Quick Bites

How to tell your partner you need space when you’re upset

After an argument with your partner, it is important you tell him/her very delicately that you need some space to clear your head.
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How you ask for space makes a difference

In relationships, arguments are inevitable. In fact, some even say that they can be helpful in making the relationship stronger. But when you tell your partner to leave you alone, it is essential that you tell him/her using the appropriate words and tone of voice. After all, you do not want to aggravate the issue by telling him to go away. The message needs to be clear that you only need some time to be by yourself, which is healthy for you, him/her and your relationship.

“I’ll speak to you once I have some clarity”

If you are able to tell your partner that you do not have clarity over whatever it is that you are discussing and that you will need some time to think about it, then surely he/she will understand that he/she needs to be a little more patient with you. You can also ask him/her to change the topic, give you some time and continue with everything as normal as it was before. You should be careful about the tone of your voice and be genuine about the fact that you really need that time to clear your head or thoughts. Assure your partner that he/she is very important for you and that once you have spent your ‘own’ time, you shall tell him/her everything that was going through your head.

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“Baby, I love you but as of now I need some time on my own”

There are many cases when your partner begins to feel that you have stopped loving him/her, especially after a fight and when you have asked them to leave you alone. It is normal that you say such things in the heat of the moment, but it could always be worded better. You need to reassure your partner that you love him/her, but at that moment, you need to be by yourself so as to find your perspective. If you can calm down and make him/her understand that the time you want is for you to let go of whatever it is that’s upsetting you, they’ll surely understand.

Read more: Making time for your friends helps improve your relationship

“I know you want to help, but I’ll come to you for sure when I need it”

Even after telling your partner to give you time, often you will find that he/she wants to help you to let go of anything that is upsetting you. In such a scenario, you must reassure your partner that he/she will be the first person you’ll reach out to when you need his/her help, but for now you need to be on your own. Once again, it is important that you check on the tone of your voice. Be warm, friendly and affectionate. If you say such a thing with anger and frustration, you will be sure to repel him/her away so that they are not there to support you when needed.

man apologizing
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“Darling, can we please talk later, because I am not able to process anything”

Sometimes, it has to be about you. Whenever you feel that you are too exhausted mentally, it is a good idea to take a break from the conversation. Tell him/her that you are not feeling too well about the discussion and that you need to be left to rest for a while. You can also ask him/her to give you time to take a stroll in the nearest park to relax. Be open to answer his/her questions about what it is that you are feeling when you say ‘unwell’, and tell them that it is just a little quiet time you need with yourself to re-energise yourself.

quick bite native bannerAs individuals, both of you will experience such circumstances when you need time in silence. When you sound friendly and polite, your partner will surely understand your needs. However, it is important that none of you make it an ego issue.

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1 Comment

  1. Very well written and makes a lot of sense. A lot of couples break up because they feel claustrophobic with their partner. Maybe being too clingy and not trusting your partner when they’re working on something may in turn push them further away from you.

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