If I had a penny for every time a guy used the term ‘wifey material’ as the pinnacle of compliments, I’d be living in a palace made of gold. Why must we use ‘material’ to describe people at all? It does nothing but make us sound like a fabric shop.
And yet, people persist in using the term ‘wifey material’ with all its misguided connotations. If I can’t dissuade you from using the term, allow me to fix a few stereotypes you’ve been loving. I’m here with these 9 things commonly mistaken to be wifey material.
Pay heed to what’s coming next, and don’t mistake these signs to be wifey material signs. Your bubble is going to burst, and your notions are about to get thrown out the window! Let’s get this party started.
9 Things Commonly Mistaken To Be Wifey Material
If you’re new to the concept, let me quickly explain what ‘wifey material’ means. A man thinks of a woman as wifey material when he sees qualities in her that would make her an ideal wife. A lot of times men end up reinforcing gender stereotypes by pegging certain qualities as ‘feminine’ or ‘wifey’.
If you too have mistaken a few of these signs as indicators of a good partner, buddy you’re being sexist. And this is a red flag in a relationship…But we are all here to re-educate ourselves, and it’s wonderful that you’re trying to evolve into a better being!
When you tell your girlfriend she’s wifey material, you probably think you’re being a sweetheart. But is wifey material a compliment? Well, no. Your heart may be in the right place, but your mindset certainly isn’t. You shouldn’t be viewing any woman from the (cracked) lens of whether she’s wifey material or not.
If you think any of the qualities listed below are a must-have in a partner, then you’ve got some thinking to do. It’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty of the matter. Here are the 9 things commonly mistaken to be wifey material qualities.
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1. She can whip up a storm in the kitchen
A lot of people (believe me, a lot) think that being a good cook is a quality each woman should possess. But cooking is a life skill that everyone should learn, irrespective of gender. If you are fond of gourmet dishes, or homemade meals – learn to make them yourself!!
Expecting your wife to be your personal cook is an unreasonable expectation. If your girlfriend likes cooking, that’s great for you; but don’t go around thinking that a woman is not marriageable if she can’t cook well.
What you should be scouting for in a partner is kindness, compassion, support, and love. Not their ability to make a steak and tater tots.
You ought to take inspiration from my grandma and grandpa; in the forty-five years of their marriage, my grandfather has been the master of the kitchen because he loves cooking. He was the one who taught my granny to cook!
2. She likes things spick and span
This is a great quality to have…but would I go so far as to call it important in a spouse? Just because she likes cleaning, does not mean she is wifey material. If you think a wife exists to clean your house, take a vow of celibacy. Your focus should be building an interdependent relationship with your girlfriend.
Duties and chores ought to be shared by partners in a house. If your girlfriend does all the housework and you think this makes her wifey material, you need to stop scrolling and pick up a broom.
She is NOT wifey material if she cooks and cleans. These qualities can’t be the criteria of whether she’ll make a good partner. There are brilliant women out there who don’t like cooking or cleaning, and let me tell you – they are a catch!
3. She’s REALLY good with kids
Not this again. One of the most commonly mistaken signs for being good wifey material is being good with children. Maybe you’re a guy who wants kids. You want a family in the long run. But are these future children the sole criterion of choosing a partner?
And just because someone is great with (other people’s) kids, doesn’t translate into them being a good parent in the future. You should certainly have a conversation with your girlfriend about whether she wants kids or not. But don’t pick a partner with the sole intent of making her the mother of your children. You see what I’m saying?
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4. She aspires to become a homemaker
Ughhhh! Women are free to choose whatever they want to do – whether it be taking care of a house or taking up a job and building a career. But don’t choose a woman as a long-term partner or spouse just because she wants to build a home.
A good spouse is someone who enriches our life with their presence. Is she emotionally mature? Can she communicate well? Does she have the gumption to deal with tough situations with me? The answers to these questions are what you should be focusing on.
Taking a very limited view and thinking, “She is not ambitious, and she will maintain my house,” is a mistake. Get a housekeeper instead, and find a partner who complements you emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
5. She’s a passive individual
Ae you a man who has ideas of dominating a relationship? Do you want to become the ‘head-of-the-family’? If yes, then allow me to explain that a relationship must be an equal partnership. Your partner does not have to agree with everything you say.
Thinking that a girl has wifey material qualities because she’s compliant and has few opinions, is a grave error. Maybe she goes along with everything you want to do and you get your way 99% of the time, but how sustainable is this?
A marriage cannot be comprised of a leader and a follower. Is wifey material a compliment? No, it’s not, because your idea of a wife is someone who follows whatever you do. A good marriage is about supporting your partner, and striking a balance between what two people want.
Always remember what David Fearnhead said: “Life is not a competition between men and women, it is a collaboration.”
6. She’s conventionally feminine
Maybe she loves pink, and has long hair. She likes flowers and chocolates, and loves romantic movies. She’s got a style of her own and that is fantastic! But I hope you don’t think this makes her a suitable spouse.
A girl is not wifey material because she likes pink. She should have integrity and empathy which make her a loving individual. Being attracted to a certain sort of women is absolutely fine; but marrying a girl because she subscribes to traditional notion of femininity is a bit of a stretch.
My cousin ended up marrying his high school sweetheart because in his words, “She’s so gosh darn cute.” Their marriage ended a year later because cuteness can’t sustain a marriage.
7. She forgives all your mistakes – ALL of them
This is not a sign she’s wifey material, but a sign that you’re both in a toxic relationship. Have you cheated on her? Has she forgiven you? Have you been physically or emotionally abusive? Has she forgiven you? I hope you’re seeing a pattern, because I sure am.
Being wifey material does not mean tolerance to the point of self-destructiveness. And why do you keep making so many mistakes that she has to keep forgiving you? She needs to work on building her self-esteem, and you, you have to do some serious self-improvement.
A good wife is not one who excuses all your faults and decisions. Destroy the idea that a woman is obliged to forgive you. Don’t call your girlfriend wifey material just because you have a license to make mistakes…
8. She gets along wonderfully with your parents
Truth bomb incoming. People don’t always have to get along with each other. It’s okay to have differences. Don’t get me wrong – I sincerely hope that your parents and your partner get along. But I’m just saying that your girlfriend can be a delightful person, and your parents can be great people, and they could still not get along.
While this kind of a situation may be a long shot, it is a possibility for sure. You can’t tout a girl as wifey material just because your parents have given you the green signal. Take a broader view of things and focus on your own compatibility with her.
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9. She’s selfless, and puts you first
The trope of ‘women-are-gentle-selfless-beings’ is so exhausting to encounter. If you think a woman is wifey material because she always puts the needs of others before her, tell her to recalibrate her choices. Perhaps she’s a kind soul, but people are going to end up taking advantage of her and walk all over her.
Yes, a partner should take your needs and opinions into consideration, but they should have a say of their own. Prioritizing our own selves is not only essential, but necessary. And why are you looking for a partner who is less concerned for her own well-being? Seems to me like you’re taking a stroll in the selfish lane.
The entire purpose of this article, is to tell you to take a broad view of things when you look at what you want in a life partner. Cooking, cleaning, or being ‘feminine’ are shallow criteria. Emotional depth, compatibility, compassion for others, intelligence, and loyalty are much better touchstones to consider when you are settling on a spouse.
It’s always a good idea to look for a great companion rather than a mother, daughter-in-law, chef, or housekeeper. Best wishes to you, and sayonara!
Since wifey material refers to qualities that a man sees in his future wife, it can mean that a guy is keen on a long-term relationship with you. You have all the qualities he wats in a spouse, and he’s getting serious about your relationship. But it is up to you to figure out how healthy his idea of wife material is.
If you’re an equal stakeholder in the relationship, and he respects your individuality, then him calling you wife material means he sees a future with you. But you may want to correct him by explaining that ‘wifey material’ is a flawed concept.
A girl does not have to be wifey material. But you know she will make a good partner when she showcases all the signs of a healthy and happy individual with the potential of sharing her life with you. She’s kind, empathetic, honest, faithful, and warm. Pretty much – a good person to be around. If you think that this girl is someone with whom you can build a healthy and lasting relationship, she is the one!
Like I’ve said before, wife material is a very misguided term. When a man associates wife material with household chores and sexist stereotypes, it is definitely not a compliment. Most men mean it from a place of love and commitment, but what they don’t realize is that the term is inherently biased.
If they want to compliment a woman, they should break away from the limited notions of wife material. There are so many other ways of expressing love, and there are many better adjectives out there.