We have often heard and said that communication is the key to a healthy relationship. But what happens when this communication becomes the cause for hurtful exchanges and fights in a relationship or marriage? We all say some hurtful things to our partners and spouses – as couples all of us have those common fights and arguments.
But in the heat of the moment, at times, anger gets the better of us and we say nasty things. Things that you or your partner should never say to each other. When we realize it, we apologize to our partner but the problem is that your partner never forgets.
A hurtful phrase once uttered, stays in their mind forever. Saying hurtful things in a relationship can scar your relationship forever.
12 HurtfulThings You Or Your Partner Should Never Say To Each Other
We’ve all had our fair share of fights and exchanged angry and hurtful words with our partner. The problem is that, with each hurtful exchange, the relationship turns sour. When your spouse says hurtful things in a relationship, it becomes the basis of almost all the future fights to come.
Blame-shifting becomes an easy way out for that moment but it also harms your relationship. So what should you not say in an argument? Here are 12 things you should never say to your significant other.
Related Reading: How Saying Hurtful Things In A Relationship Affects It
1. “What have you done for me?”
We tend to ignore the efforts and sacrifices our significant other puts in for us. We see only our version of the relationship and tend to set our perception and opinions on solely those. When you are in the midst of a fight asking what’s your partner’s contribution to the relationship, is the most hurtful thing to say.
Efforts in the relationship don’t always have to be spoken or reminded of. Your partner might have done a lot for you without you even knowing. Understand how hurtful this is for someone who does a lot for you.
The most hurtful thing to say to a guy is to tell him he is a lazy husband, a selfish boyfriend or he is trying to control you and not letting you fly. But when you cool down you realise all the things he is doing for you always but the worse words have already been uttered.
2. “Your just ruined my day”
People in successful marriages understand that there will be some good days, some off days. No matter how bad a day you’ve had, you should never tell your partner that he/she ruined your day.
You might be facing some pressure at work or having some family drama, but this doesn’t give you a reason to lash out on your partner. Saying something like this, which you don’t even mean is something you should never say to your partner. Think about how your partner feels when you blame them for ruining your day.
The most hurtful thing to say to anyone is telling them that because of them your day has been ruined. Remember this kind of behaviour will only end up making your relationship toxic.
3. “Look at them and look at us”
Every relationship is different. There’s no need to compare your relationship with anyone else’s. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. What you might be seeing may just be a façade of the reality of their relationship. They might be hating each other like crazy when no one else is around.
Comparing yourself with other couples in front of your partner makes them feel demotivated and lowers their morale. But in the modern world of fake relationships and Social Media PDA we end up comparing our love life with those projected in the virtual world, and we end up hurting our partners.
Related Reading: A few differences is what spices up a relationship!
4. “Why do you always embarrass me?”
Such a thing happens when both partners belong to different backgrounds, like perhaps in an inter-caste marriage. Your partner tries to match up to your expectations, but something or the other always lacks.
Instead of appreciating your partner’s efforts for trying to fit into your world, you reprimand them for trying to embarrass you.
The most hurtful thing to say to a man is he was embarrassing you with his lack of table etiquette at a part or he was not dressed well enough. You could apologise after saying all this but he would never get over the hurt of such statements.
Did your partner’s efforts really embarrass you or you just thought you would be embarrassed? You were embarrassed because you didn’t think your partner capable enough to match up to your level. Instead of demotivating them, encourage them and welcome them into your world.
5. “Yeah, your job isn’t as important as mine”
Respect is one of the essential elements of a relationship. In no way should disrespect be tolerated in a relationship. If you can’t respect your partner, you can’t expect your partner to respect the relationship. No matter whose job is more demanding, a job is a job and everyone takes pride in doing what they do.
Every hurtful word uttered has its consequences. Saying hurtful things like these will only make your partner lose respect for you.
This is something most husbands end up telling their wives who are homemakers. They also end up telling this to career women who might not be earning as much as them. But this can create a permanent wound in the relationship that could be hard to heal.
Related Reading: What a man needs to understand when he loves a working woman
6. “You’re my biggest mistake”
We all at some point have doubts regarding the relationship but we don’t ever say it loud because we know that it’s a phase that will pass. Sometimes when things get heated up, we tend to tell our partner that getting involved with them was a mistake.
At this point, all the years of courtship are put to question just because of this phrase. Even though you didn’t mean it, your partner begins to think that you don’t love them anymore.
7. “Why don’t you try being like him/her?”
The moment you tell your partner to become like someone they are not, it hurts them a lot. They might not tell you how much it hurt them, but in reality, it hurts their image, their ego and also their self-esteem.
You asking them to be like someone else gives them the idea that someone else could be replacing them if they didn’t change.
This not only threatens the relationship/marriage, but also makes your partner feel that you could be cheating on them.
8. “It’s your fault”
This is one of the most hurtful things to say but the most common things people end up saying in a romantic relationship. Many a times one of the partners screws things up and the blame game begins.
Never blame your partner by telling them that it’s their fault. Even if they have made a mistake, tell them that how it could be avoided and talk to them calmly instead of playing the blame game. Your partner may not have committed the mistake intentionally and playing the blame game will only make things worse.
Sometimes it’s better to acknowledge your own fault and where you went wrong. Always telling your partner “it’s your fault”, is the most hurtful thing to say.
9. “I want a break up/divorce”
Well, in a relationship/marriage, all is not roses. There will be times when you will want an out. At this point of time, your frustrated self will start acting up and say things which you don’t even mean. Every time things go wrong, you may wish for a divorce/break up.
Thinking about a divorce becomes your point of focus. After hurting your partner you will realize that you didn’t mean it at all but it will be too late. Don’t say phrases like “I want a break up/divorce out of impulse.”
This hurts your partner more than anything else and could ruin your relationship in the long run.
Related Reading: Giving Up On Love? 8 Reasons You Shouldn’t
10. “You are so selfish”
There are times when you will feel that the relationship isn’t going your way. That doesn’t mean that you will blame your partner for the things that aren’t going according to you.
Calling your partner selfish indicates that your partner doesn’t care for you wherein this may not be the reason for your lash out. Think of all the sacrifices that your partner has made before raising such accusations.
And ask yourself, are you being the selfish one in this relationship? Look for the answer in yourself.
11. “I miss my ex”
You may be frank with your partner but this doesn’t mean that you tell them anything and everything that comes into your mind. You need to understand that there are some things that you need to keep to yourself, otherwise you will end up hurting your partner.
Mentioning an ex and saying good things about them and comparing them with your partner is the most hurtful thing to do. Saying that you miss your ex will make your partner feel like a rebound and she/he will start feeling inferior to your ex.
12. “I’m not in love with you anymore”
“I’m not in love with you anymore”, is one of the phrases your partner should never tell you. In a relationship that has gone way past the honeymoon phase, there will be several ups and downs, and attractive singles luring you to get back in the game.
At this point you may feel that you deserve someone more attractive and may even think that you don’t love your partner anymore.
Saying this to your partner will hurt them terribly especially when they are so committed and dedicated in the relationship. Understand your feelings properly before you say such things to your partner.
How Do You Fix A Relationship After Saying Hurtful Things?
A marriage can survive many things but saying things listed above can literally make it weak from within. It becomes really difficult to get the same chemistry back once a marriage is damaged.
Why do we say hurtful things in a relationship? Is it because we mean it or just the frustration? Relationships and marriages are not easy. There will be arguments and fights which could end up in one partner or the other getting hurt. You need to understand how much a hurtful phrase impacts a relationship. But how to fix a relationship after saying hurtful things.
- There is no ego when it comes to love and if you feel you have said hurtful things apologise immediately
- Try to understand how you end up saying the hurtful things and what is the provocation. Ask your partner not to do things that make you say horrible things to them
- Control your own urges to say hurtful things
- Make a list of the hurtful things you end up saying during a fight and tell yourself everyday you will not do it
- Sit with your partner and address the issues that are leading to the arguments that obviously lead to the war of words
- After a fight and a hurtful exchange make genuine attempts to make up. Go out for coffee, have a drink together and end it all in bed
Your partner will always remember what you said and nothing that you do can take it back. It will create a wall between you and your partner which only time can heal. By the time you both recover from it, you’ll realize that there’s nothing left in the relationship/marriage. So if you are saying hurtful things to each other while fighting, refrain from it right now.