Uma ungena ebudlelwaneni, ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi kungasebenzi akuthathi ngisho ukude noma yisiphi isikhala engqondweni yakho. Ngisho noma ubudlelwano buqhubeka futhi sekuqala ukubonakala ukungezwani nokungqubuzana, awukakulungeli ukuthi buphele kuze kube yizinqamuleli - ukuhlukana kuyenzeka. Yingakho indlela ukunqoba ex yakho emuva kungaba umcabango obusa kakhulu engqondweni yakho lapho ubuhlobo ugijima inkambo yawo.
Kuleso simo somqondo, lapho udidekile, uphatheke kabi, ugingqika ngaphansi kwemizwa yokulahlekelwa nosizi, konke okukushiya ukhandlekile ngokomzwelo, ukuthola indlela efanele yokwenza kungase kube nzima. Ingabe ngempela ufuna u-ex wakho abuye? Noma ingabe lesi sifiso sibangelwa igebe eliye ladalwa ukuhlukana ekuphileni kwakho?
Ibanga elithile kanye nombono olungile yilokho okudingayo ukuze unqume ukuthi ingabe ukuvuselela uthando lwakudala kuyilokho okufunayo ngempela. Kulapho kuphela lapho ungakwazi khona ukuhlela nokusebenzisa izigaba ezihlukene zokubuyelana nomuntu owayeyi-ex ku-T. Ake sikusize wenze lokho kanye, ngemibono emifushane evela kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. Juhi Pandey (MA, Psychology), ogxile kwezothando, ukwelulekwa ngaphambi komshado, nokuhlukana, kanye nochwepheshe wezengqondo Ukwelulekwa u-Gopa Khan, ogxile ekwelapheni komndeni kanye nezindaba zempilo yengqondo.
18 Izinyathelo Zokuwinela I-Ex Yakho Ibuye
Okuqukethwe
Ukuphela kobudlelwano akuwona umphumela wabantu ababili ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuphuma othandweni noma ukungahambisani njengabalingani. Kwesinye isikhathi, izimo zingaphoqa isandla sakho, zikulethele ukuthi uthathe isinqumo obungasifuni ngempela.
Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukufuna ukubuyisela intombi yakho yakudala - noma owayeyisoka ngaleyo ndaba - akusona isinqumo esigcwele amafulegi abomvu. Uma ucabanga ukuthi wenze ngokuxhamazela noma uzisole ngokuhlukana, kulungile ukuthi ufune ukubonisa ubuhlobo. Phela kungcono ukuthi uzame kunokuthi uphile impilo yakho uzibuza ukuthi ngabe bekuyini.
Noma kunjalo, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ukuwina i-ex back akulula njengokuthumela “hey” indlela yabo. Uzobe uthandazela impendulo, futhi u-ex wakho uzobe ezibuza ukuthi angaphendula kanjani ku-'hey' akhohlwe ngaphambi kokuba abeke ifoni yakhe phansi. Akudingeki ukusho, uma ucabanga ukuthi "Ungawina i-ex emuva?", Ungakwenza, kodwa udinga ukukhuluma nodaba ngendlela efanele.
Uma kulapho ukhona ngemva kokuhlukana, nazi izindlela ezingu-18 eziqinisekile zokuzuza owakho wangaphambili futhi ubenze bahlale phakade:
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuhlukana kwesikhathi kusisondeza eduze
1. Ungaxhumani ne-ex yakho okwesikhashana
Uma ufuna ukuphinda uwine isoka lakho lakudala noma nibuyelane nentombi yakho yakudala, ukuthatha ucingo bese umshuthela umbhalo kungaba umuzwa omangalisayo. Kodwa-ke, uma ufuna ukwazi ukuthi ungayinqoba kanjani i-ex yakho futhi uyenze isebenze isikhathi eside, impendulo ilele ekuziqhelelaniseni nabo ngemuva nje kokuhlukana.
Lokhu kwaziwa kakhulu ngokuthi yi- Awukho Umthetho Wokuxhumana, okungaba wusizo ekuhlanganiseni abalingani bangaphambili, njengoba kubasiza ukuba bathole umbono ngobudlelwano babo.
UGopa uthi, "Ukubhekana nemimoya yokungaxhumani ngemva kokuhlukana kubalulekile ukuze ugweme ukuvaleleka ebudlelwaneni obushintshayo - lapho abantu abathandana nabo bebanjwa obishini lokuhlukana nokubuyelana. Ukuze kusebenze kahle, bobabili abantu kufanele bazinikele ekuthatheni isinyathelo sokuhlehla empilweni yalowo owayeshade naye futhi bahloniphe imingcele yomunye nomunye."
2. Hlola ubudlelwano bakho
Ngesikhathi se-No Thintana naye, zinike isikhathi sokubheka futhi uhlole ubudlelwano bakho ngendlela efanele. Benithandana yini nobabili? Ingabe usazizwa ngendlela efanayo ngabo? Kuthiwani ngabo? Bekuyikho ubudlelwano obunempilo? Ingabe benijabule ngempela omunye komunye? Nahlukaniswa yini?
Ungakwazi yini ukulungisa leyo mehluko? Ingabe ex yakho izovuma ukwenza umzamo wokushintsha izinto ekupheleni kwabo? Ingabe uyaqiniseka ukuthi ungakwazi ukugqashula amaphethini amadala okungenzeka abe nomthelela ekuhlukaneni?
Thembeka kuwe ngokwakho lapho uphendula le mibuzo. Izimpendulo zakho zizokunikeza ukucaca mayelana nokuthi uyafuna yini ukuwina i-ex yakho emuva noma cha. Uma kunjalo, ungaqala ukuhlela indlela yokuwina i-ex yakho emuva ngemva kokungabikho kothintana naye. Ngokuzibuza le mibuzo, uzobe uphendula ngokungaqondile ukuthi “wazi kanjani ukuthi kufanele ubuyelane ne-ex yakho noma cha”.
Uma ngesikhathi sokuphumula uqaphela ukuthi yini oyithanda ngempela kwakuwumbono wobudlelwano futhi hhayi umlingani wakho ngokuphelele, usanda kuphendula umbuzo ngokwakho.
3. Thola ukuthi basenendawo ethambile yini kuwe
U-Maria wahlukana nomfana ayethandana naye kodwa waqaphela ukuthi ubuhlobo buyinto engcono kakhulu eyenzeka kuye esikhathini eside. Wayisusa le mizwa isikhathi esingaphezu konyaka, kodwa yabuya isinamandla. Ngezinye izikhathi, wayezithola ecabanga ukuthi “Kungani ngimkhumbula kangaka owayekade engithanda nakuba ngimshiyile?” Ngesinye isikhathi, wanquma ukusebenzela ukubuyisela isoka lakhe langaphambili.
“Umbuzo owawungigqolozele wawuthi: “Ungambuyisa kanjani u-ex wakho ngemva konyaka?” Ngangingakaze ngixhumane naye isikhathi eside futhi ngingazi ukuthi usedlulile noma cha.” Khona-ke, umngane ohlakaniphile wathi ‘indawo yakhe ethambile ingumngane wakho onamandla kakhulu ekumbuyiseleni’, futhi lokho kwangithinta ngempela.
“Ngavele ngaqala ukuzingenela ngabangane bakhe, ngithinta inhliziyo, ngaphonsa ‘sawubona’ ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, okwaholela ekutheni ngibe nemibuzo ukuze ngibone ukuthi baqhuba kanjani.
UMaria wabona lokhu njengophawu lokuba anyakaze. Uma nawe ufuna ubuyise isoka lakho lakudala futhi angazi ukuthi bazosabela kanjani, ukukala ukuthi basakukhathalela yini kuyindawo enhle yokuqala. Ukuwina i-ex back kudinga izindlela ezahlukene kuye ngesimo sakho. Ulwazi olwengeziwe ongaluqoqa ngaphambi kokuthi wenze umnyakazo wakho luzosiza amathuba akho okuphumelela.
4. Zisebenzele wena
Ngaphambi kokuthi uthintane nomuntu wakho, ufuna ukuqhubeka lapho ogcine khona, zinike isikhathi sokuzisebenzela. Uma ubudlelwano bungaphumelelanga okokuqala, bekufanele ngabe ubambe iqhaza kukho ngandlela thize. Ukuqeda lawo ma-irritants amancane kubambe ukhiye wokuthi ungayiwina kanjani i-ex yakho ibuye ngokuhle. Uma uqala kabusha njengabantu abafanayo abakwazanga ukuwenza usebenze okokuqala ngqa, uzogcina usuthole imiphumela efanayo.
Nakulokhu, uzozithola wehla ngendlela eshelelayo yezimpi nezingxabano ezisho inhlekelele ebuhlotsheni bakho. Isibonelo, uma ubungazethembi kakhulu noma unomona ebudlelwaneni bakho, thola umnyombo walokhu kuthambekela futhi ukulungise ngaphambi kokuzama ukuphinde uwine i-ex yakho.
Ukubona imizamo yakho ithela imiphumela, izizathu zakho kufanele zibe zilungile. Kwenze ukuze ube inguqulo yakho engcono, hhayi ngenjongo nje yokuzuza i-ex yakho. Uma uzama ukuphendula "Ingabe kufanele uzame ukuwina i-ex yakho futhi?" impendulo ithi cha, uma kusho ukuthi uzobuyela ezindleleni ezilimazayo ezake zalimaza ubuhlobo benu kwaze kwaba seqophelweni lokuhlukana.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe ucupha i-ex yakho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana?
5. Yakha ukuzethemba kwakho
Juhi Pandey ithi ukuzethemba okuphansi kungaba yimbangela yamaphethini amaningi ayingozi angakubiza ubudlelwano bakho. “Uma uzizwa ungavikelekile ebudlelwaneni bakho noma usebenzela endaweni enomona okokuqala ngqa, ukuzethemba kungase kube yimbangela.
"Indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nayo iwukuba utshale imali ekuzinakekeleni. Ukushintsha kwendlela yokuphila encane njengokuhlala ukhuthele, ukuzijwayeza ukucabanga ngokudla okunempilo nokulala kungashintsha indlela ozibheka ngayo, bese ushintsha indlela oziphatha ngayo ebudlelwaneni," usho kanje.
Uma kwenzeka, umlingani wakho uyena owakuyekisa, ukuhlukana kungase kubangele umuzwa wakho siqu. Lokhu kwenza kubaluleke nakakhulu ukuthi usebenzele ukwakha kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho ngaphambi kokuthola indlela yokuwina owayeyintombi yakho noma uthole owayeyisoka lakho ukuthi aphinde aphume nawe. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ungase ubone ukuthi ukuba nezinkinga zokuzethemba kungase kube esinye sezizathu kungani ungashadile.
Uma uzizwa udangele, ungase ugcine ucabanga ukuthi ukubuyela ebudlelwaneni nomuntu owake wathandana naye ukuphela kwendlela yokubuyisela ukuzethemba okuthile, ngoba umuntu ohlukile uzokunikeza ukuzethemba. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi akufanele ufune ukuthuthukiswa ukuzethemba noma ukuqinisekiswa kunoma ubani ngaphandle kwakho. Uma uthi, “Ngikhumbula i-ex yami kakhulu kubuhlungu”, sebenzela ukuthi kungani kubuhlungu kangaka ngaphambi kokuzama ukuyizuza futhi.
6. Gxila kwezinye izici zokuphila kwakho
Yebo, siyazi ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi uyazibuza ukuthi ukugxila kwezinye izici zempilo kuzokusiza kanjani ukuthi uwine i-ex yakho. Hhayi-ke, kungase kungakumisi ngokushesha endleleni yokuhlanganisa izinto nomlingani wakho wangaphambili, kodwa kuzokusiza nakanjani uhlale umatasatasa ngendlela ephumelelayo ngenkathi ucubungula imizwa yakho yangemva kokuhlukana futhi uqonde ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela.
Kungaba umsebenzi, izinto ozilibazisayo nezithandayo, ukukhulisa ubuhlobo bakho nabangane nomndeni, yenza izinto ezikulethela injabulo ukuze ugweme ukwenza izinto ngokushesha noma ngokuxhamazela. Ngaphandle kwalokho, lokhu kuzosiza ekuguquleni ubuntu bakho, kukwenze ube inguqulo yakho egcwele kahle futhi efiselekayo.
Yiba umuntu owake wathandana naye ongeke akwazi ukumelana naye uma wenza ama-overtures ukuze uwanqobe futhi. Uma usugxile ekushintsheni ngendlela ephumelelayo ukunaka kwakho ezintweni ezizokwenza uphile futhi, uzophinde uthole noma yikuphi ukuzethemba okulahlekile noma injabulo okungenzeka ukuthi ulahlekelwe ngayo endleleni. Ingabe i-ex yakho ingakwenqaba ngempela uma ukhanya ngokuzayo lapho ikubona?
Kungase kubonakale kungenangqondo ekuqaleni, kodwa ukuwina i-ex back kudinga ukuthi uzisebenzele wena ngaphambi kokuthi uthathe umnyakazo. Ngakho-ke khipha lawo ma-dumbbell, noma uqale ukucosha amaphrojekthi anelisa kakhulu.
7. Sebenza ngokubukeka kwakho
Ingabe udinga ngempela ukugxila ekubukekeni kwakho ukuze uzuze isoka lakho langaphambili noma uthole ukunakwa yintombi yakho yakudala? Hhayi-ke, kungase kungalethi ncamashi u-ex wakho agijimele kuwe kodwa ngokuqinisekile kuzobenza bahlale phansi baqaphele. Mhlawumbe, ngisho ukukubuka ngendlela entsha.
U-Stacey uthi waya kokwenza izinguquko ezinkulu ngemva kokuhlukana kwakhe okubuhlungu. Nakuba wayenjalo ulinde i ex yakhe nangemva kwezinyanga behlukene, akabanga nayo inhliziyo yokufinyelela kuyena emva kokulahlwa. Wabe esefaka izithombe ezimbalwa zohambo ayeluthathe neqembu lakhe lamantombazane.
Bheka futhi, owake wasabela ezithombeni zakhe emizuzwini embalwa nje ezifakile. Ngemva kwamasonto ambalwa eyeka ukuthandwa, wagcina engene kuma-DM wakhe ngokuphendula indaba ye-Insta. Lokho kwamnikeza inqubekelaphambili ayeyidinga kakhulu ukuze avuselele uthando nesoka lakhe lakudala.
Uma usuvele uluqalile uguquko lwejimu yakho yangemva kokuhlukana, usuwanyusile amathuba okuthi owake wathandana naye abuyele kuwe. Lapho lezo zinsuku zemilenze ekugcineni seziqala ukukhokha, uzoba nomlayezo ovela kumbhalo wakho ngaphambi kokuthi uphendule nokuthi “ingabe kufanele uzame ukuzuza i-ex yakho futhi?”
8. Ungakhulumi kabi nge ex yakho
Leli elinye lamaphutha akudala okufanele uwagweme uma ubuyisela i-ex yakho. Lapho uzwa ubuhlungu ngemva kokuhlukana, kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuphumela obala. Kodwa ukwenza kanjalo phambi kwabangane abahlanganyeli noma ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kungadambisa kakhulu amathuba akho okuwina i-ex yakho.
Yingakho kungcono ukugcina umbuthano wakho uqinile. Yabelana ngemizwa yakho - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iluhlaza kangakanani noma ayijabulisi - nabangane abambalwa obathembayo kunokuya edolobheni nabo. Ngaleyo ndlela, uma unquma ukubuyelana nabo, amazwi ashiwo ekushiseni ngeke ame endleleni yakho.
Siphakamisa ukuthi uhambe kalula naseziphuzweni. Izingilazi ezimbalwa zewayini zingase zikwazise ukuthi uthumele umbhalo othi “I hate u” kumuntu wakho wakudala. Akudingekile ukusho, ngakusasa ekuseni uzobe u-Googling “ukuthola kanjani umuntu emuva kokumlimaza”.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Abafana Abathumela Ngayo Lapho Bekuthanda - Sikunikeza Imikhondo eyi-15
9. Ungenzi ngokuphelelwa yithemba
Ukubuyelana nomuntu owake wathandana naye kungase kube ukuphela kwento esemqondweni wakho, kodwa ungakuvumeli lokho kukwenze usuke endaweni yokuphelelwa ithemba. Ukufaka ifoni yabo ngenqwaba yemibhalo noma ukubhala imibhalo edakiwe yango-2:00 kanye nezingcingo ezicela ukuthi bakubuyisele emuva kuwu-cha-cha omkhulu.
Kulobo busuku obunesizungu, ungase uzizwe ugoqekile uzitshela ukuthi, “Ngifuna i-ex yami ibuye kubuhlungu kakhulu”, kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi ungababiza kahle ngaleso sikhathi. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma ufuna ukuwina i-ex yakho ibuye lapho bebona omunye umuntu. UPatrick wayefuna ukubuyisela ubuhlobo bakhe obudala kodwa owayekade eshade naye wayesebuyile esigcawini sokuqomisana. Wayevele ebona umuntu omusha.
“Bonke abangani bami bangibuza into efanayo: “Uzoyiwina kanjani intombi yakho yakudala ibuye lapho ibonakala iqhubekela phambili?” Kungase kwabonakala kuwubuwula kwabanye, kodwa ngangiqiniseka ukuthi iminyaka emibili enginayo nayo izoba nesisindo esingaphezu kwesesenamasonto ambalwa ubudala.
“Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukuhlukana kwethu kwakumane nje kwaba ukungezwani okukhulu, futhi ngangingafuni ukuphila nokuzisola ngokuthi ngangingazange ngizame kanzima ngokwanele.” Ngakho, kancane kancane ngalungisa indlela yami yokubuyela ekuphileni kwakhe futhi ngamenza wabona ukuthi ngangizoba naye kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani.
10. Sondela kubo ngesicelo nje
Noma ngabe ufuna ukwazi ukuthi ungathola kanjani i-ex yakho ngemuva konyaka noma ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva, okubalulekile ukuthi ungamqamekeli. Esikhundleni salokho, zikhulule empilweni yabo ngokuthinta isisekelo, uchithe isikhathi esithile ubambe, bese, uphakamisa ngokungananazi ukwenza okuthile ndawonye.
Qiniseka ukuthi noma yini oyiphakamisayo ayizibophezeli futhi ayiyona izithandani. Isibonelo, ungabatshela mayelana nekhefi entsha noma indawo yokuphuza entsha eshisayo eqhamuke endaweni yakini, bese ubabuza ukuthi bangathanda yini ukuyihlola nawe. Noma ungabamemela esiphuzweni nabangane ngempelasonto.
Noma yini engenzi ukuthi i-ex yakho izwakale sengathi ibuyiselwa ebudlelwaneni khona nje iyindawo enhle yokuqala. Futhi, uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi wazi kanjani ukuthi kufanele ubuyelane no-ex wakho noma cha, indlela abasabela ngayo ekuhlanganyeleni kanye komzimba uma nihlangana nobabili uzonitshela konke enidinga ukukwazi. Ubani owayazi ukuthi uma ebona indlela abaziphatha ngayo eduze kwakho uzokutshela ukuthi ungayiwina yini i-ex emuva noma cha?
11. Yiphathe njengosuku lwakho lokuqala
Uma kubhekwa ukuthi nobabili nibe nobudlelwano futhi nabuye nahlukana, nakanjani kuzoba nethoni yemithwalo yemizwa okufanele nibhekane nayo. Lapho nje usuxhumene kabusha ne-ex yakho akusona isikhathi sokukhuluma ngakho. Kubalulekile ukudlula ezigabeni ezehlukene zokubuyelana nomuntu oshade naye, isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi, ukuze ugweme ukushayisana nesivimbamgwaqo.
Ngaphambi kokuthi ufinyelele ezingeni lokuqoqa izindaba ezindala, kufanele ufunde ukuba segumbini elilodwa ngaphandle kokuzwa inhliziyo yakho iklebhuka. Bese kuba nengxenye lapho ufunda khona ukujabulela ukuba ndawonye naphezu kokungafani kwenu. Kuphela uma usudlule kulezi zigaba lapho ungakwazi ukuba nengxoxo ethembekile mayelana nesikhathi esedlule nekusasa.
Ukuze ufike lapho, kufanele uphathe lokhu kuvakasha okungajwayelekile, okungazibophezeli nomuntu oshade naye njengoba ubungenza kunoma ikuphi ukuphola kokuqala. Gcina imibuzo yakho ijabulisa futhi iheha, kodwa ungangeneli kakhulu. Kungenzeka ukuthi uyafa ukwazi ukuthi bake balala yini nomuntu selokhu bahlukana noma bake bajola okwamanje. Melana naleso silingo.
Kunalokho, babuze ngomsebenzi wabo, abangani, izinto abazithandayo, umndeni, nokunye. "Ngakho-ke, usadlala igalofu elincane noJoseph?", kufanelekile kakhulu umbuzo 'wosuku lokuqala' kunokuthi, “Ingabe ekugcineni ulale nalowo muntu osebenza naye obukade umthanda?”
12. Dlala kancane
Elinye lamaphutha ajwayelekile okufanele uwagweme lapho ubuyela emuva wukuzama ukubuyisela ingcindezi yocansi uma uhlangana nabo okokuqala ngemuva kokuhlukana. Ukwenza kanjalo kungakufaka ngokushesha endaweni yobungane. Owayekade ekhona angase angakuqondi kahle ukucasuka kwakho njengomzamo wokuba abangane ngemva kokuhlukana.
Ngakho-ke, qiniseka ukuthi udlala ngothando kancane, ungashiyi ukudideka mayelana nezinhloso zakho. Ngisho noma ungakusho ngamagama amaningi, basazowuthola umqondo walokho okufunayo. Nokho, usadinga ukuqaphela kancane nalena. Uma uzama ukuzuza othile futhi ngemva kokumlimaza, angase angakujabuleli ukudlala ngothando naye ngaso leso sikhathi. Funda ikamelo, shwibeka ngokudlala ngothando ubone ukuthi basabela kanjani.
13. Ungalali nabo okwamanje
Ukushela i-ex ozama ukuyibuyisela kungenye into, ukungena nayo esakeni kungenye into. Lesi sakamuva siwumthambeka oshelelayo ozokubeka endaweni edidayo lapho ningekho ndawonye noma ningahlukani. Ukubuyela emuva kusuka lapho futhi wakhe kabusha ubudlelwano kungaba nzima.
USuzie, owayethandana kakhulu ne-ex yakhe, wanquma ukuhlangana naye ukuze baxoxe ngokuthi konakelephi nokuthi bangakwazi yini ukubuveza elinye ubuhlobo.
"Ukubhekana nobunzima bokuba ndawonye okokuqala selokhu sahlukana, sobabili sadubula kaningi. Ngingakakhulumi, izindebe zethu zase zivaliwe. Sakhokha ngokushesha isheke saphindela endaweni yakhe futhi sagcina sesenze uthando oluqinile, oluvuthayo. Izikhathi eziningana.
"Ngakusasa ekuseni, ingxoxo enganginayo engqondweni yayibonakala ingenamsebenzi. Angizange ngibuze engangifuna ukukubuza, akazange aphakamise ukuthi sibuyelane. Manje, sibanjwe uhlobo lobuhlobo bomngane we-fuck-buddy. Sithinta isisekelo njalo ngesonto noma ngaphezulu ukuze sixhumane futhi yilokho," uya rues.
Isimo esifana nalesi singagcina sikulimaza kakhulu, siphindelela. Ngaphandle kwengxoxo eqotho, evulekile, awusoze wakwazi ukutshela i-ex yakho ukuthi yini oyifunayo futhi uzobe ubambekile ku-limbo ye- abangani abanezinzuzo ashukumisayo. Ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, uzozithola usuthi, “Ngifuna i-ex yami ibuye kabi kubuhlungu” ngokuphindaphindiwe.
14. Iba nengxoxo ngekusasa
Uma nobabili ninethezekile nomunye futhi kade nihlangana futhi nixoxa njalo, ningagcina nikhuluma ngesihloko sokubuyelana. Tshela ex yakho ukuthi ufuna ukunikeza ubuhlobo omunye shot, bese, umvumele ukuba aphendule.
Ukusabela kwabo kokuqala kungase kube yilokho obukulindele. Njengoba uke wahlukana, ukuhlangana nokungabaza noma ukungaqiniseki ngokubuyelana kuyinto evamile. Khumbula, ukuthi ubulokhu ucabanga indlela ukunqoba ex yakho emuva isikhathi eside manje.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, u-ex wakho kungenzeka akazange awujabulele umcabango ngemininingwane eminingi. Uma uqala ukubuza umbuzo, nikeza owakwakho isikhathi sokucubungula, ukucabanga nokuphendula. Kulungile uma befuna ukulala ngakho noma bacabange ngakho ngaphambi kokwenza isinqumo.
Ungathuki noma uqale ukucabanga ngezimo ezimbi kakhulu ekhanda lakho.
15. Khuluma nendlovu ekamelweni
Elinye lamaphutha okufanele uwagweme lapho uthola i-ex yakho emuva iwukuqala kabusha ubuhlobo bakho ngaphandle kokuxazulula izinkinga ezibangele ukuthi nihlukane kwasekuqaleni. Isibonelo, uma uzama ukuwina owakho ex wabuya ngemva kokukopela, kubalulekile ukuthi ukhulume ngokuthi uzokulungisa kanjani ukushoda kokwethenjwa.
Thatha isibonelo sika-Eliana noSteve. U-Eliana waphuma ebuhlotsheni kanye nekhaya ahlanganyela noSteve ngemuva kokuthola ukuthi wayemkhohlisa. USteve wazisola ngephutha lakhe, wayefuna ukulungisa aqale phansi.
Nakuba ingxenye ka-Eliana nayo yayifuna ukuba noSteve, ayizange ikwazi ukudlula ekungathembekeni. Ngakho-ke, bangena ekwelashweni kwabashadikazi futhi basebenza indlela yabo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngaphambi kokuba babuyelane ngobuqotho obugcwele.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kufanele ngenzenjani uma ngithanda umuntu ongangithandi?
16. Xoxani ngokuthi ningenza kanjani ubuhlobo 2.0 bube ngcono
Iqiniso lokuthi wena nowakwakho nahlukana liwubufakazi bokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle phakathi kwenu nobabili. Mhlawumbe, omunye wenu ubengalondekile kakhulu noma enomona ebuhlotsheni. Noma mhlawumbe bekunezingxabano ezingapheli mayelana nomlingani oyedwa odinga isikhala ebudlelwaneni futhi omunye engasifezi leso sidingo.
Njengoba senidlule kukho konke ndawonye-ngokuhlukene-ndawonye-naphinda futhi, kufanele uthole indlela yokubhekana nalezi zinkinga futhi wenze ubuhlobo bakho bube ngcono kunangaphambili. Ngaphandle kokuthi wenze lokho, lesi ngeke kube okokugcina nihlukana nibuyelane futhi.
Lokho kuthambekela kokuvela-futhi-kuphinda kukhuphukela kuphethini enobuthi engaphilile kunoma yimuphi uzakwethu.
17. Shiya okwedlule ngemuva
Uma usuzilungisile izinkinga zakho, izikhalo namagqubu, walungisa izinkinga zakho, shiya okwedlule ngemuva. Uma ngempela ufuna ukungagcini ngokuwina i-ex yakho kuphela kodwa futhi ubenze bahlale phakade, lokhu akuxoxiswana ngakho.
Zibophezele ekuphatheni ubambiswano oluvuselelwe njengoba ubungenza noma yibuphi ubudlelwano obusha. Akukho ukuletha amaphutha kusukela esikhathini esedlule kuze kube manje nekusasa.
Ngokwesibonelo, ngemva kokuba usuphumelele emizamweni yakho yokuzuza i-ex yakho emuva ngemva kokukopela, gwema ukuthambekela kokungabaza kuzo zonke izinyathelo zakho. Cha ebheka ifoni yabo ngasese noma ukubabuza ngokuphindaphindiwe ukuthi bakuphi.
Noma nini lapho wenza lokho, uthumela isignali yokuthi awubethembi ngokugcwele. Uma kunjalo, amathambo amadala ekhabetheni azophuma ngokushesha noma kamuva futhi anqobe ubuhlobo bakho.
Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha.
18. Yeqa
Manje njengoba usudlule kuzo zonke izigaba zokubuyelana nomuntu owake wathandana naye, into esele ongayenza nje ukuthatha isinyathelo futhi niqale ukuthandana futhi. Thatha izinyathelo zengane futhi wakhe kabusha ubudlelwano bakho kunokuthi uqale lapho ugcine khona okokugcina.
Vele nina nobabili nizokwabelana ngezinga lokunethezeka nokusondelana enike ngaba sebudlelwaneni ngaphambili. Lokho kungakusebenzela lapho uqala kabusha ubudlelwano benu. Noma kunjalo, zikhulule ubuyele esigabeni owawukuso ngesikhathi sokuhlukana.
Ngokwesibonelo, uma benihlala ndawonye ngesikhathi nahlukana, musa ukupakisha izikhwama zakho bese ubuyela endlini ngokushesha nje lapho usunqume ukunika elinye ithuba ubuhlobo. Ima isikhashana, ubone ukuthi izinto ziqhubeka kanjani, futhi uthathe leso sinqumo lapho nobabili nisilungele.
Indlela yokuwina i-ex yakho emuva akulula futhi akulula, ikakhulukazi uma ufuna ukwenza ubuhlobo buhlale. Kodwa-ke, uma ngesineke uqhubeka nenqubo yokudala ibanga kanye nokuba wedwa isikhashana ngaphambi kokulungisa amabhuloho nomlingani wakho wangaphambili, ungakwenza kusebenze.
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
