Iyini i-Trauma Dumping? Umelaphi Uchaza Incazelo, Izimpawu, Nendlela Yokukunqoba

Uma uphelelwa amaqanda ekuseni futhi uphantshise isondo uya emsebenzini, ukuphuma ngakho ekupheleni kosuku ngezinye izikhathi kungaba yikho konke okudingayo. Kodwa-ke, lapho "ukukhipha umoya" kuba namandla kakhulu futhi kushiya wonke umuntu ohilelekile ezizwa ekhathele, kungase kudingeke uthole ukuthi kuyini ukulahlwa kwe-trauma. 

Ukulahlwa kwe-trauma yilapho umuntu ethula ukuhlukumezeka kwakhe kumuntu ongakwazi noma ozimisele ukukulungisa, okushiya lowo muntu ezizwa ekhathele, ethinteke kabi, futhi esesimweni esingesihle sengqondo.

Kubukeka kanjani ukulahlwa kwezinkinga ebudlelwaneni futhi umuntu uqaphela kanjani ukuthi wabelana kakhulu ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe, futhi kulimaze abantu abalalele? Ngosizo lwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uPragati Sureka (MA ku-Clinical Psychology, amakhredithi ochwepheshe avela eHarvard Medical School), ogxile ekubhekaneni nezinkinga ezifana nokulawula intukuthelo, izinkinga zobuzali, kanye nemishado ehlukumezayo nengenalo uthando ngokusebenzisa izinsiza zamakhono ngokomzwelo, ake sithole konke okudingeka ukwazi mayelana nokulahlwa kwezinkinga.

Kuyini I-Trauma Dumping Ebudlelwaneni?

“Ukulahlwa kwe-trauma kulapho umuntu ekhuluma engahlungi omunye ngaphandle kokucabanga ngemiphumela engase ibe nayo komunye umuntu.” Imvamisa, umuntu olaxazwayo ngeke aze abuze umlaleli ukuthi usesimweni yini ukuthi alalele, futhi uhlobo lwezehlakalo ezibuhlungu okwabelwana ngazo sengozini kungase kushiye umlaleli engakwazi ukuzicubungula noma angakwazi ukuzibona.”

“Isibonelo sokulahla izingozi yilapho umzali engase axoxe ngokweqile nengane. Bangase bakhulume ngezinto ezingahambi kahle emshadweni noma ukuhlukunyezwa ababhekene nakho ngabasemzini noma abasemzini. Ingane ingase ingabi namandla okulalela, akunjalo? Kodwa njengoba umzali elahla izingozi, abacabangi ngomthelela omubi okungaba nawo enganeni futhi baqhubeke nakho,” kusho uPragati.

Uma umuntu esebudlelwaneni, kungase kubonakale sengathi ukwabelana ngezinto ezibuhlungu ezikuzwile kuyafaneleka, ngoba yilokho kanye abantu ababili abafinyelela kukho ukusondelana ngokomzwelo . Kodwa uma umlingani wakho engekho esimweni sokucubungula ubukhulu bolwazi enizokwabelana ngalo, kuba yinto embi kini nobabili.

Bangase bangazi ukuthi baphendule kanjani njengoba bengenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi bazocubungula kanjani. Uma njengamanje bebhekene nesigaba esinzima ngokwabo, ukuzwa ngomama wakho onobuthi noma ukuhlukunyezwa owabhekana nakho useyingane kungase kubashiye esimweni sengqondo esibi kakhulu. 

Ukulahla i-trauma, okusho ukuthi, ukunganaki imizwa yomuntu olalele, ngokuvamile kwenziwa ngokuzenzakalelayo. Kungakho ukuqonda umehluko phakathi kokulahla ukuhlukumezeka nokukhipha umoya kubaluleka.

I-Trauma Dumping Vs Venting: Uyini Umehluko? 

Kalula nje, uma ukhiphela imizwa yakho komunye umuntu, usuke uxoxisana ngendlela evumelanayo, kuyilapho ungakhulumi ngezigameko ezibuhlungu ezizonyakazisa isimo somqondo womlaleli. 

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukulahlwa kwe-trauma kwenziwa ngaphandle kokucabangela ukuthi lowo muntu okhuluma naye usesimweni sokucubungula noma sokulalela, bese kuba nokwabelana ngokwedlulele kwemicabango yomuntu ebuhlungu kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe. Kusuka futhi ekutheni umuntu angakwazi ukubona ubucayi bezinto ababelana ngazo.

Kungenzeka ukuthi umuntu akazange abone ukuthi isigameko esithile siyamhlukumeza, kungenzeka ukuthi uziqhelelanisile naso njengendlela yokubhekana naso, futhi angase akhulume ngaso ngendlela engathandeki, okube sekudida umlaleli. 

"Izikhathi eziningi, ekuxhumaneni okuhlanganyelwe, abantu bayakhuluma futhi babuze ukuthi omunye uzizwa kanjani. Kodwa ekulahlekeni kokuhlukumezeka, abantu badliwa kakhulu isimo sabo semizwa, abashiyi indawo yokucabanga ukuthi kumthinta kanjani omunye. Ingabe omunye umuntu akakhululekile? Ingabe umuntu ukuthola kunzima kakhulu ukugaya?

"Kuwukubonakaliswa kwezinkinga zokuxhumana. Akukho ukwabelana, akukho ingxoxo, kuyinkulumo-ze. Izikhathi eziningi, abantu bakwenza lokhu kumfowabo, enganeni, kumzali, ngaphandle kokuqaphela umthelela ongokomzimba nowengqondo owuthinta komunye. Uma sikhuluma ngokuphuma komoya okunempilo nomlingani, umuntu unamathela ku-"Lapho ngibona lesi senzo, engidlule kukho yilokhu," futhi akuyona into yokuzilimaza ngokwemigqa ethi, "Ungenze ngazizwa kanjena".

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-9 Zokuthi Uyinkinga Ebuhlotsheni Bakho

“Kodwa uma kunesimo esibuhlungu sokulahla umuntu othandana naye, kungase kube ukusola omunye.” Umuntu uqhubeka athi, “Namuhla wenze lokhu, izolo wenze lokhu, eminyakeni emihlanu edlule ukwenzile lokho,” kusho uPragati. 

Kungani Kwenzeka Ukulahla I-Trauma Ebudlelwaneni?

Manje njengoba usuyazi impendulo yokuthi, "Kuyini ukulahlwa kwe-trauma?", kungase kube yinzuzo ukubheka ukuthi yini ebangela lokho kwasekuqaleni. Njengoba umuntu owaba izinto ezinzima adlule kuzo engeke abe nozwela ngendlela ozizwa ngayo ngenkathi ulalele, mhlawumbe ukuqonda ukuthi kungani enza kanjalo kungasiza. 

Ukulahlwa kwe-trauma kungaba inkomba ye-PTSD noma okunye ukuphazamiseka kobuntu njenge-narcissistic personality disorder noma i-bipolar personality disorder. I-Pragati isiza ekubhaleni ezinye izizathu ezimbalwa zokuthi kungani abantu bengakhetha ukulahla i-trauma:

1. Ukuguquguquka komndeni wabo kungenzeka kube nendima okufanele bayidlale

U-Pragati uthi: “Izingcindezi zasebuntwaneni zingaba nengxenye yokuthi kungani umuntu eqala ukulahla inhlekelele.

Izifundo zibonisa ukuthi lapho ingane ibhekene nokuguquguquka komndeni okunempilo , inamathuba angcono okukhula ibe abazali abangcono kanye nabalingani abangcono ngokwayo. Kodwa uma ikhulela endaweni elimazayo, ayithinti nje kuphela ubudlelwano bayo nabanye abantu kodwa futhi nempilo yayo yomzimba neyengqondo.

2. Lapho izidingo zabanye zingabalwa 

“Njengoba kuqala izinkundla zokuxhumana, siya ngokuya singanakwa izidingo zabanye.” Izikhathi eziningi, abantu bavele bacabange ukuthi kulungile ukulahla ukuhlukumezeka kwabo komunye umuntu noma ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ngaphandle kokuzibuza ukuthi kungenza abalaleli bazizwe kanjani,” kusho uPragati. 

Izibonelo zokulahla ukuhlukumezeka zingabonakala kuyo yonke inkundla yezokuxhumana, lapho ulwazi oluyingcaca olujulile mayelana nokuhlukunyezwa lungalayishwa futhi kwabelwane ngalo ngaphandle kokunakekela okukhulu mayelana nokuthi lungaba namuphi umthelela kubabukeli. Uma umuntu engemuva kwesikrini futhi engasebenzisani nomunye umuntu, “Kuyini ukulahlwa kwe-trauma?”, ngeke kube sengqondweni yakhe. 

3. Ukwelashwa kusabonwa njengophawu lobuthakathaka

Ngokusho kocwaningo , ama-47% abantu baseMelika basacabanga ukuthi ukufuna ukwelashwa kuwuphawu lobuthakathaka. “Abantu banomuzwa wokuthi kungcono ukutshela umngane noma ilungu lomndeni “ngezinkinga” zabo. Uma uya ekwelashweni, uyavuma ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle emshadweni wakho.

Ngokuyisisekelo, abantu balahla ukuhlukumezeka ngenxa yokuthi bayaphika. Abafuni ukuvuma ukuthi udaba ababhekene nalo lubucayi,” kusho uPragati. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-9 Zokuthi Ubudlelwano Bube Bunzima Kodwa Bufaneleke

Izimpawu Ongase Ube I-Trauma Dumper

“Ngangazi ukuthi ngangihlala ngihlanganyela ngokweqile nabangani bami, kodwa angikaze ngicabange ukuthi ngiyabaxosha ngingaqapheli . Kulapho ngafunda khona ukuthi kuyini ukulahla izingozi ekwelapheni lapho ngabona khona izingxoxo ezilimazayo engangihlanganyela kuzo njalo,” kusho uJessica kithi.

Njengoba abantu abaningi bengayeki ukuzibuza izinto ezinjengokuthi, "Ingabe ngilahla i-trauma?" ngaphandle uma ukungazi kwabo kwenziwa kube sobala kabuhlungu, ngokunokwenzeka ungase ungaqapheli ngisho nokuthi unecala elifanayo yini. Ake sibheke izimpawu ezimbalwa ongase ube nazo: 

1. Udlala njalo ikhadi lesisulu

“Uma kunengxoxo enempilo eqhubekayo, umuntu akenzi njengomfel’ ukholo.Abasho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Mina bandla, kufanele ngihlale ngibhekana nokushintshashintsha kwemizwelo yakho, kufanele ngilawule umshado ngaso sonke isikhathi”. 

"Ezimweni eziningi, ukukhwabanisa kokulahla kwe-trauma kwenzeka ngokudlala ikhadi lesisulu." "Wenze lokhu kimi", "Ngazizwa kanje", "Ngihlala ngibhekana nalezi zinto" kungase kube izinto ezimbalwa ezishiwo umuntu onjalo," kusho uPragati. 

2. Awushiyi indawo yempendulo engxoxweni 

"Kuyini ukulahla i-trauma uma kungeyona ingxoxo ezizwa ingaphendulwa? Abalaleli noma iyiphi impendulo, basuke bevikela kakhulu. Uma omunye umuntu ezama ukusho okuthile noma ukuxoxa ngakho, bangase bakuchithe, futhi bazokwenza kucace ukuthi abakuthathi kanjani ngomusa noma yikuphi ukugxekwa," kusho uPragati. 

Ngokwencazelo, lesi senzakalo senza umlaleli azizwe ekhungathekile, futhi ukuhlanganyela kwabo engxoxweni kuvame ukungabi nalutho. 

3. Ukuntuleka kokwabelana

"Lapho umuntu elahla i-trauma, okusho ukuthi, lapho engayicabangeli imicabango nemibono yabanye, akayeki ukuhlola umthelela inkulumo yakhe enawo kumuntu. Kuyingxoxo engenawo ukubuyisana. Ucabanga ngesimo sakho somzwelo kuphela, awushiyi indawo yokuxhumana okwabiwe," kusho uPragati. 

Empeleni, ingxoxo enjalo ibonisa nokuntuleka kwenhlonipho ebudlelwaneni bakho nalo muntu. Uma bengakunaki kakhulu lokho okucabangayo noma bengakubuzi lutho ngendlela oye waba ngayo, ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho kuzobonakala.

4. Kuzwakala kuhlangothi olulodwa 

“Ngokuvamile lapho umngane noma ilungu lomndeni noma ngisho umngane womshado ehlanganyela okuthile nawe, uzizwa uxhumene nawe.” Kodwa lapho kukhona ukuhlukumezeka okulahlwa ngomunye, uzwa sengathi othile usanda kukulahla ngezinkinga zakhe ngaphandle kokulinda ngempela ukubona ukuthi kukuthinta kanjani,” kusho uPragati. 

Ingabe uhlanganyela ezingxoxweni ezishubile nabantu ngezikhathi ezingafanele? Mhlawumbe awukaze ubuze ukuthi umuntu okhuluma naye uzimisele yini ukuba nengxoxo enjalo. Uma ukufunda izimpawu kukwenze uzibuze ukuthi, “Ingabe ngilahla i-trauma?”, kubalulekile ukuthola ukuthi ungakunqoba kanjani, funa ududule wonke umuntu. 

Ungakunqoba Kanjani Ukulahla I-Trauma Ebudlelwaneni 

“Ekugcineni kosuku, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi abantu abakwenzi ngamabomu lokhu, lokhu kufanele kusingathwe ngozwela.” Kusobala ukuthi kukhona okubakhungathekisayo kangangokuthi abakwazi ukuvimba ukugeleza kwemicabango yabo,” kusho uPragati. 

Ukufaka amagama anjengokulahla i-trauma esilulumagama sethu akwenziwa ukuze kuvinjelwe abantu ukuthi bakhulume ngalokho okubakhathazayo. Kodwa-ke, njengoba ukwabelana ngokweqile nabantu njalo kuzobenza besabe ukukhuluma nawe, ukuthola ukuthi ungakunqoba kanjani kungaba yindlela yokuthuthukisa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho , ake sibheke ukuthi kanjani:

1. Ukwelashwa kwenzelwe ukulahlwa kokuhlukumezeka 

"Lo mqondo wenziwa waba negciwane ngumelaphi ku-TikTok, owaphakamisa ukuthi amakhasimende enze njalo ngeseshini yokuqala yinto okungafanele yenzeke. Lokho akulungile neze kwezombusazwe. Umelaphi uqeqeshelwe ukulalela iklayenti. Ukulahlwa kobuhlungu kumelaphi kuyinto evamile, kuwumsebenzi wabo ukukulalela futhi akukhuthaze ukuthi ukhulume nezwi nezwi," kusho uPragati. 

"Okufanelekile, umuntu kufanele afune umelaphi owazi mayelana nenkinga yokucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukumezeka okuyinkimbinkimbi, ngoba uma uvuselela okuthile ngokuphindaphindiwe, udinga uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo onesizinda se-psychology yomtholampilo noma isipiliyoni esibanzi sokubhekana nakho," uyanezela. 

Uma okwamanje ubhekene nemibuzo efana nokuthi “Kuyini ukulahlwa kwezinkinga zokulimala futhi ngiyakwenza?”, iphaneli yabelaphi abanolwazi beBonobology ilapha ukukuqondisa kule nqubo futhi idwebe indlela yokululama.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Ukuphazamiseka Kobuntu Obuseduze Okuthinta Ngayo Ubudlelwano

2. Khomba abantu ongakhuluma nabo futhi ucele imvume 

Uma ubona ukuthi uthwalisa kanzima abantu ngezingxoxo zakho ngaphandle kokubabuza ukuthi impilo yabo ihamba kanjani, uyazi kahle ukuthi ungayilungisa kanjani. Khomba abantu abambalwa abayovuma ukukulalela lapho udinga ukwabelana nabo futhi ubabuze ukuthi bazolalela yini. 

“Ngihlangabezane nento engikhathazayo futhi mhlawumbe ekhathazayo ukuthi uyizwe. Ngingakhuluma nawe ngayo?” yilokho kuphela okudingeka ukusho ukuze ucele imvume. Empeleni, kuyindlela yokuba nozwela kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bakho , njengoba ukhumbula indlela umlaleli azizwa ngayo. Uma ungakwenzi lokho, kungase kube yindaba yokuphathwa kabi kokulahla imithwalo yemfanelo.

3. Ukwenza ijenali nokufunda izincwadi kungasiza

Ngokubhala, uzokwazi ukucubungula imizwa yakho nawe. Ngaphandle kokwabelana ngokweqile noma ukulahla omunye umuntu, ukubhala uwedwa kungaba uhlobo lwe-catharsis. 

UPragati uchaza ukuthi ukufunda izincwadi ngalokho obhekene nakho kungasiza kanjani. “Kunezincwadi ezikhuluma ngokungethembeki, ukuhlukumeza, ukukhathazeka nanoma yini okungenzeka ukuthi uke wabhekana nayo, njengoba zibhalwe ngongoti abathembekile kulo mkhakha, zizokukhombisa izimpawu zalokho obhekene nakho nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho. 

“Imvamisa ukuthola usizo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana akuyona into engingayincoma ngoba awubazi ubuqiniso bomuntu obambe le vidiyo.Awazi ukuthi umuntu ukuhlomele kangakanani ukukunikeza lolo lwazi,” kuchaza yena. 

4. Phambukisa amandla ngokwelashwa kokukhuluma noma ngokuzivocavoca 

“Izinto ezifana nezitsha zobumba, ukudala noma ukudansela umculo zingakusiza ukuthi ukhululeke kula mandla okucindezelayo akuxakile, ungazama ngisho nokuzilolonga ujuluke ujuluke umanzi, umqondo oyisisekelo wukuqeda la mandla ukuze ungagcini ngokulahla ukuhlukumezeka ebudlelwaneni bakho,” kusho uPragati.

Ucwaningo luye lwasikisela ukuthi uma ukuzivocavoca kuhambisana nokwelashwa, kusiza kakhulu ezinkingeni zempilo yengqondo futhi kunciphisa izimpawu zokukhathazeka nokucindezeleka.

Ungakunqoba Kanjani Ukulahlwa Kwama-Social Media Trauma

Esikhundleni sokugxila kulokho okulahlwa kwe-trauma, mhlawumbe ukubaluleka okwengeziwe kufanele kunikezwe ukubonakaliswa okuvamile kakhulu: inkundla yezokuxhumana.

"Abantu babelana kakhulu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ngoba banomuzwa wokuthi bayaqinisekiswa futhi bazizwa bezwile. Kulezi zinsuku, abantu abanalo ukwesekwa okuningi eduze kwabo lapho besondelene nabo. Ngezinkundla zokuxhumana, banomuzwa wokuthi lokho kungenzeka, noma ngabe konke kungemuva kwezikrini. 

"Enye indlela umuntu angayeka ngayo ukulahla ukuhlukumezeka ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ngokwakha izinsiza zakhe zekhono lomzwelo. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ukubhala, ukubhala, ukulima, uhlobo oluthile lokuzivocavoca olukwenza ujuluke. Ingcindezi yalesi simo okungenani iphuma ngezinga elithile," kusho uPragati. 

Mhlawumbe indlela engcono kakhulu yokukunqoba iwukuba uqiniseke ukuthi ulahla i-trauma kumelaphi, esikhundleni sothandekayo. Ngethemba, manje wazi okuningi kunalokho owazi ngakho mayelana nokuthi kungani abantu behlanganyela kakhulu ngaphandle kokunaka ukuthi ubani olalele, nokuthi yini ongayenza ngakho uma uzenzela wena. 

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