sikuphulika.

13. Kodi kunyengerera kumawoneka bwanji muubwenzi? Choncho (un) oseketsa

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kuti: “Kupanda ulemu sikuyenera kukhala koonekera kwambiri kuti kuonekere. Njira zonyoza zoterezi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zitsanzo za chinyengo cha akazi mu maubwenzi. Nthabwala ndi mawonekedwe abwino kwambiri chifukwa sizovuta kuziloza kapena kukhumudwa nazo. Wonyenga nthawi zonse amabisa kuti "ndi nthabwala chabe, palibe vuto lalikulu". 

Nkhope yopitirira muyeso, maso opindika, ndi thupi loseketsa nazonso zimagwera pansi pa nthabwala zonyoza. N'zonyoza kwambiri kuona mnzanu m'modzi akunyoza mnzake pagulu. Tikukhulupirira kuti simudzaona kusalemekezana kumeneku m'maubwenzi anu.

Chabwino, munaganizapo chiyani za zizindikiro zobisika za kunyengerera muubwenzi? Kodi kudziyesa kwanu kunavumbula china chake chodetsa nkhawa? Ngati zili choncho, simuyenera kuda nkhawa kwambiri. Kukonza ubale woopsa nthawi zonse kumakhala kotheka pofunafuna thandizo. Kutengera zosowa zanu, mutha kupita kukalandira chithandizo cha munthu payekha kapena cha maanja. Anthu ambiri achira ku kunyengerera kwamalingaliro muubwenzi mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wazaumoyo wamaganizo. Ku Bonobology, timapereka chithandizo chaukadaulo kudzera mu gulu lathu la alangizi ndi akatswiri azachipatala ovomerezeka. Nthawi zonse timasangalala kukuthandizani.

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