You can swear by Jon Snow and yet you can find yourself on a date with someone who doesn’t give a hoot about his glory. It’s because having different interests and preferences in TV shows, music, literature, food and activities is actually not as big a deal breaker as you might think. With that being said, there are still a few things couples must have in common that cannot be compromised on.
You can enjoy your favorite shows on your own, even have separate hobbies, and you can enjoy a Choco Lava cake for dessert while your partner orders cheesecake – having different preferences than your partner is not just common but also healthy.
But it’s absolutely essential to share certain things in common with your partner to build the foundation for a serious relationship. So before you move on to the next stage, find answers to these 5 vital questions to avoid any future heartbreak.
5 Things Couples Should Have in Common
People tend to judge how compatible they are with a person based on the things in common. While it’s a valid basis to some extent, breaking up with someone because they don’t like Star Wars is not only absurd, it’ll also make you realize the grave error you’d have made once you grow out of the Star Wars fandom.
From the list of things couples have in common, some might be more important to one than the other partner. If your partner is a hardcore jazz fan and you pretty much tolerate it to make him/her happy, they’re eventually going to find out. And when they do, they may take it terribly, or as they should: like it’s no big deal.
“There are just so many things we have in common” doesn’t necessarily equate to being in a wholesome relationship. What happens when one of you grows out of the obsession you thought you’d share with this person for the rest of your life? What if they turn vegan and you’re still munching on those bacon strips? Needless to say, it’s not necessary for a couple to have a lot of things in common.
With that being said, the core values of any relationship, which are trust, honesty, and mutual respect, cannot be compromised. If the list of things couples have in common features all their favorite artists but has no mention of values and goals, you might be in trouble.
Let’s take a look at the absolute must-have commonalities, so you can make sure your dynamic doesn’t have a timer on it. What are the things couples have in common and the things they should strive to have a common viewpoint on? Let’s find out.
1. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?
It’s not going to work out in the long run between you two if your partner wants to focus on her career in the next five years while you want to be able to raise a family by then. Conflict of interest in big life decisions can prove to be a dead-end for your relationship.
Have a heart-to-heart discussion on whether you are going to live with your parents after marriage or buy your own place, whether you both want to have kids and so on. To build a life together, you and your partner must be on the same page about your future. It’s okay if yours is a “nothing in common” relationship as long as you agree on where you want to be in the next 5 years.
2. Do you both think honesty is better?
This is a biggie. You can have different views on life, but when it comes to the basics, you must share the same line of thought about honesty in a relationship. As life unfolds, each one of us goes through a series of catch-22 situations. It’s during those moments of crisis that our core values come into play and shape our future.
When a couple shares similar standpoints on the idea of honesty, building a rock-solid life together becomes easier. You might think sharing the titbits of your office fling is too trivial to strain your relationship, but for your partner, hiding this fact might amount to a breach of his/her trust.
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3. What about loyalty?
On that note, make sure you and your partner share a similar opinion about loyalty and trust in a relationship. No matter how rhetorical the issue might seem now, once your relationship grows older, concerns on fidelity (or the lack of it) are bound to crop up.
Set the boundaries of your relationship before saying ‘I do’, so that you are both clear about what lines not to cross. Because a relationship is doomed when one partner thinks it’s okay to have sex outside marriage while the other is an ardent believer of monogamy.
From the list of things couples have in common, where you two stand on loyalty may be the most important one. It may not even pertain to the classic case of physical cheating. What if you’re not okay with your partner forming a deep emotional bond with someone else, and they don’t even know that’s not okay? Have a conversation about loyalty, in all forms.
4. Do you have mutual agreement on independence?
If your partner likes to do everything together and you crave independence in the relationship, then it becomes a problem in the long run. Make sure you both are on the same page about how much space you should give each other. Having a healthy amount of personal space is absolutely vital for every dynamic to thrive, the lack of which may just end up making you go crazy.
Have an honest conversation about how close or distant you would want to keep your friends after marriage, whether you are both okay with sharing your social media passwords. When all you want is some alone time, the things couples have in common won’t even matter.
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5. Do you share the same sexual wavelength?
Having different sexual wavelengths is the ultimate deal-breaker in a relationship. Sex can be just a physical act for some people, an elixir for others, and a sacred expression of love for many. If you and your partner look at sex differently, then it’s practically impossible to build a fulfilling relationship together.
Because if your partner is kinky and you look at sex as standard, then I think it’s safe to say that the relationship is not going to be very fulfilling in the long run. So make sure to find out about each other’s sexual fantasies before going all the way with someone and see if you have comfortable chemistry in bed.
As you can see, a huge list of things couples have in common doesn’t hold much value unless you agree on the 5 most basic principles we listed out for you above. It’s okay if you’re ordering a pizza with half pepperoni and half mushroom, or even if you’re watching Squid Game on the TV and your spouse is watching a reality TV show on their mobile. As long as you agree on the most basic fundamentals of any relationship, even being in a “nothing in common” relationship won’t be too harmful.
Having things in common is definitely a plus point. But while you may be obsessing over having a similar taste in music or movies, what’s more important is to have a similar opinion on things like loyalty, honesty, trust and communication.
As long as you both agree on where you want to be in the future, how truthful you are with each other, how you approach sex and where you stand on personal space, a “nothing in common” relationship will have no problems with being fruitful.
Yes, opposites can be happy together. As long as you agree on the basic fundamentals of any relationship which are trust, honesty, loyalty, communication and respect, opposites can have a nurturing relationship.
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