As told to Joie Bose:
Bhai and I were poles apart. He is nine years older than me. He’s a gem of a guy and I’m a piece of shit. He is a perfect son – well mannered, family-oriented and sanskari. The only mistake he has probably ever made was getting married to Kavina. I have no intention of getting married and my family is not proud of that. I’ve never made my folks proud. I’m the black sheep of this family. And what I’m doing now is making me blacker. And I can’t really stop myself, now that I’ve started it. I want to. But I can’t. One thing leads to another. Yes, I’m in a relationship of sorts with his wife.
An unsuited pair
Kavina is 15 years younger than Bhai. After Bhai cleared his CA, Kavina’s father, who is a chartered accountant himself and my father’s childhood friend, came over to our house and directly asked Bhai if he wanted to marry Kavina or not. Bhai didn’t have the good sense to refuse. She was not his type. But the poor bugger had never been with a woman in his life and a Kavina-type girl would be way out of his league. She was hot though she had failed her class 12 exam. She was dumb, for she chose to marry instead of studying more. Actually, Bhai warmed up to the proposition immediately since she was hot.
We’ve seen Kavina grow up, but that didn’t bug Bhai. She used to come to all our family functions. She was the one who used to choreograph the dances with my cousins during Diwali and all. CA uncle (as we used to call her father) is Papa’s closest friend even now and Papa wanted to turn their friendship into being family. The big fat marriage happened. I didn’t like Kavina and thought she was wrong, but I was quiet.
She came to me
Two years ago, I was in my room, drinking. Kavina drifted into my room asking me what I was doing. She asked me not to drink. I asked her to mind her own business.
She said in relation, she was my senior and hence I should listen to her. She’s pretty irritating that way. She spoke much. And spoke nonsense.
I was not in a mood to tolerate her. I was pissed at the world. Even at Bhai. Bhai had brought it up to my parents that I drink at home and a small issue had been made because of it. Ours is a conservative family and no one other than me drinks. I hide and do it but everyone knows. I asked Kavina to leave. But she plopped herself on my bed, innocently. I asked her to go again and she said refused. I told her I will hit her if she doesn’t go and that girl asked me to try. Then she took my glass from my hand and drank it up. I don’t know what exactly happened after that but we ended up kissing. She left soon after.
It began as a game
Ever since, whenever she used to come to my room I made an attempt to kiss her so that she gets scared and leaves. It was all for fun. But this small game somehow slowly began to take shape. I began becoming a little fond of her. She too did. Within a year, we were sleeping with each other. We still are. I don’t know how on mother Earth I ended up doing this but I did.
She is too young to get the gravity of this. She is too frivolous and says I’m more fun. Bhai is boring, she confesses. Sometimes I get a kick out of this. I would never have anything to do with such a dumb girl as her, but she and I share weird chemistry. She can make my body melt. I envy Bhai. But she says she doesn’t sleep with him much. She lies. She is having fun sleeping with both of us.
But I feel very guilty. I don’t know about her and knowing her, probably she doesn’t at all. I even feel I should kill myself or go away from the family. I’d never thought I would betray Bhai’s trust like this, but I did and despite moments of retrospection like these, I end up with Kavina, when no one is at home.