For a woman, it can often prove to be challenging to pick the right man for herself – since her selection criteria could be scattered and biased. Sometimes it’s easier to know what one doesn’t want rather than hit the nail on what one wants – from a relationship. To know what you don’t want you have to keep your eyes and ears open for the relationship red flags that can prove to be the deal-breakers.
How can a woman confidently tell if the man she’s dating is a true ‘keeper’? Furthermore, how many ‘goals’ can this keeper both save and meet? Who’s keeping score? More often than not, someone’s usually settling the score.
Since the pickings could get tough and the hunt for ‘Mr. Right‘ could start feeling like a loathsome thriller, it’s handy to have certain useful guidelines in place before seriously committing to a man. Relationships feel exciting because of the potential they represent but they can often get burdened with dread and dismay – due to the frustration they could bring with them. The sentence ‘All men are….’ is seldom followed by words of flattery. That frustration often speaks of the bitterness several women experience as they find themselves lost while trying to figure out the whirlwind world and sometimes the deadly hurricane called romance.
What Is A Red Flag In A Relationship?
Relationship red flag is indicative of behaviour of a person that shows that in future he could display abusive or controlling behaviour. A red flag is also a dead giveaway that the person lacks manners, empathy and kindness that would have an impact on the your relationship with him. Red flags in a relationship with a man are often ignored by women because they want to look at the bigger picture that could include success, riches, looks and his Page 3 network. But the red flags could raise its ugly head subtly in a relationship and if ignored could lead to serious consequences.
In their relationship with men many people consciously want to ignore the red flags, which in my opinion, is the biggest mistake one can make. It’s better to heed the red flags before it’s too late. What is a relationship deal breaker? Sometimes the red flags are subtle and if one or two exist you could still handle those. But some red flags scream in your face that you need to break the relationship, those are the relationship deal breakers.
How To Watch Out For The Relationship Red Flags
It’s not uncommon for the ladies to frown upon the ‘options’ out there. However, if she stays cognizant of the red-flags while selecting a man, the search for an enduring partnership becomes better informed. An average human being spends 2 minutes to even pick out an ice cream flavour he wants and is in two minds whether he wants to commit to a cone or a cup. If we’re this picky about something we’ll eat and forget about, shouldn’t there be a certain degree of pickiness shown about a person one could be spending more than half of one’s life with? That’s why it’s important to keep yourself clued in to the relationship warning signs.
With that in mind, here’s a list of 8 deal-breakers that could bolster your decision to exit a romantic pursuit or consider terminating a partnership with a man. These are the absolute relationship red flags.
1. He disrespects people who serve him
This is a relationship red flag when noticed on time can save you from future grief. On your very first date just see how he behaves with the waiter.
If he’s abrasive, curt, mean spirited and dictatorial with waiters, staff members, his subordinates and his family, this is a sure shot sign that you’re hanging out with a bully.
With age and sometimes due to the vagaries of life, there’s a strong likelihood that he’ll only get angrier and edgier. Bitterness rules with an iron fist. Who knows? Maybe he’ll change after he’s sufficiently suffered, but do you plan on waiting around till that does or doesn’t happen?
2. He has different rules for you and for him
Double standards manifest commonly in relationships. A partner who wants preferential treatment but fails to contribute towards the needs of his partner can be distressing to be around. For example when he calls his friends over, it’s because he needs to bond with the boys and if you call your girlfriends over, you’re wasting your time and ignoring him. Strange isn’t it? Fairness is non-negotiable. This is a relationship red flag that you cannot ignore.
Related Reading: 6 Relationship Problems Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy
3. He doesn’t value people who are important to you
If we are talking about being aware of red flags in relationships then this is definitely one. He frowns upon and judges people who have helped shape you or support your life journey. Perhaps he looks at them with squinty eyes and sees them as all fluff and no substance. Could be he is seeing them as competition rather than collaborators in keeping you connected with your roots and happy? Maybe he wants you all to himself. Maybe he doesn’t like the fact that you have more friends than he does. Which cords would you like to cut?
4. He forces you to exclusively let him handle all the money
Money is the best deal within a collaborative and transparent relationship so that trust is built over a long time. Money is often a proxy for power and control in relationships. Shared and personal financial goals are heated topics and they require sensitive negotiation. If he can’t see you as a participant in such crucial planning and decision making, how does he really see you? This is an absolute red flag and a relationship deal-breaker.
5. He is a sexist or misogynist
A man who has an axe to grind against women operate from a broad and often skewed bias that is difficult to reason with since ‘superiority and inferiority’ paradigms inform the way in which they see everything. Maybe he was dominated by a woman during his childhood or maybe his rejection of women speaks of how he always found them ‘out of his reach’. Maybe his father treated his mother shabbily and he had poor role models? Maybe he thinks he’s better than women? Who’s to know?
6. Your friends and family despise him
Now, this can be rather contentious since it’s difficult to ‘please all sides’ but this is a relationship red flag you cannot ignore. There is no doubt that people most close to you could possibly have plans for you that diverge from your personal plans. However, it is crucial at some junctures to consider the balanced and mature perspectives of your well-wishers since they’re often privy to your social behaviour and have a stake in your emotional well-being. They can’t always be right but they can’t always be wrong either. If they’re worried for you, some may say they’re being biased or overprotective but what if they’re onto something that you’ve turned a blind eye to? Reflections aren’t always spotless.
7. He denies your feelings as genuine
If he sees you as someone who’s piling on the drama or someone who can’t be rational, then your very ability for objectivity is being drawn into question. This is a difficult situation to be in. He may never come to terms with your emotional needs since he’ll be constantly trying to prove to you that you do not feel what you say you feel or that you’re ‘over-reacting’. To be undermined for every emotion or to be accused of ‘faking’ one’s heartfelt longings can feel particularly cruel and humiliating. So how does that feel?
8. He constantly lies to you
If you feel like he’s being disingenuous about what he wants or feels on a recurring basis, you are well within reason to suspect that there’s something that he doesn’t want you to know.
What is he trying to escape into or escape from? It’s often hard to tell. Without trust and respect, relationships universally suffer. What is he trying to conceal from you? Porn addiction? An affair? Bad money decisions? Perversions? Criminal activity?
The plot could thicken faster than your knowledge of the situation ripens. If you sense manipulation and dodgy behaviour, ask yourself if you’re with him for companionship or to play cops and robbers.
The question remains: Should one wait for a ship to sink or look for a lifeboat in advance? One way or the other, you better know how to swim. Nobody can be 100% sure about life or love. There are too many variables at play. However, asking relevant questions to yourself and your partner will help you co-build something honest and heartfelt.
Will life always play out in a planned manner? You can’t possibly know in advance. However, what do you need to do to keep suspicion, manipulation, malice and cruelty out of your life? And that is only possible when you don’t ignore the relationship red flags.