Amathiphu ayi-11 Asekelwe Uchwepheshe Wokwephula I-Codependency Ebudlelwaneni

Kungani ukwephula i-codependency kubaluleke kangaka empilweni yakho yengqondo kanye nempilo yobudlelwano bakho? Ukuphendula lo mbuzo, ngifuna ucabange ukuthi usesaweni nozakwenu. Kodwa esikhundleni sokuzijabulisa kokushwibeka emoyeni kanye nenjabulo 'yokuthinta phansi' ngokukhala, kuthiwani uma uhlala ubambekile emoyeni noma uhlale uphansi? Kuthiwani uma izikhundla zingashintshi?

Hhayi-ke, i-see-saw ngeke isaba mnandi. Eqinisweni, ngemva kwesikhashana, kuzozwakala kubuhlungu futhi kuyisicefe kakhulu. Imilenze yakho izoba buhlungu, iminwe yakho ingase ibe buhlungu futhi inhliziyo yakho ngeke isakwazi ukuzwa injabulo. Yile ndlela kanye ubudlelwano ebudlelwaneni obuzizwa ngayo - kubuhlungu, ukungaboni ngaso linye, okuyisicefe, okungalungile, futhi akukho njabulo. Ubudlelwano be-Codependent yilapho umlingani oyedwa ehlala “engumnakekeli” kanti omunye umlingani “engumbambeli” unomphela.

Lokhu kuguquguquka kuvame ukuba umlutha, kubangele umjikelezo omubi ozondla wona. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukuthambekela kokuthembela kumuntu othile kuvame ukuvela kokuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni kanye nokuguquguquka komndeni okungasebenzi kahle. Lokhu kungakwenza uzibuze, ungalungisa yini ubudlelwano bokuthembela kumuntu othile?

Nakuba kungekho ukuphika ukuthi ubudlelwano obunjalo abusebenzi kahle, bungaba nempilo enhle uma abalingani benquma ukuthi kufanele basebenzele ukunqoba ukuthambekela kokuhambisana. Ukuze acacise ngale ndlela eyinkimbinkimbi yobudlelwano, uSwaty Prakash , umqeqeshi wokuxhumana onesitifiketi ku-Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty and Stress waseYale University kanye ne-PG Diploma ku-Counseling and Family Therapy, ubhala ngezimpawu zokuthambekela kokuhambisana kanye nendlela yokunqoba ukuthambekela kokuhambisana ebudlelwaneni.

Kuyini I-Codependency Ebudlelwaneni?

Iresiphi ephelele yobudlelwano obuseduze-obuphelele yilapho ozakwethu besebudlelwaneni obunempilo be-symbiotic lapho bobabili banikeza futhi bathathe, benemingcele enempilo, futhi bengakwazi ukusebenza ndawonye kodwa bengekho bodwa abangenakuzisiza. Olunye lwezimpawu eziyinhloko ze-codependence ukuthi le bhalansi ayikho futhi izikali zivuna uzakwethu oyedwa. Izidingo nezifiso zomlingani oyedwa zithatha yonke indawo, kanti omunye umlingani, enesifiso sokudingekile, uqeda lonke uthando namandla akhe ekumnakekeleni. Okusengcupheni impilo yabo ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo kanye nezidingo zabo.

Izimpawu ezinjalo zokuncika komunye nomunye zivame ukubonakala ebudlelwaneni obuhilela abantu abaluthwe izidakamizwa noma utshwala. Umlingani onokuziphatha okuluthekayo ubukeka ebuthakathaka, kanti omunye umlingani uzizwa enesibopho senhlalakahle yakhe. Bazishaya indiva izidingo zabo bese beqala ukuhlanganisa lowo ophukile. Konke kubukeka kunempilo futhi kunezinhloso ezinhle ekuqaleni. Nokho, lokhu kuyashintsha ngokushesha lapho izidingo zomnakekeli ziqala ukunyamalala, futhi kuba ubuhlobo obunohlangothi olulodwa.

Ucwaningo oluqhathanisa abafazi babesifazane abayimilutha nabesifazane abavamile luthole ukuthi owesifazane wokuqala ubonise ukuvumelana okukhulu futhi wavumelana kakhulu nokuzinza komshado kunabesifazane abavamile. Ngamafuphi, incazelo yokuncika kobudlelwano incike ebuhlotsheni obungenaso uhlangothi lapho umlingani oyedwa eba sobala khona.

Ukuthambekela kokuthembela kumuntu oyedwa akuveli endaweni engenalutho. Abantu abaningi ababonisa izimpawu zokuthambekela kokuthembela kumuntu oyedwa bakhulele emindenini lapho oyedwa noma bobabili abazali benomlutha wezidakamizwa noma wotshwala noma bengekho ngenxa yezizathu ezithile. Bangaba matasa bezama ukuthola imali yokuziphilisa, behlushwa izinkinga ezinkulu zempilo yengqondo noma yomzimba, belwa nokulutha kanye nezinkinga zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, noma okunye okuthathe isikhathi sabo esiningi. Izingane emindenini enjalo engasebenzi kahle zivame ukukhula zihamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda , zinganaki ukunakekelwa kwazo, futhi esikhundleni salokho zinakekela izidingo zabanye ukuze zizizwe zifunwa futhi zifanelekile.

Ngokuvamile, izingane ezinomzali(abazali) ababenezinkinga zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa noma ababeyimilutha yotshwala zikhula zibonisa ukuziphatha okuzimele. Ngisho nasezinganeni, babeyozizwa benecala ngezenzo zomzali wabo. Esebancane kakhulu, babefunde ukuthi ukuze bajabulise abazali babo abathukuthele, kwakudingeka babe umlutha wabo, izikhwama zabo zokubhoboza, noma bangabonakali. Lokhu kwesaba ukuhlukunyezwa, ukunganakwa, noma ukungathandwa kusalokhu kugxilile kubo nakuba sebebadala, futhi ngokuvamile abanalo ulwazi lokuthi baqale kuphi ukwephula i-codependency.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinkinga Zobudlelwano Eziyi-8 Ongabhekana Nazo Uma Ubunabazali Abanobuthi

Izimpawu Eziyisi-7 Zoku-Codependency Ebudlelwaneni

Esinye sezimpawu ezivamile zokuthambekela kokuhambisana yisimo somuntu siqu umjikelezo omubi okhona phakathi komnakekeli nomuntu othathayo. Nakuba omunye umlingani edinga umuntu ozomnakekela, omunye umlingani ufuna ukudingeka. Ngaphambi kokuba sixoxe ngendlela yokunqoba ukuthambekela kokuhambisana, kubalulekile ukuqonda ingqondo engemuva kwakho. Izazi zengqondo zithola ukuthi ubudlelwano obuningi obunjalo buphakathi komlingani onesitayela sokunamathelana esikhathazekile nomuntu onesitayela sokunamathelana esigwemayo.

Abantu abanesitayela sokunamathelana ngokukhathazeka bavame ukuswela futhi banokuzihlonipha okuphansi, yingakho ukuthambekela kokubonisana nokukhathazeka kuvame ukuhambisana. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu abanalesi sitayela sokunamathelana baphila ngokwesaba ukushiywa futhi bavame ukuzizwa bengafaneleki ukuthandwa. Baba ngabanakekeli ukuze bazizwe befanelekile futhi bebalulekile ebudlelwaneni.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, labo abanesitayela sokugwema ukunamathela abantu abazuza amaphuzu aphezulu ekuzethembeni kodwa okuphansi kakhulu ku-quotient yomzwelo. Bazizwa bengakhululekile ngokusondelana kakhulu futhi cishe bahlala belungile ngohlelo lokuphuma. Okuxakayo ukuthi labo abanohlelo lokuphuma bavamise ukubamba izintambo zobudlelwano kuyilapho abakhathazekile bahlale bevumela abanye ukuba babalawule.

Ezikhathini eziningi, ngaphambi kozakwethu, abantu ababazungezile bezwa amandla aguquguqukayo asekelwe ekunamathiselweni okuncikene. Kulapho umnakekeli ekhathele futhi ezizwa engenalutho lapho ebona khona ukuthi basebudlelwaneni obungenampilo futhi acabange ukwephula i-codependency. Uma uke wazibuza, “Ingabe ngingumuntu ozimele?”, kubalulekile ukwazi amafulegi abomvu angaba khona. Nazi izimpawu ezimbalwa ze-codependency okufanele uzibheke:

1. Kukhona ukuntuleka kokuxhumana kwangempela

Emibhangqwaneni exhomeke komunye nomunye, umnakekeli uvame ukuba umuntu ojabulisa abantu. Bazizwa bephoqelekile ukusho izinto zokududuza noma zokujabulisa umlingani wabo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umuntu othatha iseluleko uhlala ezivikela futhi akafuni ukwabelana ngemizwa yakhe yangempela. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu abathatha iseluleko bavame ukubonisa ukuziphatha okunolaka nokungakhathali . Nakuba bengaceli ngokuqondile ukuthi umuntu ophayo agcwalise zonke izidingo zakhe, bayathukuthela lapho umuntu ophayo engakwenzi lokho.

2. Umuzwa wesibopho owedlulele

I-Codependency ebudlelwaneni ifinyelela ekutheni umnakekeli athathe isibopho esiphelele ngempilo yomlingani wakhe. Lena ngokuvamile ukuphela kwendlela abazizwa begcwaliseke ngayo. Uma uke wazibuza ukuthi, “Ingabe I-Codependent?”, qaphela uma ubonisa ukuziphatha okulandelayo:

• Uzizwa unesibopho ngokweqile enhlalakahleni yomlingani wakho
• Ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho akakwazi ukuzinakekela
• Uqinisekile ukuthi udinga ukubasindisa, ngisho nakubo ngokwabo
• Uyagxuma ukuze ubasize, noma bengakaluceli usizo
• Uzwa ubuhlungu uma kubonakala sengathi zisebenza ngaphandle kosizo lwakho

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Inkululeko Ebudlelwaneni - Lokho Ekushoyo Nalokho Engayishoyo

3. Ukuthi “cha” akuyona inketho

Uke uzizwe sengathi ubungeke uthandwe kangako uma wenqaba ukufeza noma yiziphi izimfuno zomlingani wakho? Ingabe ukuthola kunzima kakhulu ukuthi “cha” noma ngabe yilokho okufunwa yinhliziyo yakho? Ebudlelwaneni obuhilela abalingani abaxhomeke komunye nomunye, isidingo somlingani sokufaneleka kuzo zonke izimo ukuze azizwe ethandwa, ethandwa, futhi amukelekile sikhulu kangangokuthi cishe baqeda ubuwena babo ngomzamo wokuhlangana. USelma, ohlanganyele ocwaningweni mayelana nokuhlangenwe nakho kokubambelela komunye nomunye, uthe, “… kufana ne-chameleon, uyazi, ezama ukufaneleka kuzo zonke izimo kunokuba ngizivumele ngibe yilokho engiyikho…”.

4. Ukuzinika isikhathi sakho uzizwa unobugovu

Ozakwethu abazimele abazi ukuthi bazibeke kanjani kuqala. Abantu abanobuntu obuhlukile ngokuvamile:

• Chitha sonke isikhathi sabo unakekela izidingo zabalingani babo
• Ungalinge ubhale ezabo izidingo njengezibalulekile
• Bazizwa benecala uma benesikhathi ukuzinakekela

Khonamanjalo, omunye umlingani angase abonise ukucasuka, futhi aze amenze azizwe enecala “ngokungabanakekeli” noma “ngokubalahla”. Umbuthano ononya ongena endleleni yokunqoba i-codependency.

5. Ama-Codependents avame ukuba yizinkathazo futhi akhathazeke

Ama-Codependents ahlala ekhathazeka ngoba avame ukukhangwa abantu abadinga ukwesekwa, ukunakekelwa, ukuvikelwa, nokuzithiba. Ngaphandle kwalokho, abalingani abazimele bavame ukudideka mayelana nesimo sobudlelwano babo. Yingakho futhi ukuthembela nokukhathazeka kuvame ukuba khona ndawonye.

Njengoba kungekho ukuxhumana kwangempela phakathi kwabalingani, ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho ngokuphelele, kanye nokungabikho kwemingcele enempilo, ubudlelwano bokuncika komunye nomunye buhlala buqinile. Okwenezela ezinkingeni, abalingani abancika komunye nomunye bazizwa bengenakulinganisela empilweni, bazizwa bengazinzile ngokomzwelo, futhi bahlala besaba ukuthi abafaneleki ngokwanele. Konke lokhu kwenza ukunqoba ukuncika komunye nomunye kube nzima kakhulu.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izibonelo Eziyi-11 Zokuziphatha Okulimazayo Okulimaza Ubudlelwano

6. Ukushiya umlingani akuyona inketho

Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi naphezu kwakho konke ukucindezeleka nokungafaneleki okuhambisana nobudlelwano obunjalo, abantu abathembele komunye nomunye bavame ukungavumi ukuyeka. Izazi zengqondo zithi ukuthambekela kokuhambisana komunye nomunye kuyindlela embi kakhulu yokulutha, lapho abalingani beluthwa ukubhekwa njengabafel 'ukholo noma izisulu.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukwesaba ukungaphinde uthole uthando noma inkolelo ejulile yokuthi “awufaneleki” kwenza kube nzima kakhulu ngabalingani abaxhomeke komunye nomunye ukuphuma ebudlelwaneni. Njalo lapho umuntu ezama ukumenza akholwe ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obungenampilo , abalingani abaxhomeke komunye nomunye bavame ukusebenzisa inkulumo ethi, “Ngiyazi kodwa…”. Lokhu “kodwa” yikho okubavimba ekuyekeni noma ekuyekeni.

7. Abalingani abazimele abakwazi ukwenza izinqumo bodwa

Abantu abazimele badinga njalo ukuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle, ikakhulukazi kozakwabo. Badinga ukutshelwa ukuthi abalungile bahlupha ukuzethemba kwabo futhi bashaye amakhono abo okwenza izinqumo kanzima. Ozakwethu abazimele:

• Ungawathembi amakhono abo
• Besaba ukwenza izinqumo ezingalungile
• Besaba ukucasula abalingani babo ngezinqumo zabo
• Ngaso sonke isikhathi funa othile aqinisekise izinqumo zakhe
• Bangajabulela ukuphila kuphela uma kuyibo abaphayo

Amathiphu ayi-11 Asekelwe Uchwepheshe Wokwephula I-Codependency Ebudlelwaneni

Uma usuqaphele izimpawu zokuthambekela kokuhambisana, umbuzo olandelayo uthi — ungalungisa yini ubudlelwano obuxhomeke kumuntu oyedwa? Yebo, kodwa inqubo yokuphula amaphethini okuthambekela kokuhambisana ithatha isikhathi eside futhi idinga ukuzinakekela kakhulu. Cabanga ngendaba kaGrace noRichard, okuxoxwe ngayo ngudokotela wezifo zengqondo olulekayo uDkt. Nicholas Jenner.

UGrace noRichard base beshadile iminyaka engamashumi amathathu. URichard wayengumuntu ozicabangela yedwa futhi wayazi wonke amaqhinga okusebenzisa izincwadi ukuze alawule uGrace. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uGrace wabonisa ukuthambekela kokuthembela ngokuphelele kumuntu ngamunye. Wayevame ukudideka imihlatshelo yakhe kanye nokufela ukholo nothando lwakhe lomndeni.

Omunye umuntu onamahloni ongazithembi, wasebenzisa isimo sakhe sengqondo esivumayo ukuze asebenzise amandla nokulawula umndeni, noma yilokhu ayekucabanga. Eqinisweni, uRichard wayemkhohlisa, futhi emvumela ukuba alawule umndeni kuphela njengoba efuna. Ngenxa yokulutheka kwakhe, ujoyine i-Alcoholics Anonymous kodwa washeshe walishiya leli qembu. Wayenezindaba eziningi, kodwa njalo lapho uGrace embuza, wayemsola ngayo yonke into, kuhlanganise nokukhanga kwakhe kwabanye abantu besifazane.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-18 Ezingabonakali Zokuthi Ubuhlobo Bakho Besikhathi Eside Buphelile

UGrace wazizwa enecala ngakho konke, kuhlanganise nezindaba eziningi zomyeni wakhe. Lapho indodana yabo eyodwa kuphela ishiya ikhaya ngemva kokuphothula, uGrace wahlushwa yi- empty nest syndrome . Njengoba uRichard eba unkom’ idla yodwa futhi engasakwazi ukuhlala ekhaya, futhi njengoba indodana ingekho, waqala ukubonisa izimpawu zokukhathazeka nokucindezeleka. Ngisho noma ayengazi inkinga yangempela, isisu sakhe sasifuna ukuba ayeke imikhuba yokuthambekela kokuthandana.

Babona isidingo sokungenelela kochwepheshe futhi bangena ekwelashweni. Ngokushesha uGrace waqaphela izimpawu zakhe ezincikene naye. Manje njengoba wayesewabona amaphethini, wayesefuna ukwazi ukuthi angakuyeka kanjani ukuncika. Inqubo yokululama yayiyinde futhi ivame ukuba nzima kuye ukubona amadimoni akhe kodwa ekugcineni wanquma ukuhlukana noRichard futhi manje uphila impilo yakhe njengosomabhizinisi wesifazane ophumelelayo.

Njengoba ubudlelwano obuningi buhilela umlutha futhi buqhubeka buba bubi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukwesaba ukuthi ubuhlobo obuxhomeke komunye nomunye buphenduka ukuhlukumeza nobudlova kungokoqobo. Ukuqeda imikhuba yokuncika komunye umuntu kunzima kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu. Ngakho-ke uma uzibuza ukuthi ungakunqoba kanjani ukuncika komunye umuntu, ucwaningo lufakazela ukuthi ukuqina nokuzimela kubalulekile. Nazi izindlela eziyishumi nanye onganqamula ngazo ukuncika komunye umuntu futhi ululame.

1. Buza izinhloso zakho, buza imibuzo enzima

Uhambo lokuthola ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuba yi-codependent luqala ngawe. Uma, ngezinye izikhathi, uke uzibuze, "Ingabe ngincike?", Izimpawu ezibalwe ngenhla kungenzeka zikunikeze ukucaca lapho umi khona. Ungazishiyi lezi zimpawu zokuthembela ngoba ukuzihlola kukwenza ungakhululeki. Ingakusiza futhi uma uzibuza ukuthi ungayiyeka kanjani i-codependent.

Hlala emuva futhi ubheke izindlela zakho zokuziphatha phakathi neminyaka. I-Codependency iwukuziphatha okuzuziwe okuvame ukuqala ebuntwaneni. Okokuqala, zibuze le mibuzo. Zimayelana nawe, futhi udinga ukuziphendula ngokwethembeka ukuze uzazi wena:

• Njengomntwana, ingabe kwadingeka ngilawule imizwelo yami?
• Ngiseyingane, ingabe yimina enganginakekelwa yibo bonke noma kwakungenye indlela?
• Ingabe ngangihlala ngikhangwa abantu ababedinga usizo nokunakekelwa?
• Ngiyesaba ukuthi ngelinye ilanga ngingase ngingadingeki muntu?
• Ngabe ngiyazithanda noma ngidabukela ubukhona bami?
• Ingabe ngiyakuthanda ukuba sesimweni sokwenza amandla?

Kunemibuzo eminingi ongayibuza. Kodwa kuyo yonke imibuzo, kungase kube nokuphazamiseka ngokomzwelo ngakho qala kancane, kodwa khuluma iqiniso. Uma impendulo yayo yonke noma eminingi yale mibuzo ingu-"yebo" omubi, ebusweni bakho, sekuyisikhathi sokwamukela ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obuxhomeke komunye nomunye, futhi sekuyisikhathi sokugqashula kule ndlela yobudlelwano enobuthi.

2. Yeka ukuzizwa unesibopho ngokweqile ngomlingani wakho

Uyakhumbula umlingiswa kaJulia Roberts ku- Runaway Bride ? Wayehlala eshintsha izidingo zakhe kanye nezintandokazi zakhe ngokusekelwe ezidingweni zabalingani bakhe. Kangangokuthi akekho owayazi ngisho nokuthi hlobo luni lwamaqanda ayewathanda ngempela! Nokho, ukuziphatha okunjalo kufingqa incazelo yokuncika kobuntu.

Uma ukwazi ukuhlobana nakho, khona-ke inqubo yokwephula umjikelezo we-codependency iqala ngokufunda ukuzwakalisa izidingo zakho ngaphandle kokuzizwa unomthwalo wemfanelo ngokweqile ngemizwa nokusabela komlingani wakho. Yazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi kuyini okuncamelayo, futhi umtshele uma uthanda amaqanda akho anelanga noma aklwebhekile. Iphuzu liwukuthi, ungaxolisi ngezidingo zakho. Ungazizwa:

• Unecala ngokuba nokukhetha okuhlukile
• Ukwesaba ukuthi uzothandwa kancane uma uzwakalisa imizwa yakho
• Njengoba uhlulekile uma ungakwazi ukulungisa izinkinga zabo
• Banecala ngamaphutha abo, ukwehluleka, noma imizwa

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukunikela Kakhulu Ebudlelwaneni? Kungakanani Okufanele Ukunikele Ngakho

3. Funda ukuveza izinto ozifunayo nezidingo zakho

Uma ukwamukelwa kokuziphatha kwakho kwe-codependent sekusendaweni (kuzoqhubeka nokunyakaza phakathi kokwamukela nokudideka isikhathi eside), sekuyisikhathi sokuqala ukuxhumana okuthembekile nomlingani wakho. Lona omunye wemisebenzi ebaluleke kakhulu engasenamsebenzi ongawenza ukuze upholise futhi ulungise ubudlelwano bakho.

Kuze kube manje, ubulokhu usho lokho obucabanga ukuthi bafuna ukukuzwa, noma obukholelwa ukuthi kuzokugcina ulawule, futhi uphume enkingeni. Kodwa akusenjalo. Bazise ukuthi awukwazi futhi ngeke usakwazi ukuba umlutha/ukuziphatha kwabo. Nazi ezinye izindlela zokudlulisa imicabango yakho.

• Sebenzisa izitatimende ezithi “Mina”: Esikhundleni sokuzibeka esithombeni, xoxa ngemicabango nemizwa yakho usebenzisa izitatimende ezithi “Mina”. Isibonelo, “Ngizizwa ngiboshelwe ukusebenza 24*7”, “Ngizizwa ngedwa nginakekela yonke into”, noma “Ngifuna isikhathi esithile ukuze ngihlangabezane nezidingo zami” ezinye izitatimende ongazisebenzisa ukuveza ukuthi ufuna ukwakha amaphethini obudlelwano obunempilo.
• Ungangeni emdlalweni wokusola: Zilungiselele ukuba nengxoxo enzima. Esikhundleni sokubasola ngokusebenzisana kwakho, khuluma ngezisombululo. Isibonelo, uma ukhona ukuhlala nomlingani wotshwala futhi ubulokhu unika amandla yonke leminyaka, uthi, “Ngilapha ngenxa yakho kodwa angikwazi ukukusiza ngakho konke”
• Batshele ukuthi yini oyifunayo: Kumelwe utshele umlingani wakho isithombe onaso engqondweni yakho. Ngamazwi acacile, athembekile, batshele ukuthi yini oyilindele ebudlelwaneni. Akulula njengoba kuzwakala. Umlingani wakho uchithe yonke le minyaka ngokombono wakhe kanye nokufisa, ngakho-ke wena umtshela lokho okufunayo ngeke athathwe ngomusa. Kodwa qina, uthembeke futhi ucace.

4. Zibeke kuqala

Abalingani abathembele komunye nomunye bachitha isikhathi eside benakekela izidingo zabanye futhi bengena eqinisweni labo kangangokuthi bazibona bengenalutho. Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuthembela komunye umuntu, kufanele usebenzele ukwakha kabusha "uqobo lwakho". Ukuzinakekela kanye nokuzithanda kuyizinto ezimbili zomlingo ezingathuthukisa umuzwa womuntu ngaye. Ziyikhambi lokuthambekela komunye umuntu.

Ugcine nini ukufonela abangani bakho wenze uhlelo lokudla kwakusihlwa? Ugcine nini uku-oda ukudla okuthandile noma okubukele ikhonsathi yomculo oyintandokazi yakho? Sekuyisikhathi sokwenza konke lokhu nokunye okuningi. Ukuze uphule umjikelezo we-codependency, udinga ukuzenza kuqala. Khumbula isisho esithi, “Yiba yiqhawe lakho futhi uzisindise”? Awu, udinga ukwenza lokho kanye.

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5. Vumela abanye bazikhethele

Khumula izigqoko ezingabonakali bese uvumela umlingani wakho kanye namanye amalungu omndeni ukuba azenzele izinqumo. Ubungazizwa ubuhlungu uma uqaphela ukuthi “awusadingeki”, kodwa yilokho kanye okudingekayo. Udinga ukuphuma ebudlelwaneni obuhlanganisiwe bese ubeka imingcele. Esikhundleni sokuzama ngokuphoqa ukulungisa izinto zabanye noma ukwenza izinqumo zabo, bavumele bazenzele izinqumo zabo. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ukuze kuphulwe umjikelezo wokuncika kobuhlobo.

6. Cela usizo

Ukucela usizo kufanele kube lula, akunjalo? Hhayi-ke, buza othile obonisa ukuziphatha okuncikene futhi angakutshela ukuthi izintambo zephimbo zisonteka kanjani futhi izisu zinyakaza uma kwenzeka edinga ukuthola usizo. Abantu abanokuthambekela kokuncika kakade sebesithwe umuzwa wabo wokungabi nto yalutho. Uma besesimweni lapho bedinga khona usizo, baba nomuzwa wokuthi konke ukwesaba kwabo sekufezekile, futhi manje bayadalulwa.

Banomuzwa wokuthi ngokuba sendaweni yesidingo, bazisa abalingani babo ukuthi abakwazi kangakanani. Uma ubhekana nemicabango enjalo, kubalulekile ukuzikhumbuza ukuthi ukucela usizo kudinga amandla. Ukuze ube sengozini kudinga umuzwa omkhulu wokuzibona ubalulekile. Futhi, ukulandisa okuningi okuphathelene nalokhu kwesaba kuvame ukuba nombono kuneqiniso.

7. Misa imingcele enempilo

Abantu abaxhomeke komunye nomunye bavame ukuhlushwa ukuhlukunyezwa ngoba abakwazi ukubeka imingcele eqinile nenempilo futhi bavumele abantu bangene esikhaleni sabo kaningi ngoba bavame ukungabi nasibindi noma ukuzethemba. Ngakho-ke, ukusungula imingcele enempilo nomlingani wakho kubalulekile ekunqobeni ukuthambekela komunye nomunye. Beka imingcele yobuhlobo obuhle esimweni sengqondo esizolile. Futhi khumbula,

• Ungaxolisi noma ulinganisele ngokweqile lapho ubeka imingcele
• Ngisho noma umlingani wakho engakugunyazi, kwenze noma kunjalo
• Qinisekisa ukuthi akukho ukungaqondakali noma iziphetho ezithambile emingceleni yakho
• Qiniseka ukuthi awuzidli ngokweqile futhi udide abanye
• Yenza ngomlingani wakho futhi. Ngenkathi uzibekela imingcele, udinga ukukhuluma ngayo ukuze uzibekele eyabo

Ayikho imingcele ebalulekile noma engabalulekile, kuphela enempilo futhi engenampilo. Isibonelo, uma ufuna ukubeka umngcele ukuthi ngeke uqambe amanga kumalungu omndeni wakho noma umndeni womlingani wakho mayelana nemikhuba yabo yokuphuza, cacisa ngakho. Batshele ukuthi ngeke usawela ogibeni lwecala futhi ngeke ubafihlele.

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8. Yekani okwedlule

Abantu abasebenzisa i-Codependent bavame ukuba nobungane obunzima, bengenakho ukunakekelwa okuningi futhi bagcwele izimo ezinzima. Umuzwa oqhubekayo wokungabi nakuzisiza, kanye nesidingo esiqhubekayo sokuthandwa, kungashiya ithonya elihlala njalo kunoma ubani. Ngakho-ke, yiba nomusa kuwe futhi udedele okwedlule.

Zazise ngokukhuluma okuhle kanye nokuqinisekisa ubuhlobo bakho ukuthi uyafaneleka, nokuthi abanye bakuphatha kanjani kukhombisa ukuthi bangobani, hhayi wena. Ngakho-ke, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi abazali bakho babengekho ngenxa yemisebenzi enzima kakhulu, noma umlutha wabo, noma ngoba babengakwazi ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo - akukho okwakuyiphutha lakho kodwa kwadingeka uthwale imiphumela.

Yiba nomusa ebuntwaneni bakho, mhlawumbe ubhalele umncane wakho incwadi ukuze uthule, futhi uqhubeke. Leli elinye lamasu asebenza ngempumelelo kunoma ngubani ozama ukuthola ukuthi angayeka kanjani ukuncika. Ukudedela kuzokusiza ukuthi ululame ngaphakathi futhi ulungise amaphethini angenampilo kunokumane uzame ukuwacindezela (okungasebenzeki). Kuze kube yilapho usuzwisisile futhi wamukele ukubaluleka kwakho, ngeke ukwazi ukuthola ukuthi ungayinqoba kanjani i-codependency.

9. Ungazihluleli

Ama-Codependents angabanye babagxeki babo abakhulu. Bahlale behlulela izenzo zabo noma ukungenzi lutho futhi bazisole bona ngokufuna ngisho nokuguqula ukuziphatha kwabo. Njengezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, sivame ukutshela amakhasimende ethu ukuthi angabi nonya kancane kuwo futhi angahluleli konke umnyakazo wawo. Nansi enye yezindlela ezilula kakhulu ongasakwazi ukuzizama ukwenza lokho kwenzeke - zitshele nsuku zonke:

• Ngingumuntu olungile futhi ngenza lokho enginomuzwa wokuthi kungcono kakhulu
• Angikwazi ukulawula zonke izimo nayo yonke imiphumela
• Ngiyakwazi ukuthatha izinqumo
• Umphumela awunqumi ukuthi isinqumo sihle noma sibi
• Angidingi ukuqinisekiswa kwabanye ukuze ngikholelwe kimina
• Ngizoba nomusa kimi
• Indlela engiziphatha ngayo yiyo enquma ukuthi abanye bazongiphatha kanjani

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10. Cabanga othandekayo wakho ezicathulweni zakho

Izimpendulo ozifunayo zivame ukuba ngaphakathi kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho nokuhlakanipha kwakho. Kodwa ukuthola lezo zimpendulo kunomsebenzi omkhulu. Uma ubonisa izimpawu zokuthambekela kokuxhumana futhi ufuna ukwazi ukuthi ungaphulukisa kanjani , kukhona ukuzivocavoca okulula kodwa okuphumelelayo kakhulu esikuncomayo.

Vala amehlo akho bese ucabanga oseduze noma omthandayo ezicathulweni zakho. Zibone ngeso lengqondo benza izinto njengawe, futhi bephathwa ngendlela ophathwa ngayo umlingani wakho. Babuke bephila impilo oyiphilayo manje. Cabanga ngesigameko esinamandla ikakhulukazi mayelana ne-codependency, futhi uzicabange lapho.

Ingabe uvule amehlo akho cishe ngomzuzwana owodwa? Ingabe uzizwe ungenakukwazi ukuwabuka njengawe? Ingabe ubujahe ukuvula amehlo akho futhi wazizwa ubonga ukuthi kwakuwumcabango wakho nje? Impendulo yakho kulokhu kungenzeka ithi “yebo”. Ngakho-ke, cabanga ngalokho owawungabaluleka ngakho noma owawufuna ukuba bakwenze. Lokho kuwuphawu lwakho lokuqhubekela phambili nawe.

11. Cela usizo kubangani, iqembu elisekela ontanga

Ngokuvamile, ngaphambi kokuba abantu abathembele kwabanye baqaphele ukushiyeka kwabo njengabaphayo, abangane babo kanye nabantu abafisela okuhle bakuqonde lokho. Kubalulekile ukulalela laba bantu, ukukhuluma nabo, futhi ubavumele bakusize. Batshele ngohlelo lwakho lokusebenza, futhi ubacele ukuthi bakusize uma bekwazi. Khumbula, ungabe usahlupheka buthule.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, kubalulekile ukuba nendawo ephephile kanye nontanga ongakhuluma nabo, ngaphandle kokwesaba ukwahlulelwa kanye nenduduzo yokuqondwa. Kukhona namaqembu ontanga axhomeke komunye nomunye - isibonelo, njenge- Alcoholics Anonymous yabaluthayo, kukhona i-Al-Anon yemindeni - ukusiza enkambisweni yokululama. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukudonsana kungenye yezindlela ezinhle kakhulu zokuzilapha. Futhi ukwazi ukuthi awuwedwa ozizwa ngale ndlela kungaba esinye sezinyathelo zokuqala zokuphulukiswa.

Izigaba Zokuthola I-Codependency

Ozakwethu abathembekile bangalulama kodwa njengakho konke ukuphulukiswa, nalokhu ngeke kwenzeke ngokuphazima kweso. Kungathatha noma yikuphi ukusuka emavikini kuye ezinyangeni kuye ngezinga le-codependency kanye nesikhathi nomzamo onikezelwe ekubeni ngcono. Okubalulekile ukuthi ubekezele futhi ujabule ngokuthuthuka okuncane kunokujaha okukhulu. Ohambweni lwakho lokutakula, uzozithola udlula ezigabeni ezilandelayo:

• Ukwaziswa: Uyabona ukuthi unenkinga yokuzimela
• Action: Usebenza ngokuzimisela ekuzithuthukiseni
• Ukuthuthukisa: Uzothola ukuthi usukhulile futhi usungcono manje

Ungathola Indlela Eya Phambili

Okwamanje, kufanele ngabe usuqondisile uma unokuthambekela kokuncikene. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi i-codependency iwukuziphatha okuzuziwe, futhi ngezindlela ezingaguquguquki nezinengqondo, ukwephula ukuthembela kungenzeka, futhi kubalulekile. Kunosizo olwanele olutholakalayo. Ngokwelashwa kwenkulumo kanye nosizo oluvela kubangani kanye nawe uqobo, ukugqashula kulo mjikelezo ononya wokusebenzisana kungenzeka. Odinga ukukwenza nje ukuba nokuzethemba kanye namandla okubeka izidingo zakho ngaphezu kwabanye, kube kanye.

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Ngifuna ukuhlukanisa nomyeni wami owumlutha wotshwala, othanda abantu besifazane

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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